The 'Shroom:Issue 136/Fake News
Editorial
Hey everyone, welcome back to the Fake News! Hope you all enjoyed the special issue last month, and that you're generally having a good summer! Or winter!
I don't really have that much to say here this month, but hope you enjoy the issue! :)
~ MrConcreteDonkey (talk)
Section of the Month
| FAKE NEWS SECTION OF THE MONTH | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Place | Section | Votes | % | Writer |
| 1st | Cooking Guide | 27 | 36.49% | The Pyro Guy |
| 2nd | TV Tomorrow | 17 | 22.97% | Quizmelon |
| 3rd | Hot Records | 11 | 14.86% | MrConcreteDonkey |
Chanterelle
Tragedy fell over one shady bar last night as its highly esteemed singer Chanterelle mysteriously passed away. Despite the annual Killing Game antics currently taking place, a Killing Game-related death was ruled out, although suspicions were raised when a dismembered parrot was found nearby, and one bar-goer was found diligently counting sand in the nearby harbour.
Chanterelle was a gifted singer, even if she wasn't able to actually write any of her own music, something which is known to have annoyed her manager. “If she doesn't start writing her own music soon, I think I'll kill her!” he is quoted as having previously said. His comments aren't being treated as suspicious. One man known as the Master Poet expressed his sadness about her death, especially since his lyrics will now no longer have a gifted singer to sing them. However, I decided to cut his quotes out of this obituary due to the fact that I really don't like rhymes and apparently that's all he talks in.
Since her death, sales of her albums have skyrocketed, despite there being a price hike. One music shop owner, Toadette said: “Her albums never sold this good before, so I might as well actually make something from this.” Some patrons in the shop were visibly shocked after Toadette spoke, but they still decided to buy the album.
Chanterelle's funeral will be help in two weeks time. She will be buried Club 64, and it's hoped that her body being there will draw in tourists from around the world to visit the old Club where she used to sing. If not, then just have a macabre attraction in the backyard.
TV Tomorrow is back again for the summer schedule. There may be blazing sunshine at this time of year, where you could be outside basking in the warmth, but there is still quality television on, and you might as well watch it while it’s on. After all, going outside is overrated. Anyway, before I bore you with my introductory techniques, let’s get on with the top three shows of tomorrow!
Agents of S.H.R.O.O.M.
MKBC1, 10.30pm
Genre: Action/spy drama
A rival to the Koopa Troop TV’s similar show MORTON (see the May 2018 issue), this show takes the side of the Toads, following the action-packed adventures of the S.H.R.O.O.M. (Strategic Homeland Reconnaissance Organisation Of Mario). Led by Mario, playing himself, the organisation travels to a rocket launch site, where they discover a terrible plan that could potentially send the Mushroom Kingdom into chaos.
New: Chef Mario’s Luncheon Kingdom Delights
MKBC2, 7.30pm
Genre: Cooking/travel show
A spin-off of Chef Mario’s Perfect Cooking, this series documents Chef Mario (Mario in a chef’s hat) as he journeys to Mount Volbono in the Luncheon Kingdom to serve up some local delicacies. In today’s episode, Chef Mario visits the Field of Golden Turnips in the eastern region of the kingdom, before showing you how to make a Golden Turnip Stew.
Inter-Universe Beach Volleyball Championships
MKBC Sports, 11am-6pm
Genre: Sports
Coming live from the Beach Bowl Galaxy are the Inter-Universe Beach Volleyball Championships, where teams of two from both Mario and Sonic universes come together every three and a quarter years to compete for the title. Kicking off tomorrow are last time’s winners Knuckles and Yoshi as they face Mario and Sonic, who lost in the quarter-finals at the last championships.
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That’s it for the best of tomorrow’s TV. Remember - just because the weather’s hot doesn’t mean you have to ignore the television. I will now probably get criticised by parents worldwide for giving bad messages to their children. Oh well. See you next time (provided no angry parents sue me) on TV Tomorrow!
Written by: Hooded Pitohui (talk)
After last month’s detour, I am pleased to announce that I safely arrived in Marrymore. Tucked away in the shadow of Star Hill, Marrymore is the biggest destination for weddings in the Mushroom Kingdom. For what reason, Flavio does not know. I suppose that, for the working folk, this quaint resort must be the pinnacle of luxury. Of course, Flavio knows better. Being a man of culture who has experienced the finest accommodations from the aristocratic Poshley Heights to the royal Float Castle, I understand that the offerings here are, while still of high-quality, subpar compared to what a traveler of the world and tradesman such as myself can find. In truth, Marrymore is nothing more than a one-trick tourist trap which promises grandeur and a taste of the high-life to newlyweds while only delivering a cheap facade of the refined lifestyle.
I know better, though; as a Shop Scout, I must evaluate the businesses here with objectivity. Besides, Flavio is a sentimental fellow. Flavio is a man who knows that life revolves around passion, and no being has more passion than one who is in the throes of love. To come here to proclaim an eternal devotion, certainly there can be no goal nobler! Yes, even if those who make the pilgrimage here are ignorant of the finer things in life, they come with pure and admirable intent. It is the duty of Flavio to protect these pure and gentle souls, seeking to be bound in holy matrimony, by investigating the beating heart of this city. Yes, for these reasons, Flavio took on the demanding task of investigating the Marrymore Wedding Chapel.
I’ve noted before that the Marrymore Wedding Chapel has seen an incredible surge in popularity ever since reports of a cake coming to life. Much like the Tangerino Grill, the unusual rumours which have swirled around this alleged event have turned this already popular destination into one of the Kingdom’s most notable businesses. With such high demand, it should not surprise the astute among Flavio’s audience to learn that access is highly controlled, with reservations of the building and its plethora of services filled for seven months in advance. You might ask how I plan to get into this building. You say, “Flavio, even with your abundant charm and skillful negotiation tactics, you cannot possibly convince the owners to simply allow you to crash a wedding which you have no invitation to!” I can hear your cries now, but you have no need to worry. Flavio is a learned man, and a learned man always does the requisite research before embarking on important business. I have discovered that, in a homage to its roots as a small site where travelers long ago came without money or reservation to proclaim their love under the observation of the Star Spirits upon Star Hill, the Marrymore Wedding Chapel sets aside the third Saturday of each month to hold a special raffle. During this raffle, one lucky couple staying in the city of Marrymore is selected to receive a wedding of their dreams the following day, with no reservation needed. Of course, the audience gathered to watch this lucky pair cannot be planned in advance, so the doors are open to guests like Flavio. Once inside, with guests and staff alike caught up in the festive atmosphere and inebriated, I will be able to sneak off into the kitchen and observe the proceedings.
Plan in place, I arrived on Friday and simply waited for the results of the raffle to be announced at noon on Saturday. With great punctuality, the owners gathered a crowd at eleven fifty the next day to announce that a couple had been selected for the wedding. The couple were a rather dour sort, and they seemed to shrink from the spotlight. I understand that not all can be as comfortable in the public eye as Flavio, but this pair seemed uncomfortable to the point that I worried they might faint or run off in an anxious fit. Though they made a noble attempt to appear professional, their clothing betrayed their class. They were certainly poor, perhaps impoverished, souls likely have coming from one of the Kingdom’s forgotten towns in some isolated rural region. They certainly could not have much in the way of capital, or culture for that matter. As I stood with the crowd, I tried to dispel these judgemental thoughts and refocus on my plan. Flavio did not come to criticize the fashion sense of Marrymore’s visitors, but to discover just what happens in the Marrymore Wedding Chapel! Soon enough, the grim duo were ushered into the chapel, where they would stay overnight and begin preparing for their wedding. I attempted to continue on with his day, exploring what little the town had to offer, but… I could not dispel my thoughts of the couple I had seen on stage earlier that day. Even when I returned to my hotel suite, I could not rest, for my mind was preoccupied with some deep concern for the pair. What was this source of this concern? Flavio did not know. Perhaps it was instinct. Perhaps it was unfamiliar surroundings playing tricks on my mind. Whatever the case, Flavio was disturbed.
And I was still so when I awoke the next morning at six. Though the doors of the reception hall did not open until nine, I made the decision to go early. As there was no chance of my return to sleep, it seemed that the best use of my time was seeing if I might enter the chapel early so that I could begin my observations. To my pleasant surprise, most of the staff had not yet arrived, and no security barred my entrance. Upon entering, though, I came across a horrific sight. In front of my eyes, the sullen couple I had seen the day before stood with tears streaming down their faces. The young woman was slumped over in defeat, supported by a chair, and the clearly distraught gentleman had fallen upon his knees, begging the owner for something. Having not yet been noticed, I made myself inconspicuous and observed the exchange. The owner of the chapel, a youthful and clearly well-off Toad, explained to the gentleman that there was simply nothing he could do. I will spare you the details of the infuriating conversation, but I will tell you that the dispute arose because the Marrymore Wedding Chapel expected even the winners of its monthly raffles to finance their weddings, and this poor couple did not possess the means to pay for the wedding which they had won. The owner was on the verge of canceling the whole affair, and grew increasingly irate with the disheartened and desperate couple.
Of course, Flavio was enraged, and after a few moments, I stepped out and confronted the owner. I told him that he was a disgrace to his kind, a fool so focused on business that he had forsaken the passions of life. That he could even consider the finances of a couple so deeply in love and who had set out in the hopes of making their dreams reality, that he could place his regulations above a pure and true romance, the thought disgusted Flavio. Yet, I did not stop with berating this despicable excuse of a fungus. I turned to the couple, and, looking at the despair which filled their eyes, I told them that I would happily pay for the wedding so that it might go through. The owner agreed to this arrangement, and the final preparations for the wedding which had been under construction since the previous day renewed. The couple, who I could now tell clearly were Twilighters, approached me with an offer. They asked if Flavio, as the one who made their wedding possible, would have an interest in officiating it. While I knew it would prevent me from performing my duties and examining in detail the workings of the Marrymore Wedding Chapel. I could not turn down the opportunity to become a part of this pair’s passionate story. I agreed right away and hastily returned to my suite to change into more proper attire before the ceremony began at ten.
I must offer my apologies to you, the dear readers of Shop Scout, for I cannot give a full and exhaustive report on the Marrymore Wedding Chapel. Yet, for the joy on the face of the couple, who had so little yet appeared in that moment that they read their vows to have the entire universe to themselves, Flavio would trade nothing else.
Selling Out
With the increasing value of properties the market in the Mushroom Kingdom has been a great one for sellers, but not so much for buyers. Much of the younger generation has turned to rent property instead of buying due not having mushroom in their wallet. Before the Completely Real Estate Academy, Realah T. was in the same boat too and wants to do a favor for everyone where she once was. There are plenty of bad landlords and properties out there, so thanks to Realah T. ’s illustrious assistant Sereni T. we have secured some properties to deal in the new Toad Acres subdivision. These properties are managed by the son of a wealthy mogul so they are the real deal.
The subdivision is on the outskirts of the prominent Mushroom City and was purchased from the last tenants several years ago upon their retirement. The previous properties were built about 50 years ago following the rapid expansion of the former village of Shroomlock after the town’s namesake Shroomlock Sr., father of the famous detective, moved to the prestigious Toadland Yard to relocate his services. Following this many of the former residents began to emigrate to Toad Town after the village’s major source of revenue dried up. This, in fact, is what made it a seat of power in the Mushroom Kingdom. I guess all these history lessons are why Realah T. is known as Sherlock Homes.
The current properties are two-floor single-family homes modeled after the common Toad Houses scattered across the Mushroom Kingdom featuring the iconic capped red and white roof. What causes these to differ is the large sunroom on the second floor which allows these to outshine the competition. The semicircle room features wall to wall angles floor to ceiling windows, perfect for hosting parties or just an afternoon sun tanning. The automatic tinting feature will block out any nosy passersby. While the main feature of the second floor the secondary the secondary room is an undesignated space perfect for any tenant looking for a multipurpose space.
As for the first floor upon entering your eyes are drawn to the grand spiral staircase which connects the home. To the immediate right and left are the Living Room and Kitchen. The Kitchen features state of the art Castillo brand appliances, specifically a fridge and freezer combo and stove. Both are made of a stainless steel alloy which is scratch resistant and are stick resistant too, thanks to a Teflon coating. The cabinets are made of a maple wood hybrid coated with a rich stain. The countertops are made of a lovely blue granite with a 15-year lifespan before they begin to show any sort of wear and tear.
The Living Room itself while unremarkable feature a brick accent wall with a limestone fireplace which provides a remarkable contrast to the darker colors and really helps balance out the room. The dimmer switches help prepare for any sort of social situation and are provided by a brass domed light on the center of the room for when the natural lighting gets too low.
The twin bedrooms feature tall ceilings to help provide more breathing room and their floor to ceiling windows really help to assist with this and provide convenient access to the patio and spacious backyard. These properties are flying fast due to their low prices and convenient features for anyone wanting to save up before jumping to full-blown homeownership. If you do rent for more than 5 years, the owner is willing to offer the chance to some tenants to acquire the properties for themselves. Be sure to call Realah T. at (868) 259-7325 cause this is an offer you’ll really want to own
| The 'Shroom: Issue 136 | |
|---|---|
| Staff sections | Staff Notes • The 'Shroom Spotlight • Poll Chairperson Address |
| Features | Fake News • Fun Stuff • Palette Swap • Pipe Plaza • Critic Corner • Strategy Wing |
| Specials | Art Contest |
