List of WarioWare: Touched! quotes

This is a list of quotes from the game WarioWare: Touched!. The items are listed by order of appearance.

Instruction booklet

Wario

Wa hah hah hah!
"I'm filthy, dirty, gut-churningly rich!!! It's all thanks to WarioWare, Inc.'s success! That still hasn't stopped me from swiping stuff. Just the other day, I pilfered a couple of portable game systems! Well, then I fell and dropped them down a manhole. This hold guy popped out and asked me if I'd dropped those two systems or this other system I'd never seen before. I lied and took them both!"

Arrrggg!
"How do I work this thing?! It's got two screens! Wait... I can use this weird little stick on the screen to play! This is actually fun! I've got it – I'll trick people to make me a bunch of microgames for free and then I'll sell them to the masses. With two screens, I'll make twice as much money! KER-CHING!"

Touch it!
"The screen, that is! Grab a Nintendo DS Stylus and poke, rub and slash the screen to play my glorious microgames! If you see a kitty, poke it! If you see a genie lamp, rub it! It's so easy, even a chump could figure it out – I'm a GENIUS!!!"

• "Press START or press Up on the Control Pad to pause the game. You never know when you'll need to take a second to extract a nose nugget!"
• "When you want to take a break to scoff some tacos or something, just shut off the Nintendo DS™ and it'll take a nap! To wake it up, just open it up again and you can pick up where you left off!"
• Knock it off! Get your grubby hands off the Touch Screen! Whaddya think the stylus is for?! USE IT!
• "Quit bangin' on the Touch Screen! Unless you wanna break it... If so, go right ahead!"
• "Stop touching the top screen. IT WON'T WORK!"
• "My game is a smash hit! This shouldn't surprise anyone – it's the brainchild of me, the greatest video game designer in the history of everything! So, all that money the game is making is MINE MINE MINE! But everyone is conniving against me, saying, 'We designed your microgames! We want to get paid!' AARGH! They didn't do SQUAT! They're not gonna get anything! WHA?! HEY, quit doodling on my gorgeous, yet manly, face!!!"

Mona

• "Hi, I'm Mona! Wario got a little overexcited and had to take a breather! It's a good thing, too – he has a tendency to spray it, not say it! I'm taking over from here!"
• "Hey, I'm back! I may work as a pizza-delivery diva by day, but I also play the bass in the hardest-rockin' band in the city – Mona and THE HOT SLICES! Our first gig is today at the famous HAWT HOUSE! Come check us out... we're going to, like, totally ROCK!"
• "My CUTE CUTS are easy to play: just make quick slices across the screen. Simple, right? It's a lot like jamming on a bass!"

Jimmy T.

• "Yo! If you though I had some wicked dance moves, my family will blow your mind. Trust me, you DO NOT wanna throw down with my family in a Disco Dance Off!"
• "In my microgames, all you gotta do is rub the Touch Screen the right way!"

Kat and Ana

• "We're not just ninjas – we're also stars of the Mystical Ninja's Elementary upcoming school play!"
• "We have to learn our lines! Oh, and we can't forget to practice throwing stars and disappearing in a cloud of smoke!"
• "To beat our microgames, you have to scribble or draw long lines on the Touch Screen! They're pretty fun: you get to saw stuff in half, draw mustaches, and paint finger-nails!"

Red

• "What's up? People call me Red. Well, at least my friend Ashley does. She's a pretty wicked sorcerer. We live in this big creepy mansion. While Ashley's brewing up potions and studying spells, I spend most of my time hanging out, collecting ingredients for Ashley, and poking stuff with my pitchfork."
• "In Ashley's microgames, you've usually got to grab something and slide it somewhere. You'd better do it fast, or Ashley will freak out on you! I'm not even kidding."

Dr. Crygor

• "My labor of mechanical love is finally complete! I call it the 'Tri-phonic Undulating Nanobot Automaton', or TUNA! With my brilliant TUNA, I can transform an apple core back to its original deliciousness!"
• "I have hypothesised that TUNA will allow me to live for at least another 437 years, during which time I can experiment continuously... while travelling in my flying car... in space."
• "Use the wonders of centrifugal force to triumph over my scientifically challenging microgames! Simply plant your stylus firmly on the Touch Screen and spin and rotate with vigour!"

Mike

• "I am Mike. My highly advanced karaoke software was designed to keep the party bumping, but all I do is clean Dr. Crygor's laboratory. I was built to ROCK THE MIC, not ROCK THE MOP!"
• "Urge to host... party... overpowering system..."
• "Head microphones are go!"
• "CD, vinyl, tape and 8-track players are fully operational!"
• "Blow into the microphone to win my microgames!"

9-Volt and 18-Volt

• 9-Volt:"'Sup! 9-Volt here! This is my friend 18-Volt!"
• 18-Volt:"Word!"
• Both:"We're 27-Volts!"
• 9-Volt:"We're flipping out about the hottest game of the year – 36-Volt Man! It comes out tomorrow!"
• 18-Volt:"Word!"
• 9-Volt:"New games are cool, but they still don't rock as hard as old-school Nintendo games! That's why we've made our microgame stage all about..."
• Both:"Retro Action!"
• 9-Volt:"It's guaranteed to make you freak out!"
• 18-Volt:"Word!"
• "Our Nintendo microgames are just like the originals, except you play 'em with the Touch Screen!"

Wario-Man

• "Stouter than an iron burrito... Studlier than a snow tyre... Faster than a galloping mule! He is... er... I am... WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARIO-MAN!"
• "What?! You want me to help you cross the street?! Bwaaaah! Do I wear shiny armour? Do I ride a white stallion? You're barking up the wrong fire hydrant, old lady!"
• "You never know what kind of touch technique you'll have to use in my bold and spicy SUPER ZERO mix!"

Character descriptions

Each character has a short description scrolling on the top of the screen when selected. Obtaining a score equal or higher to the number mentioned in the bracketed part unlocks a toy or minigame.

Wario

• "Wario here! No offense, but you stink! My Touch Training stage is guaranteed to make you 138 percent less pathetic! (Don't be a disgrace: score over 30 points!)"

Mona

• "Heya! It's me, Mona! You'll have fun jamming with my Cute Cuts! (I hope you score over 30 points!)"

Jimmy T.

• "Yo! My Dance Club Rub microgames will get you swayin' and gyratin'! (Show Jimmy. T watcha got! Score over 30 points!)"

Jamie T.

• "I'm Jimmy's disco-fabulous sis, Jamie! My mix features the hottest microgames from Wario, Mona and Jimmy! (Just try to score over 30 points!)"

Kat & Ana

• "Hi! I'm Kat! My sister, Ana, has been helping make some sweet Ninja Scribble microgame! (I bet you can't score over 30 points!)"

Ashley

• "I'm Ashley, and I hope you find my microgames a Total Drag. Good luck trying not to embarrass yourself! (There's no way you'll ever, ever, EVER score over 30 points! Ever.)"

Dr. Crygor

• "Ahem! Dr. Crygor here. My research has yielded a dizying array of Slightly Unscrewed microgames! (Can you accrue over 30 points?)"

James T.

• "I'm James, Jimmy's chick-magnet brother, and my sizzlin mix is loaded with microgames by Kat & Ana, Ashley and Dr. Crygor! (Are you gonna score over 30 points or what?)"

Mike

• "Attention party people: I am Mike, a robot programmed to please crowds with high-impact Mic Rocking microgames! (Your human lungs will be challenged to score over 30 points!)"

9-Volt

• "Sup! I'm 9-Volt! My hot collection of classic Retro Action microgames are all about old-school Nintendo flavor! (Cheat codes won't help you score over 30 points!)"

Wario-Man

• "Yech. I'm not supposed to catch a cold! Ugh... is my Super Zero microgame mix next? I can't remember. ACHOOO! Bah, I'm taking a nap. (Description if Wario-Man's stage is not cleared yet)"
• "I am Wario-Man! You never know what kind of touch control you will have to use in my Super Zero microgame mix! (You'll need a truckload of atomic garlic to score over 30 points!) (Description after Wario-Man's stage has been cleared)"

Microgame set intro and conclusion quotes

Each character has two quotes; one before the introductory cutscene of the microgame set start and another after completing it and watching the ending cutscene.

Wario

• "This'll be easy. No pressure. Just don't screw up!"
• "MEH! Not bad... for a chump!"

Mona

• "You'll love my cute microgames!"
• "You rule! Good luck on the next stage!"

Jimmy T.

• "My body-bumpin' games are gonna rub you the right way!"
• "Yo! You got some sweet scratchin' skills. Catch you at the club!"

Jamie T.

• "Wario, Mona and Jimmy's microgames are in the mix!"
• "That was some serious funkitude!"

Kat & Ana

• "Test your scribblin' skills in our stylish games!"
• "Don't worry about the snack! We're friends now!"

Ashley

• "Just drag stuff. Even you can do that."
• "Everyone loves me 'cause I've got a bewitching personality!"

Dr. Crygor

• "It's really quite simple: spin to win!"
• "Excellent! Prepare for liftoff!"

James T.

• "Ashley, Dr. Crygor and Kat & Ana's games make up this hot mix!"
• "You've got some smooth moves!"

Mike

• "Query: can you rock the mic?"
• "Optimal performance! Have you considered a career in karaoke?"

9-Volt

• "Strictly old-school Nintendo!"
• "Woah... you beat the game! You've got some skills!"

Wario-Man

• "Expect the unexpectable!"
• "You won!? ARRG! You've been eating your garlic!"

Intermission quotes

In "Games" mode, each character, after defeating a boss on each difficulty, an intermission cutscene appears with a quote (of course, when the player touches the character, it animates).

Wario

• "Why hasn't someone invented garlic toothpaste?"

Mona

• "What should I wear today?"

Jimmy T.

• "Time for a cold glass of chill! Awww, yeah!"

Kat & Ana

• "Keep it up! You're doing great!"

Ashley

• "Go ahead...pet my stuffed bunny. Mweheheh!"

Dr. Crygor

• "My experiment is a freakish success!"

Mike

• "Robo-rockin' systems on standby!"

9-Volt

• "I wish I could play games all day!"

Wario-Man

• "Faster than a doughnut! Stronger than cardboard!"