Editing MarioWiki:Featured articles/Unfeature/N2/Kolorado

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__NOTOC__
__NOTOC__
===[[{{SUBPAGENAME}}]]===
===[[{{#titleparts:{{PAGENAME}}||4}}]]===
{{UNFANOMFAIL
{{UNFANOMSTAT
|nominated=00:58, 29 October 2015
|nominated=00:58, 29 October 2015 (EDT)
|lastedit=04:58, 28 November 2015
|passed=<!--When it is 5-0, put the time (such as 12:10, 11 December 2009) of the fifth support/removal of last opposet  by copying it from the history of the page.-->
}}
}}
==== Remove Featured Article Status ====
==== Remove Featured Article Status ====
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#{{User|Bazooka Mario}} Yeah, the writing is not great. I think the sample sentence isn't horrible, but there are worse ones. "On the way, he is saved from the dangerous inhabitants of Jade Jungle twice by Mario[...]"; "This paradox of courage and inability to fight is clearly shown when Kolorado attempts to help Mario in fighting the Lava Piranha; although he rushes courageously at the monster, he is easily beat back without so much as laying a hand on him." I like how the opening sentence says something like, "Kolorado is brave, famous, slightly foolish, adventurer and he also as a mustache". "Mario helps the distraught Kolorado by defeating the burly Koopa[...]". The writing reminds me somewhat of the [[Yoshi]] article with its overuse of adjectives and "unnecessarily frilly descriptions", like using "the overjoyed explorer" rather than plain "Kolorado" and "he". Time Turner is correct, the quotes are strewn with little rhyme or reason, and Kolorado is actually surprisingly lacking in the quotes department. For bulking the beginning paragraph, the trivia section can be merged there, and that last trivia point is so vague and lacking that it could've not been there.
#{{User|Bazooka Mario}} Yeah, the writing is not great. I think the sample sentence isn't horrible, but there are worse ones. "On the way, he is saved from the dangerous inhabitants of Jade Jungle twice by Mario[...]"; "This paradox of courage and inability to fight is clearly shown when Kolorado attempts to help Mario in fighting the Lava Piranha; although he rushes courageously at the monster, he is easily beat back without so much as laying a hand on him." I like how the opening sentence says something like, "Kolorado is brave, famous, slightly foolish, adventurer and he also as a mustache". "Mario helps the distraught Kolorado by defeating the burly Koopa[...]". The writing reminds me somewhat of the [[Yoshi]] article with its overuse of adjectives and "unnecessarily frilly descriptions", like using "the overjoyed explorer" rather than plain "Kolorado" and "he". Time Turner is correct, the quotes are strewn with little rhyme or reason, and Kolorado is actually surprisingly lacking in the quotes department. For bulking the beginning paragraph, the trivia section can be merged there, and that last trivia point is so vague and lacking that it could've not been there.
#{{User|Yoshi876}} Per all.
#{{User|Yoshi876}} Per all.
#{{User|Roy Koopa}} The Paper Mario description looks like a bunch of flowers. Per all.


==== Keep Featured Article Status ====
==== Keep Featured Article Status ====
#{{User|Tucayo}} - I will place this vote because I want on more input on what is still wrong with the article after the corrections I could make.


==== Removal of Support/Oppose Votes ====
==== Removal of Support/Oppose Votes ====
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==== Comments ====
==== Comments ====
Alright, I relocated the quotes to a dedicated section as it is with other articles, removed unnecessary adjectives and duplicate information, relocated the trivia to the introduction (which works best on this case), and included Russ T.'s description. I don't have the information on the letters right now but I think maybe this is a first step towards this article remaining featured. Thoughts? --{{User|Tucayo}}
Alright, I relocated the quotes to a dedicated section as it is with other articles, removed unnecessary adjectives and duplicate information, relocated the trivia to the introduction (which works best on this case), and included Russ T.'s description. I don't have the information on the letters right now but I think maybe this is a first step towards this article remaining featured. Thoughts? --{{User|Tucayo}}
:The writing still needs improvement. Stumbling across the first sentence, it states "Mario first hears of the famous adventurer during his visit to Koopa Village." where "the famous adventurer" should be replaced with "Kolorado" or "explorer" be replaced with "him". I see various more problems with the writing, such as "it is unknown what was Kolorado's reaction was". This is all in the first sentences. There's still too many unecessary adjectives, such as calling Dry Dry Ruins "famous". Overall, there's still more narrative trimming and needs to be more straight to the point if you know what I mean. {{User:Baby Luigi/sig}} 16:33, 15 December 2015 (EST)

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