Wario Press Conference

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The Wario Press Conference is an audio interview featuring Wario, who answers questions from reporters about himself, as well as his newly released games WarioWare, Inc.: Mega Microgame$! and Wario World. The origin of the conference is unknown; however, because Wario says his Nintendo GameCube games are his newest, the audio was likely produced in the early 2000s. Wario is presumably voiced by Charles Martinet. The following is a transcript of the conference.

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(A crowd of people are chatting. Soon, there is silence)

Wario: "Hello, all you rotten people out there, it is me, Wario! (Laughs loudly) Wahahahahaha! And I've-a got something important to say, so pay attention, or I smack you. (Giggles) Heeheehee! My newest video game-a, WarioWare Incorporated, Mega Microgame-ses, is-a brilliant. Of course it's-a brilliant; it's-a starring me! And, I'm-a coming out with another new game: Wario World! (Giggles) Heeheeheehee! Also brilliant, also starring me! Oh, mama mia... thinking about it makes me so excited, I just want to smack-a somebody! Come here, maybe I smack you! (Giggles) Heeheeheeheehee! My new game puts me on Nintendo Game-a-cube-a. Oh yeah, I'm on top of the world-a now, oh yeah! Now, I am on every game-a system, just like I should be; watch out, Mario! I'm-a takin' over now, baby, and I'm only getting-a started. Mama mia, Wario almost forget! Wario World and WarioWare Incorporated feature Nintendo's exceptional connected game-a-play. Mama mia! Doesn't that just blow your tiny little minds? Pop! I knew that it would. Well, what are you waiting for, you punk-ses? Stop messin' around, start reportin', get out there, sell the game-ses, make-a me rich! (Laughs) Wah-hahahaha! And have a rotten day. (Raspberries) Thbbbbpht. I'm-a such a stinker. Okey-dokey. Shut up and start asking questions!"

(Reporters call for Wario's attention)

Wario: "All right, you! The ugly guy in the pink-a shirt!"
Louie: "Yeah, it's me, Louie, from the Diamond City Herald. Yo, Wario! What makes you think that your new company WarioWare, Inc. will be a success?"
Wario: "What, are you cuckoo-crazy? Where-a you been? Everything I'm-a do turns to success! I'm-a brilliant. Everything I'm-a touch turns to green and gold! Security, take that loser outta here!"

(Reporters call for Wario's attention)

Wario: "All right! Uh... yeah, you, the short guy with the glasses."
Pauly: "Yes, this is Pauly from the Club Sugar Daily News. In your new game, Wario World, your money turns into monsters. What's your grand plan for getting it back?"
Wario: "Well, I'm-a got a question for you, too, Pauly. Want a cracker? (Laughs loudly) Wah-hahahahaha! Ah-hahahaha! I'm-a so funny, I make myself laugh! (Laughs loudly) Ah-hahahahahah! Seriously, in this game, you've got to use my impressive body and mental genius to battle a bunch of idiotic monsters, and turn them back into treasures. I'm-a not-a worried at all. I'm-a gonna stomp-a those dimwit-ses, and-a suh-mack 'em around like they're little bugs. Smack, stomp! Smack, stomp! Oooooh... they will all fear... Wario! (Laughs) Ah-hahahahahah! I hope I make you scared, too, Pauly. Ah!"

(Reporters call for Wario's attention)

Wario: "Wow, humma-humma ding-a-dong! How about you there, babe-boo-licious babe? (Growls) Rehrrr!"
Lindsey: "Hi Wario, this is, um, like, Lindsey from WNN, Wario News Network."
Wario: "Ooooh, hello, babe-boo-licious."
Lindsey: "Hi. Um, so, like, in Wario World, you're starring for the first time in 3D. Like, is this more exciting than in other games you've been in?"
Wario: "You better believe it, baby. Of course it is. 3D offers more Wario for everyone to admire and adore, and worship. (Growls) Rehrrr! I'm-a also look-a so groov-a-licious on that screen, mama mia! You all gonna be so jealous watching my moves! Admit it, all you losers out there, you already wish you were me! (Laughs) Hahahahahahah! And you babe-boo-licious babes wish you could all be with me, eh? (Growls) Rehrrr!"

(Reporters call for Wario's attention)

Wario: "Yeah, you, the beanpole!"
Stewie: "Uh, yeah, Stewie, from, uh, DCBNTV, Diamond City Broadcasting Network."
Wario: "Uh-huh?"
Stewie: "How do you feel about the over-the-top wrestling-style moves that you have at your disposal in Wario World?"
Wario: "Well, really, no different than I usually feel: powerful and great, and basically the coolest guy in the world, able to smack somebody! Now, tell me something, Mr. Stewie. How would you feel if I'm-a SMACK-a you? Smack! Smack! Come back here! Smack! Smack! I'm gonna smack you!"

(Reporters call for Wario's attention)

Wario: "Yes, my darling?"
Stella: "Yeah, I'm Stella from Me Magazine."
Wario: "Humma-humma ding-a-dong, you sure are."
Stella: "Wario, now that you have your new castle, what next?"
Wario: "Well, I'm-a gonna fill it with some more treasures, what else? My castle is gonna rank-a number one. Just like-a me, (Chuckles) heh-heh! Eh, then maybe you like to come up and uh, see it, uh! Uh, play with my gold-a coin-ses. (Giggles) Heeheeheeheeheeheehee! Maybe I put-a spaghetti meatball sauce ALL over you. (Laughs) Hahahahahah! Okey-dokey."

(Reporters call for Wario's attention)

Wario: "You, the hunny-wunny. (Growls) Rehrrr!"
Greta: "Hi, Wario, this is Greta from RichesToRicher dot com."
Wario: "Hello, Guh-reta."
Greta: "Hello. Will you ever be financially satisfied?"
Wario: "I'm-a don't know. Will you ever be as enchanting as me? (Laughs) Hahahahahah! Nobody is!"

(Reporters call for Wario's attention)

Wario: "Ah, you, the short guy!"
Stan: "Yeah, Stan, SDRFM Radio, Sugar Daddy Radio, Stan the Man. Wario, what do you really think of your rival, Mario?"
Wario: "Well, Stanny-the-manny, you outta your cuckoo-crazy mind to ask me a question like-a that! You looking for a good smacking! Mario... Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes... now there's another guy who's looking for a smacking. (Imitating Mario) Hello, it's-a me, Mr. Goody-Two-Shoe Mario! Urrrgh... he can't hold a candle next to me! He-a wishes he were me! He-a want to be fabulous like-a Wario! But he never will. Oooooh... hey, Stanny-the-manny, remind me to SMACK you later on!"

(Reporters call for Wario's attention)

Wario: "Next?"
Skip: "I'm Skip, from the Diamond Inquirer. Hey, Wario, any special lady in your life?"
Wario: "Naaah, come on! Who has-a time for women these-a days, eh? Besides, there are plenty of babe-boo-licious babes begging to get a piece of-a me. But I'm-a too fabulous to be bothered. The only lady in my life, is cold hard cash: Miss Gold-a Coins. Oh yeah, oh yeah, Mrs. Gold Coins."

Wario: "Okey-dokey, enough of this idle chit-chat. I'm-a gotta back to makin' my money. Have a rotten day! (Raspberries) Thbbbbpht."