Editing List of tattles in Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door (Nintendo Switch)

{{italic title|List of tattles in ''Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door'' (Nintendo Switch)}}
{{Construction|user={{User|Scrooge200}}}}
{{Rewrite-expand|Enemy tattles and character tattles -- I can get these later}}
This is a list of [[Goombella]]'s [[tattle]]s in ''[[Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door (Nintendo Switch)|Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door]]'' for the [[Nintendo Switch]]. Boss and enemy tattles are listed in alphabetical order.

==Characters==
===Rogueport===
*''"That's a Toad sailor. He seems pretty freaked out to be a sailor, but hey. I always hear him worrying about his brother, so maybe that's why he's so tweaked. Y'know, speaking of which, you don't exactly worry about Luigi much, do you?"''
*''"You know that sailor who's constantly freaking out? That's his brother, there. Talking to guys like this, it seems like sailors always want to get back to sea... But they're pros, right? Do they really need to worry about each other so much?"''
*''"That's [[Pa-Patch]] the Bob-omb. He's a real salty sailor type. Totally active guy, huh? Yeah, he looks pretty burly too. Gotta love strong go-getters, huh?"''
*''"That's [[Cortez]], remember? The dread pirate ghost feared by all? Ring a bell? Boy, hard to imagine someone that scary would like us... But he's just a big sweetie! Plus, he's like our taxi service between Rogueport and Keelhaul Key! I love him!"''
*''"That's [[Admiral Bobbery]]. All the dock workers call him a legendary helmsman. I don't know if that's true, but he definitely seems like the most capable sailor here! I know he's been through a lot, but I'm glad we brought him around, aren't you?"''
*''"That's Francesca's boyfriend, [[Frankie]]. He's the future of the Pianta syndicate. Hard to believe, isn't it? Still, he's the number two guy after Don Pianta. You'd think he'd be this tough guy, but Francesca has him eating out of her hand."''
*''"Whoa! Mario, that's the guy! That's [[Larson]], the thief that Goomther asked us to catch! So this is where he's been hiding! Let's nab him and get the reward! C'mon!"''
*''"That's the entrepreneur, [[Flavio]]. He's, like, super rich. He owns lots of ships. I don't know for sure, but it looks like this ship is his favorite."''
*''"They call that guy [[Four-Eyes|Lord Crump]]. He's one of the sailors coming with us to Keelhaul Key. I totally feel like I've seen him somewhere before though... Maybe I'm just losing it."''
*''"That's [[Lumpy]], a Ratooey. His dream is to strike it rich by finding oil. Gotta admire the dedication! Guys like this make me want to chase my dreams harder! Still... When I talk to him, it seems more like he's just up for whatever, you know?"''
*''"That's [[Francesca]] the Pianta. She's "well connected," get me? Her dad's a big boss. She doesn't crave money or power or anything like that though. She lives for love. Doesn't that, like, totally melt your heart? People could learn from this girl!"''
*''"That's Luigi's Dayzee friend, [[Hayzee]]. Apparently, Hayzee is an actor-director. You know Luigi's acting debut, right? The grass thing? I could never play grass... I'd wanna play a princess! And a prince would wake me with a kiss... So romantic!"''
*''"That's your brother, Loogie... Wait, no! I mean, uh...Louie...  No, I mean [[Luigi]]! If you wonder what Luigi's up to, I'm sure he'd tell you. All you gotta do is ask! In fact, it kinda looks like he's dying to tell you stuff, so you oughta rap with him!"''
*''"By the sound of it, something bad happened to this sailor, and now he hates the sea. Sounds so sad... I wonder what he thinks about when he looks out at the ocean..."''
*''"That's a Toad sailor who works here at Rogueport Harbor. I hear he loves his family so much that it's hard for him to go on long voyages."''
*''"That's one of the sailors going with us to Keelhaul Key. He seems super motivated, so we're totally lucky to have him, know what I mean?"''
*''"That's [[Bomberto]], a Bob-omb sailor. He's small, but he's a super-hard worker. He doesn't just sail either! He loads and unloads stuff too! Look at those muscles!"''
*''"That's a Bob-omb sailor. He does basic harbor work, like loading and unloading. He's kinda gruff, but he seems to have decent advice. Pretty OK guy, all around."''
*''"That's a Bob-omb sailor. He's one of the guys going to Keelhaul Key with us. Why do you think so many Bob-ombs become sailors? Kinda weird, huh?"''
*''"That's one of the Toads who's coming with us to Keelhaul Key. Sounds like she got tired of life in Rogueport and wants a fresh start on Keelhaul Key. Hey, she's young, y'know? That's the time to get out there and try new stuff!"''
*''"That's [[Thriff T.]] the Toad. He and his brother run the Toad Bros. Bazaar. He says he wants to go to Keelhaul Key to open his own shop. Not a bad dream! I get totally jealous of people who stay so focused on their goals, y'know? But... how many customers does he expect to get on a deserted island, anyway?"''
*''"That's Luigi's Blooper friend, [[Blooey]]. It's totally weird to find Bloopers on dry land. He seems peeved though...  I wonder why he looks all fried to a golden crisp?"''
*''"That's Luigi's Blooper friend, [[Blooey]]. It's totally weird to find Bloopers on dry land. He seems jolly to be fried to a golden crisp though...  Did something good happen?"''
*''"That's [[Toadsworth]], steward of Princess Peach's castle. He's an active senior! He's been really worried since Princess Peach went missing... I hope we can mellow him out."''
*''"That's [[Goomther]] the Goomba. He's always grumbling about getting ripped off... He must be easy to con. Which isn't to say that we should con him, of course!"''
*''"That guy's a local Goomba. He'll give you advice and stuff, so he's OK. His tips totally might come in handy, so you oughta talk to him as often as possible."''
*''"That's [[McGoomba]]. A Goomba, obviously. I think maybe he's on the lam from somewhere. I mean, why else would he be chilling in this back alley? It's nasty here!"''
*''"That guy's [[Mousimilian]]. He sniffs out propositions that might make him loot. With his nose for opportunity, he could really do well in the straight business world... But I guess no one in Rogueport is really cut out for the suit-and-tie life..."''
*''"That guy practically lives here... He must like it, huh? He's, like, the ultimate regular. As far as I can tell, he's recounting the tales of every love of his life, one by one."''
*''"That's [[Ms. Mowz]], the thief. Hmph. She jets off to exotic places to find rare badges. I'm surprised she has the time and energy for badges, considering how often she flirts with you! It's weird that she's the anonymous requester of the super-secret badge..."''
*''"That's a bandit who's made this place his hideout. Seems like he totally loves this place... but would it kill him to clean up a bit?"''
*''"That's Luigi's pal [[Torque]]. I hear he's, like, a totally excellent mechanic. According to Mechanics Weekly... that tool on his back can basically do anything. He seems ticked off though. I wonder what happened?"''
*''"That's [[Zess T.]], a super-skilled Toad chef. With the right ingredients, she can make ANYTHING! She's like a kitchen magician! I am, like, a TOTAL klutz in the kitchen, so I really respect a chef's touch."''
*''"That's the badge clerk that works part-time here at the Lovely Howz of Badges. It sounds like he really wants to open his own badge shop someday. Yeah, I think he's using this job to learn the business! Talk about motivation!"''
*''"That's the badge manager at the Lovely Howz of Badges. For a manager, she sure is gone from the store a lot... Where do you think she goes? This shop's small, but it's totally adorable. She really knows how to decorate."''
*''"That guy's [[Charlieton]]. He's a salesman from way far away. His prices are steep, but he's normally got rare items and pretty unusual badges. He might even have a few completely unique items that he dug up somewhere..."''
*''"Whoa! Mario, that's the guy! That's [[Larson]], the thief that Goomther asked us to catch! So this is where he's been hiding! Let's nab him and get the reward! C'mon!"''
*''"That's the innkeeper, [[Podley]]. He looks distinguished, always polishing those glasses... I wouldn't mind having a cold Chuckola Cola sometime and listening to him talk... He opened this inn a long time ago, so he really knows about the townsfolk."''
*''"That's the entrepreneur, [[Flavio]]. He's, like, super rich, and he owns lots of ships. What's he doing in here so early in the day though?  Think he's doing OK?"''
*''"That's your brother, Loobie... Wait, no! I mean, uh...Loofa...  No, I mean [[Luigi]]! If you wonder what Luigi's up to, I'm sure he'd tell you. All you gotta do is ask! In fact, it kinda looks like he's dying to tell you stuff, so you oughta rap with him!"''
*''"That's a lazy Doogan. He hunts shady "jobs" that he expects to pay well. I bet he's never done an honest day's work in his life. What a piece of work."''
*''"That's a suspicious Doogan. He craves that one big score, but I doubt it'll happen. I mean, even if he did make some money, he'd just blow it. He depresses me..."''
*''"That woman runs the inn. She's sweet and helpful, unlike most Rogueporters. If your HP and FP get too low, come here to get them restored with a night of rest."''
*''"That guy's a Bob-omb sailor. I think he comes here every time his ship makes port. I don't blame him. This place has totally cool atmosphere. I'd be a regular too..."''
*''"Toad Bros. Bazaar is run by a pair of Toad brothers. This one's [[Thriff T.]] They must get along really well to be able to run a shop together, y'know? But then again, you and Luigi are pretty tight too, right? You guys ever fight?"''
*''"That's [[Plenn T.]], the manager of the Toad Bros. Bazaar. He originally opened this store with his brother, Thriff T. Those two guys... I can never tell them apart, y'know? They're totally identical."''
*''"That's [[Darkly]]. He loooooooves the dark. He just stays here in the shadows all day long. Sounds kinda creepy to me, but hey, whatever powers you up, know what I mean?"''
*''"That's [[Professor Frankly]], head of the archaeology department at U Goom. He's researching the legendary treasure here. I totally respect him. You know the famous Professor Kolorado? He was a student of Professor Frankly's!"''
*''"That's [[Goomfrey]] the Goomba. He looks kind of shady, I guess, but he's cool. People call him a "fixer." Y'know, a guy that can make any problem... just go away."''
*''"That's a Bob-omb sailor. The workers at the docks say he's some kind of legend. I heard he was stubborn, but who knew he'd give us this much trouble? Seriously!"''
*''"That's [[Pierre]]. He sure does seem to have a lot of free time, doesn't he? Word is, he's been busting his tail lately to catch the eye of the crime boss, Ishnail."''
*''"That's [[Merlon]]. He's this odd old man who says really bizarre things sometimes. He helps power up your allies here. For three Shine Sprites, he raises a partner one rank."''
*''"That's [[Swindell]], the bandit. At least, I HEAR he's a thief, but I've never seen him steal. He's always whispering to Arfur about something."''
*''"That's [[Larson]], the bandit. The word's out on his scam, so he's laying low here. Of course, he wouldn't have to lay low ANYWHERE if he'd just kept his nose clean... You think maybe he just gets a thrill from breaking the law or what?"''
*''"Who's this guy? Come on, you really need to ask me that? Gimme a break! That's your brother, [[Luigi]]! But...I wonder why he's here? I'm sure he'll tell you if you ask him."''
*''"That's [[Arfur]]. He's always hanging around here. He looks totally suspicious, but apparently he lives by some super-stern moral code."''
*''"That guy's name is [[Grifty]]. He's a laid-back rooftop minstrel-type guy. He tends to know all of the stories that get passed around Rogueport's streets. For a couple coins, he'll tell you one... and you never know, it might help on our travels."''
*''"That's [[Gus]]. He's part of that band of thieves who call themselves the Robbos. He looks like a total maniac, but he's actually a nice guy. Don't judge books by covers!"''
*''"That's [[Garf]], part of the Robbo gang. I'm pretty sure he's related to Gus. He looks pretty gnarly, but he's actually pretty cool. Don't judge folks on looks!"''
*''"That's [[Goose]]. Turns out the Trouble Center was being run by him and Ishnail's boys. He may look violent, but he's actually an intellectual. People surprise you, huh?"''
*''"That's [[Ishnail]], leader of the thief band called the Robbos. He REALLY hates Don Pianta. I guess that's to be expected, since they're bitter rivals and everything. He's got some issues about money, but he's OK otherwise. Who knew?"''
*''"That guy's a novelist and the owner of this house. He has great ideas but can't write unless he's concentrating. I think he just psyches himself out. I mean, he's got the talent and all..."''
*''"That's a parlor customer. I think she leaves her hubbie home with the kids so she can play here all day long. Yeah, that's healthy."''
*''"That's a Toad from the west side. She's a big theatergoer, and apparently she's also a raving fan of Flurrie's."''
*''"I think this kid lives here. He's afraid to go outside, so he spends all day in here. He's got some family issues, I think, but it's not our place to stick our noses in. Kids his age have so much to worry about...but don't we all?"''
*''"That's a neighborhood kid. He seems to like going out and exploring new places. He has some big, big feelings about his family. I think that shows how much he cares for them..."''
*''"That's [[Goomez]], the Goomba. He must be totally tired. He's ALWAYS resting here. Who can blame him though? We could all use some downtime, am I right?"''
*''"A new day, a new chance! That's [[Lucky]], who runs the Happy Lucky Lottery. He's a real stickler for the rules, so if he catches you cheating... Well, just be careful, Mario!"''
*''"That's [[Jerry]], Luigi's Bob-omb buddy. He's a little different from most Bob-ombs. He seems rattled...and a bit bruised, as if he's taken several lumps to the head from a clumsy bridal decoy. Speaking of which, I wonder how graceful I would be as a bride... Hee hee hee hee hee!"''
*''"That Koopa lives here. He must've been born lucky, 'cause he ALWAYS succeeds. He has all the money he'll ever need, but I think he's still unfulfilled somehow. Hmm... Then again, that doesn't surprise me, since he spends all day in bed. It just goes to show, you can't buy happiness, and you should occasionally leave bed."''
*''"That's [[Lahla]], a Boo. She works the desk at the Pianta Parlor. Her sister's Peeka, the Boo who works in the shop. I hear they both used to be models."''
*''"That's [[Frankie]], a member of the Pianta syndicate. He's a MONSTER when he's angry. Everybody in Rogueport talks about his and Francesca's public displays of affection."''
*''"That's [[Vinny]], of the Piantas. That guy there's his brother, Tony. They're super tight. They live for their boss, seriously. They'd put their lives on the line for him."''
*''"That's [[Tony]], of the Piantas. That guy there's his brother, Vinny. They're super tight. Tony's a wise guy who doesn't mind mixing it up a bit, if you know what I mean..."''
*''"That's [[Rocko]], of the Piantas. He's the muscle that keeps the parlor moving smoothly. He's new to the Pianta syndicate... and still a looong way from the top, far as I can tell."''
*''"That's the boss, [[Don Pianta]]. It's true what they say about power—this guy's got POISE. But he's got a mean streak a mile wide... They call him "The Don of Untimely Death." Still, he's got a really soft spot for his daughter, Francesca..."''
*''"That's [[Don Pianta]], the syndicate boss. He's looking a bit grim, even for a mobster... Think he's OK?"''
*''"That's [[Don Pianta]], the former syndicate boss. He's retired now, but he's still a force. He must be here because he's all worried about Frankie and Francesca, huh? Or...maybe he's just worried that Francesca's cracking the whip on poor old Frankie!"''
*''"That's Don Pianta's daughter, [[Francesca]]. She's head over heels for Frankie. Seems like she's got Frankie on a pretty short leash, but... Hey, they're happy, right?"''
*''"I'm sure you know this, but that's your brother, [[Luigi]]. Duh. It seems like he's suspenders-deep in his own offbeat adventure right now. If you ask him, he'll tell you all about it... but I wonder how much of his story is true..."''
*''"This guy really likes... No, he totally LOVES the Happy Lucky Lottery! He wakes up each day with one thing on his mind— that day's winning number!"''
*''"That's a Goomba who really likes this parlor. He always seems to be in a good mood. I wouldn't mind winning like he does every now and then. Lucky stiff."''
*''"That's a parlor customer. She's a Little Mouser, it looks like. Good to see a girl in here. It's a good sign if this place is safe enough for regular folks to go to."''
*''"That's [[Peeka]], a Boo that works at Westside Goods. She's so pretty... and surprisingly un-shy! I think her sister's Lahla, the Boo who works at the Pianta Parlor."''
*''"This girl's ALWAYS here. She's fixated on romantic scenes in train stations. I see where she comes from... Train-station platforms do have that romantic air..."''
*''"That's [[Laki]], a train-loving Lakitu. All this guy does is sit here and watch trains. I'm sure he'd love to ride the Excess Express, but he can't afford a ticket. It'd be cool if he saved up enough to ride it just once in his life, y'know?"''
*''"That's Luigi's pal, [[Screamy]]. Screamy creeps me out... I've never seen anyone like that. Where's he from?"''
*''"That's your brother, Loozie... Wait, no! I mean, uh...Big Lou...  No, I mean [[Luigi]]! If you wonder what Luigi's up to, I'm sure he'd tell you. All you gotta do is ask! In fact, it kinda looks like he's dying to tell you stuff, so you oughta rap with him!"''
*''"That's [[Porter]], the station manager here in Rogueport. He checks Train Tickets. I hear he loves trains so much that he has, like, a billion model trains at home. Maybe he's just using his adulthood to buy all the things he wanted as a kid..."''
*''"That's [[Stewart]], the blimp conductor. His job is to check blimp passengers' tickets. I hear he loved the sea even as a child and wanted to become a sailor... But now he's sailing the skies instead... I guess his dream sorta came true, huh? He's like an air sailor, or something..."''
*''"That's the [[Battle Master]]. He's a master of battling. Let me know if I'm going too fast here. He'll teach you the secrets of battling and help you practice tricky Action Commands. So if you're having trouble mastering any aspect of battles, just ask the Battle Master! I mean, obviously."''
*''"That's [[Ian Foomus]], the infamous info mouse. He gathers intel about folks in trouble...instead of helping them. If you're stuck on a request from the Trouble Center, this smug li'l sleuth probably has the info you need. Buuut that info comes at a price, so only ask him if you're really stuck. Know-it-alls... Such a pain, am I right?"''
===Rogueport Underground===
*''"That's the fortune-teller, [[Merluvlee]]. She's kind of mysterious, as you'd expect... She divines the locations of things or where we should go. People say she's always right. And people say all kinds of secrets are hiding under her veil... so I guess the veil is working as intended!"''
*''"That's a subterranean Goomba. I think he just moved down here recently. Even so, he sure seems to know a lot about these ruins. What's he do for a living?"''
*''"This Little Mouser seems to be an archaeologist... and she's here to research the underground. But she's worried about her partner all the time, so she's not making much progress. I feel, like, SO bad for her..."''
*''"This Bob-omb lives down here. That pink color's really cute... but, ironically, he's not very bright. He's got his own ambitions of being an info guy like Wonky, selling tips for cash... But his tips don't make even a tiny little bit of sense. Hello? Can you say "stupid"?"''
*''"That's [[Eddie]] the Mask. He's some kinda health fanatic... Lots of intense folks down here, huh? This one's the healthy kind of intense though, so he knows about Stylish moves. Ask him!"''
*''"That's a Bandit who lives underground. He seems to come by this shop often. He must like talking to Wonky and the shop owner, huh? Go figure."''
*''"That's the cola-bar owner, [[Herb T.]] He's a middle-aged guy with a wild mustache. He may look like just another glass-polisher, but he's an old-school cola bartender... He's hilarious, but I'm sure he's heard his share of super-depressing stuff too."''
*''"That's [[Wonky]], the go-to guy for useful info. He looks a bit iffy, but I think his tips are OK. Just make sure you get your money's worth...  Not that you'll know until you pay..."''
*''"That's [[Dazzle]], the Star-Piece collector. He'll trade you badges for Star Pieces. Once you collect a few Star Pieces, you should definitely come talk to him. Hey, but why do you think he collects them, anyway? You think he bathes in them?"''
*''"That's the manager of the Deepdown Depot. She seems to be pretty courteous. Hey, and there are some super-classy items on display here, huh? But jeepers creepers, what sort of person buys gold bars, anyway? Freaks, that's who!"''
*''"Hmmm... It seems to be almost inviting us to do something, doesn't it? But what?"''
*''"That's [[Punio]], who lives in the Great Tree of Boggly Woods. And hey, he must be the one we saw earlier, right? Yeah, totally!"''
*''"That's [[Professor Frankly]], head of the archaeology department at U Goom. He's researching the legendary treasure here. I totally respect him. You know the famous Professor Kolorado? He was a student of Professor Frankly's!"''
*''"That's [[Pine T. Jr.]], who asked us to find his dad. Hey, guy!"''
*''"That's [[Pine T. Sr.]], who fainted in the Pit of 100 Trials. I'm glad he's home safe now. Parents shouldn't worry their kids like that, y'know?"''
*''"That's [[Chet Rippo]], the adjuster. He can adjust your stats or your partners' ranks. Me, I wouldn't trust this guy with anything more complex than plucking back hair... I know I always say you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but still..."''
*''"That's the charmer, [[Merlee]]. She's bright and cheery, huh? If you have her charm you, you'll receive various bonuses in battle. They're super helpful, so next time you have a chance, be sure to have her charm you! Oh, AND I hear she's the twin sister of Merluvlee, the fortune-teller!"''
===Petalburg===
*''"That's [[Koops]], from Petalburg. He's been waiting here, hoping to join you. He's a bit green, but braver than I thought... I'll have to rethink my first impression. I mean, he seems totally earnest, know what I mean? We should take him along."''
*''"EWWWWWW! What's with this guy, huh?! It grosses me out just being NEAR this weirdo! All right, fine, whatever. His name is [[Dupree]]. He's this icky guy who tries to sweet-talk everybody.  There, no more!"''
*''"That's [[Niff T.]], the manager of the shop. You can buy and sell items in here. I gotta say, he reminds me of the guys in the Rogueport shop... Yeah, real similar... Hmmm... Maybe it's just me... Or maybe I should just... not worry about it!"''
*''"That's a Petalburg Koopa. He seems sorta like the spokesperson for this town. I heard this guy's thinking of running for mayor. He must be more ambitious than he looks."''
*''"That's a Toad from Petalburg. He seems to have a negative outlook on most things... He also seems freaked out by everything around him. Poor little guy..."''
*''"This kid sure is a fanatic. All he talks about is video games, you notice that? I wonder if he's finished his homework for today? Y'know, homework's important too!"''
*''"This guy's apparently a total die-hard Peach fan. He even collects Peach merchandise! He has posters and merch displayed everywhere. Boy, get a life, know what I mean? Hey! Mario! Don't tell me YOU have a secret collection of plush Peach dolls too!"''
*''"That's [[Bub-ulber]]. Doesn't it kinda weird you out to see a talking flower? I mean, where's his head? Is it the flower part? Or the bulb part?"''
*''"That's [[General White]], the Bob-omb. I guess white Bob-ombs are pretty rare. He has a cool mustache too. He might even give your lip fuzz a run for its money!"''
*''"That's the Petalburg innkeeper. She'll take care of you when you're hurting. Don't get all proud and overdo it out there... I mean, everyone has their limits. Hey, and staying at an inn will even refill your Star Power! Doesn't that rule?"''
*''"That's a Petalburg Koopa Troopa. He likes spreading rumors about Hooktail's treasure. Unless...they're NOT just rumors... Hmmm."''
*''"These are the [[Traveling Sisters Three]]. They seem to go everywhere together. They also seem... inattentive. Do they even notice each new place they wind up in?"''
*''"These are the [[Traveling Sisters Three]]. They always seem so full of life! They also seem to flit off to each new destination without any sort of plan. I guess that's one way to travel..."''
*''"These are the [[Traveling Sisters Three]]. They seem to go everywhere together. Sounds nice. Y'know, traveling. I wish I had time to travel with friends from school..."''
*''"That's [[Koops]], from Petalburg. He's got confidence issues... He's a... cringer, y'know? But he's definitely got a serious interest in Hooktail... I wonder why?"''
*''"That's Koops's dad, [[Koopley]]. He seems kind of out of it. Are all Koopas space cadets? Then again, Koops is really with it... Maybe that's 'cause his dad is like this... Anyway, Koopley does worry about Koops a lot, so I guess he's a good dad after all."''
*''"That's a Bub-ulb, a talking flower. I think he lives in Petalburg. I know he's a plant, but he makes more sense than these other quirky Petalburgers!"''
*''"That's a Petalburg Koopa. He always seems to be worried about something. It's weird too, 'cause the rest of this town is so laid-back, y'know?"''
*''"That's a Toad from Petalburg. He just seems like a regular Toad to me... But I hear he leads a secret life as president of the Luigi Fan Club!"''
*''"That's [[Toce T.]], a Toad from Petalburg. She seems really huffy about something. She sure does keep a straight face though. I guess she's a pretty tough cookie..."''
*''"That's [[Koopie Koo]], a local Petalburger. She seems to be Koops's girlfriend. Gosh, she's really cute... She has a good head on her shoulders too. Thing is, because she's smart, she kinda mothers Koops a little bit... I guess it's a complicated relationship. But then again, what relationship isn't?"''
*''"That's [[Kroop]], the mayor of Petalburg. He just babbles, whether he's alone or not. I just can't tell if he's really senile or if he's just working that angle, y'know?"''
*''"That's the gatekeeper of Petalburg. He's super dutiful about guarding this gate. But I bet he'd totally run for cover if real monsters ever did show up here... I just get a feeling about him. Goomba's intuition, maybe?"''
===Hooktail Castle===
*''"What a creepy [[Red Bones|pile of bones]]. I mean, they're ALL creepy, but this one's SUPER creepy! I don't really feel like taking a look at it, but if we don't, we'll never get farther..."''
*''"Koops's dad? No, I don't think so..."''
*''"Hey, y'know, I wonder... Could this be [[Koopook]], who asked us for help? Y'know, the guy who asked us to find him somewhere in Hooktail's castle?"''
===Boggly Woods===
*''"That's that totally gross guy, [[Dupree]]! What the heck is THAT guy doing here? Omigosh! You don't think he followed us here 'cause he's infatuated with me, do you? And that's not a brag. Believe me, I would love to be wrong..."''
*''"This is the [[Vivian|youngest sister]] of the three. The oldest one REALLY picks on her, huh? I don't know whose picture they're talking about, but you think she really lost it?"''
*''"That's [[Doe T.]], the Toad who asked us for help. He came all this way to see the Great Tree for himself. Now, let's clear out all the enemies here like he asked, OK, Mario?"''
*''"This [[Beldam|shady woman]] is certainly selfish and mean! I mean, what a total meanie! You see how cruel she is to her own sister? I wonder what went on between them..."''
*''"I guess that's the [[Marilyn|middle sister]]. She seems like the strong, silent type to me. Hmm... I can't get a good read on this girl at all..."''
*''"That guy's [[Charlieton]]. He's a salesman from way far away... who now sells things in this forest, I guess! I'm not seeing any shops out here, so we should probably buy any items we might need from him."''
*''"These are the [[Traveling Sisters Three]]. They seem to go everywhere together. They also seem... inattentive. Do they even notice each new place they wind up in?"''
*''"These are the [[Traveling Sisters Three]]. They always seem so full of life! They also seem to flit off to each new destination without any sort of plan. I guess that's one way to travel..."''
*''"These are the [[Traveling Sisters Three]]. They seem to go everywhere together. Sounds nice. Y'know, traveling. I wish I had time to travel with friends from school..."''
*''"That's [[Punio]] of the Punies. He sure is a hardworking little fella, huh? Don't you just wanna cheer him on? I always root for the underdog. Or whatever he is."''
*''"That's [[Petuni]] of the Punies. She's Punio's little sister. I hope they can all live peacefully together now, don't you?"''
*''"That's [[Jabble]] of the Jabbies. I think Punio and Jabble are old friends. I sure hope the Punies and Jabbies can live together in peace from now on..."''
*''"That's [[Doe T.]], the Toad who asked us for help. I'm so glad he finally got to see this place, y'know?"''
===The Great Tree===
*''"That's the [[Puni elder]]. She's ancient, but actually peppier than everyone else. No need to worry about her! She'll live to be 150, griping all the way..."''
*''"That's [[Puniper]] of the Punies. This guy just needs to stop whining and do what's right. I mean, he's huge! When you got a big bod, you gotta step up and take charge!"''
*''"That's [[Punio]] of the Punies. He sure is a hardworking little fella, huh? Don't you just wanna cheer him on? I always root for the underdog. Or whatever he is."''
*''"That's [[Petuni]] of the Punies. She's Punio's little sister. I hope they can all live peacefully together now, don't you?"''
*''"Well, that's a Puni, all right... Look, I'm totally sorry, Mario. Punio and those guys are the only ones I can recognize!"''
*''"That's a Puni... You know what I wonder? Why are they called Punies? Because they're... Oh... right."''
*''"That's the [[Puni elder]]. She's ancient, but actually peppier than everyone else. No need to worry about her! She'll live to be 150, griping all the way..."''
*''"That's [[Puniper]] of the Punies. He sure is big for a Puni. Too bad his head is big too!"''
*''"That's [[Punio]] of the Punies. He sure is a hardworking little fella, huh? Don't you just wanna cheer him on? I always root for the underdog. Or whatever he is."''
*''"That's Punio's sister, [[Petuni]]. She really cares about her brother. I mean, you can just FEEL her love for him! I feel totally awful that she's all trapped in here. Let's hurry up and help her and the rest of them, OK?"''
*''"That's a Puni... And his name is as follows... Umm... Oh, Mario, are you kidding? I can't remember every Puni's name! I feel awful!"''
*''"That's the [[Puni elder|elder]] that Puniper mentioned. You gotta be real old to be called "elder"... Being trapped in here can't be good for her health... Let's hurry up and help her!"''
*''"That's [[Jabble]] the Jabbi. He seems to be friends with Punio and Petuni. If the Punies and Jabbies could just get along like Punio and Jabble... Maybe that's asking a bit much, huh?"''
*''"That's a Puni. Yeah, uh, his name is... let's see... Punifred. Ermmm... All right, FINE! That was just a guess."''
*''"That's a Puni. I wonder how long Punies live, anyway... I mean, generally, smaller creatures don't live as long as larger ones, but... Hmm... Maybe we shouldn't think too much about that..."''
*''"That's a Puni. What else can I tell you?"''
*''"That's a Puni. Hey, what is that thing on top of their heads, anyway? It's so weird... I swear, I just can't figure these little things out."''
*''"That's a Puni... . . . Look, I already told you! I can't tell them apart except for Punio and his friends!"''
*''"That's a Puni... Yup. Sure is. Look, what's wrong with just leaving it at that?! No good, huh?"''
*''"That's a Puni. So what do you think that noise is that Punies make when they walk, anyway? Is that noise coming from their bodies? And if so, which part? And why?!"''
*''"That's a Puni. At this point, it's starting to feel like they should be called the Plentis."''
*''"That's [[Puniper]] of the Punies. This guy just needs to stop whining and do what's right. I mean, he's huge! When you got a big bod, you gotta step up and take charge!"''
*''"Hey, what the heck? Mario, there's somebody here! Try talking to him!"''
*''"That's [[Pungry]] of the Punies. He seems to be friends with Pungent, as far as I can tell. I guess they avoided any trouble with the X-Nauts by holing up in here."''
*''"That's [[Pungent]], the manager of this shop. Weird place for a shop, if you ask me. But since we're here, I guess we could buy something..."''
*''"That's a Jabbi. Those stingy-looking beaks on Jabbies are kinda scary. Getting stung is NOT cool!"''
*''"That's a Jabbi. It doesn't seem like they've been fighting with the Punies at all lately. Sweet!"''
*''"That's a Jabbi. The Punies are pretty weird, but boy, so are the Jabbies! I mean, what do they eat?"''
*''"That's a Jabbi. They have wings, but they just scuttle along the ground. Is that considered walking?"''
*''"That's a Jabbi. I can't tell one from another though. I'm sure they can tell themselves apart..."''
*''"That's a Jabbi. And that's all you need to know, smart guy."''
*''"That's a Jabbi. They always make that weird face, like... "Huh? What did I do?" What? You can actually tell what they're thinking? Get out!"''
*''"That's a Jabbi. Why do you think they don't get along with the Punies? I just gotta know!"''
*''"That's a Jabbi, all right... Lemme see... Hmmmmmmmmm... I think this might be Jabbula... Or was it Jabbubbity?"''
*''"That's a Jabbi. I bet a lot of them are really nice if you get to know them. Or not."''
*''"That's a Jabbi. I guess they've lived in the Great Tree for a while too. Too bad they hate Punies."''
*''"If you look closely, [[Punio]] is actually different from the other Punies. First of all, his dealy-bopper is green... His coat's different too... Did you notice?"''
*''"That's [[Petuni]], Punio's sister. She really trusts her brother. Let's hurry up and get her out of here. Oh, and all of the others too."''
*''"That's [[Puniper]] of the Punies. He's a little bigger than the others, obviously. So maybe he can help us reach that special area... Hee hee! Just kidding. His only special power is complaining, I think."''
===Glitzville===
*''"These are the [[Traveling Sisters Three]]. They seem to go everywhere together. They also seem... inattentive. Do they even notice each new place they wind up in?"''
*''"These are the [[Traveling Sisters Three]]. They always seem so full of life! They also seem to flit off to each new destination without any sort of plan. I guess that's one way to travel..."''
*''"These are the [[Traveling Sisters Three]]. They seem to go everywhere together. Sounds nice. Y'know, traveling. I wish I had time to travel with friends from school..."''
*''"Awww, it's that gross guy, [[Dupree]]! What's he doing in Glitzville? How annoying! You don't think he thinks he's on an adventure with us... </Tag_7> Do you?"''
*''"That's a Toad from Glitzville. I think he works here. I don't know why, but he seems to be cheering for us. Hey, more power to ya!"''
*''"That's a Toad from Glitzville. She really wants to travel, but she's terrified of flying. So my question is, how in the heck do you think she got here? Ponder THAT!"''
*''"That's [[Bub]] the Bob-omb. He's from a very rich family, so he's kind of spoiled. Still, kids are kids, no matter how big their trust fund is...  Aren't they?"''
*''"That's the [[business Ratooey|Buisnessman]] who was on the train with us. I don't know why, but I just feel like crying when I think of the lives of businessmen."''
*''"That's a Lakitu. He's come here for the atmosphere... Get it? Atmosphere? Ha! Anyway, he seems to think jokes like that beauty are totally hilarious."''
*''"That's a Lakitu fight fan. Apparently he thinks Prince Mush is the bomb. Prince Mush must've been a pretty big deal, sounds like."''
*''"Gosh, what a colorful egg! Must be a good one, huh? I mean, you've seen it jump! So talented. But jeepers creepers, I sure wouldn't want to try to eat it... I mean, EWWWWWW! I don't eat moving things. Let's hurry up, grab it, and give it back to Mr. Hoggle."''
*''"That's [[Goldbob]] the Bob-omb. He's the head of a wealthy business, Goldbobbington's. He's got buckets of ducats, they say. I guess some folks are just good with money!"''
*''"Wow, this [[Jolene|lady]] is so pretty! I wonder what her name is. As far as I can tell, she always quietly enjoys her juice in the corner, alone. What is it that mysterious women do to become so mysterious? What a mystery!"''
*''"That's [[Mr. Hoggle]] from the hot-dog stand. He's sold dogs for like, 30 years! Nobody's as hot for Hot Dogs as him. He's always looking for the next miracle Hot Dog! Anyway, his dogs are famous. Nobody comes to visit here without having one."''
*''"That's [[Sylvia]] the Bob-omb. She's super wealthy. She's got a real high-society air around her... Even her perfume smells like money."''
*''"That's a Doogan. He's really into pro fights. Obviously, he loves the Glitz Pit. You can always tell true fight fans by how totally rabid their opinions are."''
*''"That's a Doogan fight fan. He seems to be a totally huge Rawk Hawk fan. Know what I think though? He mostly just wants to win his bets."''
*''"That's the manager of the Glitzville fresh-juice shop. His name is [[Podler]]. Looks like a lot of fight fans gather here since the Glitz Pit is so close. Oh, hey, and by the way... Podler is a huge hammer fan. He totally LOVES hammers."''
*''"This is the Toad that runs the Glitzville souvenir shop. They've got great stuff here. Tourists shop here a lot, but I hear that a lot of fighters do too."''
*''"That's [[Stewart]], the blimp conductor. He checks tickets for blimp passengers. He's what you call a Cheep Cheep. Normally they don't hang out on land, but... They've actually been around for quite a while in the Mario Bros. series, you know. Oh gosh, I just broke through the fourth wall, there, didn't I? Sorry. Just forget it."''
===Glitz Pit===
*''"That's a local cameraman. He seems a little flustered. I think he's new at this and makes lots of mistakes. Just a guess though."''
*''"That's a freelancer. He's always angling for the next big scoop. We'd better make sure this guy doesn't shoot us doing anything... incriminating."''
*''"That's a Toad who works here part-time. He always greets patrons like, "Welcome to the Glitz Pit!" Love that guy!"''
*''"This guy's here with his son. I can't tell if he's psyched to be here with his boy, but... one way or the other, it's nice to see parents spending time with their kids."''
*''"That's a Toad girl. She's totally in love with that Toad guy working here. Her crush is so powerful, even I'M getting butterflies! They'd be so CUTE together!"''
*''"This kid is still small, but he's, like, the biggest Prince Mush fan I've ever SEEN! He's here with his dad. It's so CUTE to see kids and parents having fun!"''
*''"Ah! The champ, [[Rawk Hawk]]. He sure has the star quality you'd expect from a champ. But know what? Who cares? Everybody knows we're gonna be the next champions!"''
*''"That's [[Ms. Mowz]], the thief. She jets off to exotic locales to hunt for rare badges. The fact that she's here means the Glitz Pit must have something special..."''
*''"That's [[Toodles]] the Toad. GOSH, this woman knows how to dress. I'm SO jealous! Even classy ladies like her come to watch the fights. I guess she likes tough guys..."''
*''"That's a local reporter. I'm pretty sure he covers the fight scene. He's such a veteran, he even directs the rookie cameraman next to him."''
*''"That's a Toad spectator. He seems like the kind of fan that comes to the Glitz Pit on the regular. Fighters go all out when they hear a die-hard fan like this guy. He cheers with everything he's got!"''
*''"That's a Toad spectator. Looks like she's here to make noise no matter who's fighting. I totally get it. Screaming your head off can be cathartic... and fun is fun at any volume!"''
*''"That's a Doogan spectator. He's the type of fan who likes to predict the winner out loud while he watches. If you're gonna make a prediction out loud, you'd better know what you're talking about... I think this guy does!"''
*''"That's a Lakitu spectator. He comes to the Glitz Pit every day, cheering and jeering from dawn to dusk. Looks like he's really into this match! He'd be even more excited if he could actually hear what anyone is saying."''
*''"That's a Toad spectator. He's always cheering from his favorite spot on the second floor. He probably knows a few tricks to get the audience's attention... Some of them might actually come in handy!"''
*''"That's a Toad spectator. She's a huge fan of one specific fighter and never misses one of their matches. She also enjoys giving nicknames to her favorite fighters too... Oh! Mario! You should ask her for one!"''
*''"That's a Doogan spectator. He comes here every day in hopes of seeing the Championship Belt. Rumor has it that he hopes to earn the belt for himself within the next five years... He'd better be training!"''
*''"That's a Lakitu spectator. He gives advice to all the Glitz Pit fighters... whether they want it or not. As you might expect, that advice is always a bit... off. If you take his words to heart, prepare for disappointment."''
*''"This guy is [[Glitz Pit Security|Glitz Pit security]]. He has to keep watch on this particular area. You can tell this guy works out all the time. I bet he's buffer than the fighters."'' (used for multiple characters)
*''"This guy is [[Glitz Pit Security|Glitz Pit security]]. He has to keep watch on this particular area. This guy has arms as big as your thighs, Mario. I bet he's buffer than the fighters."''
*''"That's [[Bandy Andy]]. He's always wandering around "investigating" stuff. Who knows if it'll help us, but I'm sure he's got plenty of info to share."''
*''"That's [[Grubba]], the Glitz Pit promoter. He talks a good game... a little TOO good. Then again, I guess promoters kinda HAVE to be super-greasy smooth talkers. Besides, it doesn't matter if he's trustworthy. We have to deal with him to be champs."''
*''"That's [[Jolene]], the Glitz Pit promoter. She's a real strong businesswoman. Boy, I wouldn't want her mad at me, know what I mean? She's all business!"''
*''"That's [[Shellshock]]. He seems to be totally on top of his game. For some reason, though, I think he's just a big softie. Maybe I'm thinking too much..."''
*''"That's the Koopinator. He definitely looks tough. When we fight against him, it'd be a good idea to have a strategy from the get-go."''
*''"That guy's [[Spiky Joe]]. He's a major leaguer, so we'll see him in the ring. He's super proud of his hard shell and the pointy spike on top of it. Whatever."''
*''"That's [[Hamma Jamma]]. He must be one of the strongest major leaguers. He's got a hammer, like you do. I think that hammer is REALLY important to him."''
*''"That's the older of the [[Iron Adonis Twins]]. You can tell he's older by his red shoes. I don't think they took their loss to you too well, Mario. I'd be careful around them..."''
*''"That's the younger of the [[Iron Adonis Twins]]. He and his brother totally hate you. Is it a rule that older brothers wear red shoes and younger brothers wear green?"''
*''"That's [[Master Crash]], the Bob-omb. He gives really good advice most of the time. Isn't it, like, so totally nice to have a mentor who cares about you?"''
*''"That's [[Cleftor]]. He might sound a bit gruff... But I think he's actually nicer than he sounds, y'know? Maybe he's just a little shy."''
*''"That's Grubba's manager, [[Jolene]]. She seems really focused on her job. She's also a bit concise. And impersonal. And... rude, I'm just gonna say it."''
*''"That's [[Bandy Andy]]. He's a competitor in this league, but he's never here. Maybe he just doesn't care about being champion..."''
*''"That's [[Sir Swoop]]. He just got on board here. Hey, now HE'S the newbie! You definitely notice how quick the turnaround is when new people come in..."''
*''"That's [[King K]], a fighter. His shell's yellow, but I think he's just a basic Koopa. He seems like a genuinely good guy, Mario. Plus, I dig the way he talks!"''
*''"[[Bandy Andy]] looks terrible! Who could have done this?!"''
*''"Awww, poor [[King K]]! What happened here?!"''
*''"That's [[Prince Mush]]. He's Jolene's younger brother. Poor guy's been through a lot, so it's great that he's able to return to the ring like this... He's all set for the Exhibition Match. I bet he's a tough opponent...so be ready for a doozy of a fight!"''

===Twilight Town===
*''"That's [[Gloomer]] the pig... I mean... Gloomer, the guy who got turned into a pig. When I think of him having to live like this, I get oinked up... I mean, choked up..."''
*''"That's a Twilighter who got turned into a pig. He seems like a happy guy...even as a pig. Some people are just like that, I guess!"''
*''"That's a Twilighter who got turned into a pig. This guy... I bet he didn't think he'd ever be forced to sniff out truffles, huh?"''
*''"This pig also used to be a Twilighter. This is all just so totally tragic..."''
*''"Even the [[Mayor Dour|mayor]] got turned into a pig! At this rate, they'll all be pigs soon. And then... maybe even us... NO WAY!"''
*''"That's the guy who runs the Twilight Town inn. Be sure to rest here when you're down. Just remember, when you wake up in the morning, it's still gonna be dusk!"''
*''"That's [[Gloomer]] of Twilight Town. I'm so stoked that he's back to normal! If it had taken any longer, he might've ended up as a pork chop!"''
*''"That's a local Twilighter. I have no idea if he or she's gloomy or jolly or what. I mean, I GUESS that's a pretty optimistic-looking person, but what do I know?"''
*''"That's another Twilighter. He seems to be stuck on some dark thoughts... Hopefully he won't worry himself sick. That can turn out worse than what you're afraid of sometimes..."''
*''"That's a Twilighter. He's brightened up a bunch though! We got him back to normal, but I'm not sure he really cared about being a pig."''
*''"That's a local Twilighter. He sounds like he's totally bumming though. You think maybe he wanted to stay a pig?"''
*''"This is a Twilighter. She used to be a pig, I think...but she's better now. Do you think there was anything fun about being a pig?  It would probably be insensitive to ask..."''
*''"That's the [[Mayor Dour|Twilight Town mayor]]. He doesn't seem too reliable though. I guess he's been through a lot though, so maybe I oughta cut him some slack."''
*''"That's [[Eve]]. It must be hard work raising all these kids, so I totally respect her. My mom always said that only hard work brings happiness... You think that's true?"''
*''"That's the wife of the Twilight Shop manager. They run this place together. She seems like she really loves her husband, y'know? That is SO sweet! She seems kinda indecisive sometimes though..."''
*''"I feel like I've met these pigs before... How is that possible?"''
*''"I KNOW she didn't turn into a pig to feed her hungry children... That would be TOO gnarly! But that is some spooky timing, I swear..."''
*''"That's the shop manager...who's now a pig. Yuck. What a totally awful fate..."''
*''"I like the sound of this pig's oink. It's got a nice bass tone. What, is that weird?"''
*''"This pig also used to be a Twilighter. There's something strange about it..."''
*''"That's the gatekeeper, who's been... piggified. I feel bad, but I guess we can pass freely..."''
*''"That's the oldest of three brothers. They're all close in age, so he's not much older."''
*''"That's the middle of three brothers. The middle child is so "middle child," y'know? Does that... even make sense?"''
*''"That's the youngest of three brothers. Hmmm... Not that I can really tell just by looking."''
*''"That's a novelist who lives in Twilight Town. I wonder what kind of novels he writes? I can't believe people actually read in this town. The light would kill my eyes."''
*''"That's a local Twilighter. He's pretty into how important the moon is here. I gotta admit, it sure is prominent in this dusk... but he still may be a werewolf."''
*''"That's a local Twilighter. Are all these people wearing major eyeliner or what? Oh! Maybe it's, like, a local fashion thing! Didn't they get the memo that goth is out?"''
*''"That's a local Twilighter. This person is still oinking. That's... not normal. You think this Twilighter's still not completely human?"''
*''"That's a Twilighter. She may seem peaceful now, but she went hog wild in her youth. Pretty ironic, isn't it?"''
*''"That's the Twilight Shop manager. He does most of the ordering and stocking. And I guess his wife handles the customers. I thought he looked sick at first, but that's normal for these people, I guess."''
*''"That's the gatekeeper of Twilight Town. There's a guy like this in every town, huh? If there weren't, you'd go wherever you want and beat the game so fast... Hee hee! Never mind. Let's never speak of it again..."''
*''"This little fella seems oddly relaxed, don't you think? Something tells me this is not a normal pig..."''
*''"This pig is a Twilighter. The shock of being cursed made him lose his way, I bet."''
===Creepy Steeple===
*''"That's a Boo. A familiar, floating, fluffy ghost. Do you think it's stuck in this room somehow? Feels like there's a story behind this..."''
*''"That's Doopliss's [[Parrot (character)|parrot]]. Seems like he's been abandoned down here... Poor little guy..."''
*''"That's a [[The Creepy Steeple Boo|Boo]]. This guy loves quizzes, so he challenges anyone who enters. If he never leaves this room, which seems to be the case... where is he getting all of this information?!"''
===Keelhaul Key===
*''"That's the timid Toad sailor. He came looking for his brother, who was lost at sea, and now he is too..."''
*''"That's [[Pa-Patch]] the Bob-omb. He's a salty old sailor and a totally solid deckhand. But...he's afraid of ghosts."''
*''"I... totally... can't... BELIEVE... it!  How's this [[Dupree|guy]] know where we're gonna be all the time? And did he SWIM here or something? Please... Please tell me this is a nightmare..."''
*''"That's a rare [[Whacka]]. I don't think you see many of his kind anymore, nope. If you whack a Whacka, they drop a Whacka Bump. Those are supposed to be delicious. They fetch a high price in gourmet auctions too. Yup, super-precious delicacies. Still, whacking a defenseless creature to get one... You'd never do that, right, Mario?"''
*''"That's [[Cortez]], remember? The dread pirate ghost feared by all? Ring a bell? Boy, hard to imagine someone that scary would like us... But he's just a big sweetie! Plus, he's like our taxi service between Rogueport and Keelhaul Key! I love him!"''
*''"That's Francesca's boyfriend, [[Frankie]]. He's the future of the Pianta syndicate. Hard to believe, isn't it? Still, he's the number two guy after Don Pianta. You'd think he'd be this tough guy, but Francesca has him eating out of her hand."''
*''"That's [[Francesca]] the Pianta. She's "well connected," get me? Her dad's a big boss. She doesn't crave money or power or anything like that though. She lives for love. Doesn't that, like, totally melt your heart? People could learn from this girl!"''
*''"That's one of the shipwrecked Toads. He crashed just like we did."''
*''"That's one of the shipwrecked Toads. I wonder how long he's been here?"''
*''"This is one of the shipwrecked Toads. He looks waaaaay worn out."''
*''"That's a Toad salesman. He must've wound up here the same way we did. He looks like he has a good handle on business...stuff. And he'd probably phrase it better than "business stuff."''
*''"These are the [[Traveling Sisters Three]]. They seem to go everywhere together. They also seem... inattentive. Do they even notice each new place they wind up in?"''
*''"These are the [[Traveling Sisters Three]]. They always seem so full of life! They also seem to flit off to each new destination without any sort of plan. I guess that's one way to travel..."''
*''"These are the [[Traveling Sisters Three]]. They seem to go everywhere together. Sounds nice. Y'know, traveling. I wish I had time to travel with friends from school..."''
*''"That's the timid Toad sailor. He came looking for his brother, who was lost at sea, and now he is too..."''
*''"That's [[Pa-Patch]] the Bob-omb. He's a salty old sailor and a totally solid deckhand. I heard he built all these shanties by himself too! Still...he's afraid of ghosts."''
*''"That's Francesca's boyfriend, [[Frankie]]. He's the future of the Pianta syndicate. Hard to believe, isn't it? Still, he's the number two guy after Don Pianta. You'd think he'd be this tough guy, but Francesca has him eating out of her hand."''
*''"That's one of the shipwrecked Toads. He crashed just like we did. I think he's gotten used to life here on Keelhaul Key. What a resilient guy!"''
*''"That's one of the shipwrecked Toads. He crashed just like we did. He seems to be living a fine, productive life here though. He must be super adaptive..."''
*''"That's the entrepreneur, [[Flavio]]. He calls himself the leader of this group. He's a funny enough guy... but he mostly loafs around and makes folks do his work. Not much of a leader, huh? But WHAT a dresser!"''
*''"This guy's called [[Lord Crump|Four-Eyes]]. He's one of the sailors who came along to Keelhaul Key. It's the weirdest thing... I feel like I've seen him somewhere before though... Maybe I'm just losing it."''
*''"That's [[Francesca]] the Pianta. She's "well connected," get me? Her dad's a big boss. She doesn't crave money or power or anything like that though. She lives for love. Doesn't that, like, totally melt your heart? People could learn from this girl!"''
*''"That's a Toad girl. She runs an inn of sorts in this tent. It may look totally budget, but this is a real business!"''
*''"That's a Toad sailor. He was with us on the ship, you remember? He seems like a hard worker. Doesn't he look reliable?"''
*''"That's one of the shipwrecked Toads. He crashed just like we did. He seems to have taken well to the island life though. What an optimistic guy!"''
*''"That's a Bob-omb sailor. He's one of the guys who came here with us. You think Bob-omb sailors have any trouble with their fuses getting wet?"''
*''"That's [[Thriff T.]] the Toad. He came to Keelhaul Key to open his own store... But I don't think this is quite what he had in mind, know what I mean? Then again, maybe this is even better in some ways..."''
*''"That's Francesca's guy, [[Frankie]]. He's decided to stay here and live with Francesca. But I know he's really worried about Don Pianta..."''
*''"That's [[Francesca]] the Pianta. She and Frankie liked it here and decided to stay. But we've got to get them back as quickly as we can!"''
*''"That's [[Admiral Bobbery]]. He came with us on the ship, don't you remember? He washed ashore with the rest of us... but he seems hurt. You think he's doing OK?"''
*''"That's the entrepreneur, [[Flavio]]. He calls himself the leader of this group. He's a funny enough guy... but he mostly loafs around and makes folks do his work. Not much of a leader, huh? But WHAT a dresser!"''
*''"This guy's called [[Lord Crump|Four-Eyes]]. He's one of the sailors who came along to Keelhaul Key. It's the weirdest thing... I feel like I've seen him somewhere before though... Maybe I'm just losing it."''
*''"That's [[Goom Goom]], who asked us for help, remember? Looks like he's enjoying life here on Keelhaul Key, but he's a bit lonely."''
*''"That's [[Frankie]], Francesca's guy. He shipwrecked here even before we did. Looks like Francesca's got him totally wrapped around her little finger, as always."''
*''"That's [[Francesca]] the Pianta. She shipwrecked here even before we did. She doesn't seem too worried. I guess she doesn't care as long as she has Frankie."''
*''"That's one of the shipwrecked Toads. He crashed just like we did."''
*''"That's one of the shipwrecked Toads. I wonder how long he's been here?"''
*''"This is one of the shipwrecked Toads. He looks waaaaay worn out."''
===Excess Express===
*''"That's the [[Excess Express engineer|engineer]] of the Excess Express. Talk about a dream job for kids! But just saying you drive a train doesn't make you cool. You gotta LOVE the job! I mean, we're talking about a train, here. That's some serious responsibility!"''
*''"That's a passenger on the Excess Express. Boy, I just LOVE train travel! The scenery whipping by right in front of you... It's so much better than planes and boats, y'know?"''
*''"That's a passenger on the Excess Express. I wonder how much tickets for this train really cost?"''
*''"That's a passenger on the Excess Express. I wonder what all these folks are gonna do when they get where they're going? Hey, you know what else is cool about train travel? You can just sit and space out!"''
*''"I KNEW I knew him! That's [[Zip Toad]], the movie star! Women go WILD for him! Y'know, he's hot and all, but he seems pretty stuck-up about being famous. I guess all celebrities are kinda like that. It's too bad, 'cause I kinda liked him..."''
*''"That's [[Toodles]] the Toad. Gosh, that woman is so fashionable it makes me sick! She's obviously the kind of lady that belongs on this train. Classy all the way!"''
*''"That's the conductor of the Excess Express. He takes care of passengers' needs. Keeping this train running smoothly is not just the engineer's job, y'know."''
*''"That's [[Heff T.]], the gourmet Toad. There isn't an entree out there he can't lick...literally! He's here for the train ride AND the excellent food. He's got travel all figured out... I'm taking notes."''
*''"That's [[Ghost T.]] He's pretty lighthearted for a ghost... But still... A ghost is a ghost!"''
*''"That's the [[Excess Express waitress|server]] of the Excess Express. Some people find her a bit spacey... Think she's an OK waitress? Either way, she's proven to be pretty popular among the passengers. Any ideas why, Mario?"''
*''"This is [[Chef Shimi]], the cook aboard the Excess Express. He has to cook for everyone here, so he's always busy. I can't figure this guy out. I have no idea if he's joking most of the time."''
*''"He's a Ratooey [[businessman]]. He's on the Excess Express for business, obviously. I bet he's putting everything on an expense account, huh? Is that a fringe benefit?"''
*''"That's a passenger on the Excess Express. Not to change the subject, but watching your health abroad is super important. You wouldn't want to get sick and spoil the whole trip, would you?"''
*''"That's a passenger on the Excess Express. The food on this train is so good, I bet people totally stuff themselves while traveling. Then they probably fall into that post-meal kind of sleep...and miss most of the trip! That'd be weak!"''
*''"I KNEW I knew him! That's [[Zip Toad]], the movie star! Women go WILD for him! Y'know, he's hot and all, but he seems pretty stuck-up about being famous. I guess all celebrities are kinda like that. It's too bad, 'cause I kinda liked him..."''
*''"That's [[Pennington]], a train passenger. He SAYS he's a detective, but I don't know... I mean, why do detective types ALWAYS show up when something goes wrong, huh?"''
*''"That's the Sales Stall owner. You can buy and sell things here, obviously. Yeah, just about the only thing cooler than traveling is traveling AND shopping!"''
*''"That's [[Bub]] the Bob-omb. He's from a very rich family, so he's kind of spoiled. Still, kids are kids, no matter how big their trust fund is...  Aren't they?"''
*''"He's a Ratooey [[businessman]]. He's on the Excess Express for business, obviously. I bet he's putting everything on an expense account, huh? Is that a fringe benefit?"''
*''"That's a passenger on the Excess Express. Everyone has a different reason for traveling, in case you didn't know. Business... Pleasure... Honeymoons... Boy, I guess our reason for traveling is one of the weirder ones, huh?"''
*''"That's a passenger on the Excess Express. I guess you have to have money to be here, right? Hard to tell just by looking."''
*''"That's a passenger on the Excess Express. Riding trains is awesome, no matter how old you are! Who WOULDN'T like it, huh?"''
*''"That's a passenger on the Excess Express. Y'know, sometimes when I'm on a train, I just stare out the window and spaaaaaace."''
*''"That's [[Goldbob]] the Bob-omb. He's the head of a wealthy business, Goldbobbington's. He's got buckets of ducats, they say. I guess some folks are just good with money!"''
*''"That's [[Sylvia]] the Bob-omb. She's super wealthy. She's got a real high-society air around her... Even her perfume smells like money."''
*''"That's [[Pennington]], a train passenger. He SAYS he's a detective, but I don't know... I mean, why do detective types ALWAYS show up when something goes wrong, huh?"''
*''"That's the [[Excess Express conductor|conductor]] of the Excess Express. He takes care of passengers' needs. Keeping this train running smoothly is not just the engineer's job, y'know."''
*''"That's the [[Excess Express waitress|waitress]] of the Excess Express. I bet she's a little shocked by all this!"''
*''"That's the [[Excess Express conductor|conductor]] of the Excess Express. I bet he didn't expect all this today!"''
*''"That's the [[Excess Express engineer|engineer]] of the Excess Express. Talk about a dream job for kids! But just saying you drive a train doesn't make you cool. You gotta LOVE the job! I mean, we're talking about a train, here. That's some serious responsibility!"''
*''"That's [[Heff T.]], the gourmet Toad. There isn't an entree out there he can't lick...literally! He's here for the train ride AND the excellent food. He's got travel all figured out... I'm taking notes."''
*''"That's [[Bub]] the Bob-omb. He's from a very rich family, so he's kind of spoiled. Still, kids are kids, no matter how big their trust fund is...  Aren't they?"''
*''"That's [[Goldbob]] the Bob-omb. He's the head of a wealthy business, Goldbobbington's. He's got buckets of ducats, they say. I guess some folks are just good with money!"''
*''"That's [[Pennington]], a train passenger. He SAYS he's a detective, but I don't know... Not to be, y'know, totally catty, but what kind of detective LOSES a suspect?"''
===Riverside Station===
*''"That's a Riverside worker. He stands here all day to ensure the train's safety. Wow, I would hate having to work in a place like this. There's nothing around here!"''
*''"That's a Riverside Station worker. This is where they refuel the Excess Express. I wonder what it uses for fuel, anyway? Probably golden oil or something."''
===Poshley Heights===
*''"That's [[Bub]] the Bob-omb. He's from a very rich family, so he's kind of spoiled. Still, kids are kids, no matter how big their trust fund is...  Aren't they?"''
*''"That's the Ratooey [[businessman]] who was on the Excess Express. He's still trying to put everything on his expense account. SKETCHY!"''
*''"That's [[Goldbob]] the Bob-omb. He's the head of a wealthy business, Goldbobbington's. He's got buckets of ducats, they say. I guess some folks are just good with money!"''
*''"That's [[Sylvia]] the Bob-omb. She's super wealthy. She's got a real high-society air around her... Even her perfume smells like money."''
*''"That's [[Toodles]] the Toad. Gosh, that woman is so fashionable, it makes me sick! She's obviously the kind of lady that belongs around here. Classy all the way!"''
*''"That's a Poshley Heights Station worker. He mostly just checks Train Tickets. I'm SO jealous of people that work in totally nice places. They even see movie stars..."''
*''"That's [[Bub]] the Bob-omb. He's from a very rich family, so he's kind of spoiled. He put in a request to help him make up with a certain someone."''
*''"That's [[Bootler]]. He's Bow's butler... but what does a butler do, exactly? It looks like he only listens to Bow, so I guess he wouldn't answer me if I asked..."''
*''"That's a resident of Poshley Heights. He's totally fixated on this spot, for some reason. I was thinking maybe he hops into the fountain on really hot days... But wasn't there a nasty old snapping Nibbles in that fountain?"''
*''"That's a resident of Poshley Heights. He really, REALLY likes the sanctum. Really. I kinda see where he's coming from... It IS a nice building. Talk about an eyeful, y'know?"''
*''"That's a resident of Poshley Heights. He says he walks barefoot for his health. I wonder if I should try that..."''
*''"That's [[Pennington]]. I guess sleuthing is just his hobby. He's the sanctum keeper. I knew that detective bit was fishy... but I guess a little sleuthing on the side is OK..."''
*''"That's [[Bow]]. Wait a second! Mario! Exactly WHAT is your relationship with her?! Tell me NOW! Hee hee hee hee hee hee! Just kidding! I always wanted to say that. But you DID go on an adventure with her, right? Tell me sometime, OK?"''
*''"That's [[Toadia]] of Poshley Heights. She spends a lot of time thinking by this fountain. She's actually leading a double life as the secretary of the Luigi Fan Club."''
*''"That's [[Pennington]]. I guess sleuthing is just his hobby. He's the sanctum keeper. I knew that detective bit was fishy... but I guess a little sleuthing on the side is OK..."''
*''"These are the [[Traveling Sisters Three]]. They seem to go everywhere together. They also seem... inattentive. Do they even notice each new place they wind up in?"''
*''"These are the [[Traveling Sisters Three]]. They always seem so full of life! They also seem to flit off to each new destination without any sort of plan. I guess that's one way to travel..."''
*''"These are the [[Traveling Sisters Three]]. They seem to go everywhere together. Sounds nice. Y'know, traveling. I wish I had time to travel with friends from school..."''
*''"I've had more than enough of this [[Dupree|guy]]... How does he do it? I'm almost impressed now! He moves at light speed, and he always knows where we'll be! Talk about freaky!"''
*''"That's a resident of Poshley Heights. He's related to Herringway, the novelist. Herringway's detective books have sold so well that he's bought a second house here."''
*''"That's a resident of Poshley Heights. He's related to Herringway, the novelist. Moving from frigid Shiver City to toasty Poshley Heights seems to have irked him."''
*''"That's a resident of Poshley Heights. He's related to Herringway, the novelist. Now that he's used to life here, he seems to be making the most of it, huh?"''
*''"That's the hotel receptionist. If you feel down and out, you oughta rest here. This is the nicest hotel in a super-fancy town... I bet they have totally great service!"''
*''"That's a Toad shopkeeper. They're selling "Fresh Pasta" as a souvenir! True to its name, Poshley Heights is serving up high-caliber noodles... with a fittingly rich flavor, no doubt."''
===Fahr Outpost===
*''"These are the [[Traveling Sisters Three]]. They seem to go everywhere together. They also seem... inattentive. Do they even notice each new place they wind up in?"''
*''"These are the [[Traveling Sisters Three]]. They always seem so full of life! They also seem to flit off to each new destination without any sort of plan. I guess that's one way to travel..."''
*''"These are the [[Traveling Sisters Three]]. They seem to go everywhere together. Sounds nice. Y'know, traveling. I wish I had time to travel with friends from school..."''
*''"That's [[Fred]]. He's not very freaky for a Fred though. What? Not all Freds are freaky? News to me."''
*''"That's [[Nob]], of Fahr Outpost. He's a frank and refreshing little guy, huh? Y'know, it just struck me that only Bob-ombs live here, huh? I THINK that's Nob..."''
*''"That's [[Rob]], of Fahr Outpost. He can judge personality by a person's facial hair. I've never heard of that sort of talent, personally... He may be lying his little fuse off..."''
*''"That's a Fahr Outpost Bob-omb. No clothes, but do they mind the snow? NO! I grew up in a warm place, so this is like an icebox for me! AAAAACHOO!"''
*''"That's [[General White]], the Bob-omb. I guess white Bob-ombs are pretty rare. He has a cool mustache too. He might even give your lip fuzz a run for its money!"''
*''"That's the [[Fahr Outpost mayor|mayor]] of Fahr Outpost. He seems to trust us now, thank goodness."''
*''"You gotta hand it to this [[Dupree|guy]]... To come out to even this forsaken place... Talk about totally tenacious... This dude is serious."''
*''"That's [[Swob]]. He's the type of guy that just says whatever he's thinking, y'know? To be honest, I kinda like people like that."''
*''"That's a Bob-omb from Fahr Outpost. Why is he digging down into the snow like that? Hmmm... Maybe he's just a deep guy!"''
*''"That's a Bob-omb from Fahr Outpost. He's kinda sick of playing in the snow, I think. I'm sure he'd have fun if we took him to Keelhaul Key or Glitzville, y'know?"''
*''"That's [[Gob]]. He says he wants to get bigger. Hey, pal, I hear what you're saying! He built that snowbob just to show how big he wants to grow. Now THAT'S big!"''
*''"That's a Bob-omb from Fahr Outpost. He seems to be working on something tough... It must be nice to lie in the falling snow and think things over carefully..."''
*''"That's [[General White]], the Bob-omb. I guess white Bob-ombs are pretty rare. He has a cool mustache too. He might even give your lip fuzz a run for its money!"''
*''"This Bob-omb is the innkeeper. For a shack way out in the tundra, she's made this place pretty cozy! If you get tired around here, definitely swing by this place to rest up. I doubt they'll have trouble finding an empty room. I mean, we ARE in the sticks!"''
*''"That's the [[Fahr Outpost mayor|mayor]] of Fahr Outpost. He doesn't seem too interested in welcoming us. Maybe Bob-ombs are, like, some super-closed-off society or something..."''
*''"That's the manager of Northwinds Mart. You can buy and sell items here. It's so nice and warm inside! Can we just hang out in here until my nose thaws out?"''
===Palace of Shadows===
*''"Those are some [[Dark Bones|weird-colored bones]]. Very suspicious! But I feel like I've seen something like them before. I guess we're not gonna get much farther without checking them out, are we?"''
*''"That's [[Beldam]] of the Three Shadows. Remember? Vivian's sister? I'm totally surprised she followed us all the way out here though. And what was that plan she was yapping about, huh? This sounds bad..."''
*''"That's [[Marilyn]]. I still can't really get a good read on her, unfortunately. She doesn't seem like such a bad type, if you ask me. But who knows for sure?"''
*''"That's [[Doopliss]], who I guess is one of the Three Shadows now... Not a bad Frankly impersonator. Gosh, I hope nothing bad's happened to the REAL Professor Frankly... And why is Doopliss working with these two, anyway? Too many questions!"''
*''"That's [[Bowser]]. He came to the Palace of Shadow for Peach and that treasure. You gotta give him credit for coming this far, really. I almost respect him, actually. But no time for all that! We have to go after Grodus and Peach! C'mon!"''
*''"That's [[Kammy Koopa]]. She's the old witch that serves as Bowser's advisor. But what do you care? Let's stop worrying about her and go save Peach!"''
===Pit of 100 Trials===
*''"That's a [[Mover]]. Yeah, they sometimes appear in the Pit of 100 Trials. For a few coins, he'll send you to another level. It's up to you if you wanna use him."''
*''"That's [[Pine T. Sr.]], the Toad. He's the father of Pine T. Jr., who asked us to help him out. We gotta help Pine T. Sr. quickly, for his son's sake!"''
*''"That's a rare [[Whacka]]. I don't think you see many of his kind anymore, nope. If you whack a Whacka, they drop a Whacka Bump. You can either eat those or sell them for a high price. You did hear me when I said these critters are rare, right? Just checking. Because that means you should NOT whack them. You do understand that...right, Mario?"''
*''"That's [[Charlieton]], the merchant. I guess he sells his wares here too. But... it looks like his stuff gets more expensive the deeper he is in the pit. I'm happy to be able to shop here and all, but sheesh... Well, it's your money."''

==Bosses==
===[[Atomic Boo]]===
*''"That's an Atomic Boo. It's a giant Boo made up of a ton of smaller Boos. Max HP is 40, Attack is 4, and Defense is 0. This thing will try to smoosh us. It can also split up and send hundreds of Boos at us. And when we attack, we might get so scared that we get confused or can't move. I sure wouldn't want to see this thing standing behind me in the middle of the night... Creeeeeepy..."''
===[[Beldam]]===
*''"That's Beldam. She's the oldest sister, the leader of the Three Shadows. Max HP is 9, Attack is 1, and Defense is 0. But her blizzard attack has an Attack of 2. She can make her partners big and make us tiny, and attacks with weird magic. The worst thing about her is that sinister snicker. She sounds so totally evil! I mean, she's just the sort of person you want to avoid like the plague, y'know?"''
*''"That's Beldam. She's the leader of the Three Shadows, back again. Max HP is 30, Attack is 5, and Defense is 0. Her special move is a blizzard blast. If it hits you, you'll totally freeze. She has lots of other tricks up her sleeves too. I wonder what that plan was that she mentioned? What do you think they're up to?"''
===[[Big Blooper|Blooper]]===
*''"That's a Blooper...and a really super-humongous one too! EWWWWW! It's all slimy! I just totally can't STAND slimy, nasty, icky things. G-R-O-S-S, gross! Max HP is 12, Attack is 1, and Defense is 0. It attacks with tentacles and ink. Once you damage both its tentacles, it'll fall down... And then it's attack time! By the way, the tentacles each have 3 HP. Now relax and make seafood out of that slimy, nasty Blooper!"''
===[[Bonetail]]===
*''"That's Bonetail. She's the older sister of Hooktail... So old she's just bones, in fact. Wow. Now THAT'S old. Her body's Max HP is 200, her Attack is 8, and her Defense is 2. She has various breaths that might confuse us or put us to sleep. When her HP gets low, she'll recover... or reanimate, as the case may be. She's probably stronger than your basic final-boss type, seriously! Let's do this right!"''
===[[Bowser]]===
*''"That's Bowser! But what's he doing here?! My mind just blew a fuse! Max HP is 30, Attack is 3, and Defense is 1. He's uglier than I expected. He's got a poisonous bite, so watch out! It'll make your HP decrease gradually. Also, if he ground-pounds you, you won't be able to use one of your commands! Just focus your attention on beating him down, Mario!"''
*''"That's Bowser, genius. You've only fought this guy, like, a bazillion times. He'll keep kidnapping Peach, and you'll keep fighting him, until the end of time, I think. Max HP is 70, Attack is 7, and Defense is 2. In addition to his fire breath, he jumps on you and bites. If you get jumped on, you'll be unable to use a command for a little while. Oh, and his bite sometimes poisons you as well. I don't know what Bowser's doing here, but we gotta defeat him quick!"''
===[[Cortez]]===
*''"That's Cortez! He's the dreaded pirate spirit who haunts the island! Max HP is 20, Attack is 4, and Defense is 1. His HP may seem low, but he's a spirit, so even when his HP hits 0, he'll come back. Plus, he has tons of different attacks. He's as tough and scary as he looks. I'd say just keep damaging him, and sooner or later he'll go down for good! Let's give this tormented spirit some eternal rest!"''
===[[Doopliss]]===
*''"Huh? Wow, how totally bizarre... This thing isn't listed in here. There's a monster in here that looks like this thing...but it doesn't list a name. Max HP is 40, Attack is 4, and Defense is 0. It's apparently really good at transforming itself and other things. Maybe it used that power to turn the villagers into pigs! This thing is a real jerk!"''
*''"That's Doopliss. He's a shape-shifter, and even turned into you once, Mario! Max HP is 40, Attack is 6, and Defense is 0. He may turn into one of us and attack. When he does, he'll have our abilities! Hey, how do you think he became one of the Three Shadows? Isn't that...weird? How do you think he stands Beldam's abuse? You think he's all right in the head?"''
===[[Gloomtail]]===
*''"That's Gloomtail. I think he's Hooktail's brother. I see the family resemblance... Max HP is 80, Attack is 8, and Defense is 2. He'll bite or stomp you, and he may also breathe poison on you. Great. When his HP gets low, he may throw in some other attacks as well. Wouldn't surprise me. Especially watch out for his megabreath move, 'cause the word is it's GNARLY! He also stores power for some attacks, so use Vivian to hide to avoid those."''
===[[Gold Fuzzy]]===
*''"That's a Gold Fuzzy. Whoa, those are super rare! I'm serious! Wow! Max HP is 10, Attack is 1, and Defense is 0. Oh, but hey! Even though it's a Fuzzy, it won't suck up your HP, which is nice. I have to wonder though... How does this thing hide? Look at it! It's so gaudy!"''
====[[Fuzzy Horde]]====
*''"It's a Fuzzy Horde! Look at 'em all! What a mob scene! The fuzz is abuzz! Max HP is 20, Attack is 1, and Defense is 0. Fuzzies come at you all at once and attack in order. Says here not to freak out! It also says that if you use good timing to defend, you won't take much damage. I'm thinking it might just be faster to whip the ringleader though, y'know?"''
===[[Gus]]===
*''"That's Gus. He's super annoying and tries to take tolls from everyone. Max HP is 20, Attack is 3, and Defense is 0. All in all, he's pretty tough. Oh, and I'm sure it's super obvious... but that pointy spear of his hurts if you stomp on it. I wonder if this guy watches people pass 365 days a year. Talk about a workaholic."''
===[[Hooktail]]===
*''"That's Hooktail! Max HP is 20, Attack is 5, and Defense is 1. She'll stomp and munch on you, and she has a more dragonish attack—stinky, fiery breath! She's tricky, especially when she's losing, and she'll try to fool you into being merciful. Oh, yeah, and one more thing. She hates things that start with "f" and end with "rog". Supposedly, there's something related to that somewhere in this castle. Did we find it?"''
===[[Kammy Koopa]]===
*''"That's Kammy Koopa. She's an evil old witch who's always helping Bowser out. Max HP is 50, Attack is 5, and Defense is 0. She uses magic to raise her Attack and Defense or get electrified or invisible. When her HP gets low, she may also use magic to restore HP. Her magic is totally annoying, so take her out before you focus on Bowser. Still, you gotta feel for her, having to hang out with Bowser all the time... Or do you think Bowser has a harder time enduring her?"''
===[[Lord Crump]]===
*''"That's Lord Crump. Not this guy again... Ugh. Max HP is 30, Attack is 3, and Defense is 0. He just attacks normally, so don't worry much about him... But...those X-Nauts all around him are a force to be reckoned with. They're going to attack us with all kinds of weird moves, I can just FEEL it! If we take out their leader though, they won't have the focus to attack. Get Crump!"''
====[[X-Nauts (platoon)|X-Nauts]]====
*''"That's an X-Naut platoon. Crump commands them all. Where'd they come from? Their Max HP depends on their condition, but Attack is 5 and Defense is 0. They're gonna come at us with coordinated group maneuvers, I'm sure. But they're pretty wimpy, so we should be able to handle it, don'tcha think?"''
===[[Macho Grubba]]===
*''"That's Macho Grubba. He's Grubba all souped-up on Crystal Star power. Max HP is 60, Attack is 4, and Defense is 0. His attack pattern is simple—first he increases the number of times he can attack... Then he powers himself up with all sorts of wild, power-uppy moves. So, it's pretty important to pay close attention to how he's powered himself up. The wildest thing about this musclehead is that he was just regular ol' Grubba a moment ago... I guess the Crystal Stars really ARE powerful!"''
===[[Magnus von Grapple]]===
*''"That's Magnus von Grapple. It's a giant robot built by the X-Nauts. Lord Crump drives it. Max HP is 30, Attack is 2, and Defense is 1. Its most effective attack is one that takes advantage of its size—a smothering stomp. It can also shoot out its fists, which do these super-gnarly rocket punches. Its fists have Max HP of 2, an Attack of 4, and Defense of 0. Its fists are super powerful, so it's best to knock them down fast. The thing about this robot is I can't tell if it looks cool, or really, REALLY stupid... And we're not even going to discuss the color."''
===[[Magnus von Grapple 2.0]]===
*''"Ah! Magnus von Grapple 2.0. The upgraded version of Magnus von Grapple. Max HP is 70, Attack is 6, and Defense is 2. Its basic Attack is a drill move that drops from above. It also sometimes releases its fists for flying X-Punches. Each X-Punch has a Max HP of 5, and Attack of 9, and a Defense of 0. When those fists are flying, you may get attacked by the fists and body in one turn... Take care of those low-HP fists early on—trust me. When the body's HP gets low, it'll also fire machine guns and who knows what else. It may not look too different from the last version, but it's much stronger, so be careful! I still think the whole design is a little ridiculous though..."''
===[[Marilyn]]===
*''"That's Marilyn. She's one of the Three Shadows, Beldam's younger sister. Max HP is 12, Attack is 2, and Defense is 0. She charges up her attacks occasionally. Says here she's the toughest of the sisters, so it might be best to defeat her first, huh? Other than that, she doesn't have any particularly outstanding characteristics."''
*''"That's Marilyn. She's Beldam's sister, another one of the Three Shadows. Max HP is 40, Attack is 7, and Defense is 0. She'll attack you directly or use lightning. She also saves up energy for a big attack sometimes. So long as you avoid the brunt of her attacks, she shouldn't be too tough..."''
===[[Prince Mush]]===
*''"That's Prince Mush, the original champion of the Glitz Pit! He's finally making his comeback! He's got a Max HP of 96, an Attack of 6, and a Defense of 6. You'd never guess that he was kept away from fighting for such a long time. He's still a powerhouse. He's known for being a clean fighter, so he'll come straight at you without relying on dirty tricks. He's also known to switch between different battle styles. Just keep an eye on his stance! When he changes it up, we'll have to think fast and come up with a good attack method. And if you're not sure you'll come out on top, try to rely on Superguards! Also, I've heard he's not a fan of cake. What's the story there, hm? Some cake-based trauma in his past? Whatever. If you can manage to beat this guy, you'll become the true, unrivalled champion!"''
===[[Rawk Hawk]]===
*''"That's Rawk Hawk! He flips, flaps, and slaps! That's what the book says. Max HP is 40, Attack is 4, and Defense is 0. He's really good at aerial maneuvers, but other than that, he's pretty... meh. One thing you should know is that Rawk Hawk NEVER fights above the board. Carelessness leads to lifelessness, y'know!"''
===[[Shadow Queen]]===
*''"Omigosh, what happened? I can't believe Peach got possessed! That's AWFUL! Now she's...the Shadow Queen. The demon that destroyed this town 1,000 years ago. Max HP is 150, Attack is 7, and Defense is 0. She'll unleash big lightning attacks. She'll also use magic to raise Attack and Defense, or to absorb HP... She might even try to drag us into the darkness... I don't feel good about attacking Peach, but we have to do SOMETHING! Don't think of it as Peach! We just have to fight to the end! C'MON!"''
*''"That's the Shadow Queen! Wow, she's scary...but we gotta hold our ground! Max HP is 150, Attack is 7, and Defense is 1. She'll use lightning magic and boost her own Attack and Defense power. And if she uses her breath on us, we could be poisoned, confused, or lose power-ups! But...the worst is when she saves energy for a big attack! That... is... GNARLY! We'd do best to just avoid it by hiding in the shadows with Vivian, I think. Boy, and not only is her body scary, but her hands are pretty mean as well. She has several attack patterns, so watch closely to see what's coming! Now, Mario! Let's do it! This is it, our final battle! Let's give it all we've got!"''
===[[Sir Grodus]]===
*''"That's Grodus! He's the head of the X-Nauts who kidnapped Peach. Max HP is 50, Attack is 7, and Defense is 1. But...when he has Grodus Xs surrounding him, his Defense will go up by that number. He may also use electricity, fire, and time-stopping magic. That doesn't sound good! Still, he's a totally weird guy. Why's he so intense and serious all the time? I guess we don't have time to worry about that. Let's beat him and find Peach!"''
====[[Grodus X]]====
*''"That's a Grodus X. It protects Grodus. Max HP is 3, Attack is 4, and Defense is 0. This guy is no problem on its own, but Grodus's Defense goes up for each of them. When he has four surrounding him, we won't be able to damage him at all. So let's dish out some hurt to them while we pound on Grodus. Got it?"''
===[[Smorg]]===
*''"That's a Smorg. Lots of Smorgs gathered to create this huge monster. Max HP is 50, Attack is 5, and Defense is 1. It attacks with weird tentacles. We won't do any damage to the main body unless we defeat the tentacles first. That's simple biology. The tentacles will regenerate, but use that time to deal a ton of damage, OK? It may also take other forms that expose more of its gross body but boost its Attack power! Let's just hurry and beat this thing down so we can save those trapped passengers!"''
===[[Vivian]]===
*''"That's Vivian. She's the youngest of the Three Shadows. Max HP is 10, Attack is 1, and Defense is 0. She doesn't seem all that noteworthy. Uh... She is kinda cute, I guess... She might even be cuter than I am... I guess... Wow. I think I might be jealous."''
===[[Whacka]]===
*''"That's a Whacka. They're pretty rare, but you can also find them hiding in Keelhaul Key. He's got a Max HP of 108, and Attack of 10, and a Defense of 1. I never expected to run into one of these guys all the way down here! When he's attacked, he'll drop a Whacka Bump. Then he'll use that bump for a powerful attack of his own. That means we should try to use as few attacks as possible to keep him from dropping those Whacka Bumps! Seriously, I never expected to fight a Whacka. It's so hard to tell what they're thinking... I bet he gets really scary when he's mad... but I hope we don't find out."''

==Areas==
===Rogueport===
*''"This is Rogueport Harbor. Ships come here from all over the world! Everybody's always working their tails off down here. No wonder it's totally sweaty. Sometimes this area's all stacked high with cargo from all the ships. The water smells pretty rank, but that's, like, the magic of a port town, y'know?"''
*''"This is Rogueport's main square. It's sorta the central shopping area, I guess. There are lots of regular working folks here, but there are also ne'er-do-wells... If you venture into the back alleys, be ready to deal with some nasty sorts..."''
*''"This is Rogueport's east side. It's considered dangerous here, even for Rogueport! This is Ishnail's turf. He's the leader of a band of thieves called the Robbos. Then again, you can also find Merlon here. He can help your partners level up. Still, it's definitely too rough a place for a nonruffian like me to walk alone..."''
*''"This is Rogueport's west side. This is totally the friendlier face of Rogueport. Not that it's, y'know, a great place to raise a family, but it's good for Rogueport. The corner with the fountain is definitely the most restful spot in Rogueport. This area is controlled by the Pianta syndicate... Yeah. The parlor here is totally a front for the boss's "business.""''
*''"This is Rogueport Station. You can board intercity trains or blimps here. The Excess Express bound for Poshley Heights is nice and shiny, isn't it? Wow! I bet all the town kids are just DYING to ride it at least once, y'know? That blimp way over at the airfield looks super cool too. Blimps are awesome!"''

===Rogueport Underground===
*''"We're down below Rogueport. Folks say these are the ruins of a 1,000-year-old town. Even though these buildings are crumbling, some seem safer than those above us. The people living here mostly can't show their faces above for one reason or another. Some have actually started successful businesses here though! What a hardy bunch!"''
*''"Where are we? And why does this place look so... familiar?"''
*''"We're down below Rogueport. The current town was built on top of this ancient one. Pretty surprising to find all this down here, right? It kinda blows my mind... The ruins here are all crumbly and gnarly now, but it was once a great town, really."''
*''"Looks like some seawater's found its way in here, huh? Yeah, that's a health hazard. I bet some weird sea things live in there too... so try not to fall in the water, OK?"''
*''"We're down below Rogueport. I never knew the rooms down here were connected like this... Keep your eyes peeled for more gaps like that. If you spot any others, we should definitely check them out!"''
*''"Who knew the area under Rogueport extended so far? This place is a total maze! You really feel the grandness of that ancient civilization when you're down here..."''
*''"This is the site of the famed Thousand-Year Door. The air ripples with power... I read this was where the palace at the center of the ancient town was. Just a little fun fact, there..."''
*''"That's the entrance to the Pit of 100 Trials. No one knows how far down that pipe goes, but... it keeps me awake at night."''
*''"We're down below Rogueport. You could spend a lifetime studying secrets down here."''
*''"We're down below Rogueport. There's a pipe here that connects to Twilight Town!"''
*''"This is the house of the level adjuster, Chet Rippo. Whenever you want to adjust your levels or your partners' ranks, just come here, OK? Seriously, though, how many customers do you think he gets, living down here?"''
*''"This is Merlee the charmer's house. With her charms, you get random bonuses in battle. It costs a few coins, but I hear it's totally worth it."''
*''"We're down below Rogueport. There's nobody here. Huh! I wonder where they went?"''
*''"We're down below Rogueport. I think this is just your basic, garden-variety corridor. This must've been a nice walk when the whole town was aboveground..."''
*''"We're down below Rogueport. This corridor connects to the area above. Nice, huh? By the way, Mario...you know you can pass through iron bars by getting all papery thin, right?"''
*''"There's a black chest in the middle of the room. Y'know, in case you missed it. And, um... Yeah, there's just not much else, really."''
*''"Another room in here, huh? Wow. But what's the significance of it? An undiscovered chamber of purpose unknown... THIS is why I love archaeology!"''
*''"These spikes seem to rise and drop according to a set pattern... They must be here to keep out thieves, huh? Now THAT'S a security system! With good timing, if you ran while the spikes were down... you'd still be a shish kebab."''
*''"We're down below Rogueport. Y'know, this seems to be more than just a room... Nothing's ever what it seems down here, huh?"''

===Petal Meadows===
*''"Ah, the Petal Meadows. A plateau surrounded by hills far to the east of Rogueport. It's mild and pleasant here all year round. I love it! Doesn't it feel nice? Oh, hey, and Mario? If you hit a tree, sometimes something good falls out. I know that came out of left field, but I mean it! If you see a suspicious tree, smack it!"''
*''"Ah, the Petal Meadows. The scenery's super nice, but watch out for all the Goombas here. Make sure you've always got enough HP and FP to fight, will ya? Oh, and you can press  to check your stats too."'' <!-- displaced from original area -->
*''"This is Petal Meadows. The river running through here totally makes the air crisp and refreshing."''
*''"This path leads to Shhwonk Fortress. Is it just me, or is this area darker? There are enemies around, so if you feel weak, remember to take it easy, OK?"''
*''"This is part of Shhwonk Fortress. We got a couple pedestals here. That's it. It looks pretty decent, but this place is actually suuuper old, did you know that? I'd say it was built about... a thousand years ago. Yup. What vibrant ruins!"''
*''"The air here's a bit stale, don'tcha think? Oh yeah, and listen, Mario... Remember, you don't have to attack every enemy you see. If you have low HP, you might just wanna avoid them. That's Exploring 101, y'know?"''
*''"This is part of Shhwonk Fortress. We got a couple pedestals here. That's it. Still, to archaeologists, this place is a gold mine. I gotta come back sometime..."''
*''"The entrance to Shhwonk Fortress is close by. Say, Mario, have you heard about recovery blocks before? If your HP and FP are low, just hit one of them, OK?"''

===Shhwonk Fortress===
*''"This is Shhwonk Fortress. Suspicious statue... I'm pretty sure it's a Thwomp bust. Hey, I just remembered something I read about this place in a book! Whenever the villagers were confronted with a monster, they'd hide in this fortress... I guess there's a little bit of history everywhere you look, huh, Mario?"''
*''"We're in Shhwonk Fortress. All this water has made the place a little cold... I wouldn't mind getting out of here for some fresh air soon, you know what I mean?"''
*''"There sure are a lot of Fuzzies living here in Shhwonk Fortress... I saw one a minute ago, and I thought it was a ghost! I totally hate dark places..."''
*''"We're in Shhwonk Fortress. My shoes are totally soaked through now... Just great. Plus, it's dark and confining and it smells totally bad... This place is not cool, Mario."''
*''"All this moisture makes this place really moldy smelling. And what's that other stink? Is that what wet Fuzzy smells like? I think I'm gonna totally barf."''
*''"We're in Shhwonk Fortress. This room is damp and moldy too. Like every other one. I just wanna see the sun again. Is that so wrong?"''

===Petalburg===
*''"This is Petalburg. It's nice and warm here, and the air is sooo clean... Such a peaceful hamlet... There's a shop and an inn, so you buy stuff and rest. Oh, and one more thing... The river's pretty, but fall in and Nibbles will getcha!"''
*''"This is Petalburg. The warm weather makes the locals laid-back and happy. Wow, and talk about unique personalities... Very... individualistic, to put it nicely. Or not so nicely... Downright kooky..."''

===Hooktail Castle===
*''"This is the entrance to Hooktail Castle. There's a Save Block here! We should use it, don'tcha think?"''
*''"Looks like the bridge has been out for a while. Even so, this castle just seems so... majestic, y'know? It's so big and... strange."''
*''"This is a corridor in Hooktail Castle. Can't say I'm a fan of the bone-pile decor. I don't really wanna have my bones end up here, Mario. How about we move on?"''
*''"I guess that's a dungeon beyond us... Ick... There are bones scattered everywhere. Mmm... Mold and dust... Great. You could totally choke on the stench in this place... *HAAAAAACK*"''
*''"This must be the great hall of Hooktail Castle. I'd say it's the center of the castle. This place is so full of traps and dangers..."''
*''"This is Hooktail Castle. You feel that upward-moving draft in here? Wow, sure is a big castle. Who do you think built it? So many questions!"''
*''"These are the dungeons of Hooktail Castle. I don't think they're in use, but...yuck."''
*''"What a totally weird room. There's just gotta be something hidden here. Then again, EVERY room in this castle is totally weird..."''
*''"This is Hooktail Castle. There's an upward-moving draft in this room too. Of course, tons of bones lying around too. This place needs a decorator, STAT! You never know which bones are gonna attack, so careful where you walk, OK?"''
*''"This is Hooktail Castle. The door up on that platform to the right is hard to reach."''
*''"Mario, take a look at this! It's like you could reach out and touch the sky, huh? Looking out from the heights makes my head go goomby... I mean... I mean goony!"''
*''"This is Hooktail's lair. Yup, the highest chamber in the castle! Now, where's Hooktail, huh? Hmmm... Y'know, maybe we should be glad it's not around at the moment..."''
*''"This is Hooktail's treasure room. Ms. Mowz was looking for something here, but I don't think there's anything left."''
*''"This is a hidden room in Hooktail Castle. Who knew there was a room in here? Well... I guess secret rooms are supposed to be secret..."''

===Boggly Woods===
*''"These are the Boggly Woods. Kind of a dreamily pretty place, isn't it? It'd be nicer if it weren't crawling with enemies... But whatcha gonna do?"''
*''"You see that big tree over there? It's REALLY big... It's kind of otherworldly, actually. Wild..."''
*''"Boggly Woods is a great name for this place. The trees, the flowers... even the GROUND boggles the mind! It's a pretty kind of boggling though. And from a high-up spot? Ooh, baby! I'm talkin' PEAK prettiness!"''
*''"This is the outer part of the Boggly Woods. The flowers are almost like a carpet! Hey, and isn't it totally rare to find a white-leaved tree? What kind of tree is that?"''
*''"What a totally nice house! Super coordination between the red walls and furniture. I'm so jealous it's not even funny. I have like, NO sense of interior decoration."''
*''"Ooh, AND a canopy bed! I'm sooo jealous! Argh! I'd DIE to have one! And all the furniture here is so stylish! It's, like, TEARING ME APART! Interior decoration is all about balance, and this... place... has... got it!"''
*''"These are the Boggly Woods. Pretty surreal, huh? Looks like it's out of a picture book. It's pretty... but in an eerie sort of way, y'know?"''

===The Great Tree===
*''"The base of the Great Tree! It sure is big up close... I mean... Wowser. Seriously. It must have watched over the Boggly Woods for over 1,000 years. That's unbelievable..."''
*''"It's like another world inside this tree, huh?! And check out these statues! They must've been left by the ancestors of the Punies. I wonder how many years the Punies have lived in this place, anyway... These are the kinds of questions archaeologists have to ask, y'know."''
*''"This is an interesting pedestal, Mario. The ancient Punies must've been really sophisticated... This is totally fascinating!"''
*''"There's a red cell and a blue cell here. Crump must've made 'em to hold the Punies. With gaps like those between the bars, I think we could get through though..."''
*''"Looks like Crump left behind lots of the equipment he used to search this tree. Ms. Mowz was here before, but I think she took the next train to Flirtsville."''
*''"Bubbles keep floating up from the water at the bottom... Weird. That door on the left is interesting too. If we turn that nearby panel's light green, it should let us enter!"''
*''"We're inside the Great Tree. This area has a totally whacked-out topography."''
*''"This is a shop run by a Puni named Pungent. I wonder if there are any rare items..."''
*''"Hey, there's water running through the inside of the Great Tree! You don't think... Could this be how the tree carries nutrients from root to limb? Y'know, nature is just about the coolest thing ever."''
*''"This area seems to have been laid out for a special reason, don't you think? There must be something super important hidden here."''
*''"That's a big treasure chest... The Punies must've left it... What could it be, you think? Well... Only one way to find out, am I right?"''
*''"This must be one of the most wide-open spaces inside the Great Tree, huh? The tree looks big from out there, but I lose all sense of dimension in here... I could totally get lost in here for, like, days..."''
*''"I wonder if the inside of the tree was always like this... I mean, do you think it was, or do you think someone MADE it this way? Hmmm... It's a mystery..."''
*''"We've come down pretty far. The air is a bit colder here, don'tcha think? The technology used here is pretty intense too. I wish I had more time to inspect it."''
*''"This must be the lowest chamber. Saying it's solemn here is an understatement. Under these statues' glares... I feel like the Punies' ancestors are watching us..."''
*''"This door was made by Crump and his cronies. It doesn't match the decor of this tree at all. We should be able to pass through it when the lamp over the door is green. Use the controls on that side panel!"''
*''"This area makes me feel like I'm exploring a watery swamp even though we're in a tree..."''
*''"The structure of this tree is pretty complicated... If we want to move forward, we'll have to make full use of our shared abilities...including the Punies! We're gonna seriously need to use our thinking caps as we go forward..."''
*''"We're inside the Great Tree. Grasses and other plants grow in here. Isn't that cool? You think the Great Tree is like a... host organism? Biology is just SO cool..."''
*''"The Punies are totally afraid of these Piders. When a Pider drops, the Punies completely lose it and bolt in every direction. You're gonna have to defeat any Piders near the path you wanna lead the Punies along."''
*''"We're inside the Great Tree. Looks like lots of tufts of vegetation around here. Stuff could be hidden in those things, so let's make sure to check each one, OK?"''

===Glitzville and Glitz Pit===
*''"Yup, this is Glitzville. It's so exotic— it feels like we're in another country! This is like an entertainment hub that attracts visitors from all over the world. The Glitz Pit is, obviously, the main attraction. That's where fighters duke it out. There's also the fresh-juice shop. And the souvenir shop. And the hot- dog stand too! Let's visit 'em all!"''
*''"This is the Glitz Pit lobby. It's pretty nice, actually! Sturdily built, nice decor. And what can you say about that luxurious chandelier except... FABULOUS!"''
*''"This is the Glitz Pit itself! That's the ring in the middle. That's where all the magic happens. And by "magic,"I mean brutal beatdowns."''
*''"This is a backstage corridor. Compared to the Glitz Pit, this is so... businesslike. There's security all OVER, so you can't just wander around wherever you want..."''
*''"This is the promoter's room. It's fitting... It has sort of a relaxed authority, y'know? This is where the pairings for each match get decided. Neat!"''
*''"I think we're above the ceiling. It's a bit cramped in here... and dark too."''
*''"This is the Glitz Pit storeroom. They must keep props or something in here. There's a second floor too. If you see anything odd, don't forget your partners..."''
*''"This is the champ's room. Yeah... This has to be, like, the WORST decorating ever! Like that tiger-print bed... I mean, COME ON! Think Rawk Hawk designed it? Or maybe Grubba? It couldn't be... Jolene? "''
*''"This is a major-league locker room. Everybody here dreams of reaching the top... You can almost feel the intensity of their ambition in the air... It's weird... Speaking of weirdness, there's ALWAYS someone in the bathroom. Creepy! Y'know, it's kinda necessary to have access to a bathroom now and then..."''
*''"This is a major-league locker room. Everybody here dreams of reaching the top... You can almost feel the intensity of their ambition in the air... It's weird... And so is the bathroom in here! It connects to the locker room on the other side of the building... You're the plumber here... Is that how bathroom pipes are supposed to work?"''
*''"This is another locker room for major-league competitors. It's opposite the other one. Why was there a hidden room behind the lockers, anyway? What would it be used for? Mysteries are totally everywhere in the Glitz Pit!"''
*''"This is a minor-league locker room. It's kind of, uh... Well, it's pretty disgusting. It's totally different from the first room they showed. The old bait-and-switch... You think they make it totally gross so fighters will try harder to advance?"''
*''"This is a minor-league locker room. It's just as gnarly as the one we were in. If you check the lockers or behind the posters, I bet you'll find odd graffiti or busted walls..."''
*''"This is the storeroom. There are lots of wooden crates here, that's for sure. But it doesn't seem to be in use now, does it? I mean, it's COVERED in dust!"''
*''"We're in the ventilation duct. It's really cramped in here. And musty. And dank."''

===Twilight Town===
*''"This is Twilight Town. It's twilight here, which I guess makes sense, huh? That big moon gives me the heebie-jeebies. I guess the sky here is always the same... No morning, noon, or night... Wouldn't perpetual dusk get a little, like, boring?"''
*''"This is Twilight Town. The people here are just as shadowy as the sky... I wonder if I'd get that way if I lived here long enough? Gross. Still, I guess being all gothed-out is better than being a pig..."''

===Twilight Trail===
*''"This is Twilight Trail. Kind of a depressing little road, don'tcha think? I feel like something bad's GOTTA be at the end of it. Maybe I'm just superstitious."''
*''"This is more of Twilight Trail. A lot of enemies around here, seems like. Hey, by the way, Mario... Is it me, or has the moon been getting bigger? Not... Not that I'm scared or anything! R-really!"''
*''"This is Twilight Trail. Looks like some seriously spooky woods over there. I hear some of the villagers go there to collect herbs. That's totally reckless... I'd NEVER go someplace like that on my own, not for a million coins!"''
*''"We're in the woods now. It's really dark here, so watch where you step..."''
*''"I feel like something's just gonna pop out of that thicket and attack us! Like what? Well, it could be... Stop it! I don't wanna think about what it might be! S-s-scary..."''
*''"Yup, still in the woods... It's getting awfully dark around here... If there were, like, a big hole in the ground, you'd probably fall in without seeing it. Flurrie would float right over it, so I'm sure SHE'S not worried..."''

===Creepy Steeple===
*''"This is Creepy Steeple. Seeing it in the moonlight gives me the willies... It looks like a ghost could just pop out at any minute. No way I'm going in there. Uh... Although, I guess since YOU'RE with me, Mario... I'll give it my best..."''
*''"We're inside Creepy Steeple. At least the moon provides a LITTLE light, y'know? This place seems super old, huh? I'd like to research it... as soon as it's not haunted."''
*''"This is a courtyard of Creepy Steeple. Pretty decent breeze out here, huh?"''
*''"This is a courtyard of Creepy Steeple. Boy, that garden could use some love."''
*''"Wow, interesting staircase... Hmmm... Just one staircase, but three doors... What's the story with THAT, you think? Lazy architects?"''
*''"This winding stair leads up to the belfry. Talk about a doozy of a climb! I mean, it's almost like the staircase is saying... "Go away. I totally hate you.""''
*''"This is the belfry of Creepy Steeple. Every time this bell rung, a villager would be turned into a pig..."''
*''"This appears to be the Creepy Steeple storeroom. Sheesh, have a few cobwebs! I'm not so good with ghosts OR spiders, to be honest... and ghost spiders... Horrible."''
*''"Who knew we could get down here from up there? Wow! This room's well hidden. Talk about minimal decor—one jump pad and one door. Think there's anything else?"''
*''"This is an underground corridor in Creepy Steeple. The flames are kinda freaky. The fact that they're burning means someone must've been here recently though."''
*''"This is an underground room in Creepy Steeple. There's a parrot here, but no people. That parrot must get pretty bored with no one around. Think he talks to himself?"''
*''"This is the well's bottom... but it seems to have dried up. Which is good for us. There's a corridor leading out of here... Smells like a puzzle to me, Mario!"''
*''"I gotta say, I'm outta ideas. I mean, you can't pull it out, push it away, hammer it... What should we do, Mario? Hmm... I got nothing. I'm thinking we probably oughta just leave it for now."''
*''"Who knew the bottom of the well connected to this place? Sneaky, sneaky... I wonder if Doopliss knew about this passage?"''

===Keelhaul Key===
*''"This is Keelhaul Key. The sun's brutal, as you'd expect on a southern isle. Blue skies... White clouds... I've always wanted to take an island vacation. Don't you just wanna yell, "Hey, stupid ocean! Look at me! I'm on vacation!""''
*''"This is a shantytown built by Pa-Patch and some of the sailors who came with us. Blue ocean, sandy beaches... A shop, an inn... You could live pretty comfily here. You'd always have to worry about harmful UV rays though, y'know?"''
*''"This is a totally thick jungle. The flora in this area is unique to tropical regions."''
*''"We're in the jungle on Keelhaul Key. It's complex... Switchback paths and stuff... Let's keep our eyes open as we explore this place! You never know what might pop out..."''
*''"Wow, nice rope bridge, huh? I don't think I'll be looking down while we cross though. Being able to see the water through the slats makes my belly go bleeeeeeeeah! Whoa. Hang on. I'm a little woozy. I might faint..."''
*''"Here are the red 'stache and blue 'stache statues. Hey, kinda like you and Luigi! The smaller one's like you, and the taller one's like Luigi. Are they... looking at us?"''
*''"We're in the jungle on Keelhaul Key... and a fairly deep part of it, at that. Lots of rocks of different sizes too."''

===Pirate's Grotto===
*''"This is the deepest part of Pirate's Grotto. Seems like maybe all of the ships that capsized near here ended up in this cavern. I wonder if Cortez's ship was the first to end up down in these caverns..."''
*''"This is the inside of Cortez's ship. Cortez must be inside that next room, huh?"''
*''"This is Cortez's room, all right. I guess you'd call this the captain's cabin. Sure is a lot of treasure in here... You could live many lives of luxury with this... And I'll tell you, lots of this stuff has archaeological value as well... You think maybe we could pocket a little bit without Cortez noticing?"''
*''"This is the entrance to Pirate's Grotto. There's gotta be something good in there. Considering how hard it is to get in, there sure as heck BETTER be!"''
*''"We're inside Pirate's Grotto. Looks like we can go down from here... Aside from jump pads, there's not much else here."''
*''"Yikes! Talk about unsteady footing! You could totally wipe out easily here. Oh, and watch out for those spikes that pop out, OK? They... would probably hurt."''
*''"We're inside Pirate's Grotto. Pirates must have built the bridges and sluice gate here. There's also a waterfall flowing from above. Careful not to lose your footing."''
*''"This is a storage area... Looks like the pirates left tons of stuff here. The switch in front there lifts and lowers cargo."''
*''"It's totally weird to walk around down here... I mean, PIRATES lived here... The scourge of the seas... I wonder where their souls are wandering now..."''
*''"We're inside Pirate's Grotto. Uh... You can probably tell, but this room looks empty."''
*''"We're inside one of the abandoned ships. There's a black chest here. Now that I mention it... why do we keep running into these black chests? Weird."''
*''"We're inside Pirate's Grotto. There's a sunken ship here. Maybe there's something good inside? 'Cause that's how it always is in video games ...right?"''
*''"Jumping around on barrels and sinking ship fragments... This is pretty gnarly. So, let's take it easy and not get too careless, OK?"''
*''"Watch out for those spikes! Yeah, the thing about spikes is... they really hurt."''
*''"We're inside Pirate's Grotto. Lots of sunken ships floating around here, huh?"''
*''"There's a couple of Bill Blasters at the end of this corridor. Someone really wants to keep us out! You know what? Who cares! CAN'T STOP US, SUCKERS! Let's get going, Mario."''
*''"We're inside Pirate's Grotto. This is a looooong corridor. There are two Bill Blasters at the end of this corridor too. They don't want us here!"''

===Excess Express===
*''"This is the engineer's car of the Excess Express. Any kid would LOVE to see this! Look at me, Mario! I'm an engineer! WOOP WOOOOOP! Hey, but driving a train is really nothing to joke about. I totally respect engineers!"''
*''"This is a passenger car. The green and brown colors actually work here. Wow. There are two passenger cabins here, numbers one and two."''
*''"This is a passenger car. Orange and brown decor... That actually looks good! The passenger cabins here are numbered three, four, and five, in case you forgot your numbers."''
*''"This is cabin five... which is our cabin! If we need to rest, the bunk in here is super comfy. Train naps are the best."''
*''"This is the dining car. There also seems to be a cute little shop here. Dining and shopping while watching scenery go by... Talk about heavenly..."''
*''"This is a passenger car. The blue and brown interior here is totally chic. The passenger cabins here are numbered six, seven, and eight. But you knew that."''
*''"This is the baggage car. Usually, passengers aren't allowed back here. Looks like there's a lot of cargo here, ready to be unloaded at the next stop."''
*''"This is the train's roof. Look at that scenery go whipping by! Wowser! Look, this is no time for me to be describing stuff! These guys are so ANNOYING! They're flippy and floppy and gross and I HATE them! Let's get rid of them! "''

===Riverside Station===
*''"This is Riverside Station. It's one of the places where the Excess Express stops. This place is famous for its scenic beauty... It's the sunsets, you know. Just one more of the many pleasures Excess Express passengers get to enjoy."''
*''"We're inside Riverside Station. It's an old brick building with natural warmth. Its antique elevator is totally charming too. I am in LOVE with that thing! You think it works though? I'm not that fond of getting trapped in elevators..."''
*''"We're inside Riverside Station. This place has been out of use for a while, I think. I love those solitary lightbulbs hanging from the ceiling. It's so shabby chic."''
*''"This is the other side of the big clock. Lots of endlessly moving gears... A lonely clock, counting out the endless progression of hours, heard by no one..."''
*''"We're on the outer stairs. It's nice to step outside the station and get some fresh air! Hey, Mario...can we just take in this killer sunset for a while before our next bad-guy appointment?"''
*''"This is the Riverside Station garbage dump. Talk about an annoying place to navigate! And it smells like rotting Goomnuts... It's amazing how much people throw away."''
*''"This is the Riverside Station office... but there doesn't seem to be anyone here. Hey, and now that I think of it, why would they put an office down here anyway? Or was I not supposed to bring that up?"''
*''"This is the Riverside Station records room. They file all station business here. Or at least I think they do. Yup, these are probably files."''

===Poshley Heights and Poshley Sanctum===
*''"This is the Poshley Heights Station. The Excess Express to Rogueport is here. This place is sooooo upscale. It's, like, the polar opposite of Rogueport. You can tell that movie stars and millionaires live here. It just REEKS of cash."''
*''"That's Poshley Sanctum. I guess the sanctum grounds are used as a public square. That fountain out front is unique, huh? Yeah, but that water... I bet Nibbles would still chomp your tush if you fell in..."''
*''"This is Poshley Sanctum. It sure is spacious inside! ECHO ...echo...echo... Does Pennington really live here alone? I bet it's hard to clean this place..."''
*''"Is this part of Poshley Sanctum too? Exactly how does all of this work? Well, whatever... This must be the secret resting place of the Crystal Star. Based on his reactions, I'd say that Pennington didn't even know about this..."''
*''"This is Poshley Heights. It's a relaxed town that positively reeks of money. There's a very nice hotel here too. Wouldn't it be nice to stay there sometime?"''

===Fahr Outpost===
*''"This slowly falling snow is totally beautiful, but it's super, SUPER cold out here! If I lived here long enough, I'd probably turn into an abominable Goomba..."''
*''"This is part of Fahr Outpost. It's a village full of Bob-ombs. How do they survive out in this cold anyway? Don't their fuses freeze off? You'd think these people would be bitter, living here... But they all look just fine!"''
*''"This is part of Fahr Outpost. There's a shop and an inn here, so that's something... They have a huge, cannonlike monument over there too. Very Bob-ombish!"''
*''"Say, Mario, did you know... walking in the snow leaves really cool footprints! Thing is, the snow's falling so hard, they totally disappear quickly."''
*''"Hey, Mario, check it out! I can totally see my breath! Must be really cold, huh? That is just SO awesome! I grew up in a warm place, so this is totally new to me!"''

===The Moon===
*''"We're on the moon! Awesome! The moon I always look up at, can you believe it? I mean, I heard they'd put a Goomba on the moon, but who knew WE'D get here? Boy, nothing's impossible on your adventures, Mario! You are the COOLEST!"''
*''"Boy, I guess there are pretty much just rocks on the moon. I guess I knew that, but it's still kind of disappointing. <small>Lousy, boring moon...</small>"''
*''"There's a weird-looking building off in the distance. Why would THAT be here?"''
*''"The stars sure are pretty here. I wonder if I can find my favorite constellation... I'm such a totally shameless romantic, it's not even funny."''
*''"You see the Moon Clefts that live up here? You think they live on green cheese, Mario? You know I'm kidding, right? I'm not that much of a cheeseball... get it? <small>I'm still upset there are only rocks here.</small>"''
*''"Hey, Mario! Did you see that? I saw a comet or something! It was all, like, "PSHOOWEE!" Should I try and make three wishes, do you think? I wish for... Hee hee hee! That's TOP SECRET!"''

===X-Naut Fortress===
*''"This is the X-Naut Fortress. This seems like a way to get in and out. The stars are really pretty out here... or what you can see of them through these fortress windows, anyway."''
*''"This is a fortress corridor. An elevator connects it to the lower floors. I guess this fortress extends pretty far beneath the surface of the moon, huh? I mean, I hate Grodus, but I gotta give him some props for a pretty cool evil hideout."''
*''"This room looks like it was meant to store something... It's booby-trapped, I think."''
*''"This looks like a storage room for valuables. The crane can grab stuff up there. It should work if you set a gear in place and press those buttons in order... I'm sure you can handle it. It's not exactly moon-rocket science, here."''
*''"What's this room for, huh? I feel like I've seen that face somewhere before... Hmmm... Oh well, forget about it, I guess."''
*''"This room looks like it was meant to store something... It's booby-trapped, I think. If you wander off the correct path, it looks like you'll take damage, don'tcha think?"''
*''"This is Grodus's lab. He must have his researchers work on various potions here. I don't think we should touch any of this stuff though... One wrong move and... KABOOOOOOM! Know what I mean?"''
*''"This looks like some kinda teleporter. Who knows where that thing would send us! Maybe that's what the X-Nauts use to go between the moon and the earth. I think we have to press the button and then stand on the platform to use it."''
*''"This looks like a lab for genetic experimentation... Maybe Yux were made here... I guess they must have some pretty advanced technology if they can do stuff like that."''
*''"This is a changing room. I guess even X-Nauts have to change out of their uniforms... But what do you think they look like under those suits? I'm... not gonna think about it. There's a ventilation duct in the ceiling at one end... That's not good for privacy!"''
*''"This place is a bit overdone, huh? It just screams, "Hey! I'm an evil mastermind!" I wonder if poor Princess Peach got dragged in here before?"''
*''"What's this room for, huh? Is it some kind of office for the X-Naut boss or what? Boy, and what's with these tanks full of Nibbles? Jeepers, that creeps me out..."''
*''"This room looks like it was meant to store something... It's booby-trapped, I think."''
*''"This is the X-Naut factory. I think they make all kinds of stuff here. It's pretty complicated, what with the crane and the pipe, and all those gears... Maybe we should just take this room one bit at a time, don'tcha think?"''
*''"This is where they built Magnus von Grapple and Magnus von Grapple 2.0. But there doesn't seem to be anything here now... Nope. Let's go, Mario."''
*''"This is a... shower room? I guess every evil-guy base of ultimate doom needs one... Just because you're evil doesn't mean you enjoy BO, y'know what I mean?"''
*''"Wonder what this room's for? There are beds and lockers, but we can't nap here... There's nothing else, really. The weird thing is it kind of smells nice in here, huh? Why do you think that is?"''
*''"This is the computer room. This must be where Princess Peach met with TEC."''
*''"There are four terminals here. Is this part of a locking mechanism for the door? There must be something pretty important behind this door to have such security..."''
*''"Who knew there'd be such a weird building on the moon... It's almost unbelievable, actually. At least it's got a big glass dome to keep all of the air from leaking out... What's that? Yeah, now that you mention it, I guess we were OK out there with no air to breathe. ...Yeah, I'd rather not think about that too much, I guess. Let's change the subject. "''

===Palace of Shadow===
*''"This is the entrance to the Palace of Shadow. It's seen no visitors for 1,000 years... It's so big. It kind of overwhelms you, doesn't it? I don't like the vibe from this place... Maybe it's just my nerves."''
*''"There's a long stairway connected to this underground lake. Those lights floating in the darkness are really pretty... but also pretty spooky."''
*''"We're inside the Palace of Shadow. There's a long corridor leading down. This palace sure is big and super-rich looking, huh? I wonder what kind of people lived here before the place slept for 1,000 years?"''
*''"We're inside the Palace of Shadow. This is a corridor, I think... Don't let the enemies and traps distract you!"''
*''"We're inside the Palace of Shadow. There's a large bridge over the lake here. Those fire bars in the middle are kind of a problem, huh? We'd better avoid them. If you're all sketched out trying to jump them, just use Vivian's Veil ability!"''
*''"What a humongous room... I'd say it was pretty, but even this place feels weird... It's like the whole palace got cursed or something. Did you just say "duh" to me?"''
*''"We're inside the Palace of Shadow. There's a long hall leading down from here. It kinda feels like the earth is slowly swallowing us as we progress down. Yuck."''
*''"We're inside the Palace of Shadow. There doesn't seem to be anything special here. Still, it has that same gross feeling... even though it's so nice and spacious..."''
*''"We're inside the Palace of Shadow. Seems normal... but I bet there's a secret here..."''
*''"This is the palace courtyard... but it feels so cold and icky. It's like time stopped here..."''
*''"How could there be such a huge tower underground? And why was it built? And why are there so many rooms? I love a good mystery, but this might be...too many mysteries..."''
*''"There's something written on the wall. Something tells me it's related to the history of this tower..." (repeated for each room in the tower)''
*''"We're inside the Palace of Shadow. This seems to be a corridor. I'm observant, huh? Listen, Mario... I know I've said this before, but don't forget that you're not in this alone. You should rely on your partners' abilities if you ever get stuck or anything."''
*''"The gears in the back of this room started moving when we unlocked that planetarium... Listen, Mario... We're gonna have to rely on everything we've learned to get through this. Just think about what we've been through, and I'm sure you'll find a way, OK?"''
*''"This is another corridor. I wonder how long these things go on? I'm sure we'll need all of your special skills AND those of your partners. Don't forget to use your strongest muscle too... Your noggin! Hee hee!"''
*''"We're inside the Palace of Shadow. This place is all about kooky puzzles, huh? You see those  marks in the middle of the corridor? They've GOTTA be important."''
*''"We're inside of the Palace of Shadow. This is another corridor. Big surprise. Take it from me... if you ever feel lost, the best thing to do is take a good, hard look at everything around you."''
*''"We're inside the Palace of Shadow. We must be WAY underground by now. I'm totally running out of advice at this point, sorry. I have advisor's block. Hey, but don't worry! Have faith in yourself and your friends, and we'll win!"''
*''"We're inside the Palace of Shadow. There doesn't seem to be any big puzzles here. The deeper into this place we go, the more I feel an icky, oppressive aura coming from its depths..."''
*''"This is Gloomtail's room. I wonder if he was here for all 1,000 years? Dragons do live a long time, I heard, but dang..."''
*''"What is THIS weird room? It's quiet... A little TOO... Well, let's just say it's quiet. There's a Save Block over there, and I'm thinking it would be smart to use it."''
*''"This must be the main hall or something. It sure is a humongous space... This must've been where the most important person in the palace stayed... But standing here makes me totally uneasy... Why is that?"''
*''"We're in the deepest room in the Palace of Shadow... The Shadow Queen's crypt. I gotta be honest... I totally thought we were goners at the time. Seriously. I was secretly wigging out, but then I saw how you wouldn't give up... Awesome. Anyway, enough reminiscing. There's nothing here now, Mario. Let's go back."''
*''"There's a long, long staircase leading down. Whatever's waiting down there is projecting seriously nasty vibes..."''

===Pit of 100 Trials===
*''"This is the Pit of 100 Trials. That pipe just seems to lead down forever... Still, the air seems kinda fresh here. I guess it's flowing down from above, huh?"''
*''"This is the Pit of 100 Trials. We just gotta keep on fighting and descending... But this endless repetition of rooms is starting to totally wear me out, y'know? I guess we gotta soldier on though..."''
*''"This is the Pit of 100 Trials. We've come pretty far, looks like. The air's getting super dank... Who knows how deep it goes, but let's keep going as long as we can..."''
*''"This is the Pit of 100 Trials, but I don't see any enemies in this room. At least there's a pipe to take us back to the entrance if you wanna bail. Then again, we'd have to fight our way back down to this level again... Better think it through before we do anything hasty, know what I mean?"''
*''"This is an intermediate level in the Pit of 100 Trials. These appear every 10 levels. At least there's a pipe to take us back to the entrance if you wanna bail. Then again, we'd have to fight our way back down to this level again... Better think it through before we do anything hasty, know what I mean?"''
*''"This is the lowest level in the Pit of 100 Trials. A zombified dragon named Bonetail used to protect this room. Yuuuuuck. Mario, I bet you're the first person to make it this far! I totally knew you'd do it! Now let's get out of this creepy place and back to the world above, OK?"''

==Items and objects==
===Blocks===
*''"This is a Yellow Block. You can break it with your hammer."''
*''"This is a Big Yellow Block. It looks too sturdy to break with your current hammer. But if you find a more powerful hammer, then...look out, block!"''
*''"This is a Big Yellow Block. You can break it by spinning with your hammer."''
*''"This is a Stone Block. It looks too sturdy to break with your current hammer. You may need to get a more powerful hammer to break it."''
*''"This is a Stone Block. You can break it with your hammer."''
*''"This is a Big Stone Block. It looks too sturdy to break with your current hammer. You may need to get a more powerful hammer to break it."''
*''"This is a Big Stone Block. You can break it by spinning with your hammer."''
*''"This is a Block. If you hit it, something might pop out!"''
*''"This is a ? Block. If you hit it, something will pop out! I wonder what you'll get..."''
*''"This block's already been hit. You can hit it all you want, but nothing else will happen."''
*''"This is a Metal Block. No matter what you do, you can't break this. Seriously."''
*''"This is a Red ? Block. When you hit it, a badge will pop out. I wonder what kind is inside..."''
*''"That's a Shine Block. When you hit it, a Shine Sprite pops out."''
*''"That's a Lift Block. Hit a same-colored Lift Switch to turn it on and ride it."''

===Interactable objects===
*''"This is a treasure chest. What could be inside it?"''
*''"This is an opened treasure chest. It's empty."''
*''"This is a big treasure chest. There must be something amazing inside!"''
*''"This is a black chest. Wonder what's inside it..."''
*''"This is a black chest. It doesn't seem like it has anything else to say..."''
*''"This is a jump pad. You can jump really high when you land on it. With one of these, you can get to places you couldn't normally reach yourself."''
*''"That's just a normal switch. Stomp on it or whack it to flip the switch."''
*''"That's a super switch. Do a Spin Jump above it to activate it."''
*''"That's a Lift Switch. Hit it to ride a Lift Block of the same color."''
*''"That's a locked door. You can open it with a key."''
*''"This is an X floor panel. It looks like it can be broken, but you don't have a way to do that yet..."''
*''"This is an X floor panel. If you do a Spin Jump on it, you can break through it."''

{{PMTTYD}}
[[Category:Lists|tattles in Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door (Nintendo Switch)]]
[[Category:Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door|*]]