The 'Shroom:Issue 207/Fake News
Director's Notes
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk)
Hello there Fake News readers! The Awards are here!! Make sure to vote and maybe even sign up to do some presentations! It's exciting enough to distract me from not having The Thousand-Year Door yet!
This month, I've written a guest edition of News Flush, and we have some neat things going on with a few of our usual sections! ClawgripFan9001, writer of Cooking Guide, and Boo1268, writer of The Spectral Lens, have collaborated on a crossover of sorts this month and helped to write each other's sections! Be sure to check out both of those, not that I'm sure why you wouldn't anyway! Also, Shoey (talk) and Hooded Pitohui (talk) are taking Mushroom Tribune to Sarasaland this month, so it's fittingly been renamed Sarasaland Report. Aside from that, we have the continuing adventures of Pyro and Kroop in The Sorcery Show, another set of programs you won't want to miss in TV Tomorrow, a questionable hotel showcased in The Sunshine Travel Guide, and very sound advice from yours truly in Dear Waluigi Time! It's all here in Fake News 207!
Next month will be our Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door summer special! If you want to get in on the fun with a themed guest section, now's your chance! Maybe you'd like to write a News Flush taking place in the locations featured in that game, or perhaps a Shop Scout to put a humorous spin on the many items you can use, or something entirely different! If ancient gateways and Crystal Stars aren't your personal idea of peak Paper Mario though, don't worry, because we'll be happy to take sections based on any game in the series for this issue! Actually, I'll be honest, we'll be happy to take sections even if they don't fit the theme at all, I just love getting to see what all you creative people come up with and being able to showcase your works! Whatever you feel like writing, you can either visit the sign up page to get started on sending an application to Meta Knight, or send your submission to me privately if you'd prefer a one-off section. I hope to see something from you soon!
Section of the Month
Hm, these top three look a little familiar... Taking first place once again is The Sunshine Travel Guide by TheBlueCatMenace! So what if Cosmo got fired, Bar D. Jokue's guide to Delfino Plaza was still more than good enough for our readers, apparently. In second place, we have TV Tomorrow by Quizmelon (talk), even though voting wasn't mentioned as part of the brand new TV Tomorrow Loyalty Scheme at all! Guess you guys really like that section, huh? Finally, our newest section, The Spectral Lens by Boo1268, took third place with the Phancy Phantom visiting Goombella's archaeological team at Thwomp Ruins! Thanks to everyone who voted, and be sure to continue supporting these great writers through SOTM and Poochy's Picks!
| FAKE NEWS SECTION OF THE MONTH | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Place | Section | Votes | % | Writer |
| 1st | The Sunshine Travel Guide | 21 | 38.18% | TheBlueCatMenace |
| 2nd | TV Tomorrow | 14 | 25.45% | Quizmelon (talk) |
| 3rd | The Spectral Lens | 7 | 12.73% | Boo1268 |
Hello once again my wonderful loyal readers! I am in high spirits this month, because my recent efforts to incentivise readership appear to actually be… working? You'd think this bit would have a tripartite comedic structure with three failed attempts at readership incentives, but nope, turns out second time's the charm. Indeed, the TV Tomorrow Readership Loyalty Scheme is such a hit, the publishers say they'll give me a contract to go on doing this not only till the 100th TV Tomorrow in September, but way beyond that - keeping on reviewing my fictional television and tangling my lore up in knots for years and years, centuries and centuries, maybe even forever into the vast gaping expanse of eternity. Which is, I mean, wow. That's a long time. That's a really long time, actually. An eternal contract. Wow. Yeah. Huh… Anyway, to set us off I suppose on this journey into forever, here's another top three shows from the constant future that is tomorrow!
New: The Private Carriage
MKBC2, 10pm
Genre: Queer period romance miniseries
The MKBC network's flagship offering for Pride Month, this exquisite and touching drama is set in the 1930s (or the Mushroom Kingdom equivalent). On a long-distance sleeper train express, an unexpected romance blossoms between dapper military man Captain Toad and a quiet Shy Guy railway guard, two people of very different backgrounds united by their love. But in a time where homosexuality was condemned, their passion is constrained behind the walls of a private carriage on the train, and the forced secrecy soon begins to cause tension and tragedy between them. A moving and often heart-wrenching portrait of the queer struggle for identity and love in a more forbidding age.
Mushroom Kingdom Mystics: Can They Really Be Magic?
MKBC1, 7.30pm
Genre: Documentary
Kooper is one of the Mushroom Kingdom's best documentarians, known for his work exploring the strange and unusual people and subcultures of the world, always handling his subjects with a healthy balance of scepticism and yet also sensitivity. In this new three-part series, perhaps his best yet, Kooper turns his eye to those who claim mystical powers and magical abilities, wondering if there is any legitimacy to their claims and examining the culture around them. This first episode sees him travel to the outposts of the Dry Dry Desert to meet Merlee, a fortune teller and spellcaster from a family of shamans, who claims she has the power to predict and change the future.
Go Go Spiker Beach!
MKBC Kids, 5pm
Genre: Teen sitcom
One of those kid coms that gets called a 'teen sitcom' even though nobody over the age of twelve really watches them and nobody under the age of nineteen really appears in them, Go Go Spiker Beach! centres around a wacky group of young people living around the titular shores, who form a beach volleyball team and compete in volleyball tournaments while navigating their teen lives and an endless series of sitcom shenanigans. To be fair, Go Go Spiker Beach! deserves a good deal more credit than the rest, with its lively energy, colourful and genuinely likable characters, some really well-written jokes, and the ability to handle sensitive topics with grace - tomorrow's episode, which sees usual star Yoshi become the target of bullying after bungling a game, explores the issue of bullying with genuine nuance and with enough absurdity to prevent it from becoming ham-handed. One of the highlights of MKBC Kids.
That's it from me this June! Can't believe it's now been eight years since my very first one of these back in June 2016. A long time, you know. It was pointed out to me recently that Obama was still president of the US when I did the first of these, which is ridiculous. Time goes by so fast, I feel very old. And yet of course, if this eternal contract is anything to go by, I've got many more years of television to watch in tomorrows still to come, thousands of them. Much more work still to do! These eight years will be just a blink in the eye of the bleak vortex that is neverending spacetime. Fun. I sure hope you can all stay loyal for that long! Haha, whatever. I'll see you next month for yet another TV Tomorrow!
Dear Waluigi Time
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk)
Questions submitted by: Kitapio T., SONIC123CDMANIA+&K(B&ATSA), and Flygon64
Dear Waluigi Time, I've been cold as ice blocks for a long while now, but the local tech shop's heaters are far too expensive! A whirlwind's coming soon and I don't think I can bear it! How can I stay warm on a budget? Thanks a bill, -Kitapio
You should probably move to a warmer climate! You could be melting right now instead of freezing to death. Pick your poison, as they say. If you can't afford a heater, moving's probably out of reach, though... Just keep it in mind for later, maybe.
Here's an idea that will help your temperature and your bank account at the same time! Try getting a roommate! There's lots of species that can double as free heating while also contributing to the rent. How do you feel about sharing your space with a Lava Bubble or maybe a Fryguy? I don't think they set things on fire just by being around... Maybe you should keep flammable things away just in case? (Here's a bonus tip: Flammable and inflammable are the same! Who thought that was a good idea?!) Hopefully you don't live in a wooden house... A Fire Piranha Plant might be a good alternative if you don't want a roommate that's always on fire, or maybe a Magikoopa! Some of them have to know fire spells, right?
If you don't want to play with fire (literally), then the answer is hot sauce! Lots and lots of hot sauce! Add it to everything! Drink it plain if you want, I won't judge! You'll forget about the cold real quick, I promise you. You might not have functioning taste buds in a few months, but we can't just have everything in life, sacrifices have to be made somewhere!
Stay toasty!
Dear Waluigi Time,
Your answers are really helping me! I got past 5 floors, but for some reason, what I thought led to the final boss was blocked! Instead there was an elevator to the 6th floor. I thought there was just 5! Must be some sort of after-effect from me entering there. I did get access to a vehicle (a car to be exact, but for some reason it was "from me", despite me never getting a car, it does have unlimited fuel, so no need on getting any), so lapping was much easier! I still need help on how the heck I can defeat Pizzaface! What if he pulls any tricks? Or worse, brings in other villains from other universes or multiverses? I won't know what to do!
SONIC123CDMANIA+&K(B&ATSA)
P.S. Sorry about not sending a pizza, I couldn't find any to send. The closest I could find was your cereal. Weird that your cereal exists in this universe, maybe there's an alternate version of you and me here? I'll have to look.
Well, if I could reasonably prepare you for any possibility in battle, I'd be world-famous and charging you for this consultation instead of giving out free advice in a monthly newspaper column. I will say this, I think Pizzaface is just a pizza, so if you're not too squeamish about eating a sentient food-based creature alive, you know, free lunch!
To make up for my temporal shortcomings, I took your problem to a local fortune teller, and she told me not to make ten backup presentations in direct defiance of committee guidelines this year before I explained the situation. Then it turned out she needed a star sign and I didn't know what yours was, and then she started to get a little cranky... Unfortunately, I was only able to get some general advice from her as a result.
Expect the unexpected. Expect the expected as well, just to be thorough. Prepare for all possibilities, in any number of possible combinations. You may be able to bring this to a peaceful resolution with words. Or your words could just make it worse, so try not to talk too much either. Or it may not matter at all, especially if your opponent is deaf.
...Yes, child, this is the best I can do without a star sign. You expect me to work miracles?
Yeah, sorry about that. I could've just guessed but then I would've had to pay for 12 consultations. Well, hopefully that helps somehow? Otherwise, just speak softly and carry a big stick. Beware of bigger sticks.
P.S. I'm not even a little surprised that there's another me there! Would you believe I met an entire guild made up of different versions of me in another dimension once? If you happen to see me, tell him that himself says hi.
Dear Waluigi Time,
I'm the principal of a prestigious private school. We serve your food products for every meal! It has had a great effect on our students that I'm more than satisfied with. Big big big fan, super duper high school level fan. Anyway, like, I totally need your help. Recently our students have been hanging out, lounging, and discussing topics in their free time at school. They've recently grown very optimistic worldviews despite the dreadful scenario "we're" currently facing. This is quite bad you see, it's distracting them from their current "assignment". What I need is a motive for them to participate in the "assignment" but I just can't think of one.
Hypothetically, say you're trapped in a place and you have to "get rid of" someone and get away with it to get out. The place you're in is fine, it has everything you need to live, but you're completely cut off from the outside world. You're trapped with like I dunno, 14 other people, you think you don't know them, they're all a bunch of annoying eccentric weirdos that are in the same scenario as you. What do you think would really compel someone to "eliminate" someone even if it meant doing what they think is a "horrible" thing?
Just some crazy hypothetical puhuhu.
- Very sincerely, Jin Kirigiri, is that how you spell that guy's name?
Something weird must have happened with this submission, because those seem like two pretty distinct questions mashed together! I'm just going to answer all this at once, so hopefully both of you are reading this.
For the principal: Obviously the problem is that your assignment is boring! I applaud your students for being able to stay optimistic in the face of dreadful things like that. If I were you, I'd just cancel the whole assignment and replace it with something more fun! I can't really help you too much, because you didn't even say what subject this is for. I can't run through a ton of possibilities, I've got a deadline to make! But if you're really set on keeping the current boring assignment, a good motive is handing out special prizes for participation! All sorts of things can be prizes, but the best prize is money! Crack open your wallet and let the students buy their own prizes. Do you realize how many more people would actually like school if everyone did that? (Wait a minute, shouldn't school be out by now? Did I take too long to answer this? Maybe it's for summer school...)
For weird hypothetical person: Your hypothetical has fallen into the trap of bad design! The place is fine, so people don't want to leave, so now you have to motivate them to want to leave? See, what you're doing here is creating problems that didn't exist before and then trying to make solutions to them, when you could just not add the problem in the first place. If the place was terrible, then they would want to leave naturally. You know, uncomfortable seating, annoying music playing constantly, all the snacks you have are terrible and taste like eating a bag of dust, that sort of thing. I'm sure you can come up with plenty of extra ways to be miserable, although to be honest I'm not sure why you're even thinking about this at all!
Got a question you want answered? Stop by the forum thread for this section, or contact me on my talk page! Next month will be our Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door special, so top priority will go to questions involving elements from that game or the Paper Mario series in general.
Written by: ClawgripFan9001 and Boo1268
Ahoy, mateys, an' welcome ta a very special edition o' the Cookin' Guide, 'cause fer the first time in the 'istory o' me writin' this section, I be 'avin' a guest star joinin' me on me culinary adventure! Ye know I be ClawgripFan9001, but who be me guest star fer the day? Well, let's find out an' go meet 'em, shall we?
ClawgripFan9001 proceeded to wander out into the public square of Toad Town where he was going to meet his guest chef. As he stood there, waiting for his guest star, said guest star proceeded to show himself, turning out to be a rather fancy looking Boo wearing a top hat and a monocle.
"Yar, there ye are! Yer Boo1268, me guest star fer t'day's Cookin' Guide section, right?" ClawgripFan9001 asked the bourgeois Boo with a raised eyebrow to make sure he got the right person in front of him.
"Why, hello Mr. Clawgrip! Yes, I am Boo1268, the Phancy Phantom, at your service, and I've been dying to meet you in person myself! You seem like such a nice chap to be around!" Boo1268 enthusiastically greeted ClawgripFan9001.
"Aye, in that case, it be great ta meet ye! So, when ye contacted me the other day, ye asked me if we could pay a visit ta Tayce T. 'ere in Toad Town 'cause ye be writin' a 'Shroom section o' yer own, weren't ye?" ClawgripFan9001 asked Boo1268 once more to make sure he understood where his guest star was going with this.
"Yes, that's true. I was hoping to do a section about the Master for The 'Shroom this month, since he is mysterious in nature and upon investigation, I had found that he was related to Tayce T. of all people. Also, if I may be honest with you, I also had a hankering for some Ghost Cake." Boo1268 explained the matter to his Sidestepper colleague.
"Aye, I did 'ear 'bout 'er bein' related ta the Master. I'm sure that once we're done cookin', ye can ask 'er anythin' related ta bein' related ta the Master. Well, let's go an' pay Tayce T. a visit!" ClawgripFan9001 spoke as he proceeded to take the lead and made his way to Tayce T.'s home with his Boo companion trailing behind him.
Soon, the duo arrived at their destination, with ClawgripFan9001 knocking on the door. "Miss Tayce T.? It be ClawgripFan9001 with 'is guest star who wanted ta meet ye!" the Sidestepper chef called out.
"Okay, come on in, you two!" Tayce T. responded as ClawgripFan9001 pushed open the door and scuttled inside, Boo1268 following suit before closing the door behind the two of them. "Welcome, ClawgripFan! This is your new friend who wanted to meet me for something related to my family history, right?" Tayce T. asked the Sidestepper with a kind smile.
"Aye, this be 'im. I'll let 'im introduce 'imself." ClawgripFan9001 nodded as he looked at Boo1268.
"Ahem, hello, Ms. Tayce T.. My name is Boo1268, the Phancy Phantom, at your service. I was hoping to interview you about your brother, the Master, for The Spectral Lens this month on The 'Shroom, and maybe get a chance to have some Ghost Cake. It's an old family recipe, if it's not too much trouble." the bourgeois Boo explained to Tayce T..
"Oh, I'd be more than happy to help you with both teaching you how to make a Ghost Cake and telling you everything you need to know about my brother, the Master, or Swiff T., as he's known by the family." Tayce T. nodded enthusiastically at both of Boo1268's requests.
"Oh, thank you very much, Ms. T.! I really do appreciate it!" Boo1268 beamed as he handed her the ingredients for the Ghost Cake, which included Ruin Powder, a couple of Cocoa Beans, Cake Mix, Eggs, Moo Moo Milk and a Boo's Sheet.
"Alright. ClawgripFan, do you mind helping me with making this?" Tayce T. asked ClawgripFan9001.
"Aye, if Boo1268 would be so kind as ta 'elp me writin' me notes fer the cookin' instructions, then I'd be 'appy ta 'elp with preparin' the cake." ClawgripFan9001 nodded as he handed Boo1268 his notepad and pencil and scuttled over to the kitchen counter to help Tayce T. with making the Ghost Cake.
"Alright, then I'm ready when you two are." Boo1268 chimed as he was ready to start the cooking aspect of the visit.
"Okay, first thing's first. Take a big bowl, and put the entire Cake Mix inside. Then break the Eggs and put the yolks inside the bowl. Pour all of the Moo Moo Milk inside, then add in the Cocoa Beans. Once that's all done, mix all of it into chocolate cake batter. Once the batter is ready, take out a cake tin and place the batter inside. Place it inside an oven and turn it up to ninety-eight degrees Celsius or two-hundred-and-ten degrees Fahrenheit. Let the cake heat up for about fifteen minutes, and then we should be ready to move on to the next step of the cooking instructions." Tayce T. explained as ClawgripFan9001 helped her carry out each of these steps while Boo1268 wrote all of that down before handing the Sidestepper his notepad and pencil back.
"Yar, thanks, lad. Well, I s'pose that while we're waitin' fer that cake ta 'eat up, this would be an opportune time fer Boo1268 ta start 'is questionnaire fer The Spectral Lens, don't it?" ClawgripFan9001 suggested.
"Ah, yes, the interview! I almost forgot!" Boo1268 exclaimed as he pulled out his own notepad and pencil. "Now, what can you tell me about the Master, or Swiff T.?" he proceeded to ask Tayce T..
Tayce T. then proceeded to explain the history of her brother, the Master to Boo1268, who proceeded to pen the words down into his notepad. Meanwhile, ClawgripFan9001 listened to Tayce T. sharing her brother's history with full interest.
"My, what fascinating history you two have, this will make for a great story for The 'Shroom! Thank you very much!" Boo1268 told Tayce T. with gratitude as he finished writing down everything the Toad chef told him.
"You're always welcome, dear! Glad I was able to help you with your research for your section!" Tayce T. beamed at the fancy looking Boo.
"Aye, that definitely was an educational experience, I say!" ClawgripFan9001 grinned and nodded in agreement. After that, the oven proceeded to make a pinging sound. "Yar, sounds like the Ghost Cake be ready fer the next step o' the cookin' instructions!" the Sidestepper exclaimed.
"Yes, let me grab the cake out of the oven real quick!" Tayce T. chimed in as she took the cake out of the oven and put it down on the counter. "Alright, next thing's next. Take the Ruin Powder and proceed to sprinkle it over the cake. Finally, apply the Boo's Sheet over the cake so that it will transform into the spectral-like texture needed for spirits to consume the cake, and you should be good to go!" Tayce T. smiled as she concluded the cooking instructions.
"Aye, that be a wrap then! All that's left fer us ta do now is 'ave our ghostly friend taste our newly created dish, am I right?" ClawgripFan9001 grinned as he finished writing the cooking instructions.
"Ah, yes! Finally! I have been waiting for this moment!" Boo1268 exclaimed happily as he proceeded to eat a piece of the Ghost Cake, humming happily as he did so before finishing eating. "My word, this cake is to die for! This has to be the best Ghost Cake I've ever tasted. Thank you, Ms. T., for the wonderful history and cooking experience. I really enjoyed it!" the bourgeois Boo happily told Tayce T..
"The pleasure was mine, dear! I look forward to reading both the Cooking Guide and The Spectral Lens once the next issue of The 'Shroom arrives on my doormat!" Tayce T. told Boo1268 with an enthusiastic smile.
"Of course, now, before I gobble down the rest of this cake, would you two like some?" Boo1268 asked as he offered both ClawgripFan9001 and Tayce T. a slice of the Ghost Cake.
Yar, so this be everythin' ye need fer creatin' a Ghost Cake!
Ingredients
- Ruin Powder
- Cocoa Beans
- Cake Mix
- Eggs
- Moo Moo Milk
- A Boo's Sheet
Appliances
- A big bowl
- A batter beater
- A cake tin
- An oven
- A cake knife
Instructions
- Put the entire Cake Mix inside the big bowl.
- Break the Eggs an' put the yolks inside the bowl.
- Pour all o' the Moo Moo Milk inside the bowl an' then add the Cocoa Beans.
- Use the batter beater ta mix everythin' into chocolate cake batter.
- Once the batter be ready, take out the cake tin an' place the batter inside.
- Place the cake tin inside the oven, turn it up ta ninety-eight degrees Celsius or two-hundred-an'-ten degrees Fahrenheit, an' let the cake 'eat up fer 'bout fifteen minutes.
- Remove the cake from the oven an' sprinkle the Ruin Powder o'er the cake.
- Apply the Boo's Sheet o'er the cake ta get the spectral texture needed fer spectral beings ta consume the cake.
Yar, an' there ye 'ave it! We learned 'ow ta make a Ghost Cake, an' we also learned a fair bit o' Mushroom Kingdom 'istory while we were at it!! Special thanks ta Boo1268 fer joinin' me on t'day's Cookin' Guide, an' thanks ta ye faithful readers fer takin' a look at this! I be ClawgripFan9001, an' this 'as been Cookin' Guide fer June!
The Spectral Lens
Written by: Boo1268 and ClawgripFan9001
The Mystery of The Master
Hello readers of all walks of life. Welcome to The Spectral Lens, and first off, I would like to say it is very nice to see all the kind feedback this 'Shroom section has been getting. I know you enjoy reading them as I like writing them. I was originally going to go on a flight to some place special for this month's section, but of course my Sunshine Airport flight was delayed by 3 weeks, so while I waited, I figured now would be the best time to dine on my favorite family dish, Ghost Cake!
But since I'm not a very good baker, I figured I could use some help with making the cake, and so I asked ClawgripFan9001 to help make it. But now you might be wondering, what does cake have to do with a martial arts master? Well, EVERYTHING!
You see, in the Mushroom Kingdom there has always been one individual that I've never known this history of, and that was the Master. He's always been so mysterious in nature, and so I figured while I had some time on my hands before my trip, I might as well check this mystery off my bucket list, but as I researched about the Master I soon found out that the Master and Tayce T. were RELATED! Shocking, I know! So i figured with Clawgrip's help, I could get a pastry and some history out of the whole ordeal, so that's exactly what I did. You can read all about it in the Cooking Guide.
So now, here's what I learned from my own research. I first started with interviewing Tayce T.. During our cooking section, I asked her about her history with her brother, the Master.
Q: What can you tell me about the Master or Swiff T.?
Let’s see, what is there to say about Swiff T.? Well, a long time ago, when the two of us were young toadstools, Swiff T. had become disillusioned with the way the Toads were unable to stand up to the much stronger Koopa Kingdom, so he set out to become the strongest Toad of them all so he could try to protect the Mushroom Kingdom in times of despair. When he was around sixteen years old, he left home to travel to the Land of the Angry Sun to study martial arts with Master Mantis, a formidable, albeit unorthodox martial arts instructor who taught my brother everything he needed to know about martial arts. Swiff T. completed his training by the age of twenty-one, after which he returned home so he could defend the Mushroom Kingdom from any danger that threatened to harm it.
He then enlisted in the Mushroom Kingdom’s military where he fought in many of the Mushroom Kingdom’s campaigns against the Koopa Kingdom, quickly becoming a feared individual to those living in the Koopa Kingdom. Swiff T. continued to serve the Mushroom Kingdom’s military until the age of forty, when he was forced to retire from military service. After that, Swiff T. proceeded to found the Toad Town Dojo, where he began teaching the younger citizens of the Mushroom Kingdom all of the skills he had learned from Master Mantis all those years ago. On occasion, he would leave Toad Town to travel the Mushroom World so he could teach people in other corners of the world martial arts. By the time of the Star Haven incident, Swiff T. was about fifty-seven years of age, and he had taken up two students by the names of Chan and Lee, respectively.
Nowadays, Swiff T. spends his golden years here in Toad Town, close to me and the rest of the family while training his head student, Little T., to take over the Toad Town Dojo once my brother cannot run the Dojo himself anymore.
This interview had provided me with a large amount of insight into who the Master was, and I soon found myself obsessed. I needed to learn MORE, so I figured who would be better to tell me about the Master than THE MASTER HIMSELF. So I found myself scheduling an interview with the Master to tell me his story beforehand. I had told him all about what Tayce T. had told me and then afterwards the interview began.
Q1: How much of what your sister has told me is true and how much is just her exaggerating your skills?
Most if it is true. You see, my passion for fighting and training others to fight did not come out of nowhere. You see, many years ago i found myself being attacked by a gang of Koopa Troopas until a brave Goomba warrior and his colleagues saved me. I saw first hand his fighting skills, and he inspired me to train others in the ways of self combat, and alongside that, protect others from harm.
Soon after that, I left home and went in search of a famous martial arts master by the name of Master Mantis who was said to be in the Land of the Angry Sun, but the journey was long and hard. Then, as I was traveling through the desert, I soon got lost and passed out. When I awoke, I had found myself in the home of Master Mantis himself! For he had found me in the desert and watched over me until I awoke. Soon after, my training began.
Q2: What was your experience traveling like? And did you meet some interesting characters?
Like I said, the journey was long and hard, but I always sent a postcard home when I could. As for interesting characters, there was only one that comes to mind, a sparring partner of mine who was also trained by Master Mantis. I don't fully remember his name, but I do know nowadays he runs his own dojo in a place called Monstro Town. I may have visited there once on my journey back home. But now I spend my time here in Toad Town training Little T. every day so that one day he can take over the dojo and continue my legacy.
Q3: What inspired you to learn martial arts?
My main inspiration for learning martial arts is the drive to do something great. Thanks to the kind Goomba and his wife, I was able to find my drive to help others who could not help themselves, and after I found what inspired me, I held onto that drive and didn't let anything stand in my way of achieving my goal, no matter how hard it got, and I hope to teach others to hold onto your dreams and that through hard work and patience, you can achieve anything you set your mind to.
And so soon after this question had ended I had found myself not only full of wisdom, but also full of cake! So remember, dear reader, if you have a dream you wish to achieve or a passion for something, take hold of it and work hard to fulfill it, and always remember, never lose the drive to do what you love, whatever that may be. And so with that, our story ends. Thank you all for reading, and with that I say: Merci, au revoir.
Sarasaland Social
Written by: Shoey (talk) and Hooded Pitohui (talk)
This article sourced from the Sarasaland Social, Sarasaland's largest independent newspaper.
Bombshell Koopa Population Drop Sparks Debate
A report last month from the Sarasaland Wildlife Association has confirmed what experts have long feared. The Bombshell Koopa population has dropped dramatically over the last ten years. The Bombshell Koopa has long been considered emblematic of Sarasaland's unique wildlife. Thought to be evolved from the more common Koopa Kingdom Koopa Troopa, the Bombshell Koopa took a dramatically different path in its evolution. Unlike Koopa Kingdom Koopa Troopas, who evolved to have harder shells that they could spin around in and/or wings that they could use to fly away, the Bombshell Koopa evolved the ability to literally explode in order to ward off predators and protect its young. When faced with a threat, the Bombshell Koopa will explode, taking out both itself and its predator. Bombshell Koopas are known to do this whenever there is any sign of threat, with some colonies appearing to have designated members of the colony whose job it is to sacrifice themselves for the good of the wider colony.
Despite this suicide approach to defense, the Bombshell Koopa has thrived, and few predators are willing to risk causing a Bombshell Koopa to explode. For generations, Bombshell Koopas were among the most ubiquitous species in Sarasaland, being found throughout all four constituent kingdoms, but a disturbing report from the Sarasaland Wildlife Association has confirmed that the population has declined nearly 20% over the course of 15 years. More specifically, they point out that the population has seen a steady decline since Mario's rescue of our sovereign Princess Daisy from the clutches of the evil invader Tatanga.
Until that rescue, it was noted, Sarasaland was still a mostly isolated polity with relatively few ties to lands outside its four constituent kingdoms. However, since being documented by Mario as a strange and mysterious land, Sarasaland has seen a dramatic increase in tourism and foreign investment, with the economies of each constituent kingdom growing and the kingdoms increasingly developing what was once natural habitat into urbanized spaces. The report notes that, despite Princess Daisy's attempts to increase protections of local wildlife, the Bombshell Koopa, with its primary defense method of suicide bombings, has proven to be a very difficult species to protect. Since they aggressively explode when their habitat is disturbed, developers have taken to attempting to run off Bombshell Koopa colonies preemptively in order to avoid the chances of a Bombshell Koopa exploding and either injuring works or destroying property, the report notes. This controversial practice has been condemned by many wildlife workers, with organizations such as the Easton Kingdom Ecological Protection Agency saying it needlessly threatens the stability of the Bombshell Koopa population. Others have defended the practice, with the Muda Kingdom Department of Prosperity and Development arguing that this is only way to prevent Bombshell Koopas from needlessly destroying themselves while causing injuries to workers and causing economic damage. For accuracy in reporting purposes, we at the Sarasaland Social must report that the Sarasaland Wildlife Association takes no official stance on the practice in their report.
The report stresses that, while we must take steps to protect the Bombshell Koopa population, there is not a consensus as to what approach should be prioritized. It's noted that some members of the committee behind the report think that we should be investing in purchasing land to create nature preserves that could be used to protect the Bombshell Koopa population as well as other potentially-threatened species, with the report specifically mentioning the successful protection of the similar exploding Noko Bombette species which has been successfully introduced to the Tree Land nature preserve in Mario Land. Others say a more aggressive approach of decreasing development permits and blocking off the increased development of the kingdoms should be pursued, arguing that, as long as development is allowed to continued unencumbered, even specifically-designated nature preserves won't be safe from encroaching developers or pollution brought about by expanded development.
For their opinions on this matter, we turn to President of the Environmental Studies Department at the Birabuto University of Agriculture, Hooded Pitohui, as well as the Vice-Chair of the Chai Kingdom Economic Progress Department, Shoey.
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Listen, I'm not immune to the plight of the Bombshell Koopa. I realize the ramification of losing one of our most unique species of wildlife, and I agree that steps should be taken to preserve the Bombshell Koopa so it can be observed by future generations. But we also have to face facts. Bombshell Koopas are a great danger to the citizens that populate this great kingdom, as well as to the tourists who are the lifeblood of our growing economy. When the kingdom was smaller and less developed, it was easy to segregate the Bombshell Koopas from the people, but those times are over and the kingdom is growing. With the way things are now, they're a threat to themselves. Many a worker has been injured because a job site accidentally disturbed a Bombshell Koopa. Many a job has been delayed because the site overlapped with a Bombshell Koopa territory. So what's the solution? There are those such as Hood that say we should be putting limits on where development can happen to protect the Bombshell Koopas, and while I agree to a limited extent, the amount of land Hood wants to declare protected is simply outrageous. Can we as a society stop progress in the name of saving some exploding turtles? I believe there is already a simple solution to this problem. The government can buy up land not suited for development and turn that into nature preserves. That way, the Bombshell Koopa can continue to prosper while also not being a threat to the economic development of our kingdom. |
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Now, look, I understand the concerns of the Vice-Chairperson here, concerns shared by many others. Birabuto, Chai, all four constituent kingdoms have seen an economic boom that has lifted many in our kingdom into prosperity, and I'm not saying we should put the brakes on that completely. I am saying, though, that we can't afford to let an economic boom cause real booms. There is such a thing as growth too quickly, you know, and this kingdom's most famed species is sending us a strong signal that we've allowed growth to reach too rapid a pace. It's a warning to which we should pay attention. The very same habitat degradation and pollution causing Bombshell Koopa populations to plummet will eventually affect our health, and it will only be a matter of time before we find the ecosystems on which we depend can no longer supply us with the bounties to which we've become accustomed. If your response to these concerns is to think "a few sick citizens and smaller fish hauls from Muda can be more than offset with all the money tourists will bring in," then I ask you, do you really think tourists will continue to come to a polluted land stripped of its resources and the very wildlife which gave it the mystique that is now drawing in tourists? The decline of the Bombshell Koopa is a warning that we need to take drastic action to restrict development to preserve not only an icon of Sarasaland, but also our natural resources and our own health. Now, some like the Vice-Chairperson here will say that we can have our cake and eat it too by moving the Bombshell Koopas - and presumably more species - to land unsuited for development, but making it sound so easy hides the true costs to taxpayers. There is a reason that Bombshell Koopas don't inhabit these lands now, and that's because the land is as unsuited for supporting them as it is for supporting development! It would take massive investment to make these lands into suitable nature preserves, costing us far more of that tourist revenue than simply protecting already-existing Bombshell Koopa habitats will. Under this plan, we will frivolously throw away the tourism dividend we have received and have nothing to show for it but degraded kingdoms and a critically endangered Bombshell Koopa population that cannot attract the tourists needed to replace our wasted funds. For the sake of the Bombshell Koopa and for the prosperity of Sarasaland, we need to take a more resolute, aggressive approach to limiting development and designating current Bombshell Koopa habitats as nature preserves. |
Sprite credits: Sonik (tSR), Lakituthequick
Written by: Walter G. Timeson (talk)
Consumers Have A Cow Over Moo Moo Milk
Since its establishment in 1996, popular dairy brand Moo Moo Meadows Milk has been famous for its eponymous Moo Moos, a variety of cow that has been specially bred by the company. These Moo Moos have been claimed to provide higher quality milk that is both better tasting and more nutritious than milk produced by other brands. This key aspect of the brand's mission statement brought them under controversy late last month following a series of social media posts alleging that it was nothing more than a marketing scam.
The allegations originated with a series of internal documents from Moo Moo Meadows Milk that were leaked last year, which included numerous instances of company executives referring to the Moo Moos as simply "cows". Screenshots of these documents were posted by Cheeper user @DaVincheese2007, who used them to allege that the company's Moo Moo story was a hoax and that they were not a specifically bred kind of cow. The post spread quickly, causing an uproar on the site. The hashtag #HavingACow became trending for several hours at the height of the controversy, accompanied by a drop in the prices of Moo Moo Meadows Milk stock.
In response to the allegations, Moo Moo Meadows Milk president Boovine released a statement denying them and defending the company.
This controversy is based on nothing more than a blatantly false assumption. Yes, it's true that those documents did refer to our prized Moo Moos as "cows". But it's simply absurd to say that this implies the hard work we have been doing for generations to breed these Moo Moos and provide our loyal customers with the highest quality products we can is a massive conspiracy that our employees have been in on for nearly 30 years. We call Moo Moos "cows" as a shorthand all the time, because it's true! They are, after all, a specialized breed of cow. I really don't see how this started in the first place, or why it gained such traction.
Following the statement, the allegations were apparently quickly forgotten about. New posts on the subject became less frequent, and stock prices returned to normal shortly afterward. While the situation seems to have stabilized, The 'Shroom will continue to keep you informed of any further developments. This has been Walter G. Timeson reporting, and I am now out of time.
Written by: Legend 8
Episode 5+: Backstage Time Travels
Part 3 - Lord of the THINGs
It has become nighttime in the Mushroom Kingdom of 80 million years ago. The huge spaceship is still hovering over the volcano in the tropical warm air. Only the quiet whirring of the spaceship's engines can be heard.
In its interior, meanwhile, a hatless black-robed Magikoopa and a burning skull are sitting inside a cell of alien technology. Pyro is currently pacing up and down, while Kroop is sulking.
Pyro: We could...no...wait, yes...no! Nothing works! I have to...think of a plan... Argh, nooo!
Kroop: I think we should just give up.
Pyro: No, we can't. We've come so far already! The fate of the world depends on us now!
Kroop: Aw, come on. Stop being so theatrical. As soon as they figure out what trick you used to hide that artifact in your hat, we're dead anyway.
Pyro: Not if we manage to escape, with the hat, first! And besides, they haven't got a single clue of how antilogic works. It'll take ages for them to figure it out.
Kroop: Oh really. Stop being optimistic. Anyway, tell me about that artefact.
Pyro: Well, it's a timeless object, both ancient and modern, that grants unimaginable powers. I guess. When I first saw it, I decided to call it THE THING. Very fitting, isn't it?
Kroop: How would I know, I've never seen it! And what does this THING do?
Pyro: Er, well, it does... things... probably.
Kroop: Honestly, do you even know what it does?
Pyro: Ehm, no.
Kroop: Then why did you take it?!
Suddenly an inverted light bulb appears over Pyro's head and lights up with the idea.
Pyro: Doesn't matter, because I got an idea! Kroop, bang your head against the bars!
Kroop: What? Why?! Besides, the bars are made out of laser!
Pyro: Oh, yeah. I got a bit overexcited. I'll just ring that bell over there.
He rings the old-fashioned brass bell, that just randomly happened to be hanging there (and is also surprisingly loud). Soon, one of their mammoth prison keepers appears to take a look.
Pyro: Translator, er, I mean, Explainer - could you please translate what he's saying?
Oh, you can probably think of it - you just woke him from his nap. By the way, where the heck did that bell come from???
Pyro: That has no relevance at all in our current situation. Now please translate what I tell you to, into his language.
Okay, I'm on it! But are you sure I shouldn't just explain the language to you? It's quite easy actually.
Pyro: No, thank you. Now please tell him the following: "Dear Mister Mammoth, we see that we have lost and we are willing to trade with you. We meant you no harm and will cooperate, anything you want, if only you set us free and give me my hat back afterwards?"
Okay. Ahem: Truuut trumpetee trabooo, throooo trumpetete tarumpum. Thrampataa trumputuu?
...
He's saying that he doesn't trust you yet, but he understands your wishes and will consult his boss. Also, "he" is actually a girl. Anything else?
Pyro: Oh, yes! You still have to ask him, no, her, why her people want that THING so much.
Oh, so you really don't know anything about it? Okay, I'll ask. Trumpethaa, truupeh troahk thrapah?
...
Oh! She says that...
Suddenly the spaceship starts shaking and rumbling and a loudspeaker makes an announcement, drowning out their conversation. The ship then blasts off into the sky and vanishes through a rift.
Kroop: W-what just happened???
Pyro: Oh no! We returned to their home dimension with them! Now a good plan and lots of knowledge is all the more important. Explainer, what were you saying? Explainer? Explainer!
Kroop: Where has he gone?
Pyro: Damn it! As he hasn't got a body, he probably wasn't taken to the dimension with us, because they didn't know of his presence and didn't specifically take him with them, I think. Anyway, we're pretty much lost now.
Kroop: Aw man, that sounds bad... Why can't he just have talked quicker? And now we also have to go back to the Jurassic afterwards to get him back, urgh!
Pyro: I think the most inappropriate thing we could do now, is make plans for AFTERWARDS. Wait, where has that guard gone? And the bell?
Kroop suddenly yelps with excitement as he realized something.
Kroop: Pyro, we don't need either of them! Look! How can it be that we never even realised that I can easily fit through the bars?!
Pyro: WHAT?! And you're telling me NOW?!
Kroop jumps out of the cage and over towards what seems to be the prison's control panel. He bangs his snout precisely against the buttons, but is unable to press them down.
Kroop: Heck, how strong do these mammoth guys have to be if I can't even push one of their buttons?! I'll have to try something different.
He jumps on top of the console and starts to breathe fire at the laser-emitting parts of the cage. While the flames lick at the machinery, Kroop and Pyro suddenly hear a great cheering and the stomping of mammoth feet from the depths of the spaceship.
Kroop: What's that noi... Oh, I almost got it! It's starting to melt!
Pyro: Go on, Kroop! You can do it!
Finally the metal casing gives way. Now, the laser generator dangles down only from a few cables, tilted slightly: the laser hits a second bar's generator. It explodes in a shower of red sparks and the whole cage deactivates. Pyro jumps out of its remnants and he and Kroop start to run as an alarm starts blaring.
Pyro: Great, we're free! But where are we gonna go now?
Kroop: I don't know. Out of here, preferably!
Pyro: But not without my hat! We're so close!
They run across a long futuristic corridor. The farther they progress, the louder the stomping and cheering noises get. Suddenly a few humongous mammoth guards armed with laser cannons appear behind them and start chasing them.
Pyro: Oh. That certainly poses a problem... How are we gonna get rid of these guys now?
Kroop: Let me take care of them, and you try to find your hat!
Kroop launches himself at one of the mammoths, who zaps him with a laser cannon.
Pyro: Kroop, no! Stop doing stupid heroic stuff!
Kroop is struck, but instead of going down, he gets charged with red crackling lasertricity and releases it in a shockwave that smashes their pursuers back a few meters and sends the ceiling crashing into the corridor, blocking their path.
Pyro: If THAT was your plan, then... then... you're a GENIUS!!!
Kroop: In fact, that was not what I intended. But I do see what you mean, it always goes pretty well when everything depends on it. Do you think that's destiny?
Pyro: Well, it's definitely not magic.
All of a sudden they realize that they have stumbled into a grand hall full of mammoths. In the middle an especially large mammoth is raising something thingy-looking towards the sky. Next to him, on a pedestal, are Pyro's hat and staff. All the mammoths turn their heads towards them.
Pyro: My ha-!!! Oh. Eh. I think we should RUUUNNN!!!!
Pyro and Kroop want to get away, but suddenly, angry mammoths have surrounded them from all sides and load their laser rifles.
Kroop: Nononono! How can we escape? They are all armed, and ten times as heavy and strong as we are!
Pyro: *bling, stupid idea* Kroop, I know how. We'll fly.
Kroop: What?!
Pyro: Just try to hold onto my shell and then breathe fire!
Pyro spreads his cloak (which is, of course, fireproof), and as Kroop begins to breathe flames, they begin to rapidly levitate upwards like a balloon, while the furious mammoths incredulously watch after them. Some try to hit them with a laser gun, but miss them.
Kroop: Okay, I get your idea now, but why the heck did we do this? This spaceship HAS got a ceiling, y'know?!
Pyro: I'll explain later. For now, just hold on tight and do what I tell you. Ready? Stop the fire...now!
Kroop stops breathing fire and they begin to fall. Pyro opens his cloak wide and they glide, faster and faster, towards the nearest exit. In passing, Pyro grabs his hat and staff from the pedestal but accidentally lets go of the THING he also tried to take.
Pyro: Yes, finally!!! I got my stuff back - no! The THING slipped out of my fingers!!!
They crash into the ground, not surrounded any more, and start running again.
Kroop: Okay, that WAS smart. But if we don't find an exit now, we're doomed.
Pyro: Come on, I can feel it! Keep going! Only around this corner and...
Kroop: Oh no! It's a dead end! Why does this kind of stuff always have to happen to us?!
Pyro: Oh, shoot! Hmm. But look, there is a big red button!
Kroop: It reads: "DO NOT PRESS UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES"... You're not going to press it, are you?...
Pyro: Oh come on, why shouldn't I?
Kroop: It might be dangerous! Why would they write that for no reas... Aaaaah, noooo, doooonnn't!!!
Pyro presses the button (obviously).
Immediately, their part of the spaceship detonates and sends them flying out of the ship and into the strange mammoth future dimension. Pyro conjures up a parachute and they land safely upon one of the cyber glaciers flying though the empty space.
Kroop: AaahahaaaaaAahhhahahaaaahahAAHahHaaaAaaaahahaaaAaHh!!!
Pyro: Stop screaming! We've landed safely, Kroop. We're free!
Kroop: Really? Phew! I SO want to go home now. You surely can't have anything against that.
Pyro: No, I don't have anything against it at all. Only... Well... Space-time travel is only possible if you have a special object from both the current and the target dimensions.
Kroop: So? You've got your hat back now, what are you waiting for!
Pyro: Yeeees, but... The only item I had from this world, that fulfilled the necessary properties, was... the THING...
Kroop: Oh, noooooo!!!
TO BE CONTINUED...
What will happen when Pyro and Kroop face the mammoths? Will there be an epic battle in space (I hope so!)? All that and more will be revealed, in the next and probably final part of the Backstage Time Travels...
The Sunshine Travel Guide
Written by: TheBlueCatMenace
Airship Fortress: The Unlikely Hotel
Hello everyone, Cosmo here. My time grows short. I have gotten tangled up in a mafia plot, and cannot write an issue this month. However, I fortunately have access to the Sunshine Travel Agency Archives, which means I can take one of our unreleased travel guides and release that. So enjoy the outdated info, jokes, and language.
The Actual Introduction And A Brief History
Hi guys, it's your favourite feline. After the unbridled success of my travel guide on Cheep Cheep Beach, I decided to review another location that was formerly used by the Mario Karting Association as a karting track. This location was built shortly after the Koopa Engineers Inc. introduced the Koopa army's navy, built primarily out of airships. Airship Fortress was constructed as a port to load airships with troops, supplies, or weapons.
It fell into disrepair shortly after the Dinosaur Land War, until the Mario Karting Association revamped it into a track for the DS tournaments. They only made 100% necessary repairs, opting to use the natural gaps as obstacles. The track was reused in the 7th tournament as well as the infamous Tour-Nament.
Now the airship has been revamped as a hotel, with many activities taking place on the fortress. Without further ado, let's get into it.
Attractions
Airship Fortress has been converted into a hotel by A Non Suspicious Company That Isn't Trying To Capture Servants For Bowser (ANSCTITTCSFB). The airship is where you will stay the night, in one of the many rooms. If you're feeling bored, you can pop down to the tavern for a Chuckola Cola and swap stories with others.
When you're ready to begin some activities, you can head to the fortress outside where you can partake in multiple activities, including:
Kart Racing
There are a few old karts left behind in Airship Fortress. Give them a lick of paint, some fuel, and a hug, and they should be working optimally. Risk your life drifting around the sharp turns, have a heart attack because you fell off, feel relieved cause you'll be saved by Lakitu, panic because Lakitu isn't there.
Bill
Run at a Banzai Bill and see which one chickens out first. WARNING: Banzai Bills do not chicken out so this game is pointless.
Target Practice
Man a cannon and fire at flying targets. Missing will likely kill someone, somewhere, as cannonballs are very dangerous. I hit a grandma, a Lakitu, and an airship, which exploded, taking out an entire fleet. Beat that!
Skydiving
Free fall with no parachute! No safety issues whatsoever! I can't even see the ground! Who thought this was a good idea!? AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Ahem, let's get on with it.
Souvenirs
There is a small area of the airship dedicated to shops. I'll go over a few of the major ones.
War Crimes
Your one stop shop for weapons of all kinds, War Crimes has cannons, atomic bombs, and deadly robots galore! Launch missiles, set mines, and throw grenades. It's very difficult not to injure yourself.
Mushroom Market
The emporium for the highest quality mushrooms. There's mini, mega, super, poison, volt, life, 1-up, the whole mushroom family tree. There's some really obscure ones too, plus the sought after Golden Mushroom. Head here if you like mushrooms.
Merlee's Fortune Telling
Mysterious Mage Merlee, she mumbles to you a magnificent prophecy, for a mere 10 coins. Maybe it will be marvelous, or malevolent, no matter which one you receive, I will continue to alliterate to substitute for humor.
Frank's Fine Flowers
Similar to Mushroom Market, Frank's Fine Flowers is a shop dedicated to one thing. Frank is a Wubba from the Flower Kingdom, so he knows a thing or two about flowers. You can find fire, ice, wonder, bubble, superball, and even golden!
Conclusion
Uh, guys? I just got captured and hauled away to Bowser's Castle. Turns out this was an elaborate trap to get slaves for Bowser. Gosh darn, I hate it when this happens. I mean, I guess I could write a travel guide to Bowser's Castle instead? Yeah, I'll do that.
Cosmo here, breaking the forth wall to bring you important info. I hope you enjoyed this admittedly not great issue of The Sunshine Travel Guide. I'm currently working on a special, non-travel guide segment for issue 208, which I may or may not complete. Plus, there's gonna be an extra good issue of The Sunshine Travel Guide for issue 208 as well. In the meantime, if you have a location for me to cover in the next issue, contact me on the forums. See you then!
| The 'Shroom: Issue 207 | |
|---|---|
| Staff sections | Staff Notes • The 'Shroom Spotlight • Poochy's Picks • Credits |
| Features | Fake News • Fun Stuff • Palette Swap • Pipe Plaza • Critic Corner • Strategy Wing |
| Specials | Community Awards Dossier |
