Bedtime for Drain-Head

The cover art.

Bedtime for Drain-Head is an issue of the Nintendo Comics System featuring Mario.

Plot

The story begins with Mario laying in bed after having spent 72 straight hours reading his favorite comics, Dirk Drain-Head. He moans that he'd do it all over again if he could before falling straight to sleep. But as soon as he dozes off, Luigi rushes in with disturbing news: Toad has been kidnapped by Bowser! Mario tells him to "write a strongly-worded letter to the Mushroom Times... In the morning". Luigi tells Mario he has ten minutes to get out of bed and stalks out. Eight minutes later, outside Mario's room, Luigi walks up with a plunger, bucket of water and an alarm clock. He and Princess Toadstool walk into Mario's room, Luigi telling her that this could "get ugly". But lo and behold, Mario's up... but he announces "You're mistaken, my friend, I am Dirk Drain-Head!!!!'

Luigi tells the Princess about Mario's sleepwalking habit, but neither of them notice the fact that he is going out the window with his sheets as a rope. The Princess and Luigi find Mario's comic books all over the castle, and decide that they'd better just stay home, as Mario will be fine... as long as he doesn't think he's rescuing Dirks' "teenage comedic sidekick" Snakey. Meanwhile, Mario is traipsing about on clouds in the sky, all the while calling Snakey's name a total of eight times, ending with "it's all my fault!" He somehow manages to avoid the Snifits swarming about him, bumping off a few. Luigi and Toadstool seem to have changed their minds, as they are now coming after Mario.

Mario is now inside Bowser's Castle, and smacking away Sparkies while droning "You must understand, my dire-yet-tragic foes, it is not you I am personally going after. Bigger things are at stake here. With awesome power comes better-then-average responsibility. The question of my purpose, I must struggle on...". One of the Sparkies comments "He'll talk like this all day if you let him". Luigi and Toadstool are walking up to Bowser's home, amidst wreckage of Flurries, green Cobrats, and Bob-ombs. Suddenly, they are met by a stream of baddies coming out of the castle. They tell the two that "Luigi's brother" fights dirty, and they're telling Bowser. Luigi is a bit embarrassed about all the damage Mario has caused, and wonders how much trouble they're in with Bowser.

Mario has just knocked out a Birdo, who gives him exact directions to Bowser ("Koopa, third door to the left. Watch that third step. It's a lulu.") Mario comes to Bowser's door, which has stickers like "I got rich selling mold. Ask me how." Toad is smart-mouthing Bowser, (who wants to catch his dad on "The Kingdom's Most Wanted") when Mario knocks down the door with Dirk's catchphrase "It's Plungin' Time!" Toad asks Mario not to call him that, as that's "the kind of name that might stick!" as Mario as Bowser put up their dukes.

Luigi and Toadstool weren't even able to find Mario, Toad, and King Koopa, but when they get back, they're in for a surprise! Bowser is serving the Mushroom King, Wooster, and Toad "grape sodas with little paper umbrellas". It turns out Mario has, well, beaten Bowser rather badly, and Koopa has decided to make a truce to avoid any further conflict. The King slaps Mario heartily on the back, enough so that he wakes up! Koopa, realizing that he was captured single-handedly by a sleep-walking plumber, storms off, and so do all the others. Mario, however, makes the best of it by reading the comic book he hid in the royal throne.
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