Welcome back to another Mario Kart related special edition of the Fake News, this time concentrating on the recently released Mario Kart 8. I'm pretty busy at the moment so I can't really think of anything to ramble about in here.
Yoshi876 (talk) and his Obituaries were June's Section of the Month, with 18 votes. Ask Paper Yoshi came close, with 16 votes.
This month, I was forced to return to a previously featured shop, as my car broke down yet again. However, I was shocked to discover that Lakilarry's Kart Emporium was no more. Instead, a near identical shop called "Lakilenny's Bike Bonanza" stood in its place.
The owner of this shop explained that the owner of the previous one ran into trouble with the law, culminating in a fairly pointless car chase because, let's face it, you can't drive a Brick Block. Yet (make it happen, Nintendo).
It remains a mystery as to why the shop was called a "Bike Bonanza" as it sold pretty much anything. Can you solve this mystery? No, because there is no mystery, none of this actually happened, and you don't have nearly enough information.
Item
Image
Price
Description
Steel Driver
30 Coins
"Experience the wonder of driving a submarine - minus the radar, torpedoes, periscope and pretty much anything else that makes it a submarine."
Large Shoe
Overpriced
"Because there truly is no more attractive prospect than driving a giant shoe. I suppose driving it would probably feel like walking. Still doesn't count as exercise, though. Nice try."
Actual Shoe
£100 or something equally ridiculous
"Why am I selling this?"
Prancer
Twenty shillings
"Your very own horse-drawn carriage, provided that you can find the horses. And the carriage."
The Wrong Trousers
Fifteen slices of Wensleydale
"Could these be the right trousers for you?"
Toad Kart
10 Coins
"This kart just screams 'We ran out of unique ideas'."
Turbo Waluigi
1000 Coins
"My pride and joy."
Sport Bike
60 Coins
"Another generic bike."
Torpedo
35 Coins
"They call this a 'Spear' in the American version, for some reason. That makes no sense, it looks nothing like a spear. It's like how they call football 'soccer'. Ridiculous."
Retro Off-Road
Five ration coupons
"Now that takes me back..."
Metal Tyres
Ten gold pieces
"Tyres made of metal? Now there's a great idea!"
Pink Gold Tyres
Ten pink gold pieces
"It's funny because nobody has made this joke before."
Square Tyres
1 Coin
"Makes more sense than the Cushion Tyres, at least."
Waddle Wing
30 Coins
"Just wait until PETA sees this..."
Plane Glider
20 Coins
"This doesn't change your stats at all. It really is just a PLAIN glider."
Loads of Balloons
100 Coins
"I know this'll work, I saw it on Up."
So, keep this place in mind in case your car ever breaks down - when it does break down, you can avoid this place like the plague.
For many people who bought ‘’Mario Kart 8’’ it was a great shame to them that Queen Bee, or the Honey Queen, wasn’t in it. This is unfortunately due to her death. The Queen died at the ripe old age of 4. Official drone bees said that the cause of death was an assassination by an assassin so a new heir could rise to the throne natural causes. Doctor bees said that they found traces of poison in her system, but after a visit they said that there was an error with their measurements.
This caused a great disharmony within the racing community and caused organisers to go into turmoil, our only chief reporter went over to investigate. “We are deeply saddened by the loss of Queen Bee, we’re just glad that it didn’t happen during one of the races, those fees we have to pretend to pay out are through the roof. We have come up with a plan though, we shall create a being that does not live and cannot die out of this rare metal we have found.” Others were strangely happy by Queen Bee’s death, one such person was Bugaboom. “Very happy with this news, not only does this mean that the Honeyhive Galaxy is open for me to invade again, which I’m not going to do of course… But it also means that with that fat lump out of the way I might get a spot on the next ‘’Mario Kart’’ roster.”
In the aftermath of Queen Bee’s death the Honeyhive Galaxy entered a cycle of mourning, however due to the short life cycle of a queen bee they decided that it wasn’t worth being too hung up on. A new queen bee went to the throne, she declined the opportunity to race, due to having a bad itch. Race organisers planned to have a race to remember Queen Bee, but decided that high race highlights were good enough, although they forgot to include them, and the Bumble V.
Big thanks to Koopartol Brick Block (talk) (Forum profile) for asking questions, as well as to our Anonymous readers! If you seek my flawless advice, please send questions to me on the forum, find me in chat, or if you don't care about anonymity post them on my talk page!
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