International Enquisitor

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The International Enquisitor is a tabloid newspaper featured in the Game Boy comic series, starting with its second issue "It's a Small World After All". An insert in the end of the issues, the Enquisitor's headlines are often absurd and sensationalized in nature, which hides the fact that its reporting on the event of the stories is mostly accurate. The issues are illustrated with a mix of hand-drawn illustrations and edited photos of Valiant Comics staff. It has cover price of 75¢.

The Enquisitor fills the role of the interstitial gag pages featured in the other Nintendo Comic System titles.

Issue

July 20, 1990 ("It's A Small World After All")

ELVIS'S NEW DIET PLAN !
Spiritualist reveals the king's ghostly get-thin technique! Stalks by night! Mysterious crunching sounds alert psychic to Elvis's wild new weight loss program! Story on page six.

MINIATURE ALIENS STEAL SPACE SHUTTLE !
Artist's rendition based on NASA's employee vivid description ! The last thing eleven year-old Tannis Rhodes had in mind when she boarded a 747 at Newark International Airport was being hijacked by tiny aliens-- but that's just what happened! Not content with the jumbo jet, which was "too slow", the micro-menace spacemen decided to steal a U.S. Space Shuttle --- and young Tannis found herslf^[sic] off on the ride of her life! NASA employees, who refused to be identified, described (continue on page 28)

Cart of the future will run on peanut butter !
"The oil companies are out to get me" says peanut butter engine inventor Elmer Kaniff. "They'll do anything to keep my invention off the market". Kaniff, who works as a shoe salesman during the day, created his revolutionary device in his mother's basement despite after work, despite being hounded every step of the way by spies from big petroleum companies (continued on page 18)

BLOCKBUSTER !
Ancient Egyptian Hieroglyphs predict Super Bowl winners!
It's the Jets in '91 (but the ancient seers were wrong about Denver last year!)

August 21, 1990 ("Team Play")

FORMER FAT THIEF REVEALS WEIGHT-LOSS SECRETS.
Quick-witted shutterbug snapped this action photo! Your pics can = cash! Send them to the National Enquisitor.
In his "Steal-a-Meal" plan, William Henry looks the picture of health and enjoys financial stability. But it wasn't always that way. "Yeah!" says William. "About two years ago, I was a mess! I was 120 pounds overweight. That's when I invented the 'Steal-a Meal' plan. You can eat as much of whatever you want as long as you STEAL it! That certainly cuts down on impulse snacking. 'Isn't it dangerous?' you might ask? Never! The way the legal system is set up in this country, they got murderers walking around on the street. What do you think the odds are they're going to jail someone for stealing a lousy cupcake, for crying out loud?!!" (continued on page 17)

JUDGE GIVES MAN 5,000
"This is what the legal system's all about!" growls Judge Roy Bean. On the day before his retirement, Judge Roy "Hang 'em High" Bean gives William Henry 25,000 years in jail. "I'm not sure why I did it", quipped the judge. "Something about the man bugged me." (continued on page 28)

Video Game Characters Attack Navy Jet
Artist's rendition of aerial battle over South Pacific!
Are three-inch tall aliens invading our world? That's what Seaman Greg Campbell swears is happening! "I know it sounds impossible," said Campbell, "but they come out of a GAME BOY! I don't know what would have happened if SUPER MARIO hadn't popped out (continued on page 36)

Hats lined with aluminum foil can keep prying psychics from knowing YOUR secrets!
Think, think, think! (story on page 19)

Did you know...
A Rice Crispie.
That there is enough iron in a single Rice Crispie, that if it was exposed to 24,000 volts of magnetism, it will shoot through 12 inches of steel?!

October 19, 1990 ("Pipes is Pipes")

TELEPATHIC TUNA!
Gorgeous gal Sheila in telepathic communication with fish.
Sheila Pontoons, renowned psychic, has mentally communicated with several citizens of the sea! "They're very smart" says Sheila, "but I guess you'd expect that, since they're always in schools."

MONSTER ATTACKS NUCLEAR PLANT!
Nanette Hallis thought it was a typical day at work. In an amazingly short time everything went wrong. According to fellow employee Rodney McCorlde, "Everything fell apart, one after the other. This went far beyond any worst case scenario we could have dreamed up. Were still looking into it." Rodney continued, "We have reason to believe that something ALIVE was in the reactor. And, if you think that's weird, in the very heart of the reactor, we found a SUPER MARIO DOLL! How it got there is any-(continued on page 23)

New Craze Sweeps College Campuses
BOBBING FOR PIZZAS!!
Look, Ma--no anchovies!
Hey, Dude, party hearty! That's the cry that is heard across America's college campuses these days as the latest party craze sweeps the nation. It all started in Southern California last summer. "Hey, like, we dig Coke, we like our pizzas cold...so we tossed a few slices in a vat of soft drinks left over from a party. At first, we thought it was disgusting. Then, it got worse," quotes Delta (continued on page 11)

Are goldfish smarter than cats? YOU decide!
One could qualify for MENSA!!

Notes

• The International Enquisitor is a parody of the National Enquirer.