The 'Shroom:Issue 123/Fake News

Editorial

Hey, and welcome to a special edition of the Fake News! Most people - including myself - are now done with exams! Unfortunately I'm busy otherwise so cannot talk to you for long. Nonetheless, hope you enjoy the issue!

~ MrConcreteDonkey (talk)

Section of the Month

FAKE NEWS SECTION OF THE MONTH
Place	Section	Votes	%	Writer
1st	TV Tomorrow	38	54.29%	Quizmelon
2nd	Police Blotter	21	30%	Lord Bowser
3rd	Obituaries	11	15.71%	Yoshi876

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News Report

Weather Report
FunkyK38 (Talk)

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A look at the weather for the upcoming week.
[read more]

Obituaries
Yoshi876 (Talk)

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A mild loss in the karaoke world.
[read more]

Entertainment Features

Monthly Inquisition
Lord Bowser (Talk)

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A particularly harrowing interview.
[read more]

TV Tomorrow
Quizmelon (Talk)

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Quizmelon tells us what to watch on the telly.
[read more]

Game Corner
YKMR3000 (Talk)

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YKMR3000 makes three reviews in one!
[read more]

Cooking Guide
The Pyro Guy (Talk)

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The Pyro Guy cooks up something special!
[read more]

Dear Anton
Hypnotoad (Talk)

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Anton answers your questions.
[read more]

Written by: FunkyK38 (talk)

Greetings, viewers, we are broadcasting your weather report from MKBC6.

Day	Predicted	Temperatures	Forecast	Chance of Precipitation
Monday		High: 74 Low: 56	Warm and breezy. Lots of sun.	10%
Tuesday		High: 77 Low: 60	Warm and humid. Clouds early, sun in the afternoon.	10%
Wednesday		High: 82 Low: 69	Hot and humid.	0%
Thursday		High: 87 Low: 76	Temperatures increasing throughout the day. Chance of rain overnight.	40%
Friday		High: 90 Low: 78	Hot and windy. Slight chance of afternoon showers.	30%
Saturday		High: 93 Low: 83	Very hot and windy.	10%
Sunday		High: 86 Low: 74	Temperatures beginning to fall. Windy and humid.	0%

This week, we are looking at good weather for outdoor activities. The Mushroom Kingdom Festival of the Arts runs from Sunday to Wednesday of this week, and features many different events, such as gallery exhibitions, outdoor installments, castle garden viewing, and the annual independent film festival, this week taking place on Tuesday.

Temperatures will continue to rise this week as we will see very hot temperatures Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Viewers are encouraged to stay indoors during the hottest parts of the day, and stay hydrated and wear sunscreen if you do go outside.

Sunday begins a new Peach Blossom Invitational Pokemon Battle tournament, to be held at Princess Peach's castle. Registration opens Tuesday, and matches will be announced Saturday night.If you have a Pokemon that you're ready to show off in battle, sign up for the tournament at the Festival on Tuesday!

This week also marks Garlic Days in New Wario City, and Wario has planned an entire celebration this year to embrace his favorite food. We'll bring you the forecast as well as highlight events that you won't want to miss.

Day	Predicted	Temperatures	Forecast	Chance of Precipitation
Monday		High: 83 Low: 64	Warm and cloudy.	20%
Tuesday		High: 80 Low: 62	Clear skies and breezy.	10%
Wednesday		High: 74 Low: 59	Cooler with drizzles of rain. Cloudy in the afternoon.	40%
Thursday		High: 70 Low: 56	Periods of rain and clouds. Rainfall around 1/2 inch.	70%
Friday		High: 72 Low: 58	Clouds clearing in the evening, clear skies overnight.	10%
Saturday		High: 76 Low: 60	Some clouds, mostly sun. Warm and breezy.	0%
Sunday		High: 78 Low: 61	Sunny skies and light breezes.	0%

Looking at the events schedule, the festival will begin on Monday with a garlic Cook-Off, to be judged by Wario, 18-Volt, and Mona. The winning recipe will be featured next month at Mona Pizza for a limited time. The winner will also receive a free copy of their favorite microgame made by Wario's microgame factory.

On Tuesday, Wario will be holding tours of his Microgame factory, for a small fee. Viewers will be able to observe the process of creating a microgame, from draft to production and marketing, and the gift shop will be open with extended hours and expansive merchandise for guests to purchase.

Wednesday and Thursday brings a short Superstars baseball tournament, with the Wario Muscles, Yoshi Eggs, Mario Fireballs, and Bowser Monsters participating. Guests are encouraged to come ready to cheer on their favorite team! Garlic-themed snacks and concessions will be available at all games, and specialty Wario Muscles garlic merchandise will be available for purchase.

Friday through Sunday, Wario will be featuring a Shake It! competition, where competitors will move through courses where they must solve puzzles and defeat enemies while earning cash and other rewards to complete the level. The contestant with the most cash at the end of the competition will be crowned the Shake It! Champion and will also get to keep their rewards. A good turnout is expected for this event, and registration opens Monday of the festival. Spaces are limited, so be sure to sign up at the festival table quickly!

Mike

The deceased.

He was loud, he did fairly decent karaoke, but today we must announce the sad death of one of Diamond City's most gifted individuals with the death of Mike.

Mike did not have an imaginative name, but his microphones provided constant hits, and were even used when Wario was planning on releasing an album. Tracks included "Money Money (Makes My Pockets Happy)", and "A Rich Man's (Otherwise Known As Me) World".

Mike died because of the constant heat frazzling his circuits, and giving him a terminal meltdown. When Dr. Crygor found the body, he was sadly unable to repair his former friend. "I tried several times, but I'd have an easier time making Wario lose weight."

Mike was also starting a weight-loss class, by helping people shed their kelories instead of their calories. His famous fruit punches were considered a piece of legend. One person who tasted it told me: "It tasted terrible, and the rest of the regime was a complete waste of time. It was terrible, and I certainly wouldn't have anything to do with it, or him, ever again."

When Wario was asked about the sad demise, he told us: "Who? Oh yeah, that guy. I guess it was sad, I wouldn't really know. Everytime I attempted karaoke I was booed off the stage. Me! Can you imagine what those cultureless swines actually considered to be good singing?"

Mike was an aspiring DJ, and was practicing at some events hosted by Jimmy T., who told us: "He hasn't half-bad, but perhaps it would've been better for him to stick with the karaoke, nothing else to say really."

Mike will certainly missed by the residents of Diamond City, and he was clearly an important part of their culture, infecting nearly every aspect of it, even if he wasn't particularly good at most of it. His funeral will be held next week, and the family have asked for only close friends and family to attend.

Written by: Lord Bowser (talk)

Greetings, 'Shroom readers. This is Lord Bowser here with a special edition of Monthly Inquisition!
Today, we'll be interviewing not one, but two guests today! Please give a warm welcome to Wario and Waluigi!
AUDIENCE: (cheers and applause)
(as Wario walks onto the stage, the front row of the audience recoils at his smell)
Yeah, yeah, get used to it.
(Waluigi cartwheels onto the stage)
WAAAAAAAAA!
(Waluigi sits down, unusually fidgety, into his chair, muttering "WAAAAAAA" to himself)
Uhhh... Is he okay?
HHHHonestly, that's only hhhalf of hhhow weird hhhe can get.
(LB nearly vomits at the smell of Wario's breath and pinches his snout)
(nasally) ...Well, okay. Uh... It's so nice... to have you guys here!...
(LB is visibly nauseated and disgusted despite his attempt at smiling)
Glad I could come. I got the Microgames crew managing my garlic crop back at home, so that's all taken care of.
That's great!
(LB briefly imagines the conditions of the garlic farm. It's not pretty.)
And what about you, Waluigi? What have you been up to lately?
WALUIGI NUMBER ONE! WAAAAAAAAAA!
(Waluigi moves around rapidly and aggressively in his chair)
...We're never gonna get a straight answer out of him, are we?
Not in this lifetime. Ever since he was deemed mentally unfit for Mario Kart 7, he's only been getting worse.
I see. Well, on a different subject... What inspired you to create your microgames in the first place? It's a huge empire now, so what started it all?
So that good-for-nothing Mario invited me to one of his parties one day, and well, you know how those always go.
Did you have fun?
Of course not! He might seem like a good guy on the outside, but put him in a party game and he's a stone-cold thief! He stole all of my stars and coins that I'd earned throughout the entire game, and took me down from 1st to 4th in two turns!
BAD MARIO! BAAAAAAAA!
I had enough of his garbage, so I decided I would try to do the same thing, but way better. I moved to Diamond City, got together with Jimmy T, Dribble & Spitz, and Mona, and we founded WarioWare, Inc. together. We were just a start-up company for a few years, and times were tough; everyone had to work two jobs since the company simply couldn't pay their bills alone. However, we were finally able to get a good set of microgames going, and we released a prototype to get attention and some possible new recruits.
And how did that go?
The prototype turned out to be a hit, and we realized that with more team effort, we could score some serious cash with this. We hired some more people, like 9-Volt, Orbulon, and Ashley, and got to work on it some more. After a long year of collaboration, we finally got our first game put out. It was a smash hit, and it solidified our company.
That's great! What'd everyone do with their earnings?
Well, I built myself a mansion in Diamond City, and everyone else spent it on themselves or their families.
Oh hey, I just remembered. Speaking of mansions and such, what motivated you to take over Mario's castle so many years ago?
It's actually a pretty tragic story. I heard that monster Mario had been abusing rabbits in his castle for years, taking off their ears and putting them on his head to float. It was disgusting and horrible to see so many bunnies running around without ears, so I took them out of the castle and to a rabbit sanctuary.
AUDIENCE: (gasps of horror)
Oh my god, that's so terrible! I knew Mario was hardly a nice guy, but I didn't think he was that low!
Yeah, it was beyond sickening. To teach the man a lesson, I stormed his castle and took it over. The guy went to take it back from me, but I at least roughed him up before it happened. He never abused any rabbits again, and since then we've stayed aggressively neutral towards each other.
Well, that's good at least. Justice was served.
(Waluigi begins squirming around in his chair again)
WARIO! WALUIGI TIME! WAAAA!
Uh... Does Waluigi want to say something?
I think he wants me to talk about him.
WAAAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaA!
(The audience looks visibly uncomfortable. Some members even leave the area.)
(nervous) Well, if it'll uh calm him down... Last question!! How did you meet Waluigi?
Well, I was invited to a tennis outing several years ago. I was told to find a partner, but since this was before I met the microgame crew, I didn't really know many people. What I did was post ads everywhere, looking for a tennis player. I got a bunch of applicants, but many of them just didn't work well with me. They were all boring, stuck-up, or terrible at tennis. However, one of the last applicants was Waluigi. He wa-
WAAAAAAA! WAAAAHAHAAAAA!
...He was an excellent tennis player, and he hadn't gone insane yet then, so we worked very well together. He was cunning and sneaky, something I love to see in people, and also had some wicked surprise shots. I ended up choosing him, and together we landed lots of victories in not just tennis, but racing, golf, and just sports in general. He may not look like it now, but believe me, the guy's an excellent athlete.
WAAAA! WARIO THE BEST! WALUIGI LIKES WARIO!
AUDIENCE: Awwww...?
Well, that's pretty touching. I'm glad to see you guys have maintained a good friendship.
I believe this is it for this month's edition of Monthly Inquisition. Thanks for coming, Wario and Waluigi!
Good to be here. I hope we can meet again!
WAAAAAAAA! WALUIGI LIKE THE CAMERA! WA WA WAAAAAAAAA!
(Waluigi begins attacking the cameras and stage sets)
AUDIENCE: AAAIIIYYYEEE!
(Many audience members scream in terror and run away)
Cut, cut, cut already!
WAAAAHAHAAHA-

Written by: Quizmelon (talk)

Oh dear. Welcome back to TV Tomorrow, where the TV companies have made an inexplicable decision to let Wario show all the TV programmes. Expect a lot of egotism and a lot of bad presenting as we delve into the Day of Wario, where you really would be better off going outside in the fresh air and leaving your TV off. But just in case your face is glued to the screen, here's the three best shows, which really isn't saying much.

Wario eating some more garlic in his flight suit. This happens quite a lot during tomorrow's show.

Wario, The Greatest Man On Earth
Every channel, 8pm
Genre: We think it's meant to be comedy
Wario's self-made TV show has been scheduled to appear on every single channel for tomorrow. The frankly appalling show features Wario, the greatest man on earth, as he ponders the meaning of life, as well as eating a lot of garlic and beating up people in a flight suit. Not suitable for anyone of any age.

Tomorrow, on MKBC1, Wario and Waluigi fire an enormous cannon at a group of unsuspecting people, because that's obviously funny.

Wario and Waluigi's Super Prank Show
MKBC1, 9pm
Genre: Prank show
Not quite as terrible as Wario, The Greatest Man on Earth, but this prank show still screams 'awful'. Wario teams up with his old pal Waluigi to perform a bunch of explosive and repugnant pranks on members of the public. Both of them have no idea how to present a show, but they seem to enjoy what they're doing. Would be nice if everyone else did.

Just don't bother.

Film: Wario's Road Trip
MKBC2, 9pm
Genre: Not sure, but it's definitely awful
Claiming to be 'based on a true story', Wario's new film features him as he travels across the Mushroom Kingdom in a car painted in his colours. In the film, there is a lot of bad acting and a lot of failed comedy. Oh. And there is also a lot of rude humour and 'garlic farts' whatever those may be. I would recommend going on a road trip yourself instead of watching this.

And that is the end of this public service announcement. Please, if you do anything tomorrow, make sure it isn't watch TV. There is nothing good on. It all features Wario (and sometimes the equally appalling Waluigi). It's all bad acting. It's all failed comedy. It's all unspeakably unwatchable. Just hide under the table and wait for the next copy of the 'Shroom so we can finally have something good on the telly. Until then, good luck.

Written by: YKMR3000 (talk)

Hello, ‘Shroom readers. I’m back with another Game Corner section this month, however, the way things are going now, I almost wish that I had permanently quit. You see, according to the United States Government, the way that the Super Mario Wiki has been promoting video games is highly distressing, and as the only video game reviewer of the Fake News section, I have been getting the brunt of this criticism. So, to promote more healthy endeavors, and to show my supreme loyalty to my government overlords, Game Corner will now be known as Sportz Corner, where I talk to you about random Mario related sports games and stuff.

Game Corner SPOTRZ CORNER!!!

Game #1: Mario and Sonic at the 2011 Rhode Island Statewide Championship Chess Tournament

The first game on our journey through the world of Mario Sports is this thing that I found at the back of my game cabinet, once again combining the wonderful worlds of Super Mario and Sonic the Hedgehog into one sub-par gaming experience. You can play as all your favorite characters and in all your favorite locations, competing for the prestigious title of 2011 State of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations Chess Champion. Personally, I like the classic combination of the Queen Bee from Galaxy and Big the Cat facing off in an epic chess battle at Final Destination.

The gameplay is simple, and is just like regular chess. Except that everything is different. For one thing, motion controls are a thing. You have to tilt the Wiimote side to side to carefully pick up and place your chess pieces in the right location, and it doesn’t help that it’s inverted controls for literally no reason. There’s some special moves as well. Every time you take one of your opponent’s pieces, your star meter increases, and once it’s full, you can walk over to the other side of the board and sock your opponent right in the face to decrease their concentration, although loudly eating potato chips will also achieve this to a lesser extent.

Dream Events from the other Mario and Sonic Games also make appearances, although they’re a bit different. Instead of putting certain competitions in Mario and Sonic themed settings, Nintendo and Sega decided to try an approach based on the actual dreams of their co-workers. There’s a stage where you fall down a bottomless pit while playing chess, there’s one where you show up to an SAT test naked while playing chess, there’s one where your wife abandons you for a younger man while playing chess. There’s even one based on a PTSD dream of a programmer who worked on the Chauncey boss fight in Luigi’s Mansion:

No actual chess playing in that one though. Still, no matter how much junk you throw into this game, it’s still just boring old chess. All in all, this game is really a waste of time. And on top of that, chess isn’t even a real sport, so I REALLY wasted my time. And on top of that, this review wasn’t even that entertaining, so I REALLY wasted my time. And on top of that, no one even reads these articles, so I REALLY wasted my time. And on top of that, life is a meaningless and gloomy existence, so I REALLY wasted my time.

Final Rating: 5/10

Game #2: Super Mario Dodgetoad

Oh yes. We’ve gone there. I found the last game at the back of my game cabinet, this one I found at a seedy garage sale, and I think it’s possessed. I guess it was only matter of time before Nintendo went from weird and goofy to psychotic and horrifying. Ever play Dodgeball in Mario Sports Mix for the Wii? This is that, but instead of balls, you use unholy beings of pure terror. Not to be racist or anything, but toads do not belong on this Earth. Their high-pitched squeals pierce the eardrums and enter the sub-conscience reaches of the human mind to corrupt and control. They are evil and revolting, but I guess that provides an incentive to dodge them. Last one standing gets to keep their soul.

Anyway, the game works like you’d expect dodgeball to work, except that each toad has its own special powers. Red toads do the most damage, blues spin out and boomerang around, greens go the fastest, yellows cry, and purples bite. I can’t go into more detail than that though. I’m reading this off a Wiki article. I’m too scared to actually PLAY this thing. I mean come on. My loyalty to my government overlords isn’t THAT high. There is, again, really no point.

Final Rating: Inconclusive

So, so far, I haven’t really done anything to appease those FBI crazies, and I’ve only reviewed terrible sports games that probably ensured that most of you would never engage in any sort of athletic activity again. But don’t worry, I have an ace up my sleeve that is sure to make the government happy:

Game #3: Mario Learns the MyPlate™ Food Guide

I found the previous game at a seedy garage sale, I found this one inside a broken fridge at that seedy garage sale. Maybe I should have prioritized games that I owned and already knew were good, and that I didn’t find at a seedy garage sale. But it’s too late for that now. Regardless, there’s nothing that governments like more than seeing that their investments into certain programs didn’t go to waste. Now judging by the fact that this is on the DS, you might think that this was released in the late 2000s, but no, this was actually released in 2016, although, given the government’s track record with appealing to youths, I’m surprised that this wasn’t a GameBoy Advance exclusive. Anyway, now that I’ve given you some background, it’s time for the butt-kissing.

(sigh)

oH bOi dO I lOOOvE dIs GaEmE!!!!!! DeRs jus sO muCch 2 LiKe!!!! diS iZ jUs a mUSTERPEICE!!!!!! LEveN oUta tEN sTaArzz!!! YaYyay!!!!!!!

(ahem)

There. I hope that does it. I really don’t like to do that, but it becomes necessary from time to time. The actual game isn’t even really a game. It’s just an interactive chart with health information that became outdated a month after its release. Whatever. As long as a SWAT team doesn’t come knocking at my door, I’m happy.

Final Rating: 11/10 DA BESS GAEME!!!

By the way, a SWAT team has come knocking at my door. Apparently, under President Trump’s administration, any policies formerly promoted by Barack Obama have now been outlawed, and I’m in serious trouble now, on top of the fact that reviewing video games of any kind is evidently prohibited, regardless of content. This whole thing wasn’t a complete waste, however. I’m hoping to bribe the FBI with an idea for a new form of biological warfare. Picture this: instead of dropping nuclear bombs on our enemies, we drop thousands of different colored toads. The outcome would be the same, and it gives us something to do with the spare toads we have lying around. Wish me luck, and I’ll (hopefully) see you next month.

Written by: The Pyro Guy (talk)

Garlic. A pretty great thing in food, but that isn't what I'm going to talk about today. I'm trying to find a very special garlic, one that has very magical powers.

The garlic I'm trying to find is capable of transforming even the fattest of men into superheroes. Don't believe me? Then ask Wario. He's done it. I've seen it. He ate this funny greenish garlic and then boom! Wario-Man.

But how do you get from a regular old garlic to the weird green one that has those transformation capabilities? It obviously isn't as simple as just eating a few cloves.

So then I had a go at preparing my own one. Unfortunately, letting garlic rot did not have the desired result. The whole bulb was disgusting and not green, and the cloves were just shiny and kind of golden. I didn't want to eat it. No way.

But on closer inspection, hours of research, and then quickly checking the wiki page, I discovered that this 'garlic' was no vegetable! It was in fact a Mandrake, which is said to be a magical plant that kills anyone who uproots it. This was obviously how Wario managed to transform; the mandrake must have killed everything that made him not a superhero.

Unfortunately it turns out the magical mandrakes don't actually exist. What do you think this is, some sort of magical fairy world? Suurre.

But then I had another idea. I remember that the first time Wario transformed, he was incredibly ill. Maybe if I were to be ill, any old garlic clove would to the job.

I did the natural thing and stole some viruses from a hospital. They didn't mind, I'm sure.

Alright, it's been a few days. Sore eyes, sore throat, sore stomach: I'd say I'm ill. So let's make the magic happen. Here you can see I've crushed that rotten garlic clove into a glass for me to drink.

It's going to be delicious, I bet. Plus, pretty sure I'm going to be a superhero next? So yeah, next time you see me I'll be a new guy with some *sick* powers. I'll see you then.

Written by: Hypnotoad (talk)

Thanks to Lord Bowser (talk) (Forum profile), MeerkatMario (talk) (Forum profile), and probably some other people from IRC since I asked people for questions there and got a bunch lobbed at me for sending in questions! If you seek my flawless advice, please send questions to me on the forum, find me in chat, or if you don't care about anonymity post them on my talk page! If you would like for there to be a doodle with the response to your question, feel free to request so and I'll see what I can do.

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