The 'Shroom:Issue 117/Critic Corner

Director's Notes

Written by: Hypnotoad (talk)

Hey guys, welcome to Critic Corner's Decemberbration Celebratory Celebration Celebratathon! Here we have what's pretty much a standard issue but with a concerted effort to have a vaguely common theme! Wow!! Festive!!!

On another front, I asked for donations last month in memory of Walkazo (talk) to send to Tommy Thompson Park Bird Research Station and I am proud to say that we reached our pledged goal and exceeded it to a complete total of $1000. Thank you everyone who helped out!

Thank you for everyone who voted my Half-Baked Reviews to be Critic Corner's Section of the Month again! As always, thank you for reading and be sure to vote!

Section of the Month

Critic Corner SECTION OF THE MONTH
Place	Section	Votes	%	Writer
1st	Anton's Half-Baked Reviews	8	34.78%	Hypnotoad (talk)
2nd	Lord Bowser's Inside Story	4	17.39%	Lord Bowser (talk)
2nd	Marioverse Reviews	4	17.39%	PowerKamek (talk)
3rd	Graphic Novel Reviews	2	8.70%	FunkyK38 (talk)
3rd	Character Review	2	8.70%	Yoshi876 (talk)
3rd	Yoshi876's Monthly Thoughts	2	8.70%	Yoshi876 (talk)

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Reviews

Lord Bowser's Inside Story
Lord Bowser (Talk)

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Wow, LB wrapped up his section for you all to unwrap!
[read more]

Character Review
Yoshi876 (Talk)

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Dr. Freezegood or Dr. Freezebad? Read what Yoshi876 has to say!
[read more]

Meta Knight's Boss Battle Reviews
Meta Knight (Talk)

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Brrring me some hot chocolate, I'm freezing!
[read more]

Marioverse Reviews
PowerKamek (Talk)

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Rush on in to see PowerKamek's review of the new Mario Party!
[read more]

Movie Reviews
Yoshi876 (Talk)

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Nothin' says "winter" more than taking a dip in the cool blue sea.
[read more]

Opinion Pieces

Yoshi876's Monthly Thoughts
Yoshi876 (Talk)

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Too busy shopping? Yoshi876 will help keep you in-the-know.
[read more]

Anton's Half-Baked Reviews
Hypnotoad (Talk)

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Experience holiday food without having to actually see anyone thanks to Anton!
[read more]

Lord Bowser's Inside Story

Written by: Lord Bowser (talk)

Greetings, 'Shroom readers. This is Lord Bowser here with an extra-special edition of Lord Bowser's Inside Story! Last issue, I promised to cover a notorious postgame challenge; since this is the special Christmas issue, I’ll be fulfilling that promise in a big way by forcing myself to witness all of the """""fun""""" postgame challenges in the ever so divisive Super Paper Mario!

Please note that I will be merciless throughout my review of this game, which will include heavy swearing, so if you are offended by such things, look away now while you’re still safe.

Prologue

PROLOGUE A Writer's Sacrifice After getting through the tryhard plot and beating the main game, ‘’Super Paper Mario’’ presents you with a bunch of tacked-on padding (I mean postgame stuff) to try to make itself not seem as big a waste of money as it is. These extra fun things to do include completing the Catch Cards log, completing the Maps log, beating the Duel of 100 in Sammer’s Kingdom, and beating the Flipside and Flopside Pits of 100 Trials. Since trying to do all of these tasks is enough to deplete any normal person’s sanity, I’ll be taking the hit for you readers by reviewing them all. I’ll start with the least aggravating of the lot, then progress from there. Let’s wrap up this bumbling intro and get on with the main attraction!

Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1 Trashure Hunting The Maps are arguably the least problematic of the postgame challenges, but that doesn't mean that they're actually good. Basically what you need to do with them is; Go all the way down to Flopside B1 Find Flamm, the Flimm ripoff (who's also a Charlieton ripoff) Buy maps from him for often ludicrous prices Go to wherever the fuck the map tells you to go to, often making you go out of your way to some remote location deep inside the level Use Fleep somewhere on that X spot Look in disappointment at the mediocre prize you've just received Repeat this entire process until all 48 maps are completed What I dislike about the maps is that the majority of them are just Catch Cards of random NPC's and bosses, but decided to make them be available this way to try and pad this game some more instead of making them available in shops or something. While I guess I can understand their reasoning for the boss cards, I'm really not interested in many of the NPC cards, especially since I simply don't care about the NPC's on them. For example, Map 2 gives you a Welderberg card. Yeah, the game has a card for a guy who literally adds nothing to the story and just makes shortcuts for you. I particularly dislike Map 11, since you need to travel a fairly long distance in order to get to its location, shown at left. It's found at the end of Chapter 1-4, which isn't really a bad level, just tedious. When you finally get there, you receive a card of likely the most annoying NPC in the game, Merlumina. The fact that you need to come all the way out here for a card of the character with Excellent Dialogue™ and Super Fun Filler™ aggravates me to no end. Some maps give you items that really aren't very necessary at the endgame, such as Gold Bars and Ultra Shroom Shakes, and some maps just fucking troll you by giving you a shitty card or item that you could've just gotten on your own. A prime example of this stupidity is Map 17, shown to the right. As you can see, it's found in one of the bathrooms at the end of Chapter 2-4, and costs 50 coins. You have to spend both a fair amount of money and time in order to reach this spot, so you're likely thinking that the prize is good, except it's not. The prize for this map is... a fucking Dried Shroom. Yes, you read that right. The game made you waste 50 coins and go all out of your way through an annoying maze level in the worst chapter of the game, just to give you one of the worst items in the entire game. I really don't understand the developers' thought process when making this particular map. Why would any competent game designer devise a sidequest which costs both money and time to just irritate the player with an abysmal """"prize""""? Was one of the developers having a shitty day and wanted to vent through this? Were the developers trying to create a sense of risk? Are the developers just sadists? Regardless of their reasoning, shit like that does not make the game fun in any way, nor does it make the player want to continue with siequests like that; it does the exact opposite, because why would anyone want to waste their time completing sidequests knowing that the prize will be disappointing? What makes this worse is that this is not the only map that does this; Map 26, shown on the right pulls a similar stunt. The map costs 70 coins, and the marked location is found in Chapter 4-2, at the very end of the planet. Again, pretty big distance and price. The prize? What makes this horrible excuse for a prize particularly grating is that those exact same enemies are found earlier in the level. This means you can simply buy a Catch Card for a much cheaper 20 coins (or find one in the overworld; they're everywhere) and use it on them, instead of having to do this completely unnecessary padding shit. And just to add insult to injury, the sell price of the Hooligon card is two coins. This map is just... ugh. I can't even explain how absolutely infuriating some of these bullshit maps are. Finally, Map 48 is just... well, I'll let the picture at left explain it for you. Clearly it's somewhere in Chapter 8, but... where? This location could be pretty much anywhere in the entire chapter. I understand since it's the last map, it's bound to be a tough one, but this is really pushing it. When I first saw it, I literally spent an hour combing through the entire chapter to try and find it, and in retrospect I would've kicked myself for bothering with this one at all. The prize is a Count Bleck card at least, so it's valuable to some I guess? But it's hardly worth it for how cryptic this map is. In case you were wondering, it's found in the the very last room of Chapter 8-4, meaning that you have to go through that entire annoying stage again in order to get this card. Now that I've covered the maps in the game, it's time for me to give them an overall rating. The Maps of Super Paper Mario receive a... 6.0/10 (D-) Many of these maps are just annoying and pretty much all of them give you unnecessary, mediocre, or just plain bullshit prizes. This is a pretty lousy attempt at padding by the developers, and it's rather disappointing overall. However, we're not finished with this section. I still have a lot to cover for you all, and keep in mind that this is going to be the highest score I will give throughout the whole section, so buckle up and enjoy watching me suffer. Onto the next chapter!

Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2 Sammer Guys Make Me Sammer Cry As people who have played Super Paper Mario would know (and those who don't are extraordinarily lucky), Chapter 6 is mercifully destroyed during the main game. After beating the final boss, however, Chapter 6 is restored to its former "glory" and the player can access it again normally. However, that doesn’t mean that it was worth the delay. If the player returns to the door leading to the chapter again, they’re ever so pleasantly greeted by the guy on the left. He then goes on to explain that the Duel of 100 has been reinstated within the kingdom, and tells you that you must defeat all 100 Sammer Guys to receive a big prize from King Sammer himself. You then battle him, and the process is basically this; (I don’t want to do anything involving tentacles with you…) Now imagine repeating all six of the above steps 100 times, with very little variation. That’s the Duel of 100 for you. The only thing that really changes is the background of the level and the quotes, but the rest of the ride is one ridiculously boring and tedious playthrough, because you’re just doing the same thing over and over without any breaks in between. Some people praised the “humor” found among the Sammer Guys, and while I do have to give credit to the developers for at least trying to set them apart, most of the attempts at humor really aren’t too funny. For example, take Thousand-Year Roar, who you fight at the 22nd gate. His tattle reads as follows; “That's Thousand-Year Roar, one of King Sammer's legendary Sammer Guys… He spends weekend mornings sipping coffee and quietly reading the paper…” —Tiptron Err… okay? Am I supposed to chuckle at the fact that this guy does completely normal things? Is life itself a comedy? What was the point of this? I really struggle to see the value in including a quote like that, because it simply lacks any value. You might as well have not given that guy a tattle, since I would’ve gotten the same kind of information; completely useless and forgettable. The rest of the tattles, battle quotes, etc. aren’t very much more than references to other Mario games or dry attempts at humor. For example, Dances with Turtles (which is admittedly a good name), guardian of the 31st gate, has a tattle that reads like so; “That's Dances with Turtles, one of King Sammer's famous Sammer Guys… He's not very tech savvy. Any machine with buttons sends him into a panic…” —Tiptron I guess that could be seen as potentially funny, but it’s kinda ruined because it’s a really irrelevant tattle to give to a guy like that. If it was like a metallic Sammer Guy or just one with any form of electronics, it would be mildly amusing since it’d be ironic, but here it’s just random and out of place. On the topic of variable Sammer Guys, that’s another place where the game falls flat. While the developers tried to set them apart with small bits of flavor text, the same doesn’t apply to their physical appearance. All 100 Sammer Guys are basically one of these three… ...with some recoloring here and there, sometimes a spike, and sometimes a different weapon. While sometimes you can even get a rainbow Sammer Guy, it's not too impressive when all of them are limited to only those basic templates. I feel like the Duel of 100 could’ve been a great opportunity to throw in some one-off moments of wit and humor, or just some silly designs for some of the weirder Sammer Guys, but the developers didn’t fully take advantage of that opportunity, just leaving it to be a tedious and forgettable challenge. And then comes the end of the challenge itself. First, you’re treated with a rather grating statement from King Sammer. I fucking swear, it’s like the developers knew how boring this shit was and decided to rub it in our faces. Then he promises to grant you his "greatest treasures". Sounds cool, right? I mean, for the ruler of a kingdom to say something like that, it’s bound to be something amazing, right? … The big royal treasure… is fucking Catch Cards. I mean, at least they’re of the partners from TTYD, but… really??? The prize for going through this monotonous pile of bullshit that takes at least an hour to do… is seven Catch Cards??? This is just so disappointing in so many ways. Anyway, the final score for the Duel of 100 is… 5.5/10 (F) The Duel of 100 is basically Super Paper Mario's version of the Glitz Pit, except far longer, far more tedious, far less fun, and just overall disappointing. There was so much wasted potential in this challenge to set it apart; the developers could’ve given each Sammer Guy a distinct personality, or have some wear special outfits, have special attacks, just have something to make them stick around in the player’s head… but this gold mine of creativity was sadly overlooked. The Duel of 100 really could’ve been done much better in the hands of other developers, but we were unfortunately left with this half-assed version of the Glitz Pit. Anyway, it’s time for us to move on to the next chapter.

Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3 The Pitfalls to My Sanity We’ll now move on to the Pits of 100 Trials. Yes, you read that right. There are two Pits of 100 Trials in Super Paper Mario, because we all obviously loved the one in TTYD so much. Anyway, the first one is named the Flipside Pit of 100 Trials, obviously located in Flipside. It’s found at the very bottom of the town, and at least some preparations beforehand are needed in order to complete the pit with the lowest amount of sanity loss. The Pits here are completely different from the one in TTYD; instead of having to beat one group of enemies per room in a turn-based battle, you need to find the key hidden in a random enemy in the room. Unfortunately, there are no Movers or vendors to be found in between every tenth floor, making the Pit even more monotonous and sadistic than it already was. As is to be expected, the first floors are quite simple; you got your standard Goombas, Koopas, Squiglets, and the like. I do have to give props to the background and general style of the pit, as shown in the picture; it’s nice to look at, and the monochromatic style is a good throwback to the Game & Watch games. However, aesthetics alone aren’t nearly enough to save the player from general boredom while fighting through the pit. Virtually the whole challenge can be cheesed pretty hard using Bowser and basically any Pixl available to you, but Carrie or Barry are particularly effective; this essentially removes the already low amount of challenge this pit provides. Similarly to TTYD, every tenth floor in the pit contains a pipe which returns the player to Flipside, and a treasure chest containing… yup, you guessed it; everyone’s favorite Catch Cards! Jesus, with how much this game loves to reward you with these things, you’d think they’re worth solid gold, but most of them won’t even sell for more than about 200 coins. There’s also the occasional vendor Flimm, who can sell items such as Ultra Shroom Shakes; however, with how expensive they can get here (up to 600 coins), it's not even remotely close to being worth it, seeing how incredibly easy this pit is. There’s also unlucky bullshit that can randomly happen throughout the pit, such as the last enemy in the room being the one holding the key, the enemy holding the key being an Amazy Dayzee, or my personal least favorite, walking out of a pipe right into an enemy. Seriously, why does that happen??? You’re just walking through a pipe to quickly travel to the other side of the room (which was admittedly a nice touch), and then you just get a faceful of Paragoomba. It’s unavoidable, thankfully small, but just highly frustrating damage that we’re forced to take because “oh no, we didn’t go into the pipe at exactly the right time”! How the fuck is anyone supposed to know if there’s an enemy right there, if it’s literally on the other side of the room, completely out of our view? It just feels like a middle finger from the developers… Anyway, 100 mind-numbingly boring rooms later, we reach the end of the pit, where we’re greeted by this familiar face. Super Paper Mario; the game that never gets tired of enemy recolors. Anyway, the boss of the Flipside Pit of 100 Trials is Wracktail, a souped-up version of Fracktail, the Chapter 1 boss. This is a callback to TTYD, as Bonetail was the boss of the pit there, who was a souped-up version of Hooktail, the Chapter 1 boss of TTYD. In stark contrast to Bonetail, however, Wracktail offers literally no challenge. All you need to do to beat him is use Luigi’s Super Jump on its antenna; provided you don’t move, you will score all of the hits needed to defeat him almost immediately. The most you’ll have to do is jump over to Wracktail’s head again when he flies offscreen, but the actual “fight” against him is arguably even more of a pushover than the entire pit itself. This was honestly a very disappointing final fight. After beating Wracktail within likely a minute or two, he’ll go on about how the Flopside Pit of 100 Trials has been opened, and then you get awarded with even more Catch Ca- Oh. Wow. I was so used to receiving Catch Cards as prizes at this point that getting anything else was genuinely surprising. Even Luigi seems to be surprised at this sudden turn of events. You know a game is bad when a small event, such as this, turns out to be more shocking than the entire game’s flimsy plot. Anyway, the reward for beating the Flipside Pit of 100 Trials is the Pixl, Dashell. This guy is actually a pretty useful Pixl, as he allows you to dash pretty quickly when holding down the button. I wish it was just naturally in the game, but this isn’t actually too bad a prize for the pit. Definitely better than Catch Cards at least. Now it’s time to move on to the Flopside Pit of 100 Trials. Again, it’s reached the same way as the Flipside version, just in Flopside obviously. Fundamentally, the Flopside pit is the same as the Flipside pit, except all of the enemies are black silhouette versions of regular enemies, as shown in the picture; my theory is that the developers ran out of recolor ideas and just decided to be lazy this time around. These dark versions of enemies are much stronger than their regular counterparts, having much higher HP, attack, and defense stats. You can probably imagine just how much more Fun™ and Exciting™ that makes this pit compared to the Flipside version. The same flaws that applied to the Flipside version of the pit also apply to the Flopside version (though the severe lack of challenge has turned to a bullshit difficulty spike), so I’ll skip straight to the pit’s final boss. When we get to the 100th floor, we’re greeted by this; what what what WHAT WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SHIT?! THE PLAYER HAS TO DO THIS… TWICE?!?!?! This is probably one of the most transparent attempts at padding I have ever seen. I honestly can’t believe the developers would even think of pulling this shit. This makes the General White chase look enjoyable. This makes the Maps look fun. This makes me rather play the main game again. Why would any competent game designer arbitrarily do this besides wanting to pad their short game? I would be less harsh if this was made by an indie or a new developer, but this is Nintendo we’re talking about. Like it or not, Nintendo is a top-tier game developer, and to see them downgrade to this… it’s just saddening. I would’ve honestly preferred they made a third pit than just having us redo this pit for absolutely no reason. Not only is this blatant padding, it’s extremely lazy padding at that. One could argue that Super Mario Galaxy did the same thing, and while the Luigi mode there is essentially the same, there are a few small variations that makes it not a complete carbon copy of the Mario mode; the same cannot be said here. The second run is not similar; it is exactly the same. Same exact layout, same exact enemies, same exact everything. You don’t even get a new treasure at every tenth floor; if you opened the chests in the previous run, they remain open and you can’t collect any new ite- I mean, Catch Cards. There are no new secrets, no new enemies, not even new backgrounds. It’s just… ugh. Moving on from my angry tirade, the boss of the pit is Shadoo. It’s just silhouette versions of the four main heroes, because doing anything more than that would probably require effort on the developer’s part, something they seem to lack. They all have 100 HP and at least 10 attack power, making it an actually somewhat difficult battle for those who are unprepared. Of course, you can always cheese it by just standing in the corner as Bowser and breathing fire, as shown in the picture. Man, I really am embarrassingly overpowered… Anyway, after another fairly short fight, you get rewarded with… woah. That really is a lot of chests… Are we finally being properly rewarded for suffering through this clusterfuck of a game? Have the developers regained their sanity? Did they actually make suffering through the pit twice… worth it??? No. Every single chest contains a card. They’re of the four main heroes and their dark counterparts, but that doesn’t matter when they’re just godforsaken Catch Cards. The heroes’ cards permanently double everyone’s attack power, but since this is very late in the very easy game, that hardly makes a difference. You really gotta wonder just what was going on in the developers’ heads when they gave a better prize to the easier pit… Anyway, thank God that’s over with. The final score for the Flipside and Flopside Pits of 100 Trials is… 4.5/10 (F-) Let’s face it; the pits suck. The first one is incredibly easy, the second one is pure bullshit, and they’re just overall tedious to get through, not to mention the prizes inside (minus Dashell) are worth jack shit. I just want to get off this subject already, so let’s move on to the final chapter.

Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4 I’d Rather Catch the Flu Finally, we’ll be covering the Catch Card log. With how much Catch Cards get rubbed in our faces throughout the entire game, it'd be silly of me to ignore them. I'm hardly exaggerating; the vast majority of the prizes found in all three of the previous sections have been Catch Cards, and with there being 256 cards in the game, it's obvious that the developers wanted us to try and collect them all. If only they had any real value... There are Catch Cards for basically every character in the game, excluding minor NPC's such as the Flipside/Flopside townsfolk. Cards of non-invincible enemies can be obtained by using items known as... Catch Cards. Love the creativity there. Anyway, Catch Cards function in a rather disturbing way, as the description for them explains that they work by "capturing an enemy's soul, if it works". I'm most concerned with the "if it works" part of the description; what happens if the process fails? Is the enemy's soul just separated from it? Is the enemy even aware of its actions past that point? Does the enemy feel pain during all of this? ...Actually, how do Catch Cards of living NPC's (and even the main heroes) exist if it's said that Catch Cards capture the target's soul? Are the real characters trapped inside the cards, and the "characters" we see in game... including ourselves... merely illusions or copies...? And how did people manage to get cards of the partners from Paper Mario and TTYD, if they presumably exist in different dimensions...? Is there just some kind of soul-snatching, interdimensional monster out there, just whipping out these demonic cards on their poor, unwitting victims and removing their very essence of life? Someone strong enough to overpower Peach, Mario... even Bowser...? And do the people who collect these cards even know that the victim's very soul is trapped in there, and that it's not just a picture? Jesus, this is more unsettling than the main story. Anyway, you're supposed to use Catch Card items on enemies in order to obtain their cards, but simply buying the cards from card shops often turns out to be a much faster (albeit more expensive) way to fill up the log. The card shop in Flipside, shown on the left, sells "Card Bags" (essentially random unknown cards) for 10 coins apiece; a godsend for those with a barren card log. The card shop in Flopside, shown on the right, sells "Caught Cards" (cards of a specific enemy/character) for varying prices depending on the rarity of the card in question. These two shops also sell Catch Card items (along with Catch Card SPs, which have a higher success rate), but it's pointless when you can just buy the cards themselves, often at a lower price than the card items. This essentially devolves "The Unofficial Great Catch Card Log Sidequest" into money grinding, because if you complete the maps, the Duel of 100, and both pits, you can leave virtually the entire rest of the log blank and still be able to fill it up by only buying cards. To make matters worse still, there are some cards (such as the Toad card) that can only be found in shops. Hooray, relying on RNG to complete an extensive log! This is like Pokémon, except Pokémon is actually enjoyable. There are only a few cards that haven't been mentioned yet that require you to complete a specific task, and most of those are bullshit. For example, take the Mega Koopa and Whacka cards. Neither of them can be obtained using a Catch Card item or by looking in either shop; you must attain a certain amount of Shop Points from any shop in order to be rewarded with them. This doesn't sound too bad until you realize just how many points you need in order to receive these cards; 100 and 300 respectively. I guess 100 Shop Points can be naturally received in game, especially if the player does a lot of prep work for things such as the pits or the Duel of 100, but 300 Shop Points is just plain ridiculous. You'll need to buy things over and over constantly in order to reach 300 Shop Points quickly, and in the end it's hardly worth a little picture accompanied by a few lines of flavor text. On the topic of flavor text, some of the rarer cards have some pretty underwhelming descriptions, especially considering what you have to do in order to obtain them. All of the dark hero cards (minus the Mario one, but it's hardly much different), follow this exact format; "It's a dark duplicate of [character]! One of the last foes in the Flopside Pit of 100 Trials." That's it. There's no explanation of how or why they were created, no backstory, no explanation as to why they decided to pull that fucking bullshit explained in Chapter 3, nothing. All we get is information that literally anyone with a functioning brain could figure out. The sad thing is that this isn't even disappointing to me anymore; I've come to expect shit like this from the game at this point. Another example of bad flavor text is Thoreau's card. The description there reads this; "This handy Pixl can pick things up and throw them. He's very...handy." Repeating the same cliché joke in only two sentences is quite poor writing. It seems to me that the writers tried to hide the fact that they couldn't think of anything better for this description by adding in the ellipsis (...) to make it seem like a "ha! get it???" moment, but it's pretty damn easy to see through that. Lastly, a lot of the prices for selling these cards are pretty out of whack. Some enemy cards are arbitrarily deemed rarer than others, even though they might not even be the strongest in their enemy family. For example, take the Jawbus family. Their cards are shown below, in order of number; The sell prices are 12 coins for the Jawbus card (the first one), 18 coins each for the Dark Jawbus (third) and Gawbus (fourth) cards, but then 48 coins for the Rawbus (second) card. I really don't see any reason why the Rawbus card was made more valuable than the other cards, especially since it's not a particularly hard to find enemy and it's the second weakest in its family. The same thing happens in a more extreme fashion with the dark hero cards. It may seem like I'm harping on them a lot, but it's not only because I'm still heavily salted over the Flopside pit; there are some noticeable flaws among the cards. Anyway, they're shown below in order of number; The Dark Mario, Luigi, and Bowser cards are all worth 350 coins apiece, which seems like a pretty nice sum of money until you realize that the Dark Peach card is worth almost double the amount, selling for a whopping 630 coins. There is absolutely no valid reason as to why the Dark Peach card is randomly worth nearly double the amount of all the other cards, since they're all awarded to the player at the same time; the only reasons I can think of is that the developers simply liked the Dark Peach card more. Anyway, it's time for me to give the Catch Card log a rating. The final score for the Catch Card log is... 4.0/10 (F--) Considering the vast amount of work needed to complete the Catch Card log (needing to complete the Maps log, having to do the Duel of 100, having to do both pits, and seemingly endlessly grinding for money), the final product is very unsatisfying when it basically turns out to be small bits of disappointing flavor text. The worst part of it is that there's absolutely no acknowledgement whatsoever throughout the entire game that you've completed the log; no new character comes to congratulate you, no special "Congratulations!" screen, not even a star or something on the log. It's as if you did nothing, as if the cards didn't exist in the first place. The only thing one could possibly get out of this is bragging rights, but who would go on and blab to their friends, saying something along the lines of "hey guys i got all the catch cards in super paper mario lol im so good"? It's just infuriating that we have to go through so much work for absolutely no reward. This may not have been an official sidequest, since no one in-game explicitly said so, but with Catch Cards serving as prizes being a recurring trend, it's clear that the developers intended it to be. The problem is that there's an unspoken rule that completing sidequests will give you rewards; all of the other sidequests seen in this section do that (albeit poorly), minus this one, which is definitely the biggest one of them all. It's just pretty shitty of the developers to not give us some kind of recognition for doing this, since that would've made it at least slightly worth it.

Epilogue

EPILOGUE My Last Words Well, that's it for this month's special edition of Lord Bowser's Inside Story. I just wanted to take this small part to give a special thanks to anyone and everyone who helped make this section come alive. I would like to heartily thank the following people; Hypnotoad (talk) - Our very own Critic Corner director, he helped me with images and coding while putting this section together. Gabumon (talk) - Served as an inspiration for some of the commentary found throughout this section, especially his hilarious Let's Play of Super Paper Mario. James Rolfe's character, The Angry Video Game Nerd - Served as additional inspiration for this section's commentary. YouTubers KoopaKungFu, NintenU, and Capitalist for providing gameplay screenshots. You, the readers of the 'Shroom. I went all out this time around for your entertainment, as I was delighted to see positive feedback on my previous sections. I would also like to announce that I will be taking requests for any Mario games you would like to see be covered by me. However, please note that requesting a specific game does not guarantee that it will be covered that month, especially if your request is submitted late; both my own personal discretion and deadlines will apply. You can request a game, send me hate mail, or just say "Hi!" either on my talk page or by PM on the forums. And with that out of the way, this has been Lord Bowser, signing out. Stay tuned for the next issue, and may you have a wonderful Christmas and a happy New Year!

Character Review

Written by: Yoshi876 (talk)

Dr. Freezegood

How does he even strap himself in to the skis?

The Yoshi series is always different from the main Mario series, and for the most part our favourite dinosaur always encounters a wide variety of different enemies to fight than our usual heroes. The ice world is no exception, and for our Christmas Character Review™, I have decided to review the skiing monstrosity, Dr. Freezegood.

I enjoy snowmen being the villains in games, a small twist on a child's classic snow-filled dreams, and the design for the Dr. Freezegoods is certainly unique. This is definitely the brainchild of the designer who sits in the corner of the studio shouting random things, because no sane person could come up with a fez-wearing, skiing snowman, and no I don't think this is particularly a bad thing. World 4 of Yoshi's Island didn't have any interesting enemies, but World 5 just chucked them at you.

That is where my praise ends, however. Other than that, Dr. Freezegoods have nothing going for them. It's difficult to really class them as enemies, as they're motionless unless on a ski slope, so it seems more like you're in their way, rather than them purposefully trying to injure Yoshi. They end up being a mere annoyance due to them hogging the ski lifts. Their appearance in Yoshi's New Island has them doing the exact same thing. Their name also bugs me, Dr. Freezegood should be the name of a boss character, not a generic enemy, and in all honesty a snowman boss in Yoshi's Island would have been amazing, so it's annoying that this was overlooked.

Dr. Freezegood sounds great on paper, but in practise is severely disappointing. Snowmen enemies are still entertaining, but I can't wait until Spring for this one to melt away.

Meta Knight's Boss Battle Reviews

Written by: Meta Knight (talk)

Hello everyone and welcome to this month's boss battle review! It's the holiday season, so naturally everyone is going to have winter/Christmas themed sections (I totally wasn't hypnotized by Anton to make mine Christmas themed). So let's take a look at a boss in Super Mario Galaxy. This boss is located in the Freezeflame Galaxy. It's time to take a look at Baron Brrr!

All Ice Mario needs to do is spin and Baron Brrr will be vulnerable to an attack.

Baron Brrr is found in the mission of, unsurprisingly, The Frozen Peak of Baron Brrr. In this mission, Mario must hone his skills with the Ice Flower to scale the large mountain. At the peak of the mountain, Baron Brrr awaits, and there will be a cutscene where he shoots ice balls at you. After his introduction, the fight begins.

His attacks are generic. All he does is throw ice balls at you, and they're incredibly easy to dodge. I like how you have to actually get to him first, but it doesn't provide a whole lot of challenge. For first time players, getting up to the top of the mountain is probably more difficult than actually making it to Baron Brrr himself. Anyway, jumping across platforms is easy, and getting the Ice Flower to wall jump up to him is simple as well. I do have to give this boss a little bit of credit. The whole level has allowing the player to get better at skating, and using the Ice Flower, so it's nice that this fight also utilizes that for consistency.

When you get to the top of the mountain you can start dishing out damage to Baron Brrr. Unfortunately, like many bosses in the game, Baron Brrr's weak point is obvious. The same methods to defeat a Li'l Brr are also used to defeat the Baron. I'm nowhere near expecting a boss as intricate as something like Shadow of the Colossus, but at the same time I don't want the bosses to be incredibly easy either. Baron Brrr does hit the ground to make snow try to push you off the edge, but that's about the only thing he does that differs from a regular Li'l Brr.

Overall, Baron Brrr isn't awful, but he isn't spectacular either. His attacks are easy to dodge, and there isn't really anything to get an adrenaline rush going. At the same time, he does have a sense of familiarity that more casual players can understand and get past so as to not get frustrated. I'm going to give Baron Brrr the cold shoulder, but that doesn't mean he's the worst of the worst.

Marioverse Reviews

Written by: Rosalina1999 (talk)

Hello ya’ll! Christmas is tomorrow! Merry Christmas everyone! After Christmas comes a brand new 2017! I hope ya’ll enjoy it, since only eleven days after January 1st, the Nintendo Switch will have it’s presentation! I am so excited, it’s not too far from now. So hope you guys enjoy your holidays, and thank you for taking time to read “Marioverse Reviews”. I am so grateful for that! Anyways, I am going to review a game that released in November. That’s right, it’s Mario Party: Star Rush!

Mario Party: Star Rush released on November 4 in North America. It has a score of 68 on Metacritic. That means the world think it’s a mediocre game, and I might or might not agree. In the next two paragraphs, I’m going to explain what I like about the game, and what I don’t like about the game. So in other words, you’re going to see my Princess Peach side, and my Bowser side.

Alright. When I first got the game, I thought it would be amazing. Turns out, I was right (and wrong). Once I first played the game, I played on the first world in Toad Scramble, and actually, it was fun. It had a fun gameplay, and it was more fun playing it with my friend. As of now, I already beat all three worlds in Toad Scramble. The Minigames were also fun, even though I didn’t play them much yet. In fact, I haven't got to Mario Shuffle, Rhythm Recital, Challenge Tower, Boo’s Block Party, or Character Museum yet. But I can tell you that I like Balloon Bash, because it makes the original Mario Party into a whole new concept, by adding balloons! Other than that, it feels like an original Mario Party to me.

Bwa ha ha! Now it’s time for Bowser to take over my head! Okay, first things first, I don’t like Coinathon. I played it once before, and believe me, I will never play it again. It has this dumb gameplay where you play minigames, and earn as much coins as you can. Also, this game made me smile less than when I played Mario Party: Island Tour. It didn't have as much things to do. Mario Party: Island Tour was packed with things to do, like Bowser Tower, and plus, it had a lot more boards in the party mode. I know Nintendo was trying to make a new concept, but I just wish they added more to it. Maybe, like add more modes and fun things to do. When I was playing Toad Scramble, it only played three Boss Minigames. It felt like I was doing them all the time. It would be nice if they had more Boss Minigames. Also, Toad Scramble and Balloon Bash almost feel the same to me. It almost feels like the same gameplay. I don’t know, maybe it’s just me.

Review Time:
Pros: Toad Scramble; Minigames; Balloon Bash; Fun Gameplay (on some modes)
Cons: Coinathon; Didn’t have many things to do; Not much Boss Minigames; Toad Scramble and Balloon Bash feel the same
ConclusionI would give this game a 6/10. Not bad, but I wouldnt fully recommend it to anyone unless they really want it.

Summary: Toad Scramble, Minigames, and Balloon Bash was fun; The Game has fun Gameplay on those three modes;; Coinathon could've been better; The game seemed to have little things to do; There was barely any Boss Minigames, making them boring overtime; Toad Scramble and Balloon Bash feels like it almost has the same gameplay. Hope I didn't upset you with my Bowser side. It’s like the only way to vent out my anger about the things I dislike about the game. Well, I hope ya’ll enjoy your holidays, and I will have hopefully a more positive review for you next month! Rosalina1999 out.

Movie Reviews

Written by: Yoshi876 (talk)

Finding Dory

Finding Dory
Genres	Comedy, drama, adventure
Release date	June 2016
Starring	Ellen DeGeneres, Albert Brooks, Ed O'Neill
Runtime	97 minutes
Ratings	U (UK)

Christmas is just on the horizon, and coldness is settling in, and it's a common-known fact that there is nothing colder than the sea in England, so this issue's review takes us under the waves for Finding Dory, Pixar's latest film.

The plot follows Dory as she attempts to reunite with her parents, who she only remembers after getting knocked unconscious and having a flashback. Marlin and Nemo join Dory as they travel to the Jewel of Morro Bay, where Dory grew up, however, after an incident with a carnivorous squid, Dory gets separated from the group and must rely on Hank to help her, whilst Marlin and Nemo attempt to find her. The Marlin and Nemo parts of the plot are quite boring and devoid of humour, and whilst the Dory and Hank portions fare better, overall they don't really stand out.

The characters aren't particularly interesting either. Dory, Marlin, Nemo and Hank are the only ones who get major screen-time, and whilst Dory's backstory is interesting, and the use of flashbacks is utilized well, Hank is a massive missed opportunity. A backstory for him is constantly teased, and yet nothing comes to fruition. The other new characters aren't interesting at all, Destiny simply bumps into things, and serves as more backstory, whilst Bailey just complains. Meanwhile all of your favourite characters from the previous film like: Crush, the seagulls, and the Tank Gang are relegated to mere cameos. Surprisingly Bruce is passed up in favour of a cameo from the whale who helped out in the first film.

Finding Nemo had lots of moments where there was tension and threat, this film only has one, with that being the squid chase, and it ends up a rip-off of Bruce's chase from the first film, complete with the gang escaping from a ship that ends up falling down a crevice, and this squid is probably the film's main villain, despite only having five minutes of screen time, as no other character actually displays any villainous traits. Whilst Finding Dory does have some heart-warming moments, it tries to appeal to kids too much by devolving into pure nonsense. Destiny and Bailey, a whale shark and beluga respectively, escape from the facility, and none of the staff bats any form of eyelid; and the film culminates in Hank helping Dory back to the ocean, by driving a truck. Yes, a film about underwater creatures ends with a truck chase on land.

What's even more surprising is the stance the film takes on mental and physical disabilities. The main character suffers from short-term memory loss, and this leads to her getting laughed at by children, or chastised by Hank and Marlin. Don't believe me? The only reason that the plot even properly begins is because Marlin doesn't want to spend the day with Dory after she forgets something again. Destiny is also played for laughs, as her short-sightedness means she constantly bumps into thing; Becky and a sea lion, both who clearly have something wrong with them, are exploited by the completely mentally healthy sea lions. Bailey is the worst offender as he falls into the stereotype that many mental health patients face, in which people just think they're making their condition up, and as it turns out, Bailey is.

I can't say I was particularly waiting for a sequel to Finding Nemo, but when I heard there was one coming, it did get me slightly excited, but this sequel has none of the Pixar magic that the original did, and it just comes off as a cash-grab. As a kid's film, Finding Nemo did everything right: entertain kids and their parents alike, but here, Finding Dory will only entertain children. I was incredibly disappointed by this movie, and with many Pixar films getting sequels, like The Incredibles, I am a bit worried that these will flop as well.

Yoshi876's Monthly Thoughts

by: Yoshi876 (talk)

Hello readers and welcome to my Monthly Thoughts! Here, I give a run down on the 10 news stories that interested me the most in the past month. Now, the things that will likely interest me are disasters and similar things; politics; and scientific discoveries, particularly in the fields of astronomy and biology. This issue we'll be covering news from November 13 - December 17, 2016.

10. Young Americans struggle with fake / biased news - A report from Stanford University studied young Americans, and I'm talking middle-school to college ages, and found out that not all of them are great at identifying good news sources. The study found that 40% of high-school students were happy to accept a picture and headline of deformed daisies as proof of toxic conditions around Fukushima, despite no valid source of location tag. 2/3 of middle-school students failed to identify a post by a bank manager about finance being biased. This is an interesting study given the rise of fake news recently, but the study does irritate me, as whilst it gives out these figures, it only says 7,804 students from all kinds of school were tested, so the true figures are obscured. Seems slightly ironic for a story on fake news.

9. Shopping plans for the elderly - Supermarkets could be made better for those over 60 soon, as they could become more social. After research from the University of Herefordshire found that elderly people were becoming disenfranchised by supermarkets aiming their deals at families, plans could be drawn up to introduce a checkout queue so they have the time to speak with their till operator, and also a sitting area. In a country where social care funding is being slashed, whilst this isn't the overall solution, it's a step in the right direction to help the elderly keep in social contact and enjoy their days, instead of being isolated at home.

8. The reason why the Mars lander crashed - This was the question on everyone's lips for a while, and for the scientists involved in the project the answer was infuriating. The onboard computer misjudged its altitude, and so it deployed its parachute prematurely, and was presumably destroyed. This isn't the first time that missions to Mars to look for life failed, since the 1960s, numerous attempts have ended in failure.

7. Cherokee nation legalize same-sex marriage - Stories of many countries allowing same-sex couples to marry have been happening for ages now, so they don't usually pique my interest, bar an off-hand "guess you caught up with times" comment, but this one shocked me. The Cherokee people never struck me as ones who particularly cared about this issue, but their Attorney General, Todd Hembree, said that not allowing it violated their constitution of treating all of its citizens equally.

6.

He knows how to fight for his rights.

Squirrel attack - Chicago councillor Howard Brookins has a problem with squirrels eating through dustbin lids. Well, he probably has a new problem with them now that one charged through his bicycle, whilst he was riding it, causing him to fall off and fracture his skull. Brookins will survive, and his campaign against squirrels will probably restart with a whole new amount of vigour.

5. Giraffes are put on endangered list - Giraffes face a "silent extinction" it emerged earlier this month. The news took many by surprise, including conservationists, and the reasons given are habitat loss, civil unrest, and hunting. With many of this planet's beautiful creatures dying, it would be a shame to lose such a unique creature like giraffes.

4. 5p charge on plastic bags has led to positive environmental impact - I was slightly critical of this policy when it came about, due to a probable laziness of having to lug plastic bags with me when I shop, instead of grabbing new ones, but now my views have done a U-turn. For one, it's only 5p, so it's not going to bankrupt me if I forget to bring them with me every so often, but also, I can see the positive effect it's had. Whilst other beach waste has increased in some areas, abandoned plastic bags have dropped drastically. And that's even better news for the turtles, who can mistake plastic bags as jellyfish and block their digestive track by eating them [plastic bags]. Whilst other beach waste still affects marine life, at least this one obstacle is out of their way.

3. Arrests on journalist at a 30-year high - As an aspiring journalist, this figure is worrying. Whilst I live in a country that allows free speech, my heart goes out to those who are simply doing their jobs and face getting arrested for it. China is still among some of the worst, and the reason they arrest journalists is because they cover protests against the government or human rights abuses, it's sickening for me that people are arrested for this, and not for actually abusing human rights.

2. Anne Frank may not have been betrayed - New research suggests that the officers who arrested Anne Frank and her family, during the Nazi rule of Germany, weren't even officers who dealt with rounding up Jews. One of them focused on theft, whilst the other one investigated ration fraud, a crime that someone living in the building where Anne Frank was hiding was guilty of. Other evidence is pointing this way as well, with one of the most interesting being that the officers were there for two hours, which is much longer than what was usually spent by those tasked with rounding up Jews took to do so.

1. Metropolitan police investigated regarding homophobia - The Stephen Port murders, or 'Grindr Killings', were sickening to begin with, a man luring men in, and then drugging them, raping them, and then murdering them and dumping their bodies, what's even worse is for this to come about afterwards. I have listened to various news sources on this, and it's either homophobia or sheer incompetence on the Met's part. Victim's families, LGBT police officers, PinkNews were all raising concerns of a serial killer, and they were all assured that it wasn't the case. The third murder was deemed "not suspicious", despite the body being found in the exact graveyard that the second one was found in, it should also be noted that this graveyard was 500 metres away from the killer's flat, and that'd he'd been interviewed in regards to the first murder, which he even reported to the police (should also be noted that the first victim's body was dumped outside of the killer's apartment building). Whilst the first murder is understandable, as the killer said that the victim had just suffered a drug overdose, and there was no indication of foul play, it is annoying to know that had they looked at the killer's internet search history they would have found searches regarding torture, rape, and murder. The second murder is when I get annoyed, surely the fact that the body was found 500 metres away from the first, and was also that of a gay man, should have raised some sort of flag. The third murder is infuriating, the coroner said that they believed that the death wasn't suspicious, and the family said that the suicide note didn't match their son's handwriting, and all of these concerns were quashed. The fourth victim did not have to die, and in my view the third one was also preventable, and arguably the third. I don't know if it was homophobia that resulted in shoddy detective work, but people should lose their jobs or get demoted for this.

Written By: Hypnotoad (talk)

Heya guys, for this month’s issue of Anton’s Half-Baked Reviews I’m gonna be trying out some Decembery holiday things. Now, by going in to chat and begging people to give me things to review I realized there’s not really too much easily accessible to be that would fit the theme or are things I haven’t already tried. The conclusion that I’ve drawn from this is that people should start mailing me packages full of things they want me to try out so I don’t have to go out and find it, or find the ingredients to make it. I will also accept fanmail of all kinds as well as risqué pictures.

Drink Eggnog

So first up was the most easiest one because as soon as Thanksgiving dinner hits the table every store is putting up their Christmas displays, and this includes shifting out the fancy fruit loaf display cases with eggnog. I set out to do some Christmas shopping at the largest mall in the region because it has H&M and LUSH and a nice food court and a couple pokéstops. I had a list in mind, and also on my phone just to be sure, of gifts to get everyone and whaddya know that absolutely everything on my list was either not in stock or not exact enough to make me confident in my purchase (except a LUSH gift card) leaving me feel like I should’ve just stayed home and bought everything on Amazon from the comfort of wearing nothing but pajama shorts. After moaning about this to people in chat while I shoved bbq pork and sesame chicken down my throat while spinning a pokéstop around a few times and buying myself a really cool jacket--complete with unnecessary zippers--at Forever 21 I left the mall to go to several grocery stores nearby to find eggnog. To my amazement, but not my surprise, eggnog was unreasonably difficult to find. After looking through several stores to find it, I finally settled on where I should have gone in the first place: Wegman’s. I can always trust Wegman’s to have everything I need--from a freshly baked cookie to go along with an italian sub, to a family pack of brownie bites, to artisan salami, to fresh mozzarella balls at the olive bar--because Wegman’s is an amazing store with everything in it. After flipping through the pokéstop at the Wegman’s clocktower I went straight to the dairy section. No luck. I then cruised to the rest of the juices. No luck. I paced back and forth along the entire refrigeration wall in the back. No luck. Panicked, I looked online to see where eggnog would be located on their website’s shopping page to give me a better idea and it told me that it wasn’t available at my location. Conceding defeat, I went to just go buy myself a fancy meat-cheese-cracker tray to eat all by myself and lo and behold the eggnog was all where that stuff was for some reason. Delighted in my find, I grabbed a cheap quart and made my way home to triumphantly try out this holiday standard.

Worst mistake in my life.

As I poured it into a glass I noticed that it was a bit thicker than what I imagined it to be. I thought nothing of it, since it smelled kinda minty or something even though I know it’s just eggs and cream and whatever. I took a sip and it tasted a bit like how it smelled to start, I have no real idea just a feeling of “I should be drinking this around Christmas”. Not long after my mouth clenched and a shiver went down my spine. It was like drinking cold pancake batter and my body was rejecting it. Writing it off as just a new thing, I took another sip hoping it would be something to get used to. It wasn’t. I could feel my body turn against me, rightfully so as I had betrayed it.

To attempt to salvage the situation as well as my purchase I added 2% milk to it to thin it a bit and it helped, but it still tasted like a mistake. I then went the extra step and added rum to it and it helped a bit more. I then just had rum which was better. I then got some Kahlua and added that to more rum and then added milk and put the eggnog away and instead enjoyed myself a White Cuban, my favorite cocktail that I’d recommend if you like chocolate milk, alcohol that doesn’t burn your throat too much, and getting drunk faster than you’re really anticipating (as long as you’re above the legal drinking age, of course~), and I then had enough of those until I my body forgot what eggnog tasted and felt like.

Rating: No real-world equivalent.

Explanation: I’ve never encountered a Chex Mix piece that made my body jerk and spasm in a frantic attempt to understand what just happened to it. Anything that I did to make eggnog taste better is a characteristic belonging solely to that additive and I cannot rightfully attribute any bonus points from them to this sorry excuse for the sludge scraped out from underneath a community waffle iron at a budget hotel’s continental breakfast at 9:58am.

Drink Glühwein

Glühwein is some like red wine thing with orange peels and spices like cinnamon in it. This seemed out of reach for me so I decided to treat you guys to a festive holiday gift of another surprise collab with Gabumon (talk).

18:18 Anton{Politoed} doomy
18:18 Anton{Politoed} tell me some [December Holiday] things to try out and review
18:18 Arcanine anton
18:18 Arcanine uuhhh
18:19 Arcanine idk any
18:19 Arcanine gluhwein
18:19 Anton{Politoed} >>>:[
18:19 Arcanine i neveer tried that
18:19 Arcanine kinda wanted to
18:19 shoutmon its everywhere here
18:19 Arcanine odx
18:19 Anton{Politoed} that's not too accessible to me
18:19 Arcanine ofc
18:19 shoutmon i will buy some and throw it really hard
18:19 shoutmon towards you
18:19 Anton{Politoed} 22 send me some
18:19 Anton{Politoed} or or or or or 22
18:20 Anton{Politoed} you try it
18:20 Anton{Politoed} and we can make the review a collab
18:20 shoutmon i dont really want to
18:20 Anton{Politoed} !!!!
18:20 Anton{Politoed} you gotta
18:20 shoutmon its really expensive to ship things to america
18:20 shoutmon like
18:20 shoutmon really
18:20 Anton{Politoed} you try it and then review it
18:20 Anton{Politoed} or edo you can
18:21 shoutmon i dont really want to try it
18:21 Gabumon uh
18:22 Gabumon the point of Glühwein is to be drunk while its still hot
18:22 Gabumon I dont think itll reach you in time
18:22 Anton{Politoed} edo do a review of it for me and assign it a chex mix rating
18:23 Gabumon I'm not super fond of it
18:23 Anton{Politoed} so would you say it's a breadstick or rye chip
18:24 Gabumon probably a breadstick

Rating: Breadstick

Explanation: “I’m not super fond of it”

Eat Gingerbread

I initially was just going to skip this one because the only gingerbread I could find were inside of gingerbread house kits, and I’m not really going to buy one of those to bite a wall and be done with it.

So here I am at work just working and stuff when suddenly some lady comes in with a big thing of flowers and a plate of cookies and chocolates. Thinking I’ve died and have gone to heaven, this lady then speaks up and says it’s a gift of thanks for our deli donating to their group all the time so I was like “wow sure thanks” and immediately started eating everything before anyone else noticed that there were cookies. As I’m shoveling chocolate covered pretzels and sugar cookies into my face I noticed a recognizable figure: a gingerbread man. At this moment my coworker came up and was all “oh we have cookies?” and grabbed the gingerbread man. Not wanting to miss my chance, I snatched it right out of his hand and plead my case.

“Just a leg, please, I have to have it.”

And so I did, and that’s all I had. One gingerbread man leg.

It honestly wasn’t much of anything to note. It tasted like a graham cracker and had the stiffness of one, but wasn’t as crumbly. It also had this slight flavor of like standing at the entryway of a grocery store in the middle of fall, you know what I mean, like, when they put out all of their bundles of cinnamon and whatever and you can just taste it and have to hold your breath so you don’t choke on your way to pick up some sandwich meats.

Rating: Corn Chex piece from Turtle Chex Mix

Explanation: This chex piece purports to be different and and sweeter and all kinds of fancy but in reality all it is is a basic corn chex piece with sugary glaze slopped on top of it. If I wanted a graham cracker treat I’d get smores because that way at least I won’t get weird looks when I make it into a chocolate sandwich. The plus side of this is that no one will know if it ever goes stales because it just already tastes like that.

---

I was also going to review the classic Christmas film Die Hard but no one else wanted to watch it with me and I was feeling too lonely to watch it by myself. Also, tell me what to review next! Here’s my Steam Inventory filled with games I haven’t played for some ideas, but things you can tell me to do can also be movies, shows, physical actions, trying new foods, music, literally anything and I’ll cover it eventually if it’s not too ridiculous. Just send me a message here on my talk page or PM it to me on the forum. Don't like what I have to say? That's fine, and probably bound to happen because I'm putting no effort into really learning about my subjects! We at Critic Corner will welcome your alternate review of it as a new section for the next issue!

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