The 'Shroom:Issue 214/Pipe Plaza
Director's Notes
Hello and Happy January!! I hope everyone has had a nice start to 2025 so far. For me, I've been diving into a lot of shenanigans with Dungeons and Dragons. I found out a few weeks ago that they updated the Player's Handbook, and I am absolutely in LOVE with some of the things they added. Specifically, they added some new subclasses for Druids that I think are REALLY cool. Maybe I'm a little biased because I'm playing a druid in an upcoming campaign with some of my friends...
We have a one-off Community Report this month from our Fake News Director, Waluigi Time (talk)! On top of that, we have the rest of our spectacular selection of super cool sections! If you want to join us with a super cool section of your own, just head on over to the sign up page to get started!
Section of the Month
Congratulations to this month's winners! In first place, we have MightyMario (talk) with Awards Analysis! Meanwhile, Shoey (talk) nabs silver and bronze with Archie Sonic Comic Shoebox and What's in a Campaign?, respectively! Thank you to everyone who votes for their favorite sections as well.
| PIPE PLAZA SECTION OF THE MONTH | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Place | Section | Votes | % | Writer |
| 1st | Awards Analysis | 5 | 41.67% | MightyMario (talk) |
| 2nd | Archie Sonic Comic Shoebox | 3 | 25.00% | Shoey (talk) |
| 3rd | What's in a Campaign? | 2 | 16.67% | Shoey (talk) |
Mario Calendar
Hello everyone, happy 2025! I hope you all have had a fantastic start to the year, and a great end to 2024! Here's to a year full of accomplishments, fun, and awesome Mario games! But as I say every year, before we can move on to the future, it is important to first look to the past. So let's look at what Mario games came out in all the Januaries that have come before!
Region Abbreviations
| Abb. | Region |
|---|---|
| ALL | All Regions (JP/NA/EU/AU) |
| JP | Japan |
| NA | North America |
| EU | Europe |
| AU | Oceania/Australia |
| SK | South Korea |
| CHN | China |
| UK | United Kingdom |
Console Abbreviations
| Abb. | Console |
|---|---|
| NES | Nintendo Entertainment System |
| Famicom | Family Computer Disk System |
| SNES | Super Nintendo Entertainment System |
| N64 | Nintendo 64 |
| GC | Nintendo GameCube |
| GB | Game Boy |
| GBC | Game Boy Color |
| GBA | Game Boy Advance |
| DS | Nintendo DS |
| 3DS | Nintendo 3DS |
| Switch | Nintendo Switch |
| Wii VC | Nintendo Wii Virtual Console |
| 3DS VC | Nintendo 3DS Virtual Console |
| Wii U VC | Nintendo Wii U Virtual Console |
| VB | Virtual Boy |
| G&W | Game and Watch |
| 64DD | Nintendo 64 Disk Drive |
| MS-DOS | Microsoft Disk Operating System |
| CD-i | Philips CD-i |
| IQ | iQue Player |
| NVS | Nvidia Shield |
| ACPC | Amstrad CPC |
| ZX | ZX Spectrum |
| Coleco | Colecovision |
| TI-99 | Texas Instruments TI-99/4A |
- January 1
- 1998 (JP): Wrecking Crew '98 (SNES)
- January 2
- 2015 (EU): Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker (Wii U)
- January 3
- 2015 (AU): Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker (Wii U)
- January 5
- 2000 (AU): Super Smash Bros. (N64)
- 2012 (AU): Fortune Street (Wii)
- January 6
- 1998 (JP): Easy Racer (Satellaview)
- January 7
- 2005 (EU): Classic NES Series: Dr. Mario (GBA)
- January 9
- 1986 (EU): Pinball (NES)
- January 11
- 2019
- (NA): Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story + Bowser Jr.'s Journey (3DS)
- (ALL): New Super Mario Bros. U Deluxe (Switch)
- 2019
- January 12
- 2007 (EU): WarioWare: Smooth Moves (Wii)
- January 13
- 2005 (JP): Mario Party Advance (GBA)
- January 15
- 2007 (NA): WarioWare: Smooth Moves (Wii)
- 2009 (JP): New Play Control! Mario Power Tennis (Wii)
- 2014 (JP/EU/AU): Dr. Luigi (Wii U eShop)
- January 16
- 1995 (JP): Undake30 Same Game (SNES)
- 2001 (NA): Mario Tennis (GBC)
- 2025 (ALL): Donkey Kong Country Returns HD (Switch)
- January 17
- 2008 (JP): Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games (DS)
- 2014 (EU): Mario Party: Island Tour (3DS)
- 2024 (EU): LEGO Super Mario Goal (Sky Italia)
- January 18
- 2007
- (JP): Wario: Master of Disguise (DS)
- (AU): Mario vs. Donkey Kong 2: March of the Minis (DS)
- 2014 (AU): Mario Party: Island Tour (3DS)
- 2018 (JP): Mario + Rabbids Kingdom Battle (NS)
- 2007
- January 19
- 2006 (JP): Super Mario Strikers (GC)
- 2017 (JP): Poochy & Yoshi's Woolly World (3DS)
- January 21
- 1993 (EU): Super Mario Kart (SNES)
- 1994 (JP): Wario Land: Super Mario Land 3 (GB)
- 1999 (JP): Super Smash Bros. (N64)
- 2001 (JP): Donkey Kong Country (GBC)
- January 22
- 2008 (NA): Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games (DS)
- 2016 (NA): Mario & Luigi: Paper Jam (3DS)
- January 23
- 2020 (JP): Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games Tokyo 2020 - Arcade Edition (Arcade)
- January 24
- 2000 (NA): Mario Party 2 (N64)
- January 25
- 2007 (AU): WarioWare: Smooth Moves (Wii)
- 2008 (EU): Donkey Kong Barrel Blast (Wii)
- 2009 (EU): Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story + Bowser Jr.'s Journey (3DS)
- January 26
- 2019 (AU): Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story + Bowser Jr.'s Journey (3DS)
- January 27
- 2005 (JP): Yoshi Touch & Go (DS)
- 2006 (EU): Mario & Luigi: Partners in Time (DS)
- 2011 (AU): Mario Sports Mix (Wii)
- January 28
- 1993 (EU): Super Mario Land 2: 6 Golden Coins (GB)
- 2000 (JP): Donkey Kong GB: Dinky Kong & Dixie Kong (GBC)
- 2009 (JP): Art Style: PiCTOBiTS (JP)
- 2011 (EU): Mario Sports Mix (Wii)
- 2016 (JP):
- Mario Tennis: Ultra Smash (Wii U)
- Mini Mario & Friends: amiibo Challenge (Wii U eShop)
- Mini Mario & Friends: amiibo Challenge (3DS eShop)
- January 31
- 2008 (JP): Super Smash Bros. Brawl (Wii)
And that's it for January! Always strikes me as such an unimpressive month compared to a lot of the later ones. The holiday season is over, and the dead season begins… but that's okay, because it turns out that there's actually a new game I'd never heard of coming out this month! At the time of writing this, it hasn't come out yet, but Donkey Kong Country Returns HD is coming to the Switch on January 16! I've never really played through a Donkey Kong game before, but maybe this is finally the time? The Switch really has become the ultimate Nintendo console, hasn't it?
Anyways, I hope you all have a fantastic rest of your month, and I will see you in February!
Poll Committee Discussion
Written by: Hooded Pitohui (talk)
Hello there, all you readers of The 'Shroom! It's your local Strategy Wing Director, Hooded Pitohui, back here again on behalf of the Poll Committee. Would you believe it? We're nearing the end of the Fourteenth Poll Committee's term. Next month is the Poll Chairperson Election, so keep an eye out and think about putting your hat in the ring. It's a great job for learning the ropes of working with a focused team in the community. Anyhow, that's the closest thing to news for the month, so let me proceed straight to the polls!
Archives
Which Mario Kart course prior to Mario Kart 8 that has not yet returned as a retro course would you most like to see remade? (Waluigi Time (talk), December 21st, 2024)
| Which Mario Kart course prior to Mario Kart 8 that has not yet returned as a retro course would you most like to see remade? |
|---|
| Wii Toad's Factory 28.80% (761 votes) |
| GCN Wario Colosseum 14.35% (379 votes) |
| N64 Wario Stadium 13.63% (360 votes) |
| GCN Mushroom City 8.55% (226 votes) |
| 3DS Maka Wuhu 7.46% (197 votes) |
| 3DS Wuhu Loop 6.78% (179 votes) |
| My preferred course isn't listed on here. 6.21% (164 votes) |
| I have no opinion 5.90% (156 votes) |
| Wii Luigi Circuit 2.54% (67 votes) |
| DS Figure-8 Circuit 2.50% (66 votes) |
| Wii Mario Circuit 2.42% (64 votes) |
| GBA Broken Pier 0.87% (23 votes) |
| Total Votes: 2,642 |
What are your opinions on Mario & Luigi: Brothership? (Waluigi Time (talk), December 7th, 2024)
| What are your opinions on Mario & Luigi: Brothership? |
|---|
| I have not played Mario & Luigi: Brothership, but I want to. 41.46% (983 votes) |
| The game is excellent, and I enjoyed it a lot. 22.44% (532 votes) |
| I have not played Mario & Luigi: Brothership and don't intend to. 16.11% (382 votes) |
| The game is good, and I enjoyed it. 12.06 (286 votes) |
| The game is okay, but there is room for improvement. 6.75% (160 votes) |
| The game is bad, and I did not enjoy it. 1.18% (28 votes) |
| Total Votes: 2,371 |
Analysis
Which Mario Kart course prior to Mario Kart 8 that has not yet returned as a retro course would you most like to see remade?
Both of our polls this month come from resident sharply-dressed beanpole Waluigi Time, and the first of these polls concerns... ah, Mario Kart courses. Well, that's fine. I'm sure the winner will be a long-time fan favorite course I can speak to, like Wario Colo- Eh? It's... Toad's Factory from Mario Kart Wii? O-Oh. I have to admit, I never took to Wii, but, well, it does have some good tracks, and I do enjoy Toad's Factory. It has a pretty unique concept, with an industrial factory not being something seen before in Mario Kart. That said, there being a lot of energy behind a Toad's Factory return was not something known to me until this poll ran. I did a cursory search of the wider web, and perhaps I didn't look hard enough or in the right places, but I didn't see any huge groundswell in support for Toad's Factory. Thus, I began to suspect a similar situation to the one which helped Coconut Mall surge above Waluigi Pinball in the 2024 Mario Awards. Perhaps YouTube and its popular channels had come out in favor of Toad's Factory, unbeknownst to me?
Well... I'm going to level with you. I really didn't feel like doing a deep dive into the world of YouTube Mario Kart discussions. It's not my cup of tea, though more power to you if you enjoy the genre. I did, however, feel I had a duty to make some attempt, and so I found a video about Toad's Factory and the desire to see it return from Schaffrillas Productions, who am I given to understand is a popular account, especially when it comes to Mario Kart-related matters. After watching the video, I can say... I genuinely understand the attention given to Toad's Factory. It's the last of the unique courses in Mario Kart Wii which has never been given a remake, it has the aforementioned unique theme, a clever and cute concept, great music, and interesting course elements which perfectly mesh with the course theme and design. I have to admit after considering the points raised, I'm sold. Congratulations, poll voters, I have put Toad's Factory in my top five list of courses I want to see return.
Votes drop off fairly hard as the poll moves into second place, with Wario Colosseum only capturing about half of what Toad's Factory did. I'm not going to go through all of these individually, but I will note a general pattern among the top six. The top six are either one of just a few courses which haven't returned from their original game (Toad's Factory, Wario Colosseum, Wario Stadium, Mushroom City), longer tracks with fewer/different laps (Wario Colosseum, Maka Wuhu, Wuhu Loop), or have a fairly unique theme (Toad's Factory, Mushroom City, Maka Wuhu, Wuhu Loop). So... I guess if you want folks to be excited about returning tracks, you should pick tracks with combinations of those traits!
For my two cents, give me Wario Colosseum, the Wuhu courses, Toad's Factory, and Broken Pier.
What are your opinions on Mario & Luigi: Brothership?
The Bros. are back, but is their Switch outing a return to form or has this ship already sunk? The jury is decisively... out. Yes, it's our perennial favorite in these new game release polls, "haven't played it yet". It's very well possible a lot of folks picked this up for the holidays and didn't have it in time for this poll. It will be interesting to see where sales numbers shake out, with this informal poll suggesting there are more folks who want to get it than folks who have already decided against it, but it seems unwise to make any statements on whether the game is selling well or not at this stage. After all, we only have Japanese sales numbers as of December 27th, 2024, which put the game at 148,000 units sold. Bowser's Inside Story, the best selling-game in the series, which I'll use as reference because the Switch and DS have a comparable install base, sold 717,000 copies in Japan by the end of 2009, but of course it had considerably more time to do so. Comparing first week sales in Japan, Brothership managed 63,000 while Bowser's Inside Story sold 193,000. Clearly the game isn't doing phenomenally, but I don't have the knowledge of the industry to say if that means it's doing poorly.
That's enough about sales numbers, though. This poll is about opinions, and of the folks who've played the game, the reception is positive! Over a fifth of our voters responded with glowing praise, while a smaller combined group merely found it okay or thought there was notable room for improvement. Quite striking after that middling IGN review which made the rounds around the web. I will say, though, while I do find the IGN review overly-critical, the various other reviews with some reservations and criticisms align pretty well with my own take on the game. It was fun, a solid Mario & Luigi game, but there was fat which needed to be trimmed and there are some glaring points in need of improvement. Pacing especially falters at various points during the game. Broadly speaking to my experience without offering spoilers, the first portion of the game is a slog, the second portion picks up and the game is compelling for its middle portion with a few overlook-able missteps here and there, and then the final stage of the game overstays its welcome.
Don't take my word for it if you're interested in trying the game out, though. Go play it for yourself, see if you agree with our respondents, and then write up a review and send it in to Critic Corner.
Conclusion
Well, with that, this ship has sailed. Remember the Chairperson Election coming next month, and join us again as we bring another set of polls next month!
Awards Analysis
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk)
Hello there, 'Shroom readers! It's me, analyzing more awards. This month, I'll be covering M20. Favorite Modern Game and F7. Worst Boss Battle.
Archives
M20. Favorite Modern Game
| M20. Favorite Modern Game (Wii U/3DS and newer) |
|---|
| Super Mario Odyssey 25.17% (437 votes) |
| Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door (Nintendo Switch) 14.46% (251 votes) |
| Super Mario Bros. Wonder 13.31% (231 votes) |
| Mario Kart 8 Deluxe 9.04% (157 votes) |
| Super Mario Maker 2 5.70% (99 votes) |
| Super Mario 3D World + Bowser's Fury 5.01% (870 votes) |
| Mario & Luigi: Dream Team 3.97% (69 votes) |
| Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze 3.17% (55 votes) |
| Luigi's Mansion 3 2.59% (45 votes) |
| Super Mario RPG (Nintendo Switch) 2.19% (38 votes) |
| Total Votes: 1,736 |
F7. Worst Boss Battle
| F7. Worst Boss Battle |
|---|
| Boom Boom (Super Mario series) 16.18% (235 votes) |
| Bowser generator (SMBW) 12.12% (176 votes) |
| Bowser (SMB) 8.75% (127 votes) |
| Big Cheep Cheep (PM:SS) 7.99% (116 votes) |
| Eely-Mouth (SMS) 6.20% (90 votes) |
| Steak (PM:CS) 6.13% (89 votes) |
| Polterkitty (LM3) 6.06% (88 votes) |
| Cloud N. Candy (YS) 3.86% (56 votes) |
| Clem (LM3) 3.58% (52 votes) |
| Zeekeeper (M&L:DT) 3.31% (48 votes) |
| Total Votes: 1,452 |
Analysis
M20. Favorite Modern Game
Not much happened with the award itself besides deciding what new games to put on, so it's straight into the results. Let's address the obvious here. Super Mario Odyssey won by a significant margin, just like it has on every iteration of Favorite Modern Game since the game came out. I don't think anyone's really surprised, so let's move on. What's much more interesting is that the other two nominees in our top three are new releases - the Switch version of Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door and Super Mario Bros. Wonder! I'm not surprised, these are both highly-regarded games and for good reason! I can say that because I actually played them unlike a lot of the other games we have to talk about on the committee! Thousand-Year Door is one of the most beloved Mario RPGs (the original Gamecube version has always been a strong contender on our other game awards), and Wonder is the most innovative the iconic 2D platformers have been in a long time. Maybe it's a surprise to some that Thousand-Year Door beat out Wonder, but that game has a very passionate fanbase and I wouldn't be surprised if Odyssey is still splitting the platformer vote. That knocks last year's second place winner, Mario Kart 8 Deluxe, down to fourth, and Super Mario 3D World + Bowser's Fury which took third last year was bumped out of the top five by an increase in votes for Super Mario Maker 2.
The 2023-2024 Awards cycle was very much the era of the new game, a nice change of pace from 2022-2023 when the only new game we had to consider was Mario + Rabbids Sparks of Hope, a game which quickly became the butt of the joke because no one on the committee actually played it! Out of all the new games this cycle, the Super Mario RPG remake and Princess Peach: Showtime! were the only other two to make it onto the award. Super Mario RPG made an okay showing at tenth place, with Showtime! behind it in eleventh. I'm surprised to see RPG in particular as low as it is, though. The original version does pretty well on Favorite Classic Game, although there's not nearly as much strong competition there. The other new releases of this cycle, WarioWare: Move It! and the Switch version of Mario vs. Donkey Kong, only got one write-in vote each. Sorry guys, but I don't think we'll be putting you on this time.
For 2025, I expect that we'll at least be adding Mario & Luigi: Brothership, although I've seen mixed reactions for that game, and probably Super Mario Party Jamboree. I mostly expect the top placements to stay the same, though. Maybe it'll take the Switch 2 for us to get another shake-up in results, at which point we'll start arguing if the 3DS and Wii U are really "modern" anymore and I'll start crumbling to dust like an old geezer.
F7. Worst Boss Battle
You ever play through a Mario game, encounter something and think "oh yeah, this needs to be on that award next year"? Well, maybe not if you've never been on the Awards Committee, but it happened to me and Pitohui! This stupid thing from Super Mario Bros. Wonder, the Bowser generator (a conjectural name the wiki had at the time - Nintendo has since confirmed its name as "Mecha Maker"). Wonder is a great game in most aspects, but the bosses... Oof. This thing takes the cake though, you jump over a few obstacles, step on it once, and it dies. Quite possibly the most lame thing I've seen passed off as a boss in a video game. So we put it on Worst Boss Battle, and it took first place!
...For a while, until Boom Boom got more votes than it and won for the second year in a row. You gotta give Boom Boom some credit though, he was added in 2023 after doing well(?) in the write-ins the previous year, and immediately shot up to first place. It would be a pretty good success story, if this wasn't a Fail Award. Anyway, that leaves our good friend the Mecha Maker in second place, knocking down Bowser from Super Mario Bros. to third place. And much like Favorite Modern Game, last year's bronze winner, Eely-Mouth, got knocked down a bit, falling to fifth place behind the Big Cheep Cheep from Paper Mario: Sticker Star. And through all of this the only thing I'm thinking is I still don't know why people hate Boom Boom so much, but you do you.
The other new nominee, Purrjector Cat from Princess Peach: Showtime!, did poorly (or maybe it did well?) at a measly fifteenth place. Maybe the committee was off the mark and people don't really hate this boss, or maybe not enough people played Showtime! for it to get anywhere. You can be the judge of that, but I think I know which of the two I'm going for.
Conclusion
And that's all for this month! Next time, our Awards Committee Sub-Director Hooded Pitohui takes the analytical reins once more. Be sure to come back for it because he always writes good stuff.
Community Report
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk)
Hello there, 'Shroom readers, and welcome back to a one-off pseudo-return of Community Report, the section that talks about some of the things happening on the wiki. I'm not going to be going into proposals or featured articles like I used to, mostly because at the time of writing there's a whopping 66 proposals that are currently active or have wrapped up since the December 'Shroom issue! If you're wondering why I stopped writing this section, yeah, that's why. If any of you wiki-attuned folks want to take it on, be my guest.
Anyway, what I'm here to talk about is staff changes over the past year! 2024 and the early days of 2025 have seen a lot of new faces joining the staff team, some retirements, some returns, some housecleaning, and even the first new bureaucrat in seven years! So I thought, hey, why not give them some recognition? Without further ado, here's every promotion and demotion on the wiki since January 1st, 2024. To make things easier for readers who aren't as familiar with the wiki's inner workings, I've added up arrows to signify promotions and down arrows to signify demotions.
| Affected User | Previous Rank | Current Rank | Date | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Ray Trace (talk) | Administrator | ↓ | Autopatrolled | January 6, 2024 |
| Sparks (talk) | - | ↑ | Patroller | May 17, 2024 |
| Nintendo101 (talk) | - | ↑ | Patroller | July 11, 2024 |
| TheFlameChomp (talk) | Administrator | ↓ | Autopatrolled | September 21, 2024 |
| Technetium (talk) | - | ↑ | Patroller | November 7, 2024 |
| Ray Trace (talk) | Autopatrolled | ↑ | Administrator | November 16, 2024 |
| Sparks (talk) | Patroller | ↑ | Administrator | December 16, 2024 |
| Nintendo101 (talk) | Patroller | ↑ | Administrator | December 16, 2024 |
| LuigiMaster123 (talk) | Patroller | ↓ | Autopatrolled | December 22, 2024 |
| Mario (talk) | Administrator | ↑ | Bureaucrat | December 24, 2024 |
| Wynn Liaw (talk) | Autopatrolled | ↑ | Patroller | December 30, 2024 |
| Zootalo (talk) | - | ↑ | Patroller | January 1, 2025 |
| CyonOfGaia (talk) | - | ↑ | Patroller | January 1, 2025 |
| Tails777 (talk) | - | ↑ | Patroller | January 2, 2025 |
| Doomhiker (talk) | Patroller | ↓ | Autopatrolled | January 5, 2025 |
The 'Shroom Report
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk)
Hello there, 'Shroom readers! It's the first report of 2025, but in this section we're still in 2024 just a little bit longer. Last one of the year, Issue 213! Thanks as always to our Statistics Manager and outgoing Sub-Director Meta Knight for keeping the paper's spreadsheets up to date!
For new readers or anyone needing a refresher, please open the box below.
Categories that are not applicable this month are crossed out.
First-Time Writers lists everyone who wrote their first section for The 'Shroom in the previous issue.- New Sections lists recurring sections that started their run in the previous issue. This includes returning sections that previously went inactive.
- Guest Sections lists one-off submissions from the previous issue.
- Milestones covers certain section numbers reached in the previous issue. Writers are mentioned for every 10 sections written in a team and every 50 sections written overall, teams are mentioned for every 100 sections, and The 'Shroom itself is mentioned for every 500 sections.
- Most Sections Written lists the current all-time record holders.
| Section | Writer |
|---|---|
| Just Shapes & Beats: The Groovy Guide | Sparks (talk) |
| Writer/Team | Milestone |
|---|---|
| FunkyK38 (talk) | 90 Fun Stuff sections |
| MCD (talk) | 60 Critic Corner sections |
| Shoey (talk) | 150 Fun Stuff sections |
| Waluigi Time (talk) | 10 Critic Corner sections |
| 400 overall sections | |
| Palette Swap | 1,000 sections |
| Team | Writer | Number of Sections |
|---|---|---|
| Main/Staff | Henry Tucayo Clay (talk) | 142 |
| Fake News | Waluigi Time (talk) | 149 |
| Fun Stuff | Shoey (talk) | 150 |
| Palette Swap | FunkyK38 (talk) | 203 |
| Pipe Plaza | Yoshi876 (talk) | 128 |
| Critic Corner | Hypnotoad (talk) | 198 |
| Strategy Wing | Hooded Pitohui (talk) | 125 |
| Overall | Yoshi876 (talk) | 747 |
| FunkyK38 has the longest history with the paper out of the current Core Staff. Her first contribution to The 'Shroom was Brawl Tactics in Issue XXXII (32). She is followed by Anton (57), Shoey (59), Lakituthequick (66), and Roserade (71), the only other Core Staff members to join the paper within the first 100 issues. |
What's in a Campaign?
Hello, and welcome back to What's in a Campaign?, a 'Shroom section where I look at various robots from the hit show Robot Wars. Originally this month I was going to do Chaos 2's dominant Series 3 run, but it's my last issue as Director and I decided, screw it, I'm going to do something special. So instead, this month, we're going to be doing something I've been looking forward to for a long time. I'm covering the Series 5 and Extreme 1 run of one of my top five favorite robots. You know it, you love it, it's the beautiful, wonderful, perfect Napalm!
So since we've covered Napalm before, I'll just remind you it's the fighting robot representing the Dartford Girls Grammar School! The team was captained by teacher David Crosby with students Victoria Allgood, Clare Greenaway, and Michelle Davey, and joined by David's daughter Tegan. The Napalm robot had a, how you say, not-so-good reputation! Multiple times it was compared to a pile of rubbish! But you already knew that; after all, we've already looked at Napalm twice because this is my section and I love Napalm!
For Series 4, the team entered Shadow of Napalm, an attempt at making a better robot. It failed. Shadow of Napalm was bad. I believe they said they measured the shell wrong so it was barely able to move with its armor on. As a result, the seeded Shadow of Napalm fell in the second round of its heat quite easily. Although it still managed to outlast the ferocious Disco Inferno in its first-round melee somehow… So, for Series 5, the team accepted their fate and, that's right, Napalm's back babyyyyyyyyy! Sort of. You see, In Extreme 1 there are actually two Napalms that enter.
The first Napalm is very similar to the original Series 2 and 3 design, with the only differences being that the titanium plough front has been replaced by a steel one. The mandibles (which were never supposed to be a weapon to begin with) have been replaced by a set of spikes, and the paint job has been changed to a red and black job with the word "Napalm" painted across the front. This version of Napalm would only fight in the Extreme 1 Vengeance and Tag Team Terror Battle before being replaced by Napalm "2".
This new version of Napalm is honestly, in my opinion, slick as hell, sporting an entirely black and white paint job with a stylized N2 at the front (for "Napalm 2"). The grate style armor of Napalm 1 has been replaced by a titanium hull that goes completely around the machine.
That titanium hull also serves the purpose of helping make Napalm 2 heavier, with this version weighing 100 kg compared to the other's 84.4 kg. Napalm 2 also has an actual weapon now! Powered by wheelchair motors, the mandibles are completely replaced by interchangeable axes, with an axe with a single spike being used in Series 5 and a garden pitchfork-style axe being used in Extreme 1.
But here's the thing, I don't think the actual innards of Napalm 2, outside of the weapon system, are different from the other Napalm's. I think it's the same robot just with a new armor setup and a new weapon. I don't know for sure, but based on how it performs, it would make sense if it was still using old battered motors and machinery. But anyways, I love the design of Napalm 2. I think it looks dope and that's the version we're going to see the most of!
As a reminder, all pictures are sourced from the fantastic Robot Wars Wiki. There isn't a compilation of all Napalm fights because, quite frankly, that would be madness. Since the original Napalm design's fights aren't anything special, I'm not going to provide links for them. But I will provide links and timestamps for Napalm 2's fights because they're great!
So we're going to start our journey with the original Napalm in Robot Wars: Extreme 1. Since we don't talk a lot about Extreme 1, I'll just give a refresher. Extreme 1 is the odd duck of the Robot Wars series. It's a lot of tournaments and grudge matches spread out over a lot of episodes, but unlike Extreme 2 where every episode focused on a single tournament, Extreme 1 goes for a very scattershot approach where, except for a single episode (the Armed Forces Special), every episode features different rounds of various tournaments. It's an odd decision which leaves it feeling very unfocused. For example, the Tag Team Terror starts in episode 2 but it doesn't end until episode 13! So it's very hard to watch actual episodes of Extreme 1, because it's just so all over the place with what's going to happen. Plus, there are random vengeance battles and one-off battles spread throughout. It makes it really hard to follow along. Extreme 2 would fix this problem by having every episode be its own tournament, making those episodes easier to consume. Also, Extreme 1 goes for, like, a wrestling angle, with, like, fake drama and trash talk. But most of these guys are just big nerds who can't talk or act! So, robots like Plunderbird and Diotoir, they get a decent amount of airtime simply because they have teams that can actually play characters!
So we start in the Tag Team Terror, where Napalm has been teamed with the Class Acts and Sir Chromalot. The Class Acts (the team behind Sir Chromalot) are one of the comedy teams of Robot Wars. Their whole gimmick is that they're fancy people who wear suits and drive limos. Their actual robot is okay; it's a circular robot with what I think is an overcomplicated flipper design. To be honest, I look at this tag team and think "who put this team together???".
Their opponents are The Steel Avenger and Suicidal Tendencies, two pretty good robots who would both be heat finalists in future wars. Napalm starts the fight for some reason, which those are some bold tactics which aren't what I would have done, but sure! The two robots slam into each other, with the Steel Avenger missing an axe blow. Napalm attempts to ram into the Steel Avenger, but The Steel Avenger puts its axe right though the steel plough of Napalm before driving away. Napalm moves its mandibles widely in an attempt to attack?
But it doesn't matter, 'cause The Steel Avenger just rams into it multiple times as Napalm barely moves. The Steel Avenger finishes it is assault off by driving Napalm into the wall ,where Napalm then just drives over the mostly useless CO2 geysers that exist for some reason.
Still moving somehow and getting no help from its teammate Sir Chromalot, Napalm drives away, presumably trying to tag out. But Suicidal Tendencies is tagged in and they go on the attack, driving Napalm in to the wall and getting its crushing claw right between one of Napalm's headlight eye!
Napalm spins around in a circle, allowing Suicidal Tendencies to get its other eye! Sir Chromalot continues to do nothing, by the way, as the House Robots decide that Napalm is dead enough. Shunt just throws its axe into Napalm while at the same time Suicidal Tendencies rips off a piece of its grate-style side armor. Despite being completely broken to pieces with one of its eyes smashed and its armor ripped off, Napalm is still going somehow! But not for long! Sir Killalot finally has had enough and picks Napalm up with its own claw hand and drops it out of the arena! Sir Chromalot finally joins the fight, but at this point nobody cares and nobody is following the rules. The House Robots are just roaming the arena as The Steel Avenger, Suicidal Tendencies, and Sir Killalot tag team Sir Chromalot to death, dumping it in the pit and ending this Robot Wars match.
The original Napalm would make one more appearance in what is quite frankly one of the most embarrassing moments in the history of Robot Wars - Napalm's "Vengeance" battle. So, for context! Robot Wars: Extreme 1 is the weirdest of all the Robot Wars series, because, like I said earlier, it's a lot of different tournaments that are scattered in pieces throughout multiple episodes. In addition to these tournaments (like All-Stars, The Challenge Belt, and The Annihilator), there are also different kinds of one-off battles that litter the tournament. We're going to be focusing on the Vengeance battles, which were battles promoted as 1-on-1 matches between rivals to end feuds between them. Now some of these, such as Pussycat vs Razor, 101 Vs King B3, and Panic Attack vs X-Terminator, were actual grudge matches. But then there were the ones that featured robots that had nothing to do with each other, like Plunderbird and Mega Morg facing off over who was the best singer.
You had other examples of odd fights, like Bigger Brother and fucking Comengetorix fighting over Comengetorix's claims that Bigger Brother didn't deserve to fly the Union Jack during their Tag Team Terror matchup (they were on opposite sides). Although, to be a little fair to that one, that was a filler fight specifically filmed because of delays caused by the intense damage Panic Attack took during the second Annihilator (damage that ultimately forced them to pull out).
Now here's the other thing about Extreme 1 - it also had a professional wrestling-style slant to it where the roboteers were expected to cut flashier promos and there were fake storylines like Diotoir sabotaging the Firestorm machine before their Vengeance battle.
Knowing this is important because Napalm is placed in a Vengeance battle with Thermidor 2 of all people, over, get this, the Thermidor 2 team claiming girls don't belong in the Robot Wars arena! Robot Wars producers, baby, what are you doing? You're doing a sexism angle? And you picked the funny lobster robot people to be the sexists? Also, like, I get that it's slim picking for girl power teams at this point in Robot Wars, but you're putting the defense of women in Robot Wars on the shoulders of Napalm? NAPALM?
So here's how the fight goes, 'cause it's not very long. Napalm drives forward and Thermidor 2 gets under them and lifts them in the air as it drives off. Then it just drives back, gets under Napalm again, and flips it on to its back. Napalm is just done. I mean, that robot stopped innovating in like 1999, so it doesn't have a self-righter, lol. Then Thermidor 2 lands an honestly sick flip on Napalm, sending it back on its wheels, landing it on the flame pit! 10/10 flip! Even David Crosby and Vicki love it, lol. Napalm is dead, by the way, and, adding insult to injury, after it's counted out, Thermidor 2 throws Napalm out of the arena, lol.
I guess the team has proved it's point. I guess women don't belong in Robot Wars. Oh, and, after the fight, despite thoroughly handing Napalm its ass and, I guess, proving their point, the Thermidor 2 team has to be like "wow Napalm team, you sure showed us. Oh how wrong we were. I guess we were wrong, truly women belong in Robot Wars". Fuck you, Robot Wars, you should have burned this tape!
That's the end ignominious end of Napalm 1, but now we get to the real good stuff, the ballad of Napalm 2. And to start this epic tale loved pretty much exclusively by me, we're going to jump to Series 5 Heat E. We will be jumping back to Extreme 1 but the two series were filmed at the same time, so it'll just be easier this way.
Napalm 2 (who I'll just refer to as Napalm from here on out) was placed in Heat E and in its first round faced off (14:23 - first video) against Warhog, a pretty solid full-body spinner who first appeared in Series 4 where it basically killed itself. The producers clearly set this fight up because they thought it would be cool to watch Warhog tear Napalm to shreds, BUT JOKE'S ON THEM BECAUSE WHEN THEY GET IN THE ARENA WARHOG'S SPINNING BODY DOESN'T WORK! GOTEM, ROBOTS WARS PRODUCERS, GOTEMMMMMMMMMMMMM!
So now you've got a pushing match between Napalm, with its one spike axe that I'm not sure is powerful enough to go through my body, and Warhog, this deadly full-body spinner that can't spin! God, I love Robot Wars. The two robots slowly move to start this match while I'm sure the Warhog team is going "fuck, why aren't we spinning?" and the Napalm team is going "fuck, why aren't they spinning?". Napalm, seeing that Warhog isn't spinning, "charges" at them, lightly tapping Warhog with its titanium plow. Warhog returns in kind, slowly backing up before "charging" in to lightly tap Napalm. Napalm turns on a dime in the slowest way possible to get its axe in the fight, but Warhog just drives out of the way. They both look like they're stuck in molasses – oh how I love this fight.
Then Napalm, driving in reverse to try to get its axe in the fight, manages to somehow push Warhog into the disc of Matilda. Which, hey, that's a solid drive! Napalm gets its weapon involved, landing "blow" after "blow" on the little hat Warhog wears.
It doesn't do any damage, but I guess it legally scores aggression points! I don't know what's going on with Warhog, 'cause it just doesn't drive away from this "assault" and lets Matilda hit it with her disc again before finally driving away. They then pan to the Warhog team, where apparently Johnathan Pearce has just realized Warhog isn't working right (never change, Johnathan). When they pan back to the fight Napalm has pushed Warhog into the wall and, in a funny moment, Warhog's body causes it to bounce off the wall. Napalm then lands more blows to the adorable little Warhog hat, which are of course doing nothing, but with Warhog pinned to the wall by Napalm, Matilda is free to again ram Warhog with her backside blade! Oh, and, in the process, Napalm basically just fucking dies! Refbot has to free Napalm, who drives a little bit. Warhog finally drives away slowly as Napalm gets its axe stuck at the back of the angle grinder. Warhog than gets stuck on the flame pit as Napalm is, I'm pretty sure, dead.
Mercifully, this fight finally goes to the judges. The judges rule that both robots suck and nobody deserves to win, but since somebody has to win, Napalm is declared the winner! Which, I mean, if somebody has to win this fight, Napalm did all the work and clearly won this fight. Oh, also, this fight was so boring and so rotten they didn't show any of the highlights because there weren't any! It's the only fight they don't show highlights for in the history of Robot Wars. While the show might have hated this fight, I loved it. I spent the whole fight dying of laughter! In the post-match interview, David Crosby revealed he thought Napalm was going to have no chance of victory, saying he thought the only chance Napalm had was ramming Warhog into the wall before the disc got up to speed. Which, based on how slow Napalm was moving in this fight, yeah David, I'm sure that plan would have worked great. So Napalm goes to the second round, but we've already covered this fight. They face off against Wild Thing and die after two bumps, ending Napalm's main series campaigns.
But while Napalm's main series career has ended, it wasn't quite finished in Robot Wars. We return to Extreme 1, where Napalm was entered into one of the Mayhem fights. For those of you who don't remember, Mayhem fights were three-way qualifiers where the winner would go on to fight in one of the Extreme 1 Annihilators. I think they're neat, personally, but they're only ever done in Extreme 1, probably because Extreme 1 is the only series with a format that could support Mayhems. Every other Annihilator just had robots entered in them with no rhyme or reason. Anyways, with most of the Mayhem fights, you could sort of tell who the producers wanted to win. For instance, Panic Attack's Mayhem saw it face off against Diotoir and Shear Khan (who never appeared before or since) and Hypno-Disc's Mayhem saw it face off against Ming 3 and Wheely Big Cheese, both of whom had giant exposed tires for Hypno-Disc to take out. But some of the Mayhems were more open, such as Bulldog Breed's Mayhem, which saw it dispatch Spirit of Knightmare and Judge Shred, or Disco Inferno's where it defeated Velocirippa and, ugh, Comengetorix. And even some of the ones with clear favorites had upsets, such as The Steel Avenger beating King B3 and Tornado, the latter of whom was in the middle of a reign of terror over Extreme 1, or Arnold A. Terminegger upsetting Fluffy and Wild Thing!
Anyways, as for Napalm's Mayhem, it was clear that this was more of the former, where there was an obvious favorite and, spoiler alert, it wasn't Napalm!
Napalm's Mayhem saw Napalm come up against newcomer and Wild Card Warrior (Wild Card Warriors referred to a series of matches where newcomer robots faced off against veterans, with winning guaranteeing them a place in the main series) The Spider, as well as clusterbot flipper and former What's in a Campaign? appear-er, Gemini. Faced with such opponents, it's clear that Napalm is absolutely the underdog in this fight, to the point where The Spider team refers to them as weak, causing David Crosby to dismiss The Spider as "upstarts". Meanwhile, Gemini express excitement to get rid of poor Napalm once and for all! For this fight, Napalm has switched to its spooky scary garden pitchfork axe for more damage (?) capability.
This is one of my favorite fights in the history of Robot Wars. It starts out awesome, with Napalm, instead of taking one of the corners as its start position, just parks right next to The Spider. Then, when the fight starts (31:16 - second video), The Spider does exactly what they said it would, attacking Napalm with its rotating spikes (side note: I actually really like The Spider's design)! Bits and pieces of Napalm go flying as Napalm attempts to flee while firing its axe. Then The Spider, under no pressure, drives into the wall before reversing onto the flame pit before charging at one half of Gemini. The Spider turns its attention back to Napalm, pushing it into the wall. Then The Spider, who was forced to take off its top armor because it was overweight and who is under, again, exactly 0 pressure, reverses itself back onto the flame pit, where its motor immediately burns out immobilizing it.
Now the fight is a 1-on-1 between Napalm, with no self-righter, vs Gemini, two very good flippers, so this should be an easy win for Gemini, right? The camera focuses on The Spider burning for a little bit then Refbot starts counting it out, meaning that, for at least thirty seconds, nothing was happening in this fight! Finally, we pan back to the fight, where one half of Gemini attempts to flip Napalm but fails, and, in the process, Gemini ends up stuck on its wheels. Now, this shouldn't be a big deal because Gemini should just fall back onto its wheels, where it could self-right from there. But no, that can't happen because Gemini had a problem with wheeling up onto its wheels if it went too fast, so they put wheelie bars on the back of them. But they didn't think what would happen if they somehow landed on their back, so, because of that, the half of Gemini is just stuck on its back and can't move! And because of Clusterbot rules at the time, if one half of Gemini is immobilized, that means the whole damn thing is immobilized!
So the other half of Gemini flips Napalm onto its side before realizing "oh shit, I'm technically immobilized now". While Napalm falls back onto its wheels, the not-immobile half of Gemini attempts to right the other half and they get stuck on their wheels! Guys, Napalm wins this fight by doing nothing! They win this solely through the incompetence of their opponents. This is a top five fight for me; I laugh every time I watch it! The fight ends with all the robots pushed into the pit, lol!
Also, they show a shot of the crowd as Gemini is getting counted out and they look baffled that Napalm has taken this victory! In the post-match interview, David Crosby expresses shock that Napalm won because he's a normal person.
This sends Napalm to the Annihilator, or more specifically to Robot Wars: Extreme 1's infamous cursed Annihilator where, thanks to a series of weak draws, upsets, and Series 5 Hypno-Disc, the roster for this Annihilator is just really weird and full of robots that wouldn't be here otherwise. By this point we've talked about Annihilators enough I won't go into detail. Six robots face off in a free-for-all melee. Each round, one robot is eliminated and the last one standing takes the crown. It's my favorite Robot Wars tournament format because you usually get a lot of variety and cool fights out of it and, honestly, this one, even though it's, to be polite, wonky, is no different. For opponents, Napalm has:
Panic Attack: The Series 2 champion armed with lifting forks and the great driving of Kim Davis is back. Panic Attack qualified by defeating Shear Kkan and Tag Team Terror Champion Diotoir.
The Steel Avenger: Here's the Series 4 heat finalist and Extreme 1 Tag Team Terror runner-up. Armed with an axe at the front and a lifting plow at the back, The Steel Avenger qualified in an upset, winning a judges' decision over Series 2 Semi-Finalist and Series 4 Tag Team Terror champion King B3 Powerworks (the third robot in the fight was future champion Tornado, who was already KO'd).
Spirit Of Knightmare: Spirit of Knightmare actually lost its Mayhem after being KO'd by fellow flipper Bulldog Breed, but, as I said, Extreme 1 was filmed at the same time as Series 5 and, in Series 5, Bulldog Breed would face off against Hypno-Disc, who would damage Bulldog Breed so badly that Bulldog Breed would be unable to compete. The producers felt that Spirit of Knightmare had performed better than the other robot in the Mayhem (Judge Shred), so Spirit of Knightmare was put into the Annihilator.
Disco Inferno: Despite their own self-proclaimed desire not to compete in Robot Wars anymore, Disco Inferno is here sporting a 30kg disc capable of spinning at 3000 RPMs. It dominated its mayhem, destroying Commengeterix and tearing off part of Velocrippa's face while en route to a double knockout victory to qualify for the Annihilator.
Hippobotomus: Much like Spirit of Knightmare, this robot actually lost its Mayhem to the flipper named Atomic, and was, in fact, using a different design at the time. But Atomic would also face Hypno-Disc in Series 5 and Hypno-Disc also destroyed Atomic to the point where Atomic had to pull out of the Annihilator. Unlike Spirit of Knightmare, however, Hippobotomus (then called Fighting Torque) did not outperform the third robot in the fight (Mousetrap). The reason Mousetrap wasn't chosen was because it was torn to pieces by S3 during the waning seconds of its second-round match, which is also why Mousetrap was forced to pull out of the Armed Forces Special.
So right off the bat, Napalm is in a bad way. So bad that I'm surprised Napalm wasn't forced to withdraw from this fight. A combination of all the damage it had taken in the previous fights caused it is left-side drive to basically not work and it actually had to be pushed in the arena by Shunt. I'm not sure why it wasn't pulled from this unless the problems were discovered just too late and the team and producers were forced to just put it out there. ALSO, WAIT A MINUTE! THEY USED THE PRETAPED NAPALM 1 INTERVIEW FOR THIS FIGHT'S PRE-MATCH ROBOT INTRODUCTION? WHY??? So, anyways, Napalm is a sitting duck to start this fight (9:31 - third video) and it shows immediately, with Spirit of Knightmare attempting to quickly throw Napalm over. But Spirit of Knightmare sucks, so they fail!
Napalm is then ganged up on, being struck by a combination of Spirit of Knightmare's flipper and Panic Attack's body as The Steel Avenger throws axe blows into the body of Napalm before, finally, Disco Inferno rips a huge chunk of Napalm out with its disc! I think even Hippobotomus lands a blow with its weird disc arm thing! Everyone continues to pick on the somehow still-moving Napalm, with Spirit of Knightmare again getting under Napalm and pushing it into Hippobotomus before The Steel Avenger pushes Napalm into the flame pit while axing Napalm's axe.
Spirit of Knightmare and The Steel Avenger push Napalm into the arms of Sir Killalot. This time, Sir Killalot doesn't throw Napalm out of the arena. instead, it picks it up and sets it on those worthless CO2 jets that we never talk about but which we have for some reason talked about twice in this section! Napalm is still moving, which is honestly impressive, and tries to get away very slowly, taking another huge hit from Disco Inferno for its trouble. After this, Napalm basically exists in the fight and is only shown in wide shots barely moving along the wall, but Napalm is still technically mobile. As a result, when Disco Inferno finally realizes that Hippobottomus is made from a plastic sandbox and just destroys it with its disc.
Napalm reaps the benefits because, despite all the damage it has taken and despite doing nothing positive this entire fight, Napalm is through the second round of the Annihilator! Unfortunately, Napalm would go no farther :(
In fact, Napalm wouldn't even participate in the second round. As it turns out, in addition to what we saw during the fight, Napalm was hit by Matilda's backside flywheel at some point, completely bending its wheels. Now Napalm wasn't able to move in anything outside of a circle. Not having the time to fix this damage, Napalm was forced to withdraw from the Annihilator, marking the end of Napalm in Robot Wars.
This, sadly, was the actual end of Napalm in Robot Wars. While the team had briefly planned for another robot with hopefully better quality, it never came to fruition. Not only had all the girls grown up, but David Crosby himself had taken a job at another school, so it just never happened, ending Napalm's Robot Wars career. Despite Napalm's reputation as a hunk of junk, Napalm itself did quite well. With a Series Semi-Final and a Heat Final under its belt, Napalm had 7 victories and 6 defeats. Napalm actually has a positive win-loss record and never failed to make the second round of a main series. Across all three Dartford Grammar School robots (Detonator, Napalm, Shadow of Napalm), they had 8 wins and 8 losses while never falling in the first round of the main series.
Was Napalm a good robot? No, especially by the end where it's a super-outdated robot that somehow keeps winning in the first round. But I think Napalm itself has an undeserved reputation. Napalm has the reputation as if it was always a bad robot, which I don't think is true. Napalm in Series 2 and 3 is an average robot, which is why it managed to make both a Semi-Final and a Heat Final. It's not until Extreme 1 and Series 5 that Napalm is truly a bad robot because that's when it's outdated. But despite the fact that it's bad, the Napalm/Napalm 2 run is probably my favorite robot campaign, because it's just this super-outdated robot that somehow, someway keeps winning fights. Get placed up against a pretty good full-body spinner? Don't worry, the spinner won't work. Get placed up against two robots that both know you're the weakest? Don't worry, they kill themselves. Get absolutely destroyed by all five of your opponents and can barely move in general? Don't worry, they'll forget about you long enough for the plastic hippo bot to finally get destroyed. Napalm 2, despite having no weapon and moving slower than a particularly slow snail, has 3 wins and 2 losses! Two of those are from Napalm not doing anything! This whole run is hilarious, and every match, with the exception of the Tag Team Terror fight, is funny! I love Napalm and I'll always love Napalm. Its fights are almost always funny. Napalm is my guilty pleasure robot because, somehow, someway, despite Napalm's best efforts it always manages to find some level of success in every series it appears in. Plus, I think Napalm 2 has a sick design!
That's all for this month! Join me next month as I look at, by default, a higher level of robot!
| The 'Shroom: Issue 214 | |
|---|---|
| Staff sections | Staff Notes • The 'Shroom Spotlight • Poochy's Picks • Directorial Address • Credits |
| Features | Fake News • Fun Stuff • Palette Swap • Pipe Plaza • Critic Corner • Strategy Wing |
