The 'Shroom:Issue 112/Fake News

Editorial

Written by: MrConcreteDonkey (talk)

Hello, everyone, welcome to another exciting edition of the Fake News. I am your equally exciting director MCD. Here are my tips on how to have fun this summer:

• Have a quick glance outside.
• Send me all your valuables so I can devour them.
• Scroll down and read the rest of the Fake News.

It's always a riot when I'm around. A figurative riot. Not an actual riot. That would be terrible.

Section of the Month

FAKE NEWS SECTION OF THE MONTH
Place	Section	Votes	%	Writer
1st	Game Corner	22	41.51%	YKMR3000
2nd	Cooking Guide: Where in the World Is Packy?	11	20.75%	Dippy, Stooben, SMB, Palkia47
3rd	TV Tomorrow	7	13.21%	Quizmelon

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News Report

Obituaries
Yoshi876 (Talk)

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Remember Colonel Pluck?
[read more]

The Clogged Pipe
Freakworld (Talk)

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Freakworld unveils behind the scenes content.
[read more]

TV Tomorrow
Quizmelon (Talk)

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Quizmelon tells us what to watch on the telly.
[read more]

Entertainment Features

Travel Guide
SpearGuy729 (Talk)

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SpearGuy visits Wingo.
[read more]

Hot Records
Banjonator1 (Talk)

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Banjo reviews Gooper Blooper's debut.
[read more]

Cooking Guide
The Pyro Guy (Talk)

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Baking is a piece of cake.
[read more]

Written by: Yoshi876 (talk)

Colonel Pluck

The least threatening colonel ever. And I mean ever.

So, Colonel Pluck died. Yeah, that happened. Bit silly of him to die seeing as all over the Mushroom Kingdom and DK Island, there's complete peace right now. Even Bowser is sunbathing with some of the Royal Guard.

So, he didn't die fighting heroically in a war, although according to top DK generals he wouldn't have done so anyway. Apparently, he was only appointed "so we could shut him up, why else would he station him as far away as possible from us?" How did he die I hear you asking, well I will tell you. His robot slipped on a banana peel and he crushed inside it. He couldn't have had a less dignified death if he asked for it. The DK generals agreed with me "If he'd wanted to die, we would've given that to him, that's for sure," I heard them murmur.

Colonel Pluck's military career was far from ordinary, at best he got food ready for the divisions in more important areas than his, like everywhere else. Friends of his said they were sad to see his military career shut down so quick, but they all agreed that he was a better banana picker than a colonel. Though he wasn't that good a banana stomper as it turns out.

Was anyone sad to see him go? Well, the Kremling Krew were, their leader King K. Rool said "Now that he's gone we'll have to put our invasion off for another few games, no doubt someone who can actually perform well will be stationed there. Oh well." I tried contacting the Tiki Tak Tribe for comment, but apparently they were all off at a concert or something.

Colonel Pluck will not be receiving a military funeral, mainly due to him barely having a role within the actual military, however, his remains can be found in various places. And if you get them with the Bonus Bucket it's only like $9.00.

Written by: Freakworld (talk)

I guess the above banner means that it is time for this section again, which is why I am writing it right now. Without further ado, let's get on with the show!

July Statistics
Statistic	As of 17 July 2016 (22:36)*
Total Joke Votes in this year's Awards Polls	1543
Korean Spam Topics flooding the Forums	113
Writers that were fired since RandomYoshi took over the 'Shroom	256
Constructive Proposals	maybe 2 but who cares for proposals
Fail Awards that Paper Mario: Sticker Star had to be removed from because it was too unpopular	14
Users who care for anything other than the Mario Franchise	3
People who send hatemail to the Poll Committee because of there being too many polls on the main page	2301
Actual Hours of Work put into making the Awards Polls this year	more than you'd like, experience speaking
Members who still remember what Pipe Projects are and want them back	20
Members that were banned after answering the above question	20

And now for a new thing that has been relayed to our editorial team. A Retro Feature that the Pipe Plaza has apparently rejected because it was too realistic!

What an incredible find! I haven't read it yet either so let's get right to it:

Retro Feature Freakworld First article: Guess that Game!, Issue LXVIII Last article: (hopefully) The Clogged Pipe, Issue 111 Sections Written: Fun Stuff: 24 Fake News: too many Positions held: Contributor To be really honest, Freakworld is a f***ing pain in the ***. He keeps screwing up everyone and everything that gets in his way. And god knows where his way is leading him. His more or less subtle trolling on both the Wiki and the Forums, hell even the Chatroom is annoying everyone, but nobody ever musters up the courage to tell him! Only one time he clearly went too far, which was when he was tempbanned in January 2015. He keeps trying to act as if it never happened, pretending everything is okay BUT IT ISN'T! And then recently he started putting the icing on this cake of disgust. With his treacherous new News Section where he is trying to undermine our subteam, discrediting everything we are doing! But now is the time where the world will finally see the truth! This article is not, and I repeat NOT censoring the sheer shrewdness of Freakworld! Have a look at this sample article where he clearly shows what a bad troll he is:

Okay I think that's enough... I know whose arse I'm gon- Anyways, the show's over for today, everyone go home or go to another section, and come back next time because this wasn't the last thing you heard from me.

Written by: Quizmelon (talk)

Hello, it's me again. Quizmelon. Yes, I'm still here, and welcome to TV Tomorrow! The section that tells you what's on the box in the Mushroom Kingdom, provided you can stop playing Mario Kart long enough to actually watch something. Like last month, I have all the channels covered, and here are the top three shows that you can watch tomorrow.

The Castaway Tale: an action-packed drama which is not to be missed.

The Castaway Tale

MKBC2, 8pm
Genre: Action-adventure drama
Part 2/5 of this series about four adventurers whose ship gets wrecked after being attacked by a wild Blooper. Wario, Waluigi, Toad and Toadette's ship is suddenly destroyed in this episode, leaving them stranded on an island, a setting they do not easily adjust to. This thrilling programme can delight any viewer, no matter what they are looking for.

Tumble, hosting the show of his namesake on the Party Channel, tomorrow at 7.30pm.

New: Tumble Show

Party Channel, 7.30pm
Genre: Talk show
Do you like complete madness, provoking and confusing discussions, and a whole load of fun? Check out the Tumble Show, a brand new talk show hosted by the one and only Tumble, host of Mario Party Advance! Today he invites Luigi, MC Ballyhoo, and Pom Pom to the studio, and the show soon erupts into mayhem. Look out for some of Tumble's catchphrases and make sure to have as much fun as possible! I promise you... this show will keep you laughing for hours.

Rosalina's Space Adventure is back for a new series - something that no young child will want to miss.

Rosalina's Space Adventure

MKBC Kids, 3pm
Genre: Children's
A brand new episode of the now famous kids' show, starring Rosalina. This episode sees the heroine try to find some food for her Hungry Luma, which proves to be more difficult than first appears. Great fun for kids aged between 3-6 - the first two series were great and this new series seems to be keeping up the standards. I'm looking forward to seeing more of Rosalina's adventures in the future.

There are many great shows (and many poor ones) on tomorrow, but this is all I have room for right now. Sigh. I might expand in future. You never know. But that is it from TV Tomorrow for today. Remember the television has more use than just to play Wii games on - you could catch all these great shows on in the Mushroom Kingdom. Look out for the section next month, but for now, it is goodbye from me!

Written by: SpearGuy729 (talk)

Hey, everyone, and welcome to Travel Guide! I'm your host, SpearGuy729, and- hold on a sec. My manager's screaming at me for something.

...

Oh. Uh... yeah. Last month, I didn't make a tribute to Walkazo. Accidentally. Because I knew that the issue would be a tribute to her, but I didn't really know what that would mean for my section, so I just sent it in normally. Whoops. But, uh, penguins are birds right? Do I get some points for that?

Now, this edition of Travel Guide will be themed for her, I guess. So, although I didn't know her, I (like most people) know that she liked birds, so let's explore Wingo's Watchtower from Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker. This is a location with one pretty big bird: Wingo. She'll huff and puff and use her wings to blow you away! Stay close to walls to not be knocked off to the lower levels and not be distracted, and you should be good. I think. I haven't played this game in a year and a half, so I don't really remember how you do it.

Is the Wingo in this picture even real, or just photoshopped on there? Look at her edges!

Once you get to the top, you find some gold. Cool! Shiny! But then Wingo comes along and starts doing the wind thing again. Throw some turnips at her like back in Super Mario Bros. 2 and ride away in a minecart with Toadette as the credits roll by.

But speaking of Toadette, if Wingo's wings blow you away, why not Toadette? She's literally hanging on to Wingo's necklace, and somehow she holds on that whole time. But overall, this would be a pretty crappy vacation spot. There's constantly a giant bird trying to kill you, and then once you think you're finally rich, it kills you again. And if you manage to pull a SMB2 and kill her, then you just ride away, regretting your past and not even taking any gold with you. I hate this place.

*throws game out of window*

HEY! WHO THREW THAT?
Uh oh... that's my manager.
THIS CAPTAIN TOAD: TREASURE TRACKER BOX JUST HIT ME IN THE FACE! WHICH ONE OF YOU DUMB 'SHROOM WRITERS DID THIS?! OR WAS IT ONE OF YOU 'SUB DIRECTORS'?
He's the director of the 'Shroom. And you say RandomYoshi is? No, it's this crazy guy. He kidnapped RandomYoshi last week and... here he comes.
HEY! YOU! SPEAR GUY! DID YOU DO IT?
Uh... no, sir. I'm sorry about that. Whoever threw the box at you must be an excessively troubled fellow. I would never do such a thing.
THEN WHO DID IT?
I've gotta go! See ya!

And so SpearGuy dashed out of his house and into the ocean... out into the great unknown.

TO BE CONTINUED

Rest in peace, Walkazo.

Written by: Banjonator1 (talk)

Bloopercussion

Hello there! It's once again time to dive into another lush audio experiment with your dear friend and artistic thinkpoliceman Banjo as your guide.

Gooper Blooper has long been revered in music circles for his constant collaboration as the drummer with jazz-fusion outfit Paper Scissors, fronted by band-leader General Guy. His solo debut, as can be gleaned from the title Bloopercussion, is a piece heavily driven by drums. Let's look at that tracklisting:

1. Goop Vibes (4:47)
2. Bloopercussion (4:30)
3. Saltwater Blues (Saltwater's Blue) (3:48)
4. Think Ink (3:03)
5. I'm not going to cover Octopus's Garden, leave me alone (4:16)
6. International Waters Tennis Champ (5:14)
7. Another Bad Blooper Pun (5:01)
8. Slimy Funk Machine (4:59)

As you would expect, amazing displays of drumming techique play a central part in this jam-riddled LP. It's not wholly instrumental though; he is joined with vocal accompaniment by longtime friend Il Piantissimo and there is sparse instrumentation by Scissors bandmate and multi-instrumentalist Rip Cheato. Altogether it makes for a very tense and frantic atmosphere that's enjoyable to immerse yourself in. Il Piantissimo's vocal stylings can be a little overwrought, but hey, it's the soul that counts.

This album is available for purchase on Delfino Records at no major retailers.

8/10

Written by: The Pyro Guy (talk)