Editing MarioWiki:Featured articles/N2/Shadow Queen

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===[[{{#titleparts:{{PAGENAME}}||3}}]]===
{{FANOMFAIL
|nominated=17:20, 21 February 2014
|lastedit=17:20, 23 March 2014
}}
==== Support ====
#{{User|Ashley and Red}}I worked hard on it, also the article looks good. There aren't any ''' ''major'' ''' grammar issues
#{{User|Epic Rosalina}}
#{{User|Arnold232}}
#{{User|SuperBlueYoshi64}}
#{{User|NapalmRosalina}}
#{{User|Fandro}}

==== Oppose ====
#{{User|Time Turner}} Similarly to [[Baby Donkey Kong]], the whole article feels... bare. Also, the History section often puts away focus from the Shadow Queen to give exposition or details, which shouldn't be the case since this is an article about the Shadow Queen. The first part of the Personality section gets a bit too flowery ("ruthless and humorless"?), and this kind of writing pops up a bit too much throughout the article for me to be comfortable with calling this an FA, even regardless of its bareness. Per all of my comments opposing this nomination.
#{{User|Randombob-omb4761}} Per Time Turner.
#{{User|Vommack}} To quote Ashley's latest revision(at time of this vote): "It has some bad sentences,[...]" The point of a featured article is to be the best the Wiki has to offer, and much of this article drops into awkward wording. The lack of focus in history and irrelevant exposition still remains as well.

==== Removal of Opposes ====
'''TimeTurner and Randombob-omb4761'''
#{{User|Ashley and Red}} Issues that you listed are fixed. The flowery writing is gone.
#{{User|Epic Rosalina}} Per all
#{{User|bluetoad63}} Per all
#{{User|Fandro}} <small><small>I'm not one to talk because I opposed the article featuring in the first place but...</small></small>per all.
#{{User|DaisyLuigi}} PER ALL!!!! <small><small>eh, good job. I guess.</small></small>

==== Comments ====
i will move the ppersoinality section. {{user|Ashley and Red}}

Time Turner, what about [http://www.mariowiki.com/MarioWiki:Featured_Articles/N/Macho_Grubba Macho Grubba]? What makes this article bare while Macho Grubba doesn't? {{User|Mario}}
:Tbh, I consider that article to be pretty bare as well. I also don't recall ever stating that it ''wasn't'' bare, so I don't know why you're questioning me on that. Besides, I pointed out other flaws in the article, I didn't just base my vote on the article's bareness. {{User|Time Turner}}
::You never said it was bare, but I'm just wondering why you didn't vote on Macho Grubba while you voted here. Just a side note kind of thing. {{User|Mario}}
:::By the time I noticed the nomination, it was already close to getting enough supporters. I also didn't have anything else to really back my vote on, so I decided to simply abstain. {{User|Time Turner}}
:::Intro have been fixed. what does it looks?{{user|Ashley and Red}}
::::Looks the article again {{user|Ashley and Red}}
::::Looks the article again {{user|Ashley and Red}}
Why are featured article formatting always wrong -_- {{User|Baby Luigi}}
:Old redirects were never deleted, I've tagged this one so hopefully it can be moved to where it should be shortly. {{User|Yoshi876}}
After I get something to eat, I'll run through the History section a few times and try to fix it up. {{User|Icemario}}
::Thanks IceMario, i wil try to help too{{User|Ashley and Red}}
:::The [[Shadow Queen#History|History]] section has been dealt with, I'll probably have to take a look into the other areas of this article before doing anything first. {{User|Icemario}}
::OK thanks again as well{{User|Ashley and Red}} 19:14, 21 February 2014 (EST)

'''@Ashley''': The flowery writing (stuff that souds like it belongs in a novel) is still present, and as long as that's still there, my oppose vote should not be removed. {{User|Time Turner}}

Mine too {{User|Randombob-omb4761}}
:I am OK with your opposes. they are "justice"{{User|Ashley and Red}}
::...What? {{User|Time Turner}}
:::Forget it. What do you means with ''novel'', exactly??The article don't looks...uh...overrated of ''charmed'' words{{User|Ashley and Red}}
::::Thanks to Icematio the article is without the (majority) fowery write. See it {{User|Ashley and Red}}
:::::Yeah, I believe I've removed the vast majority, if not all of the flowery writing present in the article. Unless there are any further objections, the current opposes have been rendered invalid unless proven otherwise. {{User|Icemario}}
::::::I didn't see anymore "flowery" writing. You fixed all. The opposes should be removed TT and Random{{User|Ashley and Red}}
:::::::"creating an army of demonic beasts", "most vicious attacks", "in disgust of his beliefs", "When in a dire circumstances", "subduing the entire world"... Just through a quick glance, I can spot several instances of flowery writing, which is against our [[MarioWiki:Good_Writing#Epic.2C_flowery_and_grimdark_writing|standards]] for [[MarioWiki:Good writing|good writing]] It also tries to [[MarioWiki:Good_Writing#Trying_to_fuse_game_mechanics_and_story_elements|fuse]] game mechanics with story elements, which, as I linked to, isn't good. Just go to the page I linked to, cross-reference it with this article, and then you'll see what needs to be fixed. {{User|Time Turner}}
::::::::I've gone through the article once more using the given guidelines, and I don't think there's any flowery writing left on the page to fix now. {{User|Icemario}}
:::::::::At the time of your messages I was off. Icemario really fixed ''' ''all'' '''  the flowery writing. Thanks again. {{User|Ashley and Red}}
I really don't like the enemy infobox (the big one in the middle) in this article. Is there anything we can do about that? {{User|Mario}}
::I think that nit. All the other anemy bix loks like this one. The only we can do is move it to other olace or replace the screenshot with a sprite{{User|Ashley and Red}}
:::We can remove that giant empty space and move that screenshot to the gallery, although it still looks messy. {{User|Mario}}
::::How about moving the break to the end of Super Mario-Kun section? {{User|Icemario}}
:::::We can try that, although the problem is fixed only slightly. {{User|Mario}}
::::::Eh, may as well. I've also used the incorporation of trivia points to remedy this further, though it still looks somewhat cluttered. {{User|Icemario}}
:::::::I will chamge the screenshit of the enemy box by an sprite {{User|Ashley and Red}}
::::::::What does this looks now?{{User|Ashkey and Red}}
:::::::::It looks pretty good now, awesome job with that. Though the choice of image for her slightly bugs me, it still looks pretty good and changing it back would ruin it. By the way, all those images kind of clutter the page and lessen the quality, so I've removed them to preserve it. Still, though, great job. {{User|Icemario}}
::::::::::: :) I only wanna that TT and Random remove their opposes {{User|Ashely	and Red}}

So, what about the article now, guys?? {{User|Ashley and Red}}
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	So, what about the article now, guys?? {{User\|Ashley and Red}}		So, what about the article now, guys?? {{User\|Ashley and Red}}
	~~::@Fandro, are you voting because you agree with TT's oppose or because he opposed??I wanna know {{User\|Ashley and Red}}~~