The 'Shroom:Issue 183/Blooper Race

Blooper Race

Written by: Mustard Machine (talk), Hooded Pitohui (talk), Waluigi Time (talk), Ninja Squid (talk), and Roserade (talk)
Art by: TPG (talk) and GBA (talk); Blooper designs by the MarioWiki community

Here's a special foreword from the Isle Delfino Blooper Racing Board:

Blooper racing is a treasured, traditional sport among the people of Isle Delfino. For as long as history will show us, the domestication and competition of Bloopers has been an exhilarating activity and a show of great leadership for winning trainers. In the modern day, Blooper racing has grown into a huge scene and financial market for our people. If one were to walk through the Square, they would almost certainly hear locals discussing the latest racing event, or the one that's coming up this evening. That's why it is our honor to share in our sport with 'Shroom readers.

Today, twenty racers will enter onto the Blooper Racing stage, and only one can be crowned as victor! That's right, every Blooper submitted to the competition has been accepted! These racers have been training extensively for their spot, and they are here to prove that they belong, and deserve the title of champion! There will be drama, speed, incredible comebacks, and remarkable stories, and it's all coming to you live from Isle Delfino!

The races will be starting soon, so let's get you right to the action!

Ricco Harbor Race

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the first stage of the 2022 Blooper Racing Grand Championship, presented by The 'Shroom. I'm your colorful commentator, Shoic Andergoom. Ladies and gentlemen, it is a beautiful day in scenic Ricco Harbor. The temperature is 83 degrees Fahrenheit, little more than a slight breeze, and a current so weak that a small child could swim without worry. Perfect conditions for a race. In this race we have five top-of-their-class competitors, true stars of Blooper racing. Each Blooper will be competing for honor, glory, and most importantly, a custom Shine Sprite and an all-expenses-paid vacation.

In lane one, proudly wearing number 52, we have Bloopimar, hailing from Deep Dark Galaxy. An unconventional racer qualifying from the intergalactic circuit, this squid is best known for his three mini-squids that serve as weapons.

In lane two, wearing number 12, we have Bloof, representing King Bowser’s Royal Airforce. This Blooper is a master of both the sky and the water.

Ready in lane three, sporting the number 3, we have B.L.O.O.P.E.R., the pride of Ink Inc. A technological wonder originally created to combat the Mario, converted to a racer during this time of peace.

Stretching in lane four we have racer number 18, Rocket Blooper. Created in a lab accident involving a Rocket Wisp and a Blooper, Rocket Blooper has had a dominating run with its speed managing to set the record for largest margin of victory.

Finally in lane five we have the creature from the deep: sporting the number 1260, Vampire-Blooper. A quick and cunning racer, Vampire-Blooper relies on its nimble movement and stealthy actions to win races. But make no mistake: Vampire-Blooper isn’t afraid to sink its teeth into an opponent.

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I’m being told that they are about to start the race. Before the race begins, I’d like to remind everyone that this years Grand Championship of Blooper Racing is presented by The 'Shroom. The 'Shroom, New Wikisburg’s number 1 newspaper for the last 15 years.

And they’re off ladies and gentlemen! Bloof gets off the starting line first, opening up a brief lead, with B.L.O.O.P.E.R in second and Bloopimar in third. There appears to be some commotion on the starting line; it appears that Vampire-Blooper has attacked Rocket Blooper! Could this be an ingenious strategy by Vampire-Blooper to take out one of the stronger competitors in race? Or perhaps Vampire-Blooper was just hungry! Either way, Vampire-Blooper and Rocket Blooper are losing a lot of time as the others have pulled away! In the lead sits the jet engine Bloof, taking advantage of the calm water by perfectly balancing its wings on the water. In second, we have B.L.O.O.P.E.R., spinning his robot tentacles like propellers. In third stands Bloopimar, who - wait a minute, it appears the Bloopmin are climbing on Bloopimar’s back and forming a little sail! There might not be much wind folks but it appears that - yes, Bloopimar’s plan is working! Bloopimar pulls ahead of B.L.O.O.P.E.R. and takes second place as the Bloopers enter turn one.

Looking back at the start, Vampire-Blooper is nowhere to be found. Perhaps it’s taken to the deeps to catch its opponents by surprise. Unfortunately, Rocket Blooper isn’t looking so good - it might be fully knocked out. It better wake up soon, or this race will be out of its league. Turning to back to the action, Bloopimar with his makeshift sail has caught up to Bloof! It’s nick and tuck as they pass the lead back and forth coming on to the straight away. Still sitting in third but losing ground, B.L.O.O.P.E.R appears to be slowing down. Could it be exhaustion already? No, he’s a robot, that doesn’t make any sense... perhaps one of the mechanics at Ink Inc. didn’t properly secure a bolt! No, wait - it looks like he’s slowing down intentionally, could he be aiming some kind of weapon? Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that appears to be exactly what’s happening! He appears to have fired some sort of net, a dirty play but completely legal. Our two leaders in front don’t appear to have any idea what befalls them and, oh no ladies and gentlemen, a direct hit on Bloof, who is now tangled in the net! The net however has completely missed Bloopimar who is looking to take a commanding lead as he enters Ricco Harbor. Bloopimar enters the harbor! He’s ducking and weaving through the boats, but wait, there appears to be something strange shining from the water - could it be? Yes it is ladies and gentlemen, it’s Vampire-Blooper, who, as it’s done many times before, has sucked the energy from another Blooper and has used that energy to reenter, surprise everyone by jolting to the front of the pack!

It doesn’t appear that Bloopimar has any idea that Vampire-Blooper is anywhere near him. The Bloopmin have broken their sail and started cheering, oh no they think they’re the only ones in the harbor! They think they're miles ahead of any opponent. Look out Bloopmin, your hubris may be your doom! Coming out of the shadows of one of the boats, Vampire-Blooper is looking to pounce! It lunges at Bloopimar! The Red Bloopmin notices the lunging predator but it is too late to stop it! Vampire-Blooper strikes Bloopimar, attempting to drag him under one of the boats. A good stroke of fortune for B.L.O.O.P.E.R., who finally enters the harbor. With two of his opponents tied up, this could be a good chance for B.L.O.O.P.E.R. to take the lead. Near the rear, Bloof has finally managed to break free of the net, and what’s this? It’s spinning through the water now! No doubt attempting to use the vortex to give itself a boost! Back at the start, Rocket Blooper still hasn’t recovered and is barely beginning to make its way down the course.

In the harbor, B.L.O.O.P.E.R. is attempting an unorthodox strategy - instead of swimming through the boats, he's instead climbed on top of one of them and is jumping from boat to boat. Perhaps he hopes to avoid the battle between Bloopimar and Vampire-Blooper. As B.L.O.O.P.E.R takes the lead, Bloof has approached the harbor, stopping. It appears to be stopping its vortex, a smart move as the vortex might bring in the boats. Jumping back to Vampire-Blooper vs Bloopimar, it seems that Bloopimar has managed to shake free of Vampire-Blooper, although it seems the the Red Bloopmin has been lost in the crossfire. As of now it’s B.L.O.O.P.E.R. in first jumping from boat to boat. Bloopimar in second having managed to shake off Vampire-Blooper. Vampire-Blooper in third place now making its way through the harbor. Bloof in fourth place who... what’s this, it appears that Bloof is going off course! What are you doing Bloof! Go back! That’s not the right way! Wait a minute, what’s that off the course - why, it’s a jet ski ramp! Could that be what Bloof is going for? Yes, that’s exactly what Bloof is going for! Bloof has jumped off the ramp and taken to the sky! Of course now Bloof can use its supersonic speed without fear of obstacles.

Vampire-Blooper has overtaken Bloopimar and is making solid gains on B.L.O.O.P.E.R., who appears to be once again slowing down. Wait, now he’s turning around - his eye is lighting up - what’s he going to do now? Wait a minute, something is being fired from the eye; it appears to be an object of some sort. It-it-it’s a decoy! But why is he firing a decoy of all things? The decoy has landed right in front of Vampire-Blooper who has suddenly come to a complete stop. Of course, now I understand ladies and gentlemen, what a brilliant move by B.L.O.O.P.E.R.! The decoy he’s fired is emitting bioluminescence on the same wavelength as Vampire-Blooper. Vampire-Blooper is puffing up attempting to intimidate the decoy but the decoy isn’t a real Blooper. Vampire-Blooper is stuck ladies and gentlemen! it cannot pass this decoy! Oh what a turn of events for a racer that was showing so much promise!

But this slowed down B.L.O.O.P.E.R. enough that Bloof and Bloopimar have caught up to him as the squids enter Ricco Cove. Bloof takes the lead, but it’ll have to be careful to navigate through the tightness of Ricco Cove. Entering the cove it’s Bloof just barely in front, with B.L.O.O.P.E.R. and Bloopimar basically tied for second. B.L.O.O.P.E.R. has suddenly begun doing a back stroke, but for what reason? Suddenly B.L.O.O.P.E.R. has begun firing lasers at stalagmites hanging off the cove in an attempt to clip Bloof’s wings! But Bloof isn’t being affected by this at all and is putting on a show of sky dancing, avoiding every obstacle B.L.O.O.P.E.R. fires at it. Bloof is nearing the exit of the cove but wait, what’s happening? It’s beginning to drift rightwards! Wait a minute - oh no! Ladies and gentlemen, while Bloof was busy dodging falling rocks caused by B.L.O.O.P.E.R’s lasers, Bloopimar managed to stealthily land the yellow Bloopmin on its right side wing. Bloof doesn't have proper weight control and it’s tilting into the rocks! It’s gonna be close - if Bloof can get out of the cave, it’ll be able to shake the yellow Bloopmin off, but if not, this might be it for Bloof. It’s getting close, I’m on the edge of my seat! Can they get out in time... SLAM! Bloof crashes into the rocks right before the exit of the cove. That might be it for Bloof! What an amazing attack by the yellow Bloopmin as Bloopimar and B.L.O.O.P.E.R. exit the cove and into the final straightaway.

It looks like it’s gonna be a two Blooper race with Vampire-Blooper still tied up with the decoy and Bloof completely knocked out. But back at the start it seems Rocket Blooper has woken up and yes it's pumping up. One pump, two pumps, three pumps and it's off! Rocket Blooper has fired off using its legendary rocket speed. It’s blown through the first turn! It’s jumped over the boats, and it’s navigated the cove! Rocket Blooper is coming up on B.L.O.O.P.E.R and Bloopimar! It looks like it’s about to pass them! Oh my what a remarkable comeback this will be. But wait, it’s slowing down! Oh what a cruel fate - it appears that a combination of losing energy to the Vampire-Blooper and having to use up so much energy to catch up so quickly may cost it. They’re coming up on the finish line! It’s B.L.O.O.P.E.R. by a tentacle over Bloopimar with Rocket Blooper just a little ways behind in third. It looks like B.L.O.O.P.E.R is gonna take it - but wait it looks like the blue Bloopmin has jumped off Bloopimar and is attempting to swim against Bloopimar, pushing him ahead of B.L.O.O.P.E.R. It’s gonna be a photo finish! It’s B.L.O.O.P.E.R., now Bloopimar, now B.L.O.O.P.E.R., now Bloopimar, and they’ve both crossed the finish line! Ladies and gentleman it looks like it’s Bloopimar by a hair! Wait a minute - I'm being informed by the judges that B.L.O.O.P.E.R. stretched one of his tentacles over his back and across the finish line less then an inch before Bloopimar crossed! Since the rules state the winner is the first Blooper to have any part of their body cross the finish line, that means B.L.O.O.P.E.R. is our winner! B.L.O.O.P.E.R takes it ladies and gentlemen, he’ll be moving on to the championship round! The final results of this race are:

B.L.O.O.P.E.R. in first place.

Bloopimar finishes second.

Rocket Blooper finishes third.

Bloof finishes fourth with a DNF.

And finally Vampire-Blooper finished 5th with a DNF.

Ricco Harbor Race - Results
	B.L.O.O.P.E.R. Mario4Ever (talk)	1st
	Bloopimar HedgehogGaming	2nd
	Rocket Blooper OhoJeeOnFire (talk)	3rd
	Bloof Ray Trace (talk)	4th
	Vampire-Blooper winstein (talk)	5th

In all of my years of covering this sport, this was one of the most exciting races I have seen. Each of these competitors put it all on the line. I would like to remind you that this is only the first of four qualifying matches, with a championship round airing later tonight. For the last time, this has been Shoic Andergoom, proudly bringing you the 2022 Blooper Racing Grand Championship, brought to you by The 'Shroom.

Bianco Hills Circuit

Map by LadySophie

It is a beaaaautiful day here in sunny Bianco Hills, folks. I'm your announcer for the Bianco Hills Circuit, Hoodward Pitell, and, let me tell you folks, from where I'm sitting here in front of the mysterious Hillside Cave, it is absolutely gorgeous. You could not wish for a better day if the Star Spirits themselves came to you in the night. These powerful breezes turning the town's famous windmills and blowing lilypads across the great Bianco Lake might just be a blessing from the Star Spirits, as a matter of fact, to complement that blazing sun provided by the island's Shine Sprites.

The weather is far from the only treat we have lined up for you today, folks. Today, four Bloopers, the best in Isle Delfino's crop of racing Bloopers this year, are going to compete in the Bianco Circuit, racing a lap around the Big Windmill. They'll start at the shore under the Hillside Cave, head north, loop around the Big Windmill, navigate between the Big Windmill and the island in the northwest section of the lake, cross under the bridge, and come back to the starting line. These Bloopers may have the calmness of the lake on their side, but they'll have to work to to rocket ahead of the pack with these turns and the lake's lily pads! We have trained Lakitu camera operators covering every leg of the race, so don't worry about missing any of the action, folks! What you can't see live today, you'll be able to read about in The 'Shroom, New Wikisburg's premier newspaper and sponsor of today's event. They told me I could write my own line here, folks, so let's give it a try. The 'Shroom, if you aren't reading it, what are you even doing?

And I'm seeing that the Bloopers are arriving at the starting line. The first to arrive is number 29, Blooper Dasher. Fresh off a victory at Pinna Park, Blooper Dash is primed to lead the pack here, and is the odds-on favorite today. Decorated with a Dash Pepper symbol, Blooper Dasher, I am told, is a big fan of Dash Yoshis. Isn't that sweet? I hope he was able to see a few Yoshis down at the park. Now, folks, don't forget that you can show your support for Blooper Dasher by picking up your very own Dash Pepper from Coconut Fruit's stand by the town gate.

Coming just behind Blooper Dasher is number ninety-five, and would you look at him, folks. Ka-chow! Lightning McBloop may be this season's most adored rookie. He's been rocketing his way to victory in race after race, looking for support from Nessieco. He's normally impossible to miss, but he's met his match today - his color match, that is! There's a little humor for you, folks. Keep a close eye on Lightning and Blooper Dasher, or you might not just confuse them, you might miss them entirely when they zoom around the lake.

And now comes number five-hundred the always-surprising Bloppy. Traditionalists questioned Doctor Hudson's approach this season, arguing that a tailed Blooper could never keep up with its more streamlined competitors. Every race with Bloppy has been an upset in more ways than one. Who could forget the Ricco Harbor Sewer Invitational, where Bloppy annihilated a wall after emitting a bright green glow and took a shortcut that let him leapfrog three competitors. I tell you, folks, you should never count Bloppy out. You never know what he's going to do next!

Behind Bloppy, we have number twenty, Blooper Arrow. This is star-power like you wouldn't believe, folks! Blooper Arrow and his Blurp sidekick are here from the F-Seafloor Circuit, and have brought a completely different approach to racing to fair Isle Delfino. They've torn up track after track, but I have a bad feeling about today, folks. Call it a hunch, but, with Blooper Arrow new to smaller, tighter courses, I'm not expecting a strong performance today. Neither are you, folks, if these numbers coming in from Hotel Delfino's casino are telling me right.

Well, those are our racers folks! Three speedsters and the ever-unpredictable Bloppy. We're seconds away from starting now. They're raising the signal, and in ten, nine, eight... Hold on folks. It appears... Could it be? Am I seeing what I think I'm seeing? Well, I apologize folks. Apparently I have missed a racer! Lining up late, we have number seven, Blooper! Now, I'm not sure if it's just me, but I can't tell if this Blooper is a real competitor or not. It appears Blooper is... bobbing up and down aimlessly? Are we? We're sure, then? Well, alright. You're hearing it hear now, folks. Blooper is an official racer. I guess we have five racers here today!

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With all the racers at the starting line, it's time to begin. Get yourselves ready, folks. They're raising the signal again. Final checks of the course are underway. We are under blue skies and clear of Pondskaters. Three... two... one...! And they're off! Oh, just look at them go, folks! Out of the gate, Lightning McBloop and Blooper Dasher rocket forward, right beside one another. Blooper Dasher takes the inside, pushing Lightning McBloop to the outside and gaining about a tentacle tip's length on the rookie, but, what's this? Shooting up the middle, it's Blooper Arrow! Can he make the pass? I tell you, folks, this one seems impossible to me. The F-Seafloor Circuit is a rough and tumble world where interference is tolerate and knocking your opponents out of the race is fair game, but if Blooper Arrow causes a crash here, he won't be seeing any prizes, only an instant disqualification! He's now one Blooper length behind the two red Bloopers, still on the straightaway, and he's making a hard charge. A few lengths back, Bloppy paddles as hard as he can, but the tailed Blooper seems to be having some trouble building up speed. Another two lengths behind, in dead last, there's Blooper, bobbing up and down erratically instead of focusing on a forward charge. Is this Blooper packing a secret strategy?

Hold on, folks, hold on! It appears that Blooper Arrow's sidekick is... yes, yes, the Blurp is clearing the way! The Blurp comes up between Lightning McBloop and and Blooper Dasher, forcing them apart and clearing a path for Blooper Arrow, who is somehow channeling another burst of speed! Blooper Arrow takes the lead! The maneuvering has slowed the duo in red, and Bloppy takes advantage of the situation, narrowing the gap! Blooper remains far behind the rest of the pack. Don't expect a comeback with all this zig-zagging, folks!

We're coming up on the first bend, and, unbelievably, Blooper Arrow isn't slowing down at all! He's using the full width of the turn around the Big Windmill, and it looks like Blooper Dasher and Lightning McBloop just can't keep up. Lightning McBloop takes the chance to make a move to the inside, dropping back a quarter of a length but taking a tighter turn. Here it seems Bloppy is finding his footing, folks. Look at that tailed Blooper take the bend like a champ! Blooper enters the first bend while as Blooper Arrow rounds the bend, furthering his lead by another two Blooper lengths, while Lightning McBloop races ahead on the inside to pull away from the middle of the pack, leaving Blooper Dasher and Bloppy trading third, a length behind.

Blooper Arrow is leading us into the end of the bend. Now here's where things get interesting, folks. The Bloopers are entering the tightest part of the course, where they'll have to thread the needle between the Big Windmill and the lake's island. Do they take it fast and risk not making the turn, or do they slow down and potentially lose the lead? We're about to see, folks! Blooper Arrow is... going into it full speed! And he's making it... making it... makiiiiiiiing it- NO! NO HE IS NOT! He's not taking it tight enough! He's headed straight for the island! Are we about to see a Blooper crash on the Bianco Circuit!? He's... going around! I cannot believe it! Blooper Arrow is taking the long route around the island! That may be better than crashing out and landing a DQ, but he's going to lose some significant time here, folks.

Lightning McBloop is coming into the end of the bend now, and he appears to be turning sideways! What is going on, folks? Will all of our racers stumble here? Blooper Dasher puts on the gas, leaving Bloppy behind and narrowing the gap with McBloop. Can he overtake McBloop here? It sure appears so, folks! Blooper Dasher is your new frontswimmer! Wait! Hold on again, folks! McBloop is pulling ahead of Dasher! What's he doing? Why, he appears to be drifting around the turn! Is this why he was turning sideways? Inertia carries McBloop back to the front of the pack, Dasher furiously kicking up sand and water as he tries to keep pace. Bloppy narrows the gap, only a half a length behind Dasher now, while Blooper enters the end of the bend. Bloppy makes a hard charge to the inside, taking the turn with more grace than the larger red duo, and... coming out of the bend first, it's Bloppy, leading on the second straight.

McBloop follows a half a length behind, with Dasher a quarter length further in third. Unbelievably, still in the end of the bend, Blooper is overtaking Blooper Arrow, who appears to be having some navigational issues and is sticking to the outside wall of the lake. Bloppy leads down the straightaway, McBloop and Dasher jostle for second. Blooper drifts through the lake, bobbing up and down and exiting the bend. If only there were a plumber for him to catch! They're coming up on the second and final bend now. This bend will take them under the bridge leading to the Big Windmill. They'll have to stay below the water's surface, or risk crashing into the lily pads beneath the bridge.

McBloop, straightened up now, dives, losing water to Dasher as Dasher shows off just what he's capable of when fully submerged. Bloppy enters the bend, still maintaining his lead. This may be it folks. This may be your winner! Under the bridge's shadow now, and Bloppy still has not submerged. The lily pads are coming up quick, and Bloppy makes a move. LEAPING OUT of the water and onto a lily pad? What is the plan here, folks?! Bloppy stops on the pad, and Dasher zooms past under the water. Back in the second straightaway, Blooper takes a commanding lead over Blooper Arrow simply by sticking to the course while Blooper Arrow swims alongside the lake's western shore. I do not know who Blooper Arrow's sponsors are, but he's going to be taking some calls in the morning. I guarantee it, folks.

But what's this? McBloop is leaping out of the water, too? Over the lily pads! Over the lily pads! McBloop has jumped over the lily pads, literally leapfrogging the resting Bloppy to take second place and enter the final straightaway, just a length behind Dasher! Here they go, into the final stretch! Dasher by a length! By a half a length! By a quarter of a length! Blooper enters the final bend, slowing down as he nears the lily pads, bobbing up too high to clear them without changing his course. Blooper Arrow makes it to the southwestern shoreline, and Bloppy... Bloppy is half on a lily pad now! And... Bloppy is kicking! Do you hear the roar of the crowd? I sure do, and I know why they're roaring, folks! We've never seen anything like this. Bloppy is riding a lily pad down the final straightaway, kicking with his hind lags to propel his vehicle and using his tail as a rudder! He's closing the gap, and the judges are telling me now this is not illegal!

Just three lengths away from the finish line, Dasher and McBloop are mantle and mantle, with Bloppy on their tail! It's Dasher, McBloop, Bloppy! Dasher, McBloop, Bloppy! Dasher, McBloop, Bloppy! McBloop, Dasher, Bloppy! Dasher might be the faster Blooper here on paper, but it looks like McBloop's techniques have allowed the red racer sporting the yellow nine-and-five to keep up! McBloop, Dasher, Bloppy! One and a quarter length to go, Blooper still in fourth, finally getting past the lily pads, and Blooper Arrow finally coming under the shadow of the bridge. It's McBloop, Dasher, Bloppy, with the lily pad forcing Dasher to the outside now. It's McBloop, Bloppy, Dasher! McBloop, Bloppy, Dasher! McBloop, Bloppy, Dasher! McBloop, Bloppy, Dasher! BLOPPY, MCBLOOP, DASHER! AAAAAAAAAAND THAT'S THE FINISH! BY THE LENGTH OF HIS FRONT FOOT, BLOPPY HAS CRUISED TO VICTORY ON A LILY PAD!

While McBloop crosses the line, with Dasher only an eighth of a length behind, inertia carries the lily pad onto the shoreline under the Hillside Cave, Bloppy hopping off to get showered by confetti and directed towards a feast of fruit chunks. Blooper crosses the line now, and Blooper Arrow is... somewhere around here, but can you blame me for not caring, folks, after that upset? Bloppy has done it again, taking on the rocketing red Bloopers and coming out on top with a huge surprise. Doctor Hudson is going to be one happy man, and I think nobody will count out Bloppy's tricks after this.

Bianco Hills Circuit - Results
	Bloppy Reverse Input (talk)	1st
	Lightning McBloop MightyMario (talk)	2nd
	Blooper Dasher Yoshi the SSM (talk)	3rd
	Blooper Shy Guy on Wheels (talk)	4th
	Blooper Arrow Waluigi Time (talk)	5th

That's the Bianco Hills Circuit complete, another race over here under the shadow of the Big Windmill. Once again, your winner is Bloppy, followed by runner-up Lightning McBloop, Blooper Dasher in third, Blooper in fourth, and Blooper Arrow, who I am noticing is finally crossing the line, coming in fifth. Bloppy will be moving on to the championship race, but we, here, will be moving on to an interview with Doctor Hudson, followed by an interview with a Nessieco representative. I'll be handing the microphone over for this, so, one last time, still blown away by Bloppy's last-minute comeback, I'm Hoodward Pitell, signing off and reminding you to read The 'Shroom and to come join us for our championship race in Delfino Plaza.

Ricco Harbor Circuit

Map by LadySophie

Welcome everyone to the Ricco Harbor Circuit, the only Blooper race where there are absolutely no red coins to collect that cause you to accidentally slam your face against a boat instead. I'm your announcer for today, Waluigi Time of Mushroom Kingdom Smackdown fame, coming to you live from, well, Ricco Harbor! Why are we back here, you may ask? Well, it's as simple as the fact that Ricco paid us extra to host a second race here. Woo, money! Anyway, it's a beautiful day here, perfect for Blooper racing, or being outside and reading The 'Shroom. Hey, pretty clever shill there, huh? We're the ones sponsoring this event after all, why shouldn't I shill? Anyway, we've got a great view of the racetrack from up here on the Ricco helipad - incidentally, has anyone ever actually seen a helicopter here? - and I'm enjoying one of Alfreno Chucks' delicious shelled slushies, so I'm happy. We've got a fun little course for these Bloopers today, starting off at the pier and doing some loops around the support beams for all those platforms up there, then sailing into the open waters for a bit, navigating between those platforms near the outskirts, before finally reaching the finish line at the entrance to the Big Daddy of Blooper-surfing's race course. Seems like a fitting place to cap things off, eh?

And here come our five racers now! Let's give a big hand to them!

Our first contestant is, uh, this abomination, racer #420, Jar Jar Blooper. He's, um, he's something? I have no idea where he comes from, or where he'll go, but hopefully he'll go away. The dossier on him is very brief. Uh, maybe he can distract the other Bloopers with his... face? Or, uh, his eyes can... You know what, I don't want to look at him anymore, I'm moving on. We'll just have to find out on our own.

Our second contestant is, fittingly, racer #2, Bloopuigi! No, Luigi hasn't captured a Blooper to enter the Blooper Race. This Blooper is under the effects of one of Goombuigi's Luigi Candies! Now, whether the candy actually enhances Bloopuigi's performance as a racer is uncertain, but that Poltergust G-00 on his back is certainly an interesting variable. Although I do have to wonder if those candies aren't a bit stale eight months past Halloween...

Next up, we have racer #72, Twin Bloops! Technically, they're actually two racers, but luckily it falls within the boundaries of the Blooper Race because they only share the one body between them, powered by "alleged love"! Hmm, I wonder if that's an efficient fuel source. What kind of mileage do they get on this thing? I'll have to ask after the race. But will the power of alleged love be enough to outspeed the rest of the competition?

Just two more to go! Our next racer is #1, and I mean that in the sense of it being his assigned number, Dan! Don't let his chill demeanor fool you, folks, because Dan's here to do nothing less than take home the grand prize. I hear he's even an avid reader of The 'Shroom. Could he have picked up some racing tips from Strategy Wing? We'll see!

Last, but not least, is racer #15, Blouper! A rare sight indeed, this particular specimen is a member of a newly discovered, incredibly rare species! Its fishy body gives it extra fins to increase its speed, giving it a metaphorical leg up on the competition! Beyond that, its goggles protect it from underwater debris, and although Ricco's waters are crystal clear these days, that may provide extra protection in case any of its competitors try to pull some sneaky tricks.

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Racers to the starting line! Ready... Set... START YOUR ENGINES! What? I happen to know at least one of them probably has an engine. Alright, fine. GO!

And they're off, dashing away from the pier! Twin Bloops accelerates ahead of the other four, getting a small early lead, proving that love conquers all, at least for a couple seconds! The rest of the Bloopers are a bit more clustered together, though it looks like Dan is starting to come out ahead, narrowing Twin Bloops' lead! Jar Jar seems to be getting a slight edge over Blouper, but it's still close! Bloopuigi, however, seems to be lagging behind a bit, falling behind the rest of the competition, that heavy Poltergust G-00 not doing him any favors at the moment.

And we're coming up on the first turn here as the racers approach the end of the docked ship! Twin Bloops and Dan are the first to make it there, but it looks like Dan is actually able to take a tighter turn than Twin Bloops and takes the lead from them! Jar Jar and Blouper aren't too far behind, but Bloopuigi is lagging behind quite a bit! Actually, he appears to have stalled entirely... He's going to have to work hard from here on out if he wants to have any stake in this race! Wait a minute - hold on folks, Bloopuigi has just activated the Burst function on his Poltergust G-00 and rocketed over the ship, skipping the turn entirely! He splashes down in the water just behind Twin Bloops, a quick recovery! If you've lost track with all this flip-flopping going on, our current standings are Dan in first, followed by Twin Bloops, Bloopuigi, Jar Jar, and Blouper in last place. It's still anybody's race!

As the racers continue to, er, race forward in the straightaway here, it looks like Blouper manages to catch a burst of speed, surging ahead of Jar Jar and gaining on Bloopuigi! It's the extra fins kicking in, I'm telling you! Now in last, Jar Jar launches countermeasures, by unleashing his... disturbingly long tongue. I'm uh, not sure what he's trying to do here. Is he trying to, uh, eat the competitors? Is it like, a grappling hook kind of thing, maybe? Well, we're not going to find out just yet, because he doesn't latch onto anything with it and retracts. I'm scared. ANYWAY! We're coming up on our next turn here, with Dan still having a narrow lead. The racers are all pretty closely packed together, and as they make the turn, navigating between the platform supports, Blouper is able to get ahead of Bloopuigi, taking third! Twin Bloops yet again needing to take a wider turn on the outside here, allowing the opportunity for Blouper to work on closing the gap between them too! And at the back, it's pretty neck and neck between Bloopuigi and Jar Jar. We're certainly getting an exciting showing here!

The Bloopers are swimming towards open waters, but they're not out of the clear yet! One wrong move and we could see an unfortunate racer collide with an obstacle. Wouldn't want that! (Who am I kidding, that's the most exciting part...) Things are pretty close at the front, it's still Dan in the lead with Twin Bloops close behind him, and Blouper doing very well also, though it seems that it's not able to narrow the gap with Twin Bloops any further for now. We are seeing some changes in the back though, it looks like Jar Jar has gotten ahead of Bloopuigi by a little bit! It seems to be smooth sailing for everyone though, with no trouble navigating around the rest of the supports. We're now in open water for the time being, and the only danger here is your fellow racer! Speaking of that, Bloopuigi has activated his Poltergust again, but he's not going for a Burst this time, he's sucking Jar Jar back towards him! Well, you know how the old saying goes, if you can't catch up to your opponents, bring your opponents back to you! I don't think anyone's ever said that, actually. Anyway, Jar Jar is now stuck in the Poltergust's nozzle, but not for long, as Bloopuigi launches him backwards! Wow! That's a tremendous loss of distance for Jar Jar and it's debatable if he'll be able to make a comeback this late into the race! Don't you just love some good, clean, old-fashioned racer sabotage?

Our racers continue to surge forward nearing the next set of platforms, with Dan continuing to hold the lead, Twin Bloops close behind and gaining on him, followed by Blouper, Bloopuigi, and finally, in a relatively distant fifth, Jar Jar. Twin Bloops, with the power of alleged love, continues to narrow Dan's lead! Does it all fall apart for Dan in the end?! It's practically neck and neck between the two of them now! Hang on, Bloopuigi seems to be preparing to do something else back there. He... launches a gooey version of himself ahead?! Okay, I'm pretty sure you can't win by sending in a substitute, that's not- ohh! Goobloopuigi, er, Bloopgooigi? Uh, whatever it is, it landed right on Twin Bloops, covering them in goo! They can't see and veer off course, nearly crashing into one of the pillars up ahead but just BARELY missing! That couldn't have been more than one or two inches of clearance, right there! Dan gains a comfortable lead, and both Blouper and Bloopuigi get ahead of Twin Bloops! They submerge, dissolving the goo, but that cost precious time! It's a race to the finish! Dan in first place, Blouper in second, Bloopuigi in third, Twin Bloops in fourth, and Jar Jar in fifth! If Dan can keep his stamina up, I think he's got this! Closer... CLOSER... WAIT A MINUTE! WHAT WAS THAT? I couldn't possibly have just seen that! Oh no! Jar Jar shot his tongue forward and grabbed hold of Dan! He pulled him all the way back to him! He's taking him down with him!!! Folks, I can't possibly see how Dan can make a comeback at this point! Oh, it's a terrible day to be a Dan fan, I'll tell you that! Man! And now it's Blouper sailing to the finish, with Bloopuigi behind him! Bloopuigi prepares one last Burst, can he get ahead of Blouper in time?! HE CAN'T! Blouper crosses the finish line and Bloopuigi launches past him across the finish mere milliseconds later, but it's too late! Blouper is the winner! Twin Bloops come zooming in shortly after, and despite the setback earlier, Dan has at least been able to widen the gap between himself and Jar Jar, and he's the next one to come through.

Ricco Harbor Circuit - Results
	Blouper Mustard Machine (talk)	1st
	Bloopuigi Goombuigi (talk)	2nd
	Twin Bloops TPG (talk)	3rd
	Dan Flygon64 (talk)	4th
	Jar Jar Blooper InsaneBlathers (talk)	5th

So the final standings for the Ricco Harbor Circuit are Blouper in first place, Bloopuigi in second, Twin Bloops in third, Dan in fourth, and finally Jar Jar Blooper in fifth. What a race! Full of drama, excitement, sabotage, and a dashingly handsome announcer, can't forget that last one. Surely that was worth the extra payment Ricco gave us! Don't forget, we have more races coming up, so be sure to tune in for more Blooper racing action! And if you have suggestions for who you want to see in the next Blooper Race- whoops, force of habit. Sorry. This is Waluigi Time, signing off.

Noki Bay Race

Map by LadySophie

AAAAlright! Sticky Warrior has arrived to present the show here in Noki Bay! What? Why are you looking at me that way? Were you expecting someone else? Well, let's just say the guy that was meant to be here had a little problem along the way and couldn't make it. That's just a nice way to put it of course, so uh, please don't mind it. It doesn't matter anyway, because I am fairly confident that I am qualified enough to do so! Now, where did I put my notes...

Noki Bay is a cool place for such a race. It has some cool hazards thanks to the little islands around the bay, and to that massive waterfall that our contestants will have to pass by. It's sunny here with very little breeze around, so the condition are fine enough for the race. Hmm... perhaps that will actually make the race too easy? Hey, is it possible to bring a thunderstorm around to level up the difficulty? No? Bummer.

Oh look! The Bloopers are getting ready at the starting line. How many contestants are we having today? Let me look... Five. Do we have five Bloopers over there? Yep! Cool! Let me take care of the introduction:

In the first line, we have racer #1997, Scott the Woz. Wait, the name is familiar to me. I think I heard of the guy before, but ugh, I can't put my finger on it. Anyway, the Blooper is named Scott the Woz, but apparently isn't the guy in question. Just a Blooper with his face on it. Hmm... I do wonder how this Blooper ended up with this photo on it. I do hope the Blooper was not harmed in the process.

The second contestant for the race is racer #33, Doug, with the very... unsettling smile. Although, I suggest you do not get fooled by his questionable appearance, because his biography is quite awesome. He has a Bachelor's degree in Innovation and Technology, and he do enjoy cool activities such as hiking, gardening, and yoga. I see he does keep himself busy, and I guess the smile demonstrate how he is living an enjoyable life! Or... maybe I am the one getting fooled right now. Who knows at this point?

In third row, we have racer #26, Inkling Blooper! Wait, Inkling!? Hey pal, what's up? According to her biography, she was raised by Pearl... Hang on, is this Pearl from Off the Hook? If so, that is soooo cool! It's been a while since I paid a visit to Inkopolis Square. I should go back there when if I ever get an opportunity. Whoops! I think I am digressing right now... Anyway, looking at my official papers right here, she has the ability to shoot ink just like Inklings and Octolings. Right on! I hope to see some action from her!

Our fourth contestant for today's race is wearing the number #747. It is Alolan Blooper. Oh, so pretty! Let me look at the bio- Oh god, never mind what I said! That thing is more dangerous than it seems! Deceptively from the beautiful look, our Blooper right here has the ability to use poisonous ink that could... eliminate the competition. Security, is our spot right here safe for us? Yes? Oh, cool, in that case, shoot that poisonous ink all you want! It doesn't make a difference to me what happens to the contestants anyway. I do wonder if that ability is coming from the fusion from a Blooper and a Mareanie, as mentioned in the biography. The sea can somehow be full of wonders. Hmm... Actually, I am curious... Can I make my own ink poisonous? More tricks for my sleeves...

The last contestant of the day waiting in the fifth line is racer #37, named... uh… I cannot even figure out whatever is written down here in my dossier, but luckily, we have a readable nickname at least. It is BMW's favorite Blooper. Hang on, did BMW sent a Blooper for the race? Let me che- Oh goodness what is that thing!! Security, please! Is this thing even real? Yes? What the heck! This is creepy! Where did this thing come from? Honestly, I am not sure this is even organic at this point, but okay I guess. Oh no! Why is it looking at me right now? No, please stop staring at me! Well, at least I know where the BMW in its nickname is coming from.

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

Okay, our Bloopers are as ready as they can be here, but before we give the starting signal, I have to give a little overview of the race here in Noki Bay. So, the race here will start in front of the beach area to the northeast as you can see on our map. Our contestants will have to go between the red and purple pillars; then, they have to quickly turn to the right (or left from the map’s perspective) and cross between the islands forming a triangle (take note that we are not responsible if your Blooper mysteriously vanishes in the process). Following that, they must swim around the bigger island near it, then keep going until they get closer to the waterfall, where they must swim behind it to get to the finish line.

Alright folks, are we ready? Yes we are! The Bloopers are waiting… Ready. Set. GOOOOO!

Goodness, what a splash of water we had at the starting line! Look at the speed of those Bloopers! BMW is currently ahead, but it seems Alolan is getting closer... Wait... OOOOOH! Alolan spit out poisonous ink in the face of BMW who currently seems to be slowing down... and going into the wrong direction! Looks like that poisonous ink prevents him from seeing properly! Alright, taking note of that.

Hang on, where's... Wait Doug, no, this is not where you are supposed to go. This is the Boat rental shop. What are you doing! Well, never mind folks. Looks like we know who is not winning the race. For someone with a Bachelor's degree, that clearly wasn't a smart move!

BMW has not moved much from where he was either. The poisonous ink has not been helpful! Currently ahead, we have Alolan, Scott the Woz and Inkling Blooper. Alolan is leading. We are getting closer to crossing the triangle! Will someone pass Alolan? It’s too close to call! Wait, what is Inkling Blooper doing? OOOOOH! She’s doing a Super Jump! A SUPER JUMP FOLKS! Just like an Inkling!! She’s now ahead! Fabulous! That Blooper was well trained! So far, Inkling Blooper is in first place, Alolan in second, and Scott the Woz in third place.

Alolan is trying to get in the lead again, but we are getting closer and closer to the waterfall. Will Alolan make it? Wait, what's happening? HAHAHAHA! Inkling Blooper has shot ink into Alolan's face! Hilarious! Marvelous even! Alolan is now getting a taste of her own medicine. The ink is causing trouble to her vision, and now Scott the Woz is in second place, but Inkling is increasing the gap between the first and second place!

The waterfall is just nearby. Come on Inkling! Make my species proud! WOOOOOOHHHHOOOOO! She did it folks! She did it! Inkling crossed the finish line with Scott the Woz right behind her. Great job in avoiding all the chaos around Scott! In third place, we have Alolan who does not seem to be very happy with the turn of event. Oh well!

Oh look, BMW has crossed the finish line but he was way behind our first three contestants. BMW doesn't look like he is doing well either. Seems like he will need the medics. What kind of stuff is in that poisonous ink? Anyway, not a medal for you this year unfortunately. And... Wait... Where's Doug? He... Oh, is he still speaking to the Tanooki at the Boat rental shop? He is! Was he actually taking part in the race? Well, I guess the fifth place is for you.

Noki Bay Race - Results
	Inkling Blooper ToadetteFan	1st
	Scott the Woz Long John Spaghetti (talk)	2nd
	Alolan Blooper BBQ Turtle (talk)	3rd
	BMW Bazooka Mario (talk)	4th
	Doug Luigi 64DD (talk)	5th

Is it over? Yes? Wait what!? That's it? That was BOOOOOORING! I wanted more action! I want this race to start again and this time make it actually challenging! I want a thunderstorm in the area, the current a nightmare to swim through, and allow me to shoot our contestants while they try to dodge everything. Now, we will get something decent enough. Not great or amazing, but decent.

Actually, never mind. I need to uh... "talk" with Alolan. That poisonous ink she has is... fascinating haha!

Final Round: Delfino Plaza Driftway

Map by LadySophie

Greetings, beautiful 'Shroom spectators! I'm Roserade, coming to you LIVE from Delfino Plaza, where our racers are now preparing for the final race of the championship! Already we've seen four exhilarating matches, and let me tell you folks, with these finalists competing, we're sure to see a stunning finale! I've been overjoyed to share today with all of you, especially with weather as fine as this! I suppose what they say of Isle Delfino is true: warm, blue skies will always welcome you! Even with the sun setting now, it is still a perfect temperature for a Blooper Race.

Before our last showing gets underway, I would like to thank our previous commentators for delivering on the previous matches, and all of our other contributors in the studio and at home who made this event possible. Truly, this was a feat to pull off in-and-of itself, and it couldn’t have been done without your help. And thank you to our viewers as well! After all, without you, who would we be televising for?

Here in Delfino Plaza, special renovations and preparations had to be made to allow easy race access. Thankfully, all of the components seem to be in tip-top shape for our event here this evening. Racers will start in the waters at the edge of the pier, in front of the Great Pianta Statue. Then, they’ll follow the line of the waterway along the edge of the island, including a curve past the boathouse; they’ll turn right and into the boat channel, leading them under the Shine Gate. A special underground passageway has been opened up behind the Shine Gate, and racers will rush through it until they pop out the other end, leaping across the sandy shores and landing in the waters by the lighthouse. This underground area is not equipped with cameras or monitoring equipment, so it’ll be a surprise to even us in the announcer's booth who comes out on top! From there, the race is a simple return to the starting line as racers follow the beach's bend.

And here come those racers now! We've already met these talented Bloopers once today, so I'll keep these introductions brief. In lane one, it's Blooper of the future, B.L.O.O.P.E.R.! He had a remarkable showing this morning, and this evening may be no different! Coming down lane two is Bloppy, Doctor Hudson's shining joy! He has an unorthodox body, but a surefire line to victory! Lane three houses Blouper, a special submission by Phineas J. Shoe! If that one doesn't win, my pay is getting halved again… And lastly, in lane four, it's Inkling Blooper! Her rise to stardom mirrors her mentor, and I imagine this star isn't done shining yet!

• 
• 
• 
• 

They're all marked up in their beginning positions. Let me tell you, folks, I haven’t felt this sense of thrill at a sports game since the last staff Strikers match! The crowd is watching with bated breath as the countdown begins! Three... Two... One! And they're off! All four of them rocket straight out of the starting line! You can absolutely tell from their energy - they aren't going to finish this race without a fierce fight! It's Inkling Blooper with the momentary advantage as they soar down the shoreline, keeping pace remarkably well! B.L.O.O.P.E.R. is just a tentacle behind, and hardly a millimeter away is Bloppy! Blouper is starting to slip behind! Come up little guy, you can do it! Use your... freaky, totally natural fins! Seriously, I told him submitting a Cheep Cheep in a costume was a bad call, but noooo...

The racers are nearing the curve towards the boathouse, and - oh my! Inkling Blooper has shot a squirt of ink straight onto B.L.O.O.P.E.R.'s robotic eye! The stuff should come off easily in the water, but it's enough of an interruption to cause him to veer right! He bumps into the sands! Did nobody at Ink Inc. check for his response protocol to ink? He's thrashing around like mad! Come on, it's in the company name, people!

Inkling Blooper continues her dominating first-place rush, with Bloppy not far behind! Blouper begins to pick up speed, seeming to have finally found its rhythm. All of them pass up B.L.O.O.P.E.R., who locks into fourth place while the ink clears from his eye. He’s fine now, but he's still just sitting there! His gaze is locked on the boathouse, though, does he have something planned?

The first three racers begin to cruise along the boathouse bend, curving so that - oh my goodness! Launching through the sky, it's B.L.O.O.P.E.R.! He's… He's landed in one of the engine-powered boathouse cruisers! Don't tell me he’s going to… Yes, folks, it's entirely true! B.L.O.O.P.E.R. is starting the engine! He's going to drive the boat! I've never seen anything like it, and neither have the race officials! Is this going to be legal?! There's nothing against it in the books! The officials are shrugging! There you have it, folks, B.L.O.O.P.E.R. is driving down the waters, quickly catching up to his competition! He's passed up Blouper, and he's closing in on Bloppy, but they're approaching the narrow boat channel now, and he doesn't have the close turning he needs! Inkling Blooper swoops into the channel, followed by Bloppy! B.L.O.O.P.E.R. just misses the turn, drifting past the entry point, but it's a minor correction and he’s off after them! Blouper keeps trekking in the back, regardless of its poor position! Let's go, little buddy!

Bloppy is still swimming as quick as he can, but he's looking behind him at the approaching B.L.O.O.P.E.R. boat - and is suddenly leaping into the air! He hooks onto the railing of the boat! That's thinking smart, folks! Now he's in no danger of getting knocked out of the water, and has a free ride through the channel! Inkling Blooper is continuing her push ahead, but is it going to be enough to outpace the boat? She's doing well hugging the inner corner of the channel, while the boat nearly bumps into the right side! It's not enough, though - the boat's waves knock her into the wall, and it comes zooming past her! She seems dazed, folks! I'm not sure if she can continue at the moment! Wait - no, there it is! She's propelled herself off the wall to chase after the boat! Blouper is a few seconds behind, swimming forward with all its might!

The boat is approaching the underground tunnelway! Um, wait, do the racers realize that the boat is too large for the entrance? Hold on, B.L.O.O.P.E.R., stop, stop!! It's too late! The ship has crashed straight into the entry arc! The ruckage is bent and sinking! It's going up in flames! What an obstacle this has caused! I can't see a clean shot... Crew members by the entrance are telling me that Bloppy manages to sneak a short hop into the tunnel! B.L.O.O.P.E.R. has cleared some of the debris, and has followed him in! Inkling Blooper is approaching the fiery mess now, can she squeeze through? She can! And here comes Blouper, poor lad, I understand if it'll - no! It's tried to fit through, but it's stuck in between ship parts! Oh folks, what an unfortunate outcome for this young racer! Who knows if it'll - WOW! Blouper has popped out the other side! It fits through! It's made it into the tunnel!

This is the troubling part, folks! We can't see what's happening in that passageway! Nobody has popped out the other side, though! What sort of commotion could be happening in there! I'm watching with enraptured anticipation! They could be coming out any second now!

...

... Any second now!

...

... Should we go check on them-

Oh my Poochy! A racer has finally flung themselves through the air, past the beach and into the water! It's... I can't believe it! I can't believe it!! It's BLOUPER! Somehow it's claimed first place! There's no competition in sight! GO, BLOUPER, GO!

Blouper begins down the shoreline! It looks relatively unscathed from whatever is happening in that passageway, though its head looks a little singed... It doesn't seem to matter though! It's a clear shot down the beach and around the corner to claim victory! You've got this, buddy!! Keep going!! My paycheck is on the line!!

Blouper is really powering through that water now! But wait, back at the exit of the passageway, it's - Bloppy, leaping through the air, while ensnared in a net?! Behind him is B.L.O.O.P.E.R., holding onto the net firmly with its tentacles! The pull backwards isn't enough to keep momentum over the beach's edge! They're both tumbling into the sand! Blouper continues to extend its lead! Now here's Inkling Blooper! She seems to have taken a beating, but with nothing to hold her back, she easily clears the sand and lands in the water by the lighthouse! She's swiftly moving through the waves, and seems to be picking up speed! She must be putting her entire body into this final push! Can she catch Blouper?! Blouper is still firmly in front and getting closer to the finish by the second!

Back on the sand, B.L.O.O.P.E.R. is pulling himself upright! He's hoisting up the net-trapped Bloppy! What's he doing now?! Folks, he's rotating his body, spinning his tentacles around quickly, and now he's launched the net clean through the air! It's arching straight towards Inkling Blooper! Oh my lord! The net with Bloppy inside has crashed straight into Inkling Blooper! They're both entangled in the snares! Inkling Blooper is sinking from being stunned with the force of the impact! I doubt there's any hope of recovery for them now!

B.L.O.O.P.E.R. has finally rolled himself into the water, and he's swimming as fast as he can, but he's practically too late! Blouper has rounded the final bend, and it's approaching the finish line! It's going to win the race!! It's unbelievable, folks! It's incredible! It's miraculous! It's... It's...

It's... Oh dear.

The singed part at the top of its... "head", has apparently been reduced to ash, folks, and that ash has come apart. It's clear now that this Blouper's Bloopertine shape was nothing more than a fabric costume, which has fallen down and tangled around the Cheep Cheep's body! Who... could have seen this coming! What a twist! I can hear the gasps from the audience, and... the frenzied screams of a certain Phineas J. Shoe. Well, there goes my allowance.

"Blouper" is stuck flailing around in its costume, which is just the opportunity B.L.O.O.P.E.R. needed! He's practically rocketing down the ocean tides now, exerting all of his power to close out the race! Here he comes down the shore, and around the bend, and just like that, folks, B.L.O.O.P.E.R. zips across the finish line! He's done it!! He's won the Blooper Race!

The waves he generated are just enough to push the struggling "Blouper" across the finish line, and the judges are declaring that it's come in second place! I imagine its status as a contender will be investigated soon after our event closes, however. Meanwhile, Bloppy and Inkling Blooper are just now resurfacing, and it appears as though Bloppy is still trapped in the net, stuck wrapped around one of Inkling Blooper's back tentacles! She's slowly making her way towards the finish line, folks, and I imagine it'll settle her into a clear third place, with Bloppy straggling behind for fourth.

Delfino Plaza Driftway - Results
	B.L.O.O.P.E.R. Mario4Ever (talk)	1st
	Blouper Mustard Machine (talk)	2nd
	Inkling Blooper ToadetteFan	3rd
	Bloppy Reverse Input (talk)	4th

What an astounding showing, folks, easily the wildest Blooper race I've ever attended! And that's saying something! We'll take to a brief commercial break, and in the meantime, I'll be heading to the Square to present our champion with his prize! See you then!

...

We're back! I'm Roserade, LIVE from Delfino Plaza, where B.L.O.O.P.E.R. has just won The 'Shroom's Blooper Race event! I have the champion racer right here beside me, and - okay buddy, you don't need to get that close, haha! You're still soaked! In honor of your victory today, The 'Shroom is thrilled to present you with a special Blooper-faced Shine Sprite! Minted here on the island, it'll be the perfect trophy to commemorate the occasion. Congratulations!

In addition, you and your trainer have won a week-long vacation to the Lilypad Ride! Take a while, relax on the lazy river, soak up those rays, and... relax on the lazy river more! This is certainly not the only vacation location we could afford for you! Airfare and overnight costs are included.

There B.L.O.O.P.E.R. goes, celebrating away! Wow, I didn't realize he had a fireworks function! Look at those colors! Well, folks, that's all from us reporters on the scene. Tonight, The 'Shroom will continue to televise follow-up content for you, including further interviews with racers and their sponsors, and informational segments organized by the Isle Delfino Blooper Racing Board. For now, though, this is when I sign off. Goodnight, and as always, thank you for tuning in.

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