The 'Shroom:Issue 208/Palette Swap
Director's Notes
Welcome back to The 'Shroom! It's July time!
Last month, I mentioned that I was going to be starting Shin Megami Tensei V: Vengeance. I'm most of the way through the new route, and I have to say, I like it! There were some quality of life improvements that Atlus added in and some new demons, as well. I'm still not the most impressed by the story, as it's taken a few turns that I'm not the biggest fan of, but overall, I'm glad to have another opportunity to jump back into this game. The original came out in 2021, and while I would have liked to do a couple of the other routes, 2021 was followed up by the busiest year for me in games since pre-pandemic in 2022! If you haven't played SMTV before and you were thinking about getting this one, I recommend it. It comes with the original story, so you can play both and see what you think of each!
This month, we have a guest art submission! HedgehogGaming has created an amazing Paper Mario art piece matching our Thousand Year Door theme this month! Most of our regular sections are here as well, minus Sport Report: The Movie as ClawgripFan took this month off for self care. I won't distract you up here any longer, so do proceed forward!
Happy reading!
~FunkyK38
Section of the Month
Meta Knight: Hey there, I was super late this month getting the poll information to the team directors, so I'm briefly hijacking Palette Swap. Congratulations to Waluigi Time (talk) for taking first this month with his Waluigi Time Comic; earning a narrow lead in front of The ? Panel from winstein (talk). Shmaluigi, Private Investigator rolls out third the bronze medal. Thank you so much to everyone who voted, and for our writers for continually submitting high-quality sections!
| PALETTE SWAP SECTION OF THE MONTH | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Place | Section | Votes | % | Writer |
| 1st | Waluigi Time Comic | 9 | 28.13% | Waluigi Time (talk) |
| 2nd | The ? Panel | 8 | 25.00% | winstein (talk) |
| 3rd | Shmaluigi, Private Investigator | 7 | 21.88% | Waluigi Time (talk) |
Waluigi Time Comic
Drawn by: Waluigi Time (talk)
"Downloads" - Waluigi Time Comic
Panel 1
[Grodus angrily points at Mr. Shbeeg being displayed on TEC's screen]
GRODUS: Johnson! What is this?
Panel 2
[A nervous X-Naut tries explaining]
JOHNSON: I was downloading the software you requested, S-Sir Grodus...
Panel 3
GRODUS: From the developer's website?
JOHNSON: Well...
Panel 4
[Mr. Shbeeg displays a confident expression]
MR. SHBEEG: Actually sir, I can be quite helpful for any business needs you have
Panel 5
GRODUS: Start wiping the hard drive, I'll find the backup copy
[Grodus and Johnson walk away in separate directions while Mr. Shbeeg displays a pained expression]
The ? Panel
Raven: It's starting to drizzle!
{Koopa Troopa partially covers his head}
{The downpour happens to the left. Raven shakes the water off}
Toad: Huh! that didn't last long.
Koopa Troopa: What's caused the rain, I wonder?
{Bowser is in his Koopa Clown Car crying, tears overflowing from it. The Clown Car has a sad expression. Kammy is flying on her broom slightly behind Bowser.}
Bowser: {Crying face down while pounding the rim of the Koopa Clown Car} Bwaaaaah!!! I *sniff* didn't get to be the *sniff* final boss, and I never got to *sniff* show the boss who's boss! Bwaaaaah!!!
Kammy: {Pats Bowser's shell} There, there. Next time you might have your chance.
Transcript
{Kammy is dazed on the ground, as a result from falling from the sky.}
Raven: What's up?
Kammy: Look, all I said is that he "might" get a chance, and then "POW!" I got smacked right out of my broom! So much for "might makes right"!
Koopa Troopa (to Toad): I guess he's shown her his right to use his might, all right!
{Toad is smiling smugly}
Shmaluigi, Private Investigator
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk)
Reminiscing in Rogueport
For me, my career really got started that week in Rogueport. Quite some time had already passed since I joined the NWPD to bust mafias, but I never got close to any of that. Monty Brando, of course, was outright unreachable for someone of my skills. Then Rogueport happened. Dismantling that upstart mafia was the biggest boon I ever had up to that point, and it set me on the path to where I am today over three years later. Moderately successful, a lot more competent, still haven't been able to topple my arch-nemesis but I'm working on that one. I owed most of it to Detective Fulbright and Mr. Goose, of course. Looking back on it, I've always doubted that I could've pulled it off alone. In the end, we basically just ended up restoring Rogueport's old power balance between the Pianta Syndicate and Robbo Thieves, but better the status quo at least, you know? Compared to those two seeming content to fight over their little port town, things could be a lot worse.
All this reminiscing to say, I'm heading back there! I had heard that the Rogueport Restoration Committee had been doing a lot of work, probably in no small thanks to the renewed interest in Mario's adventure gathering the Crystal Stars that's been around recently for some reason. It just got me thinking about it all again. I'd have loved to head back with the people I worked with on the case, but Detective Fulbright and Mr. Goose are always so busy, and I'm sure the Sticky Warrior is still cleaning things up from our last encounter, not that I'd even know where to start looking for the guy. So, I decided to do the next best thing and bring along Shmwario and Shmaisy.
Yeah, there's quite a significant drop down to "next best thing", I'll admit. Heh.
The boat ride to Rogueport was a mostly uneventful one. Shmaisy got seasick once, but she was fine by the time we got there. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a little amusing to see her break the calm front she puts up. It happens a lot more than you'd think.
I stepped off the boat and onto the dock, taking in the salty air. Still had that old Rogueport smell, I remembered it like it was yesterday.
"So this is Rogueport?" Shmaisy asked. "Already feels really seedy. Why is this a big tourist destination again? A bizarre interest in getting pickpocketed?"
"More like a lot of history and legends. You'd think they'd try harder to clean up, though," I replied.
"Well c'mon! Are we just gonna stand around yappin' on the dock or are we gonna go look at stuff?" Shmwario asked.
Seeing as my brother was already getting impatient, we made our way to the town square. It quickly became apparent that the so-called restoration work may have been a bit... overstated. It was mostly just a fresh coat of paint, litter cleanup, and some new decorations, which made the place feel less dingy, but didn't do anything to address the actual state of the crime-ridden town. I couldn't help but notice the Crystal Star decorations on the noose in the center of town. That felt... particularly tasteless.
"Alright, I'll go check our reservations at the inn," I said. "You two try not to get into too much trouble, if you can."
"C'mon, when's the last time I got into trouble?" Shmwario balked.
"How about on the boat ride here," Shmaisy replied.
"What is this, gang up on Shmwario day? How was I supposed to know that was a wig?"
Yeah, they were definitely going to get into trouble. But I had inn reservations to check on and it wasn't my job to babysit two grown adults, so I went inside Podley's Place, a combined bar and inn. The weathered brick walls and polished wooden floors were just as I remembered. Despite its location, it was a surprisingly pleasant establishment with a comforting atmosphere. I think just about everyone in town respects Mr. Podley, no matter what your story is.
I walked up to the old Bean tending the bar to check on the reservation. "Hello, do you have a reservation for three here under Shmaluigi?"
"I do indeed. Say, your face looks familiar, and that name rings a bell... Aren't you one of the detectives who was here several years back?"
"You have a good memory, Mr. Podley."
"I make it a point to try and remember all my guests. Besides, who could forget you all with how much ruckus you caused in my establishment?"
"Heh heh, sorry about that," I said sheepishly. "Well, don't worry, Shmaluigi's just here for some sightseeing this time. No mafia problems around here. Well, besides the usual..."
"I'm glad to hear it. Enjoy your stay."
With that squared away, I went back outside and... they were already gone. Great. Well, it didn't take too long to find them, they came stumbling through the eastern gate looking a tad disheveled.
"Oh. Hey," Shmaisy casually said when she saw me as she adjusted her trenchcoat.
"What did I tell you two about getting into trouble?" I said.
"How was I supposed to know we'd walk two feet away and get jumped by a Bandit?" Shmwario growled, getting his hat back into its proper place.
"You guys got mugged already?!"
"Well, not really. You shoulda seen the headlock Shmaisy put that sucker in! I gotta say I was real impressed!" Shmwario said.
"Hey, when you're on your own in the detective game, you learn a thing or two," she added.
"I probably should have mentioned that the east side is the seedier part of town, come to think of it..." I said to myself.
"No kiddin'," Shmwario grumbled.
"How about we go to the side where you don't constantly run into pickpocketers, then?" Shmaisy suggested with more than a little sarcasm.
We all silently agreed that was probably the best idea, so we went on over that way. Unfortunately, we were stopped in our tracks by Zess T., the town chef.
"Hold it, you three! Don't you dare take another step!" she hollered.
"Whaddaya mean don't take another step?!" Shmwario yelled back, rising to match in intensity.
"Some jerk bumped into me and knocked out my contact lens! Again! I'm trying to find it right now, so don't even think about moving through here if you value your health!"
"What gives you the right to tell people where they can't walk, lady?! I'll just be careful, I'm not gonna step on the dang thing!" Shmwario said, raising his foot.
"DO NOT TAKE A STEP!!!"
"Try and stop me!"
Defiant as ever, Shmwario only managed to take one step before we all heard a loud crunching sound.
"D'oh."
"YOU IDIOT! YOU PULVERIZED MY CONTACT LENS! DID YOU NOT HEAR A SINGLE WORD I SAID?"
"Well, you, uh, you shouldn't have lost it in the first place! So there!"
"Alright Sir Stompalot, you better buy me a new contact lens! On the double!"
"Are you kiddin'?! I don't have to buy you anything!"
While Zess T. and Shmwario continued to bicker back and forth, I gave Shmaisy a nudge. "Hey, how about we just go over to the shop and buy her a new lens so we can get on with things?"
"That's probably a good idea. If we leave it up to him, they're just going to argue for literally the entire trip," she said.
We broke away from the two of them, not that we were noticed at all, and went back to the store to clean up this mess.
"That Toad sure has a lot of guts acting so fiery towards someone twice her size," Shmaisy said on the way.
"Yeah. Some people are a lot bigger on the inside," I added, my mind drifting in particular towards a certain Magikoopa landlord of mine.
We went inside and were immediately greeted by a mustachioed Toad. "Hey there, you two! Welcome to the Toad Bros. Bazaar! I'm Plenn T., the co-founder and proprietor. What can I do for you?"
"Do you have any contact lenses in stock?" I asked.
"Certainly! Are you here for Zess T., by any chance?"
"That we are... how'd you guess?"
"Oh, you'd be surprised how often she loses one and it gets crushed. I've made it a point to always keep some stocked ever since Mario came through here. It'll be ten coins for one lens."
I wasn't too thrilled that the first bit of my spending money for the trip was going towards this, but it is what it is, I suppose. I handed over the money and got the contact lens, making sure to be extra careful with it.
"Thank you for your business! Please come again!"
We left the store and went back over to Shmwario and Zess T., who were still shouting at each other.
"Excuse me, Ms. Zess T.?" I said, unsuccessfully trying to break through.
"And another thing! You shoulda been more careful where you were goin', then you wouldn't have bumped into that guy!" Shmwario said.
"Oh yeah? Well if you weren't so clumsy with your giant feet, this wouldn't be a problem, now would it!" Zess T. snapped back.
"HEY! COOL IT!" Shmaisy shouted. Huh, it actually worked.
"Thanks. Ahem, Ms. Zess T., Shmaluigi bought you a new contact lens."
"You did? Well, that's more like it! See Crushy McGee, maybe you could learn something from this guy," she said, taking the lens and heading back into her house, shooting Shmwario one last dirty look.
"Hey, you shouldn't have done that! Now she got away with it," Shmwario told me.
"Look, if I didn't bail you out then you two would still be standing here having it out while Shmaisy and I were on the boat back home."
"I bet she woulda backed down first..."
I rolled my eyes and decided it would be better to just move past it, literally and figuratively. My big brother can be as stubborn as a Thwomp. All that mattered was we could go see the west side now.
And now I found out where all the restoration work actually ended up going. Everything looked like it could have been built yesterday with the condition it was in. Buildings in perfect shape, newly redone roads, the whole works. I shouldn't have been surprised. After all, the Pianta Syndicate did have a very disproportionate influence over the town compared to their rivals the Robbos. The Restoration Committee was probably on their payroll...
"Hey look! A casino!" Shmwario said, excitedly pointing at the Pianta Parlor.
"Aw yeah, we're gonna get rich!" Shmaisy added.
"Are you two serious? You're just going to waste all of your spending money," I protested. "Besides, that place is ran by the Pianta Syndicate. I don't deal with the mafia, I only deal with the mafia."
"Pssh, it's gonna be fine! If you don't wanna hit it big, then you can stay out here while Shmaisy and I go for the jackpot!"
"Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you."
With that, Shmwario and Shmaisy ran into the Pianta Parlor, leaving me to see the sights on my own. They'd regret it once they ran out of cash!
As it turns out, sightseeing in a little port town and running on pure nostalgia for the appeal doesn't get you very far when you're all alone. It had probably only been about half an hour since we arrived, and... well, I was kind of bored. I wasn't sure what to do, so, against my better judgment, I decided to go back over to the east side of town and stopped by the Trouble Center to see if there were any little things I could help with on the trip. I looked over the board for anything up my alley and, importantly, local. A lot of them were just running simple errands, and some were posted by people as distant as Fahr Outpost, but one in particular caught my eye.
Looking for the assistance of a detective to track down a pair of particularly elusive ne'er-do-wells. If this interests you, please see Wattson at Podley's Place.
A detective? Sounds like me. I accepted the trouble and went back to Podley's Place to look for this Watson fellow. Of course, the bartender knows everything going on in their establishment, it's practically a law of bartending, so I checked with Mr. Podley.
"Back again so soon?" he asked. "What can I do for you, Mr. Shmaluigi?"
"Is there anyone by the name of Wattson here? Shmaluigi took a request from the Trouble Center that said to look for them here."
"You must be talking about Dr. Thomas Wattson. He's right over there," he said, taking a brief pause from cleaning the glass he was holding to point to his table. I looked over to the table and saw a mustachioed Lil Sparky sitting there, or floating, rather, with a pensive expression. A small bowler hat sat on top of his head, and a copper pipe hung from his mouth. He had all the makings of a distinguished gentleman, so I had to wonder what he was doing in a place like this.
"Thanks, Mr. Podley," I said, then left the bar and made my way over to Dr. Wattson's table. It was only now upon closer inspection that I realized his pipe wasn't emitting smoke, but electrical sparks. That seemed dangerous. "You're Dr. Wattson, correct?"
"That would be me, my good man. What can I do for you?" he replied politely.
"Shmaluigi picked up your request at the Trouble Center looking for a detective. What seems to be the problem?"
"Ah, I had hoped that was the case, you appeared to be the type. Please, sit down." I complied and sat down at the table as he began to explain the situation. "You see, I came to Rogueport to track down a pair of Spania rascals named Rowe and Tate. They've been causing trouble across the town - fairly low-level criminal activity, mind you, but enough for them to become quite the nuisance. Their last known whereabouts are entering the western gate last night, however... I haven't been able to pinpoint their location since then. No one that I've conversed with on the west side mentioned seeing them at all, and they couldn't have left on the Cheep Blimp or the Excess Express."
"And you talked to everyone on the west side?" I asked.
"Well, I haven't been able to get an audience with Frankie, the Pianta Syndicate boss... I've been over to the Parlor, but chaps like me aren't exactly welcome."
"That might be the key, as much as Shmaluigi hates to admit it. The Syndicate would probably know if there were other criminals active on their home turf." Looks like I would be dealing with the mafia on this trip after all. Great.
"I considered the possibility myself. But how will we get to them?"
"We'll have to head back to the Pianta Parlor. Even if they won't let us talk to Frankie directly, there has to be someone around there who knows how to get a meeting with him."
"Alright then, off we go."
We left Podley's Place and walked back across town to the Pianta Parlor. The loud sounds and flashing lights created a sensory overload that was probably to be expected from a place solely designed to make you lose all your hard-earned coins. I saw Shmwario right away, sitting at a slot machine near the entrance.
"Hey bro. How's it going in here?" I asked.
"Well you know what they say bro, 90% of gamblers quit before they hit it big!" he said, briefly turning his attention away from all the spinning things.
"In other words, you're on a losing streak."
"Yeah... But not for long!"
"Where's Shmaisy?"
"Oh, she's over there playin' poker. Turns out she's a real card shark, from what I can tell."
"Well, you two have fun. I have business to attend to."
We walked over to one of the Pianta enforcers, hoping that he would tell us how to see Frankie. It was probably a longshot.
"Excuse me sir," Dr. Wattson said, "could you by any chance tell us how to see your employer?"
"Sorry pal, I ain't supposed to let schlubs like you in to see da boss. Now scram, if you know what's good for ya."
That was unfortunate, but not unpredictable. We backed away from him to figure out our next move, when I heard a voice come from down below.
"Psst. I heard you guys are looking to see Frankie?"
I looked down to see a Goomba in a green cap looking up at us.
"Yeah, we are. Can you make that happen?" I asked.
"No, I can't, but I know who can. Ishnail, on the east side. He's the leader of the Robbo Thieves. He can tell you how to get in with Frankie... but it's gonna cost you."
"Thank you very much, my good man," Dr. Wattson said. "Now then, how about we go track down this Ishnail character?"
"Sounds like a plan."
With that, we left the Parlor and headed for the west side of town. I sure was getting my exercise in today. What I wouldn't have given for the ability to, oh, I don't know, cover a lot of distance really fast by spinning, or something like that. Just spitballing.
Finding the Robbo's hideout took a little bit of searching, which was a pretty uncomfortable experience. They can slap as many paints of coat around as they want, doesn't change the fact that this whole side of town is Bandit alley. Needless to say, I made it as quick as we could. I wasn't sure about Dr. Wattson, but I certainly didn't have the combat chops to get out of a shady encounter like Shmwario or Shmaisy could. Curse these skinny limbs.
Anyway, we finally found it tucked away in a back alley. Heading inside didn't do anything to ward away the bad vibes. There, we found Ishnail himself with two Craw guards.
"What, you two lost? This here is the fortress of the Robbo Thieves. State your business or get out before we make you," he said. Not exactly the friendliest type.
"We don't mean any trouble, Mr. Ishnail. We're just here to see if you can tell us how we can meet Frankie," I said.
"What? You wanna meet Frankie? I mean, he's not as bad as that jerk Don Pianta, but that ain't sayin' much. If you really wanna meet 'im, I'll tell you, but you're gonna have to pay up. That info's gonna be 64 coins."
Yeesh, pricey. Well, I had no choice but to hand it over.
"Wait, really? Nice!" Mr. Ishnail said, apparently in disbelief that we would've shelled out that much for it. "I mean, uh, yeah, smart call for you, doin' that. Yeah. Alright, here's what you gotta do. You go over to the shop next to the Pianta Parlor, and then you buy a Dried Mushroom and then a Dizzy Dial. It's gotta be in that order. It's a secret sign goin' way back. Anyway, then the Boo who runs the shop is gonna ask you what your favorite color is, and you gotta answer yellow. Then she'll let you back to see Frankie. You got that? Dried Mushroom, Dizzy Dial, yellow."
"Much appreciated, sir," Dr. Wattson said.
"No problem. You wanna know anything else, you come by as long as you got the coins for it," Mr. Ishnail told us as we left.
And now it was all the way back to the other side of town, again. Not that I was going to complain much about getting out of here.
Everything at the shop went just the way Mr. Ishnail said, thankfully, and now we found ourselves in Frankie's office. I have to be honest, I've heard a lot of stories about Don Pianta in my day, and this guy sitting here? Kind of a sad replacement for him, honestly. I wasn't so sure if he was fit for this line of work, but here he was.
"What da? I've neva seen da two a youse around... How'd you get in here?" he asked. "Actually, you know what, I probably gotta change dat whole 'buy a Dried Mushroom and a Dizzy Dial' thing and the favorite color question... Dat's probably been all ova da internet for a while. Anyway, uh, what did you come here for?"
"We don't mean to take up much of your time, Mr. Frankie. We're trying to investigate two criminals who may be operating on your turf, a Spania duo named Rowe and Tate," I explained.
"Yes, my sources say they were last seen heading into your side of town. No one living here seems to know anything about it, however. We were hoping that your organization was keeping tabs on them," Dr. Wattson continued.
"What? I never heard of anything like dat, but dat's no good! Dis is Pianta Syndicate territory! Those guys can go hang out in Robbo territory or whateva where dey ain't botherin' us and nosin' in our business," Mr. Frankie said, then turned to the two Pianta bodyguards standing on the side of the office. "Youse two! Go look into dis afta da meeting!"
"Yes boss!" "Right away, boss!"
"I'm sorry I can't be more help, but I appreciate da tip. We'll find those guys and send 'em... uh, cryin' home to mama, or something."
"I see... Well, thank you for your time, sir. We'll be taking our leave now," Dr. Wattson said as we left.
I could tell that Dr. Wattson was disappointed on the walk back outside. To tell the truth, I was too. Hitting a wall in an investigation is really frustrating. Those Spanias couldn't have just disappeared into thin air, but I was at a loss.
"Well... We could just let the Piantas take care of things," I said.
"Yes, I suppose you're right... It's just that... I was really hopeful that this could be a big break for me," Dr. Wattson replied.
I didn't have time to ask him what he meant before I heard a commotion coming from the Pianta Parlor.
"Yeah, well, who needs you chumps anyway!"
The doors burst open and out stumbled Shmwario and Shmaisy - she ended up tripping over her heels and fell to the ground. A Pianta enforcer stood in the doorway.
"And don't come back unless you got more cash!" the Pianta said before slamming the door shut.
"You, uh, run into some trouble?" I asked.
"You know what I said about that whole quittin' before the big win thing? Yeah, that big win never really showed up," Shmwario said.
"And Shmwario said you were a card shark," I said, turning to Shmaisy.
"That last deck had to be loaded! The dealer knew I was on a hot streak!" she complained.
"Well, if it makes you feel better, you're not the only one who didn't accomplish anything," I said. "Oh, Dr. Wattson, this is Shmaluigi's brother Shmwario, and this is, um, just Shmaisy. This is Dr. Thomas Wattson. We're working on a little case, or at least we were."
"How do you do?" Dr. Wattson said, greeting them.
"So even on a little trip you end up trying to solve mysteries, huh?" Shmaisy asked.
"It's been a disturbingly recurring pattern, actually," I replied. I started walking back towards Podley's Place when I noticed something strange on the ground. "Wait a minute, what's this?"
"Hm? What is it, my good man?" Dr. Wattson asked.
I bent down to look closer at the sewer grate, noting a set of peculiar scratches going down one set of slots. It wouldn't have been too out of place, if it weren't for the restoration. This grate was otherwise relatively pristine for something that people walk on everyday. "This sewer grate... See these markings? It's in a weird place, and the grate is otherwise in pretty good condition."
"I'm not entirely sure I follow."
"The Spinia family can scrunch down to fit into thin crevasses... That's what we've been missing this whole time! They could've come here in the dark and slipped away into the sewers, that's why nobody else has seen them! Shmaluigi's no expert, but these could very well be scratches left by Spania horns."
"Look at that! My bro, the detective!" Shmwario exclaimed.
"Why, that's... elementary!" Dr. Wattson said, his spirits raising once more. "So we should be examining the Rogueport Underground instead!"
"Alright, just have to..." I mumbled, trying to pry the grate off. It, um, didn't really work. I don't think it budged at all. "Erm, Shmwario, can you try this?"
"No problem! Just watch and learn, everybody, the great Shmwario's gonna show you a thing or two! Bwahaha!" Shmwario laughed, his face beaming with confidence. The confidence soon melted away, leaving frustration, until he ended up pulling so hard that he fell backwards while the grate remained exactly where it was before. "Y'know, on second thought, this probably ain't a regulation sewer grate. It's gotta be defective!"
"Wait a minute! There's a warp pipe to the underground over here!" Dr. Wattson said, floating over to a tall pipe in a bed of flowers.
"Well, that's great, but that's too tall for Shmaluigi to reach," I said.
"Not for long!" Shmwario exclaimed, running up to the side of the pipe. "C'mon, Bros. Stack!"
Using Shmwario for a height boost, I was able to grab the rim of the pipe and pull myself up on top. "Thanks for the lift, bro."
"Hey, what are siblings for? You owe me for this one, though!"
"Pretty sure this makes us even..."
"Nah, you gotta keep better records!"
I shook my head and slipped down the pipe into the millennium-old ruins, followed by Dr. Wattson. I'd never been down here before, and seeing it for the first time felt almost awe-inspiring, yet eerie all at once. There's lots of caves all over the Mushroom Kingdom, but this was at one time its own civilization, and then suddenly one day, it wasn't anymore. Real freaky stuff. No time to take it in now, though. We had Spanias to look for.
"Look, that door over there is hanging open," I said. When in doubt, look for signs that someone's been here.
I walked over to the door and opened it, trying to be careful with it. I figured being too aggressive could easily tear this thing off its hinges, and I didn't want to disturb historical ruins too much. Sure enough, there were two Spanias inside, and even better, it was a dead end! No escaping for these two!
"Oi! Rowe, looks like we got some blokes snoopin' around, eh?"
"That's sure what it looks like, Tate! I think we oughta teach these two a lesson!"
"That's what you think, you ruffians! At last, justice prevails!" Dr. Wattson exclaimed.
"Oh, look at Mr. Detective over here! What do you think this is, some kinda cheesy novel?" Rowe said. "Eat this!"
The two of them gave each other a devious look and quickly spun past us, making me dizzy. Before I could get my bearings straight, one of them pulled out an Earth Quake and smashed it to the ground.
"Later, jokers! Heheheheheh!"
"Argh! Those rapscallions pulled an Earth Quake!" Dr. Wattson exclaimed. "Careful Shmaluigi, stand your ground!"
Well, that was kind of difficult to do. Dr. Wattson wasn't affected by the room shaking since he was able to float, but that attack really rocked my socks. More importantly, it damaged the fragile infrastructure and caused a ton of rubble to come crashing down in front of our only exit.
"Oh no, this is dreadful! They got away, and now we're trapped inside this chamber..."
I pulled myself off of the ground, retrieving my hat and putting it back on. "Well, there's only one thing to do. We have to dig ourselves out of here, then we can deal with the Spanias."
Dislodging all of that rubble was going to take a long time, but I had nothing but time at the moment, so I got to work pulling the smaller bits and pieces from the pile and tossing them onto the ground behind us. Dr. Wattson quickly joined in. Engaging in such a repetitive and arduous task made it a good time to have a chat.
"You know, when we left Frankie's office earlier, you said something about wanting this to be your big break... What did you mean by that?"
Dr. Wattson hesitated to answer for a moment. "This was... not my first case. Not even anything close to that, as a matter of fact. I've been in this line of work for years. Tell me, have you ever heard of Charredrock Holmes?"
The name was eerily similar to someone I did know - but this particular character was unfamiliar to me. "Doesn't ring a bell."
"He was the finest detective I ever had the pleasure of knowing. A brilliant mind, he had. You couldn't find a Li'l Cinder sharper than him anywhere. I was his protege. We traveled all over the world solving mysteries together for many years, up until very recently, when... he perished alongside his archnemesis. I've been trying to make it on my own since then, I truly believe it's what he would have wanted. But, I just... I cannot. I am a mere half of a duo. I cannot match the greatness of that brilliant man."
I paused to reflect on what I was just told. I didn't expect all that.
"Look, I know what it's like, losing someone important to you like that. It hurts, a lot. You feel like part of you is missing and you try to move on, but you always have that nagging sense that something's just not right."
"Does it get any better?"
"Better? Not really. Just different. You start to get used to your new reality and it doesn't consume your every waking thought anymore. The pain lessens, but it never really goes away. And no matter what happens, you'd still give anything to go back to how things used to be. Believe me."
The conversation returned to silence after that, before Dr. Wattson spoke up again. "Well, look at us. A couple of old downers, eh?"
Between the two of us, I was surprised that he was the one to break the tension first. I couldn't help but chuckle.
We kept at it, but it was starting to feel like clearing this rubble would take an eternity. Suddenly, that time estimate was greatly shortened by something bursting through the rubble, clearing the way to the door.
"WOW! Man, what a rush! Bwahaha... ha... man, I'm gonna be sore in the morning."
"Shmwario?!"
"Yep, it's me, your big bro! Now you definitely owe me, no matter what your crummy accountin' says!" he exclaimed, and unfortunately, he was right. "You didn't think we were gonna leave you to crawl through the sewers by yourselves, did you?"
"And we brought you a couple of presents," Shmaisy said peering through the doorway, holding a pair of unconscious Spanias by their horns. In this state, they resembled busted accordions.
"Caught these chumps tryin' to run past us on our way in, so we gave 'em the ol' one-two!" Shmwario said with a grin.
After getting the business in the Rogueport Underground wrapped up, we turned Rowe and Tate over to the authorities. In this case, the authorities just so happened to be the Pianta Syndicate. Not exactly what I would consider proper authorities, but authorities nonetheless. All I know is I wouldn't want to be one of those Spanias right now.
The four of us went back to Podley's Place to wind down, and Dr. Wattson informed us that he was going to be leaving Rogueport in the morning. After a decent night's sleep at the inn, we went down to the harbor to see him off.
"You sure you don't want to stick around? We're going to be in the area for a few more days," I said.
"No, I'm afraid I best be off. But I have to thank you all for everything, truly," Dr. Wattson replied.
"Alright then. It was a pleasure to work with you, Dr. Wattson. If you ever happen to be near New Wikisburg, don't be a stranger," I told him, handing him a business card from my pocket.
"Will do, my good man. It's been an honor. Oh, I almost forgot. Here's payment for your troubles."
"You don't have to-"
"Please, I insist."
I had a feeling I probably couldn't argue with him, so I took the coins he offered me, and then we watched him get on the boat and waved as he sailed off.
"I hope he finds what he's looking for out there," I commented as the boat disappeared over the horizon.
"Yeah... Anyway, I got some blimp tickets from Frankie when we turned those Spania chumps in. Who wants to see the Glitz Pit??" Shmwario asked, excitedly holding up a set of tickets.
"Aw yeah! Let's do it!" Shmaisy exclaimed.
"Sure, why not. It'll be nice not being the ones in physical danger for a change," I said. Off to Glitzville we go!
The End
Thanks for reading this story that ended up being a lot beefier than I expected! For those of you who don't already know, Shmaluigi was originally created to be used in a forum game that took place in Rogueport, so it only seemed fitting to send him back there for the Thousand-Year Door special! I'm going to be taking a break from this section for a little bit, but when we meet again, expect big things!
