Editing List of Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door quotes by character (A–F)

{{italic title|List of ''Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door'' quotes by character (A–F)}}
{{main|List of Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door quotes}}

This is a list of quotes from ''[[Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door]]'' and its [[Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door (Nintendo Switch)|Nintendo Switch remake]] by character (A–F).

==[[Arfur]]==
*"''Did you check prices for me?''"
*"''Perfect! OK! I'm ready.''"
*"''First, how much are they asking for [[Fire Flower]]s?''"
*"''And for [[Sleepy Sheep]]?''"
*"''OK...''"
*"''And how about [[Tasty Tonic]]? How much is that?''"
*"''...Wow! That's rough.''"
*"''Those are some low prices. I can't believe they're selling that low...''"
*"''Hmm... Even if I try to compete with them, I don't think I can profit.''"
*"''But it is certainly helpful information. Here's your reward. Good work.''"

==[[Bandit]]==
*"''Heh heh heh heh heh! We're awful quick, awful agile...and just plain awful!''"

==[[Bandy Andy]]==
*"''Heh. Nice to meet you. I'm not in here too often, but if you see me around, say hi.''"
*"''...Oh yeah, if you sleep in the bed over there, your HP and FP will fully recover.''"
*"''It's not like the cushy bed in the champ's room, though: it doesn't refill [[Star Power]].''"
*"''Heh heh heh heh heh... Sorry, [[King K]]. Didn't mean to bring [[Jolene|Queen Nag]] in here.''"
*"''Shut up, K! ...Now... If you folks will pardon me, I must be off.''"
*"''Heh heh heh heh heh heh! I do believe I'll go out for my regular stroll soon...''"
*"''Hey, how're you, Gonzales? You're looking pretty good. Glad to see it.''"
*"''Hey there, Gonzales. How's it going? Me? I'm doing a little... research.''"
*"''Hey, speaking of which... Ever hear of the "Seven Wonders of the Glitz Pit"? Yes, this place has rumors and secrets in spades, but... The Seven Wonders of the Glitz Pit are the most mysterious of the bunch. These things fascinate me, so I wander around doing research on them.''"
*"''Well? So, how about it? Want to hear about the Seven Wonders or not?''"
*"''They say...there's a sealed wall in the minor-league locker room... Some say...the remains of fallen athletes are stored in there...''"
*"''They say...in one of the arena's bathrooms, a man-eating toilet lurks... Some say...that anyone who sees this toilet never sees anything again...''"
*"''They say...there's a room in the Glitz Pit with a second floor but no stairs... They say...no one has ever gone upstairs... And some say...that groaning voices sometimes come from that second floor...''"
*"''They say...that the champion's room is haunted... Some say...if you keep still in the room, you'll hear voices whispering from nowhere. Some even say...the voices are athletes who lost to the champion...''"
*"''My friend's friend's friend told me this one... He said...he saw a strange light leaking under the ring doors when no one was there. He couldn't see inside since the doors were locked. I plan to investigate this myself...''"
*"''They say...sometimes fighters disappear for no reason, never to return... Some say...that the very first champion, [[Prince Mush]], was spirited away in this way...''"
*"''[[Grubba]] is a strange one... His body is incredibly toned, even though he's past 60. He must have an exceptional training regimen. Then, there's the matter of [[Jolene|Ms. Jolene]]. They say...she suddenly vanishes at times. Some say...a fighter saw her go into the bathroom and waited for her to come out. ...But she never did. ...Huh? You think it's stranger that someone staked out her bathroom? Good point.''"
*"''Heh heh heh heh heh! We're awful quick, awful agile... and just plain awful!''"
*"''Heh heh heh heh heh! That was too easy! Didn't think you could keep up!''"

==[[Beldam]]==
*"''The honorable [[Grodus]] has need of [[Three Shadows|us]]? Then we arrive without delay.''"
*"''Mmmwee hee hee hee hee... Pray tell, did the [[Princess Peach|princess]] tell [[Sir Grodus|you]] where the [[Magical Map|map]] is?''"
*"''It wasn't my fault, truly! There were too many prying eyes there. Too many... Besides, [[Wonky#The Incident I Saw|a strange old man showed up at the moment of truth]], and we had to retreat.''"
*"''Why worry? All we need to do now is find this [[Mario]] and steal the [[Magical Map|map]], yesss?''"
*"''Mmmmwee hee hee hee... Fear not, sire. I, Beldam, shall return with what you seek.''"
*"''Let's go, my lovelies! [[Marilyn]]! [[Vivian]]! Come! We've got a job to do!''"
*"''Mmmmwee hee hee hee! Time to go to work, lovelies! [[Vivian]]! You understand what we've got to do, yesss?''"
*"''Oh, bad things happen all the time, [[Vivian]]. But you're right about our goals.''"
*"''If my information is correct, [[Mario]] should be coming down this road quite soon. You must ambush him here and get that map!''"
*"''Hmmmm? What's this, now? [[Vivian]]! What's that you're fawning over there?''"
*"''Hmph! [[Vivian]]! For shame! Picking up someone's scraps? Disgusting! Greedy!''"
*"''But enough about that! [[Vivian]], my dear pack rat... Bring out the sketch of that [[Mario]] guy you got from [[Sir Grodus|Grodus]]! Mmmmmwee hee hee!''"
*"''Don't be ridiculous! I don't have that thing. [[Vivian|You]] were in charge of it!''"
*"''You wretched little worm! Blaming me for something you probably screwed up!''"
*"''Oh, what IS it, [[Marilyn]]? ...Huh? What's that? [[Mario|A mustachioed fellow]]? This is no time for such nonsense, you great oaf! Save your games for later!''"
*"''Now, now, where was I? You! [[Vivian]]! Don't tell me you lost our precious sketch!''"
*"''SILENCE, YOU DITZ! Such impudence! How dare you talk back to me like some rebellious child?!? It's clear to me that the only rationale your type understands is force... For your punishment, I'll be taking that [[Necklace (Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door)|necklace]] you just found. Yes, so sorry.''"
*"''What is it, [[Mario|Mr. Mustache]]? Leave us! Scram! Right NOW! I have no business with you!''"
*"''Silence, you twit! Now's not the time to get hung up on stupid details! We must study this sketch!''"
*"''Wow! This [[Mario]] guy looks so manly! Check out that bushy mustache... How handsome! You know something, though, my lovelies? I swear I've seen this gentleman before... AAAAAAAAAAAACK! He's Mr. Mustache!''"
*"''Ack! I don't believe this! [[Vivian]]! This is, without a doubt, all your fault! I'll be dealing out some strict punishment later, my dearie! Oh, yes! I promise you that!''"
*"''Silence, you squirrel-brain! Don't you cop that insolent attitude with me!''"
*"''And about that necklace... I was thinking of returning it to you, but NO MORE!''"
*"''AND...since you caused this problem, you have to figure how to find this Mario chump!''"
*"''Well! If it isn't Mario! Shiny mustache or no, you can't be too bright if you came here looking for us! Mmmmmwee hee hee hee... And you know why? 'Cause we were waiting for YOU!''"
*"''Mmmmmmwee hee hee hee! I have no quarrel with you...but I simply can't allow you to hunt for the [[Crystal Stars]]. And so, I'll be taking that little map of yours just as soon as I deal with you.''"
*"''Mmmmmmwee hee hee hee! Those who seek names are often disappointed, but if you insist, we'll tell you. We are…''"
*"''Vivian! You nincompoop! What are you babbling about? It's [[Three Shadows|Shadow SIRENS]]! I don't see three beauties! I see two, but then there's you, and you're <FONT COLOR="#FF0000">PLUG–UGLY</FONT>!!!''" (GCN)
**"''Vivian! You nincompoop! What are you babbling about? It's SHADOWS! The Three SHADOWS! “Sisters” makes us sound less mysterious…and less scary! How many times must I remind you?!''" (Switch)
*"''It's just a figure of speech! Ooh, you've got some FIERCE punishment coming your way!''" (GCN)
**"''How insufferably sappy! Ooh, you've got some FIERCE punishment coming your way!''" (Switch)
*"''That's for later, though... First, we have to deal with this Mario and his friends. Let's do it, my lovelies...or rather, my lovely and ugly! Marilyn! Vivian! The might of The Three Shadow Sirens will be more than enough to win the day!''" (GCN)
**"''That's for later, though... First, we have to deal with this Mario and his friends. Let's do it, my lovelies... Marilyn! Vivian! The might of The Three Shadows—RELATION WITHHELD—will be more than enough to win the day!''" (Switch)
*"''It's most unlucky that our sights are set on you. Well, unlucky for you, of course. Marilyn! Vivian! Let's show them precisely what we can do!''"
*"''What are you DOING, Vivian? You twit, I'll never forgive you if you lose!''"
*"''Hit him, Marilyn! NOW!''"
*"''Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! You're tougher than I thought, Mr. Mustache. I guess it's time to stop toying with you, hmmm?''"
*"''AAAAAAAAAAAAACK! Now it's...up to...you...''"
*"''AAAAAAAAAAAACK!''"
*"''Mmmmwee hee haaaaaaaack! Oooog. Maybe we were just a touch overconfident. [[Marilyn]]! [[Vivian]]! You lumps! We would've won if you pulled your weight! Both of you, prepare for a world–class punishment session when we get home!''"
*"''Well, yes, sorry, but... Only because he's tougher than we thought at first..."''
*"''Mweee hee hee hee hee... Well, rest assured that I will defenitely nail him next time. We have prepared a weapon that will bring him to a quick and certain end.''"
*"''Just leave it to us, [[Sir Grodus|sire]]. Mweee hee hee hee hee..."''
*"''Let's away, my lovelies! Marilyn! Vivian!"''
*"''Mwee hee hee hee hee... Yes... This time we'll take that Mario and get his map! With this [[Superbombomb]] here, there's no way we can fail. No, not likely...''"
*"''Vivian! Hand me that glorious Superbombomb!''"
*"''Vivian... Don't you dare... Does that "Huh?" mean what I think it does?''"
*"''Oh, you terrible LIAR! Stop making up stories to cover for yourself! If I don't have it, then OBVIOUSLY you must have it! And OBVIOUSLY you lost it! Or... Are you trying to imply that I lost [[Superbombomb|it]], you little lollygagging worm?''"
*"''Well, we can't do much about it, now can we?!? Oh, you are SUCH an idiot... Very well... I'm sure you must have dropped it around here somewhere... So why don't you look for it while Marilyn and I go take a well-earned siesta. And if you don't find it... Well, you know what'll happen, don't you?"
*"''That's right, you little twit, so get cracking! Come, Marilyn. Let's leave this useless little fool to her chore.''"
*"''Vivian is so VERY late! Where has that scatterbrain been all this time?''"
*"''Mwee hee hee hee hee hee! I heard that, my uglies! So, the [[Garnet Star|sixth Crystal Star]] is in [[Poshley Heights]]? That's a rather nice piece of information. Thanks ever so!''"
*"''Normally, this would be where I finally deal with you and that homely'' (GCN) / ''sappy'' (Switch) ''traitor, [[Vivian]]... But something tells me that trying that alone might be unwise. So you live, for now. Instead, I'll just beat you to Poshley Heights and get that Crystal Star before you do! Mwee hee hee hee hee hee!“'' (GCN)
*"''Mwee hee hee hee hee! You're one step too late! We have the Crystal Star!''"
*"''We've been waiting for you, Mario...''"
*"''Thank you SO much for opening [[The Thousand-Year Door|the door]] for us, Mario! Yes, that was nice! Thanks to your do-gooder predictability, my plan is progressing very smoothly...''"
*"''Mwee hee hee hee hee! So you still don't see it? Ah, such fools... The "Professor Frankly" you were with when you opened the Thousand-Year Door... Was none other than this little [[Doopliss|freak-in-a-sheet]]!''"
*"''Mwee hee hee hee hee! The real [[Professor Frankly|Frankly]] is sleeping off a nasty bump on the head in a closet somewhere! Poor thing! And once we get rid of you here, our plan will be nearly complete!“''
*"''Ready for the end, my dears?''"
*"''You and that traitor Vivian have a date with eternity!''"
*"''Shut up, freak!''"
*"''Come, my sort-of-lovelies! [[Marilyn]]! [[Doopliss|Freak-sheet]]!''"
*"''All right, my kind-of-lovelies! This time, we take out Mario and his goon squad for good!''"
*"''So...if I catch you slacking, you'll be in for INCREDIBLE punishment come tomorrow!''"
*"''Gah! Curse you, Mario! This is so very annoying! Blast it!''"
*"''Hey! You! Freak-sheet! Pull it together, will you? Don't make me punish you!''"
*"''Are you OK, Marilyn?''"
*"''Mwee hee hee hee hee... I'll leave the rest to you...''"
*"''Mwee hee hee hee hee!''"
*"''Arrrrrrgh... At this rate... [[Shadow Queen|She]] will never... Ooooof...''"
*''<small><small>"Bleeeaahhhh..."</small></small>''
*"''[[Shadow Queen|My queen]]! You have returned to [[Three Shadows|us]]!''"
*"''Yes, my queen… I searched for a [[Princess Peach|pure maiden]] that you might inhabit… And as I did, I spread the rumor of a great treasure… Then I led the fools who had gathered the Crystal Stars here to open the seal…''"
*"''I am not worthy, my queen…''"
*"''My queen!''"
*"''NOOOO! Let's get out of here, [[Marilyn]]!''"

==[[Black Chest Demon]]==
===Chest Demon 1===
*"''Hey! [[Mario|You]]! Can you hear me?''"
*"''You can?!? That must mean you're the hero of legend!''" (GCN)
**"''You can?! That must mean you're the hero of legend!''" (Switch)
*"''Only the great hero of legend can hear my voice. Yeah! Everyone else...nothing.''"
*"''See, long ago, an [[Shadow Queen|evil spirit]] cast a curse on me, locking me in this box. I was bummed.''" (GCN)
**"''See, long ago, an evil spirit cast a curse on me, locking me in this chest. It was a real drag.''" (Switch)
*"''I've been here ever since, waiting a long, LONG time for the hero to come by!''"
*"''...So, yeah, anyway, big guy...What brings a hero like you to a place like this?''"
*"''Oh, yeah? Searching for the [[Crystal Stars|Crystal Stars]], are you, now? So you really are a hero.''"
*"''Well, you're DEFINITELY going to need my help if you hope to get those bad boys.''" (GCN)
**"''Well, you're DEFINITELY gonna need my help if you hope to get those bad boys.''" (Switch)
*"''So, first you should look for the key to this [[Black chest|box]]. Then use it to let me out. Definitely.''" (GCN)
**"''So, first you should look for the key to this chest. Then use it to let me out. Definitely.''" (Switch)
*"''Well, I know MY vote goes to you finding [[Black Key|that key]]. I'm sure it's around here somewhere.''"
*"''This is what the key looks like, by the way.''" (Only on Switch)
*"''C'mon! Being stuck in a box is no picnic! I'm counting on you, O Great Legendary Hero!''"
*"''Whoa, what?! You already found the key! Oh man, I owe you BIG!''" (GCN)
**"''Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You brought the key! Yes! Oh, man, I owe you BIG!''" (Switch)
*"''Ooh! C'mon! Don't taunt me! H-Hurry up and open it!''"
*"''YESSSSSSSSS! Thank...Ha! Thank NOTHING!''"
*"''Whee hee! Foooooools!''"
*"''Oh, BOY, did you fall for it! I BURNED you! What, you think I was gonna help you?!?''"
*"''Instead, I'm gonna spread a little of the suffering I've endured in that stupid box!''"
*"''Yeah! Sorry, but those are the brakes! I'm gonna cast an evil, terrible curse upon you!''"
*"''Buggly-wuggly-WOOOOOOO! You're cursed!''"
*"''Whee hee hee hee hee! Enjoy that curse, sucker! You got what you deserved!!!''"
*"''You wanna hear all about the sweet curse I just dropped? Then listen well!''"
*"''From now on, if you press {{button|gcn|Y}} in certain areas, you'll turn into a paper airplane!''" (GCN)
**"''From now on, if you press {{button|switch|Y}} in certain areas, you'll turn into a paper airplane!''" (Switch)
*"''Whee hee! Trembling yet? Suffer the rest of your days under my terrible curse!''"
*"''Whee hee hee hee hee hee! Oh, I can't help but chortle! You're DOOMED!!!''"
*"''This curse is pretty rough, I guess, so I suppose I owe it to you to explain it.''"
*"''Ready? If you stand on an airplane panel like this one, the floor will start to glow.''"
*"''Yeah, OK, you're on the panel. Now try pressing {{button|gcn|Y}}! And then, bam! You're a paper airplane!''" (GCN)
**"''Yeah, ok, you're on the panel. Now try pressing {{button|switch|Y}}! And then, bam! You're a paper airplane!''" (Switch)
*"''The worst part of this curse is that you must tilt {{button|gcn|Stick}} Left and Right to control yourself.''" (GCN)
**"''You'll control your tiny paper-plane self by tilting {{button|switch|leftstick}} forward and back! The plane will rise if you tilt {{button|switch|leftstick}} in the direction behind you. However, if you keep tilting {{button|switch|leftstick}} too much, you'll slow down and start to fall back to the ground! Once you start to rise, stop tilting {{button|switch|leftstick}}! Timing is key... Try it now, and suffer total aerodynamic humiliation!''" (Switch)
*"''I guess if you got good at it, you might fly a long way...but that's the ONLY good thing.''" (GCN)
*"''So, be honest. Isn't this curse just about the worst thing that's ever happened to you?''" (GCN)
**"''So, be honest. Do you fully understand the peril this curse has bestowed upon you?''" (Switch)
*"''Yes! It's so frightening, you lost control of your brain! Listen once more, crybaby!''"
*"''If you step on the floor panels that are marked by my curse symbol, the floor will glow.''"
*"''Whee hee hee hee hee hee! If you press {{button|gcn|B}}, you MIGHT return to normal! Maybe!''" (GCN)
**"''Whee hee hee hee hee! When you've had enough airplane shame, press {{button|switch|B}} to deplane and get back to normal!''" (Switch)
*"''Farewell, you foolish fool! Whee hee hee hee!''"

===Chest Demon 2===
*"''What the heck?''" (GCN)
**"''Oh, dang!''" (Switch)
*"''Hey! Guests! It's been a long time since anyone came here! A REAL long time!''"
*"''...Huh? [[Mario|You]] heard me? Wow!''"
*"''Wait a sec'... If you can hear my voice, [[Mario|you]] must be some legendary hero or something... Or not!!''"
*"''To be honest, I'm sure anyone with ears can hear me.''"
*"''...But it sure is fun zinging people with that whole 'legendary hero' bit!''"
*"''Hey, but seriously, folks, I was wondering if [[Mario|you]] could let me out of [[Black chest|this chest]]...''"
*"''I've been locked in here so long, I'm starting to cramp up like [[Mario|you]] wouldn't believe.''"
*"''All [[Mario|you]] have to do is find [[Black Key|the key]] and let me out. Easy!''"
*"''Huh? What do [[Mario|you]] mean? You think you'll be cursed if you open the box? Ridiculous!''"
*"''Who would do that, really? Wait in a box and curse folks! A real slimeball, that's who!''"
*"''But I'm not a real slimeball, and I would do no such thing! But that should be obvious.''"
*"''Look, if [[Mario|you]] help me out, maybe I'll help you out. You know, a little I-scratch-your-back-you scratch mine. Except in reverse order.''"
*"''Of course, [[Mario|you]] don't have to if you really don't want to. Like finding a [[Black Key]] is hard...''" (GCN)
**"''Of course, you don’t have to if you want to. Like finding a key like this is hard…''" (Switch)
*"''You know the deal. I'll help you out if you help me out. Back-scratching all around! If you feel the urge to be a pal, see if you can find the key to this chest."'' (Subsequent times)
*"''Hang on, what's this?! You've already found the key! Unbelievable!''"
*"''Hey there! Boy, I am SO glad [[Mario|you]] found [[Black Key|that key]]! Unbelievable!''"
*"''No! Wait! Don't do that! Look, you found the key...now just use it to open this box.''"
*"''WHEEE HEE HEE HEE HEE! FOOOOOOOLS!''"
*"''Why, only the most idiotic, pudding-brained dolt would fall for a scheme like that!''"
*"''[[Hooktail Castle|The castle]]'s traps prevent anyone who's entered this place from ever leaving it!''"
*"''No matter which path [[Mario|you]] take, you're fated to waste away to a slow, painful end!''"
*"''But wait! There's more to this great deal! I'll throw in a free CURSE! No charge!''"
*"''Oogly-googly-BOO!''"
*"''Wheee hee hee hee hee! Now you're cursed, doofus! And it serves you right!''"
*"''This curse is more cursedly curse-worthy than any curse that's ever cursed you!''"
*"''For...this curse makes you like a piece of paper when you press and hold {{button|gcn|R}}!''" (GCN)
**"''For... this curse makes you like a piece of paper when you press and hold {{button|switch|zr}}!''" (Switch)
*"''Wheeee hee hee hee hee! What a curse! Who curses like me? NO ONE!''"
*"''Now I shall show you just how frightful a curse it is!''"
*"''Go on! Press and hold {{button|gcn|R}}! Press and hold {{button|gcn|R}} now!!!''" (GCN)
**"''Press and hold {{button|switch|zr}} now!''" (Switch)
*"''You idiot! Press and hold {{button|gcn|R}}! Press and hold {{button|gcn|R}} and be ashamed!!!''" (GCN)
**"''What are you doing?! Press and hold {{button|switch|zr}} and be ashamed!''" (Switch)
*"''Wheeee hee hee hee hee! Just look at yourself! How embarrassing for you!''"
*"''Eat a sandwich, skinny! Hee! ...Do you understand what this curse means for you?''" (GCN)
**"''You'll be all papery thin while you press {{button|switch|zr}}! You'll try to jump or move and you'll probably just wobble there! Do you understand what this curse means for you?''" (Switch)
*"''Then farewell, you dumbbells! Wheee hee hee hee hee!''"

===Chest Demon 3===
*"''Hold up! Hey! Who's there? I just heard a voice!''"
*"''There's no way that people could be here! Seriously, that's just so unlikely!''"
*"''...Huh? What's that [[Mario|you]] say? You've seen a [[Black chest|chest]] like this before? Get outta here!''"
*"''No, no, no! I'm not like those chests, I promise! Look at my eyes. Tell me I'm lying.''"
*"''I'm not, seriously! Just get me out of here! [[Mario|You]]'ll see! Don't make me beg!''"
*"''...What? Come on. [[Mario|You]] know how ridiculous you sound right now? I'm laughing in here.''"
*"''[[Mario|You]] honestly think I'm going to curse you when I get out? CURSE you?''"
*"''Well, I did plan on doing SOMETHING to [[Mario|you]], but it's not so much a curse as a... Well, a really wonderful new ability that will allow [[Mario|you]] to go to special places... Doesn't that sound nice?''"
*"''Aw, come on, please? Just find the [[Black Key|key]] and open the chest, OK? I know it's here somewhere, I just can't go look for it myself. 'Cause I'm in here. So pretty, pretty please? ♡''" (GCN)
**"''Aw, come on, please? Just find this key and open the chest, OK? I know it's near this town somewhere, I just can't go look for it muself. 'Cause I'm in here. So pretty, pretty please?''" (Switch)
*"''Wait, is that... Oh my, oh my! You already found the key! Oh, happy day!''"
*"''What? No way!''"
*"''Oh! Thank goodness!!! [[Mario|You]]'re going to let me out! Oh, happy day!''"
*"''WHEE HEE! FOOOOOLS!''"
*"''What were [[Mario|you]] expecting? Did you think a lovely lady would pop out or something?''"
*"''Now I'm going to hit [[Mario|you]] with the king of curses, the cursiest curse ever!''"
*"''Fear my terrible power! [[Mario|You]] will know the pain of having your body roll up!''"
*"''BE CUUUUUUUURSED!''"
*"''Whee hee hee hee hee! Now [[Mario|you]]'re cursed, loser! Savor your suffering!''"
*"''When this curse strikes [[Mario|you]], you won't even be able to walk! That's how awful it is!''" (GCN)
**"''When this curse strikes you, you won't even be able to walk! You'll be forced to roll around as a tacky tube!''" (Switch)
*"''Whee hee hee hee hee! [[Mario|Your]] suffering amuses me! And so I laugh!''"
*"''Now show me [[Mario|your]] cursed plight so I can laugh all the more!''"
*"''Just press and hold {{button|gcn|R}}, then rotate {{button|gcn|Stick}} repeatedly!''" (GCN)
**"''Just press and hold {{button|switch|zr}}, then rotate {{button|switch|leftstick}} repeatedly!''" (Switch)
*"''Whee hee hee hee hee! [[Mario|Your]] pathetic misery thrills me to the core!''"
*"''[[Mario|You]] must roll around like a silly cardboard tube! Oh, how you'll be laughed at!''" (GCN)
*"''Now... Do [[Mario|you]] understand the depth of your own agony?''" (GCN)
*"''Whee hee hee hee hee! Press {{button|gcn|B}} to return to normal! Don't forget, [[Mario|mush-brain]]!''" (GCN)
**"''When you're in that form, you must roll everywhere, like some embarrassingly extruded wheel! I want to get a good, long look at you in this pitiful form! Now roll! Roll like a dropped butterscotch on a sidewalk!''" (Switch)
**"''Whee hee hee hee hee! Well? Do you see how pitiful and tubular you are? When the suffering becomes too much, press {{button|switch|B}} to revert to your normal self! Don't forget!''" (Switch)
**"''So tell me... do you now understand your eternal, cylindrical agony?''" (Switch)
*"''I leave you to suffer, fools! Whee hee hee hee hee!''"

===Chest Demon 4===
*"''YORK!''"
*"''Oh, sweet, sweet salvation!''"
*"''I thought no one would ever come! I had given up!''"
*"''...What's that?''"
*"''Spare you the prologue and just curse [[Mario|you]] already?''"
*"''Now... How did [[Mario|you]] know I was gonna do that?''"
*"''No seriously, hang on a sec'! Can't [[Mario|you]] just listen to my spiel for a little bit?''"
*"''I've been locked here forever, bored stiff, doing NOTHING but practice this speech!''"
*"''...Huh? I'm already the fourth cursing chest [[Mario|you]]'ve met? Are you serious?''"
*"''So...[[Mario|you're]] saying you know exactly how this is all going to turn out?''"
*"''Man, talk about a raw deal! [[Mario|You]]'re a twisted little guy, you know that?''"
*"''OK, fine, fine, fine, FINE! I get the picture, okay?''"
*"''Sheesh! All I wanted was to see the face of some unlucky soul when I popped out...''"
*"''Is that so much to ask? No. Anyway, what are [[Mario|you]] waiting for? Just open it, already.''"
*"''You know what the [[Black Key|key]] looks like, [[Mario|Mr. Seen-It-All-Already]]! Some ghost here has it...''"
*"''So just beat him, get [[Black Key|it]], and we'll get this farce over with. Come on, now, I'm waiting!''"
*"''Yeah, yeah. Whoop-de-doo. [[Mario|You]] got [[Black Key|the key]]. Party time. Now let me out, already.''"
*"''Man... All this time waiting, just to get a jaded little creep like you...''"
*"''All right. Here we go... Since [[Mario|you]]'re just itching to get this over with...''"
*"''A-HEM!''"
*"''WHEE HEE! FOOOOOLS!''"
*"''You dopes fell right into my absolutely brilliant trap! And now you will SUFFER!''"
*"''Oh, yeah! I am so EVIL! Bathe in the foul, awful... ...Wait, what was next?''"
*"''Oh, yeah! You fools will be cursed forever for your appalling stupidity!''"
*"''You will rue the day you opened this chest of DOOM! Now, you wretched guy!''"
*"''B-E C-U-R-S-E-D!!''"
*"''Whee hee hee hee hee! Now you're cursed, but good! SUFFER! SUFFER! SUFFER!''"
*"''Wait. That's maybe too much. Are you all right? That didn't really hurt, did it?''"
*"''Whee hee hee hee hee! Good! Squirm and suffer like socially awkward worms!''"
*"''From now on, in certain places, if you press {{button|gcn|Y}}, you'll turn into a paper boat!''" (GCN)
**"''From now on, in certain places, if you press {{button|switch|Y}}, you'll turn into a paper boat!''" (Switch)
*"''Isn't that just GRUESOME?!?''"
*"''Just try it out so I can see the depth of your humiliation! Feel the terror of your fate!''"
*"''When you stand on one of these Boat Panels, the panel will feel your curse and glow!''"
*"''Yes, stand here, slime! Feel the pain! And press {{button|gcn|Y}}! Become a paper boat!''" (GCN)
**"''Yes, stand here, slime! Feel the pain! And press {{button|switch|Y}}! Become a paper boat!''" (Switch)
*"''Whee hee hee hee hee! Oh, yes, such suffering!''"
*"''Do you feel the horror? Now you're a piddly little boat! Whee hee hee hee!''"
*"''You float on the water! People will laugh at you! You will be spit upon!''"
*"''...But it only works in certain places, so don't worry, it's not too bad.''"
*"''You can control your paper-boat self with {{button|switch|leftstick}}! I will allow you to be the master of your shameful buoyancy!''" (Only on Switch)
*"''When you want to return to normal, approach the panel and press {{button|gcn|Y}}!''" (GCN)
*"''Now try it, worm!''" (GCN)
**"''When you want to unboat yourself, approach the panel and press {{button|switch|Y}}. Try it now!''" (Switch)
*"''Yes! Your pain is like a tasty banquet to me! Now, do you understand your doom?''"
*"''Then off with you, you jaded, cursed boat guy!''"
*"''Oh, and hey, listen... Thanks for letting me do my thing. I feel better.''"

==[[Blooey]]==
*"''Hey there, I'm Blooey. ...And [[Luigi|this guy]] is a total liar! Don't listen to him!''"
*"''[[Mario|You]] heard his story, right? Well, he did TRY to throw me, but he completely tripped!''"
*"''And what happens? I end up landing in lava! LAVA, man! You think that feels good?''"
*"''Thanks to him, you can stick a fork in me! I'm well done! My pale skin's crispified!''"
*"''I'll NEVER forgive this guy! I'm gonna make him pay if it takes my whole lifetime!''"
*"''That's the ONLY reason I'm still hanging around with him! YOU'LL PAY, LUIGI!''"
*"''Hey! [[Mario|You]]! Remember me? It's me, Blooey!''"
*"''Maaaan, that last battle was hairy! [[Mario|You]] have no idea!''"
*"''I was burnt to a crisp, but I was actually kinda relieved, If [[Mario|you]] can believe that!''"
*"''But if [[Mario|you]] want the whole story, you should just ask [[Luigi]] here! Wahahaha!

==[[Blooper (Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door)|Blooper]]==
*"''Bloop! BLOOOOOOOOOOOOP! (Ouch! That HURT!)''"
*"''Bloobloobloobloop! (Who just up and whacks someone's tootsies like that?)''"
*"''Bloobloop! BLOOOP! (Someone with some serious moxie, that's who!)''"
*"''Bloobloop! Bloobloobloop! (Would you look at that! It's [[Mario|some saucy mustached guy]]!)''"
*"''Bloopity bloop! Blooooo! ([[Mario|He]]'s in a WORLD of hurt!)''"
*"''BlooblooblooblooblooBLOOP! (I'll give [[Mario|him]] a taste of the old tentacle trample!)''"
*"''BLUH-BLOOOOOOOP!''"

==[[Bobbery]]==
*"''Harumph! What poppycock... Tell me, what would you want with me if I were this chump?''"
*"''Awfully sorry, dear boy, but when I say "no", what I mean is...NO!''"
*"''Oh, by Blabberton's beard! Not you again!"
*"''By Blubbery's blotches! Is that [[Mario]] over there? You're alive, old boy!''"
*"''You came just in the nick of time! Get these two out of here this instant!''"
*"''Just leave it to me, eh? I'll keep these gouls busy while you get out of here! Flee! That's an order! Let me do what I must do! NOW, AWAY WITH YOU!''"
*"''HAAAAACK! PBBBTTHH! Uuurrrrgh... Get me that Chuckola Cola, old boy...''"
*"''HUP! HUP! WOT WOT?!? Yobbity yobbity...PIRATES! Where are those pirates?!?''"
*"''I'm sure my sea legs and explosive personality will be rather useful, eh?''"
*"''Flavio, old boy... I must say... You talk rather too much.''"
*"''We've done it, old boy! I should say he won't be too keen on seeing us again, eh?''"
*"''Call it an old sea bomb's intuition, but that skull rock smells...suspicious.''"
*"''Flavio, you old cash-grubber! If you want the treasure, why don't you go get it yourself?''"
*"''There you have it, Flavio! Fair and square, eh wot?''"
*"''Ah... Well, I say, that curse chap seems rather a bit of all right, eh?''"
*"''By Chowderton's cheeks! That dreadful voice again... Those ghosts must be near...''"
*"''On your toes, old bean! That can only be an e-mail from [[Princess Peach]]!''"
*"''Great Goobery! [[Mario|Your]] [[Princess Peach|princess]] is no one to be trifled with! We'd best get to work, too!''"
*"''Wait a tick! I've heard tell that only the rich and famous call that place home...''"
*"''Harumph! Sounds positively scintillating, dear boy. Point us there!''"
*"''Pardon me for saying so, but mustn't you have wealth or fame to ride that train?''"
*"''Ah...no. Terribly sorry. Mm-mm. Impossible. Can't do it. The man's reprehensible! ...Well, drat. I suppose there's nothing for it, eh, old boy? If we must, we must. Let's go.''"
*"''Jolly good show! We'll reach [[Poshley Heights]] in time for tea, eh? Finding that [[Garnet Star|sixth Crystal Star]] shouldn't be more taxing than a vacation, eh wot?''"
*"''[[Mario]]! That bodes ill! I suggest we reach [[Poshley Heights]] before that crone! Look alive, man! We are off to Rogueport Station!''"
*"''Harumph! The [[Excess Express]]! Rather posh, I must say! Yes, rather posh, indeed! The three days to [[Poshley Heights]] ought to pass in an eyeblink, eh, old boy?''"
*"''Rather odd threat, eh? You don't think that [[Beldam]] crone's responsible, do you?''"
*"''Well, regardless of who it may be, the scoundrel is surely on this very train! Let's roust this swine before he or she has the chance to cause mischief!''"
**"''Well, regardless of who it may be, the scoundrel is surely on this very train! Let's roust this swine before they have the chance to cause mischief!''" (Switch)
*"''What makes me say that? I've a sea lion's nose for scoundrels, old boy!''"
*"''I should think they are the perpetrators behind the drawbridge debacle! Let's make haste, find the switch, and switch it back!''"
*"''Right! Let's have ourselves a snooze so we're right as rain in the morning!''"
*"''Ah, nothing quite like a new day, eh, old boy? And what a cool and brisk morning! Clears the sinuses!''"
*"''What IS that rank thing? ...Horrors! Mario, look! It's got the other passengers!''"
*"''Confound it all! Now what?''"
*"''Blast it all! We're too late!!! Quick! After them!''"
*"''By Crackifer's cookies! The moon? The princess is on the moon, old boy? Smashing!''"
*"''The moon?!? Great gobbledy! [[Princess Peach]] is there as well! ...This seems a bit...off.''"
*"''An Ultra Hammer?!? Dear man, we've already procured one of those!''"
*"''Hmm... Yes... I see! Quite so! Destination: Fahr Outpost!''"
*"''A touch nippy, I should say! Let's do make haste, Mario. Fahr Outpost can't be far now, old boy!''"
*"''Old boy, I KNOW I saw a cannon the last time I was here, so do not lie, sir!''"
*"''Rather frosty, isn't it? Almost freezes one's mustache, eh, old boy?''"
*"''Harumph! Well, that was rather a bumpy trip, wot wot! Who would've guessed I'd get to do such a thing...''"
*"''Well, old boy, we're really on the moon, by Crabbery!''"
*"''You! You've been waiting, you say? Whatever do you mean by THAT, you boor?''"
*"''So Peach WAS here! Where did you take her, you hurly-burler?!?''"
*"''I say, old boy, I rather think YOU'RE going to be the one doing the suffering!''"
*"''We've finally got all seven Crystal Stars! Corking!''"
*"''Crockity! I say, old boy, did you just hear something?''"
*"''Into the breach, Mario!!!''"
*"''This place is rather ugly...but we haven't a choice in the matter, old boy! We must get in there and save Peach before this hullabaloo goes any further! Let's go, dear boy!''"
*"''Now who's this dragon fellow? I say, isn't that Hooktail, the guy you beat before? Yes, enormous, with rather grimy toes... Yes, that suits this fellow to a T!''"
**"''Now who's this dragon? I say, isn't that Hooktail, the guy you beat before? Yes, enormous, with rather grimy toes... Yes, that suits this creature to a T!''" (Switch)
*"''It's absolutely titanic... What in blazes is it?''"
*"''Opening the door for you? My dear, repellant woman, what do you mean by that?!?''"
*"''Such balderdash! It's quite obvious you are in for a stomping, so let's have at it!''"
*"''Let’s leave [[Three Shadows|these cads]], Mario...''"
*"''This room gives me a rather foul feeling in my belly... What IS this chamber?''"
*"''So, this lout is the leader of those X-Nauts?''"
*"''No! So the last Crystal Star we found on the moon... We're fools!''"
*"''Watch your back, old boy! This burly fellow looks rather robust!''"
*"''What should we do, old boy? We're doomed if we don't attack him...''"
*"''Whew... Rather close, hm? At least we've settled that blury bloke's account, old boy. Now, let's save Peach!''"
*"''Mario, we mustn't serve evil! You must resist, old boy!!!''"
*"''I know Scarlette is watching over me from the other side! I KNOW it, old boy! If I don't send this queen packing, my girl will be most displeased, hm? Mario! Let's send this shady demon back to the darkness!''"
*"''Serve a witch? My Scarlette would be rather angry with me, I should think...''"
*"''What... What's THIS, now? I feel rather like a new Bob-omb! I feel fantastic!''"
*"''Mario! The time is ripe! We've almost done it!''"
*"''Don't you dare apologize, my dear! It was all in a day's work for us, hm?''"
*"''Well, old boy, it was most agreeable that I had the chance to meet you. If it hadn't been for you, then my dear Scarlette would still gaze down on a broken [[Bob-omb]]. Let's meet again, Mario! And this time, let it be on the high seas, old boy!''"
*"''Rather a crabby sort, eh?''"
*"''Leave it all to me, old boy! I shan't need help!''"
*"''I suggest you try a bit harder against the likes of us, hm?''"
*"''Well, you're hardly my type, either, you young scallywag!''"

==[[Bomberto]]==
*"''Oy! Welcome to Rogueport! Bit of a nasty place, eh? You got guts, comin' here. You look a bit green, so 'ave a wee bit of advice, on me: hit that Save Block to save. 'Cause the thing about life is, ya never know when you're gonna kick the ol' bucket.''"
*"''Ooh, yeah, we got ships from all over the bloomin' world comin' in an' outta 'ere. We're, whatta ya call 'em? Longshoremen, like. We load an' unload cargo all day.''"
*"''Good winds blow through this ol' port. Right filthy as it is, dreams still come true 'ere.''"
*"''Oy! You! With the mustache! What's wif the stink-eye, eh? You got somethin' to say? Right, then, ask me anythin'! I'm like an encyclopedia, I am! I can answer anythin'!''"
*"''Ooh... Keelhaul Key... Listen, mate... Don't ask me about that place. I got no need for a curse from the pirate king.''"
*"''So, you're wif these other fools, eh? You only got one life! You should treasure it... But 'ey, if you do go there, give my regards to all my dead mates, all right?''"
*"''Admiral Bobbery? Now that you mention it, I have heard that bloke was a navigator like no other. 'Course, I also heard he was dead. That's the thing about rumors... What's true?''"
*"''Yer another one o' them idiots, eh? You only got one life! You oughta treasure it! Well, if you do go to that 'orrible place, say 'ello to my dead chums, eh?''"
*"''You came back from that island alive! Mate, yer a bloomin' freak of nature! Yer a master! Yer a true tamer of the high seas! Yer more man than I am!''"
*"''The sky sure got dark in a hurry, didn't it? Huh. Eh! Prob'ly nothin'!''"
*"''Move it, ya landlubber! Huh? Oh yeah, right, right. You took on my trouble, 'ey? My wife brought my lunchbox to me, but it was empty when I opened it!''"
*"''I'm so 'ungry, I could eat walrus whiskers! You gotta bring me somefin' to eat! How 'bout a, um, lessee... Ah, whatever! Anyfin'! So long as it's food! Now get to it!''"
*"''Move it, ya landlubber! Huh? Oh, it's you? Did you bring me somefin' to eat?''"
*"''Hey! That looks right tasty. Chomp nomp gromp shnorp... Yum, that hit the spot! Now here's your reward! Thanks, mate!''"
*"''What, still no grub, mate? I could eat a narwhal! Bring me somefin' to eat! And make it snappy!''"

==[[Boo]]==
*"''My friends have all been taken away...So lonely...''"
*"''My friends are all gone...I'm so very lonely...''"
*"''Don't leave me alone…''"
*"''Sniff! Sniff!''"
*"''Are [[Mario|you]] going to be mean to me?''"
**(No)
*"''Then, go away, meanie!''"
**(Yes)
*"''Promise?!?''"
*"''Come on out, guys!!!''"
*"''MWAHAHAHA!''" (when Boos are swarming Mario)
*"''OHOHOHOHO!''" (when Boos are swarming Mario)
*"''HEEHEEHEE!''" (when Boos are swarming Mario)
*"''Heee... Hoo.... Heee... You said you'd be nice!''" (after knocking a number of Boos away)
*"''Let's get him, guys!''"
*"''YAH!''" (After merging as the Atomic Boo)
*"''WAAAAAAAH!''" (after defeating Atomic Boo)
*"''GRAAAAAAH!''" (after defeating Atomic Boo)
*"''HOOOOOOO!''" (after defeating Atomic Boo)

==[[Bootler]]==
*"''[[Lady Bow]], your beauty is like the song of a nightingale in the evening.''"
*"''Indeed... I feel you've grown into a fine young girl who'd make your ancestors proud!''"

==[[Bowser]]==
*''"Gra ha ha har! Bowser, the mighty Koopa king, has arrived! Hold your applause, minions! But now that I'm here... [[Kammy Koopa|Kammy]]! You crusty old hag! Why did you summon me?"''
*"''Well? I'm dying to hear the rest of [[Hammer Bro|your]] hilarious story, Mr. Comedian! Do share!"''
*"''Ah... MAN, I'm attractive! Every time I look at this, I'm overwhelmed by its coolness! When I take over the world, I'm gonna stick these statues all OVER the place! Yeah!''"
*"''Uh...super. In that case, I order you to do some sit-ups, Tubby.''"
*"''Boy... Do I even HAVE a less handsome side? Any way you look at this, it's perfect! When this world is mine, these statues are gonna be mandatory in all households!''"
*"''Wow... What a profile! Although...this thing could use a good dusting... Huh? It looks like this eye is a little loose... Incredible! The statue's eye is a jewel! I got the Bowser Jewel! ...Just kidding.''"
*"''I bet you are, [[Kammy Koopa]]! Now, out with it! Why have you called me here?''""
*''"Pbbbthbtth! Am I Mario's baby–sitter? I don't care what he's doing! Are you going to call me every time that guy blows his nose, or what? Sheesh!"''
*"''Tuh-Treasure?!?''"
*''"The [[Crystal Stars]], you say? They sound like good world–conquering tools! I want 'em! Hmm... Yes... Very good... Continue researching this for me, you brainy hag, you."''
*''"Do I... I LOVE Fried Eggs! LOVE'em!"''
*''"Gag... Ugh! I almost threw up just now! I can't stand fried eggs!"''
*''"But...what a weird question. Why do you ask?"''
*''"AIRHEAD!!! A picnic?!? You MORON! This is no time for fun! See, THIS is why my evil plans always derail! Because you clods always goof off! AAARGH!"'' (GCN)
**''"LUNKHEAD! A picnic?! Get SERIOUS! This is no time for fun! See, THIS is why my evil plans always derail! Because you clods always goof off! AAARGH!"'' (Switch)
*"''HUHHH-WWWHHHAAATTT?!? Tell me you're lying, Kammy! How? When? WHERE? Who'd do such a thing? Besides me?''"
*''"Under NO circumstances is ANYONE allowed to kidnap her without MY say–so!!! I will NOT stand for this! I'm going to [[Rogueport]], NOW! I've got to kidnap her back!"''
*"''I'm pretty sure it's just up ahead here...''"
*"''Good! Yes, very good. Then I'm off! These fools don't know what's coming!''"
*"''Ready to roll!''"
*"''Lemme at 'em!''"
*"''Inconceivable!''"
*"''I'm on fire!''"
*"''I'm hungry!''"
*"''Next time!''"
*"''Ain't over yet!''"
*"''Charge!''"
*"''Good to go!''"
*"''Relax!''"
*"''Hoo... I'm tired.''"
*"''Still in it!''"
*"''Rampage time!''"
*"''Eh... OK.''"
*"''Go time!''"
*"''Feel it!''"
*"''I'm sleepy...''"
*"''Timing, baby!''"
*"''Rhythm, baby!''"
*"''Feeling good!''"
*"''Concentrate!''"
*"''GAAAAAAAH!''"
*"''Too close!''"
*"''Last...gasp!''"
*"''Break time.''"
*"''Here goes!''"
*"''Once more!''"
*"''I'm still OK!''"
*"''Never give up!''"
*"''Gotta do it!''"
*"''Hmmph! What a wuss. Yes, hide, chickens! I have no need for any of you! What I do need, though, is Princess Peach. Now, where is she? Tell me this instant!''"
*"''Bingo! Princess Peach! Man, that was easy!''"
*''"I've found you, my princess. I, Bowser, the mighty Koopa king, offer my greeting!"''
*"''Now, now! None of that silent treatment! You're coming to my [[Bowser's Castle|castle]] with me!''"
*"''Gra ha ha ha ha ha ha! I see! I see! How refined! How elegant! Awesome! I suppose I could live with a silent princess! It might even have its perks, you know?''"
*"''P-POSTER???''"
*''"Great. Just great. Now I look like the huge, mighty king of GUYS WHO TALK TO POSTERS!"''
*"''MAAAAAAAAARIOOOOOOO!!''"
*"''Word on the street was that some mustached doofus was in [[Glitzville]]...and lookee here! Talk about perfect timing! And now all these folks get to watch me murdalize you!''"
*"''Gwaaaaaa ha ha ha ha ha! I am gonna DESTROY you! And I have witnesses!''"
*"''Owf! Well, I'd expect nothing less from you, Mario! Figures you'd get some licks in!''"
*"''GAAAAAAH HA HA HA HA HA! I KNEW I would rock you! Oh, that's GOTTA sting! Man, I'm feeling about a million times better! I'm gonna go grab a soak.''"
*"''AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!''"
*"''Gruuuuuuuuuuurgh...''"
*"''Stupid, cheating Mario... Who would've thought that fool would be in Glitzville...''"
*"''Uh, no! Nothing at all, as far as you know! Hey! Did you see those little bite-size shrimps? What were those things?''"
*''"You're BOTH too old! HAR!"''
*''"It's hag vs. hag! Awesome!"''
*"''Uh... Nope! Nothing! Let's move on, shall we? You! [[Puni elder|Elder hag-thing]]! Where's the Crystal Star? And don't try pulling rank again: your answer, not your age, will determine your fate!''"
*"''Huh-WHAT?!?''"
*"''That jackal! Both Princess Peach and the Crystal Stars belong to me! To MEEEEE!!! If I find him, I'm going to finish him off once and for all! I SWEAR IT!''"
*"''Gra ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Forget that wimpy blimpy! I'll be riding [[Koopa Clown Car|THIS]], baby! I snuck into Glitzville once before, so I know the way. No problem-o! You go easy on your old limbs and take the slow ride on the blimp, Gramma!''"
*"''Huh? That don't sound good... What's that warning light? Oh, don't tell me... AAARRGGHH!!!''"
*"''Watery ears!''"
*"''Beware [[Blooper|squids]]!''"
*"''Haaaack... Oooooooog... A-CHOO! That was terrible... I gotta get in shape...''"
*"''...Swimming.''"
*"''... GRAAARGH!!!''"
*"''It was terrible! You hear me? I swallowed a dang Blooper! I wanted to have FUN! But forget it! It's over! Go get me some solid info on Princess Peach and the Crystal Stars! NOW!!!''"
*"''Bleck! What is [[Twilight Town|this place]]? Why is the light so weird here? It's spooking me out!''"
*"''Sounds good to me, Haggy! Let's go to it!''"
*"''Huh? Huh? Whuzzat? There's something in the grass! Yes, right there! I got the Twilight Blade! ............ I'm just joking. Sucker.''"
*''"Uh, actually, it's [[Lord Crump|YOU]] who's gonna spill every bit of info out of your big, ugly head! Yeah. Sorry about that. And if you hesitate at all, I'll show you no mercy!"''
*"''INCOMING!!!''"
*"''Huh? That was it? [[Superbombomb|That]] was your big weapon? It didn't even go off! GWA HA HA HA HA HA HA! This is how you do it, amateur! Watch and learn!''"
*"''Grrrrmph... Hrrrgh... Bluh. I've got no Crystal Stars... I can't find Princess Peach... Twilight Town was... Well, it wasn't exactly glorious. WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?!? If this keeps up, Mario's gonna steal everything from my grasp! AS USUAL!!!''"
*"''Hmph! About time! Well done! This is where it all turns around for me! Definitely!''"
*"''No problem! Direct me there! I'll blast us through! I'm Bowser, baby!''"
*"''Puh-lease! No problem! I felt right at home! But...where are we now?''"
*"''Hello! Could it be? Aw, YEAH! A Crystal Star! Advantage, Bowser!''"
*"''Grraggh! Who's there???''"
*"''Gra ha ha ha ha ha ha! Oh, look! What an adorable little weakling! Hi, [[Rawk Hawk|fella]]!''"
*"''Gra ha ha ha ha! Aww! Now you're sleeping! I KNEW you were a weakling!''"
*"''Whoa! The Crystal Star!''"
*"''Wh-WHAT?!? Speak English!''"
*''"I don't know anybody named Gonzales! Stop speaking in riddles, you chicken nugget!"''
*''"CRUD!!! Who do I have to flatten to get a Crystal Star?!? Who?!? WHOOOO?!?"''
*''"Well, we're here! Now where's this stupid [[Poshley Sanctum]]? A Crystal Star's there, right?"''
*''"Great! About time something worked out for old Bowser! In we go!"''
*''"Wh–What? That's... disgusting! Get away from me, psycho! You can't have my horns!"''
*''"...Whoa. I don't have a CLUE what you're talking about! You people scare me. Seriously."''
*"''Gwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! I am Bowser! BOWSER!!! Evil King Extraordinaire!''"
*''"Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! I am Bowser, businessman of legend! Fear my accounting!"''
*"''Gra ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! I am the great [[Koopa Koot]]! All-Time Ancient Babbler!''"
*''"DARN IT!"''
*''"Whoa, baby! Awesome! It opened! Talk about lucky! I guess rage really pays!"''
*''"Yes! This is it, Haggy!!! This is finally it!"''
*''"Gwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! At last, I've gotten my mitts on a Crystal Star! YESSS!!!"''
*''"What are you implying? I'm no little thief, I'm..."''
*''"Bowser, the Remorseless King of Evil! So I'll take what I want! And I want THIS!"''
*''"Bowser, the Shadow Thief! Not A thief, the BEST thief! I'll be taking this, thanks!"''
*''"The great [[Koopa Koot]]! I'm taking this! Mess with me, and I'll bore you to death!"''
*''"Whuh-WHAAAAAAAAT?!? A FAKE?!?"''
*''"You have got to be kidding me. You mean to tell me that LUIGI beat me here?"''
*''"ARRGH! Those Mario Bros. are the most annoying brothers of all time!"''
*''"Huh-WHAAAAAAAAT?!?! [[The Thousand-Year Door]]...? What in the heck is that?"''
*''"YAARGHH!!! Then I'm going there, too! IMMEDIATELY! And I'm gonna RUIN Mario!"''
*"''GWAAAAAAAR! Ooooooooooooooooooooooog...''"
*"''Urrrgh... That was a surprise... I didn't think I'd fall... Have I put on weight?''"
*"''GWAAAAAAAAAAARF! Why is MARIO here?!?''"
*''"I don't know what's going on here, but I'm gonna put an end to it RIGHT NOW! Mario! First, I pound you. Then, I take the princess! And then, the treasure!''" 
*"''Gwar har har har har har! Aww, all worn out from battle, Mario? Yes! Easy pickings! Today's the day I flush a plumber down the drain!"''
*''"Gwar har har har har har! What's a finale without a Bowser appearance, huh? A cruddy finale, that's what! Now, hold still while I trounce you and take my Peach!"''
*''"Gwar har har har har har! I sure do feel good today! I am FEELING IT!!!''"
*"''OOOF! So, Mario... You still have some fight in you! Not bad!''"
*''"Graaaaaaaaaaaagh! No more! Kammy! Take care of this, you burly hag, you..."''
*''"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!''"
*"''WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! How could this happen?!?''"
*"''Mrrrrrrrrrgh...''"

==[[Bristle]]==
*"''Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo! [[Mario|You]]'re gonna be coleslaw, kid! And that ain't good!''"
*"''Lemme ask you something-how does it feel to be coleslaw? Icky?''"

==[[Bub]]==
*"''Wow! You're big, Mister! What's your name?''"
**(Evil King Extraordinaire)
**''<big><big>"Yuh-YEEEK!"</big></big>''
**(Businessman of Legend)
**"''Oh, a businessman? Like… Business trips, bribes, and brown noses! Oh my! Wow. Tough life, huh? So, mister, are you in charge of the coffeemaker or what?''"
**(Koopa Koot)
**"''Uh… Yeah… Right… Mister, that name stinks!''"

==[[Bub-ulber]]==
*"''Top of the morning! 'Tis I, Bub-ulber. I am as happy as can be! Why? Simply because I'm surrounded by flowers!''"
*"''Most flowers keep their tongues still, but make no mistake, they understand us. ...Which is why I ask that you always speak kindly to our floral friends. Deal?''"

==[[Bumpty]]==
*"''Oh, hello there, guy! Poshley Heights is nice on a warm afternoon, eh? What's that? You're a great and evil king, are you? Reeeeeeeeeeally… Yah… Y'know, guy, I think maybe you got a little too much sun, eh?''"

==[[Businessman]]==
*"''Huh? I shouldn't give up so easily? Yeah, maybe you're right… OK! I'll do it! I just have to convince the Fat Dog guy! I'm on it! I won't leave this place until I convince him! Wow! Thanks for all your help. Here's your reward. What? Your inventory's full! Well, I'll leave it here, and you can pick it up anytime.''"

==[[Chain Chomp]]==
*"''ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF!''"
*"''YIPE! YIPE! YIPE! YIPE!''"

==[[Chef Shimi]]==
*"''HELLO! I am Chef Shimi, the culinary expert! Glad to make your complaintance!''"
*"''So sorry! Cheep Cheep is my first language, you know.''"
*"''Today's lunch is so amazing it will make your tongue cry out in shame!''"
*"''Please do taste it, so that my passion does not wither alone in a pot of loneliness!''"
*"''No! My heart cries out in the salty pain of misery! That was my masterbeast!''"
*"''And now it is gone, and I am left with tears of horror in my eyes!''"
*"''A mystery, you just said? ...And, uh, um, er, exactly... what kind of dish is that?''"

==[[Cleftor]]==
*"''Grack! Cleftor no like make friend with [[Mario|mustache]].''"
*"''No lonely... [[King K|Him]] too weak... Now him not here. Sound normal to Cleftor.''"
*"''Grack! Mustache better than Cleftor when Cleftor was Mustache's age.''"
*"''This no take long. This end in pain for mustache.''"
*"''Pathetic mustache.''"

==[[Chet Rippo]]==
*"''Hee hee hee! You've come quite a ways! This is Chet Rippo's Adjustment House. If you think you want to change your abilities or your partners' ranks... Then I can adjust those things for the low, low price of [price] coin[s]. So... Who needs some adjustment, hmmm?''" (GCN)
**"''Hee hee hee! You've come quite a ways! This is Chet Rippo's Adjustment House. If you think you want to change your stats or your partners' ranks... then I can adjust those things for the low, low price of [price] coin[s]. So... Who needs some adjustment, hmmm?''" (Switch)
*"''Hee hee hee hee hee! Welcome to Chet Rippo's Adjustment House. So... Who needs some adjustment, hmmmm? You? Or your partner?''" (GCN)
**"''Hee hee hee hee hee! Welcome to Chet Rippo's Adjustment House. So... for [price] coins, who needs some adjustment? You? Your partner?''" (Switch)
*"''Who needs some adjustment? You? Or your partner?''"
*"''Who needs some adjustment for the low, low price of [price] coins? You? Or maybe your partner here?"''" (Switch)
*"''Well, come again!''"
*"''You don't have enough coins! Come back when you're rich!''"
*"''I can't adjust your abilities right now... Sorry.''"
*"''I'll boost [stat 1], but it'll decrease [stat 2]. Does that sound good for [price] coin[s]?''" (GCN)
**"''I'll boost your [stat 1], but that means decreasing your [stat 2]. Does that sound good for coins?''" (Switch)
*"''I can't adjust your partner's rank right now.''"
*"''Boost [partner 1]'s rank and drop [partner 2]'s rank... Does that sound good for [price] coin[s]?''" (GCN)
**"''So I'll boost [partner 1]'s rank, and drop [partner 2]'s rank. Does that sound good for [price] coins?''" (Switch)
*"''I'm all done. You ran low on BP, so I removed all your badges.''"
*"''Boogity boogity bee! Boogaba boogaba boo! Lippity skippity skoo!''"
*"''HEEE-YAH!''"
*"''I'm finished. So... Unless you need anything else, get outta here!''" (GCN exclusive)
*"''Hee hee hee hee hee! Welcome to Chet Rippo's Adjustment House. This is where you come to adjust your abilities or your partners' ranks. If you want some adjustment done, talk to me from the other side of the table.''" (GCN)
**"''Hee hee hee hee hee! Welcome to Chet Rippo's Adjustment House. This is where you come to adjust your stats or your partners' ranks. If you want some adjustment done, talk to me from the other side of the table."'' (Switch)

==[[Cortez]]==
*"''Enough! I grow tired of this spooky 'OoOoO' business! I am a pirate, blast it! Pirates do not MOAN! I am a cold-blooded villain who robs innocents of life and loot, not a crying ghost!''"
*"''I'll turn [[Mario|your]] mustache into a bone polisher, amigo! Yohohohohohohohohoho!''"
*"''Now you will see the true might of my spirit form!''"
*"''Yohohohohohohohohoho! You are foolish, amigo! For I am not dead! Well, technically, I was already dead...but my spirit endures, tied to my treasure! So you cannot do anything to me! I do not live, amigo! Still, guarding this treasure for hundreds of years is almost as boring as death!''"
*"''Huh?!? You want [[Sapphire Star|this]], amigo?''"
*"''This [[Sapphire Star|little rock]] over here? Are you serious?''"
*"''Well, that's no big deal... Here, take it.''"
*"''What do I need one or two extra gems for? I did not really like that one, anyway.''"
*"''Well, that should do it! If you don't need anything else, away with you, amigo!''"
*"''...Oh, what? It is you again? Did you forget something?''"
*"''WHAAAT? What would possess me to lend [[Flavio|you]] my ship?''"
*"''...And who are [[Flavio|you]], anyway?''"
*"''What are [[Flavio|you]] talking about, muchacho? I do not rent [[Black Skull|this ship]] for pleasure cruises!''"
*"''And even if I would lend it to you...[[Black Skull|this ship]] is magical, and it cannot move now...''"
*"''The key to powering [[Black Skull|this ship]] is the mystical [[Skull Gem]]...''"
*"''[[Flavio|YOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUU!]] You have the [[Skull Gem]]!''"
*"''...Old friend? Your ancestors stole that [[Skull Gem|gem]] from me, you strutting peacock!''"
*"''You must be very brave or very, VERY foolish to ask such a thing of me!''"
*"''I should turn you into a pinata and throw a party on the beach!''"
*"''RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGH! You rattle my bones, Senor Peacock!''"
*"''.........Very well. I accept your bargain, amigo! Now, be very careful with that gem!''"
*"''Ahhhh! Now my precious [[Black Skull]] will sail the seas again!''"
*"''I was getting quite annoyed by the sound of cannons outside, anyway!''"
*"''Now I can really stretch my bones and wreak havoc on the seas like in the old days!''"
*"''It's been a millennium since I gazed out upon the sea! Come! To the open waters!''"
*"''[[Lord Crump|You]] fire cannons here...without my permission? You have nerve, mortal!''"
*"''Hear my voice, [[Ember|spirits]]! Take [[X-Naut|their]] [[X-Ship|ship]] and show them the meaning of fear!''"
*"''[[Mario|You]]... You have distinguished yourself in battle, amigo!''"
*"''You are worthy in my eyes! You may use this ship, the [[Black Skull]], anytime you like''"
*"''Ready, amigos? Cast off!''"
*"''That reminds me, amigo... If you ever get the urge to return to [[Keelhaul Key]], just say the word, okay?''"
*"''I will send you to the island faster than the fastest winds blow, comprende?''"

==[[Craw-Daddy]]==
*"''Foolish mortals... I will drag you through the gate to the [[netherworld]]!''"

==[[Dark Bones]]==
*"''Let those who would disturb [[Shadow Queen|her]] sleep fall into the depths of endless darkness...''"

==[[Dark Craw]]==
*"''Foolish mortals... I will drag you through the gate to the netherworld!''"
*"''Your screams echo in the endless void...''"

==[[Darkly]]==
*"''Hi there! The name's Darkly. Do you guys need something?''"
*"''Huh? [[Mario|You]] want to know how to get through the [[pipe]] to [[Twilight Town]]?''"
*"''Couldn't be easier! [[Mario|You]] just need to have something that has your name written on it. Don't you have anything that has your name written on it? C'mon, everyone does!''"
*"''No? Really? OK. Hang on. I'll write it for you. What's your name?''"
*"''[[Mario]], huh? OK... I'll write it here on the seat of your overalls. M-A-R-I-O, right?''"
*"''There! Perfect-a-mundo! While I'm at it, I'll write your [[partner]]'s name, too. What's your name?''"
*"''I don't know what errand is taking [[Mario|you]] to [[Twilight Town]], but I hope it goes well. I'll be rooting for you!''"

==[[Dazzle]]==
*"''My name is Dazzle! And I collect [[Star Piece (Paper Mario series)|Star Pieces]]! The more I collect, the happier I am! So, [[Mario|guy]], if you have any Star Pieces, I'll trade you my [[Badge|badges]] for them! Yay! Come on! Let's trade!''"
*"''Which badge do you want to trade for?''"
*"''Hey! You don't have any Star Pieces! Are you trying to swindle me? Go away!''" (GCN exclusive)
*"''I'll trade [badge name] for sweet, sweet Star Pieces! How does [price] sound? You need [BP amount] BP to wear this badge, OK, guy? Are you sure you want it?''" (GCN)
**"''What? Changed your mind? You aren't very decisive, are you, guy? Then, do you want to trade for a different badge?''" (after selecting no, GCN exclusive)
**"''You'll need [BP amount] BP to wear it. You wanna trade [price] sweet, sweet Star Pieces for this [badge name]?''" (Switch)
*"''What? Changed your mind? Thanks to you, guy, my Star Piece collection has grown! Maybe we can trade again sometime, yeah?''" (GCN exclusive)
*"''You can't carry any more badges! Come trade with me after you sell some badges!''"
*"''But, um, you don't have enough Star Pieces?''" (Switch)
*"''"YESSS! Thanks to you, guy, my Star Piece collection is even bigger now! YESSS! Maybe we can trade again sometime, yeah?"''
*"''Hey, [[Mario|guy]]! Come on, now! Can't we trade some more?''"
*"''Let's trade more!''" (Switch)
*"''OK! See you later!''"
*"''What? [[Mario|You]] changed your mind? So...LAME!!!''" (GCN)
**"''What? You changed your mind? Awww... come ON!!''" (Switch)
*"''Do you want to trade Star Pieces for badges? Oh, but I'm all out of badges.. I'm so sorry, guy!''" (GCN)
**"''You want to trade Star Pieces for badges? Oh, but I'm all out of badges.. I'm so sorry, guy!''" (Switch)

==[[Doe T.]]==
*"''Ah... Now, this is a problem.''"
*"''...Eh? What's that [[Mario|you]] say? Ah! You could help me?''"
*"''Excellent! Just marvelous! I was just about to give up on the whole deal.''"
*"''I came to [[Boggly Woods|the woods]] just to see the [[Great Tree]], but the thugs up ahead scared me. Contending with the goons is not part of my repertoire, so to speak, so I've stalled here. Do [[Mario|you]] suppose you could give all the goons up ahead a proper trashing for me?''"
*"''Well, I'll be waiting here until [[Mario|you]] do. Thanks in advance, chum.''"
*"''Done already, eh? Marvelous! I can finally see the [[Great Tree]]! I'm in [[Mario|your]] debt, sir! It isn't much, but, I hope this will do for your troubles. It's my change for lunch...''"
*"''Perhaps I'll see you up ahead.''"
*"''Ah, the [[Great Tree]]... As you watch us foolishly continue to repeat history. What could you think of us? You can do nothing but stand and watch our ignorance. No! What rot! To assume that a tree can do nothing! That only proves my own foolishness!''"

==[[Don Pianta]]==
*"''What's wid you, [[Mario|wise guy]]? I ain't too jolly today ... If you got a beef, spit it out quick or dis is gonna hurt.''"
*"''Ex-CUSE me? [[Mario|You]] want a ... You want me to give you a ticket for da blimp? See, now, to me, dat's funny ... You a stand-up comedian? No? You oughta be. You got some nerve askin' me for dat. I'm Don Pianta! I make cryin' babies weep!''"
*"''Not so fast, boys. I like dis [[Mario|kid's]] gumption. He just came to talk, no? Dat ain't a crime. So we talk. You boys can wait 'til we're done before you rough him up, you got it? So, I gotta assume you gotta reason for wantin' a ticket for da blimp. Out wid it!''"
*"''What's dat? You wanna help some broad what got herself kidnapped? An' to rescue dis dame, you're out collectin' da [[Crystal Stars]]?''"
*"''Everybody, just ... shut it. I don't care if da treasure is real or not. Get me? But I tell ya, I can't help but like a guy who wants to rescue some skirt he fell for. I made my decision! You do me a little...favor...an' you get your blimp ticket. Sounds fair, right?''"
*"''It's easy. It's nothin'. It's less dan nothin'. See, da thing is... [[Francesca|My own daughter]]...eloped wit' one of my young...associates. Dey vanished...but it wasn't too long ago dat dey did. Dey oughta still be nearby. You gotta find my daughter, Francesca, an' dis... [[Frankie]]...an' bring dem both here. If you are unable to bring dem here, then alls you gotta do is tell me where dey are. Then I shall settle dis matter quickly, an' wid what is known as extreme prejudice.''"
*"''QUIET, YOU! It's 'cause you lugs can't find her dat I gotta swallow my pride an' ask dis guy!!! I hope you dopes ain't makin' complaints 'bout my decision. You makin' complaints?''"
*"''Good. I'm glad we're all of full understandin' for one another.''"
*"''So it's settled, yeah? Find my daughter an' her...friend. Den come see me. [[Francesca]] and [[Frankie]] look like dis:''"
*"''An' just so we're clear here... If you don't find [[Francesca|my daughter]], your luck may turn terrible...''"
*"''Oh. Look who's come back. Da proverbial mustache. You gonna brighten my mood? So give. What you got? You know da whereabouts of dese two runaways?''"
*(Sure do. And I'll tell you.)
**"''Oh, is dat a true fact? Rogueport Harbor, eh? Well done. I appreciate dis favor you done for me. I'll prepare your blimp tickets.''"
**"''Hey! Hey! You two nimrods! Da kids are at da harbor! NOW GO GET 'EM!''"
*(Uh... I can't tell you that.)
**"''What? I must be goin' deaf. Did you just say to me dat you couldn't tell me? You come waltzin' in here an' say that to me? To ME!? Do I look like a sucker to you?''"
**"''I warned you, wise guy! Fine! We're gonna need a mop to pick up what's left of you!''"
*"''[[Frankie]]! So! Back you come, head hung low an' wit' your tail between your legs!''"
*"''Oh look. Da [[Mario|proverbial mustache]].''"
*"''Hey! It's [[Mario|you]] again! Y'know, the sky goin' dark was nothin' at all.''"
*"''It was great for us! You shouda seen the way people were blowin' their dough!''"

==[[Doopliss]]==
*"''Hey, hang on, there, [[Mario|Slick]]! What are you doing, interrupting my 'ME' time?''"
*"''Who're you calling a monster? What's your problem? Why do you need to pick a fight? I'm busy thinking up new pranks and stuff! It's not easy, either! Now get lost! ...Of course, you guys WON'T. No way [[party|you ninnies]] go away quietly, am I right?''"
*"''Well, all right, then, Slick. Fine. Yes. I turned the villagers into pigs. Big deal."''
*"''Well... You know, they're all so depressing and boring and dimwitted all the time... So instead of wallowing in gloom, I figured they might as well wallow in mud! HA! Now they're pigs, get it? Isn't that just sooo perfect? It's like irony, or something. So...what? You got a problem with that? I guess you do. So let's play, Slick!"''
*"''Yuk yuk yuk! I guess I'll get down and dirty if you're gonna play like that, Slick!"''
*"''Hmm... Time to regroup, here. So, you think you're a couple of heavies, huh? Well then, my dear friends... If you thought changing folks into pigs was impressive... Then you're gonna love this! I've got something very special for you here..."''
*"''How do you like them apples? Now that's MAGIC, people! Now you're fighting yourself! Ha! I'm a dang genius!''"
*"''Yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk! Hold on... Wha... Wha... Huh? You beat me?"''
*"''Hey, what's up, Slick? Been waiting for you!"''
*"''Yeah, you're [[Mario]], right? What a great name! And I really dig this body, too! MAN can I [[jump]] now! And hey! You're so popular around here! I get mobbed! I just love being you! Yeah, it's so cool, I don't think I ever wanna stop!''"
*"''So, you figured it out by now, right, Slick? Your body and name belong to me now! See, I've got the power to change my shape into anyone I want... It comes in handy. But to REALLY be someone, I need to take their name and body, too! Which means you turn into a shadow and can't use your name!"''
*"''Tough break, Slick! That's not enough, either... I aim to erase you for good!"''
*"''I guess it'd be unsporting to ruin you without a challenge...so I'll give you one chance. If you guess my real name, then I'll give you back your name and body! What do you say, Slick? This'll be fun, right? Now, guess! What's my name? Hit me with your best shot!"''
*"''Wrongamundo, little nobody! Who'd name their kid that? Prepare for doom, Slick! Yuk yuk yuk! And don't even think about running from battle, hear? NO RUNNING!''"
*"''Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww... That's no fun..."''
*"''I would've done this back in town, but that wouldn't have looked very good, would it?"''
*"''All right, can the chatter! Here's the deal: you get your chance, then I stomp you! If you guess my real name, then you get your body and name back. Fire away, No-Name!"''
*"''Hey, Slick! Time to cancel your magazine subscriptions, 'cause you're getting erased! But first, please amuse me with one more guess... It really gives me joy to watch you squirm in futility as you try to guess my name! So...hit me one more time!"''
*"''Wha... What did you just say?!?"''
*"''It can't be..."''
*"''NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW?"''
*"''I'm...feeling...faint..."''
*"''Hey, you again, eh, Slick? You're pretty stubborn to follow me all the way here!"''
*"''Fine. Fine. I see. I get it. Let's just put an end to this, shall we?"''
*"''All right, [[party|kids]], put on your fighting gloves! Uh... Woo hoo! It's-a me!''"
*"''Very good, my loyal ones. How dare this nameless nobody challenge the great Mario?!?''"
*"''What's going on here, huh? Fight with your girlfriend? Well, don't expect any sympathy from us, ghoulies!"''
*"''Yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk! See? Your friends ditch you because you don't have the charisma of me, [[Mario|Super Mario]]!"''
*"''Ughhhh...''"
*"''Gulp! How dare you try to do this to the great [[Mario|Super Mario]]?!? How DARE you?!?"''
*"''Graaaack! I've almost had it.. [[Mario|Super Mario]]'s hurting..."''
*"''No... Why... HOW?!?"''
*"''Rats! YOU KILLJOYS!!!"''
*"''Hey, guy. Yeah, you know this, but I'm the absurdly famous movie star, [[Zip Toad]]. I'm gonna shoot this little multibillion-dollar art flick in [[Poshley Heights]], yo. Oh, and, uh, I only sign autographs for cute chicks. Sorry about that, guy.''"
*"''I'm dying for a taco, [[Chef Shimi|guy]]! Couldn't you just whip up some grub real quick? What? [[Heff T.|They]] took the whole pot? Really? The whole deal? ...This isn't in my contract.''"
*"''WHAT? A MYSTERY?''"
*"''Oooooooooooooooh...''"
*"''Aw, this scene is for total squares! Forget you guys! I'm going back to my room.''"
*"''So...lame...''"
*"''Hey, thanks, babe.''"
*"''Hey, guy. Getting falsely accused is a bummer, right? Don't I know it!''"
*"''What does that little [[Bub]] kid want as a present? Uh............................................ Well, I'm sure he'd be stoked to have an autograph of mine, right, guy? Oh, man, don't they all? I can't do it, unfortunately. I only sign for chicks.''"
*"''Zow! Where'd you come from? You won't me catching me that easily, guy!''"
*"''YOOOOWCH!''"
*"''Curses! I almost got away with it by getting off at [[Riverside Station]], too...''"
*"''Bleah...''"
*"''Hey, I think not, Slick! You think you can hold me? No way! [[Beldam]] would flip if I let that happen!''"
*"''This whole [[Zip Toad]] thing was just a means to an end! It's me, suckers! Doopliss! [[Beldam]]'s plan to gooify [[Mario]] didn't exactly work, so I'll be cutting and running now! I'll leave the rest to Beldam! See ya, suckers!''"
*"''Hey! Don't leave without me!"''
*"''What kept you, Mario?!? ...Well, it doesn't matter now. I don't think they're in the vicinity anymore. They must have found another way to get through [[The Thousand-Year Door|the door]]...''"
*"''It's all come down to this! Hurry now, Mario! Hold aloft the last [[Crystal Star]]!''"
*"''At long last, the entrance to the [[Palace of Shadow]] has been opened! Before [[Princess Peach]] falls victim to [[Sir Grodus|that fiend]]... Before he takes over the world... You must rescue the princess and stop this cataclysm!''"
*"''Me? I'd just get in the way. I'll wait here and, uh, watch the door. Yes, that's it. It's all up to you, Mario. Stop their foul ambitions and save Princess Peach!''"
*"''Uh, yeah, my name's Doopliss, but...''"
*"''That's right, Slick! Eternity!''"
*"''Oh, OK... Right... Sorry...''"
*"''I said, my name's DOOPLISS!"''
*"''OK! OK! OK! OK!"''
*"''S-S-S-Sorry..."''
*"''Oh, no!''"
*"''Hnuuuurrggh...''"
*"''Hey! HEY! Hey, wait!''"

==[[Dull Bones]]==
*"''We're gonna take the skin off [[Mario|YOUR]] bones!''"
*"''Pbbbbbbbth! You need more calcium in your diets!''"

==[[Dupree]]==
*"''Ah, bonjour, [[Goombella|mademoiselle]]. Eet eez a beautiful day, no?''"
*"''No, no, no, no, no. Not you, [[Mario|Monsieur Mustache]]. I am speaking to zee [[Goombella|lovely leetle cabbage]] behind you.''"
*"''What do you say, [[Goombella|my pretty]]? Abandon [[Mario|zis dullard]] and come away with moi!''"
*"''Oh! Oh! Oh! Sacre bleu! Such brutal 'onesty! Such a sharp tongue!''"
*"''Well, I retreat for now. If you change your mind, [[Goombella|cheri]], come find me!''"

==[[Eve]]==
*"''I haven't been able to buy food for my children since my husband turned into a pig. Now they're all so hungry... What should I do?''"
*"''Kind traveler... If you have some spare food, could you share it with us?''"
*"''Oh, thank you so much. You've made my children very happy...and me, as well. It's not much, but please take this as thanks. Oh, and kind traveler... Where do you hail...''"
*"''Oh, of course, I understand. Please don't worry about it... Oh, by the way, traveler... Where do you hail...''"
*"''Thanks to Mario, our village is back to normal at last. If you see Mario, you should thank him, too!''"
*"''Mario, congratulations on finding your Crystal Star. These kids are MY treasures. Nothing could replace them. And nothing ever will. I hope you'll find something that you can feel the same way about someday.''"
*"''Ah, Mario. Did you find what you were looking for? Keep looking, no matter where the road takes you. Never, never give up. But don't wear yourself out, either. You must keep body and mind healthy. Feel free to visit anytime. The children are always happy to see you...as am I.''"
*"''Ah, Mario. You seem to have found what you were looking for, correct? Feel free to visit anytime. The children are always happy to see you...as am I.''"
*"''Oh, Mario, you've accepted my trouble request? Well... It's hard to talk about in front of the children. Can we step outside?''"
*"''I need you to help me to meet someone... His name is Podley...my former love. We had the same dream: to be stars of the musical stage. We shared our dreams, and we shared a wonderful love for a time. In that cramped little apartment, we huddled together, poor but happy.''"
*"''But when I finally got a part in a Broadshroom play as the leading lady... Podley left me. He left a quickly scrawled note that said only this: "My dear, I would only dim your bright future. Farewell." Oh, Podley! WHY? My dream was always to be with you, not to be a star that shines alone! I wanted only to shine with him... Success was nothing without him.''"
*"''I left the production while it was in rehearsal. I forgot about Podley and my dreams. I got married and lived the life of a housewife, happy in its quiet comforts... And now... I'm surrounded by beautiful children. My happiness is so complete now, I had forgotten about those days...''"
*"''But then I heard a rumor that Podley was running a Chuckola shop in Rogueport! Could you please tell him that I would like to see him again? Tell him that Purehearted Eve has not forgotten her first love! Yes, "Purehearted Eve" was my stage name... Please meet with Podley and ask how he feels about me. Please, Mario!''"
*"''Have you met with Podley? Not yet, I see… Please meet with Podley and ask how he feels about me. Please, Mario!''"
*"''Have you met with Podley? Really… What did he say?''"
**(Tell her the truth.)
**"''So Podley has forgotten about me… Sniff… That's fine… I guess I was just feeling nostalgic… I'll probably forget about it. You know… I have these little ones to think of…so I have plenty to keep my mind busy…''"
**(Make something up, quick!)
**"''Oh, Podley… I knew our love could never die! Thank you…but no more! I'm a different person now. Yes, a devoted mother… Just knowing he feels the same is enough for me to know joy for all of my days. Thank you so much, Mario. You've breathed new life into this old girl's heart…''"
*"''Oh, we're having a feast tonight, kids! I have special dinners from Zess T.'s shop! Mario, you have one, too! …Oh, Mario, your inventory is full… Well, I'll just leave this here for you to grab whenever you can.''"

==Eve's children==
*"''Mommmmmy...''"
*"''I'm hungry...''"
*"''Food, please!''"
*"''EEEEEEEK!''"
*"''NOOOOOOO!''"
*"''WAAAAAAH!''"
*"''Mommy... You're a piggy...''"
*"''Hey! Fix my mommy!''"
*"''Hey... Are pigs good eatin'?''"
*"''Mommy...''"
*"''I'm hungry...''"
*"''Pork chops...''"
*"''Hey, Mario!''"
*"''You're back!''"
*"''Gift for me?''"
*"''MOMMMMMMY!''"
*"''SO HUNGRY!''"
*"''FOOD! FOOD!''"
*"''Yum! Yum!''"
*"''Mommy?''"
*"''Why are you crying, Mom?''"

==[[Excess Express conductor]]==
*"''Mario, won't you please look for the unticketed passenger and get that blanket back?''"
**(I don't have time)
**"''Oh, really… That's too bad… I guess I'll just huddle under a candy wrapper…''"

==[[Excess Express engineer]]==
*"''Greetings! Welcome to the Excess Express! I'm what is called the train engineer. Our opulent journey to Poshley Heights will take approximately three days. And how do you find your accommodations? Are they not incredibly splendid? Our furnishings delight the eye, but the sway of our locomotive delights all else!''"
*"''So let’s all hear it… for the Excess Express! Huzzah! Huzzah!''"
*"''What-what? A sticky, yummy threat of some kind? Are you serious? Oh, that shan't be good for business... I can't leave the controls, so can you inform the conductor at the end of the train?''"
*"''Running this train during the sunset is the high point of every day for me!''"

==[[Excess Express waitress]]==
*"''So, are you maybe ready to help me out now?''"
**(No)
**"''You are not cool.''"
*"''Gooooood moooooooorning! ☆ So, any chance you've seen my Shell Earrings anywhere?''"
*"''Did you see that Zip Toad came to last night's dinner? But I really have to say… he's like, waaaaaaaaay cuter on the big screen… Maybe they all are? ☆''"

==[[Fahr Outpost mayor]]==
*"''Now, everyone in!''"
*"''It is time! Big bomb cannon'' (GCN) / ''[[Big Bob]] cannon'' (Switch)''... FIIIRE!''"

==[[Flavio]]==
*"''And what do you want, ah? Who, me, you ask about? Ah! I am called Flavio. I am, how you say? A trader. The richest man in Rogueport. Monetary wealth gives me freedom, yes, and freedom gives me wealth of spirit! And yet...why is it that a man whose life is unchained must always long for yet more, ah? What is missing from my life? This tears at my very insides! I must know! What do I lack?''"
*"''I growl at [[Admiral Bobbery|you]] like an angry jungle beast! I ought to...''"
*"''...Um, no. Not fair. Flavio hates you all.''"
*"''What? You want me to give you the [[Chuckola Cola (Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door)|Chuckola Cola]]? Ha! I must scoff at you!''"
*"''Yes, having my beautiful S.S. Flavion smashed to bits was not a financial boon, hm?''"

==[[Flurrie]]==
*"''Ahhh! [[Boggly Woods|These woods]] are the most wonderful in all the world. Yes, indeed!''"
*"''Building a house [[Boggly Woods|here]] was just the FINEST idea I ever did have. Oh, my, yes! ♡''"
*"''[[Boggly Woods|This place]] is so different from the bright flashbulbs of the world I'm used to...''"
*"''Such peace... This negative image of the real world soothes my body and soul.''"
*"''But what's even better...is that I, Madame Flurrie, grow ever more lovely [[Boggly Woods|here]]!''"
*"''Plus, those squishy, adorable little [[Puni]]es that live in [[the Great Tree|that tree]] are SO nice to me!''"
*"''But...I suppose if I stay [[Boggly Woods|here]] too long, I'll begin to crave hustle and bustle before long!''"
*"''Oh! Oh, my! It's happening even as I speak! Already I feel the need for drama! ♡''"
*"''That moment of exhilaration when the spotlight shines down on the stage...on me!''"
*"''Surely I was born to be...an actress for the ages! ♡''"
*"''It's settled, then. I shall rise again! But...before I make my stage comeback... I simply must whip my body and mind into shape. ♡''"
*"''I'll just have to put on some makeup and make my beauty even more beautiful.''"
*"''Wait a moment... Noooooooooooooo! It's gone! Gone I tell you! My... My...''"
*"''Eeeeek! No! Out of the question! You mustn't come in here! ♡''"
*"''Oh! Wait a moment... Those darling, squishy little footsteps... Is that you, [[Punio]]?''"
*"''Oh, it's been an AGE since I saw [[Punio|you]] last! You poor dear! Is there something you need?''"
*"''Oh... Is that all, [[Punio|dearie]]? You came all the way [[Flurrie's House|here]] just for that?''"
*"''My adorable little [[Punio]]... You know I would do anything in my power to help you.''"
*"''However, lamentably... I'm in a bit of a bind myself. I just cannot come out.''"
*"''It's somewhat embarrassing...but I never go out without [[Necklace (Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door)|my favorite necklace]].''"
*"''I just can't find the [[Necklace (Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door)|blessed thing]]! I suspect I dropped it on my daily constitutional.''"
*"''I'd be simply SCANDALIZED if anyone saw me without [[Necklace (Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door)|it]], so I shan't be going out.''"
*"''I absolutely MUST have that [[Necklace (Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door)|neckalace]] to highlight my beauty, and that's that!''"
*"''What's that? DO speak up! [[Partner|You]]! Whoever just spoke! Do you have some clue as to my necklace's whereabouts?''"
*"''Building a house [[Boggly Woods|here]] was just the FINEST idea I ever did have. Oh, my, yes! ♡''"
*"''If [[Partner|you]] do, you must help me! Please! Be a dear! Find [[Necklace (Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door)|it]] and bring it back to me!''"
*"''If [[Partner|you]] could, then I'd be delighted to help my squishy little friend, Punio. ♡''"
*"''I'm sorry to trouble [[Mario|you]] so. ♡''"
*"''Please! [[Mario|You]] must find my precious necklace! I'm counting on you! ♡''"
*"''Oh! [[Mario|You]] delightful fellow! You've found my necklace! I'm beside myself, truly! ♡''"
*"''But...[[Mario|you]] still mustn't see me. Please, leave the necklace by the door and wait a moment.''"
*"''Oh, splendid, SPLENDID! My oh-so-ravishing necklace! I'm awash with joy! ♪''"
*"''Oh! Oh...my...word! Mario, isn't it! Are YOU my heroic little necklace hunter?''"
*"''Well! My, my, my... Aren't [[Mario|you]] a FINE specimen of a man? Yes, indeed! ♡''"
*"''I simply MUST thank [[Mario|you]] for your graciousness! ♡''"
*"''But how to do it? Hmmm... Perhaps if I...grabbed [[Mario|you]] and gave you a little sugar? ♡''"
*"''Here I come, [[Mario|handsome]]! Time to give you a proper thank-you! Pucker up! ♡''"
*"''Oh, Mario, you are just the CUTEST little thing I've ever laid eyes on! ♡''"
*"''Yes [[Mario|you]] are, and that's that. So tell me, are you truly looking for the [[Crystal Stars]]?''"
*"''The very same Crystal Stars spoken of by all the lowlifes in [[Rogueport]]?''"
*"''Mmmm... A danger-filled search for beautiful jewels... How absolutely marvelous!''"
*"''And here I was thinking how frightfully bored I was! It's time for a change!''"
*"''And besides, I do declare... That plush mustache of [[Mario|yours]] has completely swooned me!''"
*"''A man as manly as [[Mario|you]] must attract all sorts of trouble, and I want to keep you safe!''"
*"''So, I daresay I'll be joining you on this little adventure. I assume that's fine, Mario? ♡''"
*"''Excuse me? We must what? Are you a friend of Mario’s? Oh, wait… I see. And I most certainly do NOT approve!''"
*"''Oh, mercy me! Mario! You’re popular with all the girls, aren’t you?''"
*"''Well! Don’t worry, Mario! I’m not TOO jealous. What a shamelss flirt, though!''"
*"''Say, if you have a moment… Might I ask a question? We’re looking for a lovely gem called a Crystal Star… Do you know of it?''"
*"''My goodness! Would you look at that! A pipe leading down. Let’s see where it leads!''"
*"''Oh, what a PRECIOUS little thing! He hasn’t done anything wrong. Mario, we simply must go easy on the poor dear.''"
*"''Oh, what ails you, my little pudding pie? He seems so lonely, doesn’t he, Mario? Why, he looks like I do when I step into the spotlight and then forget my very first line. Oooh… Hold up, now! You know what? I believe he might wish to join us!''"
*"''My! Such wonderful drama! I imagine we have to do something now, don’t we?''"
*"''Pardon me a moment! Don’t these odd columns look somewhat familiar?''"
*"''Oh, I feel I might swoon! What was that, I wonder?''"
*"''Oh, dear me! Mario! Isn’t that the Crystal Star?''"
*"''Oh, dear! That wretched beast again! Dearie me!''"
*"''I must say, I craved exciting times, but I never expected this! Let’s go, quickly now!''"
*"''Ahem! You’ll do no such thing!''"
*"''Honestly, did you really think we'd let a wretch like [[Lord Crump|you]] escape? I DO believe you will be handing over that [[Emerald Star|Crystal Star]] and promptly exiting [[the Great Tree|this tree]]!''"
*"''Mercy me! That metal colossus is incredible! … And yet… There’s something rather odd about it… Let’s just keep our eyes peeled! Don’t be careless!''"
*"''A rousing success, Mario! How delightful!''"
*"''Oh, this shan’t be our last visit, Certainly not! But… Until then, ta-ta!''"
*"''Oh, mercy me! Sounds like some mail!''"
*"''Isn’t that precious, Mario?''"
*"''Now, my little Mario! It’s Crystal Star time!''"
*"''Oh, mercy me! The next Crystal Star has made an entrance! My, my, my! But… Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t it up in the sky? What does THAT mean?''"
*"''Perhaps I’m just daft, but why would they want to seal this treasure away at all? Did they fear thieves and brigands? If not, then what?''"
*"''Hm? That’s not what?''"
*"''Frankly, please!''"
*"''Oh, yes. How inappropriate. In any case, what about the location of this Crystal Star that’s floating on the map? A floating city, you say? So, are we just supposed to sprout wings and fly there, darling? Do tell.''"
*"''Oooh! That sounds exciting! A little…on the seedy side. Show me the way!''"
*"''Mmmm… I like the sound of this Don Pianta fellow. I cannot WAIT to meet him!''"
*"''Bite your tongue! Don’t listen to that lout! The treasure is as real as I am!''"
*"''I’m not entirely sure I like the sound of this…''"
*"''Oh, whatever should we do? We have to day SOMETHING to that Don Pianta fellow… I must say, though… I don’t fancy a run of terrible luck. That would be unfortunate.''"
*"''My, my! We’ve done it, Mario! Next stop, Glitzville!''"
*"''My, my, my! Glitzville! I’ve heard that the Glitz Pit is just full of brawny brawls! I must admit, the prospect of some hurly-burly gets me a touch piqued! ♡''"
*"''Now, darling, let’s find that Crystal Star, hmm?''"
*"''Oh, dear me! What a positively glorious venue! Oh, mercy, Mario! Look there! Those two brutes are about to have at each other!''"
*"''Oh, my word! Mario! On that uncouth bird’s belt! Is that a Crystal Star?''"
*"''Yes, I do believe it is! That wonderful sparkle is yet another Crystal Star! …But such a tawdry place to find it… Why would it be here, of all places?''"
*"''Oh, whatever shall we do? I don’t fancy the idea of stealing that fellow’s belt… What shall we do, Mario?''"
**(Steal that thing!)
**"''Oh, Mario, you adorable man! You do love to joke! We’ll do no such thing. I must say, I only see one way to get what we seek. Yes, just one… You must best this champion and take the belt with the power of your machismo!''"
**(Battle our way to the top!)
**"''Oh, you darling man, I’m SO happy to hear you say that! I’d expect nothing less! You’re ten times the man of anyone here! You’ll be champion in no time! ♡''"
*"''Let’s move on then, shall we? Our next step is to become official fighters, I imagine. Ooh, my heart is positively THUMPING! Let’s find whoever is in charge, this minute!''"
*"''What sort of base cowards attack before the match officially begins? Honestly!''"
*"''Come on, Mario, darling! We shan’t lose to lowlifes! Let’s teach them a lesson!''"
*"''Here we go, darling! Time to shine!''"
*"''Mario, darling… Are you quite ready?''"
*"''Why, that was no fuss whatsoever!''"
*"''Anytime you care for another lesson, we’ll be here! ♡''"
*"''Hmmm, now? You wish for us to help you, you darling little egg?''"
*"''Mario, hon, what do you think we ought to do?''"
**(Help the little guy!)
**"''A positively endearing choice, Mario, not that I expected any less. We shall free him!''"
**(Let there be Hot Dogs!)
**"''Mario, you wash your mouth out right this instant! How DARE you frighten this egg! Well, I never… Little eggy, you just ignore the scary man, OK? We will let you go.''"
*"''You, [[Hoggle|Mr. Proprietor]]! Would you allow us to free this poor soul?''"
*"''Well, that’s just lovely! You’re free to do whatever you like, dear egg! Farewell!''"
*"''Hmmm? What is it now, dear? You wish to accompany us, you [[Yoshi Kid|adorable little thing]]?''"
*"''I daresay this little dumpling wants to stay with us, Mario. What shall we do?''"
**(OK, it can follow us.)
**"''You’re all clear, little one! But do try not to get underfoot, all right?''"
**(No. Jumping eggs bug me.)
**"''Mario, you awful, awful man. Why must you torment him? We simply MUST take him in!''"
*"''Good gracious, we’ll make the major league if we prevail! I like our chances!''"
*"''Oh, mercy me! Mario… That adorable little egg seems to have disappeared. Where could the little fellow have gotten himself to?''"
*"''Why, you little rapscallion! You hatched from that egg? Well, aren’t you precious! ♡''"
*"''Come on, now, sugar pie! Let’s teach these hooligans a thing or two this time!''"
*"''Oh! Gracious me, Mario! Sounds like you’ve another e-mail! What is it this time?''"
*"''Ah, that X fellow again? Now he’s directing us to some “watering hole,” hmmm? I do wonder who this gentleman is…''"
*"''Mario, darling! E-mail call!''"
*"''"The blockade in the minor-league locker room," hmm? What could be behind it?''"
*"''Good gracious! That’s a report investigating the Crystal Stars! Someone was doing scientific studies on the Crystal Stars. My, it even has pictures!''"
*"''I have to wonder about why someone would leave this out for us to find…''"
*"''Oh, my, she doesn’t like us, does she? And we worked so hard getting that paper…''"
*"''It’s not a total loss, dear. At the very least, we know the Crystal Star is nearby.''"
*"''Oh, my! That looks delightful! I see no reason why you shouldn’t treat yourself!''"
**(Eat)
**"''Good-bye, diet! ♡''"
**(Don’t eat)
**"''Well, if you say so, dear. I suppose cake isn’t exactly the ideal athlete’s food. ♡''"
*"''My word! Who would expect THAT lout to show up here? My goodness gracious!''"
*"''Mail call, dearie!''"
*"''Ah, our mysterious friend! Where to this time? A telephone booth outside? Yes, I believe I saw a booth out there somewhere… Let’s take a stroll.''"
*"''That chicken is rather rude. I hardly think it’s necessary to resort to threats… But wait a moment… Could it be that the nasty e-mail came from him? I suppose we can’t know. And regardless of who sent it, we must be more careful.''"
*"''Now we’re to break into the storage room? Mercy! This fellow seems to like making us run about… I can’t say I approve.''"
*"''Why, if it isn’t the young lady felon! I don’t approve of you following Mario, dear. You’ve grown careless, too. Did you know that Security heard you making noise here?''"
*"''Are you absolutely sure? You didn’t make just a little bit of noise, dear?''"
*"''My! You ARE brazen, aren’t you, dearie?''"
*"''Well, I daresay she IS a thief, hm? She certainly stole your lips with ease, Mario! But that’s hardly important… What might she have meant by “poor souls upstairs”?''"
*"''"The staircase switch"? Am I to understand there’s a staircase hidden in here?''"
*"''Good gracious me! Did you hear what I just heard? Missing fighters? How absolutely heartrending! That poor, sweet King K… I just assumed he had retired to his hometown…''"
*"''Mercy! My, that was close! I say, though, Mario, when that Grubba gentleman spoke of the Crystal Star… I couldn’t help but notice that Ms. Jolene acted a touch strange… Well, I do believe that we’d best make ourselves scarce before we’re found!''"
*"''Oh, dear, our surly friend… For such a pill, he does seem to know a fair bit. Between the Crystal Star and those poor, missing fighters… This fellow seems to know everything we’ve been trying to find out! But who is he?''"
*"''My, my, that DOES look good! Why don’t we just go ahead and have ourselves a bite! ♡''"
**(Eat)
**"''Ooh, serve it up! ♡''"
**"''Oh, my that is delectable! Just a minute, darling… I saved a bit for you…''"
**"''Oh! I seem to be having a bit of an allergic reaction! I’m feeling rather numb…''"
**"''Why, I’m feeling tip-top again! Fine job, winning the day even without me, dear! Even so… A poisoned cake… Our lives are in danger. I simply MUST be more careful from now on.''"
**(Don’t eat)
**"''No? You bizarre man, whyever not? You’ve no need to watch your weight!''"
*"''Incidentally, darling… Did you notice this poor soul on the floor?''"
*"''I daresay that cake was poisoned! Had we eaten it, we’d have ended up like that poor fellow there!''"
*"''My, my, my, it’s mail time! Now, who might it be from?''"
*"''Oh, is it from X this time? He still sounds rather untrustworthy, but still… He wants us to peel off the lobby posters bearing your likeness, does he? Well, I suppose we must.''"
*"''Whatever could that key be for?''"
*"''OH, MY WORD! What on earth is this?!? Bandy Andy, you poor dear! And King K! How awful!''"
*"''Andy, honey, just hang on! Why would we have to avoid the ring, now?''"
*"''My word, did you see that? I do believe that was young Ms. Jolene! What in the world is going on here?''"
*"''Pardon me, sir, but I do believe you’re taking us the wrong way…''"
*"''Sir, I really must protest… Where are we off to?''"
*"''Mercy me, we’re back in a minor-league locker room! And it’s deserted! He DID say to wait here… But, darling, I can’t help but think we’ll miss our match!''"
*"''Well, my dear, I’d say we’re now officially VERY late. Let’s find out what’s what.''"
*"''Oh, my goodness gracious! We’ve been locked in, Mario! We’re trapped here!''"
*"''Correct me if I’m wrong, darling, but won’t we forfeit if we don’t show up? There simply MUST be a way out of this place!''"
*"''Darling, I tried it earlier. It’s quite firmly locked.''"
*"''Drat! Locked as well!''"
*"''I should like to request that we NEVER do that again. In any case, to the arena!''"
*"''Well, I daresay we’ve made it in time! And it sounds like the fans approve! Ah, it reminds me so much of my time on stage! Let’s go give that chicken what for!''"
*"''Well, here we are, dear. At last, we fight the champ. Let’s take him, shall we?''"
*"''Whatever does THAT mean, you awful chicken? Am I to understand that it was you who got the security guard to lock us away?''"
*"''So, it was you, after all! You sent those threats about the Crystal Star!''"
*"''Mario, darling, we’ve finally done it! We beat that lout! But… I daresay that chicken truly had no clue about the Crystal Star… We’re still in dire straits as far as the real one goes. Wherever could it be?''"
*"''Oh, my! Mario, darling… I do believe I hear a voice coming from somewhere…''"
*"''Might it be…a ghost?''"
*"''Oh, I almost swooned! That Mailbox SP is going to be the death of me!''"
*"''So, if that’s to be believed, there’s really a ghost here? That’s rather unsettling…''"
*"''Isn’t this the air duct? Where does it lead?''"
*"''Why, that voice belongs to [[Grubba]]! Could he have made those poor souls disappear?''"
*"''I do believe he’s gone… Now, wasn’t there something in his desk drawer?''"
*"''Oh, my! Is that the paper Grubba said he’d hid? Let’s have a look.''"
*"''Mercy! A machine under the ring using the Crystal Star? These are the blueprints! I can scarcely understand this paper, but I believe the Crystal Star powers it! If this paper’s correct, then the machine can suck the power out of folks! Oh, no… Is it possible that King K and Bandy Andy were, well…drained?''"
*"''You shut your trap, sir! You drained the life from those [[King K|poor]] [[Bandy Andy|souls]]!''"
*"''Mario, darling! We must chase him down!''"
*"''My goodness! Mario, there’s the Crystal Star!''"
*"''Using innocent fighters and a [[Gold Star|Crystal Star]] just to improve your looks? You're despicable.''"
*"''Oh, my! He got quite a bit larger, didn’t he?''"
*"''All right, let’s finish this nasty business right now! Come on, Mario, dear!''"
*"''Why, Ms. Jolene!''"
*"''Ah, so our mysterious [[X]] was...''"
*"''The poor dear really seemed aloof, but in fact, she just loved her brother so!''"
*"''Mario, darling, look there! The Crystal Star!''"
*"''Mercy me! So THAT’s what the Crystal Star’s capable of!''"
*"''Truly? You don’t mind if we take it?''"
*"''Well, darling, you needn’t hesitate! Take it!''"
*"''How marvelous! Now we have three of those Crystal Stars! I suggest we make haste for Rogueport, wouldn’t you say?''"
*"''Mario, dear! Look alive! That may well be an e-mail from Princess Peach!''"
*"''They wish to rule the world? Well, I refuse to bow to such megalomaniacs!''"
*"''Mmmm... A bit to the left... ♡''"
*"'''Big deal'? [[Doopliss|You foul boor]]! What ever would possess you to do something so mean?''"
*"''Oh, mercy! Was that it? This fellow was so easy! I was rather expecting more. Well, I suppose we got the [[Ruby Star|Crystal Star]], so let's leave immediately, hmm?''"
*"''How could I mistake my dear Mario for another? Silly Flurrie!''"
*"''Oh, I do believe it is [[Beldam|YOU]] who will fall today, dear! Let’s settle this, hmm?''"
*"''Let's leave [[Three Shadows|these louts]], Mario...''"
*"''So, [[Grodus|this gentlemen]] is the leader of those X–Nauts?''"
*"''So, that last [[Crystal Star]] we found on the [[Moon]]... NO! What have we done?''"
*"''Mario, do be careful, dear! This fellow looks like he means business!''"
*"''We shan't let that happen!''"
*"''Mario, what shall we do, darling? We cannot bow down to [[Shadow Queen|her]]!''"
*"''Now that's just senseless... Are we to betray all of those who believed in us?''"
*"''Time to pay for all of your ills!''"
*"''My dear, dear, Mario. I am ready to make my comeback in the theatre, now! I've found so many things on this journey that I could only express on stage. Please do come to see me once we've finished rehearsing. And bring [[Princess Peach|Peach]], too, dear!''"
*"''Well, I never! How rude! Go get your eyes checked, young man! I am a PRIZE!''"
*"''Mercy! Such anger!''"

==[[Francesca]]==
*"''Hey, back off, you creep! You want something, or you just like sliding up to people?''"
*"''WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!? [[Don Pianta|Daddy]] asked [[Mario|you]] to find us? And take us to him?!?''"
*"''[[Frankie]], what should we do? If [[Don Pianta|Daddy]] finds us now... Oh, I don't know...and the boat's coming any minute...''"
*"''No, [[Frankie]]! Don't say that! Don't you know what he'll do to you if we do that?''"
*"''Oh, [[Frankie]]... My Frankie... Don't you love me?''"
*"''Then let's go, [[Frankie]]! Let's run! To the ends of the earth if we have to!''"
*"''We can, [[Frankie]]! The more you try to put out the flames of love, the hotter they burn! Until I marry you, no one will extinguish these flames of passion! NO ONE!!!''"
*"''Don't you see, [[Mario|Mister]]? I beg you: pretend you never saw us! Can you do that?''"
*"''Oh, thank [[Mario|you]]! Thank you! You're swell, Mister! You're a real stand-up guy!''"
*"''[[Don Pianta|Daddy]], wait!''"
*"''No, [[Don Pianta|Daddy]]! Don't hurt him! I'm the one who said we should elope. It was ME! But [[Frankie]] said no! He said we should come back and talk to you, Daddy!''"
*"''No, [[Don Pianta|Daddy]]! No! No! No! I'm the bad one. It's my fault! If you're going to punish anyone, punish me!''"
*"''[[Don Pianta|Daddy]]!''"
*"''[[Don Pianta|Daddy]]!!!''"
*"''Oh, [[Don Pianta|Daddy]]!!!!!!!!!!''"
*"''Thank you so much, [[Don Pianta|Daddy]]! Thanks for your blessing!''"
*"''Good-bye, [[Don Pianta|Daddy]]! Farewell! And thank you!''"
*"''Hey! Aren't you [[Mario]]?!?''"
*"''It's me! Me! [[Don Pianta]]'s daughter! [[Francesca]]! And Frankie's here, too!''"
*"''After my [[Don Pianta|dad]] forgave us, we set out on a trip... The ship we were on got a little too close to this island...and now look at us! Still, I'm amazed the rumors about [[Cortez]] were all true! ...Which means... he's nearby!''"
*"''Hey, so, by the way... Why are [[Mario|YOU]] [[Pirate's Grotto|here]]? Don't tell me [[Don Pianta|Daddy]] had you come here to take us back!''"
*"''What?!? [[Mario|You]]'re after the pirate's treasure because it might contain a [[Crystal Stars|Crystal Star]]? Well, I think the treasure is right in there, watched by [[Cortez]]'s spirit... Yeah.... I'm sure you'll be able to take care of him, though! You look tough! Besides, Cortez is the one that trapped us on that raft, so smack him one for me!''"
*"''Oh, hi there...[[Mario]]. What brings you back [[Keelhaul Key|here]]? Can we do something for you?''"
*"''Oh, poor [[Don Pianta|Daddy]]! Oh, no... And at a time like this...''"
*"''You see, I... I just dropped the [[Wedding Ring|wedding ring]] [[Frankie]] gave me around here... I can't possibly leave until I find that ring! Otherwise something might eat it! It must be somewhere between here and that skull rock!''"
*"''NO!!! You have to say it 99 more times, [[Frankie]]!''"
*"''Oh, [[Frankie]], baby... You're such a silly billy! Hee hee hee!''"
*"''AAAAAAH! THAT'S IT!!! THAT'S [[Wedding Ring|MY RING]]!!! YOU FOUND IT!!!''"
*"''[[Frankie]]! Now we can go home to [[Don Pianta|Daddy]]!''"
*"''...Well, so, anyway... We'll be down at the dock. Hurry back, please!''"
*"''Ohhhhhh, [[Don Pianta|Daddy]]! Please hang on until we get there!''"
*"''We have to go see [[Don Pianta|Daddy]] immediately!''"
*"''[[Don Pianta|Daddy]]! Daddy! DADDY! Wake up! Open your eyes!''"
*"''[[Don Pianta|DADDY]]!''"
*"''Of COURSE we did, [[Don Pianta|Daddy]]! As soon as we heard you were ill, we dropped everything and rushed back!''"

==[[Frankie]]==
*"''Dollface... Maybe we oughta head back and try to talk to [[Don Pianta|da boss]] one more time.''"
*"''[[Francesca]]... Babydoll...  If we can just talk calm-like wit' da boss, he'll understand.''"
*"''Of course I love [[Francesca|you]], sugar cookie. More dan anybody in da whole world!''"
*"''But, [[Francesca|butter biscuit]]... Dey already found us out. We can't keep runnin' forever.''"
*"''[[Don Pianta|Boss]]! Forgive me, Boss! I-I'm sorry! Truly, I am!''"
*"''[[Don Pianta|Boss]]! Listen, I don't care what you do to me! I deserve it all for bein' disloyal! But you gotta forgive [[Francesca|her]]. Forgive your daughter, Boss! Dat's all I ask.''"
*"''No, [[Don Pianta|Boss]]! It's all on me. It's my responsibility! All da blame, right here.''"
*"''[[Don Pianta|Boss]]!''"
*"''[[Don Pianta|Boss]]!!!''"
*"''Dad! ...No! Wait, I mean... [[Don Pianta|BOSS]]!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!''"
*"''[[Don Pianta|Boss]]! I'll make [[francesca|your daughter]] a happy woman! I promise you! She'll want for nothin'!''"
*"''What?!? [[Don Pianta|Da boss]] is sick?!?''"
*"'' Listen for a second, [[Francesca|my fuzzy little coconut]]... Shouldn't we forget about dat [[Wedding Ring|ring]] for now an' check on da boss?''"
*"''Of course, I love you... [[Francesca|My little bacon burger]]!''"
*"''100 TIMES?''"
*"''Oh... C'mon now, [[Francesca|babe]]... Of course I love you, my little short stack... Now please, let's go.''"
*"''Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Fine, [[Francesca|you crazy dame]]! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you!''"
*"''I love you!''"
*"''Huff...heeeeef...hoooooooof... There, I said it...''"
*"''......... Now, [[Francesca|my little cream puff]]... Let's find [[Wedding Ring|dat ring]] right away, whaddaya say?''"
*"''We sure can, [[Francesca|my little cheese 'n' cracker]]! Let's go!''"
*"''OK, [[Mario]]... I think we're ready, pal. Yeah, we are. Let's go back to [[Rogueport]]!''"
*"''You got it, [[Francesca]]!''"
*"''[[Don Pianta|BOSS]]!''"
*"''Whaaaaat?? B-But...[[Don Pianta|Boss]]! You still got it in ya! You're a spring chicken! You don't gotta do dis! And, I mean... Me? Boss?''"

==[[Fred]]==
*"''Hello to you, traveler. Is this first time in Fahr Outpost for you, KA-BOMB? There is not much here, but enjoy stay, KA-BOOOOM!''"
*"''Hello, traveler. First time in Fahr Outpost, KA-BOOIE? What? Fahr Outpost cannon? ...... Wah! I apologize for that. No, I just had distraction... It is nothing, KA-POWIE!''"
*"''Oh, da? Really? You really want to, KA-BOO, KA-BOMB? That is...just...great, KA-PLOW!''"
*"''Hooray! I have been wanting to shoot that thing off for very long time, KA-BANG! But after we blow up, we are all hazy and confused, da... Like frogs in fog, KA-CRACK!''"

==[[Fuzzy]]==
*"''Meeeeork! Meeeeeeork! We'll suck up [[Mario|your]] SOULS! MEEEEEORK!''"
*"''Meeeeork! Meeeeeeork! Mmmmmm! You were tasty! MEEEEEORK!''"

{{Quotes}}
{{PMTTYD}}
[[Category:Quotes|Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door quotes by character (A–F)]]
[[Category:Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door|*]]