Goomba

WTF is a Goomba

Goombas are little small creatures in the Mushroom Kingdom that go around cussing at people. Goombas are acutally mutated dog shit, but Nintendo had to find a better way to censor viewers. Then they just called them rotten mushrooms.They also enjoy wearing little helmets and hats. And If you smashed one with a hammer or jumped on his head... he would flatten.

Appearance

Goombas come in a sizes and colors, but basically, they're little small guys shaped like mushrooms, except they have legs and little pissy faces on them. They have a very weak body, even a small hop onto one will probably break its rib case, puncturing its organs and killing it instantly. Goomba has had many appearances over the years, because they have an insane fashion sense. They used to go around shaving their eyebrows and covering up their mouths, then they revealed their mouths and let their eyebrows grow in Mario's third-world reign. Then when they visited Mario world they changed into an apple suit (they were using drugs at the time). Goombas have changed so much over the years; the day where Goombas are wearing thongs is not far off.

Lifestyle

Goombas are known to be very mouthy. They like going around and pissing people off. They can be found calling Mario fat, or asking Peach if they can look up her blouse. Goombas spend most of their time drinking heavily in public areas and then picking fights with people and sometimes killing people. Types of Goomba

Soon after Goombas first encountered Mario and his friends they realised they would have to be a bit more cunning if they planned to defeat Mario. Over the years many ideas were tried and new armies of Goombas were created including:

   * Spiked Goombas - The first early attempts at overcoming Mario; these Goombas wore a spiked helmet which would spike Mario in the arse if he tried his usual jumping technique. 
   * Para-Goombas - These were accidentally created in a bio-chemical accident at a Goomba research facility. These Goombas sprouted wings and could fly in from above.
   * Toaster Goombas - these goombas were supposed to toast mario to death, but found local toads and princess peach more toastier than mario. It is also extremly painful for mario when they are stomped on.
   * Micro Goombas - The initial idea was to shrink small enough to go into Marios body and attack from the inside, however they didn't manage to get quite that small so instead would hide under objects and jump out at Mario sometimes attaching themselves to him so he couldn't jump as well just like an annoying little brother or sister.
   * Hyper Goombas - Simply a Goomba that’s had a bit too much sugar, they would charge at their enemies hoping to knock them out... admittedly half the time they ran so quick they actually squished on impact. 
   * Al Queda Goombas - After the 9/11 attacks, Osama Bin laden recruited Goombas to fight Bush and his minions(Rublicoopas and Republigoombas)
   * Republigoombas - Evil and loyal supporters of the Great Warlord Bush, are sent to the front lines of Iraq to kill people with turbines. 

Famous Goombas

Over the years there were some famous Goombas. Let's share their stories.

   * Agent Goommez - Nobody knew about this dangerous form. This Goomba is heavily trained in many fields. His main objective? Kill Mario. 

In the past, this mercenary has performed many tasks. Such as the following:

   * Asassinating Kent C. Koopa. It was found out that he was involved in a leading drug ring.
   * Infiltrating the base of a gang of Koopas known as the Chainsaw Angels. None of them survived.
   * Slitting the throat of the mayor of Poshley Heights. Documents proved of his help in the murder of a lone toad.
   * Nuking Twilight Town. Over the years, it became infested with robbers and serial killers. Drugs were its strong point. Goommez didn't care about it anyway.
   * Assasinating Princess Peach. She attacked him with 1000 Toad Commandoes in the desert. Had some help from Bowser. 

Those are just a few. He works alone and has yet to be caught.

He wears a suit much like James Bond and a pair of black sunglasses.

   * Goerge W.Goomba - After a name change and major surgury, this Goomba became President of the United States.
   * Goomba Cretien - This Goomba went through minor surgery to become Prime Minister of Canada.
   * John A. Mc Goomba - Canada's first prime minister, he was actually a Goomba, but they just replaced his face in books. Canada was ashamed when he was Prime Minister.
   * George Harrigoomba - The world's first Goomba guitarist, despite the fact he has no arms. He was in the band "The Ghoombas". 

Goomba in Racial Terms

A goomba can be a slur for an Italian. It has never really caught on after the Nintendo-Snoop Dog case of 1999. Snoop metioned the term goomba in one of his raps and Nintendo sued for copyright infringment. Snoop was considered gulity and was forced to pay Nintendo 34 trillion dollars,a fraction of what he made of the song. Goomba Population

Many of the cleverest minds have compared Goombas to the commonly known animal called Lemmings. You may argue that Goombas aren't trying to get themselves killed, however if you look at the sheer number of Goombas that have died either due to their own down right stupidity or through foiled attempts to kill their arch-enemy Mario you will probably agree it would save time if they just find the nearest cliff and jump.

This is just one of roughly 27,000 Goomba graveyards. In total we reckon approximately 13.2 billion Goombas have met their end since records began, an amazing 0.5 billion of them died during a bar fight involving the Goomba King (the biggest Goomba known to man) and some guy.

Little is known about Goomba breeding habits, however to keep up with their death rates (approximately 1 every 3 seconds) they must be doing it like rabbits.