List of Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door quotes by character (L–R)

Main article: List of Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door quotes

This is a list of quotes from Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door and its Nintendo Switch remake by character (L–R).

Lady Bow

• "It IS you, isn't it, Mario? Well, it's been quite a while, hasn't it?"
• "I've come here with Bootler, yes, a little vacation to Poshley Sanctum. I hadn't left the mansion in ages. I figured it was time to turn some heads on the road!"
• "GWAH HEE HAH!"
• "But what a nice surprise to see you! Feel free to be overwhelmed by my beauty."

Larson

• "Heh heh heh! I'm pullin' another card trick today and makin' tons of loot! ...But somebody started tailin' me, so I came here to hide out for awhile. Don't tell anyone you saw me here...OR I'LL BONK YOU!"
• "Don't tell anyone you saw me here...OR I'LL BOP YOU!"
• "Don't tell anyone you saw me here...OR I'LL CONK YOU!"
• "Don't tell anyone you saw me here...OR I'LL KICK YOU!"
• "Don't tell anyone you saw me here...OR I'LL SMACK YOU!"
• "Don't tell anyone you saw me here...OR I'LL STOMP YOU!"
• "Don't tell anyone you saw me here...OR I'LL DOINK YOU!"
• "Don't tell anyone you saw me here...OR I'LL CRUSH YOU!"
• "Don't tell anyone you saw me here...OR I'LL CRY!"

Lord Crump

• "Oh, come off it, you airhead! I know it's tough for you, but don't play dumb with me!"
• "I've seen you walking around town asking for information about the Crystal Stars."
• "Well, now I'm doing the asking, so be a good girl (GCN) / little student (Switch) and tell us what you know! Right. NOW!"
• "I suppose it wouldn't be right if a sassy little lass like you met with an untimely demise..."
• "Buh! Buh! Buh huh huh! Boys, we're taking this firebrand to our fortress!"
• "Whuh? What do you think you're doing, chump? You think you can screw up my plans?!?"
• "Gah! It's always something..."
• "Looks like I'm going to have to give you a little taste of the old CRUMP-A-BOMB!"
• "Buh! Buh! Buh huh huh! OK, you got a couple decent shots in, I'll give you that. But...unfortunately for you, that means..."
• "IT'S GO TIME!"
• "PUNISH HIM!"
• "Buh-HUUUUUH?!?"
• "STOPPP!!!"
• "Where'd they go?!? Huh? You! Johnson! Did you see them? Did anyone?"
• "Uh... Crud! They bolted!"
• "What?!? Are you nuts? Move it, you old geezer!"
• "Whoa. What's your problem, gramma? You got an ear hair tickling your brain, or what?"
• "You hotheaded old coot! You dare defy me? I could shine my boots with you!"
• "Buh! Buh! Buh huh huh! You guys are nuts, you know that? Oh, well. I guess I'd better shut off this timer."
• "Ok, you pests! One pummeling, comming up... with extra fists! Metal fists, that is!"
• "I knew it was brilliant, but seeing you fall for it REALLY gives me a warm fuzzy!"
• "Awake, Magnus von Grapple! Time for a technological thrashing! Enjoy!"
• "Are you crying yet? Yeah? Sorry, but this thing isn't armed with tissues. Well, Magnus von Grapple has that effect on people. Total, weeping terror. And you ain't seen nothing yet! Check out the power on this bad boy!"
• "Here it comes, suckers! Magnus von PUNISH!!!"
• "Oh, it ain't over yet! This is so awesome. Check out what else this guy can do. You're gonna love it!"
• "This might not work out too well for you!"
• "Bleeeeee-harrrrgh... This could be the end..."
• "Buh! Bu–AAAAAARGH! No! Magnus von Grapple! How could we lose?!?"
• "Hurff... Hurfff... Hurffff... I'll remember this, losers!"
• "Buh! Buh! Buh huh huh huh huh! I've got some ammo to spare! How's THAT for boom–bassa–boom?!?"
• "I'll sink that ratty old ghost ship to the bottom of the ocean!"
• "I'm gonna turn you guys into wee seeds... Wait, that's not right. I'll turn you into SEAWEED! Buh huh! Enjoy!"
• "Buh-uuuuuuuuuuuuuurgh! Man, this is no good!"
• "I thought I was almost aced for a second there! But you haven't finished me off yet, you sea urchins! I'm down, but no WAY I'm out!"
• "MAN, THIS IS GETTING OLD! How could I lose...again?!? I HATE LOSING! Now I gotta think of another excuse for Grodus! Grrrrrrr! And with that...pow! I'm gone!"
• "I've been waiting for you! Oh, MAN, have I been waiting! And I HAAAAAAAATE waiting!"
• "Buh huh! I'll TELL you what it means! I used the Crystal Star to lure you here... So that I could take all of YOUR Crystal Stars! How brilliant is THAT, huh?"
• "And wanna know the best part? Your little Peachy girl isn't even here anymore!"
• "BUH! BUH! BUH! BUH! BUH! Like I'd tell you the plan! That's novice–villain style! No, I won't be doing anything like that. Sorry, really, guys..."
• So... Ready for showtime? You guys are gonna be the perfect workout for... Magnus von Grapple 2.0!"
• "I hope you're up to the challenge...because this thing is raw horsepower, kiddies!!!"
• "Buh! Buh! Buh huh huh! Yeah, last version was buggy, so we made improvements... One...two...a DOZEN!!! Get ready for a whole new way to experience pain, you junior–varsity losers!"
• "Buh huh huh! Time to unleash some of the sweet special features on this bad boy! Oh, man, this is gonna be so good..."
• "Here it comes, suckers! Magnus Drill Attack!!"
• "Buh huh huh...uh, crud. You guys should be little puddles of nothing by now... Oh well, I've still got some tricks up my sleeve!"
• "Buh! Buh! Buh huh huh! EAT THIS!"
• "Hurrfff... Haaaack... No... How... What? My sweet powered-up robot is on the ropes! This is wrong!"

Lucky

• "DUM-da-da-dum-da-DOO! Every day's a lucky day... with Happy Lucky Lottery!"
• ".................................................................................................................................................................................................................."
• ".................................................................................................................................................................................................................."
• "Something very unhappy has happened."
• "You wouldn't happen to know what that is, would you?"
  • ("Maybe…sorta…" / "Not at all!")
• "I see. Well, it's happened, and that's what matters. A very unhappy thing."
• "There has been foul play in the Happy Lucky Lottery. The clock was tampered with."
• "It makes me unhappy to have to ask about this at all, but I'm afraid I have to..."
• ".................................................................................................................................................................................................................."
• "So please, just answer me honestly. Did you tamper with the clock?"
  • (Don't be ridiculous!)
• "Happy Lucky Lottery is only happy and lucky because the players are happy and lucky."
• "And they don't ever cheat... I mean... changing the clock... I can't even..."
• ".................................................................................................................................................................................................................."
• "You REALLY didn't change the clock? REALLY?"
  • (Nope, wasn't me!)
• "I had to tell little Toadette that she couldn't play today, and she burst into tears..."
• "It just breaks my heart..."
• ".................................................................................................................................................................................................................."
• "Are you SURE you didn't change the clock?"
  • (Yes, I did it! / OK, yeah, I did. / I DID IT! IT WAS ME!)
• ".................................................................................................................................................................................................................."
• "OhgoshBOMgoshBOMgoshBOOM! OhgoshBOMgoshBOMgoshBOOM! OhgoshBOMgoshBOMgoshBOOM! OhgoshBOMgoshBOMgoshBOOM! OhgoshBOMgoshBOMgoshBOOM! OhgoshBOMgoshBOMgoshBOOM! OhgoshBOMgoshBOMgoshBOOM! OhgoshBOMgoshBOMgoshBOOM! OhgoshBOMgoshBOMgoshBOOM! UnluckyunluckyunluckyBOOM! UnluckyunluckyunluckyBOOM! UnluckyunluckyunluckyBOOM! Nothappynothappynothappy! Nothappynothappynothappy! Nothappynothappynothappy! Can'ttakethiscan'ttakethisno! Can'ttakethiscan'ttakethisno! Can'ttakethiscan'ttakethisno! Never trust another person... Never trust another person... Never trust another person... Never trust another person... Never trust another person... Never trust another person... Never trust another person... Never trust another person... Never trust another person... Just leave me alone BOOM... Just leave me alone BOOM... Just leave me alone BOOM... Just leave me alone BOOM... Just leave me alone BOOM... Just leave me alone BOOM... Just leave me alone BOOM... Just leave me alone BOOM... Just leave me alone BOOM... THAT'S IT! NO MORE HAPPY LUCKY LOTTERY EVER, BOOM!"
• "I mean... if you EVER do that again, I will end this game. Promise you'll never do it!"

Luigi

• "Hey, Bro! Check it out! A letter from Princess Peach arrived for you!"
• "I'll just read it to you, how's that sound?"
• "Ahem! Now let's see here..."
• "What do you know? It's true! There's a weathered old map in here with the letter. Check it out!"
• "Well, hey, big brother! Fancy meeting you here! What a co-inky-dink!"
• "Eh? Who, me? Well, Bro, I'm on an adventure. I have to rescue Princess Eclair of the Waffle Kingdom. Yeah, it's a bad scene, all right. She's been kidnapped by the evil Chestnut King."
• "If you gotta know, I met with some Waffle Kingdom cabinet members the other day."
• "It was pretty crazy, Bro. Wanna hear what happened? It's a pretty long story..."
• "Well, I went to Rumblebump Volcano and got myself a Marvelous Compass piece! It was an incredible quest! There was danger, and all sorts of adventuring! It was pretty nutso, Bro. Wanna hear what happened? It's a pretty long story..."
• "Well, I got my second piece of the Marvelous Compass at Plumpbelly Village recently! Hoo, boy! I really got my hands dirty on that one, I'll tell you what! It was pretty wild, Bro. Wanna hear what happened? It's a pretty long story..."
• "Well, I headed to Circuit Break Island and got me a Marvelous Compass piece! You wouldn't believe it, Bro! Talk about thrills, chills, and spills! It was pretty nuts, Bro. Wanna hear what happened? It's a pretty long story..."
• "Well, I got another marvelous piece of that Marvelous Compass! At Jazzafrazz town, this time. Bro, I'm telling you, I turned adventuring into an art form on THAT little quest! Hoo! It was pretty nutty, Bro. Wanna hear what happened? It's a pretty long story..."
• "Hey, sounds good to me! Which part of my story you wanna hear, Bro?"
• "Well, like I said, it's a really long story, but here goes..."
• "If you wanna hear what I've been up to, just come find me, OK? I'll be around."
• "You go, Bro!"
• "Hey! That's awesome, Bro! Sounds like everyone's doing great over there!"

Waffle Kingdom Letter

• "My big brother--that's you, Bro--got a letter from Princess Peach and took off."
• "Left behind as usual, I was cooking a snack at home when another letter arrived."
• "We don't get so much mail, so I was thinking: 'Huh?' This is what the letter said: 'Sirs! My name is Crepe. I am a cabinet minister in the far-off Waffle Kingdom. Our land has been attacked by the Chestnut King, who took our Princess Eclair. I ask, nay, BEG for your assistance! The Waffle Kingdom needs your skills. I humbly request your prompt response, sirs. Sincerely, Crepe.' ...Well, I don't remember it exactly, but I think it went something like that."
• "With Mario--that's you, Bro--gone, it fell to me to answer this plea!"
• "Hesitating only a teensy bit, I headed to the Waffle Kingdom to investigate."
• "Oh, no, first I wrote a note to myself about what I was cooking. Then I left."
• "Once I reached the Waffle Kingdom, I met Minster Crepe, who filled me in."
• "The Chestnut King had kidnapped Princess Eclair and vanished."
• "Apparently, though, some oracle said a Marvelous Compass could locate her."
• "This Marvelous Compass had been broken into seven parts by an ancient curse...and those parts had been scattered across the land. Can you believe it, Bro?"
• "Each part of the Marvelous Compass was said to point to the next."
• "And since one of the parts had been embedded in the tiara worn by the princess... I surmised that once I collected all the parts, I'd find her! Smart, huh?"
• "The minister gave me the compass base spoken of in Waffler fables... When it activated, the entire thing lit right up, indicating the deep south... It was pointing me toward Rumblebump Volcano on the Pudding Continent!"
• "So, yeah, here I am! I'm sailing out of Rogueport for Rumblebump Volcano."
• "It's probably gonna be pretty dangerous, but... I gotta rescue that princess!"

Rumblebump Volcano

• "As soon as my ship docked on the Pudding Continent, I set out for the volcano."
• "To reach my destination, I spent several days fording through dense jungle..."
• "Scary beasts were all over! More than once, I thought I was done for, Bro!"
• "I may have screamed a bit. To scare them off, you know. But as fate would have it..."
• "A Blooper named Blooey heard me shrieking and found me in this one town."
• "Blooey was on a journey of his own, but he joined me after hearing my tale."
• "Now, Blooey's a madman. Back in his hometown, they call him 'White Torpedo'!"
• "Yeah, he's a tough guy. Anyway, he helped me fight to Rumblebump Volcano."
• "This place was all about bubbling lava pools and heat that'd make the sun sweat."
• "AND, the place was lousy with evil traps designed to protect the compass piece."
• "the scariest one of all was this gigantic, 100-foot-tall statue that stomped around."
• "Now, the weakness of this giant statue, Bro, was a red gem on its forehead..."
• "Now, I can jump high, but not high enough to reach this thing by a long shot."
• "So I came up with this plan for Blooey to hit that weak spot! 'All you, man!' I said!"
• "I waited for a pause in the statue's movements and hucked Blooey up there!"
• "And bull's-eye! The White Torpedo saved the day! That jewel got whacked!"
• "It was a critical hit, and that stone statue toppled and crumbled into pieces!"
• "Once that was done, it was an easy stroll to the room where the treasure was."
• "Unfortunately, Princess Eclair was nowhere to be found..."
• "But I got another piece of the Marvelous Compass, and put it in the base..."
• "Now the compass pointed west, to Plumpbelly Village on the Strudel Continent."
• "So I set sail once again and came back here to Rogueport to recharge."
• "That's what happened to me lately, but I'll be heading back out soon..."

Plumpbelly Village

• "Once we made landfall on the Strudel Continent, we made for Plumpbelly Village."
• "Once we got there, though, we immediately noticed that something was wrong."
• "We learned from the mayor that the town was ruled by a giant snake named Hizza!"
• "He said his own daughter was gonna be offered up as a sacrifice to this beast, too!"
• "So, of course, being heroic, I offered myself up to go in her stead! Brave, huh?"
• "Now, the custom was for sacrifices to be dressed as brides, so I got all dolled up..."
• "I was one hot sacrifice, Bro. I looked so good, I fooled our foes and got in Hizza's lair."
• "It was kind of rough fighting in that gown, but I managed. Chiffon really chafes, Bro!"
• "I finally found Hizza...and the snake had a second head on his tail! Talk about scary!"
• "I fainted real quick, but when I came to, I managed to distract both heads..."
• "It reared up, fangs bared to attack, and at that moment, I deftly lunged left!"
• "His gaping mouths smashed into one another...and he vanished in a cloud of smoke!"
• "A shining plate fell down on the spot where Hizza's body had been coiled..."
• "Yes! Another compass piece! I set it, and it pointed east, to Circuit Break Island!"
• "Just as I was about to leave town, the mayor asked me to stay and marry his daughter."
• "I thought about it--she was sorta cute--but we ended up sneaking off the next morning."
• "I mean, I still have to rescue Princess Éclair from the Chestnut King!"
• "And...when the Marvelous Compass activated this time, I heard somebody's voice."
• "It was so beautiful, Bro... I'm certain it was Princess Eclair's voice!"
• "My heart began to race! That's when I realized it: Princess Éclair... I think I..."
• "Oh! I kinda zoned out there. Umm... So, yeah. We set sail again after ditching town..."
• "And somehow we managed to get back here to Rogueport. And here I am!"

Circuit Break Island

• "Just as our boat arrived at Circuit Break Island, we heard this incredible racket!"
• "We soon found out that they hold kart races almost every day on the island."
• "Whoever takes first place gets to rule the island as king for that day."
• "Just as we got to the race track, they were holding the awards ceremony..."
• "I couldn't believe my eye! Right there, on the trophy they give to the winner..."
• "It was another piece of the Marvelous Compass! I almost passed dead away!"
• "I decided right then and there that the only thing to do was enter the next race."
• "I mean, I've driven in kart races before, so I'd thought I'd be OK. Boy, was I wrong."
• "The karts were supercharged machines that could send you airborne with their exhaust!"
• "These vehicles were armed with missiles and bazookas... It was 'anything goes,' Bro!"
• "Of course, I wanted to get out of there, pronto! These drivers were crazed!"
• "But I worked up my courage and signed up anyway. And my race day finally came..."
• "I got one of the best karts: the Big Green 01! I took my position at the start line..."
• "The light went green, I stomped the accelerator... and something bad happened."
• "I was in reverse! The Big Green 01 went rocketing backwards with me yelling..."
• "I crashed into the wall behind me hard enough to cut me off midscream."
• "In one fell swoop, I dropped into last place and wrecked my racing machine..."
• "But it wasn't all bad news: all the other karts crashed because of my maneuver..."
• "Once I got in gear and took off, I was the only car left! I won by a country mile, Bro!"
• "I took the piece off my trophy and added it to the Marvelous Compass..."
• "The compass came to life and pointed me toward Jazzafrazz Town in the east!"
• "Then I heard that voice! Princess Eclair's voice echoed in my ears again!"
• "Oh, my princess! Random words would form poetry if spoken by your voice!"
• "I will most definitely save you! Just wait for me! Princess Eclair!!!"
• "Oh! Sorry about that, Bro... Umm... So, after that, I got back on my boat..."
• "And came back here to Rogueport. And that's what's been up with me."

Jazzafrazz Town

• "As soon as we hit Jazzafrazzz Town, we were overcome by the glitz and the glamour."
• "It's a very lively place, Bro. Tons of Dayzees live there, and they're always smiling."
• "While looking for the piece of compass, I met a hip Dayzee named Hayzee."
• "Hayzee was a producer, and he was looking for actors to go on stage with him."
• "I told him we couldn't, since we were looking for the compass part, you know."
• "But Hayzee said we could WIN the compass part in the upcoming Drama Slam!"
• "He said the so-called Dramalamma Plaque might, in fact, be one of the parts!"
• "Well, we just had to give it a try, so we rehearsed with the cast and hit the stage!"
• "Our musical was called 'The Mystery of the Fiery Hat of Social Awareness."
• "The script was great, but I got really hosed, Bro... My 'role'... My 'part'..."
• "...Was grass! I played grass by the side of the road! Grass, Bro! Grass!"
• "I just sprawled out on the ground and had to be silent. Everyone but me had lines..."
• "I don't care if I was wearing green! Who casts someone based on that? It was awful!"
• "In the end, our musical was the talk of the town, and we won the Drama Slam."
• "I got the compass part I was after, but even that didn't make me very happy."
• "The huge after-party just bummed me out more, so I snuck out of the back door."
• "But WOW! Outside were a ton of fans! MY fans! fans of grass! They swarmed me!"
• "I just couldn't believe it! Imagine! Cheering for grass! I was estatic, Bro!"
• "After that I added the piece to the Marvelous Compass, which pointed north."
• "It pointed to the Rapturous Ruins in Grimble Forest. Then... The voice again..."
• "Oh my cherished Princess Eclair! How you soothe me! I would be grass for you..."
• "I will find you! I will reach you! I will stand by your side and be your Luigi!"
• "Wow. Sorry about that, Bro. Umm... So, yeah, anyway... Then I got back on my boat."
• "I came back to Rogueport, and here I am, another leg of my adventure completed!"

Rapturous Ruins

• "After journeying deep into the Grimble Forest, I found the domed Rapturous Ruins."
• "Inside, everything was pure white. You couldn't tell where the floor became walls..."
• "Proceeding dead ahead, I found myself in a chamber where a young boy sat."
• "As I approached the boy, someone named Screamy appeared out of nowhere!"
• "Screamy said the boy's name was Cranberry, and that he'd wake for a child of fate."
• "That didn't make any sense to me, so I started searching quietly for the compass piece."
• "But then it happened, Bro: I got a tiny tickle in my nose, and I let out a huge sneeze!"
• "Well, Cranberry must've heard it, 'cause he opened his eyes right up!"
• "He looked at me and smiled. And all of a sudden, I could understand his language!"
• "Can you believe it? I learned that the boy was the last of an ancient race, the Luffs..."
• "He had been there guarding the Marvelous Compass piece for the last thousand years!"
• "He told me that the compass is an item with the power to see into the future..."
• "The ancient Luff empire used the power of the compass to rule much of the world."
• "Because of their greed, they were cursed by the compass, and their empire collapsed."
• "To prevent a repeat of their fate, Cranberry broke the compass into seven parts."
• "He hid six and kept one, putting himself to sleep until a worthy hero woke him."
• "I WAS that hero, Bro! He gave it to me, and then he and the ruins vanished..."
• "When I added that piece to the compass..."
• "It pointed to the far north, where Dreaded Hatesong Tower stands."
• "This time, I heard Princess Eclair's voice more clearly than ever before!"
• "I will rescue the Princess! I will be super! And then I'll... I'll... I'll..."
• "Well, I'll figure the rest out later. Anyway, I headed back here to Rogueport after that."
• "I'm making my final preparations for my final battle now."
• "I'm a little nervous, Bro. But that's what I've been up to, anyway!"

Hatesong Tower

• "Hatesong Tower stands atop a jagged, unclimbable cliff beyond the northernmost sea."
• "The winds whistle down the cliff, howling like banshees singing songs of hate..."
• "People say it's pretty much the scariest place in the world. And I had to go there."
• "Blocking out the bone-chilling howls, I somehow managed to reach the tower's door."
• "I was terrified, but thoughts of Princess Éclair warmed my heart and gave me power."
• "All of my companions felt the same way. They were with me to the bitter end."
• "The door to the tower swung slowly open to reveal an inconceivable darkness..."
• "I tried to call out Princess Eclair's name, but I couldn't even breathe because..."
• "As I strained my eyes in the darkness, I saw the most terrifying beast of all!"
• "The Chestnut King himself appeared before me! He was monstrous and drooling!"
• "Puddles of toxic goo dripped from his mouth, melting the very ground at our feet!"
• "I couldn't stop shaking, but I gritted my teeth and faced the evil beast dead-on!"
• "I dodged the king's fangs, jumped onto his chest, and gave him a hammer-whack!"
• "My swing split the air and crashed dead-center onto the Chestnut King's skull!"
• "Hope powered me up, Bro! I was going toe-to-toe with the king, and I was loving it!"
• "'This is it' I thought! I can win this! I'll risk it all on my next blow!"
• "I gripped my hammer tight and waited for my moment... The tension stung me..."
• "SHHHHHWHAAAAACK! The ocean winds raged against the tower windows!"
• "With that sound as my call to battle, I advanced with no mercy in my heart!"
• "And then... And then... I beat him. I defeated the Chestnut King."
• "An even worse beast came next, a nightmare thing... but I beat it too."
• "I rescued Princess Éclair It was all over."
• "And then I came back to Rogueport and had a light lunch. And that's about it."

Magikoopa

• "You, fool, would do well to fear our dark magic..."
• "You are but a poor mortal, blind to the magic world..."

Marilyn

• "Guhhhhh..."
• "Guh! Guh!"
• "Uh... Guh! Guh?"
• "Guh! Guhhhhh?"
• "Guh! GUHHH!"
• "Uhhhh-guh..."
• "The Three..."
• "GUUUHHH!"
• "Guh!"
• "GUUUUUUUUUUUUH!"

Mario

• "Wohoo!"
• "Wah!"
• "Awawawawahaha!"
• "Yes!"

Master Crash

• "Nice to meet you BOMB!"
• "Well. Now that we've gotten to know each other, I will give you advice BOMB!"
• "As Ms. Jolene was saying, you'd better BOMB obey Mr. Grubba's conditions."
• "If you clear the conditions and win, you get to fight higher-ranked foes BOMB!" (GCN exclusive)
• "If you can't clear them, you BOMB end up battling a lower-ranked fighter BOMB!" (GCN exclusive)
• "You can't climb the BOMB ranks fighting the bottom of the barrel BOMB-BOMB!" (GCN exclusive)
• "If you can't clear the conditions and win, your rank won't go up even if you win the match BOMB." (Switch exclusive)
• "Not just sometimes BOMB! Advice is ALWAYS useful BOMB-BOMB!"
• "Here we go, Gonzales BOMB! I have advice! Just give up now BOMB-BOMB!"
• "We won BOMB-BOMB-BOMB! Gonzales is not too tough BOMB-BOMB!"
• "It is quite lonely without King K around BOMB..."
• "You are in BOMB denial, Cleftor. I saw you weeping in that locker BOMB-BOMB!"
• "Don't go easy on me because I am a rookie, BOMB-BOMB! Just come BOMB at me!"
• "I totally bombed BOMB! Maybe...I'm not the BOMB... But I'll win next BOMB time!"
• "Who's the bomb? BOMB! That's what BOMB you get! Come back for more BOMB!"
• "What do you have ticking in your BOMB chest? I have the heart of a champion BOMB!"
• "If you have any questions, feel free to BOMB ask me. I outrank you, after all BOMB!"
• "*If you have any questions, feel free to BOMB ask me. I outrank you after all BOMB!" (Switch)
• "I am always looking for the best BOMB-BOMB way to blow myself up in the ring."
• "You should think of how to make your moves look BOMB cool as well, Gonzales." (GCN exclusive)
• "As fighters, our job is to entertain the crowd BOMB!" (GCN exclusive)
• "Y'see, Gonzales...as a fighter, you can't forget to entertain the crowd, BOMB!" (Switch exclusive)
• "Do you always follow the conditions BOMB set by the promoter?"
• "If you don't, you'll never get any BOMB matches with higher-ranked fighters!"
• "*If you don't, your rank BOMB won't go up." (Switch)
• "You should always adjust your badges and partners according to your foe BOMB!"
• "And do I even really need to BOMB mention napping to heal your BOMB HP and FP?"
• "Teamwork is important BOMB! The match is not just for your personal glory BOMB!"
• "If you want to win, you need to know how BOMB your partner fights!"
• "Using items correctly is very important, too BOMB!"
  • "Using items correctly is very important too BOMB!" (Switch)
• "You can buy items at the store outside the Glitz Pit, so take BOMB a look."
• "Don't BOMB got the coin? You can always earn some through the Exhibition Matches." (Switch exclusive)
• "Following the promoter's conditions is not easy, but it's BOMB the only way up!"
• "So act like a professional and you'll be on your way up in BOMB no time!"
• "*So act like a professional, and you'll be on your way up in BOMB no time!" (Switch)
• "Even if you're not feeling your best, you must put on a BOMB-BOMB good show!"
• "It's hard when you're not into it, but that is what being a BOMB pro is about!"
• "Developing a reliable style is good, but don't forget to try new things BOMB!"
• "That's the way you make new discoveries and really grow as a BOMB fighter."
• "You're BOMB back in the minor league? But you were our brightest hope BOMB!"
• "...What's the matter BOMB? Did you leave something in here BOMB?"
  • "What's the matter BOMB? Did you leave something in here BOMB?" (Switch)
• "Gonzales is back BOMB! It's an honor to BOMB fight in the same arena again!"
• "Gonzales, why BOMB are you spinning your wheels here? Go blow up some fools BOMB!" (GCN exclusive)
• "But watch out BOMB! Because I'll be gunning for you BOMB soon!" (GCN exclusive)

Mayor Dour

• "Oh, badness... Now poor Freddy got turned into a pig... Not good."
• "I'm the mayor of this poor town. Some call me Dour. I'm not exactly the sharpest fellow, but I do believe you're adventurers, right? This isn't the place for the telling of tales, sadly. Come. Come to my home."
• "My traveling friends... Welcome to Twilight Town. Well, I'd LIKE to welcome you... But "welcoming" people is generally a good thing, and it's nothing but bad here."
• "As you may have guessed...our town has been cursed."
• "Yes, cursed. That is the right word, right? Yes, of course it is. You see... Beyond town is a forest, and in its heart is an ancient building, the Creepy Steeple. The dark creature who lives there... Its curse ordains that when the steeple bell rings... One of the Twilighters living here in the village...becomes a pig."
• "Will my loved ones become swine? Will I, too, become a curly-tailed oinker? I'm so worried, I can't sleep at night. Of course, night and day are pretty similar here... If this keeps up...well...the village will be one giant pigpen. Which would be bad. Let me give you some advice. Leave us! Leave before you, too, get...piggified!"
• "Uh... I don't know about any Crystal Star thing...but in Creepy Steeple... There's a glittery red stone shaped like a star..."
• "Uh... You people... You aren't thinking of going to Creepy Steeple, are you?!? Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... Unthinkable..."
• "I can't believe it was a fake Mario all that time... So we were all fooled... I'm so sorry, Mario... After all you've done for our town... Did we hurt your feelings?"
  • (Maybe a little...)
• "... Er... Well, all right, it's OK to be in touch with your. So then! You've brought a shining ray of light to our dim little town! Twilight Town thanks you!"
  • (Nah, not really.)
• "You're a bigger man than I, Mario! Such fortitude! You're a true hero! You've brought a shining ray of light to our dim little town! Twilight Town thanks you!"
• "Please come back to visit anytime you like!"

Mayor Kroop

• "Hmph? Whuzzat? Someone there? Who is it? WHO?!? What do you want from me? I know! You're thieves! Here to rob a defenseless old Koopa! Despicable!"
• "Go on, do what you will...but as you can plainly see, there's nothing to steal here. Oh, I guess I have a little money... Take it, you fiends. And my antique shell, too. Just leave the photos of me and the missus. Can't do without those memories..."
• "What? Not thieves, you say? Well, what's your story, then? Oh, wait... You folks looking for Crystal Stars?"
• "Well, why didn't you pipe up before, you ijit! We're just wasting time, here!"
• "The Crystal Stars you say you're hunting... Errrmm... Wait... What did I hear about those dang things, again?"
• "Aha! Got it! Hooktail! Hooktail's got what you're looking for! It's (GCN) / She's (Switch) this enormous, ornery dragon. Eats folks, they say. You know Hooktail, right?"
• "Well, this Hooktail's brutal fly-by snackings have all of us on pins and needles. So, are you reckless fools... I mean... Are you gallant heroes off to rough it (GCN) / her (Switch) up?"
• "This DOES sound promising!"
• "Why, if you can rid us of Hooktail, we'll shower you with gratitude and rewards. Wait, what's that I hear? You'll accept no rewards?"
• "What an unselfish man! You're noble, indeed... Yup, a good egg. Now... What did you say your name was, again?"
• "...Murphy? Hmm... That's a fine name. Yes, a fine name, indeed. Well now, Murphy..."
• "I appreciate that, Murphy! They ARE nice eyebrows."
• "Now, listen up. If you're intent on going to Hooktail's castle, find the secret pipe near this village. I don't know where it's at, but I know you need stone keys to use that pipe. The keys are somewhere in Shhwonk Fortress, just past the village. Get them first."
• "Well then, Murphy... Get going and take care of that Hooktail monster!"
• "Ahem... May I just add... If anything happens, you can always come home, Koops. Don't you ever forget that. This village will always be your home."
• "Oops! I forgot to set out the tea! Aren't I an old ninny? My apologies. In fact, I haven't even added the hot water part. Awful sorry. ...At least I THOUGHT you could, but it looks like you can't carry anything else. I'll leave it here for you, so you can come get it anytime you like, OK?"
• "Hmmm, now?"
• "What's this shiny thing?"
• "...I wonder, kids, if this is related to the sky getting all dark and whatnot..."
• "Uh... Er... Whuh... Hmmm... Umm... Wh-What's going on?"

McGoomba

• "You never know who'll be watching, so let's do this thing quick."
• "Take this package to Goomfrey. You'll find him in front of Frankly's place."
• "And try not to be seen."
• "Did you deliver it? Phew! You saved my neck, buddy."
• "Oh! I almost forgot your compensation. You saved my neck. You get something good."

Merlee

Regular

• "We're under the folks up top! In my fortune-telling shop! I see your fortune...but stop! If you wish to talk to me, across the table you must be. Thank you, really, golly, gee!" (GCN)
  • "We're under the folks up top! My charmer's hut is a special shop! I can change your luck... but stop! If you wish to talk to me, across the table you must be. Thank you, really, golly, gee!" (Switch)
• "Hello. Welcome. I'm Merlee. Underground, cute as can be! A fortune-teller, that is me. Lucky for you, coming here. I tell fortunes, have no fear! ♡" (GCN)
• "Let my mystic power tell of days to come...more, as well. For luck sits on my spells. What do you say, Mr. Guy? Want to give it a try?" (GCN)
  • "Hello. Welcome. I'm Merlee. Underground, cute as can be! A charming charmer, that is me. Lucky for you, coming here. I grant good fortune, have no fear! Let my mystic power tell of days to come...more as well. For luck sits on my spells. What do you say, Mr. Guy? Want to give it a try?" (Switch)
• "Fortune favors who I compel it to. And that's anyone who sits for a spell or two." (Switch)
• "Are you ready for a taste of power?" (Switch)
• "Anything else you need of me?" (Switch)
• "That's good. That's great! Choose your path to fate! ♡ Which path do you choose?"
• "That's not good at all. But then, it's your call. I surely hope that you'll return... with money to burn."
• "On my spells and magic I must tattle— they'll bring more profitable battles. How long before each spell will end? That depends on the coins you spend! But on the form of my blessing... there's no knowing, only guessing!" (Switch)
• "You still have power oozing off of you. Knowing that, you want a spell redo?" (Switch)
• "That's good. That's great! Choose your path to fate! Which path do you choose?"
• "Your coins! Where are they? Not enough to play! Oh, too bad! So sad! Come again! Yes, bye-bye! I'll be waiting for you, guy!" (GCN)
  • In the Switch version, everything after "So sad!" is omitted.
• "But your coins! Where are they? Oh, you don't have enough to play! A different path must be chosen. Which will you choose to put into motion?" (Switch)
• "OK. That's fine by me! So, ready? Ready for me? OK... Here we go! ♡"
• "My mystic power can make you smile! ♡ In battle, you'll win with style! Even if nasty foes arrive, you'll be fine since my fortune will thrive! ♡" (GCN)
• "OK! Come again! See you soon! See you then! Good-bye! ♡" (GCN)
  • "My mystic power can make you smile! In battle, you'll win with style! Even if nasty foes arrive, you'll be fine since my fortune will thrive! OK! Come again! See you soon! See you then! Goodbye!" (Switch)

Trouble

• "I really must know how to bake a yummy, tasty Heartful Cake! To Petalburg you must go, ask Toce T. all she knows!" (GCN)
  • "I really must know how to bake a yummy, tasty Heartful Cake! In a house by a gate you must go, to ask Petalburg's Toce T. all she knows!" (Switch)
• "So, did you find the recipe for Heartful Cake for little old me?"
• "Ah! I remember now! That's right! Of course! Wow! Oh no, what shall I do? I have no Cake Mix! Boo-hoo! And I can't leave my shop here... Oh dear... Oh dear... Oh dear... Oh dear... I hate to ask, but could you please bring me some Cake Mix? I'm on my knees!"
• "I really, really want to make a tasty, tasty Heartful Cake! I hate to ask, but could you please bring me some Cake Mix? I'm on my knees!"
• "Do you have Cake Mix for me? Do you have it? Let me see!"
• "Thank you! You're the best! You passed my trouble test! Cannot make a cake without Cake Mix, right? No doubt! As you make a Heartful Cake, mix Ruin Powder well to make the Cake Mix properly bake! I'm going to make it tonight! And it will be out of sight! Then I'll charm someone right! Thanks so much to you, dear. Here is your reward. Here!"

Merlon

• "Welcome to the home of Merlon, the super-magician. I foresaw your arrival. So... Which partner would you like me to power up?"
• "Shall I power up this partner?"
• "SHA-ZIBBY! SHA-ZOOBY!"
• "Then you may go!"

Merluvlee

• "Ahhhhhhhhhhhh-hah! ♡ Welcome, Mario. I am Merluvlee, the lovely fortune-teller. Seeing with my amazing abilities that which you seek is my humble job. The light of the shining stars will light that I wish to see. Ah-hah! ♡ So! Shall I see something for you?"
• "Ahhhhhhhhhhhh-hah! ♡ Welcome, Mario! Seeing with my amazing abilities that which you seek is my humble job. So... Shall I see something for you?"
• "Ahhhhhhhhhhhh-hah! ♡ Wait, what? You lack enough coins. Coins are the only thing that can activate my visions... Return once you have some."
• "[Oh, your next path?/Star Pieces/Shine Sprites?] Ahhhhhh... ♡ I understand. ♡ I shall look for what you seek."
• "Hocus Pocus FOCUS! Caaaaaabra da abraaaaaa! HULLABALOOOOOOOOO! Packapookapeekaboo! Ah! Ahhhhhhhh! ♡ Stars! Show me what I seek!"
• "No... I'm terribly sorry... There aren't any Star Pieces you can get right now. Please, take your coins back. Please return to me later."
• "No... I'm terribly sorry... but there aren't any Shine Sprites you can get right now. I'll return your coins to you. Please return to me later."
• "I cannot see the path that lays before you... Perhaps you should do the things you must do here first. Just continue doing what you think you should be doing. Please, take your coins back. Good-bye... Mario!"
• "Shall I see anything else for you?"
• "Ahhhhhhh-hah! Is that so? Well, if there is ever anything you want to find, just ask."
• "Ahhhhhhhhhhhh-hah! ♡ Welcome, Mario! If you wish me to look for the item you seek, speak to me from across the table."

Mr. Hoggle

• "No! Bad! So very bad! Behave yourself, egg!"
• "No! Bad! Come back! Help! My important egg escaped! Somebody, catch it!"
• "So bad! It does not even have arms and legs, and still I cannot catch it!"
• "My menu was going to have the Southern Fried Egg Dog of Tastiness, but now... Bad!"
• "I ordered that naughty egg from an island in the south! I had to pay shipping, too!"
• 'Don't just stand there! Help catch it!!!"
• "MOST AWFULLY BAD!"
• "Come down from there, egg! How am I supposed to get it now? FLY there?!?"
• "You! Don't just stand there with your mustache! Find a way to get up there!"
• "Aww... Fine. Most people don't like eating stuff that jumps all over the place, anyway."

Ms. Mowz

• "Huh? Oh, my! Who's this handsome piece of cheese?"
• "I can't believe there are other thieves here besides me. How very strange..."
• "Me? Why, I'm Ms. Mowz, the globe-trotting thief! Heard of me, sweetie? ♡"
• "I heard there were rare and valuable badges here in this castle. That's why I'm here."
• "But the real question is...why are people like YOU roaming in such a run-down place?"
• "Crystal Star, you say? Mmmm hmm hmm!"
• "I didn't know a thing like THAT was hidden in this castle... Sounds intriguing!"
• "Perhaps I just heard something you didn't want me hearing? Mmm hmm hmm hmm!"
• "Oh, but that's OK... I mean, you were looking for this Crystal Star first..."
• "And I already found the badge I was after, so I'll let you get your Crystal Star. ♡"
• "Mmmm hmm hmm hmm! ♡ It means I must say bye-bye for now, Mr. Cutie."
• "I know. It's sad. We just met, and already it is time to say farewell. Alas... ♡"
• "Oh, I almost forgot... I have a little secret to share with you. ♡"
• "Somewhere in this castle is a badge that'll help you best Hooktail, or so I've heard."
• "I don't know what kind of badge it is. Maybe you found it already, maybe not."
• "If you're going to fight Hooktail, I'd recommend finding that badge first."
• "Well, take care, handsome mustache man! Let's get together again real soon!"
• "We must move quickly, love. Let's go to the professor's office, quick as a wink! We have to speak to him of Princess Peach's e-mail."
• "Well, we're waiting, Professor. What did you find out?"
• "You strange, strange man. What did THAT mean?"
• "Well, the way I see it, it may be entirely the wrong idea to collect these things. Why, someone could just steal all the Crystal Stars from us and resurrect that demon! I feel as though the best course of action might be to destroy them utterly."
• "Oh, my! I suppose we'd better shake our tails and find the other Crystal Stars! Tell me, Professor, where is the next one located?"
• "Keelhaul Key?"
• "Don't be so coy, Admiral! We've already found out your identity!"
• "But… Don't be like that! We truly need your help, can't you see that? Without you, we'll surely meet our ends on the way to Keelhaul Key!"
• "Mmmm… Your thoughts, Mario? We don't seem to be getting anywhere with this man."
• "I can't help but wonder… What could turn such a man against the sea? I think our only option is to ask around and see if anyone knows his tale."
• "Why must romance so often end in tragedy? Why?!? I see why he won't sail…"
• "Thank you, Podley. That had to hurt you to admit… We'll deliver the letter. Let's go, Mario."
• "Admiral Bobbery!!! Excellent!"
• "'You out there in front of the TV'? I think that man might have the sea madness."
• "Mmmmm… Mario, sweetie? I believe Bobbery may just be sleeping… Yes, in fact, I'm positive. And after all that worrying… Smack him awake, sweetie!"
• "Bobbery… He's not quite up to speed, I don't think…"
• "Such melodrama… You're still alive, dearie."
• "Mario, dearie… I think that Flavio's gem might be just the thing for that eyehole…"
• "Mmmm… Is he actually on our side, do you think?"
• "There's that terrible voice again… I'd say those ghosts are probably nearby…"
• "Oh, I'm sure they'll be completely fine here… Let's go, Mario."
• "Mario… I think the time is right for us to head for the door, don't you think?"
• "Do you hear that, sweetie? Your captured princess must be e-mailing you."
• "My, my, my! The princess is quite capable, isn't she? We've work to do, too!"
• "OK, then! Now we must go see Professor Frankly."
• "Hey… Isn't that place simply BURSTING with the rich and famous? Excellent."
• "Well? Don't tease us, Professor. How do we get there from here?"
• "You know, I had heard that one must be rich or famous to ride the Excess Express…"
• "Oh, I do NOT think that's a good idea! Do you know him? He is NOT one to mess with! …Ah, well. If we have to, then I'm in, but it could get ugly. Come on, Mario. Let's go."
• "You mean that cutie Frankie and that darling Francesca? They were on Keelhaul Key!"
• "Do you think these two can really make it on their own, dearie? Personally, I don't think so. Yes, we should help them…"
• "Lovely! Next stop, Poshley Heights! Marvelous! I've begun to think we should find that sixth Crystal Star as fast as we can…"
• "Oh, my! You're Beldam!"
• "We'd better move, Mario! If she gets to Poshley Heights before we do… Quickly! To Rogueport Station!"
• "Mmmm…the Excess Express! Now this is what I call traveling in style! The three days to Poshley Heights will be over before we know it, dearie!"
• "Mmmmm? There's something on the floor… Trash, perhaps? When did that get there?"
• "Mm… What a strange threat… Do you think that Beldam woman might be behind it? Well, at any rate, the fact that the note is here means the culprit is on the train. We must find this ne'er-do-well before he or she can hatch a plan!"
• "Oh, hang on! This looks like spilled stew on the carpet! How marvelous! We can just follow the drops to the thief! It might even be the same person that wrote the sticky, yummy threat, dearie! …What makes me say that? It takes a thief to find a thief, sweetie!"
• "All right, dearie, let's turn in, shall we? The conductor can handle any problems."
• "This document is just like the other one! The suspect must be in here somewhere…"
• "Mario, dearie! What are THESE things?!?"
• "Do you think these little beasts flipped the switch? Let's hurry up and find it so we can switch it back!"
• "Mmm, the beginning of a new day… And such a cool and brisk morning, as well!"
• "Hey, aren't those the things from the station yesterday? They must've stowed away!"
• "Oh, no, they've gotten inside the train! We have to take them out!"
• "What IS that vile thing? …Oh, no! Mario, look! It's got the other passengers!"
• "We're finally here, dearie! Let's waste no time, hmmmm? Let's find Poshley Sanctum, as Frankly recommended."
• "Hmm… Should I just jimmy the lock, dearie?"
• "Hmmmm? You live here? So YOU'RE the Sanctum Manager? Oh, my… I thought you were a detective!"
• "Oh, dear! We're too late!!! We'd better go after them!"
• "Mario! Is that an e-mail from your princess?"
• "Mmmm… The moon, is it? Peach is on the moon? Sounds intriguing! But why is her e-mail cut off? You don't think…something's happened to her…do you?"
• "Oooh, it's so chilly… I wonder where this place is."
• "My, my, what's this now? The last Crystal Star… It can't possibly be there…"
• "The moon?!? Isn't the princess trapped there, too? Something about this doesn't seem right…"
• "We're using a CANNON to get to the moon? Whatever you say, darling…"
• "Well, where is this Fahr Outpost, Professor?"
• "An Ultra Hammer? But, sweetie, we've already got one of those!"
• "No problem at all, sweetie! Fahr Outpost, it is!"
• "So, this is Fahr Outpost… I don't see any cannon that can shoot to the moon… I guess we should start by chatting with the villagers, don't you think?"
• "We did it, sweetie!"
• "AAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIII!"
• "Oh, my! That was quite fun! I can't say I ever thought I'd take a ride like THAT!"
• "Well, here we are, on the moon, dearie! Are you ready? Then let's find the last Crystal Star and save Peach!"
• "This building smells suspicious. Let's be careful, dearie!"
• "Mario! These X-Naut soldiers running around means… Yes, I'm positive! The Crystal Star must be here, too!"
• "Peach must be here, too! Let's find her, dearie!"
• "Where are we, anyway?"
• "We're underneath Rogueport! The X-Nauts used that thing to come here from the moon!"
• "You! Been waiting, have you? And what does THAT mean?"
• "So Peach WAS here! Where did you take her, you awful man?!?"
• "Don't kid yourself, dearie!"
• "Mario!"
• "We've finally got all seven Crystal Stars! Fantastic! Now we can open the Thousand-Year Door! Mmm, but…"
• "We still don't know where Peach is…"
• "Well, let's head back to Rogueport, dearie. Perhaps the professor can help us find Princess Peach."
• "Where are we now?"
• "Peach is in the Palace of Shadow?"
• "But…what'll happen to you?"
• "…We understand, TEC."
• "Mario! We have to save Peach…for TEC, too!"
• "Hmmm… Did you hear that?"
• "She was, yes…but the X-Naut boss took her and went to the Thousand-Year Door…"
• "Ex-CUSE me? Without the seventh Crystal Star, that door should never have opened!"
• "Hmm! Look! The door!!!"
• "I'm with you, Mario!!!"
• "What an unpleasant place… but we don't have a choice in the matter! We have to get in there and save Peach before this gets any more out of hand! Let's go, dearie!"
• "AAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIII!"
• "Mmm… We get out of one odd room just to find another… It's so huge…like an underground city, almost… What IS this place?"
• "Isn't that Hooktail, dearie? I thought you beat Hooktail… What's it (GCN) / she (Switch) doing here???"
• "Mario! Look at that!"
• "It's so big…but what is it?"
• "My! It's moving!"
• "Huh? What?!?"
• "What was that?"
• "What?!? Professor Frankly?!? What are YOU doing here?!?"
• "Opening the door for you? What do you mean by THAT, you awful thing?"
• "Oh, I think YOU'RE the ones who will be smarting after this! Let's finish it!"
• "Let's leave these idiots, Mario..."
• "This room gives me a very bad feeling, dearie. What IS this chamber?"
• "So, this fellow is the leader of those X-Nauts?"
• "No! So the last Crystal Star we found on the moon… We were so blind!"
• "Be careful, dearie! He looks tough!"
• "We'll never let that happen!"
• "Mm?"
• "Princess Peach?!?"
• "You wouldn't!"
• "What do we do, Mario? I don't like our chances if we don't attack him…"
• "What? This isn't very fair! All this and Bowser, too?!?"
• "Phew… That was too close. At least we've got that thorn pulled out of our sides. Now…let's save Peach!"
• "What?!? Where's Grodus?!?"
• "That was Peach!"
• "What's going on here?!?"
• "Possess Peach?!?"
• "P-Peach…"
• "Wh-What's going on, Mario?"
• "Who does this witch think she is? Mario is no pawn of evil! Ridiculous! Right, Mario?"
• "Mario, you've been through a lot to get here… You've worked miracles in that time… So keep your magic going here… Mario, my sweet! Muster your courage and defeat the Shadow Queen!"
• "Mario, what should we do? We could be finished…"
• "Why are we even talking about this? NEVER!"
• "The Crystal Stars? Ahhhh!!!"
• "Is that…"
• "Can you hear them, Mario? So many voices…"
• "They're… They're all sending us their wishes and positive energy… That's so nice…"
• "Mario! Look at THAT!!!"
• "That voice… Princess Peach?!?"
• "What… What IS this? I feel completely full of powerful energy now…"
• "PEACH!!!"
• "Mario! This is it, dearie! We're almost through!"
• "Now we're in business! Get ready to pay!"
• "Princess Peach!"
• "Mario! Come here!"
• "Princess Peach is A-OK! She's not even hurt!"
• "Don't fret, Peach! It wasn't too much trouble…"
• "Oh, Professor…"
• "It is time for us to part, my little cheese hunk. But I will not say farewell, because you're welcome here anytime you please, sweetie! Until then... adieu."
• "Mmm hmm hmm! It means I must say bye bye for now Mr. Cutie. I know. It's sad. We just met. But for now, farewell!"
• "Mmmm… I'd stay out of dark alleys for a little while if I were you…"
• "My! What a crab!"
• "You look a bit weak to be fighting us... Mmm hmm hmm!"
• "Well, what did you expect?"

Pa-Patch

• "Oy, Flavio!"
• "Heard you talkin' there, sir! If you don't mind me sayin'... I might 'ave a solution..."
• "Well, sir, I've 'eard talk of a famed... No! A LEGENDARY sailor livin' in Rogueport. Yeah, I think he's called Admiral Bobbery... A salty sea dog, by all accounts... But...he's said to 'ave the Helmsman's Touch, sir: he can make any ship bow to his will. Thing is, there ain't a soul wot's seen him on the seas of late..."
• "Great. He's started again. A "tale of bravery", right? I heard this one yesterday..."
• "There's nowhere to escape to... We just have to listen until he's finished... Yeah, if you interrupt him midstory, he absolutely loses it, too... ...Uh, why is the ...What? Wait, what's going on here? The ship's stopping."
• "Oy! Master Flavio! Awful sorry to interrupt that wicked story... But the ship's stopped..."
• "Oh, aye aye, Flavio! I'll get on it, right quick! Wait a tick!"
• "Yeah, yeah, I'm workin' on it! Just wait a Goomba-stompin' moment, ya scallywags..."
• "OY! Quit shovin', eh?!? I'm workin' over 'eere! I said QUIT SHOVIN'!!"
• "Uh...AARGH!"
• "...Th-Th-They're 'ere!"
• "N-N-No... They're upon us... The p-p-p-pirate...GHOSTS!"
• "All them rumors were true!"
• "Whuh... Uh... What do we do? We gotta get outta here! AAAAAAAAAAIGH!"
• "Oy! Captain 'Stache!"
• "It ain't much, but we finished a wee hut for you to rest in! Come 'ave a look!"
• "What are you talkin' 'bout?!? You were the one quakin' in 'is boots, fancy pants!"
• "That's right, fancy pants! Fancy pants! Fancy pants! Fancy pants! Fancy pants!"
• "Oy, that's right fine by me! I can't wait to put a few dents in those fancy threads!"
• "C-C-Captain 'Stache! Them ghosts are back!"
• "Yes! Yer a bloomin' BEAST, Captain 'Stache!"
• "What?!? The spirit o' Cortez was guardin' the treasure? An' you beat 'im, but you left all the treasure there?!? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! What were you THINKIN'?!? Were you tryin' to be NICE?!? Awww, well... That's what I like about you, I guess..."
• "AAAAACK! What is THAT?!?"
• "Oy, now... Ain't that good ol' Four-Eyes?"
• "Look, we're sailors... We're not much good for anythin' wifout a ship to sail!"
• "Oy! I ain't lettin' ol' Flavio Fancy-Pants hog the glory! Come on, Captain 'Stache!"
• "Yeah, I'm gonna stay here. It's a right nice place to live wifout any ghosts, eh?"
• "General White? Yeah, he was 'ere until a second ago. But he took off, right quick. Said he was goin' to an arena, or somefin'..."

Paragoomba

• "Wassup, baby? Why don't you hang with us for a while? We play real nice!"
• "What, you're too good for us? Come off it, sister!"

Parakarry

• "Mail call!"

Parrot

• "Skrawk? What happened to those weirdos who were just here? Ah, whatever... It was almost nice to have some company... I mean, no matter how important it is that no one know[s] his real name... Locking me up in here just because I know it... And making me guard the name's stupid missing letter... No way to treat a parrot! I REALLY want a cracker... Doopliss, you're a big meanie. When's feeding time, huh?"
• "Skra-WAAAAAAAAAARK?!? Uh... Pretty bird! Pretty bird!"
• "Man, am I tired of this stupid parrot babble act... It's so demeaning. And guarding this dumb letter here... I should report that Doopliss to the proper authorities...unless he gives me a cracker."
• "Shine get! Shine get!"

Pennington

• "Rudimentary, my dear Luigi!"
• "No need for introductions. I know all about the famous Luigi!"
• "We could have questioned him about all that Beldam business..."
• "Ah, it is my dear Luigi! What are you doing at my doorstep, young fellow?"
• "Well, yes... That is more like a hobby of mine, if the truth must be told."
• "But enough chatter, hm? Shall we go inside?"
• "Just a second there, Luigi! Exactly WHAT is going on here? Speak quickly!"
• "Hm, yes, quite rudimentary... So you were looking for the Crystal Star in this sanctum..."
• "Ohohohohohohohohohoho! Yes, very interesting..."
• "Well, no cause for worry! The Crystal Star is safe! Yes, quite safe, indeed!"
• "The stone that our rude friends stole was fortunately a red herring! A fake!"
• "The real one is hidden somewhere in this sanctum to prevent such a theft!"
• "However... As to the location of the real Crystal Star..."
• "Well, as Sanctum Manager, I am, of course, prohibited from telling anyone..."
• "However...I do know where it is! Of that you can be most certain! Yes, indeed!"
• "Besides, I am sure a junior detective like yourself can could find it on your own!"
• "Now, Luigi! Put to use all of the razor-sharp sleuthing skills I have taught you! Make me proud!"
• "Hm... So that is where it was..."
• "Oh, er, nothing! NOTHING! Just talking to my brain. All genuises do it."
• "Congratulations, Luigi! You have found the real Crystal Star!"
• "So please, feel free to take it... I will just put another fake one over here..."
• "Well, traveling with you has been rather hectic, but I do admit, rather fun, as well!"
• "I am sure you still a long road ahead, Luigi, but do not give up!"
• "I do believe I will miss you when you are gone, Luigi."
• "Oh, and, Luigi... Please give my regards to your dear brother!"
• "You there! I have you now, villains! You...are common thieves! Aren't you? AREN'T YOU???"
• "My eyes never deceive!"
• "…Uh-oh. B-Bowser, you say? Remorseless King of… What was that last bit, again? Yes, well, no matter! Hmm… Yes… Yes… I… So I deduced! Ahem! Then listen well! That Crystal Star is actually a veritable red herring! Yes! An imposter!"
• "What? The Shadow Thief?!? I knew this had the scent of no mere burglary!!! Ha! You've been hornswoggled, Shadow Thief...for that is a red herring! A fake!"
• "I see… Unfortunately for you… that's a red herring. Yes, a fake. If you want it, it's yours."
• "If you must know, I gave the real one to Luigi! Ohhhhh ho ho ho ho ho!"
• "...Will you, now? Luigi! Well done, lad! Way to not fail! ...Yet."
• "M–Mario?? G–Gonzales?? Not... L–Luigi??"
• "Luigi... Er, no, rather... I mean M–Mario... How are you, dear boy?"

Petuni

• "...Big brother?!? Is that my Punio?"
• "I knew you'd come for me, Punio! I just KNEW it!"
• "OK!"
• "Big brother! You came!"
• "OK, big brother! I'll be waiting."
• "It's a mushroom..."
• "Yeah, Yeah, I know... I picked it so I could give it to my brother to eat. But then I got captured and stuck in here, and after a few days it dried out..."
• "Big brother!!!"
• "Nope! I'm fine!"
• "Hey, Big brother... I have something for you!"
• "I meant to give this to you sooner, but..."
• " Mushrooms are your favorite, aren't they, big brother? But... Well this one kinda got dried out..."
• "Big brother... It was icky, wasn't it?"
• "I'm sorry."
• "Big brother? You OK?"
• "Hey, quit it, Punio! C'mon! Don't get all mushy! Everyone's staring!"
• "...Aw, it was nothing!"
• "Eek! Y-You're scary, Mister Giant Bad-Breath Monster!"
• "Brother!!! Mario's in trouble! That's what the Crystal Star is here to tell us! I just KNOW it!"
• "Mario! Flurrie! C'mon! Don't give up!"
• "...B-Brother?"
• "Take these with you!"
• "These are VERY fresh Mushrooms!"

Pierre

• "If you've come all the way here, you must've seen some serious, dangerous action. That's good. Danger's good. Believe me, I know."
• "Who, me? My name's Pierre. I'm what's technically called a "completely awesome thief." I used to work as a geologist researching the rocks under town, but it paid NOTHING. That's when Ishnail, the boss of the Robbos, picked me up. I've since washed my hands of geology and am now an amazing thief. Ha ha ha HA!"
• "Hey, it's The Mustache! You remember me, right? Pierre the Thief! I've got to be straight, here. Ishnail told me to wash my hands of thievery. So... I can't be a geologist... I can't be a thief... What should I do, you think? Do I have NO talents? Ha ha ha HA! That's funny!"
• "Hey! It's The Mustache! Remember me? It's Pierre, the unemployed slacker! So, I decided to quit thieving, but I still really want to hang out with Ishnail. Hmm... But if I'm not going to be a thief, I have to do something else for him. What should I do, huh? I wonder if I'm just dumb. Ha HA! Dumb's a funny word!"
• "Hey! It's The Mustache! Remember me? It's Pierre, the unemployed slacker! Is it really true you defeated the Shadow Queen? That's absolutely amazing! You've inspired me to figure out how I can help Ishnail without being a thief."

Pine T. Sr.

• "Huh? What? Who are you??? WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
• "Wow! Did you come here just to save me?"
• "Really? Pine T. Jr.? Wow! Good... I have to get back alive. Show me the way out!"
• "Don't mind me! Just beat 'em!"
• "OK. Let's go."
• "Hey! The exit! OK, Pine T. Jr.! I'm on my way home!"
• "Sorry for troubling you."

Piranha Plant

• "Prepare to be ensnared, mystified, and devoured!"
• "Like helpless bugs in a web... Our latest victims!"

Podler

• "Oh, you're Mr. Gonzales! Yeah, that's the mustache I've been waiting for!"
• "Actually, you're pretty late... Somebody left a package and a note by the door a bit ago."
• "The letter said: "Look for a thick-'stached man named Gonzales and give him this.""
• "The "this" the letter was talking about is...this."
• "So far's I could tell, that hammer's a new model, the HAMMERWHACK 2005..."
• "Real nice hammer all around. Solid craftsmanship, good grip, high bonkability."
• "The commercials for this thing say that the hammer chooses its user..."
• "They aren't cheap, either, so whoever gave this to you must be a big fan."
• "But... Why leave it in this juice shop? Doesn't that strike you as a bit odd?"
• "I mean, it's not like it's that hard to hand a gift a pro fighter..."

Podley

• "Admiral Bobbery? Yeah... Yeah, I know him. You know that house just past the wall in the eastern part of town? That's his. But I think both you and he would be better off if you just let him be..."
• "You say Bobbery won't go to sea, huh? Well, can't say that surprises me."
• "The real question is, are you folks REALLY sure you want Bobbery back on the water?"
• "Oh, is that it? Now I see... You want to mount an expedition to Keelhaul Key... Rough seas out there."
• "In that case, get ready... Bobbery's tale of woe goes something like this..."
• "A virus? A passing cold? No one knew, but it soon turned serious. Bobbery, at sea on a long, lonely voyage, knew nothing of his bride's suffering."
• "They tormented him always, haunting his sleep. He has never gone out to sea since."
• "You all know his tale now... So, tell me: do you still want him to return to sea?"
• "In that case, let the miserable old soul be and make your way without him."
• "It was her last request. But when I saw Bobbery in misery, trying to forget the pain as he mourned his wife... I just couldn't bring myself to present this letter to him. I've regretted it ever since."
• "Please... Take this letter, and do the deed I was too cowardly to do: take it to Bobbery."

Pokey

• "Go ahead... Touch usssssss... It won't hurrrrrrrrrrrrt....too muchhhhh..."
• "We warrrrrrrrrned you... It hurrrrrts to touch usssss... Hehhhh hehhhhh hehhhhhhh..."

Porter

• "This train is bound for luxurious Poshley Heights. Will you be boarding today?"
• "Wonderful. If you don't mind, please allow me to check your ticket..."
• "It will be just a little bit longer before our next scheduled departure, sir."

Prince Mush

• "Whoa... Is this... Am I back in the Glitz Pit?"
• "Let's make this a fight for the ages!"
• "OK, Mario! Let's show these people another great fight!"
• "Thank you for the match!"
• "I stand ready for a match with you, anytime. I'm not ready to surrender my title to you just yet!"
• "I'm ready and willing for a rematch anytime. And I intend to win it!"

Princess Peach

• "Finally! I have a minute without Toadsworth watching over me! He's so paranoid!"
• "I come all the way here on holiday...only to be stuck with Toadsworth! It's so stifling!"
• "Once in a while I'd like the chance to look around on my own and see what I want."
• "But...now that I'm doing it, all I see is that this town has a very...umm...distinct flavor..."
• "Do you mean...me?!?"
• "Oh! Well... Umm..."
• "Well, that's a pretty box! What's inside it?"
• "Ooooh..."
• "Um... All right... What's the harm?"
• "I'll try to open it."
• "I'm telling you, I don't know."
• "Mario!"
• "Oh no!"
• "Oh, dear... Here we go again..."
• "I can't believe I'm kidnapped again. Mario and Toadsworth must be worried sick. Again."
• "But...hang on a moment! Where in the world am I, anyway? It's so unfamiliar..."
• "I wish I could at least let Mario and Toadsworth know that I've been caught..."
• "What a lovely shower! No soap scum, even! Wow. I wonder if it works..."
• "Ahhhhhh! Hee hee!"
• "How refreshing! I feel like a new princess!"
• "Hmm? What was that? Hey! How odd... The doors opened by themselves."
• "Weird... It doesn't look like...anyone's around."
• "How do I keep making these doors open? How odd..."
• "Huh? What? Who said that? Where are you?"
• "Grodus... Wait, he's that awful dome-headed thing who interrogated me, right?"
• "Well, I don't think so. But I doubt I'll change your mind... So, I'm wondering... Why did you lead me in here?"
• "Wait... Did you just say... You want to observe me? ...To know more about me? Could it be that you..."
• "No! Impossible! It can't be! You're a computer..."
• "Oh, I couldn't, really... Because...it's just too weird."
• "Well, you know, maybe... Is it possible that, well...you're...in love...with me?"
• "Wait, you don't know what love is?"
• "Love... How do I explain? Love tells you when you want to be with a person forever. It makes you feel happy just to see that person happy, smiling...having fun."
• "When you love someone, you will do anything to help when he or she is in trouble."
• "Comprehend' love? Love's not something you comprehend, TEC. You feel it."
• "What? You're a computer! Why would you care about love?"
• "What, are you insane? You X–Jerks kidnapped me like common Koopas!"
• "And now you call me in here and ask me to teach you the meaning of love?"
• "I should spit on your screen! You'll grant my wishes? Ha! Why should I believe you?"
• "Are you sure? Well, OK... Here goes..."
• "Can I contact someone? The sooner, the better..."
• "You mean this keyboard? All right... Let me give this a shot."
• "OK, it's ready, TEC. Could you send it?"
• "Uh... OK then. Good night."
• "Oh, Mario... Did you even read the mail I sent you? I wonder..."
• "I wonder so many things... I wonder how everyone is doing at the castle..."
• "Will I never dance at the Mushroom Ball again?"
• "What will become of me?"
• "Hmm... Doesn't seem to open."
• "Oh! Is this TEC's doing again?"
• "That mail I sent to Mario... Did it reach him all right?"
• "Is that so? Well, good..."
• "So what do you want from me today? Is there more you want to know of love?"
• "Ex-CUSE me?!? Were you eavesdropping?"
• "Find out what caused it? There's no reason behind such a feeling, TEC."
• "Wanting to do something together... It's part of love. I know it."
• "But then again... You are...well...a computer."
• "Wait... Wait just a minute! What...am I supposed to do? You say you want to dance? It's just so...bizarre..."
• "I mean, how in the world can I dance with you? You have no arms. Or feet. Or moves."
• "Oh my goodness! Is that me? Did you create that? ...Oh, all right, I guess."
• "I must say, though, it's going to feel weird, dancing with myself..."
• "TEC? Are you OK?"
• "I'm finished, TEC. Could you send it?"
• "You're a weeeeird computer."
• "Hmm? Oh! Is this the uniform? Am I supposed to wear this ugly thing?"
• "I don't know about this...It's awfully tight. And it kind of smells a bit..."
• "Phew! Who knows how, but I got into it. I can barely breathe, though."
• "There are no clothes in here! Hm… Must be somewhere else."
• "TEC? Did you call me?"
• "What shall I do today? Will it be dancing, perhaps? Disguising? Or will I sing a song or something?"
• "Huh? What's wrong, TEC? You don't seem yourself..."
• "What do you mean?"
• "A quiz?"
• "What's with you all of a sudden, huh?"
• "TEC... Is this..."
• "TEC... You... Was it okay for you to tell me such things?"
• "Uh... OK. I'm done. Could you send it?"
• "Thank you... You're still a weird computer, TEC."
• "You inhuman beast! How could you?"
• "Where am I?"
• "MARIO!"
• "Mario... I'm so sorry. Sending you that map... caused all this trouble, didn't it..."
• "Mario..."
• "Mario... I..."
• "Mario... Take... Take the last of my power..."
• "Farewell... Mario... I believe... in you..."
• "Who knew all this would happen?"
• "I don't know how to thank you, but know that the entire world is in your debt!"
• "Yes... Toadsworth found a treasure map! And I'm sure it will lead to REAL treasure this time! I just know it!"
• "So, Mario! You'd love to look for treasure, isn't that right? The boat's waiting for you!"

Professor Frankly

• "Whuzzah??? Who's there? Who wants me?"
• "Ah. Yes. You. Now, you, uh..."
• "I've seen that face before... Yes, that face..."
• "Wait for it... Just a moment... Don't tell me, now! Silence! I'll get it right!"
• "Umm... It's not Goombriel..."
• "Err... It's not Elizagoom..."
• "Hrrrmmmm... Errrmmm... A-HAAA! I've got it!!!"
• "You're Goombella, aren't you? You were in my archaeology class last year, am I right?"
• "Of course I remember you. Not to toot my horn, but I'm pretty good at remembering."
• "You, though... You stick out in my mind because you were such an exceptional student."
• "And that guy behind you is... WHO?!?"
• "Oh! My apologies. I'm such a bookworm, I haven't a clue about what's 'hip' right now."
• "In any case, what sort of errand brings you two all the way to a place like this?"
• "Of course I know about it. The reason I came here was to study that very subject. But why do you tykes want to learn about the legendary treasure? You know that most say it's little more than a fairy tale, don't you?"
• "Good point! And well made! In that case, I'll cooperate with you however I can."
• "First of all, about the treasure... There are many mysteries surrounding it. Some say it's an infinitely vast treasure hoard, while others say it's a magical item. Some books say it's actually a monster, while still others claim it's an empty chest... So many different theories... Obviously, it's impossible to divine the truth among them."
• "...But all agree on one point: to find the treasure, one must have the Crystal Stars!"
• "Indeed, the same. As the saying goes, if you want to find the legendary treasure... You first must collect the seven Crystal Stars."
• "Correct! And the Thousand-Year Door is supposedly here, deep beneath this town."
• "Yet the critical piece of the puzzle--the Magical Map--is lost. If only we had that map!"
• "WHAAAT??? Hummina hubbity hubbida hippity hoobida hammala huffala hoofala... REALLY?"
• "You... You actually have it? Could I...just take a quick look at it, if you don't mind?"
• "Astounding! This is it! The real thing! The one and only Magical Map!"
• "You, son, are my HERO! You're great! Fantastic! WONDERFUL, even!"
• "With this... We can find the Crystal Stars just by holding this aloft before the legendary door!"
• "Good golly, what are we doing just sitting here, then?!? Goombella! Mario! Off we must go, this instant! Let's take the Magical map to the legendary door!"
• "I bet you didn't know this rotten old thing came off, did you? Heh heh!"
• "We can use this pipe to get down under the city streets! Come on! Both of you! Let's get moving!"
• "Oh, wait, hang on a second... Mario! Something just occurred to me."
• "I'm fairly certain there are quite a few hoodlums below. So, uh...keep your guard up."
• "You two do know about your Action Commands, don't you?"
• "Really? A master, are you? Maybe you ought to practice them once, just to be safe?"
• "A bold young lad, aren't you! Very well, then! Down we go!"
• "Just stand on the pipe and tilt Down to enter it."
• "A Goomba, a Spiny Goomba, and a Paragoomba! My! The whole Goomba family tree!"
• "The only one I should warn you about is that fellow in the middle: the Spiny Goomba. See that spike on his head? Well, jump on that and you're the one who'll take damage!"
• "The Paragoomba's airborne, so your hammer won't reach. You'll have to jump for him."
• "Always take your opponent's situation into consideration when fighting! Always!"
• "...Oh! That's right! I forgot to tell you something vital!"
• "You can press to change the order you two attack in! You can attack first if you feel like it, Goombella. Don't forget that!"
• "Are you ready, Mario? There are plenty more where they came from, and they'll all have it in for us."
• "When they attack, try to hammer them or jump on them while in the field..."
• "Attack successfully and you can perform a First Strike when you enter battle."
• "So if an enemy catches sight of you, be sure to thump them as you go into battle."
• "Er, Mario... A word with you? I'm not exactly confident we can trust this...box."
• "I think it may be best not to mention we're looking for the Crystal Stars. ...Well, drat. I just said it out loud! What's wrong with me?"
• "Oh! Mario! Goombella! Look...at...THAT!"
• "It's the Thousand-Year Door spoken of in the legends! I can't believe it's real!"
• "So the legends are all true! There it is, big as life! Come! Let's move closer!"
• "Hrmmm... It appears that information related to the locations of the Crystal Stars appeared..."
• "And that shining light... It looked as if a mysterious power was given to Mario..."
• "Well... One way or another... We should return to my place and study the map closely."
• "Hrmmm... Aha! I see!"
• "My dear, of course I do! Firstly, about that light we saw shining on Mario... By my reckoning, Mario can now perform what is known as a special move."
• "Yes, it... Well... Stuff like this is better explained by example rather than words. Would you like to try it out?"
• "This is VERY important. You'd better listen. I mean it. Are you ready to listen?"
• "Hmm... You're absolutely sure? Well, all right, then."
• "Let's have at look at that Magical Map and see what we can learn about the... WOW! ASTOUNDING! This map has radar-like functions! It now shows the location of a Crystal Star!"
• "It looks like the first Crystal Star is to be found in a place called the Petal Meadows."
• "Yes. The area is a vast meadow that lies far to the east of Rogueport. To tell you the truth... I've always thought that place was a tad suspicious. The name Petal Meadows did come up from time to time in my research."
• "I'm fairly certain that somewhere beneath the city is a pipe to Petal Meadows. If you could just find that, you'd get there instantly. Pipe travel's efficient."
• "Say, by the way, Mario... I'm curious. Where did you get that map, anyway?"
• "From Princess Peach? Really? Her Highness sent this to you, Mario?"
• "So it IS her! Your princess came to see me the other day. She wanted to learn about the treasure..."
• "I told her about the Crystal Stars and my suspicions about Petal Meadows... It doesn't seem likely, but perhaps she tried to go to Petal Meadows on her own..."
• "Hrmm... But I can't imagine Princess Peach getting involved with THEM..."
• "All right! It's settled! Off to Petal Meadows you two go! If Princess Peach indeed went there, your first priority must be to catch up to her. Collecting the Crystal Stars is a means to an end...and that end is Princess Peach!"
• "No, I'll stay in town and ask around about Princess Peach and that suspicious gang."
• "Besides, I doubt a shriveled old Goomba like me could handle the trials of the road."
• "Of course, if anything happens and you need some advice, come see me, OK?"
• "Wait just a moment!"
• "Mario, it's scary out there. Take this with you. It's called a badge, and it is incredibly helpful."
• "You see, depending on the badges you have equipped, you'll get much more powerful."
• "What's important is knowing what the effects will be when you first equip a badge."
• "Would you like you like to practice equipping and removing badges?"
• "Are you absolutely sure? This is the last time I'll ask. Do you want to practice?"
• "By the way, you need Flower Points (FP) to use the Power Smash move. In battle, you should watch not only your HP, but FP, too. Did you get all that?"
• "Well, here's hoping you find that pipe to Petal Meadows."
• "Hrmm... Mmmm HRRRRMMMM... I see. I see. Crystal clear!"
• "It's in the Boggly Woods. The second Crystal Star is inside a great tree there."
• "About those woods... I think...some odd creatures live there."
• "If memory serves, there's a pipe beneath town that leads to those woods."
• "Uh-oh. If Princess Peach's kidnappers are also looking for the Crystal Stars..."
• "What could they hope to achieve? Could the treasure be... Ugh! Too many unknowns!"
• "Unfortunately, the only clues we can rely on are the Crystal Stars and that map."
• "Yes, I recommend you do just that. And find it before the princess's captors do! But don't be hasty! If you're low on items or health, drop by the shop and inn first."
• "I'll keep researching to learn more about the Crystal Stars and the ancient treasure."
• "I must research this more. Assuming will just make an... Well, you know the saying."

Puni elder

• "Punio! Is that you? You're looking well."
• "Oh, a rescuing, is it? Well, thanks, I suppose. Those are quite exciting."
• "But...I think you ought to help the other Punies before you rescue me."
• "FOOLISH CHILD!"
• "Punio! Sit down this instant and keep your mouth shut!"
• "Stop your mumbling, you! And mind your elders! You whelp!"
• "How could you abandon your poor sister and run off like that... Absolutely shameful!"
• "Oh, stop with the whining! You never interrupt an elder mid-lecture! NEVER! You wonder why the other Punies call you a "doofus" sometimes? That's why. And your time to be a doofus is over, because you have to lead our Puni tribe one day! That day is not far off! ...And THAT is why you need to listen! Now, first of all..."
• "...or else! you got that? From now on, you've got to get your act together, Punio!"
• "Bah! Only answer ONCE!"
• "...But say, by the way, why are you here, anyway?"
• "Oh, is that so? Well, good! In that case, get me out of here already! Criminy!"
• "This cell is cold, which isn't good for the old back, and there's this damp stench..."
• "You stubborn MULE!"
• "Deplorable! How DARE you talk like that, knowing what we're up against?!? We must stand together now! We must take back our tree! Don't you understand that?"
• "Shut your trap, Puniper! And mind me, you hear! You'll help Mustachio here..."
• "What'd you say your name was again? It was, er... It was Marty, wasn't it?"
• "Yes, Yes, simmer down, you. And everyone else, help Marty-o clear out our tree!"
• "There you go, my Punies! That's the spirit!"
• "The Crystal Star, eh? Hrrrrrmmmmmmm... Yes, perhaps..."
• "Hidden down, down, down at the bottom of this tree is a funny-colored stone. But what do we do with it? Oh, right: 'Guard it from evil and give it to a pure heart... That's what generations of elders have been taught Might be the Crystal Star..."
• "Marty! Or...Marty-o! I'm thinking you better get it before those goons do."
• "I don't see quite how just yet, but I bet it's connected to us getting our tree back."
• "You got all that, Marty-o? Crystal Star. Bottom part of the tree. Go to it."
• "Oh! Hold your horses! I forgot something!"
• "Before you can get the Crystal Star, you must save all of the captured Punies. Yup, you'll never get to that gem without the help of the Punies. Not a chance."
• "So here, you'd better take this. It's the Puni Orb. It's the symbol of our leader."
• "If you place this in the pedestals you see around the tree, the punies will gather. Just remember to take the orb with you when you're done using it. Because. well, if you don't, everyone'll just kind of hang out and stare at the orb."
• "Oh, and one more thing... So sorry! So sorry! I've been awfully forgetful as of late. Now then, where was I? Oh right! On your way to the Crystal Star... If you lose any of the Punies and have a hard time finding them, just come see me. What I'll do is, I'll give a whistle to call 'em back here. you got all that?"
• "Hey! What's the matter?"
• "Well! I'm shocked! Who makes fun of a old woman like that! Honestly! Why, if I were just ten years younger, I'd show you! Oh, you'd best believe it! I'll have you know that in my younger days, I was considered a Puni prize! I had so many suitors, I had to fight them off! Eeeh hee hee hee hee hee! Now that I think about it there was a particulary fine boy named Punderton..."
• "...And that's how I became the Puni elder, the leader of the Puni tribe."
• "Now you know my tale, and I know yours, so good luck to you!"
• "You won't be going any farther this-a-way!"
• "WHAT?!?"
• "Did you just call me an 'Old geezer'?!? Where do you get off, talking like that? You have no respect, brat! Don't think my age has anything to do with my might! Even if it kills me, I won't let you through! I'm ready! ELDER POWER ACTIVATE!"
• "Oh! Ooh! What the...OUCH! ...Can't take another step... Oooooooog..."
• "Ooh! What a time for my stupid back to start acting up!"
• "Oh, that little Punio!!! He's always, ALWAYS so darned squishy–washy!"
• "BEGONE!"
• "You're one of them, aren't you? One of the evildoers! You want our Crystal Star!"
• "How RUDE!"
• "'Ugly thing'? How DARE you, you wretched crone? I am the great Puni elder!"
• "Hmph! 'Hag-thing'? Honestly! In any case, you're too late! The Crystal Star is gone!"
• "That's right, you rude thing! We gave it to a mustachioed man named Marty-o! He said he was collecting the legendary treasures to rescue some princess... What did he call her? Princess Pinch? Yep! He was off to save that lucky lass!"
• "What in the world... What's THAT doing here? This is very mysterious... Yes, a mystery that..."

Punio

• "Eeeeeeeeeeeeek!!! D-Don't eat me!!!"
• "Huh? Uh... You didn't come to eat me? And you're not bullies?"
• "Noooooooo! Leave me alone, you big meanies!"
• "For real? Phew! Boy, that's good. I thought for a second I might have an accident."
• "Wh-What?!? Why do you know about me?"
• "NOOO! Y-You must be... You guys are working for those X-Nauts, aren't you?!? You chased me here! Noooooo! It's the end!!!"
• "Well...OK. This gang of bad guys who call themselves X-Nauts came to where I live. They came inside our Great Tree and started tearing it apart and causing trouble. So...I've come all the way here looking for help."
• "Now that you mention it, they did say something about some Crystal Star thingy... But we Punies don't know anything about any crystals or stars..."
• "Say, could you guys help us out? Maybe chase them off? If you do, we'll give you, uh... What was it? The Crystal Star? If you do, we'll have the Puni elder give you that! I don't know what it is, but if it'll help us reclaim our tree, I'm sure the elder will agree!"
• "So what do you say? Let's not waste any more time. I'm begging you!"
• "Really?!? You aren't joking?!? You'll do it?!?"
• "Oh, thank you so much! This is great! I'm so happy!"
• "My name is Punio. Pleased to meet you!"
• "I'll take you to where I live. Follow me, OK?"
• "It's this way."
• "Wait, hang on a second."
• "I'm sure the Puni elder said some button around here opened the secret entrance... AH-HA!"
• "You can get to the woods we Punies live in by going through that pipe there. OK! Hurry! Hurry!"
• "Um, OK, just a bit further and we should be able to see the Great Tree. The elder and her friends are waiting for us there. Oh, and my little sister, too! Come on, let's go!"
• "...Uh... Excuse me!"
• "Ummm... Maybe she isn't here. I wonder if she went for a walk in the woods."
• "Madame Flurrie! Hellooooo? If you're here, say something!"
• "Uh...Madame Flurrie? Are you there? Is that you? ...What are you doing?"
• "Uh, well, the thing is... We have a problem that only you can help us with, ma'am."
• "The Great Tree's entry hole is blocked. There's this stupid door we can't seem to open."
• "My Puni friends are inside, so they're in a pickle, and Mario needs these Crystal Stars..."
• "It's a train wreck, really. If you can't find the secret entrance for us, we're done."
• "Don't worry, Madame Flurrie! I'm sure Mario can find your necklace. Word is, he's super!"
• "You can do it, right, Mario?"
• "Great! It's decided then! Let's go find it!"
• "Huh? Did you say "nah"? Uh... What's wrong with you?"
• "Let's go find her necklace!
• "That's Flurrie's necklace! Yes! Let's take it to her!"
• "This is wonderful! It's so nice that Flurrie likes you, Mario. Really, it's great!"
• "And even more importantly, Flurrie's chosen to join us! Let's go to the Great Tree!"
• "More nagging by the old hag... When will it ever stop?"
• "D-Don't worry, Petuni! Your big brother is here! We'll…gulp…get through this!"

Puniper

• "WAIT!"
• "How do we really know this burly fellow is our ally? He might be one of them!"
• "Hah! Big, bad Punio... Listen to yourself! Trying to sound all important-like!"
• "You have no idea the kind of troubles we've been through while you were gone!"
• "Well they've been captured... by those goons!"
• "The elder... Everybody... Including... Your sister!"
• "Oh, it's so, all right She was taken off somewhere with the rest of them!"
• "They said it was because we wouldn't tell them where to find some crystal thing."
• "We told them we never heard of it."
• "What are you saying, Punio? We can't do anything to those giant goons!"
• "Besides, they aren't alone. The Cursed Jabbi Tribe is in league with them."
• "They're hoping to make this tree their own once we've all been driven from it."
• "This is it for us. The end! And adding this hairy old man to our ranks won't help a bit!"
• "Hah! Punio, Punio, Punio... You'll have to convince me, because I think you're nuts."
• "Tell you what: You and Mr. Mustache there can get the revolution started!"
• "If you can free our friends who got locked up somewhere in the tree... then I'll join your little crusade. Hah! Like that'll ever happen! Please!"
• "Well, if it isn't Punio..."
• "Hmph! You heard me! Hmph! I can't say I expected you to manage to rescue the elder..."
• "Don't get a swelled head! This doesn't mean I'll accept you as our leader..."
• "And it definitly doesn't mean I completely trust that mustached guy, either."
• "For starters, you still haven't rescued the other Punies yet."
• "I'm not lifting an antenna to help until you do."
• "But... But, Elder..."
• "Oh, all right, Elder.. Whatever you say."
• "I'm not heartless or anything. To tell you the truth, I'm worried about Petuni, too."
• "And you're right, we have no choice. We must fight! Right, everybody?"
• "Yuh-Yuh-Yuh-Yuh-Yikes… This…guys…is…big…and bad! He's large and in charge!"

Rawk Hawk

• "That's right! Unh! I think it's about time for you to FEEL THE RAAAAAWK!"
• "Stay down, pincushion! You don't want more of this! Why'd you even show up? Yeah, you hear me talking, Wimpy! Stay outta the ring, or feel the burn, baby! Tell you what: do about a million push-ups and then come see Uncle Rawk Hawk! I'll give you another world-class spanking and send you crying home to Momma again!"
• "You call that a match? Ain't there a fighter out there who can challenge me? No! No one can! Hear me? Ain't a fighter out there that can even make me sweat! They're all a bunch of little crybabies, running around in stinky diapers! You got a bone to pick?!? Come fight me! Bring it! I'll take on anyone! You weaklings might as well stick to video-game fighting, OK? 'Cause I'll hurt you. YEAH! NUMBER ONE, BABY!!! RAWK HAWK IS THE CHAMP! Harharharharharharharharharharhar!"
• "Studly guy, coming through! Listen up, losers! I've been hearing about some rising star tearing up the league..."
• "It's you, isn't it! Yeah! You fit the bill, skinny! A mustache named Gonzales! Man, I came all the way over here for YOU?!? Harharhar! What a waste of time!"
• "What in the... Hey! You! Get too close to the Hawk and you might get RAWKED!"
• "Hey, you think you can just smack-talk the Rawk Hawk? I DON'T THINK SO!"
• "You got some guts, calling my belt a fake, you shrimpy, no-belt- having wimps! Didn't your momma teach you any manners?!?"
• "Stop making fun of me, punk! You're alive ONLY 'cause we ain't in the ring right now! If I see you under those lights, I'll tear you apart! Remember the RAWWWWWWK!"
• "Har har har har har!"
• "Feel the RAAAAAWWWK..."
• "Hey, it doesn't matter how many times you try, I can rawk all day!"
• "Harharhar! Is that the best you've got?!"
• "Rawk out, Great Gonzales!!! RAAAAAAAAAAAAWK! Listen to me, Gonzales! Anybody who's beat me is not ALLOWED to lose!!!"
• "That's all ancient history! There's only one true champ, and that guy is Rawk Hawk!"
• "One of us is walking out of here with the belt, and the other one's getting RAWKED!"
• "Hey, shut your trap or this Gonzales won't be the only one feeling the RAAAAWK!"
• "I'm the champ, end of story! I'm a legend! And this legend is about to RAWK that dude!"
• "Harharharharharhar! Time for you to meet the new, improved Rawk Hawk!"
• "Feel the horror of a world–class RAAAAAWWWKING!"
• "No! I don't believe this! I... Am I actually gonna get Rawked AGAIN?"
• "Remember: When life rocks you, RAWK back!"
• "You little punk-weasel! You forgot these muscles? You forgot this hugeness?" (Breaking the fourth wall)
• "Well, tell me something: you ever see a weakling... DO THIS?!? ...Pain."

Red Bones

• "Blaarf harf harf HARF!"
• "You clearly don't value your lives much if you've come to this castle to disturb us."
• "You will go no farther, and from this moment on... You'll be nothing but bones!"

Riverside Station Toad worker

• "Could you go down to the control room in the station and flip the bridge switch?"
  • (No, sorry.)
  • "Oh… Well, now what are we going to do…"