The 'Shroom:Issue LXXVI/Fake News

Editorial

MrConcreteDonkey (talk)

Welcome back to the Fake News! I hope you're all enjoying the summer because I'm certainly not.

Last month's Section of the Month was won by Edofenrir (talk) (aka Koohitsu) and the Monthly Inquisition, with 37 votes. Alexneushoorn (talk)'s Police Blotter came second with 22 votes, and Gamefreak75 (talk)'s Cooking Guide and Mr. Game & Watch (talk)'s Shop Scout tied for third with 19 votes.

We've also got a few staff changes this month. First, Yoshi876 (talk) has been hired for the shock return of the Obituaries section, which was last seen in 2009, so congratulations to him. However, it's not all good news. Edofenrir (talk), who, as mentioned above, writes the Monthly Inquisition as Koohitsu, has had really serious internet problems recently, and it looks doubtful he'll be able to solve them in the near-future (and the far-future, actually...), so it's quite unlikely he'll be able to write for us for a long time. Either way, we wish him luck for the future and hope he'll be able to solve these problems without too much hassle.

So, that's all from me. Enjoy!

Written by: Pyro (talk)

Bleh bleh Dream Team is in Europe and Australia more reasons to move to Finland aah

Oh wait sorry, I was blabbing on about random stuff. Welcome back to another issue of Travel Guide, where I honestly do not know where I'll go. Random page awaaaayyyy!

Looks like I have to dive into...Venice? My budget doesn't cover Italy, thank you.

We're going to Beanbean Castle Town! Woo-hoo! It's a town by Beanbean Castle full of Beanish and it is a magnet for destruction, as it seems to be destroyed by Cackletta a lot. Wait, she's dead.

A typical visit to the town.

This city or town or whatever thing the schizophrenic guidebook calls it has many shops that you can blow your budget to Italy on, featuring many clothes you'll never wear and a guy that gives you obvious advice for painfully expensive prices. Of course, I didn't realize this until I listened to him say "Under me is a floor tile!" at least six times already.

There were also many shops to buy syrup at for everyone to chug, although I preferred buying a ton of Nuts, only to remember that I'm allergic. I stayed at a nearby motel run by a Spiny. It was a great motel - it was very relaxing for my room to not have a roof and sleep under the stars! I'm glad zombies don't spawn in the Beanbean Kingdom. I was attacked by many strange abominations overnight, however. Namely a very persistent Lakipea.

The next day, I got my picture taken behind the castle and spontaneously made a funny face at the press of a button. I then went to the castle, where I was dropped into the sewers for no reason and had to clog all the pipes so the basement wouldn't flood. It was a dangerous, watery, terrible task full of crabs. I would have had a much better time if they were Headcrabs, though. Headcrabs are adorable.

After clearing the sewers, I got back up only to get dropped back in again and having to trudge through the sewers backwards. Mmm, reminds me of Twilight Town and Expert Remix. Backtracking oh god.

I finally got to the throne room and met Queen Bean, who seriously considered dropping me into the sewers for a third time but I convinced her to not do so. Suddenly, Prince Peasley came in to cause the whole room and everyone in it to be covered in an absurdly bright light. During this time, I suddenly fell to find myself in the sewers yet again.

Insert Fawful insult here. Unrelated picture joke here.

For the final time, I got up back into the castle and tip-toed out back into the town, only to find it ravaged yet again, by angry Fawful fans who really wanted Fawful to be the final boss in Dream Team.

See you next week.

Written by: Alexneushoorn (talk)

Good day, hello. It's Alexneushoorn, back from certain stuff. What kind of stuff? Well...

Alexneushoorn goes on a 6 hour story about how he met a mermaid, fell in love with her and married and yada yada yada...

And now I'm back from my honeymoon! Now, let's get to to the stories!

1. Goomboss vs King Bob-omb

Goomboss was just walking around a peaceful forest, enjoying his time in the wilderness when King Bob-omb ambushed him. King Bob-omb told Goomboss to leave his turf, but Goomboss, being extremely uneven when it comes to disrupting his nature walks went and defied King Bob-omb. King Bob-omb got violently angry and the two kings got into a fight. Even though King Bob-omb had hands and was the size of Goomboss, Goomboss managed to knock out King Bob-omb and discovered that King Bob-omb's Bob-omb Mafia had taken up residence in the forest. Goomboss immediately contacted HQ. My crew and I came to the scene and we arrested all of the Bob-ombs. King Bob-omb was screaming so loudly because he was disturbed that he got arrested, so we had to chain him up and lock him up in solitary confinement. Goomboss was given 4000 coins for giving us the location of the Bob-omb Mafia.

2. Chief Chilly Challenge Cheater

Waluigi decided to prove Nintendo he's tough enough to be put in the mainstream Mario games by defeating Chief Chilly. He eventually made it into Chief Chilly's lair, and Chief Chilly exclaimed: Great galloping Goombas! You dare to challenge me? Waluigi responded: Yes, I challenge you! Very well! Show me what you got, skinny minny! Chief Chilly responded. The first phase went well, until Waluigi decided to use his trademark cheating to win the battle. Waluigi pulled out a warmth missile and threw it on the ice Chief Chilly was standing on. The ice melted and Chief Chilly sank to his doom. Waluigi gloated in victory, but then Iwata and I came and arrested him for breaking the rules of Super Mario 64 DS. Afterwards, the land of Super Mario 64 DS was free from crime.

Thanks for sticking with my new Police Blotter, and I hope to see you next time. Ok, time for me to buy those things my wife told me to get...

Written by: Toadbert101 (talk)

Written by: Mr. Game & Watch (talk)

ДОБРО ПОЖАЛОВАТЬ В северных ветров МАРТ! VELCOME TO THE NORTHVINDS MART!

Hallo and velcome to tis edition of Shop Scout! I've gotten a beet of a Russian acksent ever sense veeseeting Fahr Outpost and Northvinds Mart. Cold temperatures? Da! Cold service? Nyet! Da store owner velcomed me wit her fine hot chocolate, and showed me around. Let us see da fine prises!

• Shooting Star; Vey, vey powerful item. Damages all enemies on screen and mite make them dizzy! Cost; 30 coins.
• Ice Storm; Chilly, even up dere! Freezes your enemies for sevral turns and even causes minor damage! Cost; 6 coins.
• Ruin Powder; A meestycal powder coming from an unknown land... It makes your enemies go cuckoo! Cost; 15 coins.
• Stopwatch; A magickal vatch dat stops time for everyting in it's illogickally large radius... Screw logick! Cost; 12 coins.
• Maple Syrup; No, it is not da nectar of da gods, but it dos taste pretty close! Cost; 20 coins.
• Super Shroom; NO, IT DOS NOT MAKE YOU BIGGER, IT JOST HEALS YOU. OKAY, ARE WE CLEAR NOW?! Cost; 15 coins.

And dat wos da missus' collection of items. Before I left, doh, she said that "all non-Bob-ombs must stay away". I think she stocked up on too much Ruin Powder... Dis has been Mr. Game & Watch, signing out!

Obituaries

Written by: Yoshi876 (talk)

Lakitu

The deceased

Science finally caught up with thousands of Lakitus today as they realized that their clouds are not actually solid objects, and as a result they fell through them to the cold, hard ground below. Many would have survived had they not been carrying Spinys with them, as many were impaled on their spikes (the Spinys however were perfectly fine) and were later arrested with the charge of Lakitu-slaughter. We would supply images but they were deemed too grotesque, and so I hung them up in my living room; it livens up an otherwise dead room. There are several implications with the untimely tragedy of Macbeth, but we can’t dwell on Shakespeare for too long as the Lakitus' deaths also carry grave implications. For starters, Mario was complaining to me that he can no longer hijack their clouds and ride them to get Star Coins, which makes collecting them all that more annoying. We also discovered that there would be no-one to fish racers out of lava or water and as a result Mario Kart fatalities are at an all-time high. However, the main implication of their deaths is that they can no longer serve the quite ineffective great leader of the Koopa Troop, Bowser.

Bowser will miss these Lakitus

“I’ll miss those guys, the way they used to leap out of the water was both majestic and powerful…, what? You mean those aren't Lakitus? Oh right, you mean those guys. Yeah, they’ll be missed I mean they were quite effective”, was his official statement.

However, the Union of Players Everywhere released a statement saying ‘Thank everything that Lakitus are gone, they were just too difficult to kill, especially Lakithunder’. The players who released this statement were all later found to be noobs and were forced to write another statement that has yet to be published.

A funeral was going to be held, but the manager of Funerals R Us decided that there were too many to bury at once and so they elected to leave all the Lakitus where they were. Many friends of the Lakitus objected to this and threatened court action, but they were killed off or mysteriously disappeared convinced that it was for the best.

Ask P_Y

Well, hello there!! This is Paper Yoshi, the Pipe Plaza Director, speaking, and I'm ready to answer more questions submitted by our readers! During the past weeks, I got a few questions from KoopartolBB. He asks:

PAPER YOSHI WHAT KIRBY GAME DO YOU LIKE OH AND ARE YOU EPIC
ALSO DO YOU MOSTLY BREAK BRICK-BLOCKS

Alright...! Well, I haven't really played many Kirby games, so my knowledge is very limited in this regard. However, there is one Kirby game I like quite a lot due to the nostalgia factor, and that would be Kirby 64: The Crystal Shards. I used to play that way back in the day when I got my Nintendo 64; it was, and still is, one of my favourite N64 games. I don't know the story well enough, since I didn't care about that then, but I can tell you the gameplay is very nice and well done, and being able to use all those copy abilities and combine them to make even more was really fun. I also enjoyed playing the minigames, though I barely remember anything about them now. As for the second question (it looks like a question, at least), I am indeed a Yoshi, but not the Yoshi we all know and love. Last, but not least, I usually break Brick Blocks to get coins and power-ups, but sometimes I prefer to break ? Blocks instead, since they are guaranteed to contain a power-up.

And that's all for now! Remember to keep the questions coming; you just need to send me a PM with those tricky questions only a Koopa Troopa doing a handstand while going down Cookie Mountain in Wario's Car could answer. Anyway, we shall meet again next month, so see you then!!

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Issue LXXVI
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