MarioWiki:Featured articles/Unfeature/N2/Kolorado

Kolorado

Remove Featured Article Status

1. Time Turner (talk) It's amazing how many words have been used for a character who only appears once, and they're not even good words. It's overly flowery ("He is scooped up at the last minute by Misstar, and the band of adventurers narrowly escape from the volcano as it finally erupts"), overly speculative (basically the whole background and personality), and overly unfocused (the entire article reads like the adventures of Mario with guest star Kolorado), which is an immediate strike for me. The intro is surprisingly short and what little information is there doesn't cover Kolorado all that much, the quotes in the middle of the article are there for no reason, the multiple letters involving Kolorado are barely mentioned, and Russ T.'s description of him isn't referenced in the slightest. Somehow, this article is guilty of too much and too little at the same time.
2. Baby Luigi (talk) Per Time Turner
3. Bazooka Mario (talk) Yeah, the writing is not great. I think the sample sentence isn't horrible, but there are worse ones. "On the way, he is saved from the dangerous inhabitants of Jade Jungle twice by Mario[...]"; "This paradox of courage and inability to fight is clearly shown when Kolorado attempts to help Mario in fighting the Lava Piranha; although he rushes courageously at the monster, he is easily beat back without so much as laying a hand on him." I like how the opening sentence says something like, "Kolorado is brave, famous, slightly foolish, adventurer and he also as a mustache". "Mario helps the distraught Kolorado by defeating the burly Koopa[...]". The writing reminds me somewhat of the Yoshi article with its overuse of adjectives and "unnecessarily frilly descriptions", like using "the overjoyed explorer" rather than plain "Kolorado" and "he". Time Turner is correct, the quotes are strewn with little rhyme or reason, and Kolorado is actually surprisingly lacking in the quotes department. For bulking the beginning paragraph, the trivia section can be merged there, and that last trivia point is so vague and lacking that it could've not been there.
4. Yoshi876 (talk) Per all.
5. Roy Koopa (talk) The Paper Mario description looks like a bunch of flowers. Per all.

Keep Featured Article Status

1. Tucayo (talk) - I will place this vote because I want on more input on what is still wrong with the article after the corrections I could make.

Comments

Alright, I relocated the quotes to a dedicated section as it is with other articles, removed unnecessary adjectives and duplicate information, relocated the trivia to the introduction (which works best on this case), and included Russ T.'s description. I don't have the information on the letters right now but I think maybe this is a first step towards this article remaining featured. Thoughts? --Tucayo (talk)

The writing still needs improvement. Stumbling across the first sentence, it states "Mario first hears of the famous adventurer during his visit to Koopa Village." where "the famous adventurer" should be replaced with "Kolorado" or "explorer" be replaced with "him". I see various more problems with the writing, such as "it is unknown what was Kolorado's reaction was". This is all in the first sentences. There's still too many unecessary adjectives, such as calling Dry Dry Ruins "famous". Overall, there's still more narrative trimming and needs to be more straight to the point if you know what I mean. Ray Trace^(T|C) 16:33, 15 December 2015 (EST)