The 'Shroom:Issue 209/Fake News
Director's Notes
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk)
Hello there, Fake News readers! It's a pretty quiet month here at The 'Shroom with the summer special and Awards both in the rear-view mirror. I'd like to thank everyone who voted for Fake News in the Favorite 'Shroom Team award, and of course an extra special thank you to all the great writers on this team for making it possible with their fantastic contributions!
We've got more fun sections for you to read, as usual! Quizmelon has another round of TV shows from sitcoms to sports in TV Tomorrow; Dear Waluigi Time brings advice for the spatially, ethically, and mortally challenged; Boo1268 the Phancy Phantom dives into the history of the Mushroom Kingdom's circus industry in The Spectral Lens; Shoey and Pitohui take us through educational woes of the Koopa Kingdom in the temporarily-renamed The Koopa Times; Pyro and Kroop take a nice beach vacation after their hectic time travel adventures in Legend 8's The Sorcery Show; and last but certainly not least, newly crowned travel agency CEO TheBlueCatMenace continues the RPG theme for this month's The Sunshine Travel Guide destination! We're a little smaller than usual, with Cooking Guide absent again this month, but hopefully you enjoy the rest of our offerings all the same.
If you want to join Fake News, be sure to check out our sign up page to find everything you need to apply! If you don't necessarily want to commit to a monthly schedule, we also take one-off volunteer submissions for plenty of sections if you have a fun idea you'd like to get in the paper! No application is necessary for those, just contact me privately with your submission.
Section of the Month
The results are in! First place is another win for The Sunshine Travel Guide by TheBlueCatMenace, this time taking us on a tour of the world of Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door for the summer special! Continuing the theme of The Thousand-Year Door, Dear Waluigi Time took second place with advice revolving around that game! And not continuing that theme at all, in a very close third is a guest submission of Studying Abroad by DryBonesBandit (talk), taking a closer look at the flora and fauna of World 5 from New Super Mario Bros.! Thanks for voting, and be sure to keep supporting this great team through SOTM and Poochy's Picks!
| FAKE NEWS SECTION OF THE MONTH | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Place | Section | Votes | % | Writer |
| 1st | The Sunshine Travel Guide | 18 | 36.73% | TheBlueCatMenace |
| 2nd | Dear Waluigi Time | 9 | 18.37% | Waluigi Time (talk) |
| 3rd | Studying Abroad | 8 | 16.33% | DryBonesBandit (talk) |
Welcome inside no.99. Just one more before I hit TV Tomorrow triple digits next month. I've got a plan for how I'm going to mark the occasion - but I'll leave my announcement of that to the conclusion, to drum up momentum. I mean, you could just skip straight there, of course, but just cause it's not the big one doesn't mean it's any the less for it, right? I'm committed to making this No.99 as frosty delicious as any of Mr. Whippy's, and after all if you're not here for the meat what are you here for? (Mixing my food metaphors there but no matter.) Plus, for all my lovely loyal readers who signed up for the TV Tomorrow Loyalty Scheme and read all three of my last articles, you get to read this one completely free of charge! I know that may not seem like much of a benefit to readers in this dimension, but over in the Mushroom Kingdom where they have regional paywalls for publications like these, I have plenty of eager fans who are just delighted to be receiving this one gratis. (See, I told you last time I'd imply it was real in this one.) Anyway, suspend your desire to know my centenary plans for a moment, and enjoy the effort I have put into writing about this week's top three in Mushroom Kingdom TV!
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New: Luigi + Luigi
MKBC1, 9pm
Genre: Sitcom
Luigi's done it: he's finally properly evolved as a television master artist beyond the shadow of his brother Mario. And how did he achieve this? By doubling himself up! Obviously there's a joke to be made in saying that you need two Luigis to be as good as one Mario, but I won't make it, only allude to it in a way that functionally counts as making it. Anyway, this sitcom centres on the premise that Luigi has accidentally cloned himself after one of E. Gadd's experiments went wrong, and what's worse, the clone is a total idiot, a caricatured version exhibiting tenfold every last one of Luigi's classic identifying stereotypes. The true Luigi must therefore keep the clone under control, which isn't easy when it develops a propensity for exploring and getting into trouble. With farcical plots both expertly executed and riotously funny, and presented with a unique cartoonish editing style, Luigi + Luigi is fantastic stuff that deserves all the praise and plaudits it can get.
CoOper8
MKBC2, 8pm
Genre: Game show
That's a pun on 'co-operate', for those of you still reading that as 'Cooper Eight' even after the show capitalised its title's third letter in a recent marketing refresh intended to curb that very misunderstanding. Whatever its marketing struggles however, CoOper8 has proven itself to be one of the best game shows of recent years, and it's really ironed out its early wrinkles and hit its stride with this polished new set of episodes. The concept is that rather than compete against one another, this show sees eight people work together (hence the title) to complete a number of challenges, with no other opponent but the tests they face as a team. As a result it's a uniquely heartwarming show with an emphasis on teamwork and communication, not to mention that the challenges this year are all well-designed and exciting to watch. Should become a fixture of your weekly watching.
2024 Mushroom Kingdom Olympics: Athletics
MKBC1, 6-9pm; MKBC Sport, all day
Genre: Olympics
Yes I know our Olympics are over already, but in Mario's fictional dimension the Olympics have really only just begun. And it's especially exciting this year as the Mushroom Kingdom is competing on home turf, with the events taking place across several purpose-built venues which cost billions of coins and may have no proper use after these Games but oh well. The creme de la creme of these venues is the massive new Princess Peach Royal Olympic Stadium, where tomorrow's hottest action is taking place - a bounteous itinerary of track and field athletics with something for everyone (so long as you are easily entertained by running, jumping, or throwing, that is). Mushroom Kingdom residents should probably try to go see it in person, but for those of you in our world without access to an interdimensional portal, MKBC1 will have the highlights and big finals while MKBC Sport will be the place to go for anyone obsessive enough to keep up with every single qualifier and detail.
There you have it, in all its fully-enjoyed glory, the penultimate triple threat of my TV Tomorrow tenure. And so now we have finally reached the promised land, that being the announcement of what I'll be doing to mark TV Tomorrow no.100. I'm leaving.
…Sorry! That was perhaps a rather brutally abrupt way of delivering the news of my departure, but I just couldn't resist the punchiness of the structure. I'm aware though it maybe conveys an impression of discontentment or even malice that I can wholeheartedly promise is not the case; I've loved every minute of writing this column over the last eight and a bit years, it. I have simply decided that now is the right time to hang up my remote and move on to pastures new, like the rolling hills of Austria perhaps, or the very real Moo Moo Meadows. In truth I've got a very busy year coming up, and when I realised such a fittingly round milestone as my one hundredth TV Tomorrow was occurring just as that very busy year got going, it felt like resigning after reaching it was the right decision. (Plus, I know I said on my userpage that I'd keep doing TV Tomorrow until I got a Nobel Prize in Literature for it, but if I leave in September then I'll have completed my entire oeuvre in time for the prize announcement in October, and I reckon I'll have a good shot.)
Anyway, I'll leave the proper conclusion to my run at this column until next month, and there might also be another couple of surprises in store in that issue. But for now, thank you for reading, and I'll see you next month for the hundredth and last of this era of TV Tomorrow!
Dear Waluigi Time
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk)
Questions submitted by: PnnyCrygr, The_Donut1987, and DryBonesBandit
I'm Fix-It Felix, Jr., from Fix-It Felix, Jr.. Golly, taking care of those Racers is a nuisance! Ever since we've adopted these adorable rascals, they're disruptin' our lives badly. Jiminy Jaminy. Their playfulness kept me and my wife up last night. To note, Taffyta smashed one of our costliest valuables and I've to fix it (and their li'l minds). Now I'm at Tapper's wallowin' my stresses in root beer, boo-hoo. If I ever not do anythin' about those Racers, I shall be tired every single day of my hardworkin' hammerin' life. What should I do?
Did you keep the receipt? Wait, do adoptions even come with receipts? Um... Scratch that, pretend I didn't say anything.
Okay, so it sounds like your problem is you don't have enough space, forcing serious levels of encroachment! You seem like you're a handy fellow, so you probably know what I'm going to suggest - add more space yourself! Renovating is a great way to ensure that your home meets your own personal needs. If there's no room to expand outward, then try going upwards instead! Towers are great, you can add all kinds of fun stuff and the sky is literally the limit! Why, just last week I submitted a proposal to the financial department to expand the Waluigi Time Cereal Tower with a new floor constructed entirely out of Legos for the sake of pure novelty. (Apparently, we don't have the budget for it.)
Don't want to go up? Go down instead! Give your basement its own basement, and maybe even another basement for that one. Sure, you don't get natural sunlight or anything, but hey, the underground bunker life appeals to some people. Just try not going too far. Earth's core gets pretty hot.
Oh shoot... You don't live in an apartment, do you? That wouldn't leave any directions to expand... Well, you could always move somewhere with more space, and it saves you the trouble of doing all that building! Those huge mansions get pricy though, unless you're lucky enough to win one in a suspicious contest you never entered. Maybe you could try getting on the bad side of some ghosts, if you want that.
Dear Waluigi Time,
I've been studying about these magic hourglasses and I've been trying to collect them all but some mustachioed red-hooded girl has been stealing them saying that she's been trying to "Get rid of Bad Guys."
As a bad guy myself I feel I'm in danger.
You might be! I don't know much about the capabilities of these magic hourglasses or mustache girl you're talking about (by the way, what kind of mustache are we talking here? Like, the dashing thin and pointy kind, or one of those more boring bushy ones?) but you can never be too careful.
It might be time for you to consider a career change to anti-hero! As someone in that one movie once said, just because you're a bad guy, that doesn't mean you're a bad guy. And hey, you're reading The 'Shroom and sending me questions, so you can't be all bad. Anyway, that's where the whole anti-hero deal comes in. You still basically get to do whatever you want, but now you're doing it for reasons that are, at the end of the day, morally good! On a purely technical level, I'm pretty sure that removes you from the bad guy category, so you should be off the hook. Whether that argument works on mustached girl is a separate issue, but if it's purely up to the magic hourglasses to do bad guy removal, then you should be okay.
If you don't want to do that... uh, maybe just try stealing the magic hourglasses back and hope you don't get embarrassingly defeated! Or you can just hope she's bluffing, if you care to roll the dice.
As you can probably infer from my name, I am a Dry Bones. I was previously a Paratroopa, and I enjoyed your cereal, so much that I did not buy any other brand. However, recently I accidentally grabbed the wrong cereal box when shopping and lost my contacts so I couldn't see the difference. When I ate it, I instantly died and became a skeleton! So I was wondering, how would one stop being a skeleton and come back to life?
Thanks in advance, DryBonesBandit
Death cereal?! That's a horrible mockery of my craft! Must be that overgrown rooster again... (Or maybe it was an allergic reaction? Hm.)
Well, the good news for you is that it's certainly possible! It happened to Bowser one time, and he's just fine now. Aside from his skeleton still existing as a separate entity, somehow. Not sure why that particular lava pool was so much more potent than all the other ones he fell in, but I digress. The bad news is... I don't know how to do it. It involves a cauldron and mystery presumably magical liquid. However, the second good news is I happen to know a competent wizard, so I got an answer from him.
What did you do now? Oh, it's for your advice column. I see. Yes, well, restoration from an undead state is a more complicated process than your standard 1-Up Mushroom consumption. First, you will need some sort of basin large enough for full submersion of the patient. Next, obtain a Life Mushroom - the ones with the hearts on the caps, not the stars. The lack of proper distinction between these two is something I will never forgive biologists for. Moving on, fill your chosen basin with fresh water, blend the Life Mushroom until it has been liquefied, and add it as well. Now, here comes the especially tricky part. You will need to cast the appropriate transmutation spell for the mixture to be effective. Please, do not try to do this yourself unless you are a seasoned magic practitioner, contact an expert. Once the spell has been cast, submerge the patient in the mixture for a full recovery within a few minutes.
So, there you go! Although, if you don't mind waiting a little longer, you could be passing up a golden opportunity. Halloween is coming up soon, and actually undead actors command a premium with all sorts of haunted attractions! Seriously, I recently had to hire a Dry Bones to play a health inspector and you wouldn't believe how much money I had to shell out to that guy. Just my two cents!
Also, maybe don't go shopping without your contacts anymore. Food for thought.
Got a question you want answered? Stop by the forum thread for this section, or contact me on my talk page!
The Spectral Lens
Written by: Boo1268
Insight Into The Emerald Circus
Hello readers of all walks of life. Welcome to The Spectral Lens. As many of you already know, the esteemed Mario Awards were just hosted not too long ago, and I'm very glad that you all got to enjoy them as much as I did. If you're wondering, no, Waluigi has not tried to show up here again, and neither has Nabbit. That rascally rabbit always has a habit of appearing out of nowhere! Speaking of, as the warmness of summer begins to close and the winds of change soon blow in, I find myself always seeking out one place in particular to celebrate the changing seasons: a traveling caravan of mysticism and wonder that travels near the humble woods near my home and it just so happens that, well… The circus is in town. What am I talking about? Why, the Emerald Circus of course!
As many of you may know, the Emerald Circus is a traveling circus that tours all over the Mushroom Kingdom and beyond! Spreading joy and laughter to all that come near, seeing all the dangerous acts and stunts performed, the magic and mystery of seeing such shows and dining on the cheap, greasy, but still very delectable food it has to offer always brings me joy. But as I was watching the shows being performed, I began to wonder, what was the history behind the circus? Feeling the need to scratch my itch for finding history, I dove deeper into the history of the circus, and what I found surprised me! The Circus was founded many years ago by Harley Q who lived on Prism Island for many years but had a dream of bringing joy to all on Prism Island.
So after gathering a caravan of colorful misfits, they took to the open road performing for all to see over the years, until the circus would be taken over by Harley's kids, Grate Guy and Knife Guy, who would perform the most extraordinary juggling acts and knife throwing that had ever been seen. Soon the circus had grown so popular the brothers would decide to take the show to the Mushroom Kingdom. Many years would pass, then the time would come where the brothers would have to pass on ownership of the circus to someone els,e but since they had no children they gave the deed to someone they trusted. That someone, however, was a being by the name of Rudy the Clown.
Rudy never cared about showbiz, all he cared about was money and power, and he believed he could get those things by reigning terror over the circus. Due to his affinity to dark magic, he seemed unstoppable, being able to grow three times his size, but thanks to a young magician at the time, a man by the name of Dazzle was able to use the magic of star pieces to seal away Rudy in a music box that was a gateway to a alternate dimension. Many years would come and go, the circus continuing to travel all over the Mushroom Kingdom, soon inspiring many others to start up their own circus, such as the Tricky Trapeze Theater starring the Fantastic Swinging Spiders, the Wonky Circus in Spooktastic Land owned by the Energetic Clown Around, and more! Alongside that, some individual was inspired by Rudy's appearance and power. They decided to make a similar looking replica of him in the Shake Dimension's Neon City called Chortlebot, acting as the general of Glittertown.
Later down the line, another circus would be created by a strange Koopa by the name of Montly BigBlob. The circus would be called Switch Scramble Circus. One of the Koopalings would take an interest in Montly and recruited him into Bowser's army, renaming his circus Switch Shock Circus and renaming himself Motley Bossblob. At the same time, Lemmy would forcefully take over the Emerald Circus from Mr. Groovy the Groove Guy while the circus was back at Prism Island, and from what I gathered, Lemmy and Mario sure did put on one heck of a show featuring the Fantastical Dino Rhino Wrangler, the Unflinching Unicycle Guys, the Boing-Tastic Trampoline Guy, the Buzzy Beetle Tower, the Juggling Bros., the Mega Wheeler, and also featuring real wild Yoshis! Alongside enjoying candy apples, popcorn, circus peanuts, and funnel cake, just to name a few.
Many years later, when Bowser would take over the Sprixie Kingdom, he would instruct Montly to take Mario and the crew down. However, Bowser was defeated, and Montly's circus was permanently stuck at World Flower due to him not having the deed to said plot of land. Disgraced Montly thought he would never be in showbiz again, that was until he met Swanky Kong, who offered him ownership of the Emerald Circus. Now Montly changed back to his old name and is now the new proud owner of the Emerald Circus to this day. So remember, dear readers, no matter how bad things look, just have hope and you just might find what you're looking for in life. And with that, our story ends. Thank you all for reading, and go enjoy the circus while it's in town. And with that I say: Merci, au revoir.
The Koopa Times
Written by: Shoey (talk) and Hooded Pitohui (talk)
This article sourced from The Koopa Times, a publication serving the Neo Bowser City metropolitan area, which The 'Shroom has obtained by way of exclusive agreement.
School Board Seeks Bids for Reconstruction of Historic Fryguy High
After weeks of rumors, the Neo Bowser City ward five school board confirmed in Friday evening's weekly meeting that the district is currently taking bids from contractors able to reconstruct the former Fryguy High School, unveiling a plan to see the school rebuilt and reopened to fire-wielding students within five years. The school's doors were last open to students in 1991, the year in which a fire consumed the school building, leaving only smoldering ashes and beams. After the fire, plans were drawn up for the school's reopening and construction, but those plans were indefinitely cancelled due to a budget crunch and intense opposition to the plan, with members of the public arguing that the risk of another fire was too great to justify the cost of reconstruction.
Prior to its destruction, Fryguy High saw hundreds of Fryguys exit its doors with diplomas in hand, and drew praise from even the royal Koopa family for its efforts to provide Fryguys with access to higher education. Fryguy High was noted for going above and beyond for its students, offering a fully-rounded high school experience with a well-regarded athletics program, an extensive library, and numerous field trip opportunities.
More than only an educational institution, the school's alumni have argued, Fryguy High was a cultural institution. Fryguy High provided a focal point for the Fryguy community throughout the Koopa Kingdom. Whether at the fringes of Dark Land or right in Neo Bowser City, Fryguys could find common ground reminiscing about the school; if not alumni themselves, they had relatives who graduated from the home of the Briquettes. News relevant to the Fryguy community was disseminated at gatherings at the school, with the Koopa Troop finding it a willing and able auditorium for announcements important to the kingdom's many Fryguys.
Fryguy High preserved the history and traditions of Fryguy culture, passing them on to the next generation, giving young Fryguys the experiences needed to take pride in their heritage. More than that, the educators at Fryguy High adapted those traditions to our glorious kingdom's culture, instilling a sense of patriotism and respect for the Koopa Kingdom in their students. Citing the school's historic role in keeping alive the rich tapestries of Fryguy traditions, Fryguys throughout the kingdom have continued to press for the school's reconstruction despite financial concerns.
In explaining its change in position, the school board pointed to both this storied history and the Koopa Troop's new initiative to increase educational attainment by fire-based enlistees by 2030. The chairman of the board explained:
By investing in the reconstruction of Fryguy High, positioned on land already owned by the district and currently going idle, we are finding the cheapest, most efficient solution to meeting the needs of our fire-wielding youth. The reopening of Fryguy High will not only improve educational attainment among Fryguys who have been long-excluded from our schools, but will also rekindle an interest in Fryguy history and culture. To have an institution which not only respects, but elevates their culture and situates it within broader Koopa Kingdom culture, will help us to fan the flames of patriotism among Fryguys. We firmly believe the reopening of Fryguy High will benefit all of our students and our kingdom as a whole.
The school board's announcement has reignited the debates surrounding the school's reconstruction, with the school's alma matter cheering the move as other local citizens raise anew concerns about costs and sustainability of the school itself. For more perspective on this matter, we turn to former Koopa Kingdom Junior Minister of Education, Shoeseph Goomba, and to Fryguy High alum, Hothood.
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Hood, while I sympathize with the Fryguys' desire to rebuild what was once one of their cultural centerpieces, I must say this feels like a huge waste of time and resources. Fryguy High represents a long since gone time, a period before His Majesty King Bowser Koopa began his glorious reign. I really can't see how this will be beneficial to either the Koopa Kingdom or even the Fryguys themselves. For the Koopa Kingdom, restoring a school that will only be used to service one of the many species that live in our wonderful kingdom feels like an unjustifiable expense. You have to think, not only will the school need to be built entirely out of fireproof material to avoid the tragedy of '91, which could prove abhorrently expensive for a school with such an inevitably low enroll rate. but it will then need to be staffed and maintained. And who do you think will inevitably have to fund all this? That's right, the Koopa Kingdom. Could the kingdom afford to do it? Of course! But surely we can all agree it would be better to put the financial resources of this kingdom towards something that could improve the lot of the whole kingdom and not just one of its many sub-classes? If education at our fine public institutions is a problem, I fail to see how building a single specialty school will fix that problem. In fact, I'd argue it'll make it worse by creating yet another school to suck up resources. Only this one will have a student base that's unnecessarily restricted! On the Fryguy side, I feel that this is moving them in the wrong direction. While I understand them looking back on their traditions with pride, won't isolating their pupils from the rest of the kingdom cut them off from the rest of the kingdom? Could this not lead to them building up less loyalty for the kingdom as a whole and instead placing their loyalty foolishly only amongst their fellow Fryguys?
I fear that by clinging to the past, the Fryguys threaten to harm their place in the kingdom, that by only teaching within their own ranks, they'll fail to establish the proper relations with other members of the kingdom needed to function within this beautiful kingdom. I understand the importance of traditions and I understand that they see the former Fryguy High as a symbol of pride, a school that existed for centuries, educating Fryguys long before a fully-national school system existed. But that's just it! We no longer live in those days. Instead, under the leadership of His Majesty Bowser Koopa and Minister Kamek, the Koopa Kingdom has a national school system the envy of any nation! I simply see no reason to waste time and resources attempting to build yet another fireproof school to serve the needs of just one of the many species in this kingdom when they are already being serviced by our fine public institutions. In short, I feel that rebuilding Fryguy High would be a mistake that would not only harm the kingdom financially but will prove harmful to the very people it sets out to help! |
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Now, I won't act as though any of the concerns Shoeseph raises are unwarranted, but, from my perspective, the concerns surrounding the reopening of Fryguy High are all addressable, albeit, with the solutions to those concerns coming with a price tag of their own. Yes, the school could possibly burn down again, but not with the right investments in fireproofed building materials! We should take our example from the Koopa Troop's own fortresses and castles, structures which are often filled with lava and which have withstood many an assault from a Fire Flower-empowered Mario. If we source materials from the same suppliers, there should be zero risk of the building burning again. Now, I grant that we can't exactly fireproof supplies such as books and computers, but we must weigh these minor costs against the benefits of reopening. Not only will Fryguy High instill young, impressionable Fryguys with Koopa Kingdom values, but it can even directly assist our fine armed forces. I should hardly need to remind you that explosive field trips are a proud tradition at Fryguy High. Imagine what damage could be inflicted on our enemies by arranging field trips to Mushroom Kingdom factories, like in the good old days.
Some may ask where the money will come from to pay for these fireproofed building materials and for staff training programs. Well, part of the cost will be offset by rebuilding Fryguy High on district-owned land, rather than spending a massive sum on land for a new school. As for the remainder of the extra costs, I would urge the board to consider seeking financial grants from the royal Koopa family. My reasoning? Simple. Our benevolent King Bowser and his family have long been supporters of the education of Fryguys, not only inviting Fryguy High's students to their cookouts in the 90s, but having for decades run the Fryguy Kindergarten right in the basement of Koopa Castle! I suspect that the royal family would jump at the chance to show their support for this endeavor. All in all, I applaud the school board for this fiscally-smart move that will do much to boost the education of a large and under-served segment of Koopa Kingdom youth, and I would encourage the board to pursue these solutions and others rather than folding to misguided public pressures and once again cancelling the reconstruction of this great school. |
Sprite credits: Sonik (tSR), Lakituthequick
Written by: Legend 8
Episode 9: Definitely Just A Normal Beach Day
It is a beautiful, sunny day on Isle Delfino and Pyro and Kroop are enjoying their well-earned vacation at the beach.
Kroop: Oh, wow! I didn't know you could pay for such a luxurious life using only the money from a free-entry show!
Pyro: Well, everything is possible if you have the power of Anti-Logic!
Yeah, it's all beautiful and stuff... But I'm still annoyed that I can't slurp one of your fancy drinks too! Why isn't THAT possible?
Pyro: Oh, you know... Sometimes it's not that cool to have a body, in a world as dangerous as this one...
Kroop: Also, I'm NOT sharing my drink!
Aw, come on... Only for a few minutes, so I can try it out!
Pyro: Maybe later. Right now, we've got more important stuff to do! I recently found out that, according to legend, the Sunken City of Mushlantis should lie somewhere around here! Wouldn't it be cool to go for a little dive and look for some ancient ruins?
Kroop: Dive?! ME?! Never! I'm a BURNING SKULL!!! I don't think that pairs well with GOING UNDERWATER where there's WATER EVERYWHERE! No, no, definitely NOT coming with you this time. I'll stay here and... Gaaah! Heeeellpp!
Pyro takes Kroop and jumps into the sea, where they float inside a giant bubble.
Pyro: See, explainer? It's pretty tight in here already. How good that you don't use up the space that a body would!
Well, that's good for you...
Kroop: GAaaAhaAaahH!!! Oh. Huh. Well, Pyro, that was not very polite. But at least I didn't get wet...
Pyro steers the bubble deeper and deeper, as suddenly a huge Porcupuffer approaches from behind a rock. It inflates itself and swims rapidly towards them.
Pyro: Uh-oh! RUUUUUUNNNN!!! Er, I mean FLOAAAAATTT!!!
Kroop: That sounds really stupid.
They manage to flee from the Porcupuffer, but float right into a group of Sushis that also start chasing them. After a long chase, they finally outrun the hungry shark creatures.
Phew... That was close - at least, for you two...
Pyro: See what I meant now?
Yeahhhh... Maybe right now is not the right time for a body. But later...?
Kroop: Oh, shoot! Pyro, do you have any idea where we are??
Pyro: ...No. I guess we're lost then. No problem, I'll just... Oh WOW look at that!!!
Their bubble is now swimming near the edge of a deep, dark abyss. Floating atop it are the shattered pieces of an ancient city. They swim closer to investigate.
Pyro: The ruins! We found the city!!! Careful, I'm landing the bubble so we can explore freely! Kroop, you can stay inside.
Pyro makes the bubble land on one of the floating isles and transforms his robe into a swimsuit, but as he prepares to get out of the bubble, the platform beneath them loses balance and starts to sink.
Pyro: Whoa! What the... That's not supposed to happen!
The platform gets rapidly pulled towards the dark abyss as Pyro gets back into the bubble and levitates it away, just in time to avoid getting pulled in too. The platform vanishes into nothingness.
Kroop: Wow. Was that a black hole?
Pyro: No... An interdimensional rift, probably. So that was the reason for Mushlantis sinking away into the ocean! What a great discovery! Everyone will adore me for it, all the museums will... Whoops. That was definitely not the reason we are doing this. Let's just explore a bit further... from a safe distance.
As they hover around and watch the rest of the sunken city, Pyro notices something.
Pyro: Oh no! It's growing more and more unstable! We must've broken the balance that kept it from being fully pulled into the rift, and now...
Kroop: Whoops! More and more parts are vanishing!
Oh no, it's such an ancient cultural remnant! We have to save it!
Pyro: You're right. Let's resurface so that I can cast a spell to close the rift.
Kroop: Finally, no more water!
Pyro: You DO know that we're going back in afterwards to finish the spell?
Kroop: !?!
Pyro teleports them back towards the beach and starts reciting a complicated anti-logical spell. A Pianta waitress walks past and asks them if they would like a drink.
Kroop: Oh yes! One... no, two large cocktails for me, please!
Aw man! I want a drink too!
Kroop: Pyro? Do you want a drink?
Of course, Pyro doesn't answer, as he needs to concentrate on his spell.
Kroop: Pyro! This is your last chance before we go down again to close the rift! You must be very thirsty from all that magic stuff.
The waitress starts walking away. Pyro now fully loses concentration and starts to panic.
Pyro: I.. no.. yes!! Waitress! I need a drink! And Kroop, IT'S NOT MAGIC!!!!
Kroop: Whoops, sorry! Oh... I guess that... counts as interrupting the spell...
Kroop and the Explainer have a panic attack as suddenly the ground starts shaking, the beach cracks apart and everything is starting to be pulled into the sea. Alien spaceships, dinosaurs and other extradimensional beings lapse into existence and vanish again.
Pyro: Oh. That's not very ideal. That... might have destroyed any chance we had at saving Mushlantis.
Gaaah! Kroop, what did you do?! This is the end of the world!!!
Kroop: I didn't mean to... I only wanted... AAAARGH, HEEEELLPPPP!!!!
Suddenly, the waves split and Gorgonzilla the cheese monster rises from the sea with a tremendous roar. It stomps towards the beach (or rather, what is left of it). Pyro has a panic attack.
Pyro: Oh, no, nononono, no, NOOOOO!!! What is happening?! This.. this smell... bwerk!
Pyro vomits into the sand, frantically trying to get away from the cheese monster and holding his nose to block the horrible stench.
Well, I don't exactly know what's happening either, but I can try to explain it to you... Your spell went horribly wrong, and now the rift is stronger than ever before. It must've disrupted the timelines and brought Gorgonzilla here from the past... Pyro, you've defeated him before! You have to save the world!!
Pyro: Well, I... I guess I have to. Then let's go.
Pyro jumps into the sea to face Gorgonzilla and transforms into a huge, black giant squid with his hat on top (and without a nose, of course). In his kraken form, he starts wrestling the huge stinky beast.
Kroop: Go Pyro! Destroy him!!! This is actually pretty epic!
Aw, I wish I had popcorn... And a mouth to eat it... Go Pyro!!!
Finally, Pyro hurls his smelly archenemy into the water, dives down after him and smacks him into the abyss.
Pyro: Go back to where you came from, you filthy piece of fermented milk!!!
Kraken-Pyro now plunges Gorgonzilla deep into the rift, clogging it and restoring reality back to normal. The rift closes and the beach stops falling apart. He resurfaces and transforms back into a Magikoopa.
Kroop: Yes! You did it! You should have seen yourself, you were all like SMASH and POW and...
Pyro: Oh nooooo!!! Now Mushlantis is gone! Forever! Now I'll never be honoured as the one who... I mean, such a beautiful piece of history, lost! What a tragedy...
Kroop: Oh, come on. Who even needs some old, wet ruins? And you only did it for the glory and fame, anyways.
Still - well done, Pyro! Do I get a body now?
Meanwhile in the future mammoth dimension, a mammoth hobby astronomer is looking at the sky after a long day full of chaos caused by an interdimensional rift alarm.
Suddenly he sees something very strange that hadn't been there the day before - bits of ancient, seaweed-covered ruins orbiting around a large cyber glacier.
Author's note: you might be a little confused with the episode numbers (me too; the 5+ thing was a stupid idea), but this IS actually episode 9. This is because last episode was actually part 4 of the Backstage Time Travels, although it said part 3 in the title. Won't happen again!
Also, thanks for voting Pyro and Kroop into second place for favourite community character award!
The Sunshine Travel Guide
Written by: TheBlueCatMenace
Booster Tower: Playtime!
I'm back everybody. Cosmo, CEO of The Sunshine Travel Agency is at your service. You might be wondering why I'm still writing lowly travel guides as a big shot CEO. Well, who am I to deprive my fanbase of more me? I'm me, after all. Anyway, the famous Booster Tower recently opened for visitors, because Booster wanted more "playmates". That sounds, really menacing.
History
Booster Tower really doesn't have a rich history. It was built a long time ago by Booster the Something-or-otherst. It is where the Booster family, a family of manbabies respectable people, dwell. The current Booster is of the seventh generation of Boosters.
Notable Floors
Booster Tower has a surprisingly large amount of attractions throughout the many floors. Because you probably don't want to stay here for any longer than you have to, I'll give you a rundown on the actually good activities.
Lobby
Obviously the lobby is where you first enter the tower, so it has some important stuff in it. Here's where you can find a directory, meet a tour guide, and other boring stuff.
Chomp Prison
Hidden behind a wall of paintings, you can find the Chomp prison. All sorts of Chain Chomps reside here, completely illegally. Yeah, I dunno about this one.
Pixel Room
This room magically transforms you into a low quality version of yourself! Walk around forever cursed to be unrecognisable and completely flat with no way to transform back! Oh, you can just go back behind the curtain? Never mind then.
Knife Guy's Epic Game Platform
Knife Guy has stationed himself in a small passageway and is playing a really lame game gosh darn it this place has nothing good can I please move on.
Catalogue
Booster has the largest toy store in the Mushroom Kingdom. Therefore, I've created an extra-long section detailing some of the toys.
| Mario Doll | ||
|---|---|---|
|
Who needs Mini Mario? The Mario doll is just as good, even though it can't move, talk, and has never saved people from apes! | |
| PRICE: | 20 coins | |
| Konkey Dong Plushes | ||
|---|---|---|
|
The famous Konkey Dong of no relation to other apes now in plushie form. Have it stare at you while you sleep, wake up to discover your children are gone! | |
| PRICE: | 50 coins and your sanity | |
| Mario Doll suffering from Flesh Eating Virus | ||
|---|---|---|
|
Oh what the heck is this. RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN! | |
| PRICE: | 10 coins and your flesh | |
| Fantastic Louie | ||
|---|---|---|
|
No it's not Luigi shut up. This is the completely original Louie, first appearing in Maria Siblings, and later appearing in Fantastic Maria Siblings. | |
| PRICE: | 20 coins and your friends | |
| Mario being eaten by a frog | ||
|---|---|---|
|
What do you need me to explain? | |
| PRICE: | 40 coins and your brain | |
| Mallow being crushed by the weight of the world | ||
|---|---|---|
|
Mallow used to be optimistic. He was stuck in a day job he hated, but he would get enough money to leave and pursue his dream. After a few years Mallow stopped moving up the corporate ladder, meaning he would never get his dream job. His girlfriend was cheating on him and his friend Geno was soaking up fame. Mallow spent every night crying in front of the television eating fruit loops. Until he died. Don't waste your life, guys. | |
| PRICE: | 40 coins and your happiness | |
| Koopa Troopa who had one too many mushrooms | ||
|---|---|---|
|
Oh wow, he doesn't look okay. Someone get a doctor. | |
| PRICE: | 10 coins and your health | |
| DK MONSTER TRUCK | ||
|---|---|---|
|
radical | |
| PRICE: | 60 coins and your popularity | |
| Soulless Polterpup | ||
|---|---|---|
|
Polterpup wants your soul… | |
| PRICE: | 60 coins and your soul | |
| Bear who killed Mario and stole his identity | ||
|---|---|---|
|
This bear killed Mario and stole his identity. | |
| PRICE: | 30 coins and your identity | |
| Dedicated Luigi Fan | ||
|---|---|---|
|
This Pikachu did not kill Luigi and steal his identity. They only put on a Luigi costume. | |
| PRICE: | 60 coins and your fanbase | |
| Deadly Koopa | ||
|---|---|---|
|
This Koopa committed Hit and Run and would do it again. | |
| PRICE: | 20 coins and your LIFE | |
| DK? | ||
|---|---|---|
|
Donkey Kong went insane from only getting remakes of his games. | |
| PRICE: | 80 coins and no new games | |
| Peach with the flu | ||
|---|---|---|
|
Peach about to throw up because she caught the dreaded Mad Moo Moo disease. | |
| PRICE: | 20 coins and bacteria | |
| OUR GREAT LEADER | ||
|---|---|---|
|
HAIL BE TO OUR GREAT YOSHI LEADER. ALL AGAINST US WILL FALL. ALL WILL PERISH TO THE RAIN OF EGGS. | |
| PRICE: | BLOOD SACRIFICE | |
Reviews
".... . .-.. .--. .. .- -- .- .... --- ... - .- --. . ... --- ... .----/10" - MorseCodeBaybee
"I don't need HELP because I loved this place. I AM not lying. A great place to be if you were ever BEING HELD HOSTAGE. BY golly, BOOSTER knows how to have fun. 10/10" - CapitalWords
Conclusion
Well, i hopE you ARE satisfied with this Book-lEngth Issue. Now, Great Fantastic bOosteR tower awaits! CEphlapods get a Discount. The Odd WRITing sEems bonkers, but examine it Greatly, and yOu will nOtice Deep secRets. Especially the reVIEWS section. hopeFully yOu enjoyed, Reader. if you enjoyed, Buddy, Open the fOrumS and TEll me, it would be appReciated. welp i HopE to see you guys again, Later Pals.
| The 'Shroom: Issue 209 | |
|---|---|
| Staff sections | Staff Notes • The 'Shroom Spotlight • Poochy's Picks • Credits |
| Features | Fake News • Fun Stuff • Palette Swap • Pipe Plaza • Critic Corner • Strategy Wing |
