Editing MarioWiki:Featured articles/N2/Shadow Queen

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__NOTOC__
__NOTOC__
===[[{{#titleparts:{{PAGENAME}}||3}}]]===
===[[{{#titleparts:{{PAGENAME}}||3}}]]===
{{FANOMFAIL
{{FANOMSTAT
|nominated=17:20, 21 February 2014
|nominated=17:20, 21 February 2014
|lastedit=17:20, 23 March 2014
|passed=<!--When it is 5-0, put the time (such as 12:10, 11 December 2012) of the fifth support/removal of last oppose by copying it from the history of the page.-->
}}
}}
==== Support ====
==== Support ====
#{{User|Ashley and Red}}I worked hard on it, also the article looks good. There aren't any ''' ''major'' ''' grammar issues
#{{User|Ashley and Red}}I worked hard on it, also the article looks good. There aren't any ''' ''major'' ''' grammar issues
#{{User|Epic Rosalina}}
#{{User|Epic Rosalina}}
#{{User|Arnold232}}
#{{User|SuperBlueYoshi64}}
#{{User|NapalmRosalina}}
#{{User|Fandro}}


==== Oppose ====
==== Oppose ====
#{{User|Time Turner}} Similarly to [[Baby Donkey Kong]], the whole article feels... bare. Also, the History section often puts away focus from the Shadow Queen to give exposition or details, which shouldn't be the case since this is an article about the Shadow Queen. The first part of the Personality section gets a bit too flowery ("ruthless and humorless"?), and this kind of writing pops up a bit too much throughout the article for me to be comfortable with calling this an FA, even regardless of its bareness. Per all of my comments opposing this nomination.
#{{User|Time Turner}} Similarly to [[Baby Donkey Kong]], the whole article feels... bare. Also, the History section often puts away focus from the Shadow Queen to give exposition or details, which shouldn't be the case since this is an article about the Shadow Queen. The first part of the Personality section gets a bit too flowery ("ruthless and humorless"?), and this kind of writing pops up a bit too much throughout the article for me to be comfortable with calling this an FA, even regardless of its bareness.
#{{User|Randombob-omb4761}} Per Time Turner.
#{{User|Randombob-omb4761}} Per Time Turner.
#{{User|Vommack}} To quote Ashley's latest revision(at time of this vote): "It has some bad sentences,[...]" The point of a featured article is to be the best the Wiki has to offer, and much of this article drops into awkward wording. The lack of focus in history and irrelevant exposition still remains as well.


==== Removal of Opposes ====
==== Removal of Opposes ====
'''TimeTurner and Randombob-omb4761'''
'''TimeTurner and Randombob-omb4761'''
#{{User|Ashley and Red}} Issues that you listed are fixed. The flowery writing is gone.
#{{User|Ashley and Red}}EpicRosa, your issue is fixed. TT and Randombom omb, I don't know what do you call "bare" in the article. The other issues is also fixed.
#{{User|Epic Rosalina}} Per all
#{{User|bluetoad63}} Per all
#{{User|Fandro}} <small><small>I'm not one to talk because I opposed the article featuring in the first place but...</small></small>per all.
#{{User|DaisyLuigi}} PER ALL!!!! <small><small>eh, good job. I guess.</small></small>


==== Comments ====
==== Comments ====
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::Thanks IceMario, i wil try to help too{{User|Ashley and Red}}
::Thanks IceMario, i wil try to help too{{User|Ashley and Red}}
:::The [[Shadow Queen#History|History]] section has been dealt with, I'll probably have to take a look into the other areas of this article before doing anything first. {{User|Icemario}}
:::The [[Shadow Queen#History|History]] section has been dealt with, I'll probably have to take a look into the other areas of this article before doing anything first. {{User|Icemario}}
::OK thanks again as well{{User|Ashley and Red}} 19:14, 21 February 2014 (EST)
::OK thanks again as well[[File:AshleySmooth.png|35px]] [[User:Ashley anEoTselkie|<font color=black><big>'''Ashley'''</big></font>]][[User talk:Ashley anEoTselkie|<font color=red>(<small>and Red</small>)</font>]] [[File:Ashley WarioWare Touched.png|35px]] 19:14, 21 February 2014 (EST)


'''@Ashley''': The flowery writing (stuff that souds like it belongs in a novel) is still present, and as long as that's still there, my oppose vote should not be removed. {{User|Time Turner}}
'''@Ashley''': The flowery writing (stuff that souds like it belongs in a novel) is still present, and as long as that's still there, my oppose vote should not be removed. {{User|Time Turner}}


Mine too {{User|Randombob-omb4761}}
Mine too {{User|Randombob-omb4761}}
:I am OK with your opposes. they are "justice"{{User|Ashley and Red}}
:::I am OK with your opposes. they are "justice"{{User|Ashley and Red}}
::...What? {{User|Time Turner}}
:::Forget it. What do you means with ''novel'', exactly??The article don't looks...uh...overrated of ''charmed'' words{{User|Ashley and Red}}
::::Thanks to Icematio the article is without the (majority) fowery write. See it {{User|Ashley and Red}}
:::::Yeah, I believe I've removed the vast majority, if not all of the flowery writing present in the article. Unless there are any further objections, the current opposes have been rendered invalid unless proven otherwise. {{User|Icemario}}
::::::I didn't see anymore "flowery" writing. You fixed all. The opposes should be removed TT and Random{{User|Ashley and Red}}
:::::::"creating an army of demonic beasts", "most vicious attacks", "in disgust of his beliefs", "When in a dire circumstances", "subduing the entire world"... Just through a quick glance, I can spot several instances of flowery writing, which is against our [[MarioWiki:Good_Writing#Epic.2C_flowery_and_grimdark_writing|standards]] for [[MarioWiki:Good writing|good writing]] It also tries to [[MarioWiki:Good_Writing#Trying_to_fuse_game_mechanics_and_story_elements|fuse]] game mechanics with story elements, which, as I linked to, isn't good. Just go to the page I linked to, cross-reference it with this article, and then you'll see what needs to be fixed. {{User|Time Turner}}
::::::::I've gone through the article once more using the given guidelines, and I don't think there's any flowery writing left on the page to fix now. {{User|Icemario}}
:::::::::At the time of your messages I was off. Icemario really fixed ''' ''all'' '''  the flowery writing. Thanks again. {{User|Ashley and Red}}
I really don't like the enemy infobox (the big one in the middle) in this article. Is there anything we can do about that? {{User|Mario}}
::I think that nit. All the other anemy bix loks like this one. The only we can do is move it to other olace or replace the screenshot with a sprite{{User|Ashley and Red}}
:::We can remove that giant empty space and move that screenshot to the gallery, although it still looks messy. {{User|Mario}}
::::How about moving the break to the end of Super Mario-Kun section? {{User|Icemario}}
:::::We can try that, although the problem is fixed only slightly. {{User|Mario}}
::::::Eh, may as well. I've also used the incorporation of trivia points to remedy this further, though it still looks somewhat cluttered. {{User|Icemario}}
:::::::I will chamge the screenshit of the enemy box by an sprite {{User|Ashley and Red}}
::::::::What does this looks now?{{User|Ashkey and Red}}
:::::::::It looks pretty good now, awesome job with that. Though the choice of image for her slightly bugs me, it still looks pretty good and changing it back would ruin it. By the way, all those images kind of clutter the page and lessen the quality, so I've removed them to preserve it. Still, though, great job. {{User|Icemario}}
::::::::::: :) I only wanna that TT and Random remove their opposes {{User|Ashely and Red}}
 
So, what about the article now, guys?? {{User|Ashley and Red}}
::@Fandro, are you voting because you agree with TT's oppose or because he opposed??I wanna know {{User|Ashley and Red}}

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