The 'Shroom:Issue 216/Palette Swap
Director's Notes
The seasons may be changing, but we're still here- welcome back to The 'Shroom!
I've been stuck still on Pokemon Legends Arceus, but at least I've been getting through my TBR pile of books as well. As I'm writing this, we're about a week out from Xenoblade Chronicles X and I'm getting hyped for that. I'm ready for the Legends ZA, now that we've gotten another look at it, and before you know it, the Switch 2 direct will be upon us. There's so much to look forward to!
We'll be missing one of our comics for a couple months- Waluigi Time (talk) is taking a brain break for a little while. Don't worry, he'll be back! We've got a packed issue for you this month, so I won't hold you up here!
Happy reading! ~FunkyK38
Section of the Month
February's Section of the Month is here! This month in first we have The ? Panel, written and drawn by winstein (talk)! Following are Waluigi Time (talk)'s two sections: Waluigi Time Comic in second and Shmaluigi, Private Investigator in third. Congratulations to our winners! Thank you to our voters! See you all here next month!
| PALETTE SWAP SECTION OF THE MONTH | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Place | Section | Votes | % | Writer |
| 1st | The ? Panel | 19 | 38.00% | winstein (talk) |
| 2nd | Waluigi Time Comic | 10 | 20.00% | Waluigi Time (talk) |
| 3rd | Shmaluigi, Private Investigator | 9 | 18.00% | Waluigi Time (talk) |
Random Image of the Month
Hello and welcome back to Random Image of the Month, The Shroom's most voluntary segment! After a brief one-month break due to Intellivision-fueled burnout, we're back! This month, we won't be looking at horrifying box art from the Donkey Kong Jr. Intellivision port; instead, we'll be looking a piece of artwork from one of my all-time favorite Mario games and my all-time favorite Mario RPG, Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars
So right off the bat, I've always loved the Super Mario RPG artstyle. That pseudo-3D look that, in my opinion, looks like claymation is probably my favorite Mario artstyle! This rendition of Mario and co. facing off against Bowyer (great name) really captures how the art style looked in the game. I also really like the commitment to having the enemies be based off weapons. Look at those dopey Aeros hopping after Mario! They're so good! Although, that's not optimal arrow usage, Bowyer! You're supposed to shoot arrows at your enemy, not let them hop towards them. You're not getting the extra velocity and force of impact this way, you dumb idiot bow!
One thing that's weird about this image is that the washed-out portion makes it look like the sun is shining through the trees. While that's neat and all, it doesn't really fit the tone of the in-game fight since Bowyer was assaulting Rose Town, objectively speaking, at night. And the Forest Maze where Bowyer was operating out of is supposed to be incredibly deep forest, so light shining through doesn't fit the context of the moment, damn it!
As for our heroes, Mario, in the context of this image, is nuts. We've got Mario leaping into action with a determined look on his face, but, uh, he's going the wrong way... so it appears that he's gallantly running away from the terror that is Bowyer. It's, like, Mario, you're the hero! Stop running away! Turn around and kick that bow's ass! Next, we have Mallow, who is just shocked. But again, based on the way he's turned, he's looking at Mario. So I guess he's not shocked by this weird-ass living bow and his arrow flunkies; instead, he's shocked that legendary hero Mario is turning tail and running away. Which, honestly? Same, Mallow! While we can't see Geno's (♡♪!? In formal settings) face, he appears to be the only one acting like a hero, because, based on his hand, it looks like he's about to just blow these fuckers away with his gun hand! That's right, Geno is going to do something about this because Geno is the hero we deserve! Please Nintendo, put Geno in Smash!
I love these old artworks because you get a lot of cool stuff based on things that actually happen in the games, and you just get a lot more artwork in general. Artwork like this really falls by the wayside in the modern era, especially in the Wii/Wii U era where a lot of the art is just generic character poses and happy-go-lucky group shots. Like, there's nothing from games like New Super Mario Bros. U or Super Mario Galaxy comparable to this in-game moment. There is just no interesting artwork, which sucks because the 80s and 90s are full of just different artwork to represent so many different things. Luckily, it seems that it's starting to turn back, because Super Mario Odyssey has a lot of neat artwork of Mario adventuring through the different kingdoms. So hopefully Nintendo continues to see the value in unique promotional artwork and gives us more things like this.
The ? Panel
{Mario presents Baby Mario with a mobile with Mario items like coins, Super Mushroom, Fire Flower, Ice Flower, Mini Mushroom, Super Bell, and Power Moon. Baby Mario leaps into the air and swings his arms happily.}
{While Mario is playing blocks with Baby Mario, Mario takes out his phone from his pocket and answer the call}
{Mario meets up with a relative (who appears on the Mario Motors concept art by Yoot Saito) where he presented a convertible with Mario's emblem and moustache. Mario holds Baby Mario's hand, and calls Luigi.}
{Mario, wearing sunglasses, is driving his new convertible, while Baby Mario plays with Mario's phone behind him. Luigi holds a mobile while Baby Luigi plays with it behind him.}
Caption: The brothers parked the new motorcar near the cinema to watch a film. A movie called "MAnatee RIders Of MOnstrously BIzarre LEgends" is playing soon, and the family don't want to miss it!
{Mario, Luigi, Baby Mario, and Baby Luigi walks through a cinema corridor. Mario is holding popcorn, while Luigi is holding drinks. A poster titled "Manatee Riders of Monstrously Bizarre Legends" is next to them.}
Mixdown Breakdown
Hello and welcome back to another edition of Mixdown Breakdown! Today I bring you a song that, for better or worse, has been a considerable earworm for me in the last few months! I blame the bars I've been to always playing it since it came out… Today, we're breaking down APT. by Rosé and Bruno Mars!
As always, every song analysis will be broken down into two parts: the instrumental and the mixing. To start off, we will be analyzing the instrumental. Breaking this song down into its most fundamental parts, the most prominent instruments are drums, electric guitar, and synth. However, you can hear brass instruments at a few parts - my gut says these are a tuba and a trumpet. Listening to just the instrumental on its own, there are parts that feel incredibly barebones - like it was meant to have vocals there to help fill in the blanks. The instrumental fills in more as the song goes on, so this is really only a glaring issue up until the start of the second verse. Using TuneBat, we know that the BPM is 149, and the key is C minor.
If you were either alive in the 1980's or just listen to a lot of 80's music in general, there's a good chance you'll recognize the beat being played at the beginning of the song. That's because it's an interpolation of the beat you hear at the beginning of Mickey by Toni Basil. I'd actually like to take this time to talk about interpolation in a little more detail and how it differs from sampling - they're similar, but there's key differences. Samples are bits of songs taken directly from other recordings. There are these things called sample packs - these are basically just a bunch of audio files of different sounds that music producers can license for use in their own songs. Samples can be pulled from other songs, too, but that involves jumping through SEVERAL legal hoops. Interpolation, however, is simply taking a melody or beat or something else from one song and writing it directly into your new song. This way, the only legal hoop you have to jump through is just getting the okay from the songwriter(s) of whatever you're wanting to use as an interpolation. MANY songs do this - If I Was a Rich Girl and Gangsta's Paradise being two very well-known examples - so it's becoming more and more common to see compilation videos of songs that feature interpolations.
Moving onto the mixing, there's actually more here than I initially thought there would be at first - this is why acapellas are important, kids. Before I talk specifics in this song, I want to go over a vocal effect I call doubling. To achieve this effect, you must first record a given line of a song twice. One copy will be your 'main' vocal, the other copy will be different. The effects to put on this copy of the line are up to mixer preference, but I prefer putting on a vocal thickener effect and then making it a bit quieter than your main vocal. This is an extremely common effect found throughout Kpop, and since this song is Kpop-adjacent (being sung by a soloist who started out in Blackpink), it's found here as well. It's found in the chorus chant (APT, APT, uh-huh uh-huh), it's found in the 'uh-huh's during the verses. and it's found in the second part of each line of Rosé's verse. Going onto Bruno's verse, the first segment of it has a backing vocal (whateva, whateva, whateva) with it that seems to have a bit of extra reverb on it. Or at the very least it feels a little more echoey than the main vocal.
Fast forward to Rosé's speaking part in the bridge, there is a slight echo or delay effect applied here. This effect continues in the "hold on, I'm on my way" parts of the bridge as well. Going onto the final chorus, this is easily the most interesting and complex part of the song. On top of the doubles on the chanting mentioned earlier, we have some extra backing vocals found here. The most prominent of these is a layer of shouts on top of the chants; this is something you'd likely catch on your first overall listen to the song. While listening to the acapella, it is easy to pick out three more sets of backing vocals: Bruno Mars, in the background, riffing and harmonizing with himself. I honestly didn't even realize this was here until listening to the acapella, and I am VERY glad I know it exists now. I have made my attempt at recreating this last leg of the song here, though it is by no means perfect.
As for things I would change in the mixing… I really don't think I have any this time. Part of the appeal of this song for me is that it manages to build on itself in both the instrumental and the mixing, and there really isn't much, if anything, I could add to it. Subtracting something would be a crime so that is also off the table. If I absolutely had to pick something though, I would make Bruno's line "Geonbae, geonbae, girl, what's up" into a double. Once again, it's a case of "this is LITERALLY HOW I THOUGHT IT WAS MIXED originally". My ears are not winning lately, I fear…
That's about all I have for this month. I hope you understand the inner workings of this song a little better, and I'll see you next time!
Shmaluigi, Private Investigator
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk)
Light at the End of the Tunnel: Part 5
Inspecting Monty Brando's personal office turned out to only raise more questions than answers. His personal notes were frustratingly vague to avoid leaving anything incriminating if they were discovered, and still managed to mess with what I thought I knew just enough to question a lot of things. I expected to find something confirming that my long-vanished fiancée was simply eliminated by Brando's men, obscured by code and euphemism as it may be. But no, "secured" and "integrated", whatever that was supposed to mean. I had to ask myself if I was simply mistaken and that these notes were referring to something else, but the timeframe and broad details matched up with what I already knew. That seemed far too coincidental to be the case. If I wanted to get to the bottom of this, I had a feeling I would have to track down this "Umbra" character.
But I couldn't stay around here much longer. The good thing about having a robot on my side for the moment was that it meant quick intake of data and easy processing for later, so if anything else useful was in Brando's notes, I'd find out soon enough.
It was already pretty late though, so we all went our separate ways to regroup in the morning. G-XY needed time to parse through all that data anyway. I got back into my usual form and took a looong shower when I got home - something about being in the shape of Monty Brando made me feel disgusting.
The next morning, the Mystery Dudes reconvened at my place so we could figure out what would happen next.
"I've finished converting the data from those notes into raw text," G-XY explained. "Would've taken less time normally, but having to look at everything through that awful camera these guys put in IG didn't help matters."
"Hey, we're just teenagers on limited income, give me a break," Ook replied.
"Anyway, anything else of this Caster figure?" I asked. I still expected there wouldn't be much besides what I found last night.
"100+ mentions of keyword 'caster'."
"Wait, what?! Well... They're old, right?"
"Mentions continue to appear in entries from this year."
"Um... Well, maybe it's a reused code, or it's just popping up in other contexts."
"Aggregated data indicates that 'caster' is typically associated with 'reconnaissance'. I find the odds that the majority of these mentions are unrelated to be extremely low."
Every other assumption I made was completely wrong, so might as well give it a shot. "But surely there's something in here somewhere that makes sense of all this and isn't extremely vague like the rest of it?"
"Of course not."
"I guess there could still be something useful in there. Can I see a list of all those?"
"As a matter of fact, you can. Printer, activate!" Suddenly, his teeth retracted and he began spitting out a long sheet of paper. It was kind of off-putting, to be honest. Shmwario would probably get a kick out of it if he was here, though. I guess it got the job done.
"Vaya, I never get used to that," Muercello commented.
I grabbed hold of the paper and started looking through it. There sure was a lot here, and G-XY was right, a whole lot of references to reconnaissance as I skimmed through. Not much of a time gap from my original findings either. This didn't make sense, and I wondered if I had gotten this all wrong. Maybe it was purely a coincidence and my interpretation was way off - these notes were vague enough for that to be a distinct possibility. Or, Jasmine had actually joined Brando's mafia, which I found so ridiculous that I was ready to immediately dismiss it out of hand. It's very difficult to keep a Shadow under someone's thumb against their will, especially for such a long period of time, and I knew her character well enough to know she wouldn't have joined him willingly.
At least I thought I did... I wasn't ready to come to grips with that yet without cause.
So, I was stuck between two options, neither of which seemed very plausible or that I wanted to accept. There had to be something I was missing - but I knew who might have that puzzle piece. Well, sort of.
"What can you find in there about Umbra?" I asked.
"350+ mentions of keyword 'umbra'. Printing those now," G-XY answered, then went back to spewing paper from his mouth.
This was going to take a long time to dig through, but it was a job for me and me alone. For all of G-XY's processing power, he didn't have years of experience chasing Brando and his underlings in his databanks like I did. Well, not that I have databanks per se, but you get what I mean.
There was a lot to look at - this Umbra character had been associated with Brando for a long time, well before I was wrapped up in this world of mafias and all other manner of criminal miscreance. Not much here of note, or that I could even really understand devoid of context, but eventually, something caught my eye - a peculiar entry that said "Umbra assigned to Femur project". Suddenly, that offhand comment Spiky Don made about the Bone Crusher came rushing back.
He never did have much going on in that skull of his. That Wizzerd sure gave the boss what he wanted when he asked for a mindless servant.
Was "Umbra" the Wizzerd that Spiky Don was talking about? That just might explain things... But I had to be sure I wasn't putting all my eggs in one basket by finding Brando's code for the Bone Crusher. Shouldn't be too hard, considering recent events.
"Get me all mentions of 'femur' from the past month."
"Really killing the rainforests here, PI!"
The new output confirmed it - plenty of mentions of a "Femur" matching up with what I knew about the Bone Crusher's role in this operation, alongside someone called "Excalibur", probably Spiky Don. Now I knew who I was looking for, but that was about it. Still no idea of how to find them, and between the findings in Brando's office and what data was left in IG-11, I'd pretty much exhausted all my current leads.
"Off to see the Wizzerd, then," I said to myself. "The question is how..."
"I'm sure you'll come up with something in no time!" Muercello said, followed up by an encouraging bark from Spectra. I appreciated the enthusiasm, but it wasn't really helping right now.
The best way to find any of Brando's associates, I suppose, would be to start with his main base of operations. As for how to do that, well, I had options - none that were coming to me at the moment, but the big man was out of the picture and I could disguise myself as him, so there were certainly ways of getting information that no one would willingly give to me before. I never had the guts to try it before because, well, I was trying very hard not to play the Duplighost card with Brando still active, and I had no way to account for him. Neither of those were an issue anymore, but I still had to be sly about it. Not all of Brando's men are the brightest bulbs, but he wouldn't employ anyone dumb enough to not think something's up if I went up to one of them and said "hey, I forgot where my own base of operations is, can you take me there?". That was even assuming I could find any of them, who knows if they were active right now.
Maybe... an art dealer? For all of Brando's horrible traits, he was at least a man of class. I remembered seeing paintings in his office, and I knew he ran other more legitimate business fronts - Pianta's Eatery was just one of them - so he must have had a reliable go-to who knew enough to not ask too many questions.
"G-XY, you saw the paintings in Brando's office, right? Think you can track down the artists?" I asked.
"Can do. Let me just check the data... Well, you're in luck, the artists signed those paintings. That ought to make it easy for you."
"Nice, nice. Must be great having this guy around all the time, eh?" I added.
"Gaxy's great for searching online wikis too," Halloween added. "Has some trouble with tabular data, though."
I could practically see the steam coming off of G-XY as his head slowly rotated to face the Ninji. "It's not Gaxy! Besides, those tables never should've been arranged like that! Everyone knows you don't read vertically!"
Tracking down the dealer was remarkably easy, thankfully. All I had to do was track down the artists who had made Brando's paintings, run through the old private investigator routine, and ask who they usually sold their paintings to. All of them worked with a certain Mr. Hatverson, a local art dealer here in the city, so I decided to pay him a little visit in disguise after Shmwario and I managed to pool together enough money to hopefully buy a few fancypants paintings for my plan.
A lot was banking on the assumption that Brando actually dealt with this guy personally, so fingers crossed that was the case. As if that wasn't enough, I was a bit nervous impersonating Brando and interacting with someone he knew. This was a totally different ballgame from disguising myself and sneaking around in his personal office, and come to think of it, I've barely ever seen him interact with anyone whose guts he didn't hate. But I had to try. How bad could it be?
I entered Mr. Hatverson's shop with IG-11 in tow, and a small bell rang as the door opened, quickly prompting a voice from the back room. "Just a moment!"
I'll admit that I was never quite a fine arts person - I was more of a ? Panel person myself, now there's something that should be in a museum - but as I looked at the paintings carefully set up and displayed on easels around the room, I couldn't help but think that this was a rather pleasant and quaint establishment. Nice and out of the way, too. At least, it would be if the owner wasn't most likely buddies with the city's leading crime boss.
It wasn't long before a Bonneter emerged from the back room, a painter's beret as his choice of hat and accompanied by a snazzy little black bowtie. "Ah, Mr. Brando, a pleasure to see you again sir! Hm... I must say, your companion looks rather worse for wear."
"That's nothing you need to concern yourself with," I replied.
"Yes, yes, don't ask about your business. Now, what can I do for you?"
"I'm preparing for a new venture, and I need your services for the decorating. I suppose... four paintings should suffice."
Mr. Hatverson's eyes lit up in response. Either he's really excited about selling paintings, or he wasn't even sure if I wanted to buy any for some reason. "Ah, well you are in LUCK! I've recently acquired several new paintings, they're absolutely exquisite. Perfect for your tastes, I might add. Come in, come in, let me show you!"
I let Mr. Hatverson lead me around the room while he rambled about the paintings. Seemed like a bunch of mumbo jumbo to me, so I mostly tuned him out and just tried to pay enough attention to follow along and agree to the purchases. The paintings themselves, of course, didn't matter for my purposes. Thankfully, my strategy of buying the first four he showed me worked like a charm in getting this done quick.
"Now then, I assume you want this delivered to the usual place?" he asked.
"Yes, that would be just fine." I hoped so, anyway.
"Excellent, then we'll follow the usual procedure. I'll drop the paintings off and hire some movers to keep things on the down-low. Pleasure doing business with you, as always!"
"Oh, just one more thing. I want to send some of my boys to keep an eye on things and make sure they don't damage the merchandise, so I need to know where the drop-off is going to be."
"Ah, certainly. I'll be leaving them in the back lot of Woodrow Oakley's Museum of Curiosities, it's a splendid spot for it if I do say so myself! No one ever notices a few extra boxes there now and then."
"Perfect. I'm sure we'll be seeing each other again soon."
"Aha, I already look forward to it!"
With all that taken care of, I gathered everyone together a little later that day for a good old-fashioned stakeout in the Mystery Dudes' van. I had to convince them to take the cardboard signage with their branding down, though. That was a little too conspicuous.
Eventually, the sun dipped well below the horizon, leaving night to overtake the city once more. Of course, that happened rather early this time of year. As the city lights came on to compensate for the dimming sunlight, and it started to become uncomfortably cold in this parked van, I started to wonder how much longer it would be before they showed up. Meanwhile, Shmwario was busy getting smoked at Go Fish by the Mystery Dudes.
"Oh c'mon! I haven't even won one game yet!" he grumbled.
"Makes sense, you're getting beaten by kids at the kid's game," Shmaisy added.
"Ah shaddup! I'm gonna win one of these, you'll see! C'mon, new game!"
Just as they were getting ready to start another round, a moving truck pulled up next to the crates and an unassuming duo of Koopa Troopas got out and loaded them up. They definitely looked like they had no idea who they were supposedly making a delivery for.
"Looks like your rematch is going to have to wait, bro. Come on, let's tail them."
As the moving truck pulled away, Muercello started up the van to follow at a safe distance. The plan seemed to be working like a charm - they led us right into one of New Wikisburg's more affluent neighborhoods. Big fancy houses with walls and gates and everything, the people who lived here were certainly well to-do. I just had to hope that this was where Brando's main base of operations was, or at least where he lived, maybe even both. Eventually they came to a stop in front of one of the houses, an unassuming one that didn't look all that different from the others around it, dropped the paintings off outside the gate, and then left without another word. Under normal circumstances, I suppose Brando would've notified someone to be on the lookout for a package. But these weren't normal circumstances, and that was very good for me.
"Alright, stay close by, I'm going in," I said before slipping back into disguise and hopping out of the van with IG-11 close behind. I couldn't help but muse about how out of place the droid in its current state was in a place like this as his rusty scrap feet clanked along the pristinely maintained sidewalk.
As I approached the gate, I spied one of those fancy little buttons that you push so someone on the inside can let you in. Another lucky break for me, considering I didn't have any of Brando's keys. Sure, IG could lockpick them, but that would be rather conspicuous. And then the nervous feelings came back, fantastic. I may have been able to pull one over on Mr. Hatverson, but if I botched the usual procedure on something Brando likely used every day, then that was pretty much game over right then and there.
Ah well, this certainly wasn't the time to let my nerves get the better of me. I pushed the button and a woman's voice came from the speaker. "Please identify yourself."
"It's me," I said, as Brando-y as I knew how. Apparently that was enough, as the gates opened what felt like not even a full second later. Either I did a good job, or Brando has his underlings trained to hear the boss's voice and comply without much thought. Well, the latter was definitely the case, but maybe it was both.
I noted the lawn, well-kept and spacious, but nothing very flashy to draw your attention as you walked up the path to the house. Pretty much Brando's style in a nutshell. Approaching the ornate wooden doors, I found that they were locked as expected, and couldn't think of much better to do than knock. When the door opened, I was met by Sledger, and looking up at him through the eyes of a Monty Mole really reminded me how imposing of a figure he normally was.
"Boss? You're back! Hey Crawford, the boss is back!"
"'Ey boss, where've ya been? We've been lookin' all over for ya!" It looked like he was still suffering the effects of our last encounter - a bandage-wrapped beak wasn't exactly the best thing to complement a zoot suit.
"Things went... awry," I answered. "Nothing you two need to concern yourself with. I have some packages waiting at the gate - go bring them in, and be careful with them."
"Yeah boss, right away, boss! C'mon Sledger, you heard 'im!"
The duo quickly scrambled away to take care of business, leaving me alone to take care of my business. I still wasn't exactly sure how I was going to find the Wizzerd, I just hoped that something in here would make it easier. Maybe something in Brando's study here would help? Unlike the restaurant, it didn't seem like there was any attempt to give off an impression that things in here were on the up and up.
I looked around the parlor to try and get some direction for where to go - and then I saw her. She was wearing a pretty typical mafia getup, but that Shadow was unmistakably Jasmine, alive and in the flesh. Even kept her hair styled in the same way too. I'd been taken on a whirlwind since last night, but I was still shocked to actually see her in person after spending all these years thinking she was dead. Of course, now I found her employed by my departed arch-nemesis, so getting to the bottom of that was my top priority. I just had to... talk to her for the first time in six years and not break character. Haha, yeah, sure, that was going to be fine! I'm fine. Everything's great.
Ugh... Why couldn't somebody else disguise themselves as Brando and I could've just stayed behind to pilot the stupid robot instead? I should've gotten Shmwario to do this...
"I have a matter I need to discuss with you, meet me in my study."
"Yes sir."
With that, she disappeared into the shadows and was probably already in Brando's office by now. Okay, that went fine, good start. But was it hot in here?
Still, even from that limited interaction I could tell something was different about her. The way she spoke, and even her face - although I admit I always did have trouble reading her by expression alone, not very easy to do for someone who doesn't have visible eyes - it was like there was nothing there. Whatever that Wizzerd did to her, it wasn't anything good. At least she hadn't gone with Brando willingly, but that information seemed of little comfort to me.
Thankfully, I managed to find what looked like Brando's study without too much trouble. It would've been hard to explain the guy wandering around his own base like a lost puppy, after all. When I first entered, I was greeted by a Seedy Pod who I assumed to be was Brando's secretary or something of the sort - a person who, up until now, I had no idea existed.
"Mr. Brando, you're back. We've been worried about you," she said.
"I appreciate the concern. I have important business to attend to now."
She left it at that, presumably knowing enough not to pry any further, unlike a certain Craw lackey downstairs. I pressed ahead into Brando's personal office, where I found Jasmine already waiting for me.
"Punctual as always," I said, only to be met with no response as I sat down behind the desk in Brando's chair. Hm, pretty comfortable, actually. "Now then. You've been with my organization for quite some time now, haven't you?"
"Yes sir."
"I was recently thinking about circumstances in which you came under my wing." I was pressing my luck way too much right now.
Her blank expression changed into a slight frown, as if there was something somewhere in the back of her head that she couldn't pull out. "I... I don't understand, sir."
"Don't concern yourself with it. The point is, you've become an important part of my organization - and that's why I'm trusting you with the first steps of my new plan, after I was thwarted by that imbecilic detective."
"Thank you, sir," she simply replied. I would've thought the whole plans thwarted thing would get more of a reaction.
I wasn't sure how things were going to go down, but I knew I wanted to keep Jasmine at arm's length. I hoped I could strongarm that Wizzerd into reversing this mess, but until then, I needed to make sure she would be out of harm's way in case anything went wrong. Thankfully, knowing that Brando often sent her on reconnaissance missions helped a lot, and, well... I may as well get a little laugh out of this whole thing. "I need you to spy on Morris of the Joja Corporation. He serves as the regional manager for the store here in the city. Having him under my influence will be... crucial."
"Understood, sir."
"I will be in my office at Pianta's Eatery tomorrow night. Return to me there with your full report. I want every detail, no matter how small or insignificant it may seem. Is that clear?"
"Yes sir."
I smirked, half in character and half breaking character at the same time. "Excellent. You may go."
Jasmine gave an affirmative nod and disappeared back into the shadows. Okay, so maybe I hated playing the mafia boss, and maybe doing it in the shape of Brando was even worse, but you had to admit, a little phony operation at Mr. Morris' expense was kind of funny.
Oh man... What if Brando sent her to spy on me and I never knew it?
I didn't have much time to think about that, because IG-11 spoke up. "So what is your plan? Not the fake mafia plan, the real plan."
"I need to get that Wizzerd here... and maybe more. Here's what I'm thinking - the secretary probably knows how to contact all the top men in the organization, right? What if I were to call a meeting under the guise of hashing out this 'new plan', and then when everyone's here, you call the NWPD to surround the place. We stamp out the remaining leadership and force the Wizzerd to undo whatever they did to Jasmine's mind."
"Sounds risky. Nah, sounds great! Let's do it! Hey, get off the mic!"
Oh, yeah. I guess IG-11 technically was under the control of up to six people and a dog right now. I wasn't going to entertain apprehension anymore, though. This was no longer about vengeance - this was about saving my beloved. With no time to waste, I went back to Brando's secretary to get things in motion, hopefully.
"I'm holding an emergency meeting. Bring me the top men. All of them."
"Certainly, Mr. Brando. I'll get right on that."
One thing's clear - when the big boss snaps his fingers, you jump. Brando's top men were quickly responding to the call, and came into the conference room over the next hour. Oh yeah, Brando has a conference room. The guy thought of everything. Anyway, these guys were clearly the cream of the crop - no small-time lackeys here, just by looking at them you could tell they've gotten this far for a reason. Maybe I was in over my head?
Finally, the one I had my sets sight on entered the room - from their purple coloration, I immediately recognized that this wasn't just any Wizzerd, but a Dark Wizzerd, a powerful practitioner of potent dark magic. Even these guys weren't the most powerful Wizzerds out there, but they were skilled enough to blow your garden-variety Magikoopa out of the water.
Then they gave me a funny look - not the usual funny look that Wizzerds always have, mind you. I wasn't sure what that was all about, but I knew I didn't like it.
"Who... are you?" the Wizzerd asked.
"What?"
"You... are not him..."
The Wizzerd made some quick little hand gestures, and before I could process what was going on, a shocking pain coursed throughout my entire body as if I was electrocuted - and I quickly realized I was no longer a Monty Mole.
"Your magical energy... gives you away. You Duplighosts... and your little parlor tricks..."
To say this was a pickle would be the understatement of the millennium. The others wouldn't have called in backup yet, nor would they have any time to, and here I was stuck in a room full of Brando's nastiest underlings, exposed for trying to impersonate their boss. Any chance I could talk my way out of this one?
"So, ahaha, funny story?"
"Get... the impostor."
Guess not.
"I will deal with this. Activating self-destruct mechanism," IG-11 said, opening his chest cavity to reveal the Kick Bomb that the Mystery Dudes had installed - with a lit fuse. That was enough to send the rest fleeing. Either they thought IG would take me out or just decided I wasn't worth the trouble, but this was the one shot out. Looks like that droid came in handy one last time.
Well, at least I had the opportunity for a cool exit. Us Duplighosts are very light and agile creatures in our normal forms, so I hopped up on Brando's conference table and kept a close eye on IG's fuse. Three... Two... One... Go. I leapt forward just in time, using the force of the explosion as extra momentum to essentially go flying out of there. The only thing I was focused on was getting out, and doing it fast - I flung outside like a Swoop out of the Underwhere, made a break for the van, and hurled myself inside.
"Punch it!" I shouted. "No time for seatbelts!"
As we bolted out of there, almost certainly violating the speed limit, I took some time to catch my breath. That... could've gone worse. Not by much, but it could've. At least I knew where Jasmine was, and she was more or less safe. But how long would that last? I had only bought myself a day tops, and I didn't have the Wizzerd in custody like I'd hoped. The rest of Brando's mooks knew something was up, and I couldn't keep her away from the rest of them forever...
"What am I supposed to do now? I needed that Wizzerd to undo whatever mess it made out of Jasmine's head," I said to myself.
"Well... do you?" Shmaisy asked. "I'm no expert, but you've got to have more magic users somewhere in these wacky worlds. Surely someone else could handle this?"
"Hey, that reminds me!" Shmwario exclaimed. "I was at Waluigi Time's amusement park a while back, right? There was a fortune teller there that was a whiz with fixin' corrupted stuff! Maybe we can get her to do it."
"Shmwario, amusement park fortune tellers aren't magicians, they're entertainers. It's probably all smoke and mirrors," I replied.
"I'm serious, she was a real Shaman and everything! Trust me, it's gonna work."
"Well, I guess I don't have any better options. We'll try it."
The next night, I returned to Pianta's Eatery in disguise as Brando for what would most likely be the last time, waiting for Jasmine. I was very nervous about this, knowing that this would likely be my only chance. Doing this would most likely exhaust any further chance I had to use my Brando disguise with her, and if this didn't work, she'd probably disappear into the shadows. With Brando's mafia in the state it was in now, I wasn't even sure if I'd be able to find her again. But Shmwario was really vouching for this Mertle character, and he'd already set the whole thing up. I guess I just had to trust him.
I was so occupied with my own thoughts that I almost didn't notice when Jasmine finally appeared in the room.
"I completed the assignment, sir."
"Hm? Ah, just as I expected. What were your findings?" I asked.
I listened as Jasmine explained the last day or so of Mr. Morris' activities. Not much of interest - he's actually a very boring fellow most of the time - although apparently he doesn't know how to work a stove? I'd have to give him a hard time about that the next time we met. But now, it was time to get things rolling.
"You've done well, as always. I have something else I need your assistance with. Please follow me."
Thankfully, she didn't seem to question following me instead of me just telling her where to go - or IG-11's conspicuous absence. As helpful as it was at the moment, it still broke my heart to see her be such a shell of her former self.
I led her through the city to where Shmwario had told me to go, an otherwise unassuming little building in the heart of the city with neon signage of a Super Star in the window. Apparently, the whole amusement park thing was actually a side gig? We entered and found what appeared to be, well, not much more than it needed to be. It was dimly lit with lots of star iconography, a few incense burners in the back, and Mertle herself, a gray-haired Shaman sitting behind a crystal ball.
"Ah, greetings. I foresaw your arrival. Well, that and your friend told me you would be coming," she said, then turned to Jasmine. "You must be the one of which he spoke. I sense dark energies clouding your mind, child. We begin."
She snapped her fingers and two bands of light suddenly burst from the walls, forming into cords around Jasmine's wrists and holding her into place.
"Sir... What is this?" she asked. It was the first time I heard her speak without some form of prompting this whole time.
"Just a little precaution, child," Mertle said. "You can't be too careful when dealing with potentially non-compliant Shadows. Now then, let's clear things up for you. Let the gate of the mind open... Purge the corruption... Darkness... BEGONE!"
A flash of light seemingly emanated from Mertle's palms, and in a moment, Jasmine fell to the floor. I was overtaken by worry until I realized she was still conscious, and more importantly, appeared to actually have some emotion on her face.
"Well, child? How do you feel?" Mertle asked.
To be continued...
Hehe, cliffhangers are fun. I'd like to thank Pitohui and Magolor for their help in ironing out this part and the arc as a whole so far. That's about all I have to say because I procrastinated on writing this and don't feel like saying much else. Next time we'll be wrapping up this arc, don't miss it!
Sport Report: The Movie
Written by: ClawgripFan9001
World 3 - The Pipe Menace - Part 3
Further into Pipe Skyway, the heroes proceeded to run into another one of General Zellon's minions; An Ankylosaurus called Anikinsaurus. The heroes were impressed by the sight of this.
"Yar, would ye look at that! It be 'nother dinosaur! Apart from Yoshi, ye don't be seein' those a whole lot 'round the Mushroom World!" ClawgripFan9001 remarked as he looked at the Anikinsaurus.
"Yeah, that's pretty impressive, alright!" Iggy chimed in with a grin. The Anikinsaurus then turned to look at the heroes, sighing in annoyance.
"Oh, brother, it's those stupid heroes…" Anikinsaurus muttered under his breath before speaking out loud. "Look, I really don't feel like dealing with you guys right now, so let's make this quick. If you wish to pass, you have to beat me in a match of Javelin Throw. If you win, you get to pass. If you lose, you have to get the heck out of here. Deal?" Anikinsaurus asked the heroes after explaining the deal to them.
"Aye, that do sound like a fair deal ta us, lad! Iggy, do ye think ye can handle this?" ClawgripFan9001 asked Iggy, turning towards the middle Koopaling with a smile.
"You bet I can! I've got both speed and strength alike to throw that javelin as far as I possibly can, so let's go!" Iggy cheered as the heroes and Anikinsaurus were beamed away towards the stadium where the Javelin Throw match took place.
Anikinsaurus proceeded to run towards the line with a javelin in his right hand, and upon reaching the line, he threw the javelin with all his might, sending it flying through the air before touching down upon the field. A Zellon Trooper proceeded to run onto the field to measure how far the javelin had gotten.
"67.450 meters!" The Zellon Trooper shouted as the crowd cheered for Anikinsaurus, who rolled his eyes in annoyance at the praise he was getting from his fellow Zellon Army members.
Next up, it was Iggy's turn, with the middle Koopaling waving to the crowd with a smile on his face, although he didn't get a very positive reception from the crowd, as they proceeded to boo him. Iggy didn't let this bring him down, however, as he took the javelin in his right hand, ran as fast as he possibly could before throwing the javelin as it went hurtling through the air before coming down onto the field once more, after which the Zellon Trooper from before ran onto the field to measure how far Iggy's javelin had gotten.
"82.340 meters!" The Zellon Trooper shouted, after which the crowd began booing Iggy once more, but Iggy jumped up and down happily as he managed to defeat Anikinsaurus in the match. Anikinsaurus rolled his eyes once more as he proceeded to disappear into a puff of smoke, after which the heroes were beamed back towards Pipe Skyway.
"Nice going, Iggy! You really outshined that dinosaur in Javelin Throw!" Wendy complimented her older brother with a smile.
"Thanks, sis! I knew I could do it, and I'm glad I was able to grant us further access into General Zellon's Dark Lands! Now let's keep this gravy train rolling!" Iggy cheered as he began to steer the walker mech forward once more.
"Aye, we be gettin' closer an' closer ta the next o' General Zellon's strongholds, so let's keep at it ta reach it!" ClawgripFan9001 chimed in with a grin.
The heroes then proceeded to venture further into Pipe Skyway. They soon found another pipe passageway, which was being guarded by two members of the Zellon Armed Forces that were the Zellon Armed Forces' equivalent to Boomerang Brothers; Shuriken Sisters.
"Yar, looks like we be 'avin' 'nother fight on our 'ands, people. Get ready ta compete in 'nother event." ClawgripFan9001 told the heroes as the Shuriken Sisters caught notice of them.
"Where do you think you're going, you lame-o heroes? Commander Lilian Day Zellon told us to keep the likes of you away from her stronghold, so you won't be going any further than this." One of the Shuriken Sisters told the heroes, pointing her shuriken at them.
"I beg ta differ, lass. We do be goin' further than this, an' ye ain't gonna stop us." ClawgripFan9001 replied with a grin, pointing his right index finger at the Shuriken Sisters.
"Sounding rather sure of yourself, are you? Well, how about this? If you manage to beat the two of us back-to-back in a match of Trampoline, you get to pass and get closer to Commander Lilian Day Zellon's stronghold. But if we manage to beat you, you'll be forced to leave the Dark Lands. And you can't come back. Ever." The other Shuriken Sister offered the heroes, pointing her shuriken at them as well.
"Aye, I accept yer challenge, lasses. Now let's get o'er ta the arena where we'll be fightin' it out in this event!" ClawgripFan9001 exclaimed as the heroes and the Shuriken Sisters proceeded to get beamed away to the arena where the Trampoline event was going to take place.
The two Shuriken Sisters proceeded to go first in the event, with both of them managing to score a total of 28.50 points on the Trampoline. Next, it was ClawgripFan9001's turn to go on the Trampoline and score more points than the Shuriken Sisters. Beginning to jump up and down to gain momentum, the Sidestepper reporter began to show off flashy moves on the trampoline, in spite of the boos and sneers he was receiving from the audience. Eventually though, ClawgripFan9001 managed to beat the two Shuriken Sisters in the event with a total score of 38.50 points, after which the Shuriken Sisters disappeared into puffs of smoke and the heroes were sent back to Pipe Skyway.
"Woo! Nice going, ClawgripFan! You really bounced back against those Zellon Army troops!" Diddy Kong complimented ClawgripFan9001 with a smile, clapping his hands for the Sidestepper reporter's victory in the Trampoline event.
"Aye, I sure did, lad! Now let's travel up this pipe an' continue our journey through this maze!" ClawgripFan9001 nodded with a grin as Iggy steered the walker mech through the pipe, going up it in the process.
Arriving at the other end of the pipe, the heroes were met with a set of pipes that were situated over an abyss. The path of pipes was rather narrow, so crossing it with the walker mech was going to be challenging.
"Whoa! This path looks really narrow!" Roy Koopa remarked as he saw the situation before them.
"It certainly does. How are we going to cross this without tumbling into the abyss below?" Ludwig wondered out loud.
"Yar, it just be a matter o' runnin' careful maneuvers. Iggy, be careful as ye steer this thing 'cross the pipe path, aye?" ClawgripFan9001 told Iggy, who proceeded to nod in understanding.
"I hear you, ClawgripFan. I'll do my best to keep us from falling into the abyss below." Iggy replied as he carefully began to steer the walker mech forward, crossing the narrow pipe path in the process. Halfway through crossing the pipe path, however, the heroes were ambushed by a large mutant orangutan known as Prima Scimmia.
"Whoa! Looks like we got another fight on our hands, guys!" Winston exclaimed in shock.
"It sure looks like it! We'll have to beat this thing in an event to get by!" The Lakitu cameraman chimed in as the heroes and Prima Scimmia were beamed away towards the location of the next event; Zellon Uneven Bars. Diddy Kong, Dixie Kong and Lemmy Koopa were standing on platforms high in the sky, and they proceeded to look on as Prima Scimmia came swinging into the area on a vine, shrieking at the heroes before leaping off the vine and grabbing onto the bars. Diddy Kong, Dixie Kong and Lemmy proceeded to jump after the beast, grabbing onto the bars as they tried their best to prevent Prima Scimmia from finishing in first place.
Eventually, Dixie Kong managed to finish in first place in the event, with Diddy Kong taking second place, Prima Scimmia taking third place and Lemmy taking fourth place. Prima Scimmia shrieked in disgust at being defeated before disappearing into a puff of smoke, after which the heroes were returned to Pipe Skyway.
"Ah, phew. Glad that thing was taken care of." The Lakitu cameraman sighed in relief before proceeding to stare off into the distance. "Hey, look! I think I see the next of General Zellon's strongholds on the other side of the abyss!" He pointed out as the rest of the heroes proceeded to look at the scene as well.
"Yar, bless me bandana! Ye be right, matey! Iggy, steer the mech o'er there! We be this close ta freein' the next batch o' heroes!" ClawgripFan9001 told Iggy, who nodded as he did what he was told. The walker mech then reached the other side of the abyss before stopping at the front door of the stronghold.
"Well, this is it! Let's go crush this Commander Lilian Day Zellon's darn head like a rock!" Roy grinned as he pounded his fists together.
"Yeah, we'll make her pay for capturing our friends!" Morton chimed in as he pounded his fists together as well.
"Aye, do all o' ye be ready? Then off we go!" ClawgripFan9001 exclaimed as him and the heroes went inside the stronghold, which was filled with pipes akin to the ones found across Pipe Skyway.
"Dang, this looks mighty confusing…" Donkey Kong remarked, scratching his head as he looked at all the pipes across the stronghold.
"You know it! Which pipe is the right one?" Funky Kong chimed in as he looked the situation over.
"I think I know a way to figure out which pipe is the right one. Allow me to demonstrate." Ludwig chimed in as he took out a portable Bullet Bill Blaster and proceeded to use it to fire a Bullet Bill into each of the pipes. Two of the pipes proceeded to blink red after the Bullet Bills went through while the third and final one blinked green, indicating that was the one they had to go through.
"I'd say we'll have to take the blinking green pipe if we wanna go the right way." Winston pointed out, to which the other heroes proceeded to head through the pipe as well. They then ended up in another room filled with pipes, after which Ludwig once again used his Bullet Bill Blaster to find the right pipe, and the heroes proceeded to use this tactic to navigate through the remainder of the stronghold, eventually managing to arrive at the boss room.
"At last, you have made it to my stronghold." A female voice sounded, which was revealed to belong to Commander Lilian Day Zellon. She stood in front of a cage that held Bowser and Bowser Jr.. "I am Commander Lilian Day Zellon, of the Zellon Armed Forces. I have been ordered by my father to guard these heroes that you so desperately seek to free. And I have been expecting you for some time, but now, the time has come for you all to perish at the might of my sportsmanship!" Lilian spoke to the heroes.
"Yar, an' what event do we 'ave ta challenge ye if we wanna 'ave a chance ta free 'em?" ClawgripFan9001 asked Lilian with a raised eyebrow, giving the commander a long look.
"You will have to defeat me in a match of Rhythmic Ribbon if you wish to free the heroes. Should you emerge victorious, the heroes are yours to free. Should you suffer defeat, however, you shall be ejected from the Dark Lands with no opportunities to return. Shall we proceed to the arena to get this event underway?" Lilian asked the heroes after explaining the deal to them.
The heroes looked at each other before looking back at Lilian and nodding in acceptance. "Aye, we shall. Wendy, do ye think ye can handle this event?" ClawgripFan9001 asked Wendy, turning to look at the third youngest Koopaling.
Wendy nodded towards the Sidestepper, looking confident in her abilities to defeat Lilian in this event. "I think I can, ClawgripFan. Now let's get going towards the arena so we can get this show on the road!" She declared as the heroes, along with Lilian, were beamed away towards the arena where the Rhythmic Ribbon event was going to take place.
The audience in the arena proceeded to cheer for Lilian as the commander waved to them before proceeding to start her performance. The Blue Danube began playing, and Lilian performed with a lot of grace and nimbleness before proceeding to finish her performance with a total score of 48.200 points. Lilian bowed to the audience as they applauded and cheered for her before proceeding to leave the stage as Wendy walked out with her own ribbon, the audience booing her as she did so. The third youngest Koopaling didn't let this bring her down though, as she started her performance as well.
The Blue Danube once again began playing, and Wendy too performed with a lot of grace and nimbleness, being even more graceful and nimble than Lilian. This clearly showed by the end of Wendy's performance, as she managed to beat Lilian's score with a total of 57.520 points. The heroes proceeded to cheer and applaud for Wendy's victory over Lilian while the audience booed and sneered at the matter.
"No, no, no, no, no! This cannot be true! I cannot have been defeated by a brat such as this! My father will never let me hear the end of it!" Lilian frantically spoke before her entire body began engulfed in flames as she proceeded to explode into flames as well. She then dropped the key to Bowser and Bowser Jr.'s cage, which Wendy quickly grabbed as the heroes cheered once more.
The heroes were then returned to Lilian's stronghold, with Bowser and Bowser Jr. smiling as they were about to be freed. "Yar, har, har, har, har! Congratulations, Wendy! Ye defeated 'nother one o' General Zellon's commanders an' allowed us ta free 'nother set o' heroes!" ClawgripFan9001 happily spoke.
Wendy smiled and nodded, holding the key in her hand. "That I did, ClawgripFan. Now let's free them." She replied before opening the cage as Bowser and Bowser Jr. walked out of it.
"Bwa, ha, ha, ha, ha! Thanks a lot for getting us out of here! I knew that General Zellon's forces were way too wimpy to keep us locked up in here for very long!" Bowser gloated, flashing a toothy grin at the heroes.
"Hee, hee, hee! Yeah, you really showed those suckers what for through this part of General Zellon's Dark Lands!" Bowser Jr. chimed in, flashing a mischievous smirk.
"Aye, we were 'appy ta 'ave freed the two o' ye, mateys! If ye come along with us fer the remainder o' this journey, we'll be able ta free the rest o' the heroes as well!" ClawgripFan9001 told Bowser and Bowser Jr. with a smile.
"You bet we'll be joining you guys for the rest of your journey through the Dark Lands! I can't wait to get back at General Zellon for keeping us locked up in here!" Bowser grinned as he pounded his fists together.
"Yup! But before we head on our merry way, let's free the audience members that were being held in this stronghold and send them back to Toad Town!" Bowser Jr. suggested, to which the heroes nodded in agreement.
ClawgripFan9001 and Company then freed all of the audience members in the Pipe Skyway Stronghold before sending them back to Toad Town in the Airship that Lilian had docked at the place. They then proceeded to head on their way to the fourth of General Zellon's Dark Lands to free the next set of heroes that were being held captive over there.
And so ends the third chapter of Sport Report: The Movie! The Koopalings once again proved to be quite useful as the heroes tried to overcome the last set of obstacles that stood in their way of reaching the third of General Zellon's strongholds, culminating in a climactic clash with Lilian Day Zellon, who like her younger siblings before her, suffered a crushing defeat at the hands of my Mariosona and Company, especially Wendy O. Koopa, who took it upon herself to bring the third of the Zellon Commanders down! Tune in again next time during The 'Shroom's May issue, where we will be kicking off the fourth chapter of Sport Report: The Movie, in which my Mariosona and Company will be traversing the fourth of General Zellon's Dark Lands, now with Bowser and Bowser Junior in tow!
Say Yes to the Dress: Waluigi Edition
Written by: ClawgripFan9001
Madison was smiling brightly as she was wearing a sparkling white mermaid-style wedding dress, with the chest region of the dress resembling the scaly torso that certain adaptations of mermaids would have, and the lower half of the dress also flowed much like a mermaid’s tail. The sparkling white veil she wore on her head resembled the flowing locks of hair on a mermaid, which all fell in line with Madison’s wishes for a mermaid themed wedding dress.
“Ohmigosh, Maddie! You look gorgeous!” Jacqui said in awe as she looked at her sister in the wedding dress she was currently trying on. Jacqui hid her face behind her fingertips, trying and failing to contain her excitement.
“Girl, you really embrace that style of dress as if you were born a real mermaid!” Winnie squealed softly as she also tried to conceal her excitement by covering her face using her hands, but much like Jacqui, she clearly failed to do so.
“Honey, you look so beautiful…I don’t know what else to say about this dress…” Mrs. Bauer-O’Connor tearfully said as tears of happiness proceeded to form in her eyes, which she then dried using a tissue she took from her purse.
Madison’s eyes were sparkling with pride from the compliments she was receiving from her friends and family. “Thank you so much, you girls…” She replied in an overjoyed tone of voice.
“WAAAA-ll, seems that both the bride and her guests are both rather positive about this dress! Shall we return to the dressing room so that Waluigi can help you look into other options that lie in accordance with your wedding dress wishes, Mrs. Madison?!” Waluigi asked Madison as he had a warm grin on his face and made a gentlemanly bow to the soon-to-be-bride.
“Yeah, I guess we should. Bye, girls. I’ll be back soon with another dress to show you.” Madison smiled and waved to her loved ones as she proceeded to head back to the dressing room together with Waluigi and Rosalina.
“Mr. ClawgripFan, Waluigi can trust that you’ll once again keep our guests entertained while we tend to Mrs. Madison back in the dressing room?” Waluigi asked ClawgripFan9001 as he continued to walk back towards the dressing rooms with Rosalina and Madison in tow.
“Aye, ye can count on me, Mr. Waluigi! I’ll be keepin’ the guests ‘appy like a Cheep Cheep in Water Land!” ClawgripFan9001 responded to his purple-clad boss, saluting him as he left.
Back in the dressing room, Waluigi and Rosalina were helping Madison out of the dress she had just tried on and began scanning the racks of dresses for similar specimens once Madison was out of the previous dress and taking a rest on a couch stationed inside the dressing room.
“Mmmm, Waluigi really bowled a big one with that first dress, but Waluigi knows that one dress tried on alone does not make the bride! There’s always time to rebound and come back with something greater in terms of wedding dresses, so Waluigi hopes that he will please both the bride and her family alike with this next dress he’s hoping to find!” Waluigi said to himself as he continued to scout the racks from top to bottom, with his assistant Rosalina doing the same thing.
Soon enough, Rosalina had managed to find a dress and complimentary veil that matched what Madison was looking for in her wedding dress for the big day. “Ah, this should do the trick, I’m sure of it! Mr. Waluigi, what do you think of this?” The aqua blue-clad assistant called her boss and showed him the dress and veil.
Letting out an inquisitive hum as he inspected the specimens his assistant had selected, Waluigi nodded and uttered an affirmative hum as he did so. “Waluigi agrees, this certainly ticks off all the demands Mrs. Madison had put on her wish list! Let’s get her dressed up once again!” The charismatic boutique owner declared as him and Rosalina took the dress and veil to Madison.
“WAAAA-t do you think about this dress, Mrs. Madison?!” Waluigi then asked Madison as he and Rosalina showed her the dress and veil, and Madison smiled as she checked it out.
“That definitely looks like a lovely dress. Let’s try it on and have my family give their thoughts, shall we?” Madison suggested, with Waluigi and Rosalina nodding their agreement as they got to work.
Back in the seating area of the boutique, ClawgripFan9001 continued to provide Madison’s loved ones with mocktails and chatting up a storm with them. “Yar, there ye go, ladies! A fresh batch o’ bitter lemon mocktails with complimentary orange garnish, fresh from yer cap’n!” The Sidestepper grinned as he set down a tray filled with bitter lemon mocktails on the table in front of the seatings where Madison’s folks were situated.
“Thank you, Mr. ClawgripFan. We really appreciate it.” Jacqui thanked ClawgripFan9001 with a kind smile before everyone proceeded to take their mocktail glasses and toasted with them before taking a sip.
“I have to admit, Mr. ClawgripFan, I didn’t take you to be such a seasoned mocktail connoisseur. Where’d you learn that craft?” Winnie asked the Sidestepper curiously.
“Aye, it be a skill I picked up when I first started takin’ up writin’ the Cookin’ Guide fer the Fake News team on The ‘Shroom. When ye be writin’ a culinary column, it be important ta ‘ave knowledge on pretty much every area o’ the food pyramid, beverages like these included.” ClawgripFan9001 explained as he gestured to the mocktails that the women were indulging in.
Mrs. Bauer-O’Connor nodded her agreement with the Sidestepper’s statement. “It definitely pays off to have knowledge on this type of stuff as a cooking columnist, I agree. And learning the craft of bartending has certainly paid off, because your mocktails are rather delicious, sir.” She complimented ClawgripFan’s mocktail making skills.
ClawgripFan9001 smiled bashfully as he received these compliments. “Yar, thank ye very much, ma’am. It be glad ta ‘ear that me culinary abilities be payin’ off.” He thanked Mrs. Bauer-O’Connor for the compliments.
“Of course, Mr. ClawgripFan.” Mrs. Bauer-O’Connor smiled at the Sidestepper before everyone could hear the doors to the dressing rooms open as Waluigi and Rosalina came walking out.
“WAAAA-ll then, without further ado, Waluigi and his assistant Rosalina present to you, the second dress that Mrs. Madison is trying on!” Waluigi announced as Madison came walking out of the dressing room once more, this time wearing a wedding dress with a mermaid theme modeled after Disney’s interpretation of mermaids, with the chest region of the dress resembling a seashell bra and the bottom half of the dress being slim much like the tail on a Disney mermaid, and the veil that came with the dress resembled a five-pointer tiara similar to the one Attina from Disney’s The Little Mermaid wore.
Madison’s friends and family once again gasped in awe as they saw the upcoming bride walking over and showing off her dress to them. “Maddie, this dress and veil look even better on you than the last one!” Jacqui complimented her sister on this second dress she was trying on.
“I agree, it really brings out the mermaid theme much more than the first one!” Winnie chimed in her agreement with Jacqui’s statement.
“Honey, it looks fantastic!” Was all that Mrs. Bauer-O’Connor could say as she was simply at a loss for words otherwise, that’s how impressed she was with the dress.
Madison flashed a smile at her loved ones, her white teeth glistening as much as her eyes were right now. “Thank you, girls. I really appreciate you saying all of that.” The bride acknowledged the praise she was receiving.
“Wa-ha-ha! Now that’s a step up from the last dress, isn’t it?! But Waluigi has one last dress in store for the soon-to-be-bride, so let’s head back into the dressing rooms to find that final exemplary dress, shall we?” Waluigi suggested with a gentlemanly bow and a grin before turning his head towards his Sidestepper bartender. “Waluigi assumes that you’ll once again keep our guests happy, Mr. ClawgripFan?”
“Aye-aye, Mr. Waluigi! I’ll ‘ave the ladies occupied ‘till ye be back with Mrs. Rosalina and Mrs. Madison fer the final showin’!” ClawgripFan9001 responded with a salute. Satisfied with this answer, Waluigi nodded as he proceeded to take off for the dressing rooms once more together with Rosalina and Madison.
Back in the dressing rooms, Waluigi and Rosalina had managed to get Madison back out of the second dress and gotten her back on the sofa for her to take a rest while the two of them went looking for the last exemplary dress to try on and show to the upcoming newlywed's inner circle.
Waluigi hummed in delight as he scanned his charming yet troublemaking eyes across the various wedding dresses spread out across the dressing room. “Mm, mm, mm, mm~...Waluigi is spying with his eye to look for a dress for his bride~...Well, the bride that Waluigi is looking to help get married, that is…Waluigi himself isn't looking to tie the knot just yet…” The boutique owner muttered to himself as he continued to look over the dresses for one that matched Madison's wishes.
“Do you have any intention to get married yourself one day, Mr. Waluigi? Because I'm sure that there’s a woman out there who would love to be your life partner.” Rosalina asked her purple-clad boss in a curious tone of voice.
“WAAAA, of course, Mrs. Rosalina. Waluigi would love to settle down one day with a woman to call his own, but Waluigi hasn't found her just yet. But Waluigi knows when he's found her if a woman really makes Waluigi’s heart pump and make him feel lightheaded.” Waluigi informed his aqua blue-clad assistant, turning his head to face her.
Rosalina nodded at her boss’ words. “That does make sense, Mr. Waluigi. For the time being, I'm sure you're just happy to help other couples from all over the Mushroom World to become husband and wife, are you?” She asked Waluigi once more.
“Correct, Mrs. Rosalina. Waluigi has been bringing people together for at least twelve years now, and Waluigi isn’t planning to quit that trade anytime soon. Now let us continue searching for that one last dress to blow Mrs. Madison’s plus-three away, yeah?” Waluigi suggested to Rosalina, who nodded her agreement as the duo continued looking through the huge assortment of wedding dresses.
In the meantime, ClawgripFan9001 continued to keep the guests in the sitting occupied at the request of Waluigi, having brought them another freshly mixed tray of mocktails, this time being a mix of lemon and lime juice which the Sidestepper called “Lemon-Limenade”. The guests’ responses to this mocktail were rather positive.
“Hm, yet another mocktail with quite some bite to it, Mr. ClawgripFan. Color me impressed.” Jacqui commented with a smile after having taken a sip of her mocktail.
“I agree with Jacqui, it might have a limited variety to its palette, but it still tastes quite fresh and zesty.” Winnie chimed her agreement with Jacqui’s comments on the mocktail.
“It’s certainly a lot better than most of the mocktails I’ve tasted back in my day. Keep up the good work, Mr. ClawgripFan.” Mrs. Bauer-O’Connor commended the Sidestepper.
ClawgripFan9001 tipped his captain’s hat in gratitude towards the ladies, his trademark grin resting on his face. “Aye, glad ye like the drinks, ladies. I do try ta aim fer pleasin’ the guests at Mr. Waluigi’s Bridal Boutique with me beverage brewin’ capabilities so that waitin’ fer the bride ta show off their dresses be worth it even more in the end.” He informed them in a courteous tone of voice.
“Mr. Waluigi really made a good choice of hiring you for that branch of his business then, because you haven’t failed at delivering quality drinks so far while we’ve been here.” Jacqui smiled and nodded towards ClawgripFan9001.
“Yeah, it’s really interesting for a bridal boutique to have a mocktail lounge installed inside. You really don’t see a lot of those in bridal boutiques around the Mushroom World.” Winnie added onto Jacqui’s words with a smile of her own.
“Aye, that goes ta show ‘ow distinctive Mr. Waluigi can be in this business and prove that there ain’t any bridal boutique out there in the Mushroom World like this one.” ClawgripFan9001 responded to Winnie with a smile and a nod.
“It really does show, I can agree with that. No wonder that my daughter chose this bridal boutique to go shopping at.” Mrs. Bauer-O’Connor responded back to the Sidestepper, smiling as she took another sip of her mocktail.
“Mr. ClawgripFan? If you would be so kind as to step aside so that Waluigi and Mrs. Rosalina can show the guests the final showstopper of a wedding dress that Mrs. Madison will be trying on, please?” Waluigi requested ClawgripFan9001 from behind the Sidestepper.
“Aye-aye, Mr. Waluigi!” ClawgripFan9001 replied as he proceeded to scuttle aside for Waluigi and Rosalina to do their job.
“WAAAA-ll then, without further ado, feast your eyes on this dress!” Waluigi announced as Madison came walking in wearing a mermaid-themed wedding dress that was glimmering and shiny akin to the mermaid tail on the more East-European and Scandinavian depictions of mermaids, with the complimentary veil being reminiscent of a curly long mane hairstyle that some mermaids would be depicted with.
The guests’ jaws dropped in astonishment at how wonderful this final wedding dress was, as if Posei-Nod himself had risen from the watery depths. “I simply have no words for this, Maddie. You don’t even need to say anything to acknowledge that this dress looks amazing, but you should say something anyway.” Jacqui said in complete awestruck.
“What your sister to my right said, Maddie! If you want my honest opinion, I think that this dress is the one!” Winnie beamed with pure joy at how much she loved the dress that her friend was currently showing off.
“Mr. Waluigi wasn’t kidding when he said that the final dress he would be picking out for you would be the best one by far, honey. If you were to wear this dress on the big day, I wouldn’t have a shred of protest against it.” Mrs. Bauer-O’Connor said with pride as she once again patted away any shed tears with a tissue.
Madison was glimmering with pride at all the compliments she was receiving from her loved ones before she turned to Waluigi and Rosalina. “Well, after hearing all that praise from my friends and family, I think it’s needless to say that this dress is the one I want to wear at my wedding.” She told the purple-clad boutique owner with a proud tone of voice.
“WAAAA-t a wonderful thing to hear! Waluigi and Mrs. Rosalina shall help you pack up the dress and veil, and after that, it’s off to the register to make the purchase official!” Waluigi beamed with equal pride.
A few weeks later, we are present at Madison’s wedding with her high school sweetheart, Lucas Pierpont Coleman. Lucas was currently standing at the altar, waiting for his bride to arrive. He was a Caucasian human male looking to be in his mid to late twenties with backwards combed black hair, pale green eyes and a toned body build. He was currently wearing a black two-piece tuxedo with a white dress shirt and a black tie, completing the look with a pair of black suede ankle boots.
Soon, the organ began playing, and everyone turned to look as Madison came walking down the aisle with her father in-law by her side, wearing the wedding dress and veil she had purchased at Waluigi’s Bridal Boutique a few weeks prior.
Lucas smiled brightly at how beautiful his bride looked, and Madison returned the bright smile, the light in her soon-to-be-husband’s eyes making her feel all warm and fuzzy. Soon, Madison had arrived at the altar, and the reverend, a dark blue Pianta with a gray spruce mustache wearing a pair of round spectacles and a white two-piece tuxedo jacket in addition to the Pianta race’s trademark green grass skirt, began to speak.
“We are gathered here today to officiate the unification of these two lovers who have been bonded since their high school days. Should anyone dare to protest against the unification of these two lovers, speak up now.” The Pianta reverend declared, fortunately being met with dead silence in response.
“Then we are free to move on with the ceremony.” The reverend decided before turning his attention to Lucas. “Mr. Lucas Pierpont Coleman, do you take Madison Brigitta Bauer as your lawfully wedded wife ‘till your games are over?”
“I do.” Lucas replied joyfully without a shred of doubt in his mind.
Satisfied with this answer, the reverend then turned his attention to Madison. “Mrs. Madison Brigitta Bauer, do you take Lucas Pierpont Coleman as your lawfully wedded husband ‘till your games are over?”
“I do.” Madison replied with equal joy and not a shred of doubt in her mind to that of her husband.
“Then I declare you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.” The reverend stated as Lucas proceeded to lean forward and kiss Madison’s lips to seal their unification as lawfully wedded lovers. The crowd erupted in cheering for the newlyweds, and they proceeded to party for the rest of the day before leaving Lucas and Madison to peacefully retreat to their wedding suite.
And they lived happily ever after.
And with that, we’ve come to the end of this two-part Waluigi-themed story! If it wasn’t for TheRunawayGuys making an iconic joke out of Waluigi owning a bridal boutique during their Yoshi’s Island playthrough of Fortune Street (Or Boom Street if you happen to live in Europe or Australia) and the notorious fanfiction writer Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus making a fanfiction out of TheRunawayGuys’ iconic joke, this story would likely have never seen the light of day! Many thanks for those who took the time to read both parts of this story, and hopefully I will see you again next month, where I have another Waluigi-themed story fresh off the press for you guys to read!
Random Video Analysis
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| Video by: | negrinrl |
| Publish date: | April 26, 2007 |
| Views: | 738,862 (as of February 18, 2025) |
| Likes: | 5K (as of February 18, 2025) |
| Type: | Comedy |
| Description | Oh my god. Just oh my god. |
Thank you for checking out Random Video Analysis, a series where I find random YouTube videos and, well, analyze them! Last time we looked at a funny meme video featuring Po from the Kung Fu Panda franchise in the creative world of Minecraft. This month I will discuss another goofy video; it's a scene from the 1966 Batman film where Batman himself gets attacked by a shark. I admit I haven't seen the movie myself but I wanted to talk about this one particular scene nonetheless!
What's it about?
Batman and Robin are flying a helicopter directly above the ocean waters. Batman is hanging onto the ladder while Robin pilots the vehicle. Batman looks around with a surprised expression before telling his sidekick "Take her up". Our hero probably said that because the ladder was partially submerged, so Robin followed orders and increased the altitude of the vehicle, moving away from the water as a result. Unfortunately, a shark bites Batman's leg and won't let go. Oh no! Robin notices and declares "Holy sardine!" What an appropriate reaction!
The Caped Crusader whacks the shark multiple times with his arm, however this proves to be a useless effort as the attacker doesn't release its grip. Knowing that he cannot get rid of the shark alone, Batman exclaims "Hand me down the Shark Repellent Bat Spray!" Robin grabs the correct repellent from the selection (more on that later) and descends the ladder to reach Batman… in the slowest and most dramatic way possible.
As the sidekick makes his way to the hero, the latter still attempts to fight off the shark. When Robin finally makes it, he hands Batman the Bat Shark Repellent upside-down, as if it couldn't get any more bizarre. Batman then sprays the shark, causing it to lose its grasp and fall into the ocean, creating a huge explosion upon impact with the sea's surface. Wow.
Interesting observations
- The repellents Robin had to choose from include Barracuda Repellent, Whale Repellent, Manta Ray Repellent and Shark Repellent.
- It took Robin 41 seconds to reach Batman. He started his descent at 0:48 and handed Batman the Bat Shark Repellent at 1:29.
- The quality of the video makes this video even more hilarious!
- Dramatic orchestra music plays throughout the entirety of the scene.
- How is the helicopter still on course when Robin exits it to assist Batman?
- The shark exploded not because it hit the water's surface, but from a bomb strapped to it.
- Additionally, the shark was an attempt by the United Underworld (a group of villains) to kill Batman.
- "Holy Sardine!" is one of many of Robin's iconic exclamations.
| The 'Shroom: Issue 216 | |
|---|---|
| Staff sections | Staff Notes • The 'Shroom Spotlight • Poochy's Picks • Poll Chairperson Address • Credits |
| Features | Fake News • Fun Stuff • Palette Swap • Pipe Plaza • Critic Corner • Strategy Wing |
