List of The Super Mario Bros. Movie quotes

This is a list of quotes from The Super Mario Bros. Movie. They are listed in chronological order by character, followed by dialogue of multiple characters.

Individual characters

Mario

• "Wow! You were great!" - After watching the Super Mario Bros. Plumbing commercial
• "I am so glad we spent our life savings on this commercial!"
• "What about the accent? Is it... is it too much?" (After response from Giuseppe) "Okay, I'm gonna trust you!"
• "No, we're not! C'mon! Let's go!"
• "This way!"
• "Come on, Lu! Step on it!"
• "Come on, Luigi! Pump those legs!"
• "Very confident, sir."- When asked if the brothers can fix the BrKLnCouple's faucet
• "And our first job complete." (with Luigi) "Ey!" - After completing their first job
• "Mamma mia!" - Recurring catchphrase
• "Uh, who's a good puppy?"
• "Who's a good boy?"
• "Found the problem."
• "They're not even looking in the right place. C'mon, Lu."
• "We got to get to the pressure valve."
• "Come on, Lu. Let's go home. Hey, maybe there's still some dessert left over. If we're lucky, Uncle Tony didn't hammer all the cannolis." (deleted)
• "Whoa! What is this place?"
• "Looks like nobody's been down here for years."
• "Luigi, are you in there?"
• "LUIGI!!"
• "Mushroom Kingdom, here we come!" (teaser only)
• "Here you go." - Giving a Toad a fallen Coin
• "Whoa! Okay, so these bricks are just floatin' here?"
• "Oh, wow! Love these pipes- (screams)" - Mario before being sucked into a Clear Pipe
• "Ah, come on!" - Mario getting stuck in a pipe maze
• "Yes!" - Mario before falling down a Donut Block
• "But are we?" - Response to Toad claiming that they are best friends
• "AH! Get it off, get it off, get it off!" - Reaction to a Cheep Cheep getting stuck to his face (deleted, appears in trailer)
• "I'm not afraid. I'll do anything for my brother." (deleted, appears in final trailer)
• "You know, when we're done with all this, I thought... I thought maybe you could come visit Brooklyn. I can show you around." (deleted)
• "How are you doing?"
• "That gorilla's wearing a sports coat."
• "Alright..." - Spoken before the duel with Donkey Kong
• "You're about to pick on someone your own size!" - Before eating a blue mushroom in the duel with Donkey Kong
• "Not... even... close." - After Donkey Kong asks him if he has had enough
• "It's-a me!"
• "Aw, what? I'm a cat?!" - Mario after transforming into Cat Mario
• "Huh. I'm a cat!" - Mario after dodging Donkey Kong's punch
• "Meeeow."
• "Had enough?"
• "I'd take that as a yes."
• "Let's drive!"
• "Wahoo!"
• "SPLIT UP!"
• "My fault?! You're the one who..."
• "Did you just feel something?"
• "They gotta be up there!"
• "You wanna do this?"
• "Hey. What does this do?" - After getting the Tanooki Suit
• "I told you! See? As long as we're together... everything is gonna be okay!" - To Luigi after rescuing him
• "Hey! Hey, over here!" - Trying to get the attention of the Bomber Bill
• "You asked for it!"
• "Follow me!" - Trying to lure the Bomber Bill to the Warp Pipe
• "Come on…"
• "A little closer…"
• "Brooklyn?"
• "Let's-a go." - Preparing to take down Bowser
• "Lu." - After Luigi saves him
• "Thanks, Dad." - When his father says he is proud of him

Princess Peach

• "If you can finish this, you're coming with me. Watch and learn."
• "They're all counting on us. No pressure."
• "My Toads! Our days of terror are almost over! With the help of the Kong army, we will stop---" - Giving a speech to the Toads before getting interrupted
• "He's not important!" - When a Toad asks who Mario is
• "Pretty incredible, huh?"
• "There's a huge universe out there... with a lot of galaxies."
• "We are here to see the king."
• "Get up, Mario!"
• "Mario! THE BOX!"
• "(giggles) He really does." - Agreeing with Toad that Cat Mario looks adorable
• "To the Mushroom Kingdom, and the biggest fight of our lives! Here... we... go!"
• "It's an ambush!"
• "Mario...?!"
• "NO! No, Mario!" - Believing Mario was killed by the Koopa General's attack
• "We have to get home!"
• "Bowser's on his way! You have to evacuate!"
• "Hurry! Get out of the city!"
• "Mario! The Star!!"

Luigi

• "'I was great'? Are you kidding me?! YOU were great!" - Complimenting Mario about the Super Mario Bros. Plumbing commercial
• "That is not a commercial. That is cinema!"
• "Hello, Super Mario Brothers!" - Answering a phone call
• "Uh-huh... A drip in your faucet? That's great! I mean, that's- That's great you called us, because we can be there and we can fix it right away. Okay."
• "Mario, we got one! The Super Mario Brothers are in business!" - After their first official call
• "Oh no! We're gonna be late!" - Reaction when the van fails to start
• "We have hit the big time!"
• "Ma'am, I assure you: we don't make messes. We fix them!"
• "Francis is here..."
• "The hellhound is gonna escape!!"
• "Uhm, Mario?"
• "You are not seriously considering--"
• "Mario-...oh!" - As Mario jumps inside the manhole
• "I knew saving Brooklyn was a bad idea."
• "Mario, what are you talking about?!" (deleted)
• "Mario, where are you? Huh?"
• "Haha! YES! You just got a-Luigi'd!"
• "MARIO?!?" - Overjoyed after Mario saves his life
• "Mario, why do you look like a bear? What is this?"
• "Nothing can hurt us as long as we're together." - As he saves Mario from Bowser's fire breath
• "Oh, hey, Spike."
• "Thank you for calling Super Mario Brothers Plumbing! It's-a me, Luigi! Ah, if you need service, please-uh text us the same number you just called! 929-55-MARIO! That's 929-556-2746! Message us about any issues wherever you live! House, condo... mansion? And we'll be sure to text you back right away, because at Super Mario Brothers Plumbing, we don't say, 'Let's-a wait!'; we say, 'Let's-a go!' Oh, and uh, check out our website smbplumbing.com! We're still working on it, so.... more updates to come. Buh-bye!" - Super Mario Bros. Plumbing voicemail

Bowser

• "Open the gates! ...Or die."
• "I do not." - Refusing to yield to the Penguin King
• "I've finally found it. Now who's gonna stop me!?!" (Teaser only, early variant of below quote)
• "I've finally found it. And now NO ONE can stop me!!!"
• "I am SO stoked right now!" (deleted, appears in TV spot)
• "It is time to ROCK!!" (TV spot only, early variant of a quote in "Dialogue" section)
• "Goodbye, Mario." - After Mario falls off Rainbow Road
• "Let's end this." (deleted, appears in final trailer)
• "I will be sacrificing them in your honor." - To Peach about his prisoners
• "Lower the prisoners!"
• "LAUNCH THE BOMBER BILL AND DESTROY THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM!!"
• "MARIO!!!"
• "You want this?!"
• "YOU RUINED MY WEDDING! I WAS FINALLY GONNA BE HAPPY! NOW YOU WILL SUFFER — LIKE ME!!!!"
• "You really thought you could stop ME?! YOU WORTHLESS, WEAK LITTLE NOTHING! COME OUT AND FIGHT! Or are you too SCARED?! ...Just what I thought."
• "NO! THAT'S MINE!!"
• "RIP THEM TO PIECES!"

Toad

• "And does he also have a breathtaking mustache?" (deleted, appears in TV spots)
• "I hope you told your brother how much you loved him, because you're probably never gonna see him again." (deleted, appears in TV spots)
• "Was that too dark?" (after response from Mario) "Sorry." (deleted, appears in TV spots)
• "This way, Mario! The princess is right up that hill!"
• "Excuse me, everybody, coming through. Got a big adventure happening right now. Just clear a path for us."
• "Excuse me, everybody, coming through! This guy's brother is going to die imminently! Out of the way, please!"
• "Just trying to clear a path. That's all I'm doing. He's gonna be fine."
• "Chanterelle!" (After response from Chanterelle) "Nice to see you, bud."
• "And up we go."
• "Just pop in this pipe and we're on our way."
• "It's the only way to fly, man."
• "Here we are. Palace doors. Bing bang boom."
• "Pretty impressive, am I right?" - To Mario about Peach's castle
• "We're going on an adventure!"
• "Come on, guys! Da-da-da-di-di-d-da-da!" - To Mario and Peach while scatting
• "Hey, Mario!"
• "We're best friends!"
• "Don't worry. I. WILL. Protect you."
• "I fear nothing."
• "Yeah, we're going on an adventure! Woooh!" - Happy to join Mario and Peach
• "Whaaaaaaat?" - Toad's response after being startled by a Kong
• "Feel underdressed?"
• "WOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!!!" - Toad's excitement while riding in a Kong's kart
• "Yeah! WHOO!!!"
• "Oh my- I- Okay." - Toad's reaction to seeing Donkey Kong beat Mario up at a duel
• "He looks adorable!" - Toad's reaction to Cat Mario
• "Yes! That's my best friend!" - Rejoicing after Cat Mario defeats Donkey Kong
• "I'M TOO CUTE TO DIE!!!" - After his kart gets destroyed on Rainbow Road
• "That is how you princess!" - Toad after Peach saves him

Donkey Kong

• "I don't need anything special to break EVERY BONE in your tiny body!"
• "IS THIS WHAT YOU CAME FOR?!"
• "Hi, Dad! Love you!"
• "It is on... like Donkey Kong!"
• "Had enough?"
• "HA! You got the cat box! Oh my- I'm sorry."
• "Okay. Now you die."
• "Not… even… close…"
• "I hate you."
• "See ya!" - To the Koopa General
• "Hey! It's all your fault!"
• "Stop talking! I don't want the last thing I hear, before I die, to be your..." - Just before falling into the ocean
• "Now we're even!" - After he and Mario escape the Maw-Ray
• "Yes I do!" - After Mario's response of teaming up together
• "Yes! Fire!"
• "This is fun!"
• "HA! Loser!" - Poking fun at Mario after he loses his Super form.
• "Cool raccoon suit!" (After response from Mario) "Not at all."
• "No time now. Definitely later!" - After Cranky Kong encourages him to do his pec dance
• "Aww, bring it in!" - As he piles Mario, Luigi, their parents, Peach, and Toad for a hug

Kamek

• "Behold, the King of the Koopas!" - The first line of the film, announcing Bowser's arrival

Cranky Kong

• "Now... Since I want the fight to last more than 5 seconds, I put power-ups around the arena. You're welcome, Mario."
• "Guess you're not getting my army!"
• "I guess he got the wrong mushroom."
• "Well, what are you waiting for? Pick your karts!"
• "Defensive position!"
• "No! NO!" - Believing Donkey Kong to be dead after he was sent plummeting off of Rainbow Road.
• "Get your clown claws off of us!" - When the Koopa Clown Cars capture him and his army.
• "Oh, no, no, no..." - When Kamek announces the prisoners will be sacrificed.
• "You did good, kid. Make your pecs dance. You deserve it!"

Spike

• "Mario?! You almost dented my-"
• "Luigi?!"
• "Let's hear it for the Super Mario Brothers!"

Penguin King

• "Attack!"
• "That is but a taste of our fury. Do you yield?"

Lumalee

• "Life is sad. Prison is sad. Life in prison is very, very sad." - Singing in his prison cell
• "Wheee! Ha ha ha ha ha!" - While the cages lower into the lava
• "Boooooo." - When set free from his cage
• "Now that's a happy ending. Or is it? Because everything's over now, and all that's left is you and the infinite void. Kinda makes you wanna play saxophone, huh?" - At the end of the movie, leading into the credits

Toads

• "Morning!"
• "Does this thing work?" - A yellow Toad asking an antique store clerk about an NES cartridge
• "Yes, works great. You just have to blow into it."
• "Hey, Intruder! Stop him!" - A Toad guard after Mario is spotted
• "Uh, who's he?"
• "Just leave it! There's no time!" - When a Toad drops a Coin while evacuating the city

Koopa Troopas

• "Attack!"
• "FIRE!"

Koopa General

• "Mario! You're a dead man!"
• "Time to die, Mario!"
• "You... can't escape ME! BLUE SHELL!!"

Driver

• "Follow me."
• "Hop in."

Pauline

• "Everything's under control, I promise you. We are very close to fixing this."

Giuseppe

• "Too much? It's-a perfect! Wahoo!" - Giuseppe reassuring Mario about the accent used in the commercial

Mario and Luigi's father

• "Mamma mia!"
• "WAHOO! Mario! You were amazing!"
• "These are my boys!!"

Dialogue

The Super Mario Bros. Plumbing commercial

Mario: "It's-a me, a-Mario!"
Luigi: "And-a Luigi!"
Mario: "Are you tired of-a paying too much for plumbing?"
Both: "Mamma mia!"
Mario: "That's-a why the Super Mario Brothers are here! To-a save Brooklyn!"
Luigi: "And-a Queens!"
Mario: "And-a your wallet!"
Unnamed woman: "Thank you, Super Mario Bros.! It seems like the only thing you haven't drained is my bank account..."
Mario: "Forget-a the expensive plumbing companies where you're-a just a face. For the Super Mario Brothers, you're-a family!"

Spike harassing the Mario Brothers

Spike: "Well, well, well. If it isn't Brooklyn's favorite failures, the Stupid Mario Brothers!"
Luigi: (as he and Mario indignantly walk over to Spike) "Oh great... Spike's here."
Mario: "Hey, Spike."
Spike: "Yeah," (in a comically high-pitched voice) "it's-a me!" (cackles) "Tell me: have you even gotten one call since you left me to start your dumb company?"
Luigi: "As a matter of fact, Spike, we have."
Mario: "Wow! Really?"
Luigi: "Yeah! Our mom called! She said, 'Aw, boys, that's the best commercial I've ever seen!' And I said, 'Thank you very much, mother! We're very proud of it!' So BOOM!" (accidentally drops his phone as Mario looks embarrassed)
Spike: (laughs) "Good luck running a business with this idiot." (throws a napkin at Luigi, which Mario catches)
Mario: "Say that again about my brother, and you're gonna regret it." (tosses the napkin back at Spike)
Spike: (gets up and grabs Mario by the overalls) "Oh yeah? Get this through your tiny brain, Mario! You're a joke — and you always will be."
(leaves while chuckling)
Luigi: "Are you insane?! He's three times your size!"
Mario: "Luigi, c'mon... y'know, you can't be scared all the time."
Luigi: "Mmm, you'd be surprised..."

The Mario family at the dinner table

Uncle Tony: "Oh, it's the Super Mario Brothers from the TV!"
(Uncle Tony, Uncle Arthur and Mario and Luigi's grandfather laugh)
Uncle Arthur: "They give an Oscar for worst actors?"'
Aunt Marie: "Hey!" (smacks Uncle Arthur in the head)
Uncle Arthur: "What'd I do?!"
Mario: (chuckles) "So, uh... So everyone saw the commercial then?"
Uncle Tony: "Uh-huh. We've seen it."
Mario: "Aaand?"
Uncle Arthur: "You shouldn't quit your day job."
Uncle Tony: "Oops, you already did!"
(Uncle Tony, Uncle Arthur and Mario and Luigi's grandfather laugh again)
Mario's mother: "Well, I thought it was incredible. It belongs in a movie theater!"
(Mario's father puts spaghetti with mushrooms onto Mario's plate.)
Mario: "Ugh! Mushrooms?!"
Mario's father: "Everybody loves mushrooms, right?"
Luigi: "I love mushrooms. I'll take it!"
Uncle Tony: "Mario, seriously: What were you thinkin' with that commercial?"
Mario: (as he places mushrooms on Luigi's plate) "What? It's supposed to be funny."
Luigi: "Can someone pass the bread?"
Uncle Tony: "Yeah, but... What's with the outfits? Plumbers wearin' white gloves?"
Mario: "That's right. You gotta have a trademark. Gotta stand out."
Mario's mother: "Don't listen to them. The world laughed at Da Vinci, too."
Luigi: "Mm, I'm not sure they did, Ma."
Mario: "Dad, what did you think?"
Mario's father: "I think you're nuts. You don't leave a steady job for some crazy dream. And the worst part? You're bringing your brother down with you."
Mario: (grimly) "Well, thanks, Dad." (leaves the dinner table) "Thanks for your 'support'..." (everyone at the table stares at Mario's father in disapproval)
Mario's father: "What'd I say??"

Luigi comforting Mario

Luigi: "Aw, you're not bringing me down. Y'know what? What do they know, huh?"
Mario: "It's not just them. Our whole lives, everyone's been telling us, 'You can't do this', 'You can't do that'. I'm sick and tired of feelin' so small..."

Mario and Luigi after seeing the news channel

Mario: "'Save Brooklyn'? Luigi, this is our chance! Destiny is calling!"
Luigi: "Destiny Del Vecchio from high school?"
Mario: "What? No! Ugh, c'mon!"

Mario and Luigi moments before they get separated

Mario: "Gimme your hand! It's all gonna be okay!"
Luigi: "HOW IS THIS GONNA BE OKAY?!?"
Mario: "I'm telling you! Nothing can hurt us as long as we're together!"
(Luigi smiles, but right then, he is sucked in a dark pipe, separating the two.)
Luigi: "MARIO!!"
Mario: "LUIGI!!"

Mario in the Mushroom Kingdom

(Mario stares in awe at the Mushroom Forest. He then approaches a blue mushroom, only for Toad to suddenly pop up, causing Mario to scream and stumble back.)
Toad: "DO NOT TOUCH THAT MUSHROOM! YOU'LL DIIEEEE!! ...Oh. I'm sorry. That one's perfectly fine."
Mario: "It's a little mushroom man! A little mushroom man talking to me!"
Toad: "Pleased to meet ya. I'm Toad!" (walks off)
Mario: "Uh... Mario." (Biddybuds come waddling out. Mario then follows Toad)
Mario: "So this is- this is not a dream?"
Toad: (whacks Mario with his walking stick) "That hurt, right?"
Mario: "YES!"
Toad: "Definitely not a dream."
Mario: "And this- this place is...?"
Toad: "The Mushroom Kingdom!"
Mario: "Mushrooms... really? Now that is a cruel twist of fate." (Suddenly, he hears something. He turns around and spots a Bramball stooping over his head.) "...Hello." (The Bramball continues walking.) "Yeah, I'm actually looking for somebody — my brother, in fact. He looks exactly like me, but tall, and skinny, and green. See, last time I saw him, he was falling through a pipe. It was foggy and I believe there was lava."
Toad: (gasps) "Uh, that... is not good. Umm... Your brother has landed in the Dark Lands. They're under Bowser's control."
Mario: "Bowser?"
Toad: "He's the most evil, wretched creature alive. I'm taking you to see the princess. She can help. She can do anything!"
Mario: "Princess?" (sees Peach's castle on a hill) "Whoa!"
Toad: (runs off) "Come on, Mario! Our big adventure begins now!"
Mario: "Hang on, Luigi." (follows Toad)

Mario asking two Toad guards for Princess Peach

Blue Toad guard: "Hold it right there, you two!"
Mario: "Oh, hey. I need to see the princess! It's an emergency!"
Blue Toad guard: "What princess?"
Yellow Toad guard: "I've never heard of any princess."
Blue Toad guard: "Oh wait, I did. Our princess, though, is in another castle!"
Yellow Toad guard: "Oh yeah, that's right."
Blue Toad guard: "You should try another castle, maybe. She ain't in this one."
Toad: "Okay, so they're messing with you. And... I don't like it!" (Taking out his frying pan with a battle cry, he places his camping equipment down, and makes food for the Toad guards, much to Mario's confusion) "What do you guys, um... What do you wanna eat? Anything. Anything your hearts desire." (to Mario) "Go!" (to the guards) "I am ready to scramble up!"

Princess Peach rallying the Toads to stop Bowser

Toad General: "Council, your attention. Bowser has found the Super Star and is headed toward our kingdom. Its power will make him invincible. We will be destroyed." (The Toads gasp in horror)
Yellow Toad: "Princess! What are we gonna do??"
Peach: (rising from her throne) "I will not let him hurt you. We are going to stop Bowser."
Yellow Toad: "How?! Look at us. We're adorable!" (As he says this, he and the other Toads make puppy-dog eyes)
Peach: "I'm going to convince the great Kong army to help us. Together, we'll annihilate that monster!"
Toad General: "Their mad king doesn't make alliances. The Kongs will never agree!"
Peach: "I can convince him. I'll leave for the Jungle Kingdom in the morning." (leaves)
Toad General: "Good luck, Princess — for all our sakes."

Mario meeting Princess Peach

(Mario runs to Peach in slow-motion)
Mario: "Princess!" (He is suddenly flipped onto his back by Peach) "Princess! I-" (Several Toad guards restrain Mario, causing him to scream and cry in agony.)
Peach: "Wait. Release him." (The Toad guards do so, with one of the guards kicking Mario) "Are you..." (gasps; excitedly) "He's a human!" (starts inspecting Mario) "I mean, you are a human, right? It's just that you're... you're so small."
Mario: (offended) "Hey!"
Peach: "Wait, wait, wait. Let's go back. Where did you come from?"
Mario: "Uh, me and my little brother, Luigi... we fell down this pipe, and now he's lost... somewhere in the Dark Lands!"
Peach: "Then it's only a matter of time before he's captured by Bowser. But you're in luck — I'm on my way to stop him."
Mario: "Well, take me with you."
Peach: "This guy's a lunatic. A psycho. He will eat you for breakfast. He won't even notice it probably because you're very, very small."
Mario: "You know what? Make fun of me all you want, but you're gonna help me find my brother. ...Please?"
Peach: "Okay. Let's see what you're made of!" (walks off)
Mario: "Is that a 'yes'?" (follows Peach)
Peach: "No. That's a 'Let's see what you're made of'."

Mario having his first power-up

Mario: "That was amazing. Wait! How... how am I supposed to do that?"
Peach: "With the power-ups. They give us special abilities." (hits a Question Block with a red mushroom inside, landing on Mario's hands)
Mario: "Ugh! Really??"
Peach: "Go on. Eat it."
Mario: "Ugh..."
(Mario tries to eat it)
Mario: "Does this have to be a mushroom? Cause I just HATE mushrooms and..." (sees Peach glaring at him to hurry up)
"Okay, okay." (clears throat and tries to eat it again) "Are you sure there's not like a--"
(Fed up, Peach grabs the red mushroom and force-feeds Mario)
Peach: "Down the hatch! Yup, there it is, and all gone!"
Mario: "Not cool!" (Mario suddenly transforms into Super Mario) "Whoa! I'm tall!"
Peach: "And strong." (Mario jumps and breaks a Brick Block) "And you can jump!"
Mario: "Oh, I got this. No problem!" (runs onto the Training Course and jumps) "Woo-hoo!" (suddenly falls, crashing into multiple brick platforms and landing in the water, and is transported back to the platform via a Warp Pipe)
Peach: "Oh yeah... When you get hit, you lose the power." (hits the Question Block again, producing another red mushroom)
Mario: "Great!" (sighs and eats the red mushroom to become big again)
Peach: "Come on, try again."

Peach trying to cheer Mario up after failing the Training Course

Peach: "Well... We have a long journey ahead of us, moustache."
Mario: "But I didn't make it."
Peach: "You almost did. No one gets it right away."
Mario: "How many tries did it take you?"
Peach: "Oh, so many. I was not good at it. Worse than you." (grins)
Mario: (not buying it) "You got it right away, didn't you?"
Peach: "I got it right away, but I grew up here."
Mario: "Okay, now you're just trying to make me feel better."
Peach: "No... Is it working?"
Mario: "A little bit, yeah."'

Bowser rallying the Koopa Troop and announcing his future wedding with Peach

Bowser: "My army! Koopas! Goombas! Whatever those things are! After years of searching for the Super Star, it is finally ours!"
Bowser's army: "YEAH!"
Bowser: "I am now the most powerful turtle in the world!"
Bowser's army: "YEAH!!"
Bowser: "Soon, we will arrive at the Mushroom Kingdom...!"
Bowser's army: "YEAH!!!"
Bowser: "Where after years of being sworn enemies... I will ask their princess to marry me in a fairy tale wedding!!"
Bowser's army: "YEAH—" (abruptly stops upon hearing the last part)
Koopa Troopa with spear: "Yeeeah..."
Koopa Troopa: "Did he say 'marry the princess'?"
One of Bowser's Minions: "Doesn't she hate you?"
Bowser: "Of course she hates me. But that makes me love her all the more. Her heart-shaped bangs, the way she floats in the breeze, her immovable tiara... And when she sees this Star... Ohohoho, WEDDING BELLS!"
Koopa Troopa with spear: "But what if she says no?" (Bowser breathes fire and turns the Koopa Troopa into a Dry Bones)
Bowser: "Then I will power up with the Star and destroy the Mushroom Kingdom!"
Bowser's army: "YEAH!!!!"
Bowser: "So prepare yourselves for the best wedding ever! IT'S GONNA ROCK!!"

Peach impressed by Toad's bravery

Toad: "Don't worry. I. WILL. Protect you."
Peach: "A Toad brave enough to join me?"
Toad: "I fear nothing."
Peach: "Well, that settles it. You're coming with us. Let's move!"

Bowser asking Kamek about Mario

Kamek: "Sire..."
Bowser: "What?"
Kamek: "A report from our intelligence. A mustachioed human has arrived in the Mushroom Kingdom." (Bowser huffs in anger) "The princess has been training him. They are up to something, sire!"
Bowser: "Sit. Jam with me." (Bowser plays the Underground Theme while Kamek plays the Coin sound effect) "This... uh, human... Where did he come from?"
Kamek: "We... aren't sure?"
Bowser: "Does the princess like him?"
Kamek: "Sire, look in the mirror! You have nothing to worry about!"
Bowser: "I know that. I'm not threatened." (promptly slams the piano lid on Kamek's fingers, causing Kamek to scream in pain) "FIND OUT WHO HE IS, AND WHAT THEY'RE PLANNING!!!"
Kamek: "I'm on it, sire... May I lift the cover?"
Bowser: "Not yet. Pain is the best teacher."

Mario and Peach at the bonfire

Peach: "Thinking about your brother?"
Mario: "We've never been apart this long."
Peach: "Don't worry; we're going to save him." (Mario beams. Peach touches a Fire Flower and transforms into Fire Peach. She sets up a campfire with a fireball.)
Mario: "You don't seem like you're from here."
Peach: "I... don't know where I'm from."
Mario: "Really?"
Peach: "Yep. My earliest memory is arriving. I was so lucky they found me. They took me in, and raised me like one of their own, and when I was ready, they made me their princess."
Mario: "Hey, maybe you're from my world!"
Peach: "There's a huge universe out there. With a lot of galaxies."

Bowser interrogating Luigi

Snifit: "We found him in the Dark Lands."
Bowser: "Leave him to me." (Kamek undoes Luigi's restraints and forces him to Bowser.) "What is your name?"
Luigi: "Luigi."
Bowser: "Not sure if you know who I am, but I'm about to marry a princess and rule the world."
Luigi: "Wow, uh… Yay."
Bowser: "But there's one problem, Luigi: there's a human traveling with my fiancée. Has a mustache, just like you. Do you know him...?"
Luigi: "No. No!"
Bowser: "Tough one, I see. Maybe THIS will get you to talk!" (pulls on a strand of Luigi's mustache)
Luigi: "Do you think I know every human being with a mustache wearing an identical outfit with a hat with the letter of his first name on it?! ...Because I don't!"
Bowser: "DO YOU KNOW HIM?!"
Luigi: "STOP! STOP! STOP, STOP, STOP! I know him! Yes, I know him! Yeah, he's my brother, Mario, and he's the best guy in the world!" (dissolves into blubbering)
Bowser: "Do princesses find him attractive?!"
Luigi: "THEY DO IF THEY HAVE GOOD TASTE!!" (Bowser furiously yanks a chunk of Luigi's mustache, causing him to shriek in agony)
Bowser: "Get him outta my sight!" (tosses Luigi aside) "We'll see how tough this Mario is when he watches me KILL HIS BROTHER!"

Luigi captured

Luigi: "Where am I?!"
(Laughter sounds out. Luigi turns to see Lumalee spinning in his cage.)
Lumalee: "Home!"
Penguin King: (to Luigi) "Pay him no heed. He's cute, but he is (cuckoo whistle)."
Lumalee: "In an insane world, it is the sane who are crazy."
Luigi: "How long have you guys been in here?"
Lumalee: "Time, like hope, is an illusion."
Penguin King: "PLEASE! We are depressed enough!"
Luigi: "There's gotta be a way outta here!"
Lumalee: "There's no escape. The only hope is the sweet relief of death."
(The prisoners moan in agony.)
Penguin King: "Oh, you've GOT to be kidding me!"
(Luigi sighs in despair.)

Peach convincing Cranky Kong to help

Cranky Kong: "Oh, by all means, come in."
Peach: "Great and mighty Cranky Kong."
Cranky Kong: "So, I heard you want my army."
Peach: "Yes, your Highness. Without your help, the Mushroom Kingdom will be annihilated."
Cranky Kong: "What makes you think you're worthy of fighting alongside the greatest army in the world!?"
Peach: "Because we have heart! And with your strength... we can win."
Cranky Kong: "Okay, fine."
Peach: "That's it?"
Cranky Kong: "No, that's not it. The answer is no. Goodbye."
Peach: "But if the Mushroom Kingdom falls, the Jungle Kingdom is next!"
Mario: "We're not leavin'... without YOUR ARMY!"
Cranky Kong: (cackles) "Who is this guy? Oh, he makes me laugh! All right, tough guy... You want my army so badly? Defeat my son, in the Great Ring of Kong!"
Peach: ''"Give us a second." (to Mario) "This is a really, really bad idea."
Mario: "Well, do you have another way to save my brother?"
Cranky Kong: "Are you two done whispering? It's a little rude."
Mario: "You, sir, have a deal. I'll fight your son and WIN!"'
Cranky Kong: "I'm sure you will."

Donkey Kong's introduction

Donkey Kong: "I'm D.K.! I'm Donkey Kong! Oh yeah!" (waving to Cranky Kong) "Hi, Dad!"
Cranky Kong: "No, don't... don't do that!"
Donkey Kong: "Dad, wave back."
Cranky Kong: "Enough with the showboating!"
Donkey Kong: "What do you mean? They like it! It's what they came here for: dancing pecs!" (does a chest dance as the crowd cheers wildly)
Cranky Kong: "Alright, simmer down!" (The crowd continues to chant) "I said, 'SIMMER DOWN!'" (The crowd except Diddy Kong stops cheering) "That means you, Diddy Kong!"
Diddy Kong: "DK! D... sorry."

Mario and Donkey Kong arguing after the arena fight

Peach: "That was incredible! He kept beating you senseless and you just kept getting back up?! You just don't know when to quit!"
Mario: "Huh. I never thought of that as a good thing."
Peach: "It's a great thing!"
Mario: (touched) "Thanks."
Donkey Kong: (interrupting) "I let him win, just for the record."
Mario: "Really, though? Why would you do that?"
Donkey Kong: "You wanna know why? It's" (throws a barrel at Mario) "MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, that's why!!"
Mario: "Alright, giant monkey!" (attempts to fight back)
Cranky Kong: "ENOUGH!" (hits both Donkey Kong and Mario with his staff) "Get inside!"

Cranky Kong discussing the plan

Cranky Kong: "We've located Bowser's ship. He's gonna arrive at the Mushroom Kingdom by sundown! Luckily for you guys, I've got a shortcut!"
Peach: "We beat him there and ambush him!"
Cranky Kong: "Yeah, I know. That's why we're gonna need karts!"

Bowser practicing his proposal to Peach

Bowser: "Princess Peach... Here we are. Hehe. I guess love really makes a guy come out of his shell, hehe." (his Piranha Plant bouquet snaps at the camera, which he promptly stomps) "Hehe. Let's rule the world. Together. Forever. Will you marry me?"
Kamek: "Oh, yes!"
(Suddenly, the Koopa General bursts in, clearing his throat.)
Bowser and Kamek: "WHAT?!!"
Koopa General: "We have found the princess and the mustachioed human. He has defeated Donkey Kong and won the Kong army."
Bowser: "So was Peach, like, super-impressed?"
Koopa General: "It appears so, yes. They are heading for the secret passage!"
Bowser: "So they think they can surprise me? Two can play that game."

Mario seeing the secret passage about to end

Mario: "Um... no one panic, but the road is about to end."
Cranky Kong: "Well then, you better step on the gas and buckle up!"

Mario, Peach, Donkey Kong and Toad talking on Rainbow Road

Peach: "Is there anything like this in your world?"
Mario: "What?!"
Peach: (louder) "Is there anything like this in your world?"
Mario: "(laughs) Oh no. We don't drive on rainbows."
Peach: "What are you gonna tell me next? That the turtles aren't evil?"
Mario: "No, no. They're usually pets!"
Peach: "No way!"
Mario: "Eh, come to Brooklyn, I'll buy you a turtle!"
Peach: (giggles) "Maybe I will."
Donkey Kong: "Dude, is this you flirting? This is painful!"
Mario: "I was just trying to be nice!"
Donkey Kong: "You are so embarrassing! A princess would never go out with you!"
Toad: "Yes, she would! I guarantee she would!"
Peach: "Guys, enough!"
Donkey Kong: "Alright, alright."

Mario after saving Donkey Kong

Donkey Kong: "Mario... you saved my life!"
Mario: "Yeah, well, I won't tell anyone."
Donkey Kong: "Good. Please don't."

Peach arriving back at the castle

Toad General: "Princess?"
Peach: "We lost the army... and Mario is gone." (The Toads gasp in shock) "Bowser is coming. Head into the forest. I'll buy you some time."
Toad General: (to the others) "You heard her. Evacuate the city!" (He and everyone else run out the castle, except for Toad.)
Peach: (to Toad) "Go with the others."
Toad: (determined) "I said I wouldn't let anyone hurt you."
(With an understanding smile, Peach heads out the balcony, with Toad following.)

Bowser proposing to Peach

Bowser: "Princess Peach. Brave as ever. As you can see, I have the Super Star."
Peach: "If you're going to use it, use it now!"
Bowser: "No, princess! I stole this Star for us! I guess... love really makes a guy come out of his shell." (chuckles, but Peach scowls in disgust) "I told you that line wouldn't work!"
Kamek: "You're doing great!"
Bowser: "Peaches, with this Star, we will be invincible. We can rule the world together. Forever! Will you marry me?"
Peach: "Marry you? Are you insane?! I would NEVER marry you!"
Bowser: "Maybe you should reconsider." (Kamek zaps Toad with a beam, causing him to scream in agony.)
Peach: "NO! STOP! PLEASE STOP! I'll... I-I'll marry you. Just don't hurt my Toads!" (Bowser signals Kamek to release Toad)
Bowser: "You have my word." (laughs) "Time for a wedding!"

The Kongs as prisoners

Lumalee: "Ooh, fresh meat for the grinder!"
Cranky Kong: "Who's THIS ray of sunshine?"
Lumalee: "There is no sunshine. Only darkness."
Penguin King: (aggravated) "Shut up, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!!"

Kamek announcing that the prisoners will be sacrificed

Kamek: "Hello, prisoners! You don't deserve this, but you're invited to the royal wedding!"
Penguin: "Yay!"
Kamek: "...Where you will all be ritualistically sacrificed!" (teleports off, leaving the prisoners to panic after a beat)
Lumalee: "Finally... mercy!"

Mario and Donkey Kong inside the Maw-Ray

Donkey Kong: "So this is the end: being slowly digested by an eel next to an... idiot in overalls."
Mario: "At least your brother isn't gonna die because of you."
Donkey Kong: "Least you're not gonna die with your dad thinking you're a joke."
Mario: "Yeah, well, my dad thinks I'm a joke, too..."
Donkey Kong: (forlorn) "Yeah, well..." (angrily) "Your dad's RIGHT!"
Mario: "You know what?! I feel bad enough. Just- just leave me alone!"
Donkey Kong: "I've never met your dad, but he sounds brilliant!"
Mario: "Just go in a corner and SMASH some stuff, smash monkey!"
Donkey Kong: (furious, throwing a temper tantrum) "I! AM! MORE! THAN A GUY! WHO SMASHES THINGS!!!"

Peach talking to Toad before her wedding

Toad: "Princess! I've got it!"
Peach: "Great job."
Toad: "You can't be going out there without your bouquet."
Peach: "It's perfect."

Bowser and Peach's wedding

Kamek: "Dearly belov--" (suddenly gets punched by Peach, much to Bowser and the congregation's shock)
Dry Bones: "Draaa-maaa...!"
Peach: "You really thought I'd marry you?"
Bowser: (beat) "Kinda!"
Peach: (pulls out a Ice Flower from her bouquet) "I'd NEVER marry a monster!" (transforms into Ice Peach)
Bowser: (briefly looks heartbroken before growing infuriated) "Then we are breaking up RIGHT NOW!"

Mario standing up to Bowser

Mario: "Hey! Leave him alone!"
Bowser: (tossing Donkey Kong aside) "You just don't know when to quit!"
Mario: "Yeah, I've been told that before."

Bowser being shrunken down by a blue mushroom

Bowser: "Peaches..." (nervous chuckle) "Listen, this is not the way I pictured it... but give me one more chance."
Peach: "Ew! No!"
Bowser: "No, no, no, no, no--" (Peach feeds him a blue mushroom and he shrinks; in a now high-pitched voice as Toad places him in a bottle) "Hey! HEY! That is not cool!"
Donkey Kong: "Ha! He got the blue mushroom!"
Mario: "See? I told you I'd get you a pet turtle."
Peach: (giggles) "Not bad, moustache. And Luigi, you're so brave!"
Luigi: "Oh, thanks. Yeah, it's kinda my thing."
(The Bros.' mother and father arrive)
Mario's mother: (embraces the brothers) "Oh, my boys! My heroes!"
Mario's father: "WAHOOOO!! Mario! You were amazing!" (laughs)
Mario: (surprised) "...Thanks, Dad."

The mid-credits scene

Bowser: (singing) "Mario, Luigi, and-a Donkey Kong, too... A thousand troops of Koopas couldn't keep me from you. Princess Peach, at the end of the line... I'LL MAKE YOU MINE! Ohhh, Peaches, Peaches, Peaches, Peaches, Peaches, Peaches, Peaches, Peaches, Peaches, Peaches, I LOVE YOU, OHHH!"
(A Toad guard interrupts him)
Toad guard: "HEY! Quiet in there! Lights out, little guy!" (whacks Bowser's cage and leaves)
Bowser: (in a high-pitched voice) "Hey! You can't treat me like this! Do you know who I am?! I AM BOW-" (the Toad guard slams the door on him, causing him to sigh)