The 'Shroom:Issue 204/Critic Corner
Director's Notes
March is here, and with that is the onslaught of seasonal shifts. Holidays, temperature fluctuations, pollen, bacteria running rampant, resulting in one of the worst things in the world ever: me being sick. My vibrant vigor temporarily muted, and perhaps yours too, and what better chance to sit in bed and read a bunch of reviews to get those brain juices moving! Not sick? Well do it anyways!
Thank you for voting Half-Baked Reviews as February's Critic Corner Section of the Month!! Be sure to give your love to all of our sections here, and give a shout out to our writers whether in chat or in their forum threads dedicated to their sections. Be sure to vote vote vote!
And now for my regular announcements: We've decided to implement in Critic Corner something similar to News Flush over in Fake News, where no formal sign-up application process is required for one-time or limited sections. From now on if you just want to send in a single review for something you just read, watched played, tried, whatever, you just have to send me your review privately either to me directly in chat, or in a message to me on the forum at least one week before each 'Shroom is to be released! There's no commitment or obligation to provide a full monthly section (although you absolutely can shift it into one if you so choose), just send us your thoughts on a thing and we'll feature it here! If you have any questions or curiosities about this, please feel free to ask!
As always, if you would like to help Critic Corner, we always have openings for more writers! You are free to write for sections such as Character Review and Movie Review, or really anything you'd like to do! There's no pressure to have a huge section; they can be shorter and concise! The application process is very simple, starting with reading the Sign Up page, and sending your application to Meta Knight on the forum. Any idea you have is welcome, and if you have any questions or need help signing up, please feel free to reach out to myself or other 'Shroom peeps!
Section of the Month
| CRITIC CORNER SECTION OF THE MONTH | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Place | Section | Votes | % | Writer |
| 1st | Anton's Half-Baked Reviews | 18 | 58.06% | Hypnotoad (talk) |
| 2nd | The Mariospective | 6 | 19.35% | Goombuigi (talk) |
| 2nd | Video Game Review | 6 | 19.35% | Waluigi Time (talk) |
'Shroom FM
'Shroom FM time 🕒
Allie X - Girl with No Face
Very hit-or-miss. In the album's better moments, it's bold, energetic, sometimes a bit edgy; with song titles like "Off with Her Tits", you basically know what to expect. The sound is clearly 80s-inspired and execution-wise I think it's done great. There's a definite new wave feel running through it, with some other influences like Hi-NRG; and this contrasts nicely with the darker tone. The synths and drum machines are cool, though my favourite sounds here are the orchestra hits on "Black Eye". "Galina" is the highlight of the album, a phenomenal, cold synthpop banger. But outside of that and the first three tracks, the rest of the songs are a little underwhelming, never really matching the energy the album has at the start. I don't even care much for "Black Eye", for the most part it just feels like a retread of the earlier songs. It's not a bad album, but still quite a disappointing one.
Friko - Where we've been, Where we go from here ⭐
One of the best indie rock debuts I've heard in a long time. Owes a lot to mid/late-00s indie rock, sure - but at the same time, it just feels so fresh to listen to, such a lively and warm atmosphere. The opener, "Where We've Been", is a great introduction to the album - starting off calm and introspective, slowly building up with more instrumentation and vocals in the background, and then erupting just after the halfway mark. It really showcases the band's versatility and control over both the quieter and louder aspects of the album. My favourite of the noisy parts Beyond the drums and guitarwork, Niko Kapetan's vocals are perfectly suited to this style, really passionate and cathartic, and brings out all the emotion in the lyrics. The penultimate track "Get Numb to It!" is definitely where it peaks, an absolutely massive anthem with a killer chorus - but there's so many other songs here that, on any other album, could be far and away the standout.
Kim Gordon - The Collective
My first time listening to the opening track here, "BYE BYE" - essentially Kim Gordon reading a to-do list over a harsh trap beat and seemingly my dad's car's seatbelt alarm - it did take a while for everything to sink in. But as much as it shouldn't work, it does? The bizarre lyrics and Gordon's detached delivery of them weirdly ties everything together. Does it do the same for the rest of the album? Not really, unfortunately. The abstract, industrial beats are cool but get a little repetitive on their own, and there are a few other tracks where Gordon's presence does gel with them; but increasingly as the album goes on, the effect does wear off a little. By the end, you get tracks like "Shelf Warmer" and "Dream Dollar" where Gordon's vocal interjections are just adding nothing. It's definitely a unique album, but unfortunately runs low on ideas fast.
Shygirl - Club Shy (EP)
I don't have a huge amount to say about this, but this is a brilliant house EP. It's only 15 minutes long, and only one song of the six breaks the three minute barrier, but all of them feel fully fleshed-out and unique. Energy is consistently high, right from the first second. Not reinventing the wheel by any means but a really fun and satisfying little project.
Graphic Novel Review
| Sunny Makes Her Case | |
|---|---|
| |
| Author | Jennifer L. Holm and Matthew Holm |
| Release date | 2024 |
| Genre | slice of life, comedy |
| Pages | 224 |
| Available From | |
Hi, everyone! Welcome back to Graphic Novel Review! This month, we will be returning to a staple series for this column, the fifth book in the Sunny series: Sunny Makes Her Case, from Jennifer L. and Matthew Holm!
This book was a nice surprise: it showed up in my inbox back in January with a February release date from Barnes and Noble. I had been idly wondering if there was going to be another Sunny book, and here we are, the fifth book in a lovely purple color. Let’s catch up with Sunny and see what she’s been up to!
When we last saw Sunny, she had finished her summer working at the snack bar at the local pool and had made a new friend: her coworker, Tony. The year is 1978, and now Sunny is returning to school faced with a new adventure: it’s time to join an afterschool club! Fairview’s trophy case is full of trophies of all of the sports teams, and Sunny wants to join a team and help win a trophy, too! She and her friend Deb try out for cheerleading, however, only Deb is able to make the team. When one of her friends mentions how tired he is of sports and athletics and wishes there was a debate team at the school, she shakes off the disappointment of not making the team and the two of them decide to start the school’s first debate team!
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, I really love a good Sunny story. All of them are inspired by Jennifer L. Holm’s childhood, from working at her local pool, to having a family member with substance abuse issues, to starting a debate team at her school. I love reading about her experiences in the 70s, what the kids back then were excited about, what pop culture was focusing on, all of it is so fascinating! The way the subject of a debate team is handled here is easy for anyone to understand- Sunny and her friend do research about topics to prepare for some of their debates, but others are announced right at the beginning of the debate, so they have to learn to think on their feet and used what they have learned about the world around them. Inspiration comes from everywhere- a comment someone makes when taking about their past, a story on the radio during a car ride, a lesson being taught by an adult. The debate team, in my opinion, calls back to the daydream Sunny has at the beginning of the book of winning a game show- on a show like Jeopardy, you have to use all of your knowledge, and although you don’t have to argue or defend your answers, it helps to listen to everything around you and absorb knowledge anywhere you can get it. You might learn something new that might be helpful to you later.
One more thing I love about the Sunny series is the lovely continuity throughout all of the books. Sunny’s friend Deb was originally introduced in the first book, and she’s still around in book 5. Sunny makes new friends, like Tony, who follow her into the newer books. I’ve read quite a few series where characters are introduced and then dropped and you never see them again, but to have Sunny’s friends still in her life, especially while she’s going through middle school, when that can be a time when a lot of kids can lose their longtime friends, is really refreshing to see. I’m really excited to see where the Holms take Sunny next, so hopefully she’ll make another comeback in a couple years’ time.
You all know I love the Sunny series, so this one is an easy recommendation from me. If you’re interested in joining a debate team at your school, or maybe even a Model UN program, you might want to check this one out just to see what you can expect. If you’ve followed along with the series this far, this one will be right at home on your shelf.
That’s all for me this month! Catch me again next time with a new Book Review for you!
Welcome back to The Mariospective! This monthly section is a series of retrospectives of every Mario game on the Nintendo Switch Online service. This month, I'm reviewing Pinball, a game which sort of counts as a Mario game, though it may not seem so on the surface.
In addition, during my playthroughs of each game, I challenged myself not to use save states or rewind functionality of NSO, in order to get a more authentic experience and judge each game accordingly - otherwise, using save states and rewinds would remove a lot of the games' intended challenge. I also will be going for 100% in each game, in order to experience everything there is to experience about each one. In the older games, particularly ports of arcade games, there's the question of what counts as 100%. If such a game is meant to be infinitely replayable, it's impossible to reach a definitive end. Therefore, I decided that in such games, I would classify my playthrough as 100% once I experienced every unique stage in the game. A bit of an arbitrary metric, I will admit, but it's the best I could come up with.
| System | NES |
|---|---|
| Original Release Date | Template:Release |
| Nintendo Switch Online Release Date | Template:Release |
| 100% Criteria | Save Pauline in Scene C |
Overview
At first, you may not think of Pinball as a Mario game, and I didn't either, but Mario is, in fact, a playable character in the game, so I would count it. (Besides, it's listed on the Super Mario Wiki as one.) Pinball was released on the NES in 1984 in Japan, in 1985 in North America, and in 1986 in Europe, and it is a game where, as you might assume, you play pinball. More specifically, you control flippers of a pinball machine. Unlike most other Mario games, there's no story or context to this one, not even a blurb in the instruction manual. So, let's dig into the gameplay.
Gameplay
Gameplay-wise, Pinball is a pinball game, all right. It consists of three different stages - scene A, scene B, and scene C (a.k.a. the bonus stage). Scenes A and B make up two halves of a full pinball machine, and they are where the player will spend the majority of the game. The player controls two pinball flippers to bounce the pinball around, as you would in a regular pinball game. If the ball slips down the hole in scene A, the game shifts to scene B, representing the bottom half of a pinball machine, which I thought was a cool touch. If the ball falls off in scene B, the player loses a ball, with a game over happening when all balls are lost.
Though the gameplay is fine enough, I take issue with the controls of Pinball. Specifically, the fact that the left flipper is controlled with the directional pad, and the right flipper can be controlled with either the A or B buttons. I find these controls unconventional for a pinball game, and I would imagine it would be more intuitive for the left and right flippers to be controlled with either the left and right d-pad buttons respectively, or A and B respectively. Considering A and B are already used to activate the striker at the beginning of the game, perhaps it would've made more sense to use the d-pad controls.
Stages
Each pinball stage has a variety of obstacles to call their own. Of course, each scene has some bumpers which bump the pinball in all sorts of directions, making its trajectory more unpredictable, keeping the player at caution. Scene A is the first scene that the player will experience upon starting the game, and I'd consider it the tamest of the lot, with few obstacles or things to try and hit. Upon entering the scene, the ball will go through one of three paths, adding either 500 or 1000 points to the total point count. There's an aisle on the very left containing a line of Pac-Man-esque pellets that score additional points, and there are slot windows in the center of the stage, which award the player the corresponding amount of points. You've probably noticed that I mention points a lot, and that's because it's the main focus of the game and its obstacles. It feels like everything is geared towards getting points and not much more (granted, points are the prime metric in these infinite-based games, but aiming for a high score gets old after a while). There's a hole on the right of the stage which launches the ball upwards, and a path on the right; but as I mentioned earlier, this stage isn't too wild compared to the others.
If the player falls down scene A, they will reach scene B. This stage has many more obstacles and is, in my opinion, more skill-oriented than scene A. It has three bumpers instead of one compared to scene A, and even more paths near the bumpers. There are additional paths on either side of the bumpers that will lead to an instant death, should the ball travel down there. However, this can be prevented - there are three eggs in the middle of the level that hatch into chicks, and if all three are hatched simultaneously, stoppers appear on either side, which bounce the ball back up if the ball touches them. They are a one-time upgrade, but I like their inclusion, as it introduces something for me to aim towards besides simply racking up points. Speaking of something to aim towards, there are five cards near the top of the stage, which are flipped over if the ball falls down their respective path. If all five are flipped over, an up-post appears in between the flippers, making the game a lot easier, as the ball won't be able to fall through the middle anymore. That, combined with the stoppers, can make the game very easy, and it will take a long time for the player to lose a life. There are also targets, which, if they are all hit, open up a goal for the ball to go through. It's very difficult to reach, though, since it's only open for a short period of time, and is in an awkward spot to reach.
Perhaps the most interesting part of scene B, though, is the hole in the top right, which leads to a whole new scene. The hole is a very hard to reach spot, but with precise aiming, can be accessed. The bonus stage isn't very pinball-like at all, resembling Breakout in gameplay more so than pinball. This is the only part of the game that actually features Mario elements, as it allows the player to control Mario and the platform that he is carrying. The goal is to hit the colored bingo lamps, as they're called, in order to make the same-numbered ones the same color, all while making sure the pinball doesn't fall below the stage. When the bingo lamps of the same number become the same color, the respective platform that Pauline (yes, she is in this game) is trapped in becomes narrower. After enough times, the platform disappears, Pauline falls off, and if Mario successfully catches her and takes her to one of the two exits, the player will earn 10000 points, and will get to do the whole shebang again. Actually freeing Pauline in one go can be very challenging, especially in Game B, as the pinball can move very fast and take some unpredictable angles. The bumpers, of course, don't help, as does the fact that the player has to keep the pinball bouncing for quite a bit before Pauline is finally freed. It's, without a doubt, the hardest part of the game.
Presentation
As with the previous games thus far, there isn't much to say about the graphics and music. The graphics are fine, as are the sound effects, even though the game lacks proper music aside from the brief opening jingle. The colors of the pinball machine do contrast well against the black background, though, making for a fun aesthetic. The game modes are the same as the previous games, with two-player mode being alternating multiplayer like with Donkey Kong and Donkey Kong Jr. On a side note, this game feels like it was geared towards multiplayer more than single player, with how the game begins with “Player 1 Start” even in 1-player mode, and “1 Up” denoting the player's number of points. That's a distinction that I haven't made with any other game thus far - even Mario Bros., which has simultaneous multiplayer, doesn't feel like it was made primarily for two players.
Conclusion
Despite the distinctions that the obstacles provide, I can't help but feel indifferent towards Pinball. The issue for me is that the goal of the game is simply to survive and rack up as many points as possible. By comparison, the previous games had additional goals to aim towards on top of collecting points - Donkey Kong and Donkey Kong Jr. were all about traversing each level and reaching the goal, and Mario Bros. is about defeating every enemy to advance to the next stage. In Pinball, though, there's nothing else to aim towards besides surviving and racking up points, which makes it blander and feels stripped down, even compared to other games of its time. Sure, you can try certain things such as reaching the bonus stage, but it doesn't achieve anything other than racking up more points. Every obstacle in the game is designed to rack up points, which isn't much fun for me without anything else to aim towards. Besides scene C, there are no new stages besides the two default ones, with no progression in difficulty either. Because of that, the game gets stagnant after a while, and I feel that it lacks replayability even more so than the other titles I've reviewed thus far. It doesn't help that its premise is so generic. This is the case with many of the NES sports games, such as Tennis and Golf - unlike something like Mario Bros., which has gameplay elements distinct to that game, pinball doesn't try to be much more than regular, standard pinball (aside from scene C, which resembles Breakout). With the exception of the bonus stage, which is hard to reach anyway, there isn't a reason to play this game over newer pinball games with more features and gameplay elements.
All in all, Pinball is simply a regular pinball game on the NES. Cutting edge for the time, maybe, but even compared to the other games that I'm reviewing here, there's simply less to note about Pinball. It doesn't really have a premise or a story, it doesn't have an objective other than racking up points, and it's particularly lacking in Mario elements or an overall identity compared to the other games on this list. Simply put, Pinball doesn't try to be anything more than pinball, perhaps with the exception of the bonus scene, and because of that, it's especially hard to go back to this game instead of just playing a newer, more refined pinball game. Despite all that, I did have fun with this game (it is a pinball game, after all), but I would be hard-pressed to go back to it after a single playthrough.
I hope you enjoyed this month's retrospective of Pinball! In the next issue, I'll be reviewing Donkey Kong 3, the final game in the Donkey Kong arcade trilogy. See you next month!
Easter Candy
It may not seem obvious at first, with larger holidays rounding out the 4th quarter in rapid succession, but springtime is a sleeper hit for seasonal snacks. Easter, Cinco de Mayo, Valentine’s Day since I guess everyone thinks winter is over the moment the wrapping paper is cleaned up, spring is an opportune time. Perhaps there’s more room to expand and experiment, as these holidays aren’t like Thanksgiving and Christmas, bound to a traditional set of warm and nutty flavors, or Halloween that leans more towards general sweetness and cheeky humor, and it is now my quest to further explore.
M&M’s White Chocolate Marshmallow Crispy Treat
Featured in Target’s rotating holiday display aisles is typically some Hershey’s or Mars shlock that has been getting watered down in creativity and wonder over the years, for a variety of valid and invalid reasons often orbiting a genuine cocoa shortage leading to ‘innovations’ like white creme and emphasis on white chocolate, but there’s no excuse in the world for a hyperfocus on dull synthetic flavors like marshmallow. Upon looking at the package more, and pulled in because it was a super early pre-holiday discount sale, the ‘crispy treat’ angle made better prospective use of marshmallow, and I guess in the Easter season it’s better this marshmallow than Peeps.
After exploding the bag all over the room because I failed to open it properly, I was amused by what the pieces looked like, far from the shiny perfect forms M&Ms tend to take. The really muted and matte pastel colors are cute, and I find how blobby and deformed all of the pieces are to be endearing; almost gives the feeling of eating aquarium rocks, but I suppose is meant to evoke colored eggshells which certainly leads to excellent intrusive thought control. The crisp is quite satisfying, more on the dry crunchy end rather than a fresher gooey Rice Krispie Treat with there being only a thin chocolate and candy coating layer that provides not much more than a colored vessel for the interior; though I suppose the current state of things with the blobby and variable shapes these all take have some pieces with either thinner or thicker layerings already. I’m not sure I’d suggest having a thicker chocolate layer would make it better as I did like the priority given to the crunch, and I’m sure all that they’d do is make that layer be nasty white chocolate. My issue with marshmallow-flavored things is it bypasses generally what I view as the major point of desire for a marshmallow is: the gooey and stickiness when warm, plush softness when cool; by no means should it be the stale sugar and touch of artificial vanilla that food companies keep churning out, uninspired. In general, this would really be better with milk chocolate as the particular sweetness that the white chocolate brings feels more candylike in a good mood and almost more acidic if it catches you wrong, though I will acknowledge that they used actual white chocolate rather than white creme which has apparently become an imperceptibly high bar to hurdle over. These are pretty good if you pop them right into the back of your mouth straight to your molars and minimize how much of it touches your tongue.
Basically, these become so much better when you have a terrible fever and runny nose that has destroyed your sense of smell and ability to taste so they just feel crispy like a better version of Sixlets.
M&M’s Easter Sundae
Honestly based on just the name alone, this is significantly more of a holiday theme than how they’ve twisted marshmallow-flavor to apply to everything in general; I’ll support puns for this specific action. In the spirit of resurrection, M&M’s Easter Sundae is actually a return of a flavor that has been gone for 7 years, reworked to be the larger-format pieces with both dark and white chocolate, rather than milk and white in the smaller pieces.
The colors are an odd choice to me, kinda darker brown, off-white, and red, leaning a bit more sinister in presentation than light and fun which I think could be fixed by altering the ratio quite a bit to skew the red color a bit more rare to evoke the cherry on top typically being a singular addition to a sundae. It’s actually stunning how there’s no special flavor to this at all. I should’ve noticed from the start when the bag says “artificially flavored” but offers no specification of what that flavor may be. I’m left to assume that the intended flavor is a basic vanilla ice cream with chocolate fudge, which isn’t a far stretch from the white and dark chocolate to begin with. What I’m not finding here is the supposed “light cherry flavor”, which bothers me in a couple ways in that they’re really redefining ‘light’ here to mean non-existent, as well as the assertion that maraschino cherries are subtle in flavor. Other reviews vary on their reported intensity of the cherry flavor, going from people claiming it’s very unmissable and openly cherry, with others saying they hardly notice it and wouldn’t have picked it up without having read the back of the package where it says so. It would’ve been a unique gimmick to have the off-white and brown pieces be the vanilla ice cream and fudge flavors, with the rare red being either an artificial cherry kick or to even be a filled piece. Mars, I’m gonna need to see more out-of-the-box thinking from you, I’m gonna need to see some wild stuff; take those risks on limited time holiday items because people are going to buy them anyways and the worst case is you discontinue it the following ear like you already do with half of them!
I will say that this is probably the best (i.e. least offensive and immediately repulsive) rendition of dark/white chocolate mixture that I’ve had, and perhaps that’s due to subtle flavoring added as opposed to something more noxious.
Anyways everyone go take Tami’s advice.
Reese’s Peanut Butter Mini Eggs Unwrapped
New for 2024 are Reese’s Mini Eggs Unwrapped, purportedly the same as their other Mini Eggs but just unwrapped as that’s the level of incremental innovation we’re working with here. I support this Unwrapped trend going on the last couple years as it is regularly a frustration receiving a bag of smaller bags that lends to recurring unwrapping and swiftly rising piles of trash to wind up with what’s ultimately a sad amount of actual treats.
These are actually really good, but there’s just something in its aura I’m not vibing with. They taste, and most importantly feel, like those little mass-produced mini peanut butter cups but just twice the length and lacking a firm edge that makes for a satisfying bite. It’s odd, I guess, for me to critique that as the intention of a Reese’s Egg and basically all other Reese’s themed shapes is a more front-loaded peanut butter experience with the softness heightened, but with these being smaller and able to be eaten in one bite it just doesn’t feel the same, feels too homogenous, feels not worth it, it feels…creamy. Thicker chocolate shell and smoother peanut butter just removes it too far from the standard idea Reese’s. This is entirely due to the way these are produced, as one side of the eggs is completely flat and ends up with a larger amount of chocolate resting at the corners, which puts it more chocolate-forward and in need of more peanut butter. Perhaps this is just me being conditioned towards the more popular Reese’s Eggs that have such a high relative volume of peanut butter, but I like what I like.
I guess at the end of the day sometimes it’s better to just shut your critical mind off and just enjoy a treat.
Reese’s Peanut Butter Creme Egg
Not the standard Reese’s Peanut Butter Egg that is the vague oval shape that every holiday now has, but rather an Easter-specific Cadbury Creme Egg offshoot by no mistake is an attempt to compete and capture the temporarily egg-crazed market. Available for sale at about $1.19, give or take, each for individual eggs exposed to the world with just a thin wrapping of foil to protect them from the gentle touch of dusting but not the damage incurred by reckless customers with grips more firm than corporate handshakes.
It’s good, but it’s not what you think of when you eat a Reese’; the chocolate layer is too thick, too soft, and what I desire from a Reese’s is that crisp outer rim. The peanut butter is also creamier, likely due to it being a Peanut Butter Creme, and doesn’t have that more dry textural quality that is highly emphasized in the more infamous Reese’s Eggs. Each bite feels like you’re just melting through it, with no classic Reese’s Cup ridge to guide you, lending to a more homogenous chocolate peanut butter feeling. Other reviews I see for this Creme Egg speak of how firm the entire exterior shell is, how you need to crack through it to get to the softer peanut butter, and perhaps I do not have that experience as I live in an area that is easily 80F year-round.
It must be said, though, that these just honestly feel absurdly pathetic when the Reese’s Mini Eggs exist at a MUCH more cost-effective rate while providing what is a pretty similar experience, with the larger offering three bites opposed to the smaller being bite-size. I guess I should be the last one surprised by a candy brand that can only change so subtly to make the largest impacts. What it does have, though, is presentation quality, and that I cannot take away, and no other form of Reese’s can really provide; unfortunately the Peanut Butter Creme Egg has a valid place in the Reese’s pantheon, and perhaps more innovation and variety will come along the way. Reese’s ornaments? Eyeballs?
Allens Scottish Shortbread
I purchased this at a Fresh Market in the wealthy side of town, immediately after a trip to Disney, so I was in the mood to spend an absurd amount of money on impulse treats, and a super cute package of shortbread on a holiday specialty display with no price marked on it at all was exactly the risk I was looking for. What made this Easter, I suppose, is the art on the package featuring a family of rabbits, illustrated by Susan Xie who appears to have a great relationship with the Allens. There’s an entire mythos for these rabbits, with all of them being members of the family, cute stories about how the recipe was passed down from Grandma Rabbit that marbles truth and fiction in a way that I can’t tell what part is real and what part is this bizarre wholesome projection that their entire brand seems to be based on. Sincere and tender love that remains marketable, good for them.
The flavor I got is Lavender, one of their many flavors infused with Harney & Sons Fine Teas through a partnership forged by shared British heritage. Four shortbread biscuits Delicate (read: subtle, hardly there) floral and tea flavors come through as you chew and savor it, noticeable due to a more muted butter taste and added sweetness from the visible sugar. Soft and crumbly, almost tender. With the right mindset and setup, this is an incredibly indulgent treat that just feels really good to be experiencing.
With that said, I did not appreciate how unevenly they broke. I’d be more inclined to dip this into something if each biscuit could snap cleanly, or came individually, but as it stands it’s quite a disaster of form-and-function and for such an aesthetically-presented box to not provide an aesthetically-presentable treat feels like an incredible betrayal. That being said, it soaked up hot chocolate really well without dissolving into slop or breaking apart further, extremely impressive at least relative to any other cookie or scone I’ve attempted a quick dunk with. The like $6 it cost me for what is effectively a thick cookie is only worth it if you value the story the Allens have perpetuated, the experience and knowledge, the small talk it helps generate, and the content to beef up a review, but I understand that the subset of the population that qualifies for that is incredibly small. I will concede that the package design alone would help to make it a charming gift in a curated basket, or as one commenter said they had done was place it at every setting around a table for a holiday, and I suspect that anyone who finds themselves in those kinds of situations would already have the inflated budget to qualify this..
Pump Street; Hot Cross Bun 60% Dark Chocolate Bar
So here I am, wandering around a Central Market just ogling all of the displays, endcaps, specialty areas, looking to find things interesting and unusual, when I come across a set of tables filled with Easter items. I knew, at this time, that my next review–this review–was going to be about Easter treats so I was just mulling it over, rolling my eyes at a single small chocolate bunny being $5, a $24 chocolate lobster, jellybeans and marshmallows priced at what I can only assume is a 14000% net profit, when I saw this. Looking at it closely with some suspicion and I finally saw–gay people!!! Not just Corporate Pride, not just a gaudy display of in-your-face barrage of tacky rainbows, but gay representation in a really commonplace normal cute everyday way that feels more comfortable and cozy, in a lovely watercolor by illustrator Jesse Brown. I can’t say that the price of $10.99 for this 70g bar sounds appealing, but with the goal in mind of wanting to get at least one thing from this table, this was a winning factor.
As the label states, Pump Street is a bakery based in Suffolk, England, that expanded into making chocolates; ‘real craft chocolate, made by hand from bean to bar using traditional methods, ethical sourcing, and all natural ingredients’. This bar is part of their Bakery Series, chocolates inspired by baked goods and bakery staples, relevant here as hot cross buns are a traditional English Christian food with connections to Good Friday, Lent, and Easter through symbolism in its flavors and, of course, the cross marked on top. The ingredients that Pump Street used to make this chocolate bar Hot Cross Bun-flavored include nutmeg, cloves, cinnamon, allspice berries, coriander seeds, mace, and Vostizza currants.
Physically soft chocolate, which I guess if you’re a chocolate snob would indicate that it’s not tempered properly to a rigidly firm snap, but I appreciate the smoother bite that allows for easier melting without biting too hard into it, which if you’re a chocolate snob is how you’d want to be tasting chocolate anyways. I did consider that maybe this was an effect of the ambient temperature in Florida households resting at a safe 75-77F which is a tad beyond the recommended temperature of 68F, but if this were the sole factor then this is how all of my chocolate would be. The currants are small and don’t get in the way much, but actually provide some kind of material to break up the potentially boring smoothness; a pleasant chewiness that brings it closer to a genuine hot cross bun textural experience. The flavor hits first as pumpkin spice, which is of no coincidence as the ingredients include all of the traditional pumpkin spices except for ginger. I extremely appreciate this being the first tasting notes given by a chocolate producer that has been anything genuinely tangible and not a hallucination induced by sniffing your own farts too hard–“Warm Spice, Currants, Brown Sugar”–those being pretty much exactly the flavors you get from this.
And they have lesbians, too!
| The 'Shroom: Issue 204 | |
|---|---|
| Staff sections | Staff Notes • The 'Shroom Spotlight • Poochy's Picks • Poll Chairperson Address • Credits |
| Features | Fake News • Fun Stuff • Palette Swap • Pipe Plaza • Critic Corner • Strategy Wing |
