The 'Shroom:Issue 214/Palette Swap
Director's Notes
Welcome back to a fresh year of The 'Shroom! It's January!
So, the Switch 2 has been officially revealed... and I am a little underwhelmed, to be honest. I hope the new console will be like the original switch in that it will have a second, more colorful variant right at the start, but we'll see. The new design of the joycons is also interesting- they will snap into place instead of sliding into place. The charging port where it snaps and connects into the console makes me nervous, though, that is just asking for a small child to crack it off and break your $300+ console. We also got a small look at what seems to be a new MarioKart, perhaps? I won't make any judgements until April, when we get our first direct. If they release this thing for the holidays, it might be another Wii situation, where they are impossible to find for a while. We'll have to wait and see what Nintendo does next. Either way, I'll be playing Xenoblade X when that comes out and reading books the rest of the time.
The new year brings a lot of new things to Palette Swap! Our lovely Pipe Plaza Director, Zange (talk), is starting a new monthly section called Mixdown Breakdown, where they will be putting music under the microscope and analyzing everything about a chosen track. We've got a new comic starting as well, Story Without Text by Aomaf (talk), which will feature comics made with photography as the medium. Please give our new sections a read and let us know what you think! We have two guest sections for you to top it off: Sparks (talk) has returned with another installment of Random Video Analysis for you to check out, and we also have Shoey (talk) making an appearance with Random Image of the Month once again. Our regular writers have emerged into the new year as well, so I won't hold you here any longer.
Happy reading! ~FunkyK38
Section of the Month
It's time to look at the last of 2024's Section of the Month votes! Coming in first, we have Waluigi Time (talk)'s Waluigi Time Comic! Following up, we have a two-way tie for second: Waluigi Time (talk)'s Shmaluigi: Private Investigator and winstein (talk)'s The ? Panel. A big thank you to everyone who voted, and please keep it up in the new year!
| PALETTE SWAP SECTION OF THE MONTH | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Place | Section | Votes | % | Writer |
| 1st | Waluigi Time Comic | 14 | 36.84% | Waluigi Time (talk) |
| 2nd | Shmaluigi, Private Investigator | 8 | 21.05% | Waluigi Time (talk) |
| 2nd | The ? Panel | 8 | 21.05% | winstein (talk) |
Random Image of the Month
Hello, and welcome back to Random Image of the Month, Palette Swap's most voluntary section. Last month, we looked at that dastardly criminal Mario escaping after committing yet another horrifying deed. This month, we're going to be looking at something even more horrifying - A promotional poster for Super Mario Bros. 2!
Man, they didn't even try to stay on-model for like any of these characters. Mario and Luigi both look terrible, especially in the face. They look like they're 57 and have been smoking cigarettes since they were 17. Also, like, I know that Toad has legs, but you never really think about the idea of Toad having prominently displayed legs. They're disturbing and I don't like them! The Princess looks the best by default, but even she looks bad.
Some of these details are weird. Like, I know Wart is a frog, but again, much like Toad, I don't want to see the frog features by so prominent. He looks gross, like he'd be scaly if I touched him! I like the fact that there are two different colors for Ninjis in this image and neither one of them are the correct color, very good, very nice. What happened to Mouser, guys? Why's he so scrunched? He's not supposed to be scrunched! Finally, there are the Shy Guys and, oh my, what happened to them!? They didn't even try to get the masks right! I mean, they got the Snifit mask right, but they didn't even bother to get the color or the face right for the Shy Guy and Beezo masks! Why? Was it that hard to stay on-model even a little bit! Honestly, most of these characters are all messed up, but I will say this. I like the tubby Shy Guy and Snifit running the relay!
As for the sports event itself, it seems disorganized and unsafe! Participants are just everywhere, doing all the events at once! I mean, look, Wart has already hit a poor Snifit with one of his javelins. Side note: I don't know where he's supposed to be aiming that javelin anyways considering the long jump start-up zone is behind the Snifit. So where is the marking station for the javelin throw? Also, the Beezo is carrying its javelin using its wings and that feels like cheating! That weird off-model Birdo is just firing eggs? They look like bubbles but they're probably supposed to be eggs. I'm not even sure if this is part of a competition, because the nearby Flurry looks worried, possibly because the eggs are coming right for him! Toad's about to throw a Mouser in what looks like the shot-put competition, which it seems disrespectful to just throw your competitors, but I guess that's how they do it in Subcon (maybe this is why they're never invited to the Olympics). Apparently Luigi also does not care for the safety of anybody, because he's about to land right on top of that sleeping Shy Guy. While yes, you shouldn't sleep in the middle of the field, still Luigi, don't be a dick! Have someone wake him up and than do it! Then there's Mario, who is running some sort of race but he's carrying a lit Bob-omb. Is this some sort of relay race? Does he have to pass the Bob-omb off to a teammate and the goal is to finish the race before it explodes? Because that sounds dangerous. Also the fat Snifit and fat Shy Guy aren't carrying Bob-ombs, so what is going on????? The only event that isn't about to seriously hurt someone is the long jump! But wait, oh my god, none of this matters! That rocket's out of control! It's about about to crash! Get out of there everybody; you're in terrible danger!!!
This is a very odd promotional poster. I don't like it and I don't think it represents Super Mario Bros. 2 very well either. All the characters look bad and the Olympics themselves confuse and scare me!
Waluigi Time Comic
Drawn by: Waluigi Time (talk)
Written by: MightyMario (talk)
"Walk the Dog" - Waluigi Time Comic
Panel 1
[Zerris is taking Murphy for a walk on the sidewalk outside of Waluigi Time's headquarters. Waluigi Time is standing outside the front door.]
WALUIGI TIME: Thanks so much for walking him for me!
Panel 2
[Murphy is running through the park chasing a Cat Goomba. Zerris is struggling to keep up with him.]
Panel 3
[Zerris is tangled up in Murphy's leash and tied to a lamp post.]
Panel 4
[Murphy is chasing a Cat Goomba again. Zerris is on the ground being dragged through the grass.]
Panel 5
[Zerris is being pulled into a warp pipe by the leash. Murphy is in the background next to another warp pipe.]
Panel 6
[Murphy is now in a fancy restaurant at a table with Cayde, reading the menu. Zerris looks on from another table with a dumbfounded expression.]
Panel 7
[Zerris and Murphy are in Waluigi Time's office. Zerris is visibly exhausted and his hair is messy, while Murphy looks happy.]
WALUIGI TIME: So, same time tomorrow?
The ? Panel
Panel 2: {The purple Yoshi finds whatever he ate yummy, making Yoshi excited. In the background, a mushroom dealer Pianta walks past.}
Panel 3: {Yoshi rushes forward to lash out his tongue to eat whatever the purple Yoshi found to be delicious. In the background, there is a hot-air balloon with Luigi's emblem on it.}
Panel 4: {After Yoshi ate the same thing that purple Yoshi ate, his face got all red and is simmering. In the background, the mushroom dealer Pianta caught fire in his supply of mushrooms, and the hot-air balloon caught fire and is descending.}
Panel 5: {Yoshi is fanning his mouth and repeated steps on the floor in panic while fire spewed from his mouth from the spiciness of the pepper. The purple Yoshi isn't fazed by the taste, due to not having the feeling of taste due to being a painting coming to life indicated by paint droplets on the floor, caused by Bowser Jr.'s Magic Paintbrush. The purple Yoshi is wobbling slightly. Bowser Jr. is laughing due to successfully pranking Yoshi. In the background, there is a yellow Pianta pushing the boat, and the hot-air balloon floating on the sea.}
{Bowser Jr. is also laughing at the same prank but for the painted-to-life yellow Yoshi who can eat the sour lemons without ill effect, while Red Yoshi's mouth is puckered due to being subjected by the lemon's sourness after eating it. The yellow Yoshi has paint droplets trailing behind him. In the background, the mushroom dealer Pianta continues to run in panic from the burning mushroom pile.}
Mixdown Breakdown
Hello and happy new 'Shroom Section!!! My name is Zange, and this is Mixdown Breakdown, a section where I get to talk about every little detail of songs! Everything from the instruments involved to the mixing is going to be picked apart by yours truly. Most of my musical / mixing knowledge may be self-taught but after doing this type of thing for nearly six years now I'm glad I found a way of putting it to unique use!
The first song we're covering is Mugen Climax by °C-ute! Long-time readers of The 'Shroom may remember when I talked about this song back in 2020, but we're taking a much more thorough look at this particular song to celebrate the fact that most of °C-ute's discography is FINALLY on Spotify and other music streaming services!!! Took 'em long enough…
We'll be splitting each song analysis into two parts: the instrumental, and the mixing. To start with, let's go over the instrumental. Breaking this song down to its most fundamental parts, the instruments that are primarily heard throughout are piano, violin, cello, various synths and electronic instruments, as well as some percussion. Using the website TuneBat, we can figure out some extra details about any song that may not be obvious to casual listeners. For example, with this website we know that this song is in the key of C# minor, and the beats per minute is 153.
Sharp-eared and well-listened classical music fans will notice within the first 20 seconds that this song samples the third movement of Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata. This song contains what I would consider the most masterful usage of sampling due to how it is incorporated into the song. You hear it in the interludes between verses of the song, and it combines piano (this part being the sample of Moonlight Sonata) and some extra violin with a pulsing synth beat. Honestly the whole song is just a perfect blend of classical and EDM genres. There are certainly parts where one genre stands out more than the other, such as the bridge with that GORGEOUS violin part, but for a majority of the song these two forces work together to create a very unique type of sound. The first time I listened to this song, I was just completely blown away by how it was unlike anything I had ever heard before.
Something I'd like to touch on before pivoting to the mixing is what you can hear in each ear. For the most part, this song keeps everything fairly in the center but there are some parts where certain instruments are more prominent on one side. Example: throughout much of the song, the cello is more prominent in the left ear, while the violin is more prominent on the right. Recently I was told by a friend that this reflects actual orchestral performance setups, which is very cool in its own right! Additionally, there is a moment after the first chorus where some synth percussion is almost phasing back and forth between ears, and a similar moment happens in the following verse with a different type of synth.
We now move on to the mixing. This is mainly we're I'll go into depth on any notable effects used on the vocals themselves, as well as some opinions on what I would maybe do differently. For the most part, there isn't too much notable regarding the mixing. Most of the draw of this song lies in the instrumental. There are, however, a few key mixing choices that add some depth. The first word of the second verse, scenario, has an autotune or similar robotic effect applied to it. This works especially nicely when you consider that there is a break at this part of the instrumental, ensuring that this one line really stands out.
The final chorus has some very interesting choices as well. The first line (mugen climax, saigo no yoru), has an echo applied to it that I don't believe is found elsewhere in the song. Additionally, the line "samishii" is recorded twice, with each take being panned completely to one side. I'm thinking there is also some kind of filter or other effect on those parts as well, but I'm not 100% certain. It's a bit hard to tell on this one if it just sounds cool because the vocals are hard-panned like that or if it's because something else is also playing a part. Either way I don't think I've EVER heard this done anywhere else, and it is partly because of how it's mixed that this is one of the most memorable lines in the song for me. I have made my attempt at recreating this section of the final chorus here, though it is by no means perfect.
There are only two things I think I would change about the mixing if I were the one in charge of it. First, the level of reverb. I was initially shocked when I realized that the reverb on the vocals is not that noticeable, but it makes sense if you think of it as a choice to align with the EDM aspect of the song. Personally, I would rather lean more into the orchestral side and use a larger level of reverb to match. Perhaps the Concert Dimensions preset of the Surround Reverb Effect in Adobe Audition. would be fitting. Second, vocal thickening. I spent a solid 15 minutes trying to figure out if the first verse of the song had some kind of vocal thickening effect applied to it. The conclusion I came to was either that it has none or it has it but at a VERY low level. I think I would try to boost it up a bit, but not to the point where it is obvious. Just a very subtle Chorus effect would suffice.
I hope you understand the inner workings of this song a little better now, and I'll see you next time!
Shmaluigi, Private Investigator
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk)
Light at the End of the Tunnel: Part 3
The next several days were rough. With Spiky Don's change of plans, I'd basically been left to sit around and wait. I already didn't do too well with that, but throw in the knowledge that my arch-nemesis was preparing for a freaking world domination scheme - and was apparently very close to enacting the final stages of it - needless to say I was a bit of an anxious wreck at the moment. Not much else I could do without inside information, though. I could keep trying to intercept Brando's men moving stuff out of their caches, but it's a big city. Finding where and when anything was happening would be a needle in a haystack search. Plus, I'd already destroyed Shmwario and Shmaisy's sleep schedules, and they weren't about to waste time on flimsy guesswork. Not that I could blame them.
Frankly, I was still reeling from the reveal that one of Brando's top men was secretly helping me through this whole thing.
Spending time alone with my own thoughts seemed like a quick way to go insane right about now, so I'd been spending most of my time over at Shmwario's place. If I was just going to be pacing back and forth all day, might as well do it with other people in the room, right?
"Bro, just plant somewhere already. You keep walkin' in front of the TV!" Shmwario barked from his seat on the couch.
"Oh, sorry. It's just, you know..." I turned to look at the TV to see just what he was watching. "Wait, this is just the commercial break."
"Yeah, I'm watchin' 'em!"
"You're not going to buy this. You don't even own a cat."
"Well, whatever. Just go be nervous somewhere that's not blockin' the TV, why don'tcha?"
Message received either way, so I started making progress on a new floor divot somewhere else.
"Still no word from your mystery man, I take it," Shmaisy commented from over at the kitchen table.
"Nope, nothing," I replied.
I hadn't been entirely upfront with Shmwario and Shmaisy about the whole conversation with Spiky Don yet. It's not that I didn't trust them - I trust my brother with my life, albeit somewhat begrudgingly, I'll admit, and I'd known Shmaisy long enough that she wasn't too far behind in that regard - but it was a highly sensitive situation. When you're dealing with a mole in the mafia - and I don't mean the actual mole - the less cooks in the kitchen, the better. Not like it was going to hurt anything, at the moment those two were just involved to be muscle anyway, and I think they were content keeping it that way.
"You need to take a breather," she said. "When was the last time you ate something?"
"Well how would you feel if your arch-nemesis was potentially mere days away from enacting a world domination plot?"
"Not much chance of that. Mine's apparently a dead museum curator. Anyway, you didn't answer the question."
She wasn't going to let me off the hook, was she? "Well... It's been a while."
I wasn't in the best condition at the moment, to be honest. I barely felt like eating anything, and, well, who could sleep? Obviously, I recognized that what I was doing to myself wasn't ideal. It was a mind over matter problem. Unfortunately, matter seemed to be winning at the moment.
"Why don't you just get out, get some fresh air and clear your mind. Pick up something to eat while you're out there, too. The only thing here that's not processed is the absurd amounts of garlic in the fridge."
"You're probably right," I admitted. "Not like things can get much worse."
I threw my hat and trenchcoat on to head out. Maybe I'd actually get something besides just a coffee from the Sipping Time Cafe for once.
I woke up that night sprawled across Shmwario's couch to the sound of my cellphone ringing. The lack of sleep must have finally caught up with me. I fumbled around with my pockets in a half-awake daze trying to remember exactly where I left my phone before I finally recovered it and answered the call.
"Hello?"
"Listen, we've got our break." The same garbled voice from before came out of the speaker. Even knowing that it was Spiky Don, I couldn't recognize him, which I suppose was the point. "The big man's had a sudden change in plans. A big part of the delivery is going out by ship. Probably trying to avoid too many eggs in one basket. Stop that ship and it'll be a catastrophic blow. You have an hour to get to the harbor. Good luck."
I must have still been half-asleep during the call, but I sure jolted awake as soon as he hung up. I had to double check my call history, mostly to make sure it was the right number, but also to confirm that I hadn't just dreamed the whole thing up...
Okay, good. No one was pulling a fast one on me, my subconscious included.
With that sorted, I ran down the hall and knocked on my brother's door. "I got the call, it's go time!"
I must've been supercharged by adrenaline now, and I wasn't really sure if he was taking a long time to respond or if I was just being very impatient. After a while, I heard some shifting around and he opened the door, standing there in his pajamas. "This better be good! I was gettin' used to sleepin' all night again," he grumbled.
"Wait, where's Shmaisy?"
"Huh? Oh, she went to sleep in the bathroom 'cause you took her spot on the couch."
The bathroom? You'd have to be a brave soul to sleep in there.
I went into Shmwario's bathroom, and sure enough, found that Shmaisy had made a makeshift bed in the bathtub with pillows and blankets. I felt a little bad for unknowingly taking her spot, but right now, I was too caught up in the moment to think about it much.
"Shmaisy?" I said, trying to wake her up. She didn't react, so I tapped her on the shoulder, causing her to jolt upright. The sudden movement made me jump back a bit.
"HI I'M SHMAISY! Who? What? Where? Huh?"
I decided to just... ignore that. "Alright people, put on your trenchcoats, we're going to the harbor!"
With everyone more or less awake, we hightailed it to the harbor with plenty of time to spare. I wasn't going to mess up this one... probably. Our plan, truth be told, left something to be desired. I figured with the amount of equipment Brando was having shipped, we'd be able to just beat up all the mooks and then use something on board to sink the vessel. And if that assumption turned out to be wrong, we brought along a really big hammer.
Yeah, not the most foolproof plan. But it was the middle of the night, and we were working on a major time crunch here.
"So... How much time we got?" Shmwario asked.
"About 30 minutes," I said, looking at my car's clock.
"Ugh... You got here way too early! Now how are we gonna kill all that time?" he complained.
"I know what I'm going to do, I'm going to sleep," Shmaisy said. "Wake me up when it's time."
"Hey, wake up, we have to be there in five minutes," I said.
"Why do we gotta leave now? You should've parked closer," Shmwario complained.
"Well, then they might have seen us."
"I guess..."
We got out of the car and walked the rest of the way to the harbor, and found it... dead? No signs of activity whatsoever, just a whole lot of shipping containers waiting to be sent out at some point. None of them looked particularly suspicious, not that they usually do, to be fair. But for an operation like this, surely there had to be someone here?
"Huh? Where's all the mafia chumps?" Shmwario asked.
"I'm... not sure," I replied.
"Are you sure this is the right harbor?" Shmaisy asked.
"There's only one in New Wikisburg, it couldn't have been anywhere else," I replied. "Come on, let's look around."
We took only a few steps into the maze of shipping containers before a bunch of mafia fiends emerged, surrounding us from all directions. Ah, now things made sense. We must have made too big of an impression on the other jobs.
The first one of them to step forward and run his mouth was a Craw who I was all too familiar with. "'Eyy, look who it is, Shmaluigi and his shmucks! Heheheh!"
"You said it, Crawford," added Sledger, the Sledge Bro who was a frequent companion of his. "C'mon boys, let's make 'em taste some real pain!"
"You're gonna regret gettin' in da boss' hair, y'hear me? Time for some revenge!" Crawford exclaimed.
"What? You've gotta be kiddin'," Shmwario chuckled. "A little pipsqueak like you? Really?"
"Oh, now you did it! I'm gonna make you eat dose word- ACK!"
For all his talk, one punch to the nose from Shmwario was enough to take Crawford down for the count. These two were never that competent... The only advantage they had right now was sheer numbers. But their presence struck me as odd. This job seemed very important, and Brando would trust it to these clowns? No sight of Spiky Don or the Bone Crusher, or anyone I would recognize and describe as someone who knows what they're doing, really.
"I'll take the big one, you guys mop up some of these other chumps for now!" Shmwario commanded before rushing the Sledge Bro. Shmaisy and I didn't have to be told twice - especially since the rest of these ne'er-do-wells were coming straight for us.
The fight was over pretty quickly, and very one-sided. After Shmwario dealt with Sledger, which didn't take long, he joined us in mopping up the rest of these unfortunate souls. Even I managed to do pretty well with my bare gloved fists. Would've been a good fight for cartoony sound effects, I'll say that much.
"We sure showed those chumps!" Shmwario exclaimed.
"This isn't right," I said, looking around at our unconscious foes. "This was supposed to be a big operation, and Brando already knew we were intercepting his other jobs. Even if he didn't, this would be the thing you want good muscle for to make sure there's no slip-ups. And this is what he sends? There's Goombas here!"
"Yeah, now that you mention it," Shmwario said, his hand to his chin in thought. A rare sight. "And where are those containers they were supposed to be movin' onto the ship, anyway?"
"For that matter, where's the ship?" Shmaisy added.
I turned to look at the open harbor for the first time, and found it totally empty. There was no ship. There was nothing to put on the ship. And there were no mafians capable of ensuring the stuff went on the ship.
"We were set up," I said. A horrible realization, with even worse implications.
"What, your mystery man was a phony?" Shmwario asked.
"But that doesn't make sense," Shmaisy replied. "Everything else they gave Shmaluigi was spot-on. Why turn on us now?"
"Unless he was fed bad intel," I said. A sudden betrayal didn't seem likely, especially after the conversation we had at our last meeting. But the only reason I could think of for someone essentially tasked with managing the operation getting bad intel was... rather nefarious. I feared that by coming to the harbor, we had only sealed Spiky Don's fate. I didn't dare to call him and try to find out.
What's worse, by ensuring we were here, Brando could be doing anything just about anywhere else. Kill two birds with one stone - weed out a mole and keep us out of the way.
Then it clicked.
"Remember what Spiky Don said the other night, about moving the equipment to the trainyard? We need to go there. Now."
"But the closest one to Raccoon Street's been abandoned since, uh, just about forever," Shmwario said.
"Perfect cover for mafia activity!" I said, beginning to dash back to the car.
I barely gave the others time to hop in before I sped off in the direction of the trainyard. I was thankful that all these operations happened so late at night, at least - it gave me the opportunity to bend speed limits and traffic laws with less potential repercussions than usual. I wasn't going full kart race or anything, although I was tempted, but you wouldn't see me driving like this without a great sense of urgency otherwise. It's times like these I wished I had lights and sirens.
I also was half expecting to be completely wrong about what was going on, and that I was about to come peeling into the trainyard only to be staring down the barrel of Brando's toughest men guarding the goods. But that was a bridge to cross later, hopefully never.
After what seemed like forever, I pulled into the trainyard without incident and slammed on the brakes.
"Yeesh, good thing I was wearing my seatbelt," Shmaisy quipped.
The good news? No mafians in sight, and there was still a train here. The bad news? It was moving.
I shut the car off and flung out the door so fast I wouldn't be surprised if I knocked it right off its hinges, then made a mad dash for the train as it got up to speed. Freakishly long legs, do not fail me now.
Thankfully, I was able to get close enough that a generous leap let me barely grab onto the back of the caboose and pull myself up. I turned back around to see Shmaisy trying to catch up with the train, and Shmwario, well... He's not the best at covering a lot of ground in a short amount of time. I tried to reach out to grab her hand, but the train was getting too fast and increasing the gap by the second.
"Hang on, I'll throw you!" Shmwario shouted.
"Do not try to throw me!" Shmaisy yelled back.
"It's fine!" I hollered at them. "We'll catch up later, somehow!"
As I watched them grow smaller and eventually disappear from sight, I contemplated the pickle I'd gotten myself into. Being all alone on what I could now only hope was Brando's delivery train was not part of my plan. Having no plan whatsoever was also not part of that plan. But the trip to Dark Land would certainly be long enough to come up with something, hopefully. I just had to lay low back here for a while. In the meantime, I peeked in through the windows of the caboose to confirm where I was. There were a lot of crates in there that looked a whole lot like the ones they've been messing with this whole time, so I was pretty sure this was exactly what I thought. Thankfully, no one was peeking back at me.
Whatever the plan was, I could immediately eliminate spending much time inside the train. No doubt there were some very dangerous baddies in here that, thanks to the contents of this shipment, could arm themselves to the teeth at a moment's notice if they weren't already. Plus, Monty Brando himself, undoubtedly. The roof, on the other hand, was the place to be if I needed to get anywhere, and I would definitely be needing to get somewhere.
Here was the other problem. The contents of this train are highly volatile, and if things went south, I wouldn't put it past Brando to jump ship and detonate the entire thing out of spite. If that happened while we were still in the city, the results would be catastrophic. Now, since this rail ran to Dark Land, it should be passing through desert at some point. That would be the time to make my move.
Now I just had to figure out what that move was. I had to stop Brando from getting all this weaponry to Bowser at all costs, so... I don't know, get to the engine and turn it around? Of course, that would mean contending with potentially everyone on the train, which I wasn't equipped for. Unfortunately, I was just a humble private investigator and not a spy or anything cool like that who could do something way more interesting with this. Probably way more effective, too. But sitting around doing nothing wasn't an option anymore.
Being alone with my thoughts in a situation like this was just about one of the worst ways to kill time. I wouldn't have minded if I came up with a better plan in that time, but it wasn't the case, unfortunately. Civilization was becoming a lot more sparse, and the terrain was looking quite a bit more sandy. We'd hit the deserts, and it was time for me to make my move, like it or not.
I perilously climbed up on top of the caboose, figuring I could pretty easily make it across all of these boxcars and then also perilously climb down into the engine. Lots of opportunity for something to go wrong there, but you know how it is. Once I got up there, I started running and jumping across the boxcars, hoping to make a clean break for the front of the train.
But things can never be that easy, can they?
As I progressed ahead, a hatch opened on the roof of one of the cars ahead, and out came the Bone Crusher. Great, just who I didn't want to see. This would be the first one-on-one fight I had with this monstrosity, and I've faced less threatening foes than him who still had me woefully outmatched. Considering he was just a head now and the rest of him was a hulking mecha suit, I'm probably the bonier one here... That thing looked a little worse for wear, considering it had recently been clobbered by a truck, but it still seemed fully functional, unfortunately. And we'd be fighting on top of a speeding train, with very little room to dodge - not to mention he could just force me all the way back to the caboose.
"You probably can't be reasoned with, can you?" I asked.
In response, the Bone Crusher let out a shrill holler. I'll take that as a no.
The skeletal beast immediately went on the offensive, launching his right hand directly towards my head and forcing me to duck, quickly following with his left hand, forcing me to roll just enough out of the way to not get clobbered, but not so much that I went flying off the side of the train. A rather tricky balancing act. I quickly got back on my feet as he retracted his spring-loaded arms for another attack, and used the opportunity to increase the distance between us a bit. The way I saw it, I had two advantages in this fight - speed and working mental faculties. He had... well, everything else.
Actually, working mental faculties might be debatable, I left my crowbar in the car by mistake... Taking a quick inventory of my pockets, I realized I really had nothing to properly fight him with. Sure, a tossed cellphone might be enough to knock over your garden variety Dry Bones, but this was a big fellow, and they do not go down easy. If I could knock his skull loose, then I could just shove his suit off the side and be done with it.
You know what? What have I got to lose? I pulled my cellphone from my pocket and chucked it at the Bone Crusher. He tried to punch it out of the air, but that reaction time of his was just too slow, and it went right into his left eye socket and... did nothing. I watched as it fell down into his mouth and he spit it out back at me, flying past my head and landing in the desert sands, most likely never to be recovered.
Well, I wasn't getting service out here anyway.
With that plan down the drain, I went back to dodging the Bone Crusher's springy punches while being forced back, moving as slowly as possible to buy whatever little time I had to work with. Maybe once we got to the end I could drop down and pull some acrobatic move on him, or something? Then it hit me.
Yeah, I was too slow to dodge that one punch and got knocked down on my back. That thing hurts, yowch! I don't know if I'd prefer the giant femur he used to carry around. But, more importantly, I saw a tunnel coming up ahead! All I had to do was stall long enough to not get beaten to a pulp until he got clobbered by a whole mountain, and hope he wouldn't notice. I stayed down on my back, pushing myself backwards to keep distance, before I was forced back up by the end of that boxcar. With how fast this train was moving, that tunnel could not have been approaching any slower, goodness gracious.
Finally, the engine went into the tunnel, meaning the rest would not be far behind. Just in time, too - despite my best efforts, the Bone Crusher had forced me all the way back to the caboose. As the end of the train followed suit, I quickly dropped down just before the Bone Crusher collided with the mountainside, sending him flying over my head and off into the desert with an awful howl. I couldn't help but smile that I had bested the skeleton, while also having to acknowledge that it was entirely dumb luck. One threat down.
After passing back out into the desert moonlight, I got back up and headed for the engine again, hoping not to attract any other enemies this time. Thankfully, it seemed to have worked. Now I just had to figure out how to get in there without ending up sprawled on the sand instead.
"So, I see you bested the Bone Crusher. Again." I spun around and found myself face-to-face with my arch-nemesis Monty Brando, flanked by his robotic assassin IG-11. "I suppose you have the advantage of a brain, as low-functioning as it may be, seeing as how you continue to think you can stop me."
"Brando... You're not going to get away with this one."
The treacherous Monty Mole snickered at my comment. "I suppose you've figured out the details of my plan already, seeing as we once shared a... mutual acquaintance," he said, producing the damaged remains of a Koopatrol helmet and letting it fall to the train car's roof. "What a pity that fool thought he could betray me and escape the consequences. I had my suspicions that there was a leak when your little gang kept conveniently happening onto my operations night after night. And all I had to do to figure it out for sure was set up a fake job at the harbor and send some of my expendable followers. And sure enough, you arrived at the exact time I told Spiky Don it would commence. I have to thank you, Shmaluigi. I would never have rooted him out without you."
I knew he was trying to get under my skin by crediting it to me, but despite that, it was working. "His death won't be in vain, Brando. You're not getting this stuff to Bowser."
"So sure of ourselves, aren't we?" he said, chuckling once more. "I must admit, I'll almost miss our little cat-and-mouse games, Shmaluigi. Once I have control over both the Koopa Troop and the little kingdom you call home, pests like you will be nothing more than pathetic bugs to be squashed on sight. It's almost a pity you won't be alive to see it. IG, terminate him."
"Affirmative."
I may have had the speed advantage against the Bone Crusher, but my reaction time wasn't fast enough to dodge Brando's assassin raising his laser blaster - or the searing pain in my chest that followed.
No. Not this time.
"I'm taking you down, Brando, if it's the last thing I do."
The mole's expression changed from smug for the first time in the conversation to one of disbelief and frustration. "What are you waiting for? Keep shooting!"
This was it. No mess-ups now. Only one way forward.
I lunged at IG-11 through his continuing volley of blaster fire and managed to grapple the mechanical menace, prying his firing arm in one direction in particular.
"STOP FIRING!"
Brando's command came just a little bit too late - I was able to point his blaster at one of the boxcars, and-
KA-BOOM!
To be continued...
Sport Report: The Movie
Written by: ClawgripFan9001 (talk)
World 3: The Pipe Menace - Part 2 After wandering across the pipes for a little while, the heroes came across another Warp Pipe they could enter. As they were about to enter it, however, they were suddenly startled by a noise coming from the pipe.
"Whoa! What the heck was that?" Diddy Kong wondered out loud.
"Yar, I dunno, laddie, but ye can bet we ain't gonna like it." ClawgripFan9001 replied before Cractus from Wario Land 4 proceeded to emerge from the pipe, grinning menacingly at the heroes while snapping its jaws at them.
The heroes jumped at the sight of Cractus emerging from the pipe. "Hei-ho! It's that strange plant thing that Wario fought during his adventure in the Golden Pyramid!" Winston exclaimed in horror.
"Yar, then ye know what ta do, laddie; Let's take down this botanic beast!" ClawgripFan9001 declared as the heroes, alongside Cractus were beamed away to outer space for a Spacewalk event.
A group of Lumas was floating through space, with Cractus spotting them as it proceeded to spit saliva bubbles at the Lumas, who proceeded to dodge them before fleeing from Cractus, flying over to ClawgripFan9001, Winston, Morton and Roy who were watching the ordeal play out from a nearby planet. The Lumas proceeded to ask the heroes for their help in defeating Cractus before transforming into Launch Stars, after which the heroes hopped into them and shot off into space, ready to battle Cractus.
The heroes then flew through space, towards the planet Cractus was standing on before each of the heroes proceeded to pull out a weapon to attack Cractus, since the plant monster was too prickly to defeat through physical interaction. ClawgripFan9001 used his cutlass, Winston used his slingshot, Morton used a magic hammer and Roy used a portable Bullet Bill Blaster. The heroes then landed their hits on Cractus, with the plant monster exclaiming as it was hit before growling a bit, angrily snapping its jaws at the heroes.
After Cractus' health was halfway depleted, the pot it was standing in proceeded to shatter, revealing its ghostly tail. Cractus then began floating off the planet it previously stood on, angrily snapping its jaws at the heroes once more before spitting saliva bubbles at them.
"Heads up, guys! It's starting to counterattack us now!" Morton warned the other heroes.
"Ye don't 'ave ta tell me twice, lad! Run evasive maneuvers an' continue ta fell that beast 'till it can't take no more!" ClawgripFan9001 replied as the heroes began to do just that and continued to repeat the attack process until Cractus' health was fully depleted, after which Cractus let out an agonized roar before exploding into a cloud of purple dust. The heroes cheered and pumped their fists in euphoria before being beamed back to Pipe Skyway, sitting in the walker mech again.
"Ha! Go spit on that!" Roy grinned as he folded his arms in front of his chest while crossing his legs.
"Yeah, that oughta teach him!" Morton chimed in with a grin of his own, pounding his fists together.
"We sure did a good job back there, guys! Now let's continue on with our trek through this land of pipes!" Winston chimed in.
"Aye, let's try an' reach the next stronghold where this Commander Lilian Day Zellon likely be waitin' fer us." ClawgripFan9001 nodded his agreement as the heroes proceeded to head through the pipe, continuing their trek through Pipe Skyway.
After traveling through Pipe Skyway for another while, the heroes proceeded to run into a pair of Zellon Troopers who were in the middle of a conversation with one another.
"Y'know, do you think we'll ever get rich doing General Zellon's dirty work for him?" One of the Zellon Troopers asked his colleague with a curious tilt of his head, giving him a long look.
The other Zellon Trooper proceeded to shrug in response. "I dunno, man. They pay us like five Zellon Coins a day for our labor, and in our economy, you can buy like 30 pounds of food for money like that. And if you have about twenty Zellon Coins, you could have pretty much the best night of your life. I think that pretty much speaks for itself."
The first Zellon Trooper then looked annoyed. "Well, I find that bupkis. I once spent about fifty Zellon Coins in one night, and I never really had the best night of my life." He responded to his colleague.
"Guess it all depends on how you spend your money in that case." His colleague shrugged once more before spotting the heroes. "Yikes! The heroes that Commander Lilian warned us about have come!" He exclaimed, after which the other Zellon Trooper turned towards the heroes as well and jumped in shock.
"I'm guessing we ain't gonna be able to pass by you guys peacefully?" Funky Kong asked the Zellon Troopers with a sheepish grin.
"Darn right you don't! If you wanna pass by us, you'll have to beat us in a Beach Volleyball match!" One of the Zellon Troopers exclaimed.
"How about the two of us team up for this match, Funky? With my technique and your brawn, we'll have those suckers beat in nothing flat!" Larry suggested to Funky Kong with a grin.
"Sounds like a plan to me, Larry! Let's do this!" Funky Kong grinned back as the heroes were beamed off to the Beach Volleyball field where the match was going to take place. It was Funky Kong and Larry Koopa against the two Zellon Troopers in a Beach Volleyball match. Larry was serving for the first half of the match, and he proceeded to hit the volleyball across the net, after which one of the Zellon Troopers hit it back to the other side, after which Funky Kong punted the ball back to the other side of the net again, and this went back and forth until Larry and Funky Kong managed to score the first point. The set amount of points for the match was 5 points, which Larry and Funky Kong soon managed to reach and win the match as a result. The two Zellon Troopers disappeared into puffs of smoke due to having been defeated as a result of losing the match, and the heroes were beamed back to Pipe Skyway, situated inside the walker mech once again.
"Alright, we did it! We cleared the way for us to continue on to the next of General Zellon's strongholds!" Larry grinned as he pumped his fist in euphoria.
"We sure did, Larry! Now let's continue on with our journey!" Funky Kong grinned as he similarly pumped his fist in euphoria before pointing his index finger forward, after which Iggy began to steer the mech forward once more.
After another while of traveling in their walker mech, the heroes came across a fork in the road. There was a detour sign with an arrow pointing downward and an arrow pointing forward. "Looks like the road splits here, guys. One of these pipes appears to go down, while the other goes straight ahead. Which route do we take?" Iggy asked the others, turning to look at them.
Donkey Kong let out an inquisitive hum as he thought the situation over. "My gut's saying we should go down. It'll be the safest route." He gave his ten cents on the matter.
Diddy Kong nodded in agreement with Donkey Kong's statement. "I agree, my conk's saying we should go down as well." The chimpanzee spoke up as well.
"I'm going with Donkey and Diddy on this one. We should take the pipe going down." Dixie nodded as well.
"No protest in what these three are saying, let's head on down!" Funky Kong grinned and gave two thumbs up. "Yar, do ev'ryone be in agreement we should take the pipe goin' down?" ClawgripFan9001 then asked everyone, after which they proceeded to gesture "yes".
"Aye, then let's 'ead on down!" ClawgripFan9001 nodded as Iggy proceeded to take the walker mech through the pipe, traveling down it in the process. Coming out of the other end of the pipe, the mech dropped from a small height before landing safely on the ground. Soon, the heroes found a pair of Zellon Swordsmen armed with lances along with the Zellon Armed Forces' equivalent to Shy Guys; Meek Girls. Of said Meek Girls, there was a lone one posted alongside the two Zellon Swordsmen.
"Oh no, the heroes are here! What do we do?" The Meek Girl asked the two Zellon Swordsmen in a worried tone of voice.
"We stand our ground, soldier! Commander Lilian Day Zellon ordered us to, and we are to not disobey her orders!" One of the Zellon Swordsmen replied, to which the Meek Girl nodded and the three of them confronted the heroes.
"Do not move, heroes! Commander Lilian Day Zellon has said that your type isn't allowed around here, so this will be the end of the line for you!" The other Zellon Swordsman told the heroes, pointing his lance at them.
"Is there any way for us to get you to allow us to pass?" Winston asked their opponents with a curious tilt of his head, giving them a long look.
"There is. If you manage to beat us in a Hockey match, you shall be allowed to pass. But should you lose, you'll be removed from the Dark Lands with no opportunity to return here. Do you accept?" The first Zellon Swordsman asked the heroes.
Winston nodded at this. "Yeah, we do accept. Lemmy, Wendy. Do you think you two can take these guys on?" He asked the two Koopalings, turning towards them.
"If you can be our goalie for the match, then sure, we can, Winston!" Lemmy beamed at the White Shy Guy with a smile.
"Of course I can be your goalie for the match. Now let's play!" Winston spoke before the heroes were beamed away to the stadium where the Hockey match was going to take place. Lemmy and Wendy were the attackers for the heroes team while Winston acted as their goalie. On their opponents' side, the two Zellon Swordsmen were the attackers with the Meek Girl acting as their goalie.
The heroes then proceeded to face off against the villains, trying to score more points than them. Playing a fierce game of hockey, the Zellon Swordsmen and the Meek Girl proved to be a bit more challenging compared to previous opponents the heroes had faced, but nonetheless, the heroes managed to emerge victorious in the game of Hockey, after which the Zellon Swordsmen and the Meek Girl disappeared into puffs of smoke. With their opponents defeated, the heroes were taken back to Pipe Skyway and put back into their walker mech.
"Well, that was no fuss whatsoever." Wendy smiled as she clapped her hands for the heroes' victory in the Hockey match.
Lemmy giggled and nodded in agreement. "Yeah, that was a victory well earned, if I do say so myself!" He agreed.
"It sure was, guys! Now let's move on, 'cause we still have a ways to go before we can reach the next of General Zellon's strongholds and face this Commander Lilian Day Zellon these troops are speaking of." Winston replied as Iggy began steering the walker mech forward once again.
And here we are with the first edition of Sport Report: The Movie of 2025! After taking a break for the holiday season last month, my Mariosona and Company are back into the swing of things by venturing deeper into Pipe Skyway, the third of General Zellon's Dark Lands whilst knocking down the malicious general's troops a couple of pegs! Just as last time we saw my Mariosona and Company, there was plenty of effort put into the rescue operation by the majority of the other Koopalings in this issue after the Koopalings were freed by the heroes in World 2! As I mentioned, the Koopalings are amongst my favorite characters in the Mario franchise, and seeing as Bowser and the Koopa Troop are taking on more of a protagonist role in this story, it only made sense to me to put the Koopalings into a protagonist role as well! But that's about all I got to say here for this month! Join me again for The 'Shroom's March issue, and then we'll (most likely) see the heroes reach the Zellon Army's Pipe Menace stronghold and clash with Commander Lilian Day Zellon!
Random Video Analysis
| Video by: | jimmy2296 |
|---|---|
| Publish date: | July 11, 2019 |
| Views: | 16,559,153 (as of December 22, 2024) |
| Likes: | 868K (as of December 22, 2024) |
| Type: | Comedy |
Hi everyone, and welcome back to Random Video Analysis, where I choose a random YouTube video and casually talk about it! The last (and first) one I did was way back in June 2024 for Creative Solution. This one isn't about ponies this time. Sadly…
Today's video is of a brief 20-second clip titled give me the ball papa. If you aren't able to watch the video, I wrote a transcript describing the events that take place in the video.
What's it about?
Hammer Bro, Koopa Troopa, Bowser and Bowser Jr. all take part in the Sort of Fun minigame from Super Mario Party. They are at the baseball, volleyball, soccer ball (or football) and Basketball containers respectively. When the minigame starts, Bowser catches a falling baseball and holds it. Koopa Troopa and Bowser Jr. hold out their arms to try to receive it, but Bowser only turns slightly to his son and not all the way. Eventually, he drops the baseball tin his container, subtracting a point for the team, much to everyone's shock. The camera zooms in on the characters randomly, especially for the father and son duo.
Interesting observations
I had discovered this video back when it first released and found it funny. I remember it having a lot of popularity back then and it still does today!
The goal of the minigame is to pass the sports balls to the right teammates so they can get points for the team. Putting a ball in the incorrect container will cost a point. To pass the balls to the others, you have to fully tilt the joystick to them all the way. You can get slight motions on the characters if you tilt lightly, which is how the characters moved the way they did in the video.
The funny thing is, Bowser Jr. was not the one that was meant to receive the baseball! It was supposed to be Hammer Bro!
Transcript
Announcer: Start!
{A baseball falls into Bowser's hands. The Koopa Troopa extends his arms towards Bowser's direction to receive the baseball, but the Koopa King does nothing. Bowser Jr. then slightly turns to face his father, and the screen zooms in on him as he does so.}
{Cut to Bowser who slightly turns to face his son. He almost rotates to face him. Cut to Bowser Jr. who is now reaching out to obtain the baseball, but he is unable to do so because Bowser isn't fully facing him. Cut to Bowser and Koopa Troopa, the latter still holding out his hands, and the former still almost fully turned to his son.}
{Cut to Bowser Jr. Bowser is still in view, now reset to his initial position. Bowser Jr. turns to face the screen as if to say "You've gotta be kidding me." He then rotates to face his father once more, extending his arms out again.}
{Cut to the soccer ball (or football) container, which Bowser drops the baseball into. The camera then quickly cuts to show the disappointed expressions of Hammer Bro and Koopa Troopa before the video abruptly ends.}
| The 'Shroom: Issue 214 | |
|---|---|
| Staff sections | Staff Notes • The 'Shroom Spotlight • Poochy's Picks • Directorial Address • Credits |
| Features | Fake News • Fun Stuff • Palette Swap • Pipe Plaza • Critic Corner • Strategy Wing |
