Cranky Kong
- “Whisking off maidens and throwing barrels around the place seven days a week, I was. That’s how I got where I am today, you know. Hard work.”
- —Cranky Kong, Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy's Kong Quest
It has been requested that this article be rewritten.
Template:Character-infobox Cranky Kong is Donkey Kong's fourth-wall breaking and constantly complaining and rambling father. Cranky is the original Donkey Kong.
Biography
A Baby
Main article: Baby Donkey Kong
In Yoshi's Island DS, Cranky Kong helped Baby Mario and Baby Peach free Baby Luigi from Kamek. Unlike Baby Bowser and Baby Wario, he does not abandon Baby Mario and Baby Peach in favor of another group. Together, the babies managed to free the babies of the world and Baby Luigi. Please note that it is debated whether this is actually Cranky Kong.
The Main Ape
Main article: Donkey Kong
According to the Donkey Kong Country series, Cranky Kong is likely the original Donkey Kong from the arcade games. (although Nintendo, who now owns the Donkey Kong rights, supports this fact very rarely, choosing to say that it's always been the current Donkey Kong). During his youthful prime, Cranky Kong kidnapped Pauline, was kidnapped by Mario, and even battled Stanley the Bugman in a greenhouse.
Missin' the Old Days
Apparently after his defeat by Stanley the Bugman Cranky migrated to Donkey Kong Island; here he grew old and bitter.
Cranky's first appearance as Cranky was in Donkey Kong Country. Here Cranky lives in a slightly rundown shack known as "Cranky's Cabin". From here, Cranky gives advice on the game's various items and locations to his son Donkey Kong and his friend Diddy Kong.
Almost a Villain
Though Cranky is not actually in Donkey Kong Country's Game Boy sequel, Donkey Kong Land he is the one that sets off the events of the game. Cranky, slightly jealous of Donkey and Diddy's success over the evil King K. Rool tricks them into making a bet with him; if Donkey and Diddy can reclaim Donkey's banana hoard from King K. Rool again, this time on an eight-bit system, he will admit that they are adequate gaming heroes. In the end Cranky ends up eating his words when Donkey and Diddy once again defeat K. Rool and the Kremling Krew.
Monkey Museum Curator
In Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy's Kong Quest Cranky sets up his "Monkey Museum" on Crocodile Isle. Once again Cranky will give out information, this time for a price. In this game Cranky also scatters several DK Coins throughout the game's various. Once Kaptain K. Rool is defeated Cranky will tally Diddy and Dixie Kong's "hero status" by how many DK Coins they have collected. Donkey Kong Country 2 also introduced Cranky's wife and Donkey Kong's mother, Wrinkly Kong.
An Orphaned Ostrich
In the Game Boy Advance remake of Donkey Kong Country 2 Cranky's role remains relatively the same as in the original game. Although a new sidequest involving Cranky was added to the game; it seems with the "fabulous fortune" he made in Donkey Kong Country Cranky bought a racing ostrich he names Expresso. After bulking up Expresso using feathers the Kongs can race Expresso for Cranky and try to get trophies for the grouchy old Kong in exchange for rewards.
An Enemy Again
In Donkey Kong Country 3: Dixie Kong's Double Trouble! Cranky's are more or less cameos. In Swanky's Sideshow Cranky Kong acts as Dixie and Kiddy Kong's opponent in various ball throwing mini-games. Cranky also appears at the end of Donkey Kong Country 3 to criticize Dixie and Kiddy's victory over KAOS and Baron K. Roolenstein. If players manage to get the game's "best" ending Cranky will do a few water-skiing tricks before holding up a sign which says "THE END" in runny ink. He is also top of the All-Time Greats list at the end of the game, having beat the game in 04:22 with 103%. If the player beats the game with the TUFST code activated, thereby attaining 105%, they will get a trophy of Cranky Kong in a black belt's outfit and will be named the 'Immortal Monkey!'.
Training
In the Game Boy Advance remake of Donkey Kong Country 3 Cranky runs several dojos, aptly named Cranky's Dojo to prepare for his "First" game, Cranky Kong Country. In Cranky's Dojo players can gain the ability to play as a shield wielding Cranky during a Bristles dodging mini-game. Cranky's Dojo mini-game must be beaten at least once to gain a Banana Bird.
The Mad Scientist
Cranky's next appearance would be in Donkey Kong 64. Here Cranky has seemingly taken up science as a hobby; Cranky's Lab can be found in every area of Donkey Kong 64 except Hideout Helm. At Cranky's Lab the Kongs can pay for several potions that can give them new powers and abilities. Also if the Kongs manage to collect fifteen Banana Medals Cranky will allow them to play Jetpac, an early Rare game. The Kongs must beat the Jetpac game in order to obtain the Rareware Coin. Cranky also acts as the Kongs coach during their boxing match against King Krusha K. Rool.
More Training
In DK: King of Swing Cranky Kong, along with ghost of his wife, Wrinkly teaches Donkey Kong (and thus the player) how to use the games unique controls. Cranky, along with Candy Kong, is the only Kong who is not playable in DK: King of Swing's Jungle Jam mode.
Even More Training
Cranky once again appears in Donkey Kong Jungle Climber. He teaches DK and Diddy how to play the game, and also appears in various levels to teach them moves. Cranky has a very strangely active and good-tempered role in this game, as he follows DK and Diddy and Xananab through the various islands. He also tells the characters what they can do with the various Banana Coins, DK Coins, and Oil Barrels he finds throughout the levels once they are collected.
Barrel Blasting
Cranky appears in Donkey Kong Barrel Blast as a secret character, unlocked by playing Candy's Challenges, Challenge 24, and winning. He has oddly high stats, and is a rival to King K. Rool. Contrary to popular belief, this is his not first North American playable appearance, as he was playable in the Cranky's Dojo minigame in the GBA version of Donkey Kong Country 3. He was also playable in the Japan-only Donkey Konga 3.
Other Appearances
Cranky also appears in the Donkey Konga series, though he is only playable in the series' third installment, Donkey Konga 3. Cranky makes a small cameo in the background of one of Donkey Kong's stages in the game Super Smash Bros. Melee.
Appearances in Other Media
Pre-Cranky Donkey Kong also appeared in the Saturday Supercade and a few episodes of Captain N: The Game Master. Whether this was Cranky or simply the current Donkey Kong is unknown.
Cranky was also a main character on the Donkey Kong Country television series. Here Cranky was as grouchy and bitter as he was in the games, he was also Donkey Kong's father. However, he's far less arrogant then in the video games. On the show, instead of living in a cabin on the ground like in the games, Cranky instead lives in a cabin on a tree-top village, similar to ones seen in the area Vine Valley from the Donkey Kong Country game. On the show, Cranky was also seen to be adept at potion-making and magic, a trait later carried on into the games.
He also appeared in the Club Nintendo comic "Donkey Kong Country". He is the first one to discover that King K. Rool has stolen the Kongs' Banana Hoard, which follows the story of the game. Cranky's appearance in the comic differs slightly from his standard look, as he is wearing a blue shirt instead of a gray or brown one.
Cranky got his own action figure in the late 90's due to the popularity of the DKC TV show.
Original Identity Controversy
It has been disputed by fans whether or not Cranky Kong is truly the original Donkey Kong, and if he is DK's father or grandfather. The original versions of the Donkey Kong Country series indicated that Cranky is DK's grandfather, and that he was the star of the first Donkey Kong game. Donkey Kong 64 on the other hand, made by the same company, indicated that Cranky Kong was Donkey Kong's father. Later on, in the Mario Vs. Donkey Kong series, it stated that Donkey Kong has always been the main character. To add to this confusion, Donkey Kong's Super Mario Baseball bio claimed that Cranky Kong is an ancestor of his, and was the one who kidnapped Pauline. The remake of Donkey Kong Country 3 stated that Cranky Kong's first starring-game would be a game called Cranky Kong Country, though he may have meant the first game he would be playable in, as the original Donkey Kong was never playable.
Quotes
The various quotes of Cranky Kong.
In Video Games
In Donkey Kong Country
- I can't believe it. You trampled all over Gnawty. Give me that giant banana. I will take care of it for you. Come on, get going. You can't rest yet.
- You sure showed that stupid bird who's boss. Good, that's another banana back. Now go down to Vine Valley and find the others.
- Well, you told him to buzz off. You looked in trouble for a while. Come on, hand it over. I will take that banana for you. Make sure you wrap up warm. I have got a feeling you'll need to.
- Are my old eyes playing tricks? I'm sure I have seen that beaver before. Where could it have been? Grab the banana and give it to me. Head down the mountain to the factory.
- Oh dear! Call that tin can a boss? Surely K.ROOL can come up with better than that, maybe a bucket or perhaps a really nasty fridge! Come on, you are nearly there now. Just Chimp Caverns to go.
- It's just like the old days, reusing the boss, changing it's color and pretending it is completely new. That's it, only K.ROOL left to beat. Come on, let's go and kick his scaly butt!
- Donkey, I've had enough! That tie - turn it down!
- They can't keep this level of graphics up for much longer! We used to be lucky if we only got three shades of grey, let alone any real colors!
- Look!...look at this!...as I rock, my beard swings! Waste of frames in my opinion!
In Donkey Kong Country 2
- All right. If you somehow get back safely from this and bring back that good-for-nothing Donkey with you, I'll admit that maybe you have what it takes after all. But if you don't there will never be more than cheap cameo roles for you in the future, my boy.
In Donkey Kong Country 3
- So you've reached the bonus game then, have you? It's not a simple game of questions and answers this time though! Now you've got to beat yours truly if you want to win any prizes!
- You fraudster! I'm off to consult my lawyers about this!
- Get out of my tent now, you cheeky ape!! Wait till I tell your parents.
In Instruction Books
- You're only reading this because you're bored!
- Troff's a pig, Scoff's a hippo, and both are big, slow, and useless.
- I can't believe you're still reading this! What you need is a good trashing!
- Does anyone ever actually use these memo pages? Waste of paper if you ask me!
- Tired of me? You're lucky I'm here to brighten up this boring manual!
- Err... Nope! None of these baddies are in! They must have slipped in the wrong instruction manual or something!
- Copy?! Who'd want to copy this game?
- Someone sure has a vivid imagination! I've been everywhere and I can tell you that none of these places actually exist!
- What's going on here? [Dixie] should be the damsel in distress, not one of the stars!
- I wouldn't believe a word of this! I've been everywhere and I found only two locations, bad ones at that!
- Look at the fancy box. Look at the size of this instruction manual. You don't think they would have gone to all this trouble if the game was any good, do you?!
- Arrrrgh! This story's even worse than DKC! They're really scraping the bottom of the barrel this time!
- Bah! The lad had a couple of frames in DKC and now he thinks he's a big star!
- So let's see what nonsense they've made up for this game, shall we? Hmm... well, I have to hand it to them. This time they've managed to come up with a decent storyline that doesn't involve the usual golden bananas. Only joking kids! This one's worse than all the previous efforts put together! I know you probably aren't expecting a best seller, but wait till you hear this load of rubbish...
- [Diddy is] quick, nimble and courageous but still a bit of a lightweight when compared to my fine physique. He's also got this new-fangled thing he calls a Jetbarrel, but it sounds like nothing more than a lot of hot air to me.
- Tiny can also shrink in size--although I reckon that one's nothing more than a marketing gimmick and won't even be in the game!
- Those silly stretchy arms give [Lanky] plenty of potential, but I'm sure he'll be too busy clowning around to be of much use.
- Just remember that we rightfully expect our expertise to be rewarded, so do collect a good haul of Banana Bunch Coins before you even think about disturbing me, won't you?
- My powerful potions will give you abilities you've never dreamed of and certainly don't deserve, assuming of course you can afford my modest asking fee. Now don't you go asking me for a potion of gameplay, as even my genius can't rescue this game from its rightful destiny in the bargain bin.
- I could defeat [K. Rool] single-handedly of course, but then you wouldn't have a game to play would you?
- I knew they'd have to have something like this. The Kongs will be so weighed down with all the garbage they have to collect, I can't see them getting past the second level. You can view all this silly nonsense and some other stuff I don't understand by pressing START during your game.
- Now where did they put the level I designed? Hmm... I can't seem to find it. It was called the 'Great Girder Grapple' as I remember. Oooh, I must have spent at least 3 minutes working on it. I even drew them a fancy little picture. Bah! It must have been too good for them. The kids would have refused to play their fancy 3-D levels once they'd gotten a taste of my 2-D girder action! Don't give up hope though; they might have hidden it somewhere like a priceless gem, hoping that no one will ever find it...
- Elsewhere [in Gloomy Galleon], you'll find a hulking structure that's a bit dim and doesn't work. Yes, I know you already know about Chunky, but this is also true of a eerie lighthouse. Let's see if you can get them both working and be of some use.
- Tough luck kid. I've been told to keep my mouth shut, as they want to keep all the good stuff for a money-making strategy guide. I'm sure some of it will appear on the newfangled 'internet' thing as well, so I suggest you take a look-see there. You could also ask your friends, assuming of course you've got any. If all else fails, you'll just have to play better.
- The best switch is the one on top of your N64, as you can turn off your silly 3-D adventure and let me get some sleep.
- I can't be bothered to tell you any more [about Snide], so you'll have to ask him what he's doing in this game when you meet him.
- [DK is] the leader of this mangy bunch and tells me that he has learned a whole new bunch of 'mean, reptile-stomping' moves. I doubt whether they will be any better than his old ones, but we shall see, shan't we?
- Funky stocks the following shooters, all of which can hopefully be upgraded, if you can get that far into the game without falling asleep.
- [Golden Bananas are] The most precious item in the game, apart from me, of course. You'll need plenty of these to progress through the levels. If you find more than ten, I'll be surprised.
- Special? Hah! I'd sure like to know what makes these [items] any better than the others; they look just as useless to me. Probably because they're slightly larger and a little shinier, I suppose.
- Also found in the level lobbies, the information concealed behind these [Wrinkly doors] should be used as a last resort only. (Or as a first resort if you are a really poor player.)
- Let me know if you find a bananaport that can take me out of this sorry game, and I'll be there in a flash.
- Jump in these to be transformed into an animal buddy. I just hope they've included poor old Winky and Expresso this time instead of that bone-brained rhino that always seems to get in the games.
- I've never seen so much worthless rubbish! I'm surprised they don't give you a special 'trash barrel' to haul it all around in!
- Visit me first and give me all your coins! I'm far more useful than these other sad-looking bums!
In the Cartoon
- DONKEY KONG!!!
- What am I doing in this contraption? I've got an air-heard airline pilot and a couple of knuckleheads guarding the Crystal Coconut.
- Cranky: He thought we're talking about him and not the X-Ray machine and now he's trying to weasel his way into the history book by killing all of us with his good deeds. Fat chance.
Diddy: How do we make him stop?
Cranky: With the cherry soda! Right there on the shelf next to the Super-Sonic Vitapunch pack.
Donkey: Cherry soda?
Cranky: He thinks he has a fatal disease?
Donkey: Yeah.
Cranky: All we have to do is convince him that this cherry soda is some new miracle drug that will cure him.
Diddy: Cherry soda's a miracle drug?
Cranky: Of course not! But he'll think so and stop trying to destroy Congo Bongo by being a hero. Besides, I've been trying to unload that stuff for ages.
- I'll smackify the both of ya unless you knock off the Science-Fictional nonsense.
- K. Rool: It isn't over until it's over!
Cranky: At least this conversation's over.
- Cranky: "Who built the ancient and mysterious temple of Inka-Dinka Doo?" Now why do you knuckleheads suppose it's called mysterious?
Donkey: We don't know?
Cranky: Exactly! It's a mystery! No one knows who built it! The end!
- Bluster: The Barrel Copter! Mommy'll be livid!
Cranky: Tell her to take a number. I was livid first.
- Cranky: The tickle tonic's starting to freeze!
Funky: Then let's tickle-sickle him!
Cranky: I think you may want to stick a thermometer in you ear. I think the same thing is happening to your head.
- Cranky: Business? You've got no business to go into business! You'll lose your shirt!
Donkey: That's OK. I don't wear a shirt.
Cranky: Then you'll lose your tie.
- What am I doing here? I could ask you what you're doing here, all of you! But I know - wrecking my vacation, that's what! First bees, then ants, now you and those overstuffed alligators are the icing on the cake!
- Ah, the rare flora-dora orchid. And today's the one day a year you bloom for five seconds, when the sun is in exactly... that position. Say cheese! I've only got five seconds. Work with me here. Hey, how come you're still here? The sun should've shifted. Great jumpin' bananas! The sun's not moving! That can't be good...
- It sounds crazy, but so is everything else that's happened today!
- GO HOME AND LET ME GET SOME SLEEP!
