The 'Shroom:Issue 215/Fake News
Director's Notes
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk)
Hello there, Fake News readers! It's cold outside and I don't like it, I'm ready for when we get to have a green background on the main page. I played some Super Mario Sunshine and listened to music with summertime vibes but it's not helping. So why not stay inside where it's warm instead and read some brand new 'Shroom sections?
We've got several one-offs this month! Boo1268 has written a News Flush about a mysterious influx of interdimensional portals, ClawgripFan9001 is doing what Nintendon't and celebrating Waluigi's 25th anniversary with a Game Corner based on our favorite purple troublemaker, and our very own Sub-Director Sparks (talk) is making his Fake News debut, warning you about some rowdy characters on the loose in The Triple A Gang! We've also got the ever-dubious Spooks Booley making his return in another Diggin' Up Dirt, a deep pull from old New York news in Mushroom Tribune, temporarily renamed Brooklyn Beat: From the Archives, and Boo1268 joining that notorious antilogician Pyrokles in the latest edition of The Sorcery Show! Plus all your other favorite regulars! What a great time to be reading Fake News.
Do you want to join this cool team of cool people writing cool things? I hope so, because we're always happy to take new writers! Everything you need to get started with an application is on our sign up page, or if you'd like to write a one-off volunteer section, we take those too - no application necessary! Just send it to me privately and I'll help you get everything sorted out. Whether you want to pay tribute to your favorite parts of the Mario franchise like ClawgripFan, or do some storytelling like Boo1268 and Sparks, we're always happy to see what you come up with!
Section of the Month
The votes are in, and it's yet another win for The Sunshine Travel Guide by TheBlueCatMenace! Taking a trip to Concordia from Mario & Luigi: Brothership, it looks like the setting of Mario's latest RPG outing really connected with readers. See what I did there? In second place, Shoey (talk) and Hooded Pitohui (talk)'s newest Mushroom Tribune took us back to Dinosaur Land with a debate over restoration of the Twin Bridges, and finally in third, DryBonesBandit (talk) visited Egg Island to analyze the Blow Hard. A real globetrotting edition for SOTM this month! Be sure to keep supporting our writers with your votes and Poochy's Picks nominations!
| FAKE NEWS SECTION OF THE MONTH | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Place | Section | Votes | % | Writer |
| 1st | The Sunshine Travel Guide | 14 | 30.43% | TheBlueCatMenace |
| 2nd | Mushroom Tribune | 10 | 21.74% | Shoey (talk) and Hooded Pitohui (talk) |
| 3rd | Dry Dry Data | 8 | 17.39% | DryBonesBandit (talk) |
Written by: Boo1268
SUPERSTITIOUS SPIRIT CLAIMS THAT THE END IS NEAR!
Recently over the past month, the Elvin Gadd University of Science Discovery and Innovation had been notified by prominent writer and member of the High Elites of High Society (or more commonly known as the Mushroom Elite) Boo1268 that an EXTREME amount of interdimensional portals have been showing up in the Mushroom Kingdom, mainly New Wikisburg.
He claimed that the influx of portals could, quote, “cause the fabric of our REALITY TO UNRAVEL AS A RESULT WITH PORTALS TO OTHER REALMS BECOMING UNSTABLE THAT COULD DESTROY OUR UNIVERSE AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT!”. Boo1268’s close family and friends have stated that after he investigated the supposed “influx” of portal sightings, he had seemingly become isolated and is currently seen by the general public as insane.
Especially since prior to the self isolation, Boo1268 had sent several letters to EGU suggesting for the removal and/or discontinuation of their new “portal project” which would allow for the use of interdimensional travel and innovative scientific discoveries, and as a bonus, would provide a safer and more affordable way of traveling in the modern era.
However, Boo1268 had made seemingly aggressive claims that the project would do more harm than good. Quote from the [Request to cease action upon the EGU portal project]:
Dear Dr. Elvin Gadd, Head Researcher, President, and Founder of the EGU:
Hello my good sir. It is I, Boo1268 again. I have written the university multiple times to inform them of the harm your new project is causing, but it seems my requests are constantly being denied. So I decided to write to you personally to Inform you that your project, simply put, is out of control. Your portal project could lead to disastrous results that could affect not only the Mushroom Kingdom, but also to my account, the WHOLE WORLD AS A RESULT! You and your team’s senseless need for “innovation” and total disregard for the well-being of our citizens, simply put, disgusts me. Good sir, you are risking thousands of lives by opening up the portals you use for your so called “tests”, and not to mention the fact that they case tears in the FABRIC OF OUR REALITY could, in my opinion, lead to DISASTROUS results. And while I am no scientist, I am well versed in magic and forms of the supernatural, and I can see clearly that you fools are messing with powers out of your control, so I humbly ask that you quickly cease operation of your portal project before things get dicey.
Sincerely,
-Boo1268 The Fancy Phantom
This letter Prompted a response by Dr. Elvin Gadd, president of the EGU.
Dear Mr. Boo1268,
I assure you that the work we do here at EGU is completely safe and within the bounds of our morals. We would not want to risk harm to those who support our projects, but I'm afraid you are mistaken. We like to put our citizens first and provide better options to help in our citizens’ daily lives, thus the portal project was born. We want to help lessen our carbon footprint by allowing for a more available source of travel, and trust us when we say we know what we are doing, so best leave it to the professionals. You said it yourself, you are no scientist, so please leave the work to those who are good in their field of expertise and allow us to relieve your concerns. And if you have any problems in the future, please contact us on our designated hotline. Thank you and goodbye.
-Dr. Elivin Gadd, President of the EGU
Recently, interviewers asked many prominent members of the New Wikisburg community for their opinions on the matter.
Specture Striker: “Well, I will say that he's never acted quite like this before, sure, sometimes he can get obsessed over some history and he also has a bit of an adventurous side to him, but I would never call him crazy! But this is something I've never seen from him before! So I don't know what to say.”
Waluigi Time: “Portals? Sounds fun! Think of how many new ‘Shroom writers we can get! Oh, you wanted to know what I think about Boo1268? Ehh, I think he’s just being paranoid. Kind of reminds me of Shbeeg. ‘Waluigi Time, don’t open portals to other dimensions, you’ll unravel reality.’ It’ll be fine!”
Sparks: "Honestly, I'm not opposed to all of these portals. I've seen many characters teleport in various media, but I never actually experienced the wonders of it myself. I could get from there to there and even there in just seconds or maybe less! I understand Boo's emotions and how he feels about this, but sometimes we all need excitement in our lives! I say yes to the best transportation there is! What could go wrong?"
Hooded Pitohui: "Ah, the EGUSDI portal project, is that right? I'm cautiously optimistic about the work they're doing with that. Admittedly, I do feel as though the project would benefit from more transparency… I wouldn't mind if they would release some of the literature to assuage any concerns out there… Perhaps it would help bring peace to Boo1268, as well. The poor specter has been quite distressed by this project for some reason. I do understand some concern, but this… how do I put it… fixation is overblown. Surely the experts know what they are doing!"
ClawgripFan9001: “Yar, I do be understandin’ where me boy Boo1268 be comin’ from with ‘is concern ‘bout this portal project Professor Gadd be workin’ on, an’ while I wouldn’t call Boo1268 crazy or anythin’, I do feel that the lad be a bit on the o’erly cautious side. Professor Gadd been in the science business fer years, so surely ‘e knows what ‘e be doin’, yar?”
Meta Knight: “I consider myself well-traveled across the stars, so a bunch of inter-dimensional portals is just another Tuesday for me. Whether or not the Mushroom Kingdom is ready for such direct access to these high energy wormholes is yet to be seen, but they've seen crazier as well. Overall I'm not too concerned. If Boo1268 truly reaches a point of insanity beyond return, then the Mario brothers can figure out a way to deal with all the upcoming chaos if these portals do become a problem.”
As for Boo1268, we recently scheduled an interview with him, asking for his side of the story and his response to individuals titling him insane: “I just KNOW something fishy is going on with them! If they care SOOO much about their product and how it can help mankind travel faster, then why are they being so vague about it? I've done my research and in my opinion, this is something they shouldn't be messing with! But NOOOOOO, let's not listen to the ghost who does history for his job, let's just ignore him and call him crazy! DO I LOOK CRAZY TO YOU!?!?!”
Suffice to say, things have begun to escalate, with Boo1268 commenting after the interview, saying “If no one will help me then I'll find someone else who can!”. It is unknown to many what Boo1268 will do at this time. We at The ‘Shroom will keep you updated on this situation as it develops.
Dear Waluigi Time
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk)
Questions submitted by: Zange, Boo1268, and Sparks
Dear Waluigi Time,
For the last three weeks, I have been trying to buy a certain dipping sauce from the Mart of Wal. However they are always out of it by the time I buy my groceries without fail!! I do not speak lightly when I say that this is some of the BEST sauce I have had in YEARS, and I am extremely upset that I haven't been able to eat it with my chicken fingers for the past three weeks. How do I get my dang sauce?!?
- someone who will commit crimes for this sauce
The problem is that you're giving other people too many opportunities to get to the sauce! Sure, you could come up with a convoluted plan of doing your shopping ridiculously early in the morning, or maybe meticulously tracking the schedules of the stockers, but what if it's not the customers getting to the sauce first? It could be an inside job! Who's stopping the employees from cutting open a box of sauce in the storage room and pocketing it before it ever even makes it to the store shelves? That's right, nobody!
Fortunately, that gives you the perfect opportunity to get your hands on the sauce. That's right, you're going to get a job there! With your newfound powers of employment, you'll be able to find out exactly when the sauce arrives and will have the ability to get as much of it as you can possibly carry before anyone else. And the best part is that they'll even be paying you, which means you can offset the cost of the sauce with your paycheck. In other words, basically free sauce!
If you run into any trouble actually landing the job or passing background checks or whatever, just get a blue vest and throw it on. You'll easily pass for an employee, and no one will notice you going into the stockroom when you're not supposed to. Probably. The only downside to this plan is you don't get basically free sauce, but hey, sauce is sauce.
Dear Waluigi Time, I've recently discovered a vast amount of interdimensional portals spanning all over New Wikisburg, but people think I'm crazy for making a big deal out of this. BUT THIS COULD LITERALLY TEAR OPEN THE FABRIC OF REALITY so WHAT DO I DO? I need people to listen to me but they just won't, so how can I make people aware of this, or more rather, how can I stop it!?! -From Boo1268 The Fancy Phantom
I don't know, I think interdimensional portals sound fun! When did a little rift in the fabric of reality ever hurt anyone? I hear it's all the rage in Chaos Town. But if there's one thing I've learned, it's that if you're having trouble getting people to listen to you, it just means you're not being loud and annoying enough. So be louder and more annoying! This has definitely never backfired, especially not with anything to do with F-Zero racers. Your presence is unwanted? Who cares! Be present anyway. Don't let anyone escape the message you're trying to send! It works especially well if you encounter the same person multiple times on the same day.
If you've reached your maximum levels of volume and irritation with no success, then obviously you haven't made the situation seem important enough. Feel free to embellish as much as possible! Oh, you think those interdimensional portals aren't a big deal? Well what if I told you they were all going to spawn massive dragons that can create more portals to spawn even more dragons?! So what if you don't have any sources for this claim (obviously not, you made it up), you can't stay around to provide any because the situation is just that dire and you have to go tell more people.
Some people will say this advice is terrible. I say tell them to try and get people's attention with their normal boring ways and see how it works out for them.
Dear Waluigi Time,
Howdy! Ah'm used ta sendin' letters by scrolls, but lately Ah've grown rather fond of usin' this here thing called "the internet". I dunno how it works exactly, but it sure beats havin' to get a dragon! I can do it by maself!
Anyway, this isn't what'd ya call a "Friendship Lesson", but rather an "advice seekin' situation". See, my family was mailed this strange relic never seen in the history of Equestria - somethin' called a "Nintendo Switch" if I recall. Not only that, but there was a container wrapped in plastic. I looked on the cover and it read "Super Mario Party".
My big sis spent about an hour gettin' the dang thing to work, and I'd say she did a really great job at figurin' it out! We were the only ones home at the time, but we made the decision ta try out this "Super Mario Party". Usin' these strange colorful remotes we navigated the menus and got to choose these strange creatures to represent us? I can't think of their names at the moment, but I do remember selectin' this bipedal turtle wearin' shoes while Applejack chose the one with the ponytail - she liked her. Turns out, this is a mega fun party game! We should invite Pinkie Pie over next time.
Well… it would've been a mega fun party game if we knew 'ow to properly hold these colorful remotes. They just fly off our hooves even when we put on the "safety strap"! This might not've been made with ponies in mind. Do you have a solution as to how ta use them to their full potential? Pressin' the buttons is also tougher than pickin' apples durin' a thunderstorm.
The reason Ah'm askin' you and not Princess Twilight is because we saw a fancy purple fellow in overalls dancin' during one of the minigames we played. You look almost identical to him - are you two the same character or am I seein' double? Perhaps it was a sign to contact you as you might know somethin' about this. Whatever the reasoning is, Ah really hope you can solve our problem. How exactly do we use the remotes correctly?
Sincerely, Apple Bloom
Well, I'm impressed that you managed to type all that without having any fingers, so maybe the Joy-Con learning curve isn't as steep as it first appears. Unfortunately, these controllers are really only designed with humanoids in mind, which does kind of make game nights awkward around here when some of us are stuck with bouquets of roses or fingerless stumps for hands. But for every problem worth solving, there's usually a solution!
Fortunately, I have a horse on my own staff that I can test solutions out with! He's a good man, but overly chatty about dairy products. Anyway, I believe I've figured out the optimal Joy-Con setup for anyone with hooves. Trying to keep them loose isn't going to cut it, instead you're going to want to slot them into the Joy-Con Grip that hopefully came with your Switch. It's the funky thing shaped like a sideways E! Now you can set it down on a flat surface. When pushing buttons, don't bring your entire hoof down on it or you'll push too many at once, or worse, stomp the controller into oblivion. (I'll just say I'm glad I used the pair that drifts while testing this.) Just use the edge instead, that way you can get more precision.
P.S. Waluigi isn't me, I'm afraid. But doesn't he look handsome?
Looks like I have more business than I can handle! Questions are temporarily restricted to first-time submitters only while I work through the backlog. If you've never sent in a question before and have one that you'd like answered, stop by the forum thread for this section, or contact me on my talk page!
Written by: Boo1268
Ferocious Fangs for Fair Maidens
Hello, readers of all walks of life, and welcome to The Spectral Lens. It's that time of year again my friends, the time where love is in the air and hearts flutter with joy amongst the breeze of windswept love, your heart beating fast as you share a moment with your special someone. But sharing love with someone and going on dates isn't the only way to get your heart pumping this time of year. Sometimes in your life you need some action, adventure, maybe a little bit of drama, but most of all you need some BLOODSHED! And all that comes in spades in this heart-pounding history behind the profound Plumpbelly Village, and I'm here to tell you chaps all about it. So let us begin, shall we?
Fun Fact: Some copies of the final Super Luigi issue had a production error where instead of the cover being a nice crimson red, the cover is in fact a golden yellow. This was quickly fixed thereafter, but now these rare golden cover issues are sought out by collectors everywhere.
Our story begins as I was reading the second novel in the Super Luigi series titled Allies in Adventure. The story itself is very entertaining and I always find myself on the edge of my seat at least once or twice when rereading them, but as I began to read the story once again, I soon had a thought, that being was any part of the story actually true? And while some might deny the factuality of the Super Luigi series, believing it to just be fan novels written by a fan of the Green Thunder wanting to give the spotlight to The Hero’s Shadow, I genuinely wondered if the story actually had some merit to it, since more often than not, most tall tales have a hint of truth in them. And so, I began to research as I have always done before to see if these best-selling novels were more fact than fiction, and soon I had received my answer. The stories were real and based off of actual events, but soon I became invested in the history behind these stupendous stories and wanted to dig deeper, so I soon found myself taking a trip to the prominent Plumpbelly Village located in the Strudel Continent, one of many continents located within the Waffle Kingdom’s territory, hoping to learn more about the village’s horrific history and to find out if all of it was true.
After arriving in the village, I soon found myself taking in the local culture which was in fact a proud collection of homes consisting of many wealthy aristocrats and royal bloodline families all collected within this region of the Waffle Kingdom. However, contrary to popular belief, many members of the community were surprisingly humble about their vast amount of wealth. In fact, once I began to do research about the town, hoping to see if the events that took place in the novel were in fact factual, the mayor of Plumpbelly Village, being honored that I took interest in their history and got along so well with the locals (in which I must say they were all a fine pair of chaps), the mayor, being the kind man that he was, invited me to a joyous celebration they were holding in honor of the “Knight in Green”. The celebration mainly consisted of a wondrous feast and ball dance. I of course accepted the invitation and attended the celebration quickly. Thereafter at the celebration, I was able to learn about the village and its detailed history from the locals and even from the mayor himself, and dear readers, what I had found shocked me to my spiritual core.
For you, see many years ago Plumpbelly Village was at one point the complete opposite of how it is today, being filled to the brim with the scummiest, pompous, and most downright detestable billionaires known to mankind, who not only enjoyed trampling on the poor, but also the other rich members of their society. For them it was a dog eat dog world where only the richest families would marry into other rich families just to increase their social status and wealth, nothing else. There was no humility behind their hearts, and those who served them were nothing more than scum to them, treating the lowest class like animals, and the animals they would treat even worse, seeing them as wastes of space and only existed to eventually be snuffed out by them. But one day, a tiny snake had come into the town hoping to find shelter from the harsh conditions. However, no matter where the twin-headed snake turned, all he was met with was spite for him just existing as he was being labeled a “freak” and eventually ran out of town. But this heartless act committed by the citizens of Plumpbelly Village would seal many of their citizens’ fates. Several years later, after taking shelter in a nearby cave during a storm and discovering a mysterious relic that was held inside, the town had found itself under the rule of a ferocious twin-headed scaled beast named Hizza.
Fun Fact: Did you know it's supposed that Hizza might belong to the same phylum as the Hooktail and Draggadon Family? This might explain its most notable characteristics such as snout shape and teeth size.
Hizza wanted nothing but revenge against those who shunned him and made him heartless, but ruling over a town and stealing all the people’s riches wasn't enough. No, Hizza wanted more. Recently due to his size, Hizza commonly found it hard to acquire enough food to satisfy his appetite, so while he was ruling over the town, he got a wicked, twisted, devilish idea. If the townspeople really cared all that much for their royal bloodline, then they would be willing to sacrifice anything to preserve it. So every three months, Hizza would demand one of the town’s most beautiful maidens to be sacrificed to him so that all of the town folk would continue to live in peace and be free from his terror, even if it was just for a little while. And just to add salt to the wound, Hizza ordered that all the maidens would be dressed up in bride’s gowns when sacrificed. And so, this vicious cycle would continue for almost a year and a half, until one day a mysterious green stranger came to town.
Fun Fact: Did you know that Jerry is a subspecies of Bob-omb called a Cherry Bob-omb? They don't explode as big, but have a much more powerful blast and they smell like cherries!
The Green Champion, as the townsfolk like to call him, came into town one day in search for a piece of the Marvelous Compass, as he was on a quest to find them all to save a fair princess. However, Mayor Trumberg (the current town mayor at the time) pleaded for the valiant hero to defeat Hizza, who had wanted his daughter as the most recent sacrifice. So with the aid of his Crimson Companion and Golden Guardian, the champion scaled the mountain where Hizza’s Lair was located. Then, under the guise of a fair maiden, the hero was able to fool Hizza’s servants and ultimately be able to engage in a conflict with the beast. The battle was fierce, but ultimately the hero was able to trick the spiteful serpent into attacking himself, consuming himself in the process! Ultimately, this would end his reign over the citizens of Plumpbelly Village and once again bring peace back to the village, this time seemingly forever. The citizens of the town celebrated their newfound heroes for slaying the foul beast and hosted a grand feast for them in their honor, and the mayor, who was so impressed by the heroes’ skills, asked the champion to marry his daughter. However, the hero declined and left the village early the next morning. After this horrific event, the citizens of Plumpbelly Village took it upon themselves to recollect on their previous actions, and soon found that despite Hizza’s harsh actions, they were only taken due to the town’s cruel actions towards him. So as a result of this, the town, and more importantly its members of high society, had decided from then on to diverge from their path of cruelty and engage in a path of generosity. They began helping the poor, being kind to those they meet, giving shelter to those who needed it, and marrying because of genuine love for one another and not just for profit. Ultimately, these simple yet impactful actions lead them to where they are now.
Speaking of, now after the grand feast and a wonderful ball dance with the current mayor’s daughter, getting to socialise with the townsfolk and learn all about the town’s wonders and “bloody” good history straught about the place, I soon found myself being taken aside by the mayor's daughter into a balcony staring up at the night sky and discovered something even more shocking. For you see, the mayor, seeing how kind, humble, and joyful I was, believed that he had found a suitable groom for his daughter, and he had asked her to ask me to marry her. And for the first time in a while, I was at a loss for words. I truly was honored by the offer and did consider it for some time, but while this truly fair maiden was beautiful and seemed like a joy to be around, and the citizens and mayor were so kind to me and enjoyed my presence, I unfortunately had to decline and return home. I was, simply put, not ready for that kind of commitment yet. But before I left, I departed some words of wisdom onto the fair maiden, which I will now impart onto you, my friends: “You are a unique and wonderful individual who will find your special someone someday, but that is not something you can force. Simply put, it comes naturally, and while you may not think you are beautiful just the way you are, just know that you are somebody’s type, you just haven’t met who that somebody is yet”, and then I left. And so, with that, our story ends. I hope you all enjoy this issue of The Spectral Lens. I had plenty of fun doing the research for it, but for now, I have a certain university that needs a good talking to about an unsafe project they are currently doing. But that is for another time, my dear friends, and I just wanted to say if you have any suggestions for what I should look into next time, make sure to check out my official forum page. I always love what you chaps suggest! So don't be afraid to give me suggestions. Also, make sure to check out a very special poll that will be coming out once this issue is posted. And with that, I say: Merci, au revoir and happy Valentine's Day!
Written by: Wallace Ulysses
Wa-ha-hello there, faithful readers of The ‘Shroom! My name is Wallace Ulysses, and I’m here today to volunteer for The ‘Shroom’s Fake News team on behalf of my beloved hero, Waluigi! You see, the year 2025 marks the twenty-fifth anniversary of Waluigi’s character debut in Mario Tennis for the Nintendo 64, but because 2025 also happens to be the fortieth anniversary of Super Mario Brothers on the Nintendo Entertainment System, Nintendo has likely decided to prioritize that over giving Waluigi his own year like they did with Luigi in 2013! Can you believe it?! A character as grand as Waluigi isn’t worthy enough to get his own year dedicated to him in honor of his twenty-fifth anniversary?! Baloney! Baloney, I say! So that’s why I, Wallace Ulysses have taken upon myself to host an unofficial Year of Waluigi, with my first contribution to said Year of Waluigi being to present this edition of Game Corner for all you readers of The ‘Shroom! Now please hold on to your seats, because I’m about to bring you some shocking news I’ve picked up through back channels within Diamond City-based game developer WarioWare Incorporated; They’re developing Waluigi, his very own game! Feast your Waluigi-loving eyes on this!
Waluigi World
Game Genre: 3D Platformer
Console: Nintendo Switch 2
Date of Release: December 2025
Plot
Waluigi is sitting around his luxury penthouse at the top of Plumberdam Tower in New Donk City one night, reading a book he had bought from a traveling merchant earlier that day. Little does Waluigi know that the book is magic, and upon finishing the first chapter of the book, our purple-clad anti-hero is sucked into the book and is magically transported to the world inside the book. He then meets one of the locals of the world he has become part of, a noble princess named Aragem, who informs Waluigi that her homeworld of Sthena is under attack by the evil forces of her grandfather in-law, Orcsun, whom had brainwashed her husband, Lescrah into doing his bidding. Waluigi agrees to help save Sthena from Orcsun’s destructive escapades in exchange for being sent home, and the two of them set out to free the various gods, goddesses and other deities of the world so that they can defeat Orcsun and restore order to Sthena.
Gameplay
The player controls Waluigi throughout eight different worlds, each consisting of eight stages and a boss level where the player has to defeat a boss in order to free one of the gods, goddesses and deities being held captive by Orcsun’s mighty generals. Each regular stage has a non-linear pattern in which Waluigi must find his way around and destroy each of the evil Orcsun’s sculpture busts so that he may open the exit to complete the stage. After completing each regular stage, Waluigi collects an Ancient Treasure of Sthena.
In each regular stage, Waluigi has to face a beastly array of enemies that serve as the military might of Orcsun, which Waluigi can defeat with a wide variety of high speed dance moves. These moves range from Waluigi spinning around to make his enemies dizzy, throwing his hat to stun enemies, moonwalking which will both shield Waluigi from projectile-based attacks and damage enemies that can’t be harmed by regular frontal attacks, and dancing the Hopak to deal multiple kick attacks on enemies and open otherwise obstructed paths.
The game also features a special Rhythm Meter that can be filled by collecting differently colored musical notes from defeated enemies. When the Rhythm Meter is completely filled, Waluigi can perform a special Group Dance that causes all enemies present on the screen to come towards Waluigi and perform a choreographic group dance with him, which, upon completion, wipes out all enemies on screen.
A variety of power-ups also exist in the game that allow Waluigi to take on various forms based around well-known dancing styles and famous dancing artists, such as the Power Rose, which will transform Waluigi into Walanova, a form based around flamenco dancing; the Bopping Bulb, which will transform Waluigi into Walliver Cheatham, a form based around disco dancing; the Gecko Master, which will transform Waluigi into Warls Bronx, a form based around breakdancing; and the invincibility power-up called the Jack Stone, which will transform Waluigi into the invincible Waluandroid, a robotic form that allows Waluigi to temporarily fly, shoot lasers, and scatter bombs to annihilate his enemies.
Now that’s a game that’s guaranteed to do Waluigi justice where Nintendo won’t do it themselves, am I right? Be sure to buy this game when it hits the retail stores and the online shopping sites this holiday season, not just for Waluigi, but also for everyone who loves Waluigi, including yourself! I know that I will! Sadly, this is about all the time we have to praise my beloved hero Waluigi, so I’m going to have to sign off here! My name is Wallace Ulysses, and until next time, keep calm, and Waluigi on!
Dry Dry Data
Written by: DryBonesBandit (talk)
Welcome back to my slice of the 'Shroom! I’m your host, DryBonesBandit, and yesterday was Valentine's Day. Despite the common focus on hearts this time of year, we’re covering a different symbol today, by studying the Music Bash (doremi fasolati), the bounding beats most known for their usage in kart racing. Without further ado, let’s dive in.
The Adventure
Without an idea of what to do, I turned on my television, and scrolled through random channels because I had nothing better to do, and I landed on a kart racing channel called “MKTV”, which I had never heard of before. I was hooked on the show and watched for about an hour until a track called “Music Park” was selected. Instantly, I noticed these large, note-like creatures on the course. I knew then that these were to be my next subject, so I purchased a ticket to watch a game in person and headed out the next day.
However, when I arrived at the track, some pit crew Toads (fungus sapien) approached me, and they told me they’d “get my kart ready”. That’s when I realized: I misclicked and bought a ticket to race. Not wanting to be booed, I picked a vehicle that looked like my favorite bug and was helped to the finish line. Now is a good time to tell you readers that I can’t drive. When the race started I ended up in twelfth place right off the bat and got lapped pretty quickly. Wanting to salvage my section, I rolled up to the Music Bashes on the track… and got squished. Needless to say, I had a terrible race. And for those of you wondering, yes, I got last place.
The Analysis
The creatures identified as Music Bashes are large, black creatures, similar in shape to a hammer. Their bodies are black cylinders, with an orange nose, pure white eyes, and an ever-happy expression. They have noteheads on top, which are commonly thought of as hair of sorts, but is actually a tail. An interesting thing I found during research is that their tails have different appearances based on gender; if it has an angle, they are male, and if it doesn’t, they are the opposite; all of these bouncing notes you’ll find on the race course are male, by the way. Last for their looks, they grow larger over time; the young ones can be seen on the sidelines, watching the races.
As for how they behave? Their other common name, “Bouncing Notes”, explains it all. They hop to whatever beat they hear, typically metronomically, to get around. They aren’t aggressive and are commonly peaceful, being vegetarians that like to eat leaves from trees. If they crush you, it’s not on purpose, unless you’re in a kart race.
If you want to be their friend, I’d suggest playing classical music, as I’ve found that they love that. Another tip; don’t call them “Bouncing Notes”; they like to remind people that they came before the musical marker and will squish you in a matter of seconds. If you don’t heed this advice, play slow music and flee.
The end
Remember, leave me a suggestion on my talk page or on the Mario Boards!
The Triple A Gang
We interrupt this program for a breaking news report! A trio of Bowser's minions have formed a group known as "The Triple A Gang" and are currently committing crimes all throughout the Mushroom Kingdom. I'm Tattle Toad and I'll provide all the necessary information you need to defend yourself and your families from these troublemakers.
The Triple A Gang is composed of an Anglefish, Armad and Ant Trooper. Strangely, none of them are from the Mushroom Kingdom, but from the far-off lands of the Sprixie and Flower Kingdoms. Why are they here and why are they causing mayhem? Being your local news network, we're not allowed to give any opinions or make any assumptions. We wouldn't be reliable if that were the case! Unfortunately, Mario and Luigi are nowhere to be seen; eyewitnesses claim that the two were vacuumed into a vortex that mysteriously appeared in the sky. Heck, the same applies for Princess Peach and most of Bowser's minions, including the Koopa king himself! Anyways, here's everything you need to know about The Triple A Gang's members!
The Armad, giving himself the nickname "Rough n' Tough" is the brawn's of the trio. Being an Armad, he curls up into a ball before rolling high-speed at his enemies, usually knocking them high into the air and out of the way. We've received reports about him being stronger AND faster than a Chargin' Chuck. Not only is he good at fighting but he "opens" buildings by breaking open their locked front doors. He is very dangerous, but fortunately he does have a weakness! Whenever Rough n' Tough makes contact with a slope, he will always roll down it. For the highest safety possible, we recommend finding shelter on the peaks hills/mountains. Even the tiniest slope will provide protection! As for his appearance, Rough n' Tough is simply an Armad with a blue scarf around his neck.
Next up is the Ant Trooper, known as "Biker Annie". She wears a signature purple biker helmet with goggles attached. Annie earned her name for being an expert motorcycle biker; she drives because her movement on-foot is below average. I bet you're wondering "How can an Ant Trooper drive a motorcycle if they have no arms?" Annie's motorcycle has pedals that attach to her feet, allowing Annie to stay on while simultaneously steering the bike. Outside of biking, Annie became a sensation due to her adorable appearance. She captured the attention of every Koopa Bank employee to provide the perfect distraction for Rough n' Tough to break into the bank's vault, earning The Triple A Gang millions of coins! Nobody even knew of the heist until after Annie left. Being a pacifist, Biker Annie does not fight back no matter what happens. She's also tough as a brick, so she isn't totally defenseless! Just make sure you aren't distracted by her cute charm.
Lastly I'll explain the leader of the group, an Anglefish who goes by "The Kingfin". He serves as the self-proclaimed leader of the trio despite being confined in a fish tank just big enough for him. The Kingfin is also the Brains, planning out their crimes in advance and drawing the notes of each and every single plan - pictures included! He also doesn't participate in the action itself, but leaves his two buddies to do the deeds. That's what happens when you're restricted to a fish tank. He gets around because of the side car on Biker Annie's motorcycle. Now, if there were any water-related tasks, then that'd be a different story, unlike the other two members of The Triple A Gang, Kingfin here does not have any accessories, so he could be mistaken for an ordinary Anglefish if nobody's paying attention.
We're about to show you a Wanted Poster of The Triple A Gang.
Huh. It looks to be that someone used crayons or the like to draw on top of the poster to add the accessories for two of the members. Uh… OK, well these may or may not resemble what they actually look like, but it's good to know that they stand out from their species.
If you see any of The Triple A Gang, immediately call Mushroom Kingdom officials! Whoever does so will receive 100,000 coins if they're caught and imprisoned. Always be on the lookout for these unorthodox mischief-makers! Now that you have the info you need, we now return to your regularly scheduled programming. This is Tattle Toad, signing off!
Brooklyn Beat: From the Archives
Written by: Shoey (talk) and Hooded Pitohui (talk)
"From the Archives" is a column in Brooklyn Beat which shows the real perspective on your local history. The articles are presented exactly as originally published, giving you the true view on our borough's history. No bias, no changing for the times. In this issue from December of 1984, the Brooklyn Beat reported on the so-called controversy surrounding the recently-opened Donkey Kong Circus, shut down just six months later after the disappearance of its owner.
Donkey Kong Circus Accused of Cruelty by Animal Rights Activists
A tense standoff ensued on Saturday morning outside of the recently-established big top tent of the Donkey Kong Circus, the rabble-rousing animal rights activists ultimately removed from the premises by circus staff. The activists, our beat reporters tell us, spent the morning stopping passersby and pulling customers out of line at the circus' ticket booth, pushing pamphlets and soliciting signatures for a petition to shut down the circus. The activists allege that Donkey Kong, former terror of the city, is unjustly compelled to perform as the circus' star, and allege that the act featuring Donkey Kong incorporates dangerous conditions and constitutes an act of animal cruelty.
Forcing a pamphlet on a reporter on the scene before removal, one activist had the following to say:
What's happening under this tent is inhumane and unconscionable, and Brooklynites need to rise up immediately to put a stop to this! This is animal cruelty if I've ever seen it. Making an ape avoid fire? You think it's not painful for a Kong to get their fur singed? You wouldn't be laughing if that were your kid up there instead of an animal, would you, boss? And what, poor Donkey Kong is putting in overtime to avoid getting serious burns, and you'd laugh at him for dropping a pineapple? Bogus, man. Free Donkey Kong now! Free DK! Who cares if this Mario guy rescued some damsel. He's a criminal! Shut it down!
Locals have strongly supported the Donkey Kong Circus since its opening on September 6th, with tickets selling out for every weekend performance. Audiences have given the act rave reviews, calling seeing the big ape balancing on a barrel and trying to juggle pineapples in the air hilarious and cathartic after the scenes he has caused in the borough. Circus staff defended the performance from its critics, saying:
All this cruelty talk's the biggest load of bull I ever heard. C'mon, you think we're gonna let the monkey catch on fire? Be real. If he catches on fire, he's gonna go running around and burn the whole tent to the ground. Listen- Listen here. Donkey Kong is a trained performer. There's no risk. Nada! Zilch! It's perfectly safe, and, hey, he's getting a better deal than he used to. You know he gets to eat those pineapple chunks when the show's over, yeah? So don't worry about him, he's living the high life. Better to be raking in loads of dough and earning fans balancing on a barrel than throwing 'em. What we're doing's the opposite of cruelty.
Despite their removal, the activists vowed to keep gathering signatures for their petition and to see the circus shut down. The circus, in response, has vowed to keep operating until the stands go empty. Before these activists drag out meetings around our neighborhoods, we ask our long-time reporters Earl "The Shoe" Ford and James "The Hood" Wheeler to weigh in on this Kongtroversy.
|
You know-. You know what, Shoe? I'm just gonna say it. These activists? They got a point this time around. I know it's the spice of the show, but this fire's too much. You can't risk setting an ape on fire! I mean, for once, they're right. Go out in the wild and make an ape go through trial by fire, you'd call it cruel, wouldn't'ya? What's different here, huh? Tell me, what's different here. This circus is nothing without its monkey, and if you can't run the circus without the monkey, then don't have the circus. Simple as. |
| Now look, I'm not saying that Mario guy's a criminal or none of that. That's going too far with all of this. He saved that dame Pauline, and that's a pretty big deal. But, you consider this now. If he hadn't brought the monkey out here in the first place, there never would've been a kidnapped dame and ol' Stanley would've never had his greenhouse wrecked. And this danger ain't going away. If anything, we're gonna see more of this monkey business. I hear there's already a copycat running a show called "Crazy Kong". Sure, Mario got that ape back in his cage when he acted up, but are we expecting every Tom, Dick, and Harry who sees a quick buck will be able to do the same? | |
| You ever stop to think maybe he's acting out 'cause of culture shock? I hear there are rumors Donkey Kong has a kid that tried to swipe the key to his cage from Mario! If they're smart enough to have a bond like that, they're smart enough to feel out of place here. Now, they're saying that this circus act is giving DK the best life he's gonna live here in the big city, and, sure, let's go with that. But then you gotta ask, why's he got to be in the city at all? Maybe it is cruelty to have the big guy cooped up in cages and circus tents in a concrete jungle. Maybe that's why he went mad and nabbed Pauline in the first place, and by making him give us some cheap laughs in the circus, we're just setting him up to go on another rampage. Again, they got a point this time. It's safer for him if he goes back wherever Mario got him from. Bring down the big top and send DK back! | |
|
You know something, Hood? This is a whole lot of nothing! My family and I are huge fans of the Donkey Kong Circus. It's a wholesome fun for the whole family who aren't looking to get gouged like at the movie theater. As someone who has not only seen the act several times, but also paid extra for backstage tickets multiple times, I can confirm that Donkey Kong lives like a king!!! A spacious cage that would put most one-bedroom apartments in the city to shame, state of the art dumbbells for him to exercise with, and all the fresh fruits he can eat! How can anybody honestly say he's suffering? He lives better than most people! He even has a television in his cage!!! (According to Ringmaster Mario, he really, really likes toy commercials). Hell, Hood, Donkey Kong makes more in an hour in fruits than most people make in a day in dollars! |
| That's not even getting into the fact that Donkey Kong is one of the most beloved celebrities in all the city. He's especially popular amongst the children, who flock from all over the five boroughs to see the Donkey Kong Circus. Everywhere you go, you see kids wearing Donkey Kong shirts or eating out of Donkey Kong lunchboxes. In fact, that act and, more specifically, Donkey Kong himself are so popular that I've been hearing rumors that the Meadowlands Arena (home of the New Jersey Nets) and the Nassau Coliseum (home of recent NHL Dynasty the New York Islanders) are in a bidding war to bring Donkey Kong to their ice for what's tentatively known as Donkey Kong Hockey. And when you watch the act, you can see Donkey Kong himself loves every second of the attention being lavished on him! The way he plays to the crowd (especially the pretty moms who come see him) every show, the way he playfully refuses Mario's commands, the way he ends the shows by "accidentally" dropping a pile of pineapples on Mario to both the crowd and Donkey Kong's great joy, that's the mark of a star who likes the attention! Now, some activists have tried to claim that his enthusiasm for all this is fake and Donkey Kong knows that Mario will beat him if he misbehaves on stage, but I think that's nonsense! The joy Donkey Kong expresses while performing is a joy that can't be faked! This is an ape that loves attention! Lest we forget his other attention-grabbing stunts like taking over that construction site or that time he broke into all those greenhouses. Except now he's getting that attention in a way that brings joy to everyone in the city, as opposed to higher property taxes. The activists say it's cruel to force Donkey Kong to live in the city and perform for our amusement. Well, I say it's cruel to strip Donkey Kong away from everything he's ever known, cruel to stop him from doing what he loves the most, that being bringing joy and smiles to everyone in the city! |
Written by: Legend 8 and Boo1268
The Sorcery Show
Episode 14+: Multiversal Madness
Part One
It is a beautiful day in the Mushroom Kingdom, and the sun… yeah, the weather is actually kind of boring at the moment, but let’s carry on. Only a slight shimmer of sunlight lights up the landscape of the Mushroom Kingdom’s outskirts - the rest is blotted out by a gigantic castle, jutting from the landscape like a twisted mountain and overshadowing the realm of wonders and perils spreading beneath it. Amidst this landscape of lava and surreality, lovingly called “his garden” by the castle’s owner, hovers a glowing blot of white, wearing a black top hat.
It is Boo1268, the Fancy Phantom, and he is here to see his friend, Pyrokles the Magikoopa, and also the owner of both castle and garden. He floats hurriedly along the path leading towards Pyro’s castle gate, a worried look on his face as he finally reaches the dragon-sized stone doors. He then stops, exhausted, and knocks at the gate.
Boo1268: Pyro? Kroop? My friends, are you there? I'm in much need of your assistance!
For a few seconds, nothing happens. Then all of a sudden, the volcanic rock surface of the doors warps to form the face of Pyro, as always wearing his strange glasses and hat. The face laughs maniacally, then looks towards Boo1268 and answers.
Pyro: Oh, it's you! What a pleasant surprise, I didn't expect you here today! Come on in!
The face disappears and the doors swing open - kind of upwards and sidewards, for some reason, but definitely not like doors normally do. Boo1268 enters the large entrance hall, a labyrinth of staircases leading all around the castle. One of the staircases slides right up to him and Pyro's face again appears, this time on the railing.
Pyro: Follow me! And tell me, what is it that you came here for? I can sense a great feeling of worry within you…
Boo1268: I'll explain the situation in a moment's time, but for now, if you have somewhere to relax so that I may have a cup of tea and so I may not be so stressed, my good Magikoopa, that would be greatly appreciated.
Pyro: Hmm, okay... But you're right, let's talk further in my office. KROOP? GO BOIL SOME WATER PLEASE, WE HAVE A GUEST!
Pyro's face leads his friend up the stairs, then vanishes in front of a solid wall. A voice croaks "Password?" from behind the wall, but then laughs and the wall dissolves. Behind it floats Kroop, Pyro's talking, flaming skull companion.
Kroop: Haha, sorry, just a little joke. Welcome to Pyro's office! Where'd you leave Specture?
As Kroop looks at Boo1268, he can see that the phantom clearly hasn't gotten enough sleep, as evident by the bags somehow forming under his eyes despite him being dead, and his hat has tiny bits of wear and tear - clearly he hasn't properly cared for it or tended to it like he normally does.
Boo1268: Sorry Kroop, I believed that it was in our best interest to not get him involved with our escapades, especially since he might try to talk me out of this. So for now, he's back at the Lich Yard taking care of things for me while I'm gone.
Kroop: Yeah, that’s fine. That problem of yours really sounds harsh if it is a reason you left Specture at home... But bring him with you next time you visit, yeah?
Kroop floats aside to unblock the doorway. Amidst floating piles of pure chaos (apparently Pyro turned off gravity in his office) "sits" the Magikoopa, drinking from a cup of tea at his desk. He sets down his cup and conjures floating chairs and teacups for Kroop and Boo1268.
Pyro: As Kroop said: welcome to my office! So, different tea flavours are in that drawer pocket-dimension over there, you can just choose one. Now sit down and tell me, what's going on?
Boo1268 makes himself a cup of hot tea and his nerves begin to subside. He drinks the warm liquid after blowing on it for a bit and begins to explain his current predicament.
Boo1268: Well, Pyro, my friend, to put it bluntly: I need your help. For you see, recently I had noticed a large surge of interdimensional portals popping up all over New Wikisburg, and I traced the source back to the EGU.
Pyro: Portals, you say? And the EGU? Do you think it happened on purpose, or is it more like, when you release two rabbitflies into a forest and later when you come back everything is full of them?
Next to Kroop, reality suddenly glitches out to form the physical manifestation of the Explainer, looking rather worried as well.
May I ask where the portals lead? Your explanation sounded pretty worrying so far…
Boo1268: Well, here's what I do know: the EGU had recently started their new portal project, in hopes to scientifically prove and control interdimensional portals for the sake of scientific progress and nothing else. But now, like I said before, portals have been popping up ever since they activated their machine!
Pyro: I suppose the portals popping up are too unstable to safely use them for travelling…
Boo1268: Yes, indeed, and I fear that if they continue, these portals could cause our very reality to unravel as a result of this tampering, and it could possibly destroy our universe at any given moment!
And may I ask, why can't you just ask them to stop their operations? It seems like the most simple option.
Boo1268: Oh trust me, Explainer, I tried! But no matter how many times I wrote them, they NEVER listened to my warnings, and now after all my sleepless nights of researching these portals and all the shady things they did behind the scenes, they have the GALL to make ME look CRAZY! So eventually I had no other choice but to ask you three for help, since not only are you the most experienced in this field, but you're the only ones willing to help me. Besides Specture, of course, but he would try to talk me out of it before helping me.
Pyro: Yeah, I guess we are the only ones crazy enough, heheh!
Kroop: So, how exactly can we help? Probably analyse the portals first, right? But we should really be careful, that exponential spreading of the portals seems quite dangerous.
Boo1268: Well if there's one thing I'm good at without fault, it's doing my research, and thankfully for us I have a plan. First we need to find the right frequency that these portals are tied into, then after we locate said frequency, we make a portal and contain it in this.
Boo1268 pulls some blueprints out of his hat; it appears to be the schematics for a portal frame, with the EGU label located on the corner of the prints.
Boo1268: Once we build this, we can make the portal and test to see where it goes, and also find out how dangerous these portals actually are. But the only problem is, I have no idea how we are going to figure out the frequency to find it…
Pyro: I think I do… Have you finished your tea? Cause I’ll need to occupy the table!
As Boo1268 hands Pyro his empty teacup, who immediately makes it vanish, he realizes that Pyro’s round desk that they had been sitting at all the time was, in fact, some kind of a planar gyroscope - the black rings, decorated with gold and gemstones, neatly folded into the shape of a table top. Pyro snaps his fingers and the table unfolds into a glittering model of various planes of the multiverse, hovering amidst his weightless office.
Pyro: This is…
Ooh, can I explain? Please?
Pyro: Uh, okay.
We call it Gyrokles! You could maybe describe it as some kind of a portal assistant, it helps in creating stable portals and actually reaching your destinations!
Kroop: As if Pyro would EVER use it that way…
Pyro: Yeah, for once, Kroop is right. I don’t really need Gyrokles, all I use him for is as a table, or to determine random destinations in the entire multiverse for our field trips. Random portals would be really difficult to create unassisted, and knowing where you go is just so BOOOOORING! But, Gyrokles will hopefully prove useful today. I think we could tune it into the other portals’ frequency…
Kroop: Uh, I know the world needs saving and stuff, but shouldn’t we wait with activating the portal until we are in a place where something going wrong doesn’t result in a catastrophe? Some of this… stuff floating around in your office looks rather fragile…
Pyro: You’re right, we should probably go somewhere else with the portal. Maybe the garden?
Kroop: No, Pyro, your “garden” is ANYTHING except harmless!!
Pyro: See, I always told you it was beautiful! “Anything” does include that, of course!
Kroop: What? Ughhhhh, that was not what I… Aaanyways, Boo1268, where do YOU think we should go?
Boo1268: Well, I may have an idea: what about that theater you three always use? It could provide us with enough room to build this thing, and since it's closed around this time we lessen the risk of property damage and people injury.
Yeah, that’s a great plan! It’s almost indestructible, we know that from experience!
Pyro: Yup, sounds great. Have you already got the parts for the portal frame or do I have to… help out a little?
Boo1268: Unfortunately I don't have any of the materials on hand, and I was only able to get the prints for the machine, so I think that's a yes Pyro.
Pyro: Already on it!
Pyro snaps his fingers again and a bright flash emanates from the floating gyroscope, engulfing the office and then imploding again, transporting our heroes into Pyro's stone theater. There, he immediately takes a swift glance at the blueprints and starts summoning the necessary parts from thin air.
I suppose we would need some helpers? For construction, the four of us will surely suffice, but what about the dangerous experiments? Not that I would want to endanger someone else, but usually things like this go wrong as soon as one of us gets involved…
Boo1268: Don't worry my friend, I got that covered also - behold!
Boo1268 pulls out his DarkMoon Sceptre and begins a quick mini summoning spell. After finishing, a Goomba-sized glass jar with an equally sized cork on top is summoned, holding a strange blue liquid inside that seems to have a small bowler hat floating in it.
Kroop: What is that? Some kind of genie bottle?
Boo1268: Close, but not quite. Alright, then come on out Max!
Boo1268 pulls out the cork on the bottle and dumps the liquid out. Suddenly the liquid transforms into a small Goomba-shaped creature that is wearing the same bowler hat and is immediately recognised by Kroop and Explainer as an Ameboid, who then introduces himself.
Max: Um, hi? I’m Max, Max the Ameboid.
Hello Max! You might be a little confused now, but I can explain it to you!
Max: That would be nice actually, explain away, mysterious voice!
Pyro: Oh, how impolite, we didn’t even introduce ourselves yet! You already know Boo1268, right? I'm Pyro, this is Kroop and that voice is the Explainer. He likes to explain stuff, so go on, Explainer!
Soooo… We need your help as a regular person who doesn't cause catastrophes on a daily basis, in a very dangerous task. You want to save the multiverse with us?
Max: Eh, why not? I'm not doing anything, and besides, Boo only hired me just in case he needs help with some sort of project or just needs an extra pair of hands, so I can't complain much about doing some hard work, since that's all I ever do.
Pyro: Great! I think I'm done with the portal parts, would you maybe build it together now, while I try to find the frequency on Gyrokles?
Max: Sure thing!
Max then begins to use his amoeba-like slime to stick the portal together. It's surprisingly strong and holds up decently well.
Boo1268: Well done Max! Now we can finally begin with part two of our plan!
Boo1268 turns towards Pyro.
Boo1268: Pyro! Have you found the frequency yet? It should be labeled around what type it is on the blueprints!
Pyro: I'm on it, but it seems really unstable, my portal assistant is just wildly rotating! Although this should be the right frequency now… Question is, will it work?
Boo1268: Well I guess it's time to test this out and see.
Then, with a pull of a lever on the machine, the makeshift portal frame comes to life and then quickly begins to make a small portal, one that's too small for our heroes to pass through - even Max can't fit through it.
Boo1268: I think it needs more juice, hold on, l have an idea. Pyro, do you think you could give this portal some kind of a boost?
Kroop: You sure you want to risk this? I mean, he's Pyro, after all…
Boo1268: Normally I would say no to the risk, but I don't think we can find another way to get it boosted without some sort of big power source, and we don't have the kind of equipment the EGU has, so we need to make due.
Pyro: That's right! Also, in these matters, you should never listen to Kroop anyways. So, then I'll just charge some pure energy into it?
Boo1268: Yep, I think that will do the trick.
Pyro focuses for a second and then blasts a stream of pure antilogical power into the portal, tearing it open further and further, until it reaches the size of the frame. Surprisingly, the frame and portal remain intact, even after a few seconds have gone by.
Boo1268: WE DID IT, IT WORKS! Now all we need to do is to test it and see if it's safe.
Boo1268 turns to Max.
Boo1268: Alright Max my boy, you're up!
Max: U-um alright, then here I go… Please don't die Please don't die Please don't die.
Max jumps into the portal, his eyes clenched shut, and as he does, silence suddenly fills the theater. Everyone waits for a few moments before realising that Max isn't coming back.
Pyro: Huh. Maybe we should've tied him to a rope?
Kroop: Well, I'M not getting him out of there!
Boo1268: Alas, he will be missed, but on the bright side at least we know that the portals are dangerous.
Kroop: Yeah, what a great and unexpected discovery…
Boo1268: Blame the EGU, they're the ones tampering with this stuff in the first place, and now we can prove to everyone that their “passion project” isn't safe.
That’s true! Now all that's left to do is close the portal again, right?
Right?!
The Explainer notices that everybody has begun staring at the portal, which has begun glowing stronger and also flickering. Suddenly, multiple portals start popping up left and right, up and down, simply just all OVER the place! Then, the theater starts to rumble.
Boo1268: Oh dear, I feel an ill wind coming.
Pyro: Yeah, I can feel it too. Maybe kind of like a… pull?
Suddenly all of them begin to notice the portal swirling and seemingly sucking them inwards. Pyro uses his staff to hang onto the stage while also holding Kroop, but Boo1268 isn't so lucky: the Fancy Phantom tries his best to fly away from the pull of the portal while also holding on to his hat.
Boo1268: I CAN'T GET AWAY IT'S PULLING ME IN I CAN'T ESCAPE PYRO HELP!
Pyro: I would if I was able to!! Explainer, we have to save him!
I can't, if I materialize I would get sucked away too!!
Pyro: Oh no! TRY TO STAY ALIVE BOO!! I'LL SEND IN YOUR SHROOM SECTIONS FOR YOU AND THEN WE'LL COME TO YOUR RESCUE!!!
Boo1268: Wait WHAT!?!
Boo1268 sees the portal is right next to him and yells.
Boo1268: PYROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Then like a typhoon filled with cosmic energy, the portal sucks Boo1268 in and then after that suddenly implodes, destroying the frame and the portal itself, but leaving the other, smaller portals behind. Then to add insult to injury, the power goes out from the implosion.
Kroop: No!! Where did he go?!! I knew something like this would happen!!
Pyro: Yeahh so… who gets to tell Specture?
To be continued…
Diggin' Up Dirt
Written by: Spooks Booley (talk)
Something Fishy
So. Fish. Touchy subject for some reason, probably because a lotta people won't shut up about it. Too many people like arguing if fish are actually different fish. Now, let's be real, who cares? Sure, the science geeks care. And maybe seafood restaurant owners, 'cause you gotta know what's what so you can charge people more. But that's like... basically nobody, in the grand scheme of things. If that's true then why do you hear about it so much? Well, if you've been followin' me for a while, you know that you should NEVER take anything at face value. Except for me. Obviously, it's not just as simple as a bunch of weirdos yellin' at each other about fish for no good reason. No, those guys are deep in the pockets of Big Fish. Don't trust Big Fish, okay? The more paid shills they got out there supposedly arguin' about fish, the more people get drawn in, and the more money and attention Big Fish gets. They're real sharks.
Maybe you're thinkin', "Wow, Spooks Booley, that's great that you're telling everyone about this! But what do I do with this information?", and if that's what you are thinkin', well you're in luck. I dug up the dirt on these fish that they don't want you to know about, and I'm here to set the record straight once and for all. No need for Big Fish, your pal Spooks Booley's got you covered.
First one we're gonna tackle is Big Cheep Cheep. It's just a Cheep Cheep that's way bigger than the regular one, maybe they just eat a lot or something, but Big Fish wants you to think that Boss Bass and Bessie Bass are also Big Cheep Cheep! Now, that's obviously laughable. You see that picture I put up of Boss Bass? It's got a big mouth! Mario can fit inside that mouth! You think that matches Big Cheep Cheep, with its tiny little o-shaped mouth? Nuh-uh. Don't try to kid Spooks Booley. I see through your lies, Big Fish. But even more important, it's got a tooth! You see that? When do you ever see a tooth on a regular Cheep Cheep? Yeah, I thought so, you DON'T. So what, we're supposed to believe someone's goin' around knockin' all these fish's teeth out and not gettin' turned into fish food while they're doin' it? Come on! That's just stupid. Now, Boss Bass and Bessie Bass, that's the same thing, 'cause the Bessie Bass is just the female one. I mean, I don't know why Bessie Bass can't be a boss too, but then again, is Boss Bass even a boss either? I've never seen one guardin' the end of a fortress...
The other big one we're gonna talk about is Cheep Chomp. Now you're probably lookin' at this thing and thinkin' it's just a purple Boss Bass. But guess what Big Fish says? Not only is this not Boss Bass, it's the same thing as Bubba! Are you kiddin' me? Bubba isn't even purple, and it's got SUNGLASSES! Now, as we know, you're not gonna find any sunglasses vendors underwater, 'cause it's underwater, what do they need to shield their eyes from the sun all the way down there for? So where does Bubba get its sunglasses? Well those aren't really sunglasses at all, it's a part of them and they're born with it on! So obviously Bubba isn't Cheep Chomp, that's stupid.
But here's where things get real messy thanks to Big Fish. If you've been to Tiny-Huge Island lately, you'll know that the Bubba population there got run off a while back and a bunch of Boss Bass moved in in their place. Except Big Fish says that those are actually Cheep Chomps? Hello?? That's Boss Bass! It looks like it and everything! The thing is, they're sorta right and sorta not. They are Cheep Chomps because Boss Bass and Cheep Chomp are actually the same thing, but they don't wanna publicly admit that Boss Bass isn't Big Cheep Cheep. See, this is why I don't trust Big Fish. Now, I got some theories for why some Boss Bass turn purple like that. Maybe it's pollution in the water, maybe there's some mermaid that took up painting fish as a hobby, maybe some of them just eat too many sea grapes. I dunno for sure, but trust me, they're the same!
The rest of the big fish are pretty straightforward, I guess because they already made so much of a mess there wasn't much left to work with. Except for those space Porcupuffers that they decided were Spiny Cheep Cheeps. Yeah, like that makes any sense.
The small fish aren't as bad by comparison, mostly 'cause the big fish are such a tangled mess it looks like a plate of spaghetti. You've got your standard Cheep Cheep, but Big Fish folded Flopsy Fish, Piscatory Pete, and Bub into those. The pic to the left is obviously Cheep Cheep, right? No, that's Flopsy Fish! So they were actually right that time, Cheep Cheep is Flopsy Fish but anyone with eyes could've told you that. But Piscatory Pete isn't a Cheep Cheep, 'cause it's not Flopsy Fish, so it can't be Cheep Cheep.
Bub kinda looks like Bubba, so maybe you think they're actually related to Bubba instead of Cheep Cheep. That's actually not true because they don't come with built-in sunglasses, they just wear goggles. Obviously, sunglasses aren't goggles, so Bub is actually its own thing that's not Bubba. You might think this means Bub has a relationship to Blurp, because they have goggles too, but that's wrong! You can't get sunglasses underwater, but you can get goggles underwater! Mostly from swimmers gettin' eaten by bigger fish, so they're just regular goggles and I guess it's like a mutually beneficial relationship there? Anyway, I think they're different than Cheep Cheep 'cause they're a lot more scaly. Maybe a close relative.
So now you know better thanks to Spooks Booley's clear and easily understandable guide to fish, no Big Fish necessary. Stay sharp.
The Sunshine Travel Guide
Written by: TheBlueCatMenace
The year was 2024. Esteemed travel guide writer Cosmo Neko had been fired from The Sunshine Travel Agency. To replace him, TSTA hired the most legendary (not legendary) writer ever… Bar D. Joque. He was fired once Cosmo became CEO by overthrowing the old CEO (I'm pretty sure they do this at travel agencies, please notify me if they don't.).
The year was still 2024. Cosmo was too lazy to write a whole issue so he got some dumb Shy Guy named Guy to do it. It sucked. Like I'm not even joking. Really. What an embarrassment to the good name of The Sunshine Travel Guide. That's probably why two people don't like The Sunshine Travel Guide. The poll on the forums said so. Where was I? Oh, yeah…
These two teamed up to try to calmly inform Cosmo of their opinions while respecting his in return… Nah, just kidding. They want to kill him. Anyway, the last we saw of Cosmo was him being attacked by a mysterious stranger in Concordia. Now that we've lost all contact with him, who's gonna write a travel guide? No prize if you can guess.
Prepare for the best story in the media, even better than that one with the colorful stones. Yes, better than the one with the magic jewelry. Even better than the one with the broody bat dude. Heck, better than the one with the laser swords.
TheBlueCatMenace (the writer, the one breaking the fourth wall right now) presents Cosmo vs. The Agency (oh, that's a crap name, someone give me a better one).
Back to your regularly scheduled programming:
Snowflake Lake: Travel Guide on Ice
Hey everyone! It's me, Bar D. Jokue. That ugly feline Cosmo is dead! YAY!! I didn't even need to use a box, unlike someone else… All I did was send an old friend to travel across dimensions to get rid of him. Anyway, I will be covering Snowflake Lake today. Enjoy your holiday issue! Wait, it's already February!? Oh well, I've got a deadline, so let's get on with it.
Attractions
Yeah, I'm skipping history again.
Snowflake Lake is built around a very, very small lake. Like, I don't know why they named this place "Snowflake Lake" if the lake is this small. Ahem, one of the most popular activities at Snowflake Lake is riding around one of the Chain Chomps. If you visit a Chain Chomp station you can rent out a Chain Chomp. This is mostly safe for you, and not safe for the people in your path.
You might also want to compete in one of the famous ice sculpture contests. Each round has a different gimmick. Some include, sculpting with one arm tied behind your back, sculpting while at gunpoint, and sculpting in the desert. There's probably more stuff out there but Guy was cold so we had to go back home.
Practical Advice
- Travel
To reach Snowflake Lake you can either take a pipe or dash through the snow, on a one horse open sleigh. Over fields it goes, laughing all the way. What fun it is to ride and sing a sleighing song tonight.
- Weather
Oh, my, GOODNESS! IT'S CALLED SNOWFLAKE LAKE IT'S SNOWY YOU COMPLETE GOOMBA HEAD!!!!
- Food
Shaved ice, ice cream, iceberg lettuce, that sorta pattern.
Souvenirs
| Chain Chomp Snack | ||
|---|---|---|
|
This bone can be used to fight off rabid Chain Chomps, or something, probably. I don't know, this is the only souvenir from this place, and I found it on the ground. | |
| PRICE: | On the ground, probably | |
Reviews
- "CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP" CHOMP/10 - chainCHOMP
- "I'm sorry, but your review is in another castle." 8/10 - ToddtheToad
- "Hello, is anyone there? I need help...Oh no..." 1/10 - TheBlueCatMenace
Conclusion
Well everyone, I hope you enjoyed this issue of The Sunshine Travel Guide. I hope you're used to me, because you're not seeing Cosmo again. Anyway, if you have a suggestion for a location or want to give me feedback or want to tell me who the two people who don't like The Sunshine Travel Guide are, contact me on the forums. Bye bye!
| The 'Shroom: Issue 215 | |
|---|---|
| Staff sections | Staff Notes • The 'Shroom Spotlight • Poochy's Picks • Poll Chairperson Election • Credits |
| Features | Fake News • Fun Stuff • Palette Swap • Pipe Plaza • Critic Corner • Strategy Wing |
